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Can I Achieve My 3 Crore Goal In 10-15 Years With My Current Investment Strategy?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
Money

My Age is 43. my monthly salary is 75K. My home loan EMI is Rs. 15000/- per month (Loan Amt: Rs. 20 Lakhs for 20 Yrs) . I have started SIP's of Rs. 12000 per month since 1.5 yrs. My Goal is for 3 Crores in next 10-15 yrs. My SIP fund details are: 1. TATA SMALL CAP FUND- RS. 2000 2. Quant Mid Cap Fund - Rs. 2500 3. Canara Robeco Small Mid Cap Fund - Rs. 1000 4. Nippon India Small Cap Fund - Rs. 2500 5. ICICI Blue chip Fund Growth - Regular - Rs. 2000 6. ICICI Prudential Mutual Fund - Growth - Rs. 2000 Kindly guide to achieve the expected target within the 10-15 yrs. Thank you.

Ans: Current Financial Snapshot
At 43 years old, you earn Rs. 75,000 monthly. You have a home loan EMI of Rs. 15,000 per month. Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 3 crores in the next 10-15 years. You’ve been investing Rs. 12,000 per month in SIPs for 1.5 years. Let’s assess how you can achieve this ambitious target.

SIP Portfolio Analysis
Your current SIPs are spread across small-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds. Here’s a detailed evaluation of your portfolio:

Small-Cap Exposure: You’ve allocated Rs. 6,500 monthly to small-cap funds. Small-cap funds have the potential for high returns but come with high risk. At 43, it’s essential to strike a balance between growth and stability.

Mid-Cap Allocation: Rs. 2,500 per month is invested in a mid-cap fund. Mid-cap funds are a good mix of growth and risk, offering potential returns while being slightly less volatile than small-cap funds.

Large-Cap Focus: Rs. 2,000 per month is in a large-cap fund. Large-cap funds are more stable, investing in well-established companies. This provides a solid foundation for your portfolio.

Balanced Fund: Your investment in a fund that likely balances equity and debt adds some stability to your portfolio. This is a wise choice for risk management.

Enhancing Portfolio Diversification
Your current SIPs are heavily weighted towards small-cap funds, which are volatile. Diversifying your portfolio will reduce risk and increase the likelihood of reaching your Rs. 3 crore goal.

Increase Large-Cap Allocation: Large-cap funds offer more stability and consistent returns. Consider increasing your monthly SIP contribution to large-cap funds. This will add balance to your portfolio and reduce risk.

Introduce Balanced or Hybrid Funds: Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt. They provide growth potential while reducing volatility. Adding such funds can help stabilize your portfolio.

Reduce Small-Cap Exposure: While small-cap funds have high growth potential, they are also highly volatile. Given your age and goals, consider reducing your small-cap exposure.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Actively managed funds, which your portfolio consists of, can outperform index funds, especially in the Indian market. Here’s why actively managed funds are a better choice:

Higher Potential Returns: Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. This can result in higher returns compared to index funds.

Professional Management: These funds are managed by professionals who actively make investment decisions based on market conditions. This increases the chances of capitalizing on market opportunities.

Avoid Index Funds: Index funds simply track the market and may not provide the returns you need to meet your Rs. 3 crore goal. The lack of active management in index funds can be a disadvantage in a dynamic market like India.

The Importance of Regular Funds
Investing through regular funds via a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers several benefits. Here’s why it might be better than direct funds:

Expert Guidance: A CFP can provide tailored advice based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions. This helps in optimizing your portfolio.

Risk Management: CFPs help in balancing risk by suggesting appropriate asset allocation. This ensures your investments align with your risk appetite.

Periodic Reviews: Regular funds managed through a CFP are reviewed periodically. This helps in making necessary adjustments based on market conditions or changes in your financial goals.

Increasing SIP Contributions
To achieve your Rs. 3 crore goal, consider increasing your SIP contributions. Here’s why and how you should do it:

Annual Increase: Consider increasing your SIPs by 10-15% annually. This will help you accumulate a larger corpus over time. An annual step-up in your SIPs aligns with potential salary increments.

Step-Up SIPs: Some mutual funds offer a step-up SIP option. This feature allows your SIP contribution to increase automatically each year. This is a convenient way to boost your investments without needing to manually adjust your SIP amount.

Additional Investments: Besides increasing SIPs, consider making lump sum investments whenever you have surplus funds. This will further enhance your portfolio’s growth potential.

Managing Home Loan and Investments
Your home loan EMI of Rs. 15,000 is manageable but should be carefully balanced with your investment commitments.

Loan Prepayment: If you receive any bonuses or windfalls, consider using a portion to prepay your loan. This will reduce your interest burden and free up more money for investments.

EMI and SIP Balance: Ensure that your EMI and SIP contributions are well balanced. Don’t stretch yourself too thin. It’s important to maintain a healthy cash flow to manage both commitments comfortably.

