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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
suail Question by suail on May 10, 2024Hindi
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Money

My age 31 and I have invested on 1- quant small cap fund direct growth plan -4000,2- ICICI prudential commodities fund-4000,3- SBI psu direct growth plan -4000, 4- quant infrastructure -2000, 5- Aditya Birla psu-1000,5-NIPPON INDIA SMALL CAP-2000 , TOTAL AMOUNT INVESTED IN SIP -15000 PER MONTH , THIS INVESTMENT ARE GOOD AND HOW MUCH I WILL GET AFTER 10 YEARS

Ans: Investing in mutual funds is a wise choice for building wealth over time. Your portfolio shows diversification across different sectors, which is commendable. However, let's assess it further.

Your investments in small-cap funds and sector-specific funds indicate an appetite for growth. These funds have potential but come with higher risk due to market volatility.

There are some advantages to consider direct funds, and the cost savings can be significant in the long run. However, there are some potential benefits to using a regular MFD:
Advantages of Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):
• Personalized Advice: MFDs can be helpful for beginners or those who lack investment knowledge. They can assess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to recommend suitable mutual funds. This personalized guidance can be valuable, especially if you're new to investing.
• Convenience: MFDs handle all the paperwork and transactions on your behalf, saving you time and effort. They can help with account setup, SIP registrations, and managing your portfolio across different funds.
• Investor Support: MFDs can be a point of contact for any questions or concerns you may have about your investments. They can provide ongoing support and guidance throughout your investment journey.


SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) are a disciplined approach, smoothing out market fluctuations. With a monthly investment of ?15,000, you're on the right track towards your financial goals.

In ten years, your investment can grow significantly, but it's crucial to manage expectations. Market performance is unpredictable. Hence, it's wise to periodically review and adjust your portfolio.

Regular monitoring with a Certified Financial Planner ensures alignment with your objectives. They offer personalized advice, optimizing your investments for better returns while mitigating risks.

Avoiding real estate is a prudent decision considering its illiquidity and high upfront costs. Additionally, annuities may not suit your investment strategy due to their limitations and potential fees.

Remember, patience and consistency are key in investment growth. Keep contributing and stay informed about market trends. Your dedication will likely yield fruitful results in the long run.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 24, 2023Hindi
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My goal is approx Rs 1 Cr. What will be my approx corpse after 10 years. My monthly investment are as under:- 1. Aditya Birla Sun Life Digital India Fund - 1000 2. Axis Bluechip Fund - 1000 3. Axis Mid Cap Fund - 1000 4. Axis Small Cap Fund - 1000 5. ICICI Prudential Infrastructure Fund - 1000 6. ICICI Prudential Infrastructure Fund - 1000 7. ICICI Prudential Smallcap Fund - 1000 8. Kotak Emerging Equity Fund - 2000 9. Mirae Asset Tax Saver Fund - 2000 10. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - 1000 11. Quant Small Cap Fund - 2000 12. SBI Focused Equity Fund -2000 13. SBI Retirement Benefit Fund Aggressive - 6000 14. SBI Small Cap Fund - 2000
Ans: To estimate your approximate corpus after 10 years, we need to consider several factors such as the expected rate of return, the frequency of investment, and the compounding effect. Since you have provided your monthly investments, we can use these to calculate the future value of your investments.

Given the variety of funds in your portfolio and the potential for different rates of return, let's assume an average annual return rate of 10% for the purpose of estimation.

Using this assumed rate of return, the monthly investment amounts, and a time period of 10 years, we can calculate the future value of your investments using a compound interest formula.

However, I would recommend using an SIP calculator available online to get a more accurate estimate based on your specific investments and expected rates of return. These calculators consider factors such as NAV fluctuations and can provide a more tailored projection.

Remember that this is just an estimate, and actual returns may vary based on market performance and other factors. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your investment strategy is crucial to stay on track towards your financial goals.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2024Hindi
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8230 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

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Money
Sir my SIP - SBI contra fund-2000, SBI small cap-1000, SBI small 250 index -1000, Aditya Birla sun Light PSU -2000, Parag Parikh flexi cap-2000, Motilal Oswal mid cap-2000, quant active fund-2000, total SIPs is to Rs.12000 per month , How many returns to get after 10 years investment.
Ans: Let's assess your SIP investments and project the potential returns over a 10-year period, keeping in mind various factors that influence investment outcomes.

