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Am I on the right track to leave 20Cr for my children in 15 years?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
jasbir Question by jasbir on Aug 13, 2024Hindi
Money

Dear Sir, I aman Army Veteran of 64 years snd wife aged 61. I have a monthly pension of Rs 1,8lakh pm. I have following investments. FDs 1.2 Cr @ 8pc SCSS 30 lakh @7.8pc Gold ETF 6 lakh PPF Rs 22 lakh. Rs12500 pm. Maturing in Mar 28. Equity Rs 1.5 cr. Investment through self study. MF HDFC multy cap Rs 29 lakh. Monthly contribution Rs 10K. MIRAE ASSETS Emerging Blue Chip Rs 23 Lakh. Monthly contribution Rs 12500 pm ICICI Pru bluechip Pru blue chip Rs 33 lakh. Monthly contribution Rs 50K Bandhan Multi Cap Rs 23 lakh. Monthly contribution Rs 15K. Frankin Temp Rs 1.2 lakh. No monthly contribution All MF direct schemes. I have a house to live. Choldren Son 34 married and settled. Daughter 28. Working good package. Responsibilty. Only daughter marriage House Hold expenditure Rs 50K. Covere for medical by ECHS. I have only one goal to leave a corpus of Rs20Cr or more for my children in the next 15 years. Please advise any changes in the investment. Thank you Jasbir Singh

Ans: Dear Mr. Jasbir Singh,

First, I must commend you for your disciplined approach to financial planning and your desire to secure a substantial corpus for your children. At 64 years old, with a stable pension of Rs. 1.8 lakh per month and various well-placed investments, you are in a strong financial position. Your investments are diversified across fixed deposits (FDs), Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme (SCSS), gold ETFs, Public Provident Fund (PPF), equities, and mutual funds.

Your primary goal is to leave a corpus of Rs. 20 crore or more for your children in the next 15 years. With your current financial standing, you have laid a solid foundation to achieve this.

Evaluating Your Existing Portfolio
1. Fixed Deposits (FDs)

You have Rs. 1.2 crore in FDs earning 8% interest. This provides stable, risk-free returns and liquidity, which is essential for your age. However, FDs generally offer lower returns compared to other investment options. Given your long-term horizon, consider the opportunity cost of keeping a large portion of your portfolio in FDs.
2. Senior Citizens’ Savings Scheme (SCSS)

SCSS is a safe investment with a reasonable interest rate of 7.8%, offering quarterly interest payouts. This is a good option for generating regular income, especially given the tax benefits. Keep this investment as it aligns with your risk profile and cash flow needs.
3. Gold ETFs

You have Rs. 6 lakh in gold ETFs, which provide a hedge against inflation and economic uncertainties. This is a good long-term investment, but the returns are generally moderate. Since your portfolio is diversified, maintaining this small allocation to gold is beneficial.
4. Public Provident Fund (PPF)

Your PPF investment of Rs. 22 lakh, with a monthly contribution of Rs. 12,500, will mature in March 2028. PPF is a safe and tax-efficient investment, and you should continue it as part of your retirement planning. Given the current interest rates, PPF offers attractive long-term returns.
5. Equities

You have Rs. 1.5 crore in equities, which you manage through self-study. Equities are vital for long-term growth, and your involvement shows that you are well-versed in market dynamics. However, regular portfolio review and rebalancing are crucial to mitigate risks.
6. Mutual Funds

Your mutual fund portfolio is diversified across different funds, with a significant investment in large-cap and multi-cap funds. The monthly SIP contributions demonstrate a disciplined investment approach.
Suggested Adjustments to Achieve Your Goal
1. Rebalance Your Portfolio

Increase Equity Exposure: Considering your long-term goal of Rs. 20 crore, increasing your equity exposure could enhance your portfolio’s growth potential. You might consider reallocating some funds from FDs to equities or equity mutual funds, as they typically offer higher returns over the long term.

Diversify Equity Investments: While you have a strong base in large-cap and multi-cap funds, consider adding mid-cap and small-cap funds for potentially higher returns, though they come with increased risk.

Monitor and Rebalance Regularly: Review your portfolio at least annually to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. Adjust your asset allocation based on market conditions and your risk tolerance.

2. Optimize Your Tax Efficiency

Maximize Tax Benefits: Continue maximizing tax-saving opportunities through your PPF and SCSS investments. Consider tax-efficient mutual funds under the long-term capital gains tax regime, especially for equity investments held for over a year.