Tax Planning and Wealth Accumulation
Effective tax planning is crucial for maximizing your returns and reaching your Rs. 3 crore goal. Here’s how you can optimize tax benefits:

Utilize Section 80C: Ensure that your investments like PPF, ELSS, and life insurance premiums fully utilize the Rs. 1.5 lakh deduction under Section 80C. This will reduce your taxable income and increase your savings.

Tax-Efficient Funds: Consider investing in tax-efficient funds such as ELSS, which provides tax benefits along with growth potential. This will enhance your overall returns.

Retirement Planning
As you approach your 50s, retirement planning becomes increasingly important. Here’s how to ensure you’re on track:

Dedicated Retirement Fund: Consider setting up a separate retirement fund. This could include NPS, PPF, or a retirement-specific mutual fund. These instruments offer a good mix of equity and debt, which is ideal for long-term growth and stability.

Review Retirement Goals: Regularly assess your retirement corpus to ensure it aligns with your future needs. Adjust your savings rate if necessary to meet your retirement goals.

Final Insights
Achieving a Rs. 3 crore corpus in 10-15 years requires a balanced and disciplined approach. Start by diversifying your SIP portfolio, increasing your SIP contributions, and considering additional investments. Manage your home loan effectively and optimize your tax planning to maximize savings. Regularly review and adjust your financial strategy as needed. With the right approach, your goal is well within reach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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I am presently doing a monthly SIP of Rs 60,000 in following funds and increase it every year by 10%. Kindly suggest me whether I am on right track or need some changes as my target is to generate at least Rs 12 crore in next 20 years for my retirement & daughter’s marriage. ICICI Bluechip Fund- Rs.3000 ICICI Value Discivery-Rs.3000 ICICI Mid Cap-Rs.2000 ICICI Multicap- Rs.2000 Motilal Oswal Multicap-35 – Rs.7000 Motilal Focussed 25- Rs.2500 Mirae Asset Large Cap-Rs.6000 HDFC Balanced Advantage-Rs.8000 Kotak Standard Multicap-Rs.6000 Franklin Smaller Companies Fund- Rs.6000 Axis Long Term Equity Fund-Rs.15000  Also investing about Rs 4,00,000/annum in NPS, ULIP, LIC & FDs. Name of the Fund Category RankMF Star Rating A. ICICI Bluechip Fund- Rs.3000 Equity - Large Cap Fund: 2 B. ICICI Value Discivery-Rs.3000 Equity - Value Fund: 2 C. ICICI Mid Cap-Rs.2000 Equity - Mid Cap Fund: 2 D. ICICI Multicap- Rs.2000 Equity - Multi Cap Fund: 2 E. MotilalOswal Multicap-35 – Rs.7000 Equity - Multi Cap Fund: 5 F. Motilal Focussed 25- Rs.2500 Equity - Focused Fund 5 G. Mirae Asset Large Cap-Rs.6000 Equity - Large Cap Fund: 4 H. HDFC Balanced Advantage-Rs.8000 Hybrid - Balanced Advantage 4 I. Kotak Standard Multicap-Rs.6000 Equity - Multi Cap Fund: 4 J. Franklin Smaller Companies Fund- Rs.6000 Equity - Small Cap Fund: 1 K. Axis Long Term Equity Fund-Rs.15000 Equity - ELSS 5
Ans: You may continue with 4 and 5 star rated funds; for remaining you may consider from below:

Equity - Value Fund:

  1. Tata Equity Pe Fund - Growth
  2. UTI Value Opportunities Fund - Growth Plan

Equity - Multi Cap Fund:

  1. UTI Equity Fund – Growth
  2. Axis Multicap Fund – Growth

Equity - Large Cap Fund:

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Equity - Mid Cap Fund:

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Equity - Small Cap Fund:

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

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Hi Sir Sangayya hear from Karnataka my age is 43 from last 3 years I started my SIP details r as below 1 ELSS - 5 sips each 1k 2. Large & mid cap fund - 3 sips 1k each 3. Thematic fund - Franklin India opp - 5k 4. Multi asset allocator - Tata 5k 5.Flexi cap fund - 2 Sips 1k each 6. Dynamic Asset - Edelweiss balanced Adv fund 1k 7. Small cap - Nippon India 1k Total monthly 22k is my investment kindly suggest I want to build my corpus 1cr in another 10 year & how much I have to invest more to achieve Target
Ans: Hello Sangayya, it's great to see your commitment to building your financial future through SIP investments. Let's break down your goal of reaching a corpus of 1 crore in 10 years and assess your current investment approach:

Review Current Investments: Evaluate the performance of your existing SIPs relative to their benchmarks and peers. This will help you understand if adjustments are needed to optimize your portfolio for growth.
Assess Required Monthly Investment: To reach a corpus of 1 crore in 10 years, you'll need to calculate the required monthly investment based on your expected rate of return. This depends on factors like the type of funds you're investing in and prevailing market conditions.
Consider Increasing SIP Amount: If your current monthly investment of 22k isn't sufficient to reach your goal, you may need to increase your SIP amounts or explore additional investment avenues. A Certified Financial Planner can help you determine the optimal investment strategy based on your risk tolerance and financial goals.
Stay Consistent and Patient: Building a substantial corpus takes time and discipline. Stay committed to your investment plan, continue SIPs regularly, and avoid making emotional decisions based on short-term market fluctuations.
Regular Portfolio Review: Periodically review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as needed. Rebalancing your investments and exploring new opportunities can help you stay on track towards achieving your financial goals.
Remember, while setting ambitious targets is commendable, it's essential to ensure that your investment strategy is realistic and aligned with your risk tolerance and financial capacity. With careful planning and perseverance, you can work towards building a significant corpus over the next decade.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 20, 2024Hindi
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Sir i am 32 and recently i have started sips in mutual fund for 20k month and i set my goal to achieve 2 crore at my age of 45 will i need to my sip or any other investment can i do to achieve my goal suggestion please.
Ans: Assessing Your Goal and Current Investment Strategy
Your Financial Goal

Objective: Accumulate Rs 2 crore by age 45.
Current Age: 32.
Investment Horizon: 13 years.
Current Investment Strategy

Monthly SIP Amount: Rs 20,000.
Investment Vehicle: Mutual Funds.
Evaluating Your SIP
Return Expectations

Historical Returns: Equity mutual funds typically offer 12-15% annual returns.
Growth Projection: Evaluate if Rs 20,000 monthly can reach Rs 2 crore in 13 years.
Calculating Potential Growth
Scenario Analysis

Assumed Returns:

12% annual return: Approximately Rs 1.02 crore.
15% annual return: Approximately Rs 1.22 crore.
Gap Analysis: There might be a shortfall in achieving Rs 2 crore with Rs 20,000 SIP at these returns.

Recommendations for Achieving Your Goal
Increase SIP Amount

Revised SIP Calculation: Increase your SIP amount to bridge the gap.
Optimal SIP: Calculate based on desired corpus and realistic return rates.
Diversify Investments

Balanced Portfolio: Consider adding debt funds for stability.
Equity Allocation: Keep a higher equity allocation for growth.
Regular Review and Adjustments

Annual Review: Assess your portfolio annually to ensure it’s on track.
Adjust SIP: Increase SIP amount based on income growth and market performance.
Additional Investment Strategies
Lump Sum Investments

Windfall Gains: Invest any bonuses or windfall gains to boost your corpus.
Regular Top-ups: Add lump sum investments periodically.
Alternative Investment Options

Avoid Direct Funds: Regular funds with a certified financial planner offer professional management and guidance.
Avoid Index Funds: Actively managed funds typically outperform in the long run due to expert management.
Risk Management
Insurance Coverage

Life Insurance: Ensure adequate life insurance to cover financial risks.
Health Insurance: Comprehensive health insurance to mitigate medical expenses.
Emergency Fund

Liquidity: Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses.
Final Insights
Commitment: Consistency in SIPs is crucial for long-term wealth creation.
Review and Adjust: Regularly review your portfolio and adjust investments based on performance and goals.
Consultation: Engage with a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and strategy.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 27, 2024Hindi
Money
My Age is 43. my monthly salary is 75K. My home loan EMI is Rs. 15000/- per month (Loan Amt: Rs. 20 Lakhs for 20 Yrs) . I have started SIP's of Rs. 12000 per month since 1.5 yrs. My Goal is for 3 Crores in next 10-15 yrs. My SIP fund details are: 1. TATA SMALL CAP FUND- RS. 2000 2. Quant Mid Cap Fund - Rs. 2500 3. Canara Robeco Small Mid Cap Fund - Rs. 1000 4. Nippon India Small Cap Fund - Rs. 2500 5. ICICI Blue chip Fund Growth - Regular - Rs. 2000 6. ICICI Prudential Mutual Fund - Growth - Rs. 2000 Kindly guide to achieve the expected target within the 10-15 yrs. Thank you
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Position
You are 43 years old with a monthly salary of Rs. 75,000. You have a home loan EMI of Rs. 15,000 per month, which is a significant commitment. Your SIPs of Rs. 12,000 per month, started 1.5 years ago, is a positive step towards wealth creation. Your goal is to accumulate Rs. 3 crores in the next 10 to 15 years. This is achievable with careful planning and disciplined investment.

