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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir , am 49 years old single parent. Kids aged 20 and 15. I have 75 Lakhs in mutual funds, 11 Lakhs in PPF, 10 Lakhs in FD, 30 Lakhs FD in kids name , 15 Lakhs in Senior citizen scheme on my mom's name, 6 Lakhs in LIC . How should I plan my retirement.

Ans: First of all, kudos to you for building a solid financial foundation despite being a single parent. It’s clear that you’ve put in a lot of effort to ensure your family’s financial security. Now, let's focus on planning your retirement effectively.

Current Financial Situation
Let’s summarize your current investments:

Mutual Funds: Rs 75 Lakhs
PPF: Rs 11 Lakhs
FD: Rs 10 Lakhs
FD in Kids’ Name: Rs 30 Lakhs
Senior Citizen Scheme (Mother’s Name): Rs 15 Lakhs
LIC: Rs 6 Lakhs
Setting Clear Retirement Goals
You are 49 years old, so you have roughly 11 years until the typical retirement age of 60. However, it’s important to consider your personal retirement timeline and desired lifestyle.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to managing risk and optimizing returns. You’ve already diversified your investments across different asset classes, which is excellent.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is a powerful tool in wealth creation. The earlier you start and the longer you stay invested, the more your investments will grow.

Managing Existing Investments
Let’s analyze each of your current investments and their roles in your retirement plan.

Mutual Funds
You have Rs 75 Lakhs in mutual funds, which is a substantial amount. Mutual funds are excellent for long-term growth due to their exposure to equities.

Equity Funds: Ideal for long-term growth but come with higher risk.
Debt Funds: Provide stability and lower risk but offer lower returns.
Hybrid Funds: Balance between equity and debt, offering moderate risk and returns.
Recommendation
Continue investing in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds to balance risk and return.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your Rs 11 Lakhs in PPF is a safe investment offering tax benefits and guaranteed returns.

PPF: Suitable for long-term savings with a lock-in period and tax-free returns.
Recommendation
Continue investing in PPF for its tax benefits and stable returns. Maximize your annual contribution to take full advantage of its benefits.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
You have Rs 10 Lakhs in FD and Rs 30 Lakhs in kids’ names. FDs offer guaranteed returns but are not tax-efficient and have lower returns.

Recommendation
Consider gradually moving some FD investments into mutual funds or PPF for better returns and tax efficiency. Maintain some FDs for liquidity and safety.

Senior Citizen Scheme
The Rs 15 Lakhs in the Senior Citizen Scheme under your mother’s name offers safety and regular income but limited growth potential.

Recommendation
Continue with this investment for its regular income benefits, especially if it supports your mother’s financial needs.

LIC
You have Rs 6 Lakhs in LIC policies. LIC policies typically offer lower returns compared to mutual funds.

Recommendation
Evaluate the returns of your LIC policies. If they are underperforming, consider surrendering them and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds for better growth.

Strategic Financial Plan for Retirement
Now, let’s outline a strategic plan to ensure a comfortable retirement.

Step 1: Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or liquid mutual fund.

Step 2: Investing in Mutual Funds
Given your long-term horizon, focus on increasing your equity mutual fund investments for higher returns. Allocate a portion to debt funds for stability and hybrid funds for balanced growth.

Step 3: Maximizing PPF Contributions
Continue contributing the maximum allowable amount to your PPF account each year. This ensures tax-free, stable returns.

Step 4: Reviewing and Rebalancing Portfolio
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to ensure it aligns with your retirement goals and risk tolerance.

Step 5: Tax Planning
Optimize your investments for tax efficiency. Utilize tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS mutual funds, and other deductions available under Section 80C.

SIPs for Continued Growth
If you aren’t already, consider starting SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) in mutual funds. SIPs bring discipline to your savings and take advantage of rupee cost averaging.