Minimize Tax Liabilities: Given your high pension, you might be in a higher tax bracket. Efficient tax planning, including timing the sale of investments to optimize tax impact, is crucial.

3. Estate Planning and Wealth Transfer

Create a Will: Ensure you have a clear and legally sound will in place to avoid any legal complications for your heirs. Specify how your assets should be distributed among your children.

Trust Planning: Consider setting up a trust if you want to manage the distribution of your wealth after your demise. This can provide more control over how and when your children receive the inheritance.

Nomination and Documentation: Ensure that all your investments have proper nominations. Keep your financial documents and information organized and accessible to your family.

4. Increase SIP Contributions

Gradually Increase SIPs: As your pension and existing investments provide stability, consider gradually increasing your SIP contributions. This will help you take advantage of the power of compounding over the next 15 years.

Focus on Growth-Oriented Funds: Since you are aiming for a Rs. 20 crore corpus, growth-oriented mutual funds with a good track record should be your focus. Regularly review the performance of your current SIPs and adjust if necessary.

5. Review Your Risk Tolerance

Risk Assessment: As you age, your risk tolerance may decrease. Periodically assess your risk tolerance and adjust your equity exposure accordingly. A balanced approach that considers both growth and preservation of capital is essential.

Health Coverage: Although you are covered by ECHS, consider having additional health insurance to cover any unexpected medical expenses not covered under ECHS. This will protect your corpus from being depleted due to medical emergencies.

Final Insights
You are in a commendable financial position with a clear vision for your family's future. By making strategic adjustments to your portfolio, optimizing tax efficiency, and ensuring proper estate planning, you are well on your way to achieving your goal of leaving a substantial corpus for your children.

Keep in mind the importance of regular portfolio reviews and adjustments. The financial landscape can change, and staying informed will help you navigate your investment journey successfully.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Dear Sir, I am 44 yrs old with wife and 2 kids of age 9&11.I have been investing my money into the following sectors over the last few years back. 1.LIC and SBI money back policies of 8.5L and will be mature in 2034. 2.Life cover for self of 50L has to pay till 2047 annually of 20K. 3.Max life ULIP plan SA 6L mature in 2031. 4.Family floater Health I surance of 5L 4.HDFC life click 2I combo plan invest of 9L 5.SSA till date for both children 1L each 5.SIP of 20K since last 4.5yrs monthly 6.SIP lumpsum of 1L invested in Axis medium cap fund invested 4yrs back My question is to secure my child education and retirement life after 55 yrs , corpus should be 2 Crore what else I have to do
Ans: It's commendable that you've been diligently planning for your family's future. Your commitment to securing your children's education and ensuring a comfortable retirement is truly admirable.

Considering your current investments, it's essential to evaluate if they align with your long-term goals. While your existing plans offer some protection and potential growth, diversifying your portfolio could provide added stability and growth potential. Have you explored avenues beyond traditional insurance policies and mutual funds?

Certified Financial Planners can offer personalized strategies tailored to your aspirations and risk tolerance. They can suggest options that balance growth potential with risk mitigation, guiding you towards achieving your desired corpus. Have you considered consulting one to fine-tune your financial roadmap?

Remember, the journey to financial security is not just about numbers—it's about ensuring peace of mind and enabling your loved ones to pursue their dreams. By proactively seeking guidance and exploring diverse investment avenues, you're laying a robust foundation for a fulfilling future. Keep nurturing your financial garden, and the seeds you sow today will bloom into a prosperous tomorrow.

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 years old earning a monthly salary of 1.20 Lakhs. My investment as on date is PF of Rs. 18 Lakhs, Mutual funds Rs.19 Lakh and Shares of Rs. 8 Lakh. I have covered myself with endowment policy of Rs. 13 Lakhs. I also have a home loan of Rs.75 Lakhs and the repayment will start from Oct 2025. I have covered my life against the loan availed with a term insurance. It’s an under construction flat. Currently I am investing 40k in SIP and 5k in Vol PF. My daughter is 9 years old and in 5th standard. I have 21 years of service left. I am looking for a corpus of 1.5 to 3 crore in the next 5 years and also to close my loan in the next 15 years. At the age of 60 I must be debt free and earning monthly income of at least a Lakh. Please advice. My wife 33 years is also employed she is also earning Rs. 90k per month.
Ans: Crafting a Comprehensive Financial Plan
You've laid out some clear objectives for your financial future, and I'm here to help you navigate the path towards achieving them.

