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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 09, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sara Question by Sara on Apr 08, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 my monthly net salary is 1.19 lakh.govt servant with pension.home loan of 32.lakh.i need to retire in 3 yrs.how much corpus I need to get an income of 1 lakh without considering my pension.i have a daughter coll going.no medical or term insurance.no savings

Ans: To generate a monthly income of 1 lakh after retirement, calculate your annual expenses and multiply by 25 to estimate the corpus needed for retirement. Subtract your expected pension and factor in inflation. Since you have three years until retirement, focus on aggressive savings and investments to build your retirement corpus swiftly. Prioritize clearing your home loan to reduce financial burden. Consider purchasing adequate term and medical insurance coverage to safeguard against unforeseen expenses. Start saving diligently to accumulate the required corpus within the given timeframe, ensuring financial security for retirement and your daughter's education.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 31, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, I have net salary of 2.5L per month and am 48 year old with 2 children aged 16 and 14. I have a EPF corpus of 60 lakhs , NPS 20 lakhs, 10L in stocks,MF portfolio of 15L,invest 50k monthly in MF SIPs. I own a house(loan free), have other outstanding loans of 8 lakhs. I have family floater medical insurance with 30L coverage and life cover for 1.5Cr. I wish to retire by age of 50 - pls advise how much corpus do I need at hand to retire.consider my monthly expense as 60-70k
Ans: Current Financial Situation

Your current financial position is strong. You have a good salary and a solid investment portfolio. Owning a loan-free house adds security. Your EPF, NPS, and SIP investments are well-planned. The life and health insurance coverage is also comprehensive. However, retiring at 50 requires careful planning, especially considering your children’s future needs.

Assessing Your Retirement Needs

To determine your required retirement corpus, several factors must be considered:

Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement: Currently, your expenses are Rs. 60k-70k monthly. This will likely increase with inflation. At an estimated 6% inflation rate, your monthly expenses might double in 12 years.

Retirement Age: You plan to retire in two years at 50. This is an early retirement, so your corpus needs to last longer, possibly 35-40 years.

Children’s Education: Your children are 16 and 14. Higher education costs can be significant in the next few years. Allocating funds for their education is crucial.

Lifestyle Post-Retirement: Consider how your lifestyle might change. Will you travel more? Will healthcare needs increase? These factors affect your corpus requirement.

Estimating the Retirement Corpus

Based on your current expenses and future needs, your retirement corpus should be substantial. Here’s a simplified approach to calculating it:

Inflation-Adjusted Expenses: Your current expenses of Rs. 60k-70k monthly could rise to around Rs. 1.2 lakh monthly by the time you retire. Over a 35-40 year retirement period, this requires a significant corpus.

Healthcare Costs: As you age, healthcare costs will likely increase. While your insurance covers a significant amount, out-of-pocket expenses can still be high.

Children’s Future: Your children’s higher education and potential marriage costs must be factored in. This could be an additional Rs. 50-60 lakhs or more.

Lifestyle and Emergencies: Maintaining your current lifestyle and being prepared for emergencies is essential. This could add another Rs. 50 lakhs to your corpus requirement.

Considering these factors, a retirement corpus of approximately Rs. 10-12 crores might be necessary. This should be enough to cover your monthly expenses, healthcare, and any unforeseen costs. This estimate ensures a comfortable and secure retirement, even if you live longer than expected.

Optimizing Your Investments

To reach this corpus in two years, maximizing your investments is critical:

Increase SIP Contributions: Currently, you invest Rs. 50k monthly in SIPs. Increasing this amount, if possible, will help grow your corpus faster.

Focus on Growth-Oriented Funds: With a two-year horizon, investing in funds with higher growth potential can be beneficial. While these are riskier, they offer better returns.

Review Your Portfolio: Regularly review your mutual fund portfolio. Ensure it’s aligned with your retirement goals and risk tolerance.

Debt Reduction: Paying off the remaining Rs. 8 lakh loan should be a priority. Reducing debt will lower your financial burden in retirement.

NPS and EPF Utilization: Your EPF and NPS together amount to Rs. 80 lakhs. These are crucial components of your retirement corpus. However, they may not be enough alone, so continue to build on them.

Healthcare and Insurance Planning

Adequate Coverage: Your current health coverage of Rs. 30 lakhs is good. But, it might not be enough in later years due to rising medical costs. Consider enhancing your coverage or adding a super top-up plan.