Current SIP Portfolio Overview
Allocation Breakdown
SBI Contra Fund: Rs. 2000
SBI Small Cap Fund: Rs. 1000
SBI Small Cap 250 Index Fund: Rs. 1000
Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity Fund: Rs. 2000
Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 2000
Motilal Oswal Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 2000
Quant Active Fund: Rs. 2000
Total Monthly SIP: Rs. 12000
Factors Affecting Returns
Fund Selection
Actively Managed Funds: Offer potential for higher returns but involve higher risk and management fees.
Index Funds: Lower fees but may have limitations in beating market benchmarks.
Market Performance
Equity Market Trends: Historical performance and future market conditions impact investment returns.
Economic Factors: Macroeconomic indicators influence market movements and fund performance.
Projected Returns Analysis
Historical Performance
Review historical performance of selected funds to gauge potential returns.
Consider past performance trends, fund manager expertise, and investment strategy.
Market Outlook
Analyze current market trends, economic indicators, and sectoral performance.
Evaluate growth prospects of sectors represented in your SIP portfolio.
Risk Assessment and Diversification
Risk Management
Diversification: Spread investments across different asset classes and sectors to manage risk.
Risk Appetite: Assess your risk tolerance to ensure investment choices align with your financial goals.
Regular Monitoring
Review SIP performance periodically to track progress and make informed adjustments.
Stay updated with market developments and fund performance reports.
Conclusion and Future Outlook
Based on the current investment allocation and market conditions, projecting precise returns over a 10-year period can be challenging. However, a diversified SIP portfolio across various asset classes and fund types is a prudent approach to long-term wealth creation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4425 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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Career
hii i got 91 perecentile in jee mains with ews female cateogary and my home state is haryana which nit or iiit i got with any branch
Ans: Komal, Gopal, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4425 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Listen
Career
Sir I got 90 persentil in jee mains in obc category in rajsthan state. Can I get any nit and iiit in any branch. So tell me about the correct choice filling which I fill and get a decent college
Ans: Ashish, Gopal, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4425 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Listen
Career
Sir I have 98.68 can get top 5 NIT in mechanical ews quota
Ans: Gopal, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |30 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025
Relationship
I don't get along with my husband and in-laws. I am living with him only for the sake of my 5 year old son. I broke up with my ex to marry this man to keep my parents happy. However, he is not at all an ideal partner for me. He abuses me all the time and takes me for granted. He doesn't allow me to step out, or meet my friends and family. I have to wait for him to go to work, so I can call anyone. His family keeps a close watch on what I do and informs him if I step out to even meet my family or relatives. We fight and argue almost every day. I have told him that I want a divorce but he said No, I have to adjust and accept. I am a graduate but I don't have a job. It is frustrating when he doesn't let me do anything on my own. I blocked my ex when our marriage got fixed but he is always suspicious. Sometimes I feel like hitting him back to stop the torture. I want to go back home but my parents are financially dependent on my brother, so they want me to reconcile and find a way to sort things out with my husband. Recently I learned that my ex is still waiting for me but I can't stay with him legally till I am divorced. How do I explain all this to my son? I am unhappy and confused. What should I do?
Ans: Hello Mam, I understand that you are in a dilemma. The situation is like this. Either ways the situation will have its negative effect on your son. If possible take some time out from your family and spend some quality time with your husband. Clear negative thoughts from your mind regarding your husband and try to accept him. If you will think positive about your family it will reflect in your actions and then things will be sorted out. But one thing to be kept in mind that you should not tolerate physical abuse. Involve your parents in this and try to convince him to behave nicely with you. U can always start something online for your financial independence. Try this out. Take care ????