Current Financial Snapshot
Assets
You've made significant investments in PF, mutual funds, and shares, providing a solid foundation for wealth accumulation.

Liabilities
Your home loan presents a sizable debt, but with a structured plan, it can be managed effectively.

Retirement Planning
Corpus Target
Your goal of building a corpus of ?1.5 to ?3 crore in the next 5 years is ambitious yet attainable with disciplined saving and strategic investing.

Investment Strategy
Consider diversifying your investment portfolio further to optimize returns while managing risk effectively.

Loan Repayment Strategy
Loan Closure
Targeting to close your home loan in the next 15 years is a prudent approach to achieving debt-free status by age 60.

Accelerated Payments
Explore options to increase your EMI payments or make lump-sum prepayments whenever possible to reduce the loan tenure and interest burden.

Income Generation
Monthly Income Goal
Aiming for a monthly income of at least ?1 lakh by age 60 requires careful planning and investment in income-generating assets.

Dividend Income
Consider investing in dividend-paying stocks or mutual funds to supplement your income stream.

Education Planning
Daughter's Education
With 21 years of service left, prioritize investing in education funds or SIPs to secure your daughter's future educational needs.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage for yourself and your family to safeguard against unforeseen circumstances.

Collaborative Financial Management
Spousal Contribution
Leverage your wife's income to boost your joint savings and investment efforts, enhancing your financial security collectively.

Joint Planning
Work together to align your financial goals, investments, and savings strategies, maximizing efficiency and effectiveness.

Conclusion
With a well-crafted financial plan tailored to your aspirations and circumstances, you can confidently work towards achieving your goals of wealth accumulation, debt freedom, and financial security for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 years old and earning net salary after all (NPS/EPF/EMI) deductions 1.4 lac per Month. Current NPS balance 37 lac and EPF balance 25 lacs. I have also deposited 7 Lac in PPF, 12 Lac in mutual fund and 8 lacs in stocks. I have a house for which the remaining loan amount is 16.5 lacs. My current SIP is 22000 in MF and 10500 in stocks. I have a term plan of 2 cr. I can save another 50000-60000 per month with 5 % stepup. I have two kids studying in clas 5 and 3 respectively. I want to build a corpus of 3 cr for their higher education and 1 cr for my retirement in coming 11-14 years. Review my current investment and suggest me assets for investment for mentioned goals.
Ans: Building a solid financial plan is crucial. You aim to save Rs. 3 crores for your children's education and Rs. 1 crore for your retirement in the next 11-14 years. This plan will evaluate your current investments and suggest strategies to meet these goals.

Current Financial Situation

You're 39 years old with a net monthly salary of Rs. 1.4 lakhs after deductions. Your investment portfolio includes Rs. 37 lakhs in NPS, Rs. 25 lakhs in EPF, Rs. 7 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 12 lakhs in mutual funds, and Rs. 8 lakhs in stocks. Your house has an outstanding loan of Rs. 16.5 lakhs. You invest Rs. 22,000 monthly in mutual funds and Rs. 10,500 in stocks. You also have a term plan of Rs. 2 crores.

Financial Goals

Rs. 3 crores for children's higher education in 11-14 years.
Rs. 1 crore for retirement in the same period.
Review of Current Investments

NPS and EPF: These provide a stable foundation. They offer decent returns with tax benefits.

PPF: While secure and tax-free, PPF has a lock-in period and a lower return rate compared to other investment options.

Mutual Funds: Your current SIPs of Rs. 22,000 are a good start. However, actively managed funds could offer better returns than index funds.

Stocks: Direct stock investments of Rs. 10,500 per month show your willingness to take risks for higher returns.

Term Plan: A term plan of Rs. 2 crores is a wise decision for protecting your family.

Evaluating Investment Options

Actively Managed Mutual Funds

Actively managed funds offer the potential for higher returns due to expert management. Unlike index funds, which replicate a benchmark index, actively managed funds aim to outperform the market.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds

Expert Management: Professionals make investment decisions based on market conditions and research.

Potential for Higher Returns: Actively managed funds can outperform the market, offering better returns.

Flexibility: Fund managers can adjust the portfolio based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Limited Growth: Index funds aim to replicate the market, which limits their growth potential.

No Expert Management: These funds follow a passive investment strategy, missing out on market opportunities.

Direct vs. Regular Funds

While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they lack the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). Regular funds, though slightly more expensive, provide access to professional advice.

Advantages of Regular Funds

Professional Guidance: A CFP can help you choose the best funds and adjust your portfolio based on your goals and risk tolerance.

