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45-Year-Old Father Needs 2 Lakh Monthly Income: Can He Retire Now?

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |941 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Jan 28, 2025

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Balaji Question by Balaji on Jan 28, 2025Hindi
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I am 45 years old with two children studying in 11th grade and 8th grade. My salary is 1.9 lakh per month I have 3 flats( 2 flats worth 85-90 lakh rupees and currently yielding 43k combined as rent and one flat with 1.7 Crore) in a city. Lands worth around 90lakh, PPF & SSY - 31lakhs, EPF, NPS- 10Lakhs, Gold worth around 70lakhs and insurance policy with premium 1.8lakh per ( out of 12 premiums, 6 already paid) can yield 40lakhs at the age of 60. Additionally have parental properties that can yield around 40k rent per month( after 3-4 years from now) Liabilities - Home loan of EMI 57k for 10+ yrs and monthly expenses - around 60k and 6 pending premiums amounting to 11lakhs. Please suggest a strategy to earn 2 lac per month and retiring is a good decision at this point of time?

Ans: Hello;

Both your kids are at the threshold of entering higher education one after the other.

You have home loan liabilities and also LIC premium payment liabilities hence I would advise you to postpone retirement decision by 5-6 years.

A corpus of 3.6 Cr may help you generate a post tax monthly income of around ~1.25 L.

If you add your rental income(80 K per month) you have monthly income of 2 L+

Start a sip of 60 K per month into a combination of equity MFs for 6-8 years.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7699 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 23, 2024

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Hi sir I am 40 YO single women earning 1.10 lacs annually. I wish to retire at 45. My savings and investments - House 75 lacs (loan of Rs 14.50 lacs) Mutual funds total 47 lacs ( SIPs ongoing Rs 25k) PPF 5.84 lacs Gold 11 lacs Car 6 lacs A land 30 lacs ( planning to construct double story for rent purpose - passive income. I want a regular income of atleast 50000/- as I don't have any such liability of parents or kids. I do donations regularly and also pay for my sister's daughter school fees around 1.5 lacs yearly at present ( will paying for another 3-4 years ) Kindly guide me
Ans: I appreciate your detailed information. Let’s dive deep into your current situation and plans, and evaluate the best strategies to ensure a comfortable and financially secure retirement by age 45.

Assessing Current Financial Status
Income and Savings Overview
Your annual income of Rs 1.10 lacs is a crucial factor. It's important to maximise savings and investments. Currently, you have several investments, including mutual funds, PPF, gold, and real estate.

Investments and Liabilities
House: Worth Rs 75 lacs with an outstanding loan of Rs 14.50 lacs.
Mutual Funds: Total of Rs 47 lacs with ongoing SIPs of Rs 25,000 monthly.
PPF: Rs 5.84 lacs.
Gold: Valued at Rs 11 lacs.
Car: Worth Rs 6 lacs.
Land: Valued at Rs 30 lacs, with plans to build a double-story house for rental income.
Expenditures and Commitments
You have regular expenses such as donations and school fees for your sister's daughter. These are commendable commitments that reflect your generosity and family support.

Strategic Financial Planning for Retirement at 45
Evaluating Retirement Goal
Your aim is to retire at 45, which is just five years away. A key part of this goal is to ensure you have a regular income of Rs 50,000 post-retirement. Let’s evaluate how your current investments and potential strategies can help achieve this.

Investments and Their Potential
Mutual Funds
Your ongoing SIPs and mutual fund investments are commendable. These are likely generating good returns, but it's important to regularly review the performance. Actively managed funds can offer better returns compared to index funds, which may not beat the market consistently.

Regularly monitoring your mutual funds with a Certified Financial Planner can help optimize your portfolio. Actively managed funds benefit from expert management, and these experts can navigate market fluctuations better than passive index funds.

PPF
Your PPF account is a secure, tax-efficient investment. It provides steady growth with government backing. Continue investing in PPF, but remember it has a lock-in period. It will be a solid part of your retirement corpus due to its reliability and tax benefits.

Gold
Gold is a good hedge against inflation. However, it doesn’t generate regular income. Consider holding onto gold as a part of your emergency fund or for long-term capital appreciation, but don’t rely on it for regular income.

