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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 39 years old IT employee , I have monthly income of 3.5 lakhs and have a 10 years old son and wife .I have 35 lakhs in PF and 8 lakhs in ppf ,All I invested is in real estate and no other investments also i have 48 lakhs lakh an remaining for a house ,Where should I invest of I need to lan retirement by 50 will need 1.5 lakhs income per month post that

Ans: Retiring by age 50 with a steady monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakhs is a significant goal. Given your current assets, it's crucial to strategically plan your investments to achieve this target. You have a strong base, and with careful planning, you can reach your retirement goals.

Assessing Current Financial Situation
You have a solid monthly income of Rs. 3.5 lakhs. This is a good start.

You have Rs. 35 lakhs in your Provident Fund (PF) and Rs. 8 lakhs in your Public Provident Fund (PPF). These are excellent long-term savings.

You have invested Rs. 48 lakhs in real estate. However, real estate alone may not be enough for retirement. Diversifying your portfolio is crucial.

Understanding the Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to minimizing risk and maximizing returns. Currently, your investments are concentrated in real estate. You should consider diversifying into different asset classes.

Building a Balanced Investment Portfolio
1. Equity Mutual Funds:

Equity mutual funds can provide high returns over the long term. They are suitable for your retirement goal, which is more than a decade away.

Consider allocating a portion of your funds to diversified equity mutual funds. These funds invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, providing a balanced exposure to the equity market.

2. Debt Mutual Funds:

Debt mutual funds are less risky compared to equity funds. They provide stable returns and can be used to balance the risk in your portfolio.

Investing in debt funds will ensure that a portion of your investments remains safe, while still earning moderate returns.

3. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Your current PPF investment is Rs. 8 lakhs. Continue contributing to PPF as it offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. It’s a safe investment for long-term financial goals.

4. Provident Fund (PF):

With Rs. 35 lakhs in PF, you already have a significant amount saved. Ensure you continue contributing to this fund, as it provides a reliable source of retirement income.

Exploring the Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, run by experienced fund managers, can potentially outperform the market. These funds require active monitoring and adjustment, which can lead to better returns compared to passive index funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Index funds follow the market index, and they do not aim to outperform it. This means during market downturns, index funds will also suffer. They lack the flexibility to adjust holdings based on market conditions.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Actively managed funds have the potential to generate higher returns. Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market trends and economic conditions. They can also provide a more tailored investment approach.

Considering the Role of Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can offer several advantages. They provide personalized advice and help create a financial plan tailored to your goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Investing directly without professional guidance can be risky. You might miss out on strategic opportunities and fail to manage risk effectively. A CFP can help optimize your investment strategy.

Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP:

Investing through regular funds with the help of a CFP ensures you receive expert advice. They can help you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions. This professional guidance can lead to better financial outcomes.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
To achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 1.5 lakhs monthly income post-retirement, you need to build a substantial corpus. Given your current assets and income, a disciplined investment approach is essential.

1. Setting Clear Goals:

Define how much you need at retirement. This will help you understand how much to save and invest each month.

2. Regular Investments:

Invest regularly in mutual funds through Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs). SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and build a corpus over time.

3. Reviewing and Rebalancing:

Regularly review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. This involves shifting funds between asset classes based on market performance and your investment horizon.

Importance of Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This fund should cover at least six months' worth of expenses. It ensures you don't have to dip into your long-term investments in case of emergencies.

Managing Insurance Needs
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. Life insurance protects your family in case of any unfortunate event. Health insurance covers medical expenses, preventing financial strain.

Planning for Your Child's Future
Your 10-year-old son's education and future needs should also be planned for. Consider investing in child-specific mutual funds or creating a dedicated investment plan for his higher education and other needs.

Evaluating Current Investments
Real Estate:

While real estate can provide good returns, it's not very liquid. Consider the rental income potential and capital appreciation of your property.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF):

These are secure investments with tax benefits. Continue contributing to these funds for long-term stability.

Achieving Financial Independence
To achieve financial independence by 50, you need a comprehensive financial plan. This involves:

1. Increasing Savings:

Try to save and invest a significant portion of your income. Aim to save at least 30-40% of your monthly income.

2. Reducing Debt:

Avoid taking on new debt. Pay off any existing loans to reduce financial burden.

3. Enhancing Income:

Explore ways to increase your income. This could be through promotions, bonuses, or side gigs.

