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54-year-old with 15 Cr assets seeks investment advice for retirement corpus of 30 Cr

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
Money

My age is 54: holding 50L mf 3.5 Cr ppf/epf, 50 L NPS, 6 Cr FDs, 3 flats worth 4 Cr, 50L Gold and 3.3 cr shares ... I have one son who is 17 yrs and is in 12th class. He wants to pursue engineering for which I have enough funds Are these investments good across assets or need to diversify further. Retirement age after 4 years from now. My monthly in hand income is around 8L. I need to create corpus of 30 Cr by my time of retirement. I am debt free. Please suggest how to proceed and diversify

Ans: Firstly, congratulations on building such a substantial portfolio. You have done a commendable job in accumulating wealth across various asset classes. Here's a breakdown of your current investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 50 lakh
PPF/EPF: Rs. 3.5 crore
NPS: Rs. 50 lakh
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs. 6 crore
Real Estate: 3 flats worth Rs. 4 crore
Gold: Rs. 50 lakh
Shares: Rs. 3.3 crore
Your monthly in-hand income is Rs. 8 lakh, and you aim to retire in four years with a corpus of Rs. 30 crore.

Evaluating Your Investment Portfolio
Your investments are diversified across various asset classes, which is excellent. However, let’s assess each category to ensure it aligns with your retirement goals.

Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer growth potential and are a good investment for the long term. However, the allocation in mutual funds could be increased for better growth prospects. Currently, Rs. 50 lakh in mutual funds might not be sufficient for the desired growth.

PPF/EPF
PPF and EPF are safe and provide guaranteed returns. They are excellent for retirement due to their safety and tax benefits. Your Rs. 3.5 crore here is a solid foundation.

NPS
NPS is another good retirement planning tool offering tax benefits and decent returns. Rs. 50 lakh in NPS is beneficial for your retirement corpus.

Fixed Deposits
FDs are safe but offer lower returns compared to other investment options. You have Rs. 6 crore in FDs, which is a significant amount. Given the low returns, it might be wise to diversify a portion of this into higher-yielding investments.

Real Estate
Your investment in real estate is substantial. While real estate can provide rental income and capital appreciation, it is illiquid. Having Rs. 4 crore in flats is a considerable allocation.

Gold
Gold is a good hedge against inflation and economic downturns. Your Rs. 50 lakh investment in gold is balanced.

Shares
With Rs. 3.3 crore in shares, you have a significant amount in the equity market, which is excellent for growth. However, individual shares carry higher risks compared to diversified equity mutual funds.

Diversification and Rebalancing Strategy
To achieve your goal of a Rs. 30 crore corpus by retirement, let's discuss a strategy focusing on diversification and rebalancing your portfolio.

Increase Allocation to Mutual Funds
Consider increasing your allocation to mutual funds. Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds. Engage with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to select funds that align with your risk tolerance and goals. A well-diversified mutual fund portfolio can significantly enhance growth prospects.

Reduce Fixed Deposits Allocation
Given the low returns on FDs, consider shifting a portion to equity mutual funds or debt mutual funds. This will improve your overall returns while maintaining some level of safety.

Optimize Real Estate Holdings
While real estate is a good investment, it’s illiquid. Assess if all three flats are necessary. If not, consider selling one and investing the proceeds in mutual funds or other higher-yielding assets.

Maintain a Balanced Equity Portfolio
Your Rs. 3.3 crore in shares is good for growth. However, ensure that it’s diversified across various sectors to mitigate risks. Engage with a CFP to review and possibly rebalance your equity portfolio.

Maintain Gold Holdings
Your current allocation in gold is balanced. Continue holding it as it provides a hedge against market volatility.

Planning for Retirement
To ensure you reach your Rs. 30 crore goal, consider the following steps:

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Invest regularly through SIPs in mutual funds. This helps in averaging out market volatility and building a disciplined investment habit.

Review and Rebalance
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to maintain the desired asset allocation. This ensures that your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This ensures financial stability without liquidating your investments.

Adequate Insurance
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. This protects your family from financial setbacks due to unforeseen events.

Tax Planning
Invest in tax-efficient options to save on taxes. Utilize tax deductions under various sections like 80C, 80D, etc. This helps in reducing your taxable income and saving taxes.

