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Sanjeev

Sanjeev Govila  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Mar 28, 2024

Colonel Sanjeev Govila (retd) is the founder of Hum Fauji Initiatives, a financial planning company dedicated to the armed forces personnel and their families.
He has over 12 years of experience in financial planning and is a SEBI certified registered investment advisor; he is also accredited with AMFI and IRDA.... more
Kumar Question by Kumar on Mar 13, 2024Hindi
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Sir My age is 53. My PF contribution from salary is (20K PF+ 20K VPF + 5K PPF) per month , NPS 50K/per year and Insurance premium of 30K/per year. Invested 20Lakh in 2400 sq ft land. Rest all contribution as of now is Rs 60 Lakh(PF and Insurance). My son is in 6th Standard. My take home after deduction is 1.5 lakh. Don't have any home and staying in rented house. Total expense per month around 40K including sons education. I have not shared in any share market or mutual fund as of now. Is it right age for me to invest in share or mutual fund. What else I can invest so that I can construct a house after retirement and sons education. Thank you

Ans: Upon reviewing your financial status, it's evident that you've made prudent choices in utilizing EPF, VPF, PPF, NPS for retirement savings, alongside owning land assets. However, your investment portfolio is heavily skewed towards debt instruments, lacking significant exposure to equity for potential long-term growth.

It's advisable to assess your risk tolerance with a financial advisor to ensure an appropriate asset allocation. Additionally, consider diversifying into gold or other asset classes depending on risk appetite. By implementing these strategies, you can enhance your financial resilience and pursue long-term wealth accumulation effectively.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 25, 2024

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Money
I am 36 years old, married. I am investing 45k per month on SIP ( 22k Nifty 50 UTI, 10K parag parekh, 8k SBI small cap, 5k Mid cap) , 10k in PPF, 7k NPS, 5k on stocks as investment. I have EPF as well 16k per month. I am planning to buy a house and I also I pay rent of 16k currently. I have a small flat of home loan 14k. Sir plz do let me know if my investment choice is fine or not. Also I want to have a pension of 70k-1 lac when I retire in my home town.
Ans: It's commendable to see your commitment towards saving and investing at such a young age. Let's delve into your current investment strategy and future goals.

Your SIP investments across different categories indicate a diversified approach, which is good. However, it's essential to review the performance of these funds periodically and ensure they align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

The allocation towards PPF and NPS reflects a mix of long-term savings and retirement planning, which is a prudent move.

Considering your plan to buy a house and current home loan, it's crucial to balance your investments with your liabilities. Also, with rent and EPF contributions, ensuring sufficient liquidity for short-term needs and emergencies is vital.

For your retirement goal of having a pension of 70k-1 lac, you might want to consider increasing your NPS contributions or exploring other pension-oriented investment avenues.

A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice tailored to your financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance. They can help you optimize your investment portfolio, guide you on balancing investments with your future home purchase, and align your retirement savings with your desired pension.

Remember, financial planning is a dynamic process, and it's essential to review and adjust periodically to stay on track towards your goals. Best wishes for your financial journey ahead!

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 39 years old IT employee , I have monthly income of 3.5 lakhs and have a 10 years old son and wife .I have 35 lakhs in PF and 8 lakhs in ppf ,All I invested is in real estate and no other investments also i have 48 lakhs lakh an remaining for a house ,Where should I invest of I need to lan retirement by 50 will need 1.5 lakhs income per month post that
Ans: Retiring by age 50 with a steady monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakhs is a significant goal. Given your current assets, it's crucial to strategically plan your investments to achieve this target. You have a strong base, and with careful planning, you can reach your retirement goals.

Assessing Current Financial Situation
You have a solid monthly income of Rs. 3.5 lakhs. This is a good start.

You have Rs. 35 lakhs in your Provident Fund (PF) and Rs. 8 lakhs in your Public Provident Fund (PPF). These are excellent long-term savings.

You have invested Rs. 48 lakhs in real estate. However, real estate alone may not be enough for retirement. Diversifying your portfolio is crucial.

Understanding the Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to minimizing risk and maximizing returns. Currently, your investments are concentrated in real estate. You should consider diversifying into different asset classes.

Building a Balanced Investment Portfolio
1. Equity Mutual Funds:

Equity mutual funds can provide high returns over the long term. They are suitable for your retirement goal, which is more than a decade away.

Consider allocating a portion of your funds to diversified equity mutual funds. These funds invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, providing a balanced exposure to the equity market.

2. Debt Mutual Funds:

Debt mutual funds are less risky compared to equity funds. They provide stable returns and can be used to balance the risk in your portfolio.

Investing in debt funds will ensure that a portion of your investments remains safe, while still earning moderate returns.

3. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Your current PPF investment is Rs. 8 lakhs. Continue contributing to PPF as it offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. It’s a safe investment for long-term financial goals.

4. Provident Fund (PF):

With Rs. 35 lakhs in PF, you already have a significant amount saved. Ensure you continue contributing to this fund, as it provides a reliable source of retirement income.

Exploring the Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, run by experienced fund managers, can potentially outperform the market. These funds require active monitoring and adjustment, which can lead to better returns compared to passive index funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Index funds follow the market index, and they do not aim to outperform it. This means during market downturns, index funds will also suffer. They lack the flexibility to adjust holdings based on market conditions.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Actively managed funds have the potential to generate higher returns. Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market trends and economic conditions. They can also provide a more tailored investment approach.

Considering the Role of Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can offer several advantages. They provide personalized advice and help create a financial plan tailored to your goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Investing directly without professional guidance can be risky. You might miss out on strategic opportunities and fail to manage risk effectively. A CFP can help optimize your investment strategy.

Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP:

Investing through regular funds with the help of a CFP ensures you receive expert advice. They can help you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions. This professional guidance can lead to better financial outcomes.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
To achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 1.5 lakhs monthly income post-retirement, you need to build a substantial corpus. Given your current assets and income, a disciplined investment approach is essential.

1. Setting Clear Goals:

Define how much you need at retirement. This will help you understand how much to save and invest each month.

2. Regular Investments:

Invest regularly in mutual funds through Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs). SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and build a corpus over time.

3. Reviewing and Rebalancing:

Regularly review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. This involves shifting funds between asset classes based on market performance and your investment horizon.

Importance of Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This fund should cover at least six months' worth of expenses. It ensures you don't have to dip into your long-term investments in case of emergencies.

Managing Insurance Needs
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. Life insurance protects your family in case of any unfortunate event. Health insurance covers medical expenses, preventing financial strain.

Planning for Your Child's Future
Your 10-year-old son's education and future needs should also be planned for. Consider investing in child-specific mutual funds or creating a dedicated investment plan for his higher education and other needs.

Evaluating Current Investments
Real Estate:

While real estate can provide good returns, it's not very liquid. Consider the rental income potential and capital appreciation of your property.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF):

These are secure investments with tax benefits. Continue contributing to these funds for long-term stability.

Achieving Financial Independence
To achieve financial independence by 50, you need a comprehensive financial plan. This involves:

1. Increasing Savings:

Try to save and invest a significant portion of your income. Aim to save at least 30-40% of your monthly income.

2. Reducing Debt:

Avoid taking on new debt. Pay off any existing loans to reduce financial burden.

3. Enhancing Income:

Explore ways to increase your income. This could be through promotions, bonuses, or side gigs.

Final Insights
Reaching your retirement goal by 50 is achievable with disciplined planning and strategic investments. Diversify your portfolio, invest in equity and debt mutual funds, and continue contributing to PF and PPF. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investments and ensure a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024Hindi
Money
My salary 2.4 lac per month. I am 42 my wife and two son comprising of my family. One son is in 5th standard and other yet to start education. I have 2 house emis of 1.6 lacs of which one generates rent of 40k per month. Have around 50 lacs in investment comprising of 20lac in ppf and rest in stocks and sips and mfs. Only have company health insurance and no term insurance. Schooling cost is 1.2 lacs per annum. Rest expenses includes holiday every 6 months and daily needs. Please help me sort out investment to ensure I can generate enough to retire in next 10 years?
Ans: You have a solid foundation, and it’s commendable that you are managing two home loans while balancing various investments. Your monthly salary of Rs 2.4 lakhs and an EMI burden of Rs 1.6 lakhs shows you are carrying significant financial responsibility. However, generating Rs 40,000 from rent is helping reduce the impact of your EMIs.

Key highlights:

Monthly salary: Rs 2.4 lakhs
Two house EMIs: Rs 1.6 lakhs
Rent: Rs 40,000 per month
Investment portfolio: Rs 50 lakhs (Rs 20 lakhs in PPF, rest in stocks, SIPs, and MFs)
Annual schooling cost: Rs 1.2 lakhs
Other expenses: Holiday every 6 months, daily needs
No term insurance
Company health insurance only
While you have done well to invest Rs 50 lakhs, the lack of term insurance and the heavy EMI burden may be areas for improvement. Your goal of retiring in 10 years is achievable, but some adjustments will be necessary to optimize your portfolio and secure a comfortable future.

Investment Strategy Review
Let’s break down your current investments to better align them with your retirement goal in the next 10 years.

PPF (Public Provident Fund) - Rs 20 Lakhs
The PPF is a safe, long-term investment with tax benefits, but its returns are relatively modest. Over the next 10 years, this will continue to grow at a steady pace.