Final Insights
Reaching your retirement goal by 50 is achievable with disciplined planning and strategic investments. Diversify your portfolio, invest in equity and debt mutual funds, and continue contributing to PF and PPF. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investments and ensure a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 04, 2024Hindi
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Hi I have around 30 lakhs in MF, 5 lakhs in equity , 4.5 lakhs in PPF AND around 1.5 lakhs in PF. I am 28 as of now how should i plan my investment i can invest 50-60 k per month. I have my parental home so i do not have an immediate goal of buying a home.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Position
You have already made significant progress in your investments. Your portfolio includes mutual funds, equity, PPF, and PF.

Mutual Funds: Rs. 30 lakhs

Equity: Rs. 5 lakhs

PPF: Rs. 4.5 lakhs

PF: Rs. 1.5 lakhs

You are 28 years old, which is a great age to build a strong financial foundation.

Monthly Investment Capacity
You can invest Rs. 50,000 to Rs. 60,000 per month. This is a substantial amount for wealth creation.

Goals and Time Horizon
Define your financial goals and their time horizons. Common goals might include:

Emergency Fund: Immediate

Retirement: Long-term

Higher Education for Children: Medium to long-term

Travel or Lifestyle Upgrades: Medium-term

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6 to 12 months of expenses. This should be easily accessible.

Retirement Planning
Start planning for retirement early. Invest in a mix of equity and debt for a balanced approach.

Investment Strategy
Your investment strategy should balance growth and safety.

Equity Investments
Mutual Funds: Continue investing in mutual funds. They offer diversification and professional management.

Direct Equity: Direct equity investments can provide high returns but come with higher risk.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Time-Consuming: Managing direct funds requires constant research.

Lack of Professional Guidance: You may miss out on expert advice.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Management: Regular funds are managed by experts.

Convenience: Saves time and provides professional insights.

Debt Investments
PPF: Continue investing in PPF for tax-free returns and safety.

Debt Mutual Funds: These provide stable returns and are more tax-efficient.

Balanced Portfolio
A balanced portfolio reduces risk and maximizes returns.

Suggested Allocation:

Equity: 60% to 70%

Debt: 30% to 40%

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Invest through SIPs for rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.

Tax Planning
Consider tax-efficient investments to minimize your tax burden.

Reviewing and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio regularly and rebalance it to align with your goals.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized planning.

Conclusion
Your financial journey is off to a great start. Continue investing wisely and review your plans regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello sir, I am 38 years old married, 1 child.Monthly expenses are 60k ( including the home loan emi).My present portfolio is 20 lakhs in ppf, 60 thousand in NPS (just started), 2 lakhs emergency fund fd,1.5 lakhs in sukanya samriddhi, 6 lakhs in mf (monthly sip of 20), home loan outstanding amount is 8 lakhs, 5 lakhs gold bond.I have around 90 lakhs to Invest, where shall I invest this money?
Ans: First, let’s appreciate your existing investments. You have Rs. 20 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 60,000 in NPS, Rs. 2 lakhs in an emergency fund FD, Rs. 1.5 lakhs in Sukanya Samriddhi, Rs. 6 lakhs in mutual funds (with a monthly SIP of Rs. 20,000), Rs. 8 lakhs in a home loan, and Rs. 5 lakhs in gold bonds. This is a well-diversified portfolio and a solid foundation.

Assessing Financial Goals and Risk Tolerance
Understanding your financial goals is key. You are 38, married, with one child. It’s crucial to plan for your child's education, your retirement, and possibly any other goals like buying a new car or a family vacation. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 60,000, including your home loan EMI. With Rs. 90 lakhs to invest, let's look at how you can make the most of this amount.

Emergency Fund Enhancement
Your emergency fund is Rs. 2 lakhs, which is a good start. However, for better financial security, aim to have at least 6 months of expenses set aside. With your monthly expenses at Rs. 60,000, a 6-month emergency fund would be Rs. 3.6 lakhs. Consider increasing your emergency fund by Rs. 1.6 lakhs.

Paying Off Debt
Your home loan outstanding amount is Rs. 8 lakhs. Paying off this debt can be a good idea as it reduces financial stress and saves on interest. Using Rs. 8 lakhs to clear this loan would free up your monthly EMI amount, increasing your monthly disposable income.

Enhancing Retirement Savings
Your contribution to NPS has just started. NPS is a good retirement vehicle due to its tax benefits and potential for long-term growth. Consider allocating a portion of your Rs. 90 lakhs to boost your NPS investment. This will enhance your retirement corpus significantly.