Holistic Financial Planning: CFPs offer a comprehensive approach to financial planning, considering all aspects of your financial life.

Investment Strategies

To achieve your goals of Rs. 3 crores for your children's education and Rs. 1 crore for retirement, consider the following strategies:

Increase SIPs in Mutual Funds

Increase your SIPs from Rs. 22,000 to Rs. 50,000 per month. Use a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds for diversification.

Allocate a portion to flexi-cap funds to benefit from different market capitalizations.

Enhance Stock Investments

Increase your monthly investment in stocks from Rs. 10,500 to Rs. 15,000. Choose stocks with strong growth potential and diversify across sectors.

Consider investing in blue-chip stocks for stability and consistent returns.

Optimize NPS Contributions

Continue contributing to your NPS account. It provides tax benefits and helps in building a retirement corpus.

Consider increasing your voluntary contributions to maximize returns.

Review and Rebalance Portfolio

Regularly review your portfolio with a CFP. They can help you rebalance based on market conditions and your goals.

Ensure your portfolio remains diversified and aligned with your risk tolerance.

Debt Management

Focus on repaying your home loan. A lower outstanding loan will reduce financial stress.

Use part of your savings to make prepayments on the loan. This will save on interest and help you become debt-free sooner.

Education Planning for Children

Start a dedicated investment plan for your children's education. Consider child-specific mutual funds and systematic investment plans (SIPs).

Estimate future education costs and adjust your investments accordingly. Inflation will affect education expenses, so plan for higher costs.

Retirement Planning

Allocate a portion of your savings towards retirement. Consider equity mutual funds for higher returns.

Supplement your NPS and EPF with additional investments in mutual funds and stocks.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least six months' expenses. This will provide a safety net in case of unforeseen events.

Keep the emergency fund in a liquid instrument, like a savings account or liquid mutual fund, for easy access.

Tax Planning

Optimize your tax savings by investing in tax-saving instruments like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) mutual funds.

Ensure you utilize the benefits of 80C, 80D, and other tax-saving sections.

Future Income and Savings

With your ability to save an additional Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 60,000 per month, consider stepping up your investments annually.

A 5% step-up plan will significantly boost your corpus over the years.

Final Insights

Your financial plan is on the right track. You have a diversified portfolio and clear goals. However, optimizing your investments and increasing your contributions can help you achieve your targets faster. Focus on actively managed mutual funds and regular funds for better returns.

Review and rebalance your portfolio regularly with a CFP's help. Manage your debt effectively and maintain an emergency fund. With disciplined investing and strategic planning, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a bright future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Money
Hello, I'm a 46 year old , unable to work anymore, I have no loans, own house,wife is the earning member. My investments are : Running investments: Pension Plan with fund value of 42 lakhs(current fund value) till 2037, Equity Mutual fund with fund value of 12 lakhs( Current fund value). Yearly investment emi of 1.20 lakh Monthly expenditure of 25 k Monthly rental income of 8k NO PPF Bank Balance of 26 lakh. Want to invest 10 -15 lakh to earn a sizeable corpus ( say 1 cr) in next 18 years for my child when he will become an adult, in addition to a 50 k monthly income in next 2-3 years Can you kindly guide me as to what investments I should be doing to achieve this target
Ans: You have provided valuable details about your financial situation. Let’s analyse your current standing and future goals.

Age: 46 years old
Running Investments:
Pension Plan with a current fund value of Rs 42 lakhs (maturing in 2037).
Equity Mutual Fund with a current fund value of Rs 12 lakhs.
Income & Expenditure:
Monthly rental income of Rs 8,000.
Monthly expenditure of Rs 25,000.
Yearly EMI of Rs 1.2 lakh for ongoing investments.
Savings: Bank balance of Rs 26 lakhs.
Investment Goals:
You want to invest Rs 10-15 lakh to build a corpus of Rs 1 crore in 18 years for your child.
You also need a monthly income of Rs 50,000 in the next 2-3 years.
Given these goals, let’s discuss how you can achieve them.

Income Generation for Monthly Needs (Rs 50,000)
To achieve a monthly income of Rs 50,000 in the next 2-3 years, we need to explore investment options that can generate consistent returns.