Life Insurance: Your Rs. 1.5 crore life cover is substantial. Ensure it’s sufficient to cover your family’s needs if something happens to you before or after retirement.

Retirement Lifestyle and Goals

Post-Retirement Activities: Think about how you want to spend your retirement. If you plan to pursue hobbies or travel, these will need additional funds.

Part-Time Work: If full retirement seems challenging, consider part-time work or consulting. This can supplement your income and keep you engaged.

Final Insights

Retiring at 50 is ambitious, but achievable with careful planning. You should aim for a retirement corpus of Rs. 10-12 crores to cover all your future needs. Maximizing your investments, reducing debt, and planning for healthcare are key steps. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner will help ensure your financial plan stays on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 35 years old government employee earning 70k in hand after all deduction including tax and my room rent. I have two kids, 4 years old son and 2.5 years old daughter. I want to plan for retirement at the age of 50 years. Suppose i don't have any investment and any liabilities right now, monthly expenses is 50k. I also want to construct a house worth 80-90 lacs currently at my own land at the age of 50 years. Considering such scenario,how much corpus will i need to have at the time of retirement i.e. at 50 years old.
Ans: You are a 35-year-old government employee, earning Rs. 70,000 per month after all deductions. With a 4-year-old son and a 2.5-year-old daughter, your monthly expenses amount to Rs. 50,000. You plan to retire at 50 years of age and wish to construct a house worth Rs. 80-90 lakhs at that time.

Your scenario presents a clear goal: to ensure a comfortable retirement and the construction of your dream home. Let’s explore how you can achieve these objectives.

Estimating Retirement Corpus
Inflation Consideration

Effect on Expenses: Over the next 15 years, inflation will significantly impact your monthly expenses. Assuming an average inflation rate of 6%, your current monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 will likely increase substantially by the time you retire.

Future Monthly Expenses: By the time you retire at 50, your monthly expenses could be around Rs. 1.20-1.30 lakhs, considering inflation. This is a critical factor in determining your required retirement corpus.

Life Expectancy

Post-Retirement Years: If you retire at 50, you may need to plan for at least 30-35 years post-retirement, considering the average life expectancy.

Longevity Risk: It's essential to ensure that your corpus lasts throughout your retirement. This will protect against the risk of outliving your savings.

Corpus Calculation

Retirement Corpus: To maintain a lifestyle with Rs. 1.20-1.30 lakhs per month, you may need a corpus of around Rs. 5-7 crores by the time you retire. This amount should cover your living expenses, medical costs, and other needs throughout your retirement.

Income Generation: Your corpus should generate enough income to cover your monthly expenses without dipping into the principal amount for as long as possible.

Planning for House Construction
Future Cost Estimation

Construction Costs: The house you plan to build currently costs Rs. 80-90 lakhs. However, construction costs will rise over the next 15 years due to inflation.

Adjusted Cost: By the time you are 50, the cost could rise to around Rs. 1.5-2 crores. It's essential to plan for this increase to ensure you have sufficient funds.

Separate Savings for House

Dedicated Fund: Set aside a separate investment for your house construction. This can be a mix of equity and debt investments to match the timeline of 15 years.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Consider starting an SIP specifically for your house fund. This will allow you to accumulate the required amount systematically over time.

Investment Strategy to Achieve Goals
Asset Allocation

Balanced Portfolio: Your investment strategy should balance between equity and debt. Equity investments will help in wealth creation, while debt investments will provide stability.

Equity Exposure: Given your age and long investment horizon, a higher allocation towards equity is advisable. Equity can offer the growth needed to achieve your retirement corpus.

Debt Instruments: Include debt instruments for stability and capital preservation. This ensures that you can handle market volatility without significant stress.

Avoiding Index Funds

Active Management Benefits: Index funds, while cost-effective, might not offer the returns needed to meet your retirement goals. Actively managed funds, under the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner, can help you navigate market fluctuations better and potentially outperform index funds.
Regular vs. Direct Funds

Professional Guidance: Investing through regular funds with the help of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide you with valuable insights and personalized advice. Direct funds may save on costs, but the expertise of a CFP can help in achieving your financial goals more efficiently.
Building a Contingency Fund

Emergency Fund: Before you begin investing, ensure you have an emergency fund in place. This fund should cover at least 6-12 months of your expenses and should be kept in liquid assets like a savings account or a short-term fixed deposit.
Planning for Children’s Education
Education Fund

Rising Costs: The cost of education is rising faster than general inflation. You’ll need to plan for your children’s education expenses, especially for higher education.

