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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 13, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Preetam Question by Preetam on May 01, 2024Hindi
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I am 47 year old planning to retire at 55 year currently from Jan24 started investing 25000 in equity mutual fund, have 10,00,000 in ppf, will get around 25,00,000 of pf n gratuity on 55 years, I have HL emi of 22,000 for next 15 years, I want a corpus of 1Cr in 8 years my take home salary is 90,000 Pls suggest

Ans: Embarking on your journey towards retirement at 55, with a clear vision and proactive financial planning, is commendable. Let's delve into strategic steps to help you achieve your desired corpus of ?1 crore in 8 years while maintaining financial stability and security.

Harnessing the Power of Equity Mutual Funds
Your monthly investment of ?25,000 in equity mutual funds is a prudent step towards wealth accumulation. Given your 8-year horizon, continue to nurture this investment avenue, focusing on diversified funds with a track record of consistent performance and aligning with your risk tolerance.

Leveraging Existing Assets
Your investments in Public Provident Fund (PPF) and anticipated proceeds from Provident Fund (PF) and gratuity offer a solid foundation. Maximize the growth potential of these assets by exploring options like debt mutual funds or fixed income securities to optimize returns while preserving capital.

Managing Home Loan Commitments
Your home loan EMI of ?22,000 poses a financial commitment. Ensure timely repayment while exploring opportunities to accelerate loan closure through surplus income or lump-sum payments. Consider refinancing options to optimize interest rates and reduce the loan tenure if feasible.

Striving Towards Your Corpus Goal
To achieve a corpus of ?1 crore in 8 years, a disciplined approach is essential. Calculate the required monthly contribution based on your investment horizon, expected returns, and risk appetite. Aim for a balanced mix of equity and debt instruments to mitigate risks and enhance growth potential.

Optimizing Your Income
With a take-home salary of ?90,000, identify avenues to augment your income. Explore opportunities for additional streams of revenue, such as freelance work, rental income from properties, or side business ventures, to accelerate wealth accumulation and achieve your financial goals faster.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Plan
Regularly review your investment portfolio and financial plan to ensure alignment with your goals and changing life circumstances. Adjust your strategy as needed, considering market dynamics, economic trends, and personal aspirations to stay on track towards your retirement objectives.

Collaborating with a Certified Financial Planner
Engaging with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) will provide personalized guidance tailored to your financial aspirations and retirement goals. A CFP will assess your current financial situation, craft a comprehensive plan, and provide ongoing support to navigate the complexities of wealth management and retirement planning.

Embracing Financial Freedom
Your proactive approach towards retirement planning sets the stage for a fulfilling and financially secure future. By leveraging investment opportunities, optimizing income sources, and seeking expert advice, you're well-positioned to achieve your dream of retirement with a substantial corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi..I am 27 years old having salary of approx 1 lakh per month. I want to make a corpus of around 10 cr till my retirement. As of now I am having Fd of 2.5 lakh, sip started 2 yrs back for 7.5k with step up of 1.5k invested in index and small cap fund which is 2 lakh. Also started investing in etf for 15k per month as sip. I have also invested in LIC which is around 1.8lakhs per year started 2 years back. As I am in PSB so in NPS around 20k per month gets deposited whose current value is 3.2 lakhs. Kindly guide.
Ans: At 27 years old and with a monthly salary of Rs. 1 lakh, you're on a great path. Let’s explore how you can reach a corpus of Rs. 10 crores by retirement.

Current Financial Overview
Fixed Deposits: You have Rs. 2.5 lakhs in FD. This is good for safety, but the returns are low.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): You’ve started a SIP two years back with Rs. 7,500, stepped up by Rs. 1,500. This is invested in index and small cap funds. The current value is Rs. 2 lakhs.

Exchange Traded Funds (ETFs): You invest Rs. 15,000 per month in ETFs.

LIC: You invest Rs. 1.8 lakhs annually in LIC. This started two years ago.

National Pension System (NPS): Rs. 20,000 per month is deposited in NPS. Its current value is Rs. 3.2 lakhs.