Child’s Education Fund
The Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana for your daughter is a great initiative. However, considering the rising costs of education, it’s essential to supplement this with additional investments. You might consider mutual funds focused on long-term growth, like equity funds, for building a substantial education corpus.

Mutual Funds for Wealth Accumulation
You already have Rs. 6 lakhs in mutual funds with a monthly SIP of Rs. 20,000. Increasing your SIP amount can significantly enhance your wealth over time. Actively managed funds can provide better returns compared to index funds due to active management and potential for higher gains.

Gold as a Hedge
Gold bonds worth Rs. 5 lakhs are a good hedge against inflation and market volatility. It’s prudent to hold onto these as part of a diversified portfolio. However, don’t increase your gold allocation further since it’s not a high-growth asset.

Direct vs. Regular Mutual Funds
You might have heard about direct mutual funds, which have lower expense ratios. However, direct funds require you to manage and monitor them yourself. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) in regular funds offers you professional advice and management, potentially leading to better returns despite the slightly higher cost. The expertise and strategic guidance of a CFP can be invaluable in navigating market complexities.

Investing in Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have the advantage of professional management aiming to outperform the market. They can adapt to market changes more effectively than index funds. Given your significant amount to invest, actively managed funds can offer the potential for higher returns through skilled management and market opportunities.

Diversification Across Asset Classes
Investing in a diversified portfolio is essential. Consider allocating your Rs. 90 lakhs across different asset classes such as equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Equity funds, including large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, offer growth potential. Debt funds provide stability and regular income, making them less volatile.

Equity Mutual Funds
For long-term growth, equity mutual funds are beneficial. Large-cap funds provide stability with moderate returns, while mid-cap and small-cap funds offer higher growth potential but with increased risk. A diversified equity fund portfolio can balance growth and risk effectively.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds are ideal for stability and regular income. They invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They’re less volatile and provide consistent returns, making them a suitable choice for conservative investors.

Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds, which invest in both equity and debt, offer a balanced approach. They provide growth potential from equity investments and stability from debt investments. They’re a good choice for moderate risk-takers looking for balanced returns.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a great way to invest regularly and benefit from market fluctuations through rupee cost averaging. Increasing your SIP amount can enhance your investment corpus significantly over time. It also instills disciplined investing habits.

Lump Sum Investments
Given your substantial amount to invest, consider spreading your investments over time through Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs). This approach can mitigate market timing risk and ensure smoother entry into the market.

Tax Planning
Investments should also be tax-efficient. Tax-saving mutual funds (ELSS) provide tax benefits under Section 80C and have the potential for good returns. Ensure your investments are aligned with your tax planning to maximize returns post-tax.

Insurance
Insurance is crucial for financial security. Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage. If you have any investment-cum-insurance policies like LIC or ULIPs, consider surrendering them and reallocating the funds into more efficient investment vehicles like mutual funds.

Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is essential to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals. Market conditions change, and so do your financial goals and risk tolerance. Periodic reviews and rebalancing of your portfolio with the help of a CFP can ensure optimal performance.

Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with personalized advice tailored to your financial goals. A CFP can help you navigate market complexities, optimize your portfolio, and achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Building a Comprehensive Financial Plan
Creating a comprehensive financial plan involves assessing your current financial situation, setting clear goals, and devising strategies to achieve them. It includes budgeting, saving, investing, tax planning, and risk management. A well-structured financial plan can guide you towards financial security and independence.

Monitoring and Adjusting Investments
The financial markets are dynamic, and your financial plan should be adaptable to changes. Regular monitoring and timely adjustments to your investments are crucial. This ensures your portfolio remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance, maximizing the potential for achieving your financial objectives.

Importance of Long-term Perspective
Investing with a long-term perspective is key to building wealth. Short-term market fluctuations are inevitable, but maintaining a long-term view helps in riding out volatility and achieving substantial growth over time. Patience and discipline are essential in the journey of wealth creation.

Leveraging Technology
Using technology can enhance your investment experience. Various financial apps and tools provide easy access to your investment portfolio, market updates, and analytical tools. Leveraging these tools can help you make informed decisions and stay updated on your financial progress.