Separate Investment: Set up a dedicated investment for your children’s education. This could be through a mix of child-specific mutual funds and debt instruments to match the timeline when funds will be required.

Insurance for Protection

Life Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage to protect your family in case of an unforeseen event. Term insurance is recommended as it provides a large cover at a low cost.

Health Insurance: Maintain a robust health insurance plan for your family. Medical costs are unpredictable and can significantly impact your financial plan if not adequately insured.

Generating Post-Retirement Income
Withdrawal Strategy

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Consider setting up an SWP from your mutual fund investments post-retirement. This will allow you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, ensuring a steady income stream.

Balanced Income: The SWP can be structured to provide the Rs. 1.20-1.30 lakhs per month needed to cover your post-retirement expenses.

Fixed Income Instruments

Stable Returns: Include fixed income instruments like debt funds, fixed deposits, and bonds in your post-retirement portfolio. These can provide stability and predictable returns, reducing the risk of capital erosion.
Final Insights
Ajay, your goals are achievable with a well-structured financial plan. The key is to start early, remain disciplined, and review your plan regularly with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. Focus on building a diversified portfolio that balances growth and stability. Ensure that you are adequately insured and have a contingency fund in place.

Planning for your retirement and house construction simultaneously requires careful consideration of inflation, future costs, and your risk tolerance. With a clear plan and the right guidance, you can enjoy a comfortable retirement and fulfill your dream of building a house.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 09, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir, I have net salary of 2.7L per month and am 46 year old with 2 children aged 12 and 6. I have a EPF+PPF corpus of 65 lakhs , NPS 5 lakhs, 1CR in MF portfolio, invest 50k monthly (Which is on Hold currently) in MF SIPs. I own a house 65L(loan free) & another house 2CR have outstanding loans of 1CR. I have family floater medical insurance with 20L coverage and life cover for 1Cr. I wish to retire by age of 55 - pls advise how much corpus do I need at hand to retire. Consider my monthly expense as 1L
Ans: You are 46 years old with a net salary of Rs. 2.7 lakh per month. You have two children, aged 12 and 6, and a current corpus of Rs. 65 lakh in EPF and PPF, Rs. 5 lakh in NPS, and Rs. 1 crore in your mutual fund portfolio. Additionally, you own two properties, one valued at Rs. 65 lakh (loan-free) and another valued at Rs. 2 crore, with an outstanding loan of Rs. 1 crore. Your current monthly expenses are Rs. 1 lakh, and you have paused your monthly SIP of Rs. 50,000. You also hold a life insurance cover worth Rs. 1 crore and a family floater medical insurance with Rs. 20 lakh coverage.

You plan to retire by the age of 55, which gives you approximately nine years to build a sufficient corpus. Let's explore how much you need to comfortably retire while sustaining your current lifestyle.

Estimating Your Retirement Corpus
To determine your retirement corpus, we need to consider several factors:

Current monthly expenses: Rs. 1 lakh
Retirement age: 55
Post-retirement years: Assuming life expectancy of 85 years, you need to plan for 30 years post-retirement.
Inflation rate: An assumed inflation rate of 6% per year is a reasonable estimate for the future.
Growth rate of investments: Typically, diversified equity mutual funds have delivered around 10-12% returns over the long term.
Based on these factors, your current monthly expenses will increase due to inflation, and you need a corpus that generates enough to cover these rising costs. Since your expenses are Rs. 1 lakh today, they could double or triple over time. Your corpus should be able to sustain this without depleting prematurely.

Breakup of Current Assets
EPF & PPF (Rs. 65 lakh): These are stable, low-risk assets that will help you post-retirement but won't generate high returns.

NPS (Rs. 5 lakh): Provides tax benefits and is specifically designed for retirement savings. It will grow over time but is not highly flexible for withdrawals until retirement age.

Mutual Funds (Rs. 1 crore): This is an excellent foundation for your retirement plan. Equity mutual funds, in particular, have the potential to grow at a faster rate and combat inflation.