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm in a relationship since 7 years .we both are Hindus bt our castes differ...i belong to higher caste and he belongs to a lower caste which is definitely going to be a problem because I have a elder brother his marriage was also love marriage and his wife's caste also was bit lower to ours so I have seen lot of issues at home of father not getting convinced at all.... Now after thinking about everything I'm in a state of confusion if whether I was wrong about loving somebody without their knowledge since already elder brothers issues I had seen should I have thought about all this seriously before ? Parents won't be expecting sucha thing from me because I seem kinder and understandable than my brother....last year I did let this out to my mother that i like someone and all the details....bt she started with emotional drama like this wasn't expected from you though you wld have understood the issues from brothers marriage etc etc. she tried to approach me in a different way....like being nice and to withdraw frm this decision and to take a good ....my dad still don't know abt this... actually my mom was about to say bt she thought of giving me time and assumes eventually I'll take better decision for them ...there was so much of drama and hence aftr that wasn't being able to discuss abt his.... because im in a stage of job hunting if I let this out to father i won't be able to sit at home....I'm actually really very confused and now what to do....am i wrong here...my situation and my brothers situation is different know....just because I saw brother wedding issue....how long i wld have sat without being in a relationship... especially in this generation....this was something that happened by itself inspite of me not being oke to say yes to my partner later it became yes..it was all meant to be.... because he isn't my classmate or anything my classmates family friend and is elder to me....so i believe it was to happen....I want to actually arive in a perfect and or place....not being able to take proper decision....since I always consider myself unlucky ok scared to take any decision also....and also now wondering what all shld be the qualities i must look for before taking decision about my life partner....should it be looks ...family or caste.... economic class status etc.....please help... messed up. Current update : I have attended a interview...and results are still on processing stage but I am sure even if it's taking time I will get it because my interview feedback given was excellent just that since it's a MNC they are waiting for a position in a particular department I think hence delay , meanwhile since I'm 26 and me and my partner has a age difference of 6 years situations have become difficult. His parents pressures him for marriage and to see girls . But since he is in love with me he wants to wait ... because the pressure was increasing I had to tell my mother once again after one year and she was shocked again she thought I left this in this gap.... however I had taken this time for a better decision and time alloted for finding job , there began emotional drama again ..then I had to tell her to jst let my father know about this and if he asks me I will explain it. She was also worried because dad hasn't come out of all the traumas he had out of my brother's marriage because girl was from different caste. So my father had to answer a lot of questions from his siblings and society etc . My mother anyway agreed to talk to dad...she told the matter ...again house atmosphere changed entirely. I waited until dad asked me about this...waited for two days then he approached me and called and spoke asked about each and every details and then finally said like see him as a friend and take a better decision and he left just like that. After that I spoke to my mother , she said some concerns like looks mattered , caste was the main so that's why he is not being able to say anything and no parents would in the beginning itself talk positive about this ...will show resistance...that day I felt bit ok later after talking to mom , but later one day his father called my father and spoke they initiated they had a friendly talk and my father said he needs time and can't say anything now to his father. But I was thinking that he dint give a no reply straight away which was very surprising . But , after this situation my father saved this fathers number ...one day what happened was , he saw a status put by his father in which there was his parents with few other group people who weren't so good looking...so mistook it as their relatives and told mother to speak to me because this he can't even digest me to send to such a family since as a girls parent he has certain expectations also because his main issue is caste problem hevis finding one problem behind the other . My boyfriend belongs to a Tamil caste and mine is malayali native hence my boyfriend has a dark complexion maybe his parents and family too...but should all these matter to take a terrible final decision regarding our marriage? Even tho their complexion was dark Can't they have a good heart and shouldn't character be given priority than looks ? Just because parents want to show the society...how can i toss my life and find another person as they are saying? Do all that matter ?? I want to know your thoughts ... Also , how to convince a father who sticks on his own beliefs or who doesn't want to listen to their children because he thinks we haven't grown enough to teach him please suggest a way to make a person to listen ? My mother seems ok to this even she doesn't like so much ... bt only if father is ok and doesn't pass on this pressure to others... If any doubt can ask me I will clarify
Ans: First, you are not wrong for falling in love. Love doesn’t ask for caste, status, or complexion—it simply grows where there’s connection, care, and shared values. The world around us, especially family and society, can be heavily opinionated, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. You've been trying to balance respect for your parents with loyalty to your partner, and that's not easy at all.