Rental Income: You already have Rs 8,000 coming in monthly. This helps reduce your income requirement.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP):

A Systematic Withdrawal Plan from your mutual funds could be useful.
You can park part of your Rs 26 lakh bank balance into a debt-oriented hybrid mutual fund.
These funds provide stability with moderate returns.
You can withdraw monthly amounts through SWP to meet your requirement.
Based on the fund's performance, you can plan to withdraw around Rs 42,000 per month to reach your target of Rs 50,000 (including Rs 8,000 from rent).
This option allows you to use your capital effectively while keeping it invested for moderate growth.

Fixed Income Options:

You may also consider some amount in fixed deposits or high-interest-bearing savings instruments.
However, they are taxed as per your income tax slab, so this may reduce post-tax returns.
Combining these with SWP ensures liquidity and some level of fixed returns.
This way, your immediate income needs can be met, keeping your capital intact.

Investment Plan for Building Rs 1 Crore for Child's Future
You aim to build Rs 1 crore in 18 years for your child. The best way to achieve this is through equity-based investments, as they tend to offer the highest long-term growth.

Equity Mutual Funds:

For long-term goals like 18 years, equity mutual funds are the most suitable.
Your existing equity mutual funds of Rs 12 lakh can continue to grow.
You can also invest Rs 10-15 lakh from your bank balance into diversified equity funds.
Actively managed equity mutual funds generally perform better over a long period compared to passive index funds, which often lack flexibility in changing market conditions.
It’s crucial to focus on mid-cap and small-cap funds as they have higher growth potential over an 18-year period.
Regular vs Direct Funds:

You might have heard about direct mutual funds, which have lower fees.
However, direct plans require deep market understanding and regular monitoring.
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who works with an MFD can help you manage your portfolio professionally, ensuring that your investments are regularly rebalanced to match market changes.
Regular plans, managed by CFPs, provide professional guidance, making them a better choice for individuals who do not want the stress of tracking every detail.
SIP for Consistent Growth:

You can start a SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) of Rs 50,000 monthly.
This amount will steadily build wealth over 18 years.
By investing Rs 50,000 a month in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, you stand a good chance of achieving your target of Rs 1 crore.
A professional MFD working with a CFP can help you select funds based on your risk profile and growth expectations.
Review of Existing Pension Plan
Your pension plan with a current fund value of Rs 42 lakhs is a significant part of your retirement portfolio.

Performance Review:
It is crucial to review the performance of this pension plan periodically.
Ensure that it continues to give reasonable returns, as you have 13 more years until it matures.
Often, these plans have high charges and lower returns compared to equity mutual funds. You should evaluate if it makes sense to continue with this investment or switch to something more productive.
If the returns are lower than expected, you may want to consider redirecting future premiums into better-performing mutual funds.
Tax Implications on Your Investments
Understanding tax liabilities is essential for maximising your returns.

Capital Gains Tax on Mutual Funds:

For equity mutual funds, LTCG (Long-Term Capital Gains) above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
Short-Term Capital Gains (STCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 20%.
For debt mutual funds, LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab.
You should consult with your CFP to ensure that your withdrawals and investments are done in the most tax-efficient manner.
Tax on Rental Income:

The Rs 8,000 monthly rental income is also taxable.
Ensure you factor this into your annual tax planning.
By optimising tax strategies, you can maximise your returns while keeping your liabilities low.

Contingency and Emergency Fund
While investing for long-term goals, don’t overlook short-term financial safety.

Emergency Fund:
Out of your Rs 26 lakh bank balance, set aside at least Rs 4-5 lakh as an emergency fund.
This will help you manage any unforeseen expenses without disturbing your investments.
Keep this amount in a liquid or short-term debt fund for easy access.
Health Insurance:
Since your wife is the sole earning member now, ensure that you have adequate health insurance coverage.
This will help safeguard your family’s finances in case of medical emergencies.
Revisit Your Financial Plan Regularly
It is essential to track your financial journey.

Review Performance:

Regularly review the performance of your mutual funds and pension plans.
Make adjustments based on market conditions and your changing life circumstances.
Stay on Track with Goals:

Ensure that you are consistently investing towards your Rs 1 crore goal.
Keep in touch with your CFP to monitor if you’re on track, and take corrective actions if required.
By actively managing your investments and reviewing your goals, you can ensure financial security for your family.

Finally
Your situation is unique, and your goals are achievable with a disciplined approach.

By combining equity mutual funds, SWPs, and systematic SIPs, you can grow your wealth and generate regular income. Balancing risk and return is essential to meet your child’s future needs and your immediate income requirements.