Real Estate (Rs. 65 lakh + Rs. 2 crore): While real estate holds value, its liquidity is limited. The house you live in does not contribute to your retirement corpus unless you plan to downsize. The second house has a loan of Rs. 1 crore, and the EMIs for this property must be factored into your pre-retirement cash flows.

Life Insurance (Rs. 1 crore): While it’s important for your family’s protection, this doesn’t contribute to your retirement corpus.

Estimating Your Future Monthly Expenses
Your current monthly expense is Rs. 1 lakh, but due to inflation, this figure will increase. Let’s assume the inflation rate remains at 6%. By the time you retire at 55, your monthly expenses will likely double or triple, reaching anywhere between Rs. 1.7 lakh to Rs. 2 lakh per month. Your retirement corpus should be large enough to generate this amount without running out of funds.

In addition, you’ll have to account for:

Healthcare costs: As you age, medical expenses tend to rise. Even though you have Rs. 20 lakh family floater insurance, post-retirement medical costs not covered by insurance should be factored in.

Educational expenses: Your children’s education could be a significant expense over the next 10 to 15 years.

Corpus Required for Comfortable Retirement
To maintain your current lifestyle, you would need a corpus that generates at least Rs. 2 lakh per month during retirement. Based on a withdrawal rate of 4%, which is commonly used to ensure the corpus lasts for the entirety of your retirement, you’ll need a retirement corpus of approximately Rs. 6 to 7 crore.

This corpus will ensure that you can comfortably cover your rising living expenses, healthcare, and other unforeseen costs without depleting your savings.

Recommendations to Achieve the Corpus
Here’s a detailed plan to help you achieve your target of Rs. 6 to 7 crore before retirement:

1. Resume Your SIP Investments
Restart your monthly SIP of Rs. 50,000 immediately. This is crucial, as equity mutual funds can provide the high returns needed to meet your retirement goal.

Consider increasing your SIP contribution each year in line with salary increments. This will accelerate your corpus growth and help you fight inflation more effectively.

2. Focus on Equity Mutual Funds
Given your long-term horizon (9 years until retirement), equity mutual funds remain the best investment option to grow your wealth. These funds have historically provided higher returns (10-12% CAGR), which will be essential for building your retirement corpus.

Ensure your portfolio is diversified across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap mutual funds for balanced growth and risk.

3. Debt Repayment Strategy
You currently have an outstanding home loan of Rs. 1 crore. It’s advisable to clear this debt as early as possible. Carrying such a large debt into retirement can strain your finances.

Use a portion of your liquid assets, such as your mutual fund corpus or any bonuses, to reduce the loan burden gradually. This will free up cash flow and allow you to focus more on building your retirement fund.

4. Maximize Your EPF & PPF Contributions
Continue contributing to your EPF and PPF accounts. While the returns from these are modest, they are low-risk and provide tax-free returns, making them ideal for post-retirement stability.

As PPF matures, consider reinvesting the proceeds into equity mutual funds to capitalize on higher returns.

5. Increase Contributions to NPS
Your NPS balance is currently Rs. 5 lakh. Increase your contributions to this as it provides excellent tax benefits and is tailored for retirement.

NPS is also one of the few products where withdrawals are partially tax-free. Increasing contributions now will give you a more substantial corpus in the future.

6. Prioritize Children’s Education
Plan separately for your children’s education expenses. You might want to use specific child education funds or a combination of mutual funds for this.

Avoid dipping into your retirement savings for education purposes. Set clear boundaries between these two financial goals.

Final Insights
At 46, you are well-positioned financially, but pausing your SIP investments and holding onto a large loan could hinder your retirement plans. Restart your investments and focus on paying off your loan as soon as possible. By maintaining discipline and increasing your contributions to SIPs, NPS, and PPF, you should comfortably achieve your retirement corpus of Rs. 6 to 7 crore. Prioritize growth-oriented investments like equity mutual funds, and continue evaluating your portfolio annually to ensure it aligns with your retirement goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 44 years old with 2 kids in class 11 and 10. I have 2 Flats without any loan. I have total 22 lacs ( in Stocks), 34 lacs in nutual funds, 40 lacs in FDs and 37 lacs in PF. If I have to retire tomorrow, how much Corpus will I need.
Ans: Retiring at 44 is an ambitious goal, but with careful planning, it’s achievable. Your current assets and financial goals must align to sustain your post-retirement life. Here's a detailed assessment and strategy.