SIPs: A Good Start
Your SIP investment shows foresight. However, let’s examine the types of funds:

Disadvantages of Index Funds:
Index funds track market indices. While they offer diversification, they lack flexibility. In volatile markets, actively managed funds can adapt better.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:
Actively managed funds have professional fund managers. They aim to outperform the market. These funds can offer better returns with careful management.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
You might be investing directly in mutual funds. Here’s why regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be better:

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:
Direct funds have lower costs but no guidance. You may miss out on professional advice. This can lead to suboptimal investment choices.

Benefits of Regular Funds:
Regular funds involve a fee but come with professional advice. A CFP can help you choose the right funds, monitor performance, and adjust strategies.

LIC Policies: Reconsideration Needed
Your LIC policy requires Rs. 1.8 lakhs annually. These policies often mix insurance with investment, offering lower returns. Consider surrendering this policy and reinvesting in mutual funds. This can enhance your investment growth.

Maximizing NPS Benefits
Your NPS investment is strong. NPS offers tax benefits and long-term growth. Ensure you choose an aggressive asset allocation to maximize returns. As retirement nears, gradually shift to safer investments.

ETF Investments: Strategic Adjustments
Investing Rs. 15,000 per month in ETFs shows diligence. However, ETFs, like index funds, follow the market. Consider reducing ETF investments and reallocating to actively managed mutual funds for potentially higher returns.

Creating a Robust Investment Strategy
Diversifying Your Portfolio
Equity Funds:
Increase your SIP in equity mutual funds. Focus on a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds. Actively managed funds can help balance risk and return.

Debt Funds:
Allocate a portion to debt mutual funds. These provide stability and reduce overall portfolio risk.

Gold Funds:
Consider a small allocation to gold funds. They hedge against inflation and market volatility.

Systematic Transfer Plans (STP)
Utilize STPs to transfer funds from debt to equity. This strategy reduces risk and ensures disciplined investing.

Stepping Up SIPs
Continue stepping up your SIPs annually. This ensures your investment grows with your income. Aim to increase your SIP contributions by at least 10-15% every year.

Importance of Financial Planning
Setting Clear Goals
Define your financial goals. Besides the Rs. 10 crore retirement corpus, set short and medium-term goals. This could include buying a house, child’s education, or travel plans.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund. This should cover 6-12 months of expenses. It ensures financial stability during unforeseen circumstances.

Insurance: Adequate Coverage
Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. A term plan is a cost-effective option for life insurance. Review your health insurance to cover all medical needs.

Monitoring and Review
Regular Portfolio Review
Review your portfolio every 6 months. Assess performance and make necessary adjustments. A CFP can help with these reviews.

Tax Planning
Utilize tax-saving instruments wisely. Besides NPS, consider ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) for tax benefits under Section 80C.

Final Insights
You’re on the right path with your current investments. However, a few strategic adjustments can significantly improve your chances of reaching a Rs. 10 crore corpus.

Switch to Actively Managed Funds: Move from index and ETFs to actively managed mutual funds. This can provide higher returns over time.

Reevaluate LIC Policies: Consider surrendering LIC policies and reinvesting in mutual funds.

Step Up SIPs: Regularly increase your SIP contributions. This leverages your growing income for better future returns.

Seek Professional Advice: Regularly consult a Certified Financial Planner. Their expertise can help you navigate market changes and optimize your investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 18, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 44 with monthly income of 1.9 L per month. My current portfolio is Mutual Fund - 5 L { SIP - Rs 15000 per Month } Equity - 3 L PF - 12 L FD - 6 L NPS / PPF - 2 L Sukanya - 2 L Old Insurance policies & Ulip - Around 5 L Medical Insurance covered for family Home Loan pending - 38 L { EMI of 53000 per month } I am planning to retire by 55 and looking for a corpus of 4 Cr. Please suggest how do i proceed?
Ans: You are 44 years old with a stable income of Rs. 1.9 lakh per month. Your portfolio consists of:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 5 lakh, with a SIP of Rs. 15,000 per month.

Equity: Rs. 3 lakh in direct equity.

Provident Fund: Rs. 12 lakh, offering steady, risk-free growth.

Fixed Deposit: Rs. 6 lakh, providing secure, low-risk returns.

NPS/PPF: Rs. 2 lakh in these long-term retirement-focused instruments.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: Rs. 2 lakh, a good plan for your daughter’s future.