Education Fund for Your Son
You have mentioned having enough funds for your son's engineering education. Ensure that these funds are kept separate from your retirement savings. This will ensure that his education does not impact your retirement corpus.

Financial Discipline
Financial discipline is crucial. Stick to your budget, avoid unnecessary expenses, and prioritize savings and investments. This will improve your financial situation over time.

Importance of Financial Education
Enhance your financial literacy. Learn about different investment options, market trends, and financial planning strategies. This knowledge empowers you to make informed financial decisions.

Engaging with a Certified Financial Planner
Engaging with a CFP provides valuable guidance. A CFP offers personalized advice, helps you design a comprehensive financial plan, and assists in selecting suitable investments. This ensures that your investments align with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio is diversified, but there is room for optimization. By increasing your allocation to mutual funds, reducing your dependence on fixed deposits, and optimizing your real estate holdings, you can improve your portfolio’s growth potential.

Ensure regular reviews and rebalancing of your portfolio. Maintain an emergency fund and adequate insurance to safeguard against unforeseen events. Invest in tax-efficient options to maximize your savings.

Enhance your financial literacy to make informed decisions and stay disciplined with your savings and investments. Engage with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and ongoing support.

By following these steps, you can achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 30 crore and ensure financial stability for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 12, 2024Hindi
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Hi Our(mine and wife's) networth is 34L. Wife is 28 and I am 30. We have invested in physical Gold 50gms, stocks 12lac getting approx 15 - 25% returns p.a rebalancing once or twice a year and mirea asset large and midcap 1.3lac, quant less 64k, sbielss, zerodha less, mirae less each 21k and Nippon small cap 8k. We need to achieve our target of 7 cr at my age of 40. We planned to invest 1l per month 25k in gold, 20k in stocks, 10k Rd , 25k into our account were we will get 7.5%p.a in sb account, elss 12k and 8k for bonds. Is it a good way of diversification... We will use the money accumulated in our account to buy stocks incase of COVID like event when stocks were utter cheap. We have 5l as emergency fund and both parents and us are having medical insurance... I am learning about term insurance have to take one. Apart from this I am paying 11k as car emi. We are not planning to buy a home now. Or in near future. We are building a strict portfolio. Kindly help.
Ans: It sounds like you and your wife have a well-thought-out plan for your financial future! Let's break down your current situation and investment strategy, and see if there are any areas for optimization:

Current Financial Snapshot:
Net Worth: ?34 Lakhs
Investments:
Physical Gold: 50 grams
Stocks: ?12 Lakhs (with annual returns of 15-25%)
Mutual Funds:
Mirae Asset Large and Midcap: ?1.3 Lakhs
Quant: ?64,000
SBI, Zerodha, Mirae, and Nippon Funds: Various amounts
Investment Strategy:
Monthly Investments:

?25,000 in Gold
?20,000 in Stocks
?10,000 in RD
?25,000 in Savings Account (earning 7.5% p.a.)
?12,000 in ELSS
?8,000 in Bonds
Emergency Fund: ?5 Lakhs

Insurance: Medical insurance for both, planning for term insurance

Liabilities: Car EMI of ?11,000

Property Plans: No immediate plans to buy a home

Suggestions for Optimization:
Asset Allocation:

Your asset allocation seems reasonable, with a mix of physical assets (gold), equity (stocks and mutual funds), and fixed income (RD, savings account, bonds). Ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term goals.
Stock Portfolio:

Continue with your disciplined approach to investing in stocks. However, consider diversifying further by adding exposure to different sectors or market caps to reduce risk.
Mutual Fund Selection:

Review the performance of your existing mutual funds periodically. Consider consolidating your investments into a few high-performing funds to simplify management.
Emergency Fund:

Ensure your emergency fund covers at least 6-12 months of expenses. If not, consider increasing it before allocating more funds to investments.
Insurance:

Prioritize getting term insurance to provide financial protection for your family in case of unforeseen events. Aim for coverage that adequately meets your family's needs.
Liabilities:

Evaluate the cost of your car EMI relative to your overall financial goals. If possible, consider paying off the loan early to reduce interest payments.
Future Planning:

As you're not planning to buy a home in the near future, continue focusing on building your investment portfolio and increasing your net worth.
Final Thoughts:
Your investment strategy shows discipline and a clear focus on long-term wealth accumulation. With careful monitoring and periodic adjustments, you're well on your way to achieving your target of ?7 crores by age 40. Keep reviewing your plan regularly and consult with a financial advisor if needed to ensure you stay on track to meet your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 18, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir I am 37 and have wife and a son of age 7 years. I am not yet invested in markets and a corpus of around 30 lacs is invested in various FDs .However I would like to make a lump sum investment of around 23 lakhs in markets through various instruments out of these FDs as I understand these are not optimal enough and additionally start some SIPs. I am an executive in a PSU for last 14 years and wish take aim at two goals: a)Gathering a sufficient corpus for my son's education at the end of eleven years from now and b) Having a decent amount to retire with at an age of sixty .My in hand salary is around 1.25 lacs/month .Kindly suggest a plan as to diversification of these monetary assets for these goals.
Ans: Building Wealth for Your Family's Future: A Smart Move!
Congratulations on taking charge of your family's financial future! Moving Rs. 23 lakh from FDs to markets for your son's education and retirement is a wise decision. Here's a roadmap to consider:

Financial Goals:

Child's Education (11 Years): You need a corpus in 11 years for your son's education.

Retirement (23 Years): You aim to retire comfortably at 60 (23 years from now).

Investment Strategy:

Diversification is Key: Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Spread your Rs. 23 lakh investment across different asset classes to manage risk.

Consider a CFP: Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) is recommended. They can assess your risk tolerance, income, and create a personalized plan.

Potential Asset Allocation:

Equity Funds (SIPs & Lump Sum): Invest a portion in diversified equity mutual funds (SIPs and lump sum) for potentially higher growth over the long term. Actively managed funds involve experienced fund managers who try to pick stocks to outperform the market. Actively managed funds come with higher fees compared to passively managed funds.

Debt Funds (SIPs): Invest another portion in debt funds (SIPs) for stability and regular income. This could help meet your son's education needs closer to the time.

Gold (Small Portion): Consider a small allocation to gold for portfolio diversification.

Benefits of SIPs:

Rupee-Cost Averaging: SIPs help you invest regularly and benefit from rupee-cost averaging, potentially reducing the impact of market volatility.
Here's a simplified example (not a recommendation):

Equity Funds (60%): Invest 60% in a mix of Large-Cap and Multi-Cap equity funds (SIPs and lump sum).

Debt Funds (30%): Invest 30% in debt funds (SIPs) with a maturity horizon aligned with your son's education goal.

Gold (10%): Invest 10% in gold ETFs or Gold Savings Funds.

Remember:

Review Regularly: Review your portfolio (at least annually) with your CFP to ensure it remains aligned with your evolving goals.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund with 3-6 months of living expenses in easily accessible savings.

Long-Term View: Focus on the long term for your goals. Equity markets can be volatile in the short term.

By consulting a CFP and implementing a diversified investment strategy, you can increase your chances of achieving your financial goals for your son's education and a comfortable retirement!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 16, 2024

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Age 44, married with 1child. 52 lakhs in Mutual, 72 lakhs in equity. Monthly SIP 45k, wife has 1.5 cr in Mutual , 10 lakh in equity, SIP 35k/month. earning jointly is 3 lakh monthly. Monthly expenditure 50000. Want to retire at 60 with corpus of 10crore. Need guidance of any other investments is required to diversify investment or continue mutual funds or equity investments
Ans: You and your spouse have built a solid foundation with Rs. 2.74 crore in investments. Your monthly SIPs of Rs. 45,000 and Rs. 35,000, respectively, are commendable. Your combined monthly income of Rs. 3 lakh allows for a disciplined investment approach. Your goal to retire at 60 with a corpus of Rs. 10 crore is ambitious but achievable with the right strategy.

Evaluating Your Mutual Fund and Equity Investments
You have Rs. 52 lakhs in mutual funds and Rs. 72 lakhs in equity. Your spouse has Rs. 1.5 crore in mutual funds and Rs. 10 lakhs in equity. This shows a strong commitment to wealth-building.

Actively managed mutual funds are preferred over index funds. They can provide better returns due to the fund manager’s expertise.

Direct equity investments are good but require active monitoring. Regularly review your equity portfolio to ensure it aligns with your long-term goals.

It’s better to invest in regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures professional management and better alignment with your financial objectives.

Strategic Allocation for Future Growth
You are on the right track with your current investments. However, increasing your monthly SIPs over time can significantly impact your final corpus. Consider increasing your SIPs by a certain percentage every year.