1. Estimating Retirement Corpus Needs

Retirement requires a large corpus to ensure financial independence.

The corpus must cover daily expenses, medical costs, and lifestyle needs.
It should also provide for children’s education and marriages if not already funded.
Assume inflation-adjusted withdrawals for 40+ years, as life expectancy could extend to 85.
A Certified Financial Planner can help calculate the exact amount based on your lifestyle and expenses.

2. Evaluating Your Current Financial Assets

Your assets are impressive and form a strong financial base.

Stocks (Rs. 22 Lacs): This portfolio may provide high growth but carries risks.
Mutual Funds (Rs. 34 Lacs): A well-diversified portfolio of actively managed funds ensures moderate to high returns.
Fixed Deposits (Rs. 40 Lacs): These offer stability but are less effective against inflation.
Provident Fund (Rs. 37 Lacs): This corpus is a reliable, long-term asset.
Together, these assets provide a solid starting point for retirement planning.

3. Estimating Monthly Expenses After Retirement

Your monthly expenses will determine the required corpus.

Identify essential expenses like groceries, utilities, and healthcare.
Consider discretionary expenses like travel and hobbies for a comfortable lifestyle.
Factor in children's education and marriage expenses as immediate needs.
Ensure you account for inflation, which erodes purchasing power over time.

4. Planning for Children’s Education and Marriage

Your children’s education and marriage are significant financial commitments.

Class 11 and 10 suggest education expenses will occur soon.
Factor in tuition fees, living expenses, and any higher education abroad.
Marriage costs will depend on your family’s traditions and preferences.
Allocate separate funds for these goals to avoid disrupting your retirement corpus.

5. Structuring Your Retirement Portfolio

A retirement portfolio should balance growth, stability, and liquidity.

Equity Investments: Retain part of your stocks and mutual funds for long-term growth.
Debt Instruments: Use fixed deposits and provident funds for stable returns.
Balanced Approach: Diversify across asset classes to minimise risks.
Keep a portion in liquid assets for emergencies and short-term needs.

6. Avoiding Over-Reliance on Fixed Deposits

Fixed deposits provide safety but may not outpace inflation.

Their post-tax returns are often lower than inflation rates.
Redeem some FDs and reinvest in diversified mutual funds for higher growth.
Focus on actively managed funds that adapt to market conditions better.
This will enhance your portfolio’s ability to sustain long-term withdrawals.

7. Accounting for Healthcare and Emergency Needs

Healthcare costs can rise sharply as you age.

Maintain a comprehensive health insurance policy for yourself and your family.
Ensure your insurance covers critical illnesses and hospitalisation.
Set aside a medical contingency fund in a liquid mutual fund or savings account.
This ensures you don’t dip into your retirement corpus for emergencies.

8. Managing Tax Liabilities on Investments

Understanding tax implications can maximise your post-retirement income.

Equity Investments: LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt Instruments: Both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income slab.
Fixed Deposits: Interest income is fully taxable under your income slab.
A CFP can optimise your withdrawals to minimise tax outflows.

9. Creating an Income Stream for Retirement

A sustainable income stream is essential for meeting monthly expenses.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from mutual funds provide regular income.
Withdraw dividends or interest from debt instruments systematically.
Avoid withdrawing too much too soon to ensure the corpus lasts longer.
Plan withdrawals in a tax-efficient manner with professional advice.

10. Protecting and Growing Your Retirement Corpus

To sustain a 40-year retirement, your corpus must grow over time.

Invest in equity-oriented funds for inflation-beating returns.
Reallocate funds periodically to maintain an optimal equity-debt balance.
Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner.
This disciplined approach ensures steady growth and reduced risks.

11. Avoid Common Mistakes in Retirement Planning

Mistakes can significantly impact the sustainability of your corpus.

Over-Conservatism: Avoid keeping too much in low-return instruments like FDs.
Ignoring Inflation: Failing to account for inflation reduces purchasing power.
Emotional Decisions: Avoid panic-selling during market volatility.
Stick to your financial plan and seek professional guidance.

12. Final Insights

Retiring at 44 is achievable with disciplined planning and professional advice. Ensure you maintain a balance between growth and safety. Regular reviews and adjustments will help sustain your corpus for decades.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
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Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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