Keep your financial plan flexible, review it often, and stay committed to your goals.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?
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I am sure by now you realize that having parallel lives is not easy. Maybe you are at that stage where a decision must be made...
You owe at least that much to your respective spouses who have nothing to do this life of yours...

The lady in question wants the cake and wants to eat it too...obviously she needs to see that if she wants her marriage, then you are going to keep your marriage as well and with that all the insecurities that arise must also be accepted as this is something that the two of you got into willingly...did she not know that a relationship outside of marriage comes with its set of challenges like insecurities, doubts, fears, instability and more? I guess it's not about you making her sane and trust you BUT for the two fo you to come to some sort of a decision on where all this is leading?

Again, I say this...leading two lives in parallel ain't easy; especially on an emotional level!

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, I have been reading since long the advices you give to others expecting that there can be an identical issue which i am suffering, i am 48yrs and my wife 42yrs married for 22yrs & having grown up children, over period of time my wife has become more dominating expecting me to listen and follow everything what she says, everything was going fine for until last six years when she was following me as a dutiful wife, since last 6-7yrs she is disinterested in sex also, i sit and speak with her trying to address all the issues, but things get back to ZERO within days, she has turned very short tempered and egoistic, shouting and using foul language in rage at times, we both are highly educated and give lectures at college with limited reasonable income, the problem is she compares her life to others and disturbs our life, ours is a marriage against parents so both the side relatives are little indifferent and we are not extroverts or that persons who are outgoing to change all that, we just lead our life within ourselves and try to help the relatives whenever they come to us. My question is that is it not cruel for a wife to deprive the husband of sex and develop unreasonable expectations comparing the lifestyles of others. when at peace my wife suggests that i can look outside for sex and she is ok with it but i don't believe in it and in her words, at times in rage she keeps asking for divorce uttering foul language, i keep reminding her that emotions, anger and rage shall only aggravate the issues we should know what we actually want and seek it speaking to each other, i feel that my wife doesn't know what she wants from herself or from me or from life, Anu, Is this all that pre-menopause frustrations which is building up or is it some mental issues which are surfacing due to negligence from me or our relatives? Please suggest? Thank you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's understand it in 3 ways..

1) Whether your wife is in pre-menopause or perimenopause or menopause stage can be determined only by a doctor. A lot of material floats on the internet convincing people of one over the other BUT it's important to get it validated by a doctor that will help your wife understand what is going on with her body and how it impacts her mind...

2) It is also possible that the current sex routine maybe boring to her and infusing it with some spice can get things going? So, think out of the box here...

3) Also, you might want to think if the emotional bond between the two of you has broken down; women respond to sex easier when they feel emotionally connected and safe with their man...

What will be useful in your situation is: to reconnect with her and aim to connect with her emotionally. This will help her in conveying to you what might be the problem and then it gets easier to solve it or take necessary steps...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |418 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |418 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |418 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 15, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hi Milind I am 52 years old single woman, from small town and who has worked hard ro reach to level in corporate with good salary. I have a corpus of about 5 crores and small flat in tier 2 town. I dont enjoy yhis new job wirh reputed brand and at a senior level as i dont find ut engaging or doing justice to role. My parents are old and i worry for rhem ans want to spent rkmw with them. With this corpus can i take a call to leave job and get decent income of atleast 2-2.5 lac a month. I have been quite action oriented, but now my mind and body feel exhasuted and also fear rhat without a job i will become lazy. Also living with parents will be a joy, at the same time resteictive to eating or socializing. I am quite concious ,if i leave this well paying ,senior role job with a big renonwed corporate which many of my friends aspired for and whole lot of people congratulated me ,they will think i was not able to justify my role,hence left . I dont want that impression at last stage of career as whole life i have been seen as hard working ,passionate professional. Such rhoughts are taking toll on my mental health. Please advise what should be done
Ans: Hello;

With the corpus that you have (5 Cr) you may buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company and can expect to receive monthly payout of 2.5 L (pre tax)from the very next month. 6% annuity rate considered, if you shop around and negotiate you may get a better rate.

You can opt for increasing annuity to account for inflation and return of purchase price to your nominee, after you.

Ensure good health insurance policy to cover yourself and your parents.

Think about some vocation which you would like to pursue passionately after retirement.

You are seeking retirement from regular 9 to 5 job not from pursuit of your passion/goals.

It could be in the role of an consultant, counselor or educator.

You should take the decision which you feel is appropriate for you irrespective of what people comment because they will comment in any case.

Learn to ignore such people.

Happy Retirement!!

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |418 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

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