Continue focusing on a diversified portfolio with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds. This will balance risk and return effectively.

Given your long investment horizon, you can take moderate risks. This will help in maximizing your returns over the next 16 years.

Ensure that your equity investments are diversified across sectors. Avoid concentration in a single sector, as it can increase risk.

Planning for a Rs. 10 Crore Corpus
To achieve a corpus of Rs. 10 crore by 60, consistent investments and growth are essential. Given your current savings and SIPs, you are on the right path. However, this goal may require incremental increases in investments.

Consider adding some balanced or hybrid funds to your portfolio. These funds provide a mix of equity and debt, offering stability while still aiming for growth.

Avoid low-return investment options like annuities. They might not help in reaching your target.

Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your goals. The financial markets can be volatile, and rebalancing helps in managing risks.

Insurance and Contingency Planning
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage for yourself and your family. This protects your investments from unexpected events.

Build a contingency fund if you haven’t already. This should cover at least 6 to 12 months of your monthly expenses. It ensures you don’t need to dip into your investments for emergencies.

Review your insurance policies. If you hold LIC, ULIP, or other investment-cum-insurance policies, consider surrendering them. Reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds for better growth potential.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is commendable, and you are on the right track to achieving your retirement goals. With a few adjustments, such as increasing SIPs, focusing on actively managed funds, and ensuring proper diversification, you can confidently aim for your Rs. 10 crore corpus by 60. Regular reviews and strategic planning will help you stay on course.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

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Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married What should I do
Ans: Dear Akriti,
After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?

Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.
Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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I am dating a person for 5years when we are doing internship. He is always there whenever I need any support and help in my bad time. He will protect me and loves me a lot. It is my first dating experience initially when we start dating we have intense attachment but I thought we would not be remain together for much longer time. I was always interested in good looking handsome man he is not that fair and handsome. Also he is from different caste and region(he is Bihari and I am from Uttarakhand) and in his family he has mom and sister(they are finding a match for her).I don’t know if I should marry him or not. Because I am not comfortable with his family(his mother is somewhat very concerned about his son not captured by any girl). So I think it will be a struggle for him to convince her. But my question is it is worth to go for love marriage if the boy loves you a lot but still I think there is gap with the criteria of being handsome which I dream as a young girl story even our bonds are getting stronger Please suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Appearance does not last a lifetime. Are you sure it is that important for you? After all, you fell in love with a man whose appearance isn't his best quality. Makes me wonder if you are just giving into the societal construct of wanting to marry for good looks.

Next, if you are concerned about your future in his house, it is best not to rush anything in terms of getting married. Think about it; have a clear discussion with him about the kind of future he can offer you. Love isn't the only thread that holds onto a relationship.

I cannot tell you if you should pursue this relationship, but I can tell you that you shouldn't break up with someone because they are not fair or handsome by your standards.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I’m a 26 yr old woman, was in a relationship with my classmate from school a year ago. We dated for a few months and then talked to my parents about us as they had started looking for matches for me in arranged marriage . Once I told them about us they got very emotional and didn’t agree for our marriage as we are from different caste. So we decided to breakup and just stay as friends but we are not able to move on from each other ..it’s been 6 months now, my parents have started looking for alliances for me again now but I’m not getting any interest in these because I’m not able to forget him. But I’m also scared to take a strong decision to hurt my parents and get married to him because I’m a very sensitive person and sometimes he behaves manipulative with some people and I’m scared he’ll do that with me also if any fights happen with him or his family. But I’m not able to forget him. Please tell me what to do as I have lost peace and crying every night.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sounds like you are torn between your feelings for him and love and respect for your parents. Firstly, acknowledge that you are allowed to feel confused. Next, understand that you deserve a relationship where you feel happy and safe. Will this relationship give you that? Take some time to evaluate whether staying with him will align with your goal of long-term happiness. You have mentioned manipulation; consider that too when gauging the potential of this relationship.