Old Insurance Policies & ULIPs: Around Rs. 5 lakh, combining insurance and investment.

Medical Insurance: Adequate coverage for your family.

Home Loan: Rs. 38 lakh pending, with an EMI of Rs. 53,000 per month.

You aim to retire by age 55, with a target retirement corpus of Rs. 4 crore. This is an ambitious yet achievable goal with disciplined planning.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your portfolio is diversified across various asset classes. Here’s a brief assessment:

Mutual Funds: You have Rs. 5 lakh invested, with a SIP of Rs. 15,000 per month. This is a solid start, but you’ll need to increase your SIP over time to reach your goal.

Equity: Rs. 3 lakh in direct equity offers growth potential. However, direct equity requires active management and carries higher risk. Consider whether you have the time and expertise to manage this actively.

Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 12 lakh in PF provides a safe and steady return. It’s a good foundation for your retirement planning, but it alone won’t suffice to reach your Rs. 4 crore target.

Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs. 6 lakh in FD is low-risk but offers limited growth. This is useful for emergencies or short-term needs, but it won’t help much in wealth accumulation.

NPS/PPF: Rs. 2 lakh here is beneficial for long-term tax-efficient growth. Continue contributing to these, as they will form part of your retirement corpus.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: Rs. 2 lakh is a smart investment for your daughter’s education and marriage expenses. This is a long-term, tax-free investment, which is beneficial.

Old Insurance Policies & ULIPs: Rs. 5 lakh here may not be optimally allocated. ULIPs often have high costs and suboptimal returns compared to mutual funds. These should be reviewed and possibly restructured.

Medical Insurance: You’ve ensured coverage for your family, which is essential. This helps safeguard your financial planning from unexpected medical expenses.

Home Loan: Rs. 38 lakh pending with an EMI of Rs. 53,000 per month is a significant commitment. This is manageable given your income but impacts your monthly cash flow. Paying this off before retirement would ease financial pressure.

Steps to Reach Your Rs. 4 Crore Retirement Corpus
To achieve a retirement corpus of Rs. 4 crore by age 55, a structured approach is necessary. Let’s break it down:

1. Increase Your SIP Contributions
Current Situation: You invest Rs. 15,000 per month in SIPs. While this is good, it’s not enough to reach your Rs. 4 crore goal.

Recommended Action: Gradually increase your SIP contributions. Aim to increase by at least 10-15% every year. As your income grows, channel a portion of the increments into your SIPs. This helps in capitalizing on the power of compounding.

Focus on Actively Managed Funds: Actively managed funds are preferable over index funds due to their potential for higher returns. Work with an MFD with CFP credentials to choose the best funds.

2. Review and Restructure Old Insurance Policies & ULIPs
Current Situation: You have Rs. 5 lakh in old insurance policies and ULIPs. These may not be the most efficient investments for wealth creation.

Recommended Action: Review these policies with your Certified Financial Planner. If they are underperforming or carrying high costs, consider surrendering them and reallocating the funds to mutual funds. This will give you better returns in the long run.

Shift Focus to Term Insurance: If you don’t have term insurance, consider getting it. Term insurance offers high coverage at a low cost, ensuring your family’s financial security without mixing insurance and investment.

3. Maximize Contributions to PPF and NPS
Current Situation: You have Rs. 2 lakh in PPF and NPS combined. These are long-term, tax-efficient investment vehicles.

Recommended Action: Maximize your contributions to PPF each year. It’s a risk-free, tax-free option with a decent return. NPS is also beneficial, especially for its tax advantages. Consider increasing your NPS contributions, especially if your employer offers matching contributions.

Diversify Within NPS: Choose an asset allocation within NPS that aligns with your risk tolerance. A mix of equity and debt within NPS can provide balanced growth and safety.

4. Pay Down Your Home Loan Strategically
Current Situation: You have Rs. 38 lakh left on your home loan, with a hefty EMI of Rs. 53,000 per month.

Recommended Action: Paying off your home loan before retirement should be a priority. You don’t want a large liability hanging over your head post-retirement. Consider making additional payments towards the principal whenever possible. This will reduce the loan tenure and the interest paid over time.

Balance Between Investment and Loan Repayment: While it’s important to pay down your loan, don’t compromise on your investments. Find a balance where you can continue to grow your wealth while reducing debt.