Reviewing Your SIP Portfolio
Your current SIPs are diversified across various funds. However, it’s important to ensure that they align with your financial goals. Here’s an evaluation of your portfolio:

TATA Small Cap Fund - Rs. 2000:
Small-cap funds have high growth potential but come with higher risk. Given your age, this should be balanced with more stable options.

Quant Mid Cap Fund - Rs. 2500:
Mid-cap funds offer a good balance of growth and risk. This is a suitable choice, but keep an eye on the performance.

Canara Robeco Small Mid Cap Fund - Rs. 1000:
This fund adds further exposure to the mid-cap and small-cap segment. However, you may want to diversify beyond mid and small caps.

Nippon India Small Cap Fund - Rs. 2500:
Like the TATA Small Cap Fund, this carries higher risk. At your age, consider reducing exposure to small caps.

ICICI Blue Chip Fund Growth - Regular - Rs. 2000:
Blue-chip funds are relatively safer, focusing on large, well-established companies. This adds stability to your portfolio.

ICICI Prudential Mutual Fund - Growth - Rs. 2000:
The fund you mentioned likely has a mix of equities and debt. Ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance.

Diversification and Risk Management
Your portfolio is heavily weighted towards small-cap and mid-cap funds. While these funds have the potential for high returns, they also come with significant risk. At 43, it’s crucial to balance your portfolio with funds that offer more stability.

Increase Exposure to Large-Cap Funds:
Large-cap funds provide more stability and are less volatile than small-cap and mid-cap funds. Consider increasing your allocation here.

Consider Balanced or Hybrid Funds:
Balanced funds offer a mix of equity and debt. This can reduce risk while providing steady growth.

Reduce Small-Cap Exposure:
Given your goal and timeframe, you may want to reduce your allocation to small-cap funds. They are more volatile and may not align with your risk tolerance.

Maximising Returns with Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in the Indian market. Your portfolio already includes actively managed funds, which is a smart move.

Avoid Index Funds:
Index funds simply track the market and may not provide the superior returns you need to meet your Rs. 3 crore goal.

Focus on Fund Performance:
Regularly review the performance of your actively managed funds. If a fund underperforms consistently, consider switching to a better-performing fund.

The Role of SIPs in Achieving Your Goal
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are a disciplined way to build wealth over time. They help you take advantage of market fluctuations through rupee cost averaging. However, to reach your goal of Rs. 3 crores, you may need to increase your SIP contributions over time.

Increase SIP Contributions:
Consider increasing your SIP amount by 10-15% every year. This will help you accumulate a larger corpus over time.

Step-Up SIPs:
Some mutual funds offer a step-up SIP option, where your contribution increases automatically each year. This is a hassle-free way to boost your investments.

Additional Investments to Strengthen Your Portfolio
While SIPs are a great tool, you may need to explore other investment avenues to meet your Rs. 3 crore target.

Public Provident Fund (PPF):
Consider investing in PPF for its tax-free returns and safety. It’s a good option for long-term wealth building.

National Pension System (NPS):
NPS offers a mix of equity, debt, and government securities. It’s a good option for retirement planning with tax benefits.

Fixed Deposits (FDs) and Debt Funds:
Allocate a portion of your portfolio to debt instruments like FDs or debt mutual funds. This adds stability and reduces overall portfolio risk.

Managing Your Home Loan
Your home loan EMI is Rs. 15,000 per month, which is manageable given your income. However, it’s important to consider how this affects your ability to invest towards your Rs. 3 crore goal.

Prepay Your Loan:
If you receive a bonus or windfall, consider using a portion to prepay your loan. This reduces your interest burden and frees up more money for investments.

Balance EMI and SIPs:
Ensure that your EMI and SIP contributions are balanced. Avoid stretching yourself too thin, as this can lead to financial stress.

Tax Planning and Efficient Investing
Efficient tax planning is crucial to maximize your returns and achieve your financial goals.

Utilize Section 80C:
Ensure that your investments, such as PPF, ELSS, and life insurance premiums, fully utilize the Rs. 1.5 lakh deduction under Section 80C.

Consider Tax-Efficient Funds:
Invest in funds that offer tax efficiency, like ELSS, which provides tax benefits along with potential for growth.

Planning for Retirement
Retirement planning should be a key component of your financial strategy, especially as you approach your 50s.

Set Up a Retirement Fund:
Consider starting a dedicated retirement fund, separate from your other investments. This could include NPS, PPF, or a retirement-specific mutual fund.

Review Your Retirement Corpus:
Assess whether your current savings and investments will be sufficient for your retirement needs. Adjust your savings rate if necessary.

Final Insights
To achieve your Rs. 3 crore goal in 10-15 years, you need a balanced approach. Reevaluate your SIP portfolio, increase your contributions, and consider diversifying into more stable investments. Managing your home loan effectively and optimizing tax benefits will also contribute to your goal. Stay disciplined, review your portfolio regularly, and adjust your strategy as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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