Final Insights
Your financial journey is unique and deserves a tailored approach. By enhancing your emergency fund, paying off debt, investing in diversified mutual funds, and leveraging professional guidance, you can achieve your financial goals. Remember, the key to successful investing is a balanced approach, regular monitoring, and staying informed. Your commitment to financial planning today will pave the way for a secure and prosperous future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 30, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 29 years old married male working in private sector with monthly income of 1lacs per month, currently I dont have any loans on me, I want to buy a house by the time I am 35 or 36 in NCR, secondly I want to invest for my childs future studies and marriage he is one year old now and lastly I want to retire by 55-56 with 5-7 cr in hand. Currently I have invested in one ULIP policy of hdfc life with 60000 as anual premium, I have term life insurance with 85000 as annual premium and cover of 2 cr till I am 85 years old. I have 2 sip runnings 3500 each one in mirae asset mutual fund and one in icici prudential blue chip fund, apart from these I have invested approx 5lacs in various equities as well which involve infosys, tata steel, tata motors, anand rathi wealth management, vodafone Idea, exide ind, jsw energy, rail tel, lic, sbi cards, bob, etc. along with all these investments I send approx 20k to my parents every month I want to know how and where should I invest further to achieve my goals of buying a house, my child's future and my retirement.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You have a solid financial foundation. With a monthly income of Rs 1 lakh and no loans, you have ample opportunities to build wealth. Your investments in mutual funds, equities, and insurance are commendable. However, achieving your goals requires a more focused strategy.

Buying a House in NCR by Age 35-36
Down Payment Savings: Start a targeted savings plan. You’ll need around 20-30% of the property value for the down payment. Consider investing in a short-term debt mutual fund. This will provide stability and some growth over the next few years.

Avoid ULIPs for House Savings: ULIPs often have high charges and may not yield as much as a well-chosen mutual fund. Consider reallocating your ULIP investments to more suitable options.

Equity Diversification: Your current stock portfolio is diverse. However, for short-term goals like buying a house, reduce exposure to volatile stocks. Consider moving some funds to more stable, dividend-yielding stocks.

Planning for Your Child’s Future
Education Fund: Start a dedicated SIP in a child education-focused mutual fund. Actively managed funds have the potential for higher returns, which will help you build a significant corpus over time. Increase your SIP contributions as your income grows.

Marriage Fund: Start a parallel SIP for your child’s marriage. Since this is a long-term goal, allocate more towards equity funds, which tend to outperform other asset classes over the long term.

Review Insurance Needs: Your current term life insurance is adequate for now. However, as your family grows, you may need to reassess your coverage. Ensure your term plan adequately covers future education and marriage expenses.

Retirement Planning by Age 55-56
Corpus Target: To retire with Rs 5-7 crore, you need aggressive growth in your investments. Increase your SIP contributions in equity mutual funds. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds over the long term, especially in the Indian market.

Regular Contributions: Continue and gradually increase your SIPs as your income rises. The power of compounding will help you achieve your retirement goal.

Diversification: Diversify across different equity funds to reduce risk. Consider adding a balanced mutual fund to your portfolio for a mix of growth and stability.

Refining Your Current Investments
Review ULIP: The ULIP you’ve invested in may not be the best option for long-term growth. The charges involved are often high, and returns might not match those of mutual funds. Consider surrendering the ULIP and reallocating those funds into SIPs.

Mutual Fund Strategy: Your current SIPs in Mirae Asset and ICICI Prudential are good choices. However, considering your long-term goals, you might want to increase your SIP contributions or add more funds that align with your risk profile.

Stock Portfolio: Your equity investments are diverse. Ensure that you periodically review the performance of each stock. Stay updated on company performance, especially in volatile sectors like telecom.

Supporting Your Parents
Budget Allocation: Continue sending Rs 20,000 to your parents. This is a noble gesture and should be factored into your monthly budget. Ensure that this commitment doesn’t compromise your investment goals.

Emergency Fund: Keep an emergency fund aside for unexpected family needs. A portion of this can be in a liquid fund or a fixed deposit for quick access.

Final Insights
Reassess Insurance: Ensure that your term insurance adequately covers all future financial responsibilities. Avoid mixing insurance with investment. Term plans are cost-effective for pure life cover.

Avoid Real Estate as Investment: Focus on mutual funds and equity investments for long-term wealth creation. Real estate can be a high-cost, low-liquidity investment.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner: Regularly review and adjust your investment strategy with a Certified Financial Planner. They can help you stay on track to meet your goals.

Your financial goals are ambitious, but with a well-structured plan, they are achievable. Keep investing consistently and review your strategy regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
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Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
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The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

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You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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