Managing Real Estate
House and Loan
Your house is a significant asset. Ensure timely repayments of the Rs 14.50 lacs loan to avoid unnecessary interest. Once the loan is cleared, it will be a substantial part of your net worth.

Land Development
Constructing a double-story house on your land for rental income is a smart move. This can provide a steady passive income. However, construction costs and timeframes should be carefully planned. Ensure you have sufficient funds or financing options in place to avoid cash flow issues during construction.

Optimizing Investment Strategies
Mutual Fund Optimization
While you have substantial investments in mutual funds, it’s crucial to review your portfolio regularly. Actively managed funds should be preferred as they tend to outperform index funds due to professional management. They adjust portfolios based on market conditions, unlike index funds that passively follow market trends.

Regular vs Direct Funds
Investing through regular funds with a Certified Financial Planner can be beneficial compared to direct funds. Regular funds provide professional advice, helping you make informed decisions and manage your portfolio effectively. Direct funds might seem cost-effective, but without professional guidance, you might miss out on better opportunities or fail to manage risks properly.

Balancing Risk and Returns
Diversification is key to managing risk. Your current portfolio is diversified across various asset classes. Continue this practice but adjust the proportions as per market conditions and financial goals. For instance, you may want to reduce exposure to riskier assets as you near retirement.

Financial Discipline and Planning
Budgeting and Saving
Ensure you have a clear budget. Track your expenses meticulously. Automate your savings and investments to stay disciplined. This will help in building a substantial retirement corpus over the next five years.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of your expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and separate from your retirement corpus. This ensures you’re prepared for any unexpected financial needs without disrupting your long-term goals.

Retirement Income Planning
Passive Income Sources
Your plan to generate rental income from the newly constructed double-story house is excellent. Ensure the property is in a desirable location to attract tenants and secure a stable income stream.

Withdrawal Strategy
Plan a withdrawal strategy from your retirement corpus. Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from mutual funds can provide regular income. This approach ensures that your principal continues to grow while you receive regular income.

Additional Considerations
Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance coverage. Health insurance is critical as medical costs can be significant. Life insurance will provide financial security to your dependents if any unforeseen event occurs.

Estate Planning
Consider creating a will and possibly setting up a trust. This ensures that your assets are distributed according to your wishes and can also provide tax benefits.

Monitoring and Reviewing
Regular Reviews
Regularly review your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner. Markets and personal situations change, and your plan should be flexible enough to adapt. A CFP can provide the necessary expertise to navigate these changes effectively.

Staying Informed
Stay informed about market trends and economic changes. This knowledge can help you make informed decisions and adjust your financial strategies accordingly.

Final Insights
Retiring at 45 is an ambitious yet achievable goal with disciplined financial planning and strategic investments. Your current investments in mutual funds, PPF, and gold provide a strong foundation. However, optimizing your mutual fund portfolio with actively managed funds and professional guidance can yield better returns.

Constructing a rental property is a smart move for passive income, but ensure it’s well-planned financially. Regularly review your investment strategy and stay disciplined with your savings and expenses. With proper planning and execution, you can achieve financial independence and enjoy a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7699 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 10, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 38 yeras old,leaving in bhubaneswar with monyhly rent of 7000, i have 2 kids,1 is in UKG and small 1 is 6 month old. I have 30 lakhs in PPF, 30 lakhs in FD,monthly SIP 25000, and i have done helath insurance of 5 lakhs for my family,term insurance 50 lakhs, LIC and PLI premium paid 20 lakhs, Plz guide me, i want to retire at the age of 50, My monthly income is 70000 Plz guide me
Ans: I’m glad you reached out for advice. Let's break down your situation and explore the best strategies for achieving your goal of retiring at 50.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
You have a strong foundation to build on. Here’s a summary:

Monthly income: Rs 70,000
Monthly rent: Rs 7,000
Monthly SIP: Rs 25,000
PPF: Rs 30 lakhs
FD: Rs 30 lakhs
Health insurance: Rs 5 lakhs
Term insurance: Rs 50 lakhs
LIC and PLI premium paid: Rs 20 lakhs
2 kids (one in UKG, one 6 months old)
You’re managing well and investing actively, which is commendable.