Your dad's resistance is clearly rooted in fear—fear of what society will say, fear of repeating a past that felt traumatic for him during your brother's marriage. His concern isn't necessarily about your partner’s character, but about how it looks to others. Unfortunately, a lot of our parents were raised to give more weight to "what people will say" than to personal happiness. It’s not your fault he carries that burden. You’re just trying to live a life that’s true to your heart.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who really cares about you and is ready to wait for you through all this. That's rare, and it matters. If his family was kind enough to approach yours respectfully, it shows they are willing to build a bridge. You’re not trying to force anything—you’re asking for space to make a decision with both head and heart involved.

As for appearance and caste: no, these should not be what define a life partner. A dark complexion or a different community cannot and should not outweigh honesty, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared values. Looks fade. Status changes. But someone’s nature stays. And in a marriage, when times are tough, it’s not the family’s last name or the shade of their skin that matters—it’s whether they stand by you or not.

You mentioned something powerful: that you believe this was “meant to happen.” And I agree—sometimes people enter our lives with a timing and connection that doesn’t make logical sense but feels profoundly right. That’s not something to toss aside easily.

Now, about convincing your father—it’s hard to change someone who is set in their ways, but here’s what you can try:

Let your mother be the mediator since she’s more open. Ask her to have slow, non-threatening conversations with him—not to pressure him, but just to help him understand that you are not making a hasty or rebellious choice. You’re thinking practically and from the heart. It’s not about rejecting their values but about choosing someone you can build a peaceful, respectful life with.

You could also write a heartfelt letter to your dad—sometimes, parents understand better when there’s no direct confrontation. Share your side, your fears, your respect for him, and your reasons for choosing this person. Let him know you still want to be his daughter, that you haven’t forgotten your family’s worth—you’re just hoping your happiness can also be valued.

Most importantly—give yourself credit for how well you’ve handled this. You’ve shown maturity, patience, and self-awareness. Even when it hurts, you’re not reacting with drama or impulse—you’re processing, reflecting, and trying to do the right thing.


And please don’t let anyone make you feel like your love is a mistake. You’ve loved with honesty and stood strong—no matter what comes next, that’s something to be proud of. I’m here to walk with you through this, one step at a time.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My mother doesn't want to stay with me but she gladly stays with my brother and his wife I live all alone in a house and I feel left out as well as ostracised as well as excluded I feel like I am unwanted person and if I ever meet anyone like my relatives in any social setting I feel they are tolerating me I feel like an untouchable how do I cope up with this situation as there is no one for me no one I can rely on or nobody who has my back noone who I can share my problems with or call in case I feel sick or in case of an emergency.
Ans: Feeling excluded by family and sensing that others are merely "tolerating" you is a heavy emotional burden to carry. It can quietly erode your sense of self-worth, leaving you questioning your value, your place in the world, and your importance to the people who were meant to be your first support system. You're not being overly sensitive or dramatic—this kind of emotional isolation is deeply painful, and it makes perfect sense that you’re feeling untouchable and unsafe.

But here’s a gentle truth: you are not unwanted. You are not unworthy of love or care. The way others treat you does not define your worth. Sometimes, unfortunately, people—even family—fail to show up for us in the ways we need. That doesn’t mean you are broken or undeserving. It just means their limitations are getting in the way of what should have been a loving, supportive connection.

You’re already doing something powerful by voicing your truth here. That’s not a small step—it’s an act of bravery. And while I know I’m not physically there beside you, I want you to feel this as a moment of connection: someone does hear you, someone does see what you’re carrying, and it matters.

To cope with this, start with your emotional safety. Let yourself grieve—not just for the loneliness, but for the longing of what you deserve but haven’t received. Cry if you need to, write if it helps, let those feelings have their space rather than trying to bury them. This kind of pain doesn’t go away by pretending it’s not there.

And slowly, one step at a time, begin building your circle—not necessarily with blood ties, but with people who choose you. Is there someone in your past who was kind to you? A coworker, a neighbor, someone from college or a class you took? Even a single shared conversation can be a seed. It’s not about quantity, it’s about presence. The goal isn't to replace what’s missing—but to slowly start nurturing connections that are rooted in respect and care.

In moments of emergency or fear, consider having a plan. Even having the number of a nearby clinic, a trusted neighbor, or a local community support group can give you a thread of reassurance. And if you ever feel overwhelmed or unsafe with your thoughts, reaching out to a mental health helpline or counselor can make a real difference. You deserve help when you're hurting.

And here, whenever you need someone to talk to, I will always be here to listen—no judgment, no conditions. You matter. Your story matters. And even though the world may have made you feel like an outsider, I want you to believe this: there is a space where you belong.

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