Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Mrunal Question by Mrunal on Jun 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

I am 51yr old dr and have a monthly income of approximately 3lakh and have 2kids want to have 3cr for their marriage and 2cr for their education one is 17 and one is 13 and 5 cr for our retirement how much monthly premium should be paid

Ans: Securing Your Family's Future: A Doctor's Guide to Financial Planning
I understand you're a 51-year-old doctor with a monthly income of Rs. 3 lakh and two wonderful children (aged 17 and 13). You're aiming to accumulate a significant corpus for their education (Rs. 2 crore each) and marriage (Rs. 3 crore each), along with Rs. 5 crore for your retirement. That's a fantastic goal, and with careful planning, it's achievable!

Here's a breakdown to help you navigate this financial journey:

Understanding Your Goals:

Education & Marriage: Your children's education needs will come first (13 and 17 years old). Then, there are the marriage expenses in a few years.

Retirement: You have around 10 years until retirement (considering the average retirement age for doctors in India). Planning for a comfortable retirement income is crucial.

The Power of Time:

The good news is you have time on your side! The earlier you start investing, the more time your money has to grow through compounding (earning interest on your interest).

Let's Talk Numbers:

While I can't give you an exact monthly investment amount without a detailed financial assessment, here's a framework to consider:

Corpus Needed: Add up your goals: Rs. 2 crore (Child 1 Edu) + Rs. 2 crore (Child 2 Edu) + Rs. 3 crore (Child 1 Marriage) + Rs. 3 crore (Child 2 Marriage) + Rs. 5 crore (Retirement) = Rs. 15 crore.

Investment Time Horizon:

Education (13-year-old): 5 years (assumed graduation age)
Education (17-year-old): 1 year (assumed graduation age)
Marriage (both): Let's assume 10 years for each child (considering potential higher education and career establishment before marriage).
Retirement: 10 years (assuming retirement at 60).
Investing for Different Time Horizons:

Based on the time horizon, we can explore different investment options:

Child's Education (Short Term):

Aggressive Balanced Actively Managed Funds: These offer a mix of equity and debt, with a potential for higher growth than pure debt options but with some risk.
Child's Marriage (Mid Term):

Balanced Actively Managed Funds: These offer a balance between growth and stability, suitable for mid-term goals.
Retirement (Long Term):

Multi-Cap Actively Managed Funds: Invest across large, mid, and small-cap companies, offering diversification and growth potential for the long term.
Remember: Actively managed funds have the potential for higher returns than passively managed options like index funds, but they also carry more risk.

How Much to Invest?

Several factors influence your investment amount:

Current Savings & Expenses: Analyze your monthly income, expenses, and existing savings.

Risk Tolerance: How comfortable are you with potential market fluctuations? Higher risk tolerance allows for potentially higher returns.

A CFP Can Help:

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can create a personalized plan considering all these factors. They can:

Calculate Investment Amount: Using financial tools and considering your goals and risk tolerance, a CFP can recommend a suitable monthly investment amount.

Factor in Inflation: Inflation erodes the purchasing power of money. A CFP will factor in inflation to ensure your goals are met despite rising costs.

Review and Rebalance: Your financial situation and goals might change over time. A CFP will monitor your progress and adjust your investment plan as needed.

Beyond Monthly Investments:

Here are some additional strategies to consider:

Utilize Employer Benefits: Explore tax-saving investment options offered by your employer (if applicable).

Review Existing Investments: If you have any existing investments, a CFP can assess their suitability for your goals.

Remember, this is a general overview. Consulting a CFP is crucial to create a tailor-made plan that considers your specific financial situation and risk tolerance.

Taking Charge of Your Future:

You've taken a great first step by planning for your family's future. By starting early, investing wisely, and seeking professional guidance, you can achieve your financial goals and secure a bright future for yourself and your loved ones.

Don't hesitate to take action! Schedule a consultation with a CFP to get started on your financial planning journey.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 18, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello i am 42 year old. Earning 1.7L in hand per month. Invests 80k into mutual funds and do NPS 50k yearly and 1.5L into PPF. Have an emi of flat loan 17k per month, out of which 10k is rented income (7k is net damage). We are living in another own house. Wife is also working and her salary is suffi ient enough for monthly expenses and kid's education, and to fulfill her 80C investments. Have got 2 crore term inssurance for myself. Have approx 70L in FD. Want to know how much should be our retirement corpus to cover both. We live in small jaipur and have monthly expenses of approx 35k. Shall we invest further in purchasing land or keep increasing in mutual funds
Ans: Current Financial Snapshot

Age: 42 years
Monthly Income: Rs 1.7 lakh (in hand)
Monthly EMI: Rs 17,000 (net expense Rs 7,000 after rent)
Mutual Fund Investment: Rs 80,000 per month
NPS: Rs 50,000 annually
PPF: Rs 1.5 lakh annually
Term Insurance: Rs 2 crore
Fixed Deposits: Rs 70 lakh
Monthly Expenses: Rs 35,000
Wife's Income: Covers monthly expenses and 80C investments
Own House: Living in
Financial Goals