5. Emergency Fund and FD Utilization
Current Situation: You have Rs. 6 lakh in FD, which is good for emergencies.

Recommended Action: Keep at least 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in your FD as an emergency fund. If you have excess funds beyond this, consider moving them to higher-yield investments, such as mutual funds or PPF, which offer better growth prospects.

Liquidity Needs: Ensure your emergency fund is easily accessible. Don’t tie up all your savings in long-term investments without having liquid reserves.

6. Direct Equity and Risk Management
Current Situation: You have Rs. 3 lakh in direct equity. This carries higher risk and requires active management.

Recommended Action: Evaluate your equity portfolio with your Certified Financial Planner. Ensure your stock picks align with your risk tolerance and retirement goals. If managing direct equity is overwhelming, consider shifting some of these funds to mutual funds, where professional managers can handle your investments.

Diversification: Avoid over-concentration in any one sector or stock. Diversify your holdings to reduce risk.

7. Consider Additional Retirement Vehicles
Current Situation: Your retirement savings are spread across various instruments.

Recommended Action: Explore additional retirement vehicles such as Voluntary Provident Fund (VPF) or Senior Citizens Savings Scheme (SCSS) when you approach 55. These provide secure, government-backed options for retirement savings.

Don’t Rely Solely on One Source: Ensure your retirement corpus is spread across multiple sources to reduce risk and provide flexibility.

8. Regular Portfolio Review and Rebalancing
Current Situation: Your portfolio needs to be regularly monitored to stay aligned with your goals.

Recommended Action: Schedule regular reviews with your Certified Financial Planner. Adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and your evolving financial situation. As you approach retirement, gradually shift from high-risk to lower-risk investments to preserve your capital.

Stay Disciplined: Avoid making emotional decisions based on short-term market fluctuations. Stick to your long-term plan, and make adjustments only when necessary.

9. Estate Planning and Will Creation
Current Situation: While your focus is on retirement, it’s also essential to think about estate planning.

Recommended Action: Create a will to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. This will prevent legal complications for your family later. Consider discussing with your Certified Financial Planner the need for a trust if your estate is substantial.

Nomination Updates: Ensure all your investments, insurance policies, and retirement accounts have updated nominations. This simplifies the process for your beneficiaries.

Finally
Your goal of a Rs. 4 crore retirement corpus by age 55 is achievable. It requires a disciplined approach, increasing your SIP contributions, optimizing your existing portfolio, and paying down debt. Work closely with your Certified Financial Planner to ensure your investments align with your goals. Regular reviews and adjustments will keep you on track towards a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 04, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, I am 36-year-old male and want to achieve a corpus of 8 cr at the age of 55 to retire. My current financial situation is as below: *Monthly earnings after taxes: 1.5 Lakh *Monthly expenses: 60-70000 + some times uncalled ones too My portfolio is : *EPF: 8 lakhs *Mutual Funds: 14Lakhs *PPF: 7.5 Lakhs *FD and RD: 4 Lakhs *Stocks: 3 Lakhs *NSC: 1.5 Lakhs Ongoing investments: *35,000 monthly SIP across multi cap, large cap, frontline Equity, Infra and Energy * 20,000 RD at 7.1 % * EPF 30,000/per month * Yearly PPF 1.5 lakhs Stocks are as per the market. So, my goal is to retire by the age of 55 and by then I want a sizable amount of corpus after taking care of my kid's education and marriage.
Ans: At 36 years old, you have set a clear goal: to accumulate a corpus of Rs. 8 crores by age 55. Your current financial situation reflects a disciplined approach, with a good balance between investments and savings. However, achieving an Rs. 8 crore corpus in the next 19 years will require strategic planning and disciplined execution.

Let’s break down your current portfolio and ongoing investments:

EPF: Rs. 8 lakhs
Mutual Funds: Rs. 14 lakhs
PPF: Rs. 7.5 lakhs
FD and RD: Rs. 4 lakhs
Stocks: Rs. 3 lakhs
NSC: Rs. 1.5 lakhs
Total: Rs. 38 lakhs

You are also making ongoing investments:

SIP: Rs. 35,000 per month
RD: Rs. 20,000 per month at 7.1%
EPF: Rs. 30,000 per month
PPF: Rs. 1.5 lakhs per year
Stocks: Market-based investments
Your total monthly income is Rs. 1.5 lakhs, with expenses ranging from Rs. 60,000 to Rs. 70,000. This leaves you with a significant surplus to invest towards your retirement goal.