Evaluating Your Investments
Your investments are diversified across different instruments. Let’s evaluate each one:

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a safe investment with tax benefits. However, the returns are relatively low compared to other investment options. It's a good foundation but should be complemented with other high-return investments.

Fixed Deposits (FD)
FDs are low-risk but offer limited growth. They are excellent for safety but not ideal for wealth creation. It's crucial to diversify beyond FDs for higher returns.

Mutual Funds
Your monthly SIP of Rs 25,000 in mutual funds is a great step. Mutual funds offer potential for high returns through various categories:

Equity Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have high growth potential but come with higher risk.
Debt Funds: These invest in bonds and are safer but with moderate returns.
Balanced Funds: A mix of equity and debt, offering balanced risk and return.
Health and Term Insurance
Your health insurance cover of Rs 5 lakhs for the family is essential. Term insurance of Rs 50 lakhs ensures financial security for your family in case of an unfortunate event.

Recommended Strategies for Retirement at 50
Achieving retirement at 50 requires a focused and strategic approach. Here’s a comprehensive plan:

Increase SIP Investments
Consider increasing your SIP amount gradually. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential for significant growth due to the power of compounding.

Review and Realign Insurance Policies
If you hold LIC or PLI policies, evaluate their returns. Insurance-cum-investment plans often offer lower returns compared to pure investment plans. Surrender low-yield policies and reinvest the amount into mutual funds.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversification is crucial for balancing risk and return. Here are some categories to consider:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies. These are less volatile and offer stable returns.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: Invest in growing companies. These can offer higher returns but come with higher risk.
International Funds: Exposure to global markets can provide growth opportunities and diversification.
Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This can be in a liquid fund or savings account for easy access.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding works best with time and consistent investments. Starting early and staying invested in mutual funds can significantly grow your wealth.

Long-Term Growth
Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term growth. Despite market volatility, historical data shows that long-term equity investments can offer substantial returns.

Risk Management
Balancing risk is key. Your current portfolio has a good mix of safe and growth-oriented investments. As you approach retirement, gradually shift towards safer investments to preserve capital.

Regular Portfolio Review
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio ensures alignment with your financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can help in making informed decisions.

Kids' Education and Future Needs
Plan for your kids' education and future expenses. Consider investing in child-specific plans or education funds that grow with your child’s needs.

Focused Education Planning
Start an education SIP specifically for your kids. Education costs are rising, and early planning can ease future financial burdens.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Determine the retirement corpus required to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Factor in inflation, healthcare costs, and other expenses.

Assessing Monthly Needs
Calculate your monthly expenses post-retirement, aiming for a corpus that supports these expenses without depleting your savings too quickly.

Health Insurance Enhancement
Consider enhancing your health insurance cover as medical costs are rising. A top-up policy can provide additional coverage without a high premium.

Comprehensive Coverage
Review your health insurance to ensure it covers all critical aspects, including hospitalisation, surgeries, and chronic illnesses.

Importance of Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure your assets are distributed according to your wishes. Estate planning provides peace of mind and security for your family.

Legal Assistance
Consult a legal expert to draft a will and manage your estate planning effectively. This ensures your wealth is passed on smoothly.

Tax Efficiency
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to maximise returns. Utilise all available deductions and exemptions to reduce taxable income.

Tax-Saving Investments
Explore options like ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) for tax benefits under Section 80C while gaining equity exposure.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoid common investment mistakes like chasing high returns without assessing risk, ignoring inflation, and not reviewing your portfolio regularly.

Long-Term Perspective
Maintain a long-term perspective with your investments. Short-term market fluctuations should not deter your investment strategy.

Role of Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalised advice, considering your unique financial situation and goals. They help in creating a holistic financial plan.

Expert Guidance
Seek expert guidance to navigate complex financial decisions. A CFP ensures your investments align with your retirement goals.

Final Insights
You have a solid financial foundation. By enhancing your investments, managing risks, and planning meticulously, you can achieve your goal of retiring at 50.