Coming to your parents, you can try gently communicating your unwillingness to get married to someone else right now. That does not automatically translate to your desire to marry this guy. It can also mean that you need some time to figure things out. Ultimately, you need to make a decision that makes you happy- whether it means working things out with him or taking a separate path. I am sure you will make the right choice.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i am a 52 year ols women i have never had a secure relationship only who wanted to have s.Marriage in proposals too dint work for me. At late 40 age i met a guy it was all good till start 1 year but since 3 years we just fight my fault to as i have no family no friends and all i have to look after 2 aged parents and i am deep involved my life is just that. This relationship is good to talk on phone as all i do is talk my problems 24 by 7 365 days which i understands upsets him. But i see no effort too from him for meeting planning dates and if i do i pay for it all he never pays . I lost interest felt disappointed after going on saying he never tries to make plans talk future his family finance. I am not sure what i should do stay or live my life alone which i was always doing.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Start fresh and if you had a clean slate, what would you want to draw on it?
All your miseries or what you actually want from life?
When you meet someone new and you dump your set of issues on them, how exactly do you think they are going to be interested in taking you out on a date?
Your prospective life partner is not a dumping yard for your life's problems BUT a person that is going to marry you and support you and who you can trust. And will you start this relationship by actually talking only about your problems? Honestly, you need to ask yourself if you will be interested in a guy who keeps ranting about all things going wrong...
Establish a connection by being on a positive ground and showing the other person that you care and also are interested in knowing about them. This interest will let them lower their guard down and actually connect with you at an emotional level and then you can pursue this as a potential life partner association...somewhere down the line, they will be genuinely interested in being a part of your challenges and that's when you make them your strength to solve these challenges. Am I making sense to you?
Do you see how you have been sabotaging your own future? Dust yourself, become genuinely interested in people not to dump your problems on them but to make a genuine connection and watch how things change for you. Prioritize your life not your problems!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Relationship
Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?
Ans: Dear Avinash,
I am sure by now you realize that having parallel lives is not easy. Maybe you are at that stage where a decision must be made...
You owe at least that much to your respective spouses who have nothing to do this life of yours...

The lady in question wants the cake and wants to eat it too...obviously she needs to see that if she wants her marriage, then you are going to keep your marriage as well and with that all the insecurities that arise must also be accepted as this is something that the two of you got into willingly...did she not know that a relationship outside of marriage comes with its set of challenges like insecurities, doubts, fears, instability and more? I guess it's not about you making her sane and trust you BUT for the two fo you to come to some sort of a decision on where all this is leading?

Again, I say this...leading two lives in parallel ain't easy; especially on an emotional level!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, I have been reading since long the advices you give to others expecting that there can be an identical issue which i am suffering, i am 48yrs and my wife 42yrs married for 22yrs & having grown up children, over period of time my wife has become more dominating expecting me to listen and follow everything what she says, everything was going fine for until last six years when she was following me as a dutiful wife, since last 6-7yrs she is disinterested in sex also, i sit and speak with her trying to address all the issues, but things get back to ZERO within days, she has turned very short tempered and egoistic, shouting and using foul language in rage at times, we both are highly educated and give lectures at college with limited reasonable income, the problem is she compares her life to others and disturbs our life, ours is a marriage against parents so both the side relatives are little indifferent and we are not extroverts or that persons who are outgoing to change all that, we just lead our life within ourselves and try to help the relatives whenever they come to us. My question is that is it not cruel for a wife to deprive the husband of sex and develop unreasonable expectations comparing the lifestyles of others. when at peace my wife suggests that i can look outside for sex and she is ok with it but i don't believe in it and in her words, at times in rage she keeps asking for divorce uttering foul language, i keep reminding her that emotions, anger and rage shall only aggravate the issues we should know what we actually want and seek it speaking to each other, i feel that my wife doesn't know what she wants from herself or from me or from life, Anu, Is this all that pre-menopause frustrations which is building up or is it some mental issues which are surfacing due to negligence from me or our relatives? Please suggest? Thank you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's understand it in 3 ways..

1) Whether your wife is in pre-menopause or perimenopause or menopause stage can be determined only by a doctor. A lot of material floats on the internet convincing people of one over the other BUT it's important to get it validated by a doctor that will help your wife understand what is going on with her body and how it impacts her mind...

2) It is also possible that the current sex routine maybe boring to her and infusing it with some spice can get things going? So, think out of the box here...

3) Also, you might want to think if the emotional bond between the two of you has broken down; women respond to sex easier when they feel emotionally connected and safe with their man...

What will be useful in your situation is: to reconnect with her and aim to connect with her emotionally. This will help her in conveying to you what might be the problem and then it gets easier to solve it or take necessary steps...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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