Reviewing Your Investment Strategy
Mutual Funds
You are currently investing Rs. 35,000 per month in various mutual funds, including multi-cap, large-cap, frontline equity, infra, and energy. This is a strong start, but let’s refine it:

Diversification: Ensure your portfolio is diversified across different sectors and market caps. Avoid overlapping funds that invest in similar stocks.

Focus on High-Growth Funds: Consider allocating more to funds with a history of higher returns, especially those focusing on emerging sectors and mid/small-cap companies. However, don’t overexpose yourself to high-risk funds.

Review Regularly: The market is dynamic. Regularly review and rebalance your mutual fund portfolio to stay aligned with your goals.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Your yearly investment in PPF is Rs. 1.5 lakhs, which is a secure and tax-efficient investment. However:

Limited Growth Potential: PPF offers safety, but the returns are moderate. While it’s a good component of your portfolio, it shouldn’t dominate your long-term strategy.

Continue as a Safety Net: Maintain your PPF contributions for stability and tax benefits, but focus more on higher-growth investments for wealth accumulation.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF)
You contribute Rs. 30,000 per month to your EPF, which is a strong foundation for your retirement corpus. EPF provides:

Steady Returns: EPF offers safe and steady returns with tax benefits. It should remain a core part of your retirement planning.

Long-Term Focus: Continue maximizing your EPF contributions, as it’s a low-risk, long-term investment that will grow significantly over 19 years.

Recurring Deposit (RD)
You are investing Rs. 20,000 per month in an RD at 7.1%. While this is a safe option:

Low Return on Investment: RD offers safety but with limited returns. It’s good for short-term goals but might not be the best for long-term wealth accumulation.

Reallocate to Higher-Growth Options: Consider reducing your RD contributions and reallocating the surplus to higher-growth mutual funds or stocks.

Stocks
You have Rs. 3 lakhs invested in stocks and continue to invest as per market conditions. Stocks are:

High-Risk, High-Reward: Stocks offer higher returns but come with higher risks. Ensure you are investing in fundamentally strong companies with growth potential.

Regular Monitoring: Actively monitor and manage your stock investments to capitalize on market opportunities.

National Savings Certificate (NSC)
Your Rs. 1.5 lakh investment in NSC is a low-risk, fixed-return option. While NSC is safe:

Low Growth: Like RD and PPF, NSC offers safety but with limited growth. It’s suitable for conservative investments but should not be a significant portion of your retirement corpus.
Setting a Path to Achieve Rs. 8 Crores
To achieve Rs. 8 crores in 19 years, a well-rounded strategy is essential. Here’s how you can plan:

Increase Equity Exposure
Higher Allocation to Equity: Given your long-term horizon, consider increasing your exposure to equity mutual funds. Equities have the potential to outpace inflation and offer higher returns over the long term.

Balanced Portfolio: Maintain a balanced portfolio with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This will help in capturing growth across different segments of the market.

Consider Systematic Transfer Plans (STPs)
STPs for Rebalancing: As you approach your retirement age, gradually transfer funds from equity to debt through STPs. This will help reduce risk as you near your goal.

Stable Returns in Later Years: STPs allow you to lock in gains from equity investments and shift to safer debt funds as you approach your retirement.

Regularly Review and Adjust
Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your portfolio to ensure it’s on track. Adjust your investment strategy based on market conditions and your changing risk appetite.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Regular consultations with a CFP can provide professional guidance and help in optimizing your investment strategy.

Emergency Fund and Insurance
Maintain an Emergency Fund: Ensure you have at least 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in a liquid fund. This will protect your investments from being liquidated in case of unforeseen expenses.

Adequate Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage to protect your family and your assets. This will safeguard your retirement corpus from unexpected medical or life events.

Final Insights
Achieving Rs. 8 crores by the age of 55 is ambitious but attainable with disciplined saving and investing. Focus on increasing your equity exposure while maintaining a safety net through EPF, PPF, and emergency funds. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goal.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
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Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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