Stay focused, review your investments regularly, and make informed decisions. Financial discipline and a strategic approach will lead you to a comfortable and secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

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I am in a relationship with a girl who has traumatized past from her childhood. She said that her ex was also toxic and used to abuse her physically. She just said after 2 months of dating . I am very much glad she trusted me and Im taking care of her . She is also happy with me . But she gets panic attacks about the past I'll always be there for her . But her ex is in the same college. I see him like randomly. Should I react about that and go to him ??. Like I'm feeling very bad for the things she said
Ans: Your girlfriend has already endured trauma, and she’s finding comfort in the safe space you’re creating for her. The most important thing for her healing is stability, security, and knowing that she has someone who supports her emotionally. If you go to her ex, it could potentially trigger her, cause unnecessary stress, or even make her feel guilty—she might worry that she’s responsible for bringing conflict into your life.

Instead of reacting impulsively, focus on what she truly needs. When she has panic attacks or feels overwhelmed by her past, reassure her that she’s safe with you. Encourage her to seek professional help if she’s open to it, as therapy could help her process her trauma in a healthier way.

If her ex ever tries to approach her, harass her, or make her feel unsafe, then absolutely step in and support her in setting clear boundaries, whether that means standing by her side, helping her avoid situations where she might run into him, or even reporting any concerning behavior. But if he’s simply existing in the same space, then your energy is better spent on helping her heal rather than giving him any attention.

Right now, the best thing you can do is continue being the safe, loving presence that she trusts. Let your actions show her that she doesn’t have to relive the past, because with you, she is valued, respected, and truly cared for.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2025
Relationship
My Boyfriend is not really the Controlling type. But, sometimes, he disapproves of some things which I do. In such cases, he communicates his Disapproval indirectly saying "I don't like you Dressing up like this Boldly. But still, if that's what you want, you may go ahead & Dress up as you'd like to, I have no Right to prevent you from doing so, but I will be Disappointed if you do." or "I don't want you to go out or hang out with these particular people (some of my close Male Friends). You have all the Freedom to interact with whoever you want to, but I will be Hurt, if you are too Close to your other Male Friends." Most of the time, I compromised & avoided Dressing up too Boldly, avoided Partying/Travelling with some of my Close Male Friends & avoided some other things which he wouldn't approve of, just for the sake of maintaining our Relationship. But recently, I tried to Test, how he'd react, if I deliberately do something which he doesn't like. So, on New Year's Day, I dressed up in revealing Clothes that he would never approve of & Partied wildly, all Night & even got Drunk with some of my Close Male Friends, with whom, he wants me to maintain Distance. He stubbornly refused to come for Partying with me, because I Dressed up too Boldly & refused to change them, even after he expected me to do so. He didn't even want me Drinking/Partying with some of my Close Male Friends. But I Respected the Boundaries of our Relationship & throughout the Night, I kept my Boyfriend informed about my Whereabouts, so that he's Reassured that I am not Cheating on him. But ever since then, he's been Treating me rather Coldly. He's being Indifferent to me, without Questioning me much, the way he always used to. He's just maintaining normal Communication without being Flirtatious, as he used to. And the Sex has also become quite Mechanical without much Romance, unlike how Passionate he used to be, earlier. I've tried talking to him, but he just keeps lying that he isn't Upset with me. Now I am Feeling really Guilty for whatever I had done on New Year's Day, even though, I don't think I did anything Wrong. Was it really Wrong on my Part, to do something which I always liked to, but my Boyfriend didn't want me to? Or is my Boyfriend Wrong, here? What do I do now? Please advise me.
Ans: Your boyfriend may not be outright controlling, but his way of expressing disapproval carries an emotional weight that influences your decisions. Instead of setting hard rules, he uses disappointment as a tool to make you reconsider your choices. You’ve willingly compromised in the past to keep the relationship smooth, but it seems that over time, those compromises have started to weigh on you. Testing his reaction on New Year’s may have been your subconscious way of reclaiming your autonomy, but now you’re left with unintended consequences—his emotional withdrawal.