Benefits of SIPs
Discipline: Encourages regular saving.
Cost Averaging: Buys more units when prices are low and fewer units when prices are high.
Compounding: Maximizes returns over time through the power of compounding.
Evaluating Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds. These funds aim to outperform the market through expert stock selection.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Lower Returns: Generally, index funds provide lower returns compared to actively managed funds.
Lack of Flexibility: They replicate a market index and cannot adjust to changing market conditions.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Higher Returns: Aim to outperform the market through active stock selection.
Professional Management: Managed by experienced fund managers who can adapt to market changes.
Risk Management in Investments
Balancing risk and return is crucial. Diversify your investments across different asset classes and periodically review your portfolio.

Equity Funds: Higher returns but higher risk.
Debt Funds: Lower returns but lower risk.
Hybrid Funds: Balanced risk and returns.
Planning for Children’s Future
Though your primary focus is on retirement, planning for your children’s future is also important. Ensure their educational and other financial needs are covered.

Children’s Education Fund
Allocate a portion of your investments specifically for your children’s education. Equity mutual funds can be a good option for long-term goals.

Final Insights
You’ve done an excellent job in diversifying your investments and planning ahead. By focusing on maximizing returns through equity funds, maintaining a balanced portfolio, and optimizing for tax efficiency, you can ensure a comfortable retirement. Keep reviewing and adjusting your investments to stay aligned with your goals.

Your dedication to securing your family’s future is truly commendable. Continue making informed decisions to ensure a worry-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, i am 44 years old. Have 35 lakhs in PF, 30 Lakhs in MF , around 3 lakhs in stocls, 6 lakhs in FDs , home loan of 12 lakhs, 1 house is in litigation though and second house i am joint owner with my father with 30: share. I am single . I want to retire by 55. How should i plan my retirement funds.
Ans: Planning for retirement is a crucial step, especially if you aim to retire by 55. Given your current financial situation, let's create a comprehensive retirement plan. This plan will consider your assets, liabilities, and future financial needs to ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Existing Assets and Liabilities
You have a good start with Rs 35 lakhs in PF, Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs 3 lakhs in stocks, and Rs 6 lakhs in fixed deposits. You also have a home loan of Rs 12 lakhs, and two properties, one in litigation and one shared with your father.

Net Worth Calculation
Let's calculate your net worth by subtracting your liabilities from your assets.

Assets:

PF: Rs 35 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 30 lakhs
Stocks: Rs 3 lakhs
Fixed Deposits: Rs 6 lakhs
Total Assets: Rs 74 lakhs
Liabilities:

Home Loan: Rs 12 lakhs
Total Liabilities: Rs 12 lakhs
Net Worth:

Total Assets - Total Liabilities = Rs 74 lakhs - Rs 12 lakhs = Rs 62 lakhs
Your current net worth is Rs 62 lakhs.

Retirement Goals and Expenses
Determining Retirement Corpus
To determine how much you need to retire comfortably, estimate your annual expenses post-retirement. Factor in inflation, healthcare costs, and any other regular expenses. Suppose you estimate your annual expenses to be Rs 6 lakhs today.

Assuming an average inflation rate of 6%, your expenses in 11 years will be:11.3 6 Lacs.

To maintain this lifestyle for 25 years post-retirement, you need a corpus that supports annual withdrawals of Rs 11.36 lakhs, adjusted for inflation. Assuming a safe withdrawal rate of 4%: Required corpus approx = 2.84 Crores.

Investment Strategy
Maximizing Existing Investments
Provident Fund (PF):
Continue contributing to your PF to benefit from the guaranteed returns and tax advantages. This will be a stable part of your retirement corpus.

Mutual Funds:
Given your substantial investment in mutual funds, ensure they are diversified across equity and debt funds. Equity funds offer growth, while debt funds provide stability. Aim for a mix that aligns with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Stocks:
Stocks can offer high returns but come with higher risk. Review your stock portfolio and consider diversifying to reduce risk. Focus on blue-chip stocks for stability and potential growth.