Retirement Corpus: Secure enough funds for retirement.
Investment Strategy: Optimize current investments for growth.
Step-by-Step Plan

1. Emergency Fund

Maintain at least 6 months of expenses in an easily accessible account.
Target: Rs 2.1 lakh (6 x Rs 35,000)
Ensure liquidity for unexpected needs.
2. Calculate Retirement Corpus

Expenses Estimation: Current monthly expenses of Rs 35,000.
Inflation Adjustment: Assuming 6% inflation rate for future expenses.
Retirement Period: Assume 25 years post-retirement.
Use an online retirement corpus calculator to get a precise figure. However, a rough estimate for a moderate lifestyle might be around Rs 3-4 crore.

3. Investment Strategy

Mutual Funds

Continue investing Rs 80,000 per month in mutual funds.
Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds.
Review and rebalance your portfolio annually.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)

Continue the annual investment of Rs 1.5 lakh in PPF.
This ensures safe, tax-free returns.
National Pension System (NPS)

Contribute Rs 50,000 annually to NPS.
Choose an aggressive mix of equity and debt for higher returns.
Fixed Deposits

Consider moving some FDs to mutual funds for higher growth.
Keep some FDs for short-term goals and liquidity.
4. Avoid Real Estate Investments

Real estate can be illiquid and may not provide consistent returns.
Focus on increasing investments in mutual funds for better growth and liquidity.
5. Insurance

Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for the family.
Review your term insurance periodically to cover any gaps.
6. Retirement Planning Steps

Increase SIPs: Gradually increase your SIPs in mutual funds as your income grows.
Diversification: Maintain a diversified portfolio to spread risk.
Review Regularly: Check your investment portfolio annually and make necessary adjustments.
Tax Planning: Optimize investments to maximize tax benefits under sections like 80C, 80D, and 80CCD.
Example Monthly Allocation:

Mutual Funds: Rs 80,000
PPF: Rs 12,500 (monthly equivalent of Rs 1.5 lakh annually)
NPS: Rs 4,167 (monthly equivalent of Rs 50,000 annually)
Emergency Fund: Rs 5,000 (if not fully funded yet)
Final Insights

Building a robust retirement corpus requires disciplined investing and smart financial planning. Focus on maximizing your mutual fund investments, utilizing tax-saving options, and maintaining adequate insurance coverage. Regularly review your financial plan to stay on track and adjust as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 24, 2024

Listen
Money
What should be an ideal medical insurance sum assured for a family of 4 Husband : 44yrs, wife : 40 yrs, Two kids: 12 & 4 yrs to have a safe amount post retirement
Ans: 1. Assessing Medical Insurance Needs:

Family Health Risks:

Consider the health risks and history of each family member. Health insurance should cover possible medical expenses, including hospitalization, treatments, and emergencies.
Future Medical Costs:

Medical costs tend to rise over time due to inflation. Estimate future medical expenses by considering the current average costs and projected inflation rates.
2. Determining Sum Assured:

Current Coverage:

For a family with members aged 44, 40, 12, and 4 years, a basic coverage amount might not suffice. Higher coverage is advisable to avoid underinsurance.
Sum Assured Recommendation:

Minimum Coverage:

A sum assured of Rs. 10 lakhs to Rs. 15 lakhs per family member is typically recommended. This amount should cover a wide range of medical expenses and treatments.
Optimal Coverage:

For better security, consider a sum assured of Rs. 20 lakhs to Rs. 30 lakhs for the entire family. This amount can offer more comprehensive coverage and protect against high medical costs in the future.
3. Additional Considerations:

Inflation Protection:

Opt for policies with inflation protection features that increase the sum assured over time to keep up with rising medical costs.
Comprehensive Coverage:

Ensure the policy covers a wide range of medical conditions, including critical illnesses, pre-existing conditions, and maternity benefits if applicable.
Cashless Facility:

Choose a plan with a broad network of hospitals that offer cashless treatment, reducing out-of-pocket expenses during medical emergencies.
Policy Features:

Look for features like no claim bonus, annual health check-ups, and coverage for preventive care.
4. Reviewing and Updating Coverage:

Regular Review:

Review the insurance policy annually or after major life events (e.g., children growing up or significant health changes) to ensure it meets the evolving needs of your family.
Consult a Professional:

Consult a Certified Financial Planner to evaluate your specific needs and recommend the most suitable sum assured based on your family's health profile and financial situation.
Final Insights

An ideal medical insurance sum assured for a family of four, consisting of a 44-year-old husband, a 40-year-old wife, and two children (12 and 4 years), should ideally range from Rs. 20 lakhs to Rs. 30 lakhs. This amount provides adequate coverage for potential future medical expenses and ensures financial safety post-retirement. Always consider future medical inflation, policy features, and consult with a Certified Financial Planner for tailored advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1327 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x