Action Plan:

Keep contributing to your PPF but avoid putting additional large sums.
PPF should be treated as part of your safe, low-risk portfolio.
Stocks, SIPs, and Mutual Funds (Rest of Rs 30 Lakhs)
Your exposure to equities through stocks and mutual funds will help you generate growth, but it needs diversification and regular review. SIPs in actively managed funds are ideal for long-term goals like retirement.

Action Plan:

Actively managed mutual funds: Ensure that the mutual funds you are invested in are diversified across sectors and are actively managed.
Avoid direct funds: Regular funds provide better tracking and advice from an MFD with CFP credentials, which is crucial for your long-term planning.
Review your stock portfolio: Individual stocks carry more risk than mutual funds. It is wise to regularly assess performance and sell off underperforming stocks.
Balance with debt funds: Include some debt funds for stability, especially as you approach your retirement goal.
Rental Income from Property
Your rental income of Rs 40,000 per month is a significant contributor to offset your EMIs. While real estate is not recommended as a new investment option, your existing property generating income can support your cash flow needs.

Action Plan:

Rent reassessment: Ensure you are getting market rent or consider raising it over time to adjust for inflation.
No additional real estate investments: Avoid tying more capital into real estate. Focus on growing your financial portfolio instead.
Critical Areas for Improvement
1. Lack of Term Insurance
It’s essential to secure your family’s future in case of any unexpected event. Currently, you do not have term insurance, which is a vital part of any financial plan.

Action Plan:

Immediate term insurance: Buy a term plan covering at least 10-12 times your annual income. This will ensure your family is financially secure if something happens to you.
2. Health Insurance Coverage
You rely on company-provided health insurance. This is risky, as you may lose coverage if you switch jobs or retire early. Having separate family health insurance will ensure consistent protection.

Action Plan:

Buy individual health insurance: Get family floater health insurance with adequate coverage for your entire family, ensuring lifelong renewability.
Supplemental critical illness cover: Consider adding critical illness coverage to protect against major health expenses.
3. EMI Management
You have significant EMIs totaling Rs 1.6 lakhs per month. While one property generates rental income, the overall EMI burden is high. Managing this will be crucial for freeing up cash flow for further investments.

Action Plan:

Prepay EMIs: Any surplus income should go toward prepaying your loans, starting with the one without rental income. Reducing this burden will ease your cash flow.
No additional loans: Avoid taking on any further debt to ensure your financial plan stays on track.
Retirement Planning
You aim to retire in 10 years, at age 52. With your current lifestyle and goals, your investments will need to provide enough to cover your post-retirement expenses. Here’s a strategy to ensure a comfortable retirement:

1. Estimate Future Expenses
Your current schooling costs are Rs 1.2 lakhs per year, and other living expenses include vacations and daily needs. Over the next 10 years, expenses will increase due to inflation, and you must account for these future costs when planning your retirement.

Action Plan:

Create a detailed budget: Track all your current expenses and project them for the next 10 years, considering inflation. This will give you a clearer picture of your financial needs after retirement.
2. Build a Retirement Corpus
With 10 years to go, you will need to create a solid retirement corpus. The Rs 50 lakhs you currently have, along with further investments, will need to grow substantially. Here’s how to optimize this growth:

Action Plan:

Increase SIP contributions: Start contributing more to your SIPs as soon as your EMI burden reduces. A higher SIP contribution in actively managed mutual funds will provide better growth potential over the next decade.
Diversify investments: Include a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds to ensure a balanced risk-return profile. Actively managed funds, especially those recommended by a certified financial planner, will perform better than index funds or ETFs.
Regular portfolio review: Work with a certified financial planner to review your portfolio annually. Ensure your funds are performing as expected and make necessary adjustments.
3. Plan for Post-Retirement Income
After retirement, you will need a reliable source of income to meet your monthly expenses. Your investments must be structured to provide regular income, adjusted for inflation.

Action Plan:

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Set up SWPs in mutual funds to provide a regular, inflation-adjusted income post-retirement.
Emergency Fund: Set aside a portion of your corpus in a liquid fund for emergencies. This will ensure you don’t have to liquidate long-term investments prematurely.
Final Insights
To achieve your goal of retiring in 10 years, you will need to fine-tune your investment strategy and reduce your EMI burden. Your current investments, while substantial, require diversification and a focus on growth-oriented funds.

Additionally, securing term insurance and individual health insurance is critical for protecting your family’s future. By prepaying your loans and increasing SIP contributions over time, you will be better positioned to build a retirement corpus capable of supporting your post-retirement lifestyle.

Finally, always remember that regular reviews with a certified financial planner are key to staying on track and adjusting for any changes in your financial situation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
Relationship
Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |127 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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