Fixed Deposits:
Fixed deposits offer safety but low returns. Consider shifting a portion of your FDs to higher-yield investments like mutual funds or debt funds to enhance returns.

Reducing Liabilities
Home Loan Repayment:
Prioritize paying off your home loan. This reduces interest burden and improves cash flow. Consider using a portion of your fixed deposits or mutual funds to expedite repayment.
Addressing Real Estate Issues
Litigation Property:
Legal issues can be lengthy and uncertain. Keep a close watch and consult with a legal advisor. Avoid relying on this property for your retirement corpus.

Joint Ownership Property:
Discuss future plans with your father regarding the jointly owned property. Ensure clarity on ownership and future use or sale.

Enhancing Savings and Investments
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Start or increase your SIPs in mutual funds. SIPs help in disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging, which is beneficial for long-term wealth creation.

Diversification
Diversify your investments across various asset classes. This includes equity, debt, and other financial instruments. Diversification reduces risk and enhances potential returns.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or liquid funds.

Insurance Coverage
Health Insurance
Ensure your mediclaim policy offers adequate coverage. Health costs can significantly impact your savings, especially post-retirement.

Life Insurance
Evaluate your life insurance coverage. If you hold LIC policies or other investment-linked insurance, consider their returns. If they are not meeting your expectations, consider surrendering them and redirecting the funds to more efficient investments.

Tax Planning
Utilizing Tax Benefits
Maximize tax-saving investments under Section 80C. This includes PF, PPF, ELSS, and other eligible instruments. Utilize the tax benefits to reduce your taxable income and increase your savings.

Long-Term Capital Gains
Plan your investments to take advantage of long-term capital gains tax benefits. Equity investments held for more than a year qualify for lower tax rates, enhancing your post-tax returns.

Regular Portfolio Review
Periodic Assessments
Regularly review your investment portfolio. Adjust allocations based on market conditions and personal circumstances. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can assist in periodic reviews and rebalancing.

Staying Informed
Stay updated with financial news and trends. Financial literacy empowers you to make informed decisions and adapt your strategy as needed.

Appreciating Your Efforts
Your proactive approach to retirement planning is commendable. At 44, you have substantial savings and a clear goal. This disciplined approach will ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Conclusion
Achieving a comfortable retirement by 55 requires careful planning and disciplined execution. Assess your current financial situation, set clear goals, and choose the right investment options. Regularly review and adjust your plan with the help of a Certified Financial Planner. Stay consistent, patient, and informed. Your dedication and effort will pave the way to financial success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 11, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 36 years old, 18 Lacs in the share market. 15 lacs in the Mutual funds and 27 Lac of home loan for 10 years at my home town and leaving in the metro city with 28k rent. In terms of dependent I have with my wife and 3 year old daughter. How can I plan my retirement?I do have saving scheme like Ssy and PPF in these invest is not appropriate or planned
Ans: Planning for retirement is a crucial step towards ensuring financial stability in your later years. You have a good foundation with investments in the share market and mutual funds, but a comprehensive plan will help you achieve your goals effectively. Let's dive into a detailed analysis of your current situation and develop a strategic retirement plan.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
You are 36 years old, living in a metro city with your wife and a 3-year-old daughter. You have a home loan, pay rent, and have investments in shares and mutual funds.

Assets and Liabilities
Share Market Investments: Rs 18 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs 15 lakhs
Home Loan: Rs 27 lakhs (10-year tenure)
Monthly Rent: Rs 28,000
Monthly Expenses and Income
Considering your rent and other household expenses, it's essential to plan your cash flow efficiently. Let's assume your monthly household expenses, excluding rent, are Rs 40,000.

Dependents
You have your wife and daughter as dependents. Planning for their future needs, including your daughter's education and marriage, is vital.