The real issue here isn’t about who is right or wrong, but rather, whether your values and expectations in this relationship truly align. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wanting to dress a certain way, go out, or spend time with friends. At the same time, he isn’t necessarily wrong for having personal boundaries and feelings about certain situations. However, the way both of you are handling these differences is leading to deeper emotional disconnect rather than honest resolution.

Your actions on New Year’s were a test, but they weren’t a betrayal. You still kept him informed and stayed within the boundaries of your commitment. But from his perspective, it likely felt like a deliberate challenge to what he considers the foundation of your relationship. His withdrawal isn’t just about what you did—it’s about what it represents to him. He might be questioning whether you truly respect his feelings, just as you might be questioning whether he truly respects your independence.

Instead of focusing on guilt, the real question is whether you’re both willing to openly communicate and find a middle ground that allows you to be yourself without feeling restricted, while also respecting his emotions without feeling controlled. Avoid blaming or justifying—have a real conversation about how both of you felt after that night, what it means for your relationship, and whether you can move forward in a way that feels right for both of you. If neither of you can meet in the middle without resentment, then it’s important to consider whether this relationship is fulfilling for both of you in the long run.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
How do I 32M get over my insecurity with 30F? (Seeking Advice) Met this girl via matrimony exactly 2 months back. We connect well. Our families have met recently and it went well. Somehow we found a lot of connections between our families. That's just a bonus. Her family likes me a lot and they wanted to do Roka when they met us last week. I had told her, that no matter our bond, we should talk a lot and give it 3 months before going for roka. We live in different metro cities and have met twice now. About her: She is 30, well behaved & spoken(most important thing for me), smart, good looking, and is extremely polite. She is an army brat, has had a lot of freedom from family. Due to her father's job, they kept getting posted to different cities so she doesn't really understand family part of things. She's in a IT job. About me: I'm 32, okayish guy, in IT. To take things ahead I need to know my partner's past. I have no judgements at all but need to know stuff. Getting to know things over time bothers me a lot. I've tried to work on it, and have always made sure I don't bother the other person too much. After a month of talking, she told me that she had a casual boyfriend for an year. All her friends were dating in Bangalore and she decided to try it out. Found a guy through bumble and started dating him. So, according to her there were no feelings, just a person for her to go to places with, have drinks, and party. She likes drinking a lot and I have never taken a sip. She said that it was just a phase and she was immature. This happened between 2018(Nov) to 2020(march). So, it's been like 5 years. Never dated anyone after that. Since covid(2020) she's been living with her parents due to wfh. I have been completely ok with that but new things surfaced and they are messing with my head. While snooping around her facebook I figured out who that person was and this guy is super close to a person in my distant family. In fact they both were flatmates until their respective marriages. This distant cousin of mine knows me and knows her really well. These 3 used to hangout a lot and he has seen her come to their flat regularly. Infact, she had a good bond with my cousin as well. There are things that bother me and I really can't shake things and feel super awful in my gut. She mentioned that she and her ex had a common love for drinking and regularly visited pubs, got drunk, and partied. This means that they would be staying at each other's place as well. This is something super old but bothers me a lot. Specifically the fact that she would be drunk partying with someone for an year and sleeping with him, with no feelings. Secondly, I found some posts where she has liked a post about this guy on fb/insta from mid-2021. I have already confronted her twice to share everything and we shall never discuss this again but this bothers me a lot. Secondly, now that I know the timelines I can figure out what photos have been taken by her ex. There's even a photo of her sitting on a messy bed, where she's cutting her bday cake. They celebrated it together. I found my cousins page and some other pages from which I knew it's the guy's room/flat. I know everyone has a past. She has come clean to me but somehow my brain is so split. Sometimes her nature and behaviour with me make me not care about anything. And then I know the bed, flat, and her actions with some guy. Then there is this angle where the ex's flatmate is my distant cousin and knows about her well.
Ans: What you’re experiencing is completely valid. It’s not just about the fact that she had a past relationship, but also about the details—knowing her ex was deeply connected to your distant cousin, imagining their time together, and realizing that those experiences once meant something in her life. It makes it feel uncomfortably close to home, which