Strategic Planning for Retirement
Setting Retirement Goals
Desired Retirement Age: Let’s assume you aim to retire at 60.
Post-Retirement Monthly Expenses: Considering inflation, your current Rs 40,000 expenses will increase. Planning for Rs 1 lakh monthly post-retirement is prudent.
Retirement Corpus: To sustain Rs 1 lakh monthly for 20-30 years, a significant corpus is needed. Let's aim for Rs 5-6 crores.
Evaluating Current Investments
Share Market Investments
Your Rs 18 lakhs in shares is a good start. However, stock investments are volatile. Diversifying into stable instruments will reduce risk.

Mutual Funds
Your Rs 15 lakhs in mutual funds should be reviewed for performance and diversification. Actively managed funds can potentially offer higher returns than passive index funds.

Home Loan
A Rs 27 lakh home loan is a significant liability. Paying it off early can save interest costs and reduce financial stress.

Developing a Detailed Plan
Emergency Fund
Establish an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be in a liquid or savings account.

Emergency Fund Amount: Rs 5-6 lakhs
Location: Savings account or liquid mutual fund
Home Loan Repayment
Prioritize paying off the home loan. Reducing this debt will free up resources for other investments.

Extra EMI Payments: Consider making extra EMI payments to reduce the tenure and interest burden.
Refinance Options: Explore refinancing the loan at a lower interest rate.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Continue or start SIPs in mutual funds. SIPs help in disciplined investing and rupee cost averaging.

Monthly SIP Amount: Allocate a portion of your income towards SIPs in equity and debt mutual funds.
Diversification: Ensure a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and debt funds.
Child's Education and Marriage Planning
Start a dedicated investment plan for your daughter's education and marriage.

Education Corpus: Estimate future education costs and start investing in child-specific plans or equity funds.
Marriage Corpus: Begin a parallel investment for marriage expenses.
Retirement Corpus Building
Aggressively build your retirement corpus through a combination of equity, mutual funds, and PPF.

Equity Investments: Continue investing in shares but diversify to reduce risk.
Mutual Funds: Increase SIP contributions and opt for a balanced mix of equity and debt funds.
PPF and Other Schemes: Continue investing in PPF for stable returns and tax benefits.
Review and Rebalance Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Rebalance to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Calculations and Projections
Home Loan Repayment
Assuming an interest rate of 8% on your Rs 27 lakh home loan with a 10-year tenure:

Current EMI: Approx. Rs 32,830
Interest Outflow: Reducing the tenure through extra payments can significantly lower interest costs.
SIP and Mutual Funds
Assuming an average return of 10% from equity mutual funds:

Current Mutual Fund Value: Rs 15 lakhs
Monthly SIP: Rs 20,000
Future Value (24 years): Using compound interest formula, your SIPs can grow substantially.
Retirement Corpus Projection
To achieve a Rs 5-6 crore corpus in 24 years, you need a strategic investment plan. Assuming a mixed portfolio return of 10-12%:

Current Investments: Rs 33 lakhs (shares + mutual funds)
Annual Addition: Rs 2.4 lakhs (Rs 20,000 SIP)
Future Value: Your investments can potentially grow to meet your retirement goals.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer potential advantages over index funds:

Professional Management: Fund managers actively select stocks to outperform benchmarks.
Flexibility: They can adapt to market conditions, potentially reducing losses in downturns.
Higher Returns: With the right strategy, they can offer higher returns than passive funds.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds have lower expense ratios but require more involvement:

Complexity: Investors must choose and manage funds themselves.
Time-Consuming: Keeping up with market trends and fund performance needs time.
Risk of Poor Choices: Without professional guidance, there’s a risk of poor investment decisions.
Importance of Professional Guidance
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide:

Tailored Advice: CFPs offer personalized plans based on your goals and risk tolerance.
Regular Monitoring: They track your investments and suggest timely adjustments.
Comprehensive Planning: CFPs help with tax, retirement, and estate planning.
Additional Financial Considerations
Insurance
Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage. This protects your family in case of unforeseen events.

Life Insurance: Opt for term insurance covering at least 10-15 times your annual income.
Health Insurance: A comprehensive health plan covers medical expenses and safeguards savings.
Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can save money and enhance your investment corpus.

Tax-Saving Investments: Utilize Section 80C for investments in PPF, ELSS, and other schemes.
Deductions: Avail deductions for home loan interest under Section 24(b).
Final Insights
Your financial journey towards retirement requires careful planning and disciplined investing. By focusing on paying off your home loan, building an emergency fund, and investing in a diversified portfolio, you can achieve your retirement goals. Regular reviews and adjustments, along with professional guidance, will ensure you stay on track.

By following this comprehensive strategy, you can secure a comfortable retirement and provide for your family's future needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

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Relationship
Me and my wife don't get along well...She thinks my family members are not good enough, so she has no relationship with them. Earlier I was not in good shape due to my friend's circle and did not give quality time to my wife when we got married. A few years back there was a misunderstanding between both families. Mistakes were from both sides. Now my in-laws and wife do speak to any member of our family and have broken all relationships. This is for the past several years since they have stopped talking. My father is a cancer patient and wants to come and stay with me. He is 80 now but my wife is deadly against this though I have not discussed this yet with her. I need your guidance as to how to handle this situation and restore a good relationship between both families. My mother-in-law had fought with me in the past as well and held me responsible for her daughter's plight. My wife is very secretive and does not reveal anything be it about her salary/job etc. I am fed up and now I have started to think of separating if she does not allow my father to stay with me. Our marriage is almost 24 years now. I am 50 and she is in her late 40's....I want to get these things right and maintain a good relationship between both families. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Trilok,
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like past misunderstandings between both families have turned into a long-standing rift. It’s understandable that you want to fix things and create harmony, but the resistance from your wife and in-laws makes it complicated. Before addressing the larger family conflict, the first step is to work on communication with your wife. You mentioned that earlier in the marriage, you weren’t able to give her enough quality time due to personal struggles. Do you think she still holds on to resentment from that time? If so, addressing those unresolved emotions could be a starting point for rebuilding some connection.

Since she is very secretive, it’s possible that she also feels disconnected from you in some way. Instead of making the father-staying discussion an immediate confrontation, try to understand her underlying fears. Is she worried about responsibilities, space, or past issues with your family? Bringing this up as a conversation about caregiving rather than a demand might help.

If her resistance is absolute and she refuses to even consider it, you’ll have to decide how much compromise you’re willing to make for the sake of your marriage. If you feel separation is a real possibility, ask yourself whether the relationship still has a foundation worth saving or if both of you have simply grown too far apart.

Would she be open to counseling or mediation? Sometimes a third party can help break the cycle of blame and secrecy. Do you feel that she still values this marriage, or has she emotionally distanced herself completely?

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
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I want to retire by 2026. Current financials - MF 2cr value, equity- 5cr, 2 own homes, bank FD - 20L, Savings a/c - 90L, no loans, 2 vehicles, 2 daughters employed, marriageable age. Current expenses - 1.5lacs/month. How do I plan to retire by March 2026.
Ans: Your financial position is strong. Planning for retirement in March 2026 is realistic.

Assessing Your Retirement Readiness
Your total investments and savings exceed Rs 8 crore.
You have no loans, ensuring financial stability.
Your monthly expenses are Rs 1.5 lakh, which requires proper planning.
Creating a Secure Retirement Corpus
Maintain Rs 90 lakh in a savings account only for short-term needs.
Keep Rs 20 lakh in FD for emergency expenses.
Use a mix of mutual funds and equities for long-term wealth growth.
Managing Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement
Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds for a regular income.
Keep a portion of your corpus in debt investments to ensure stability.
Adjust your investment strategy based on inflation and expenses.
Planning for Major Future Expenses
Daughters' weddings need a dedicated investment plan.
Allocate a portion of low-risk investments for this goal.
Avoid withdrawing from equity investments unnecessarily.
Final Insights
Your financial standing supports early retirement.
Ensure liquidity while keeping long-term investments intact.
Work with a Certified Financial Planner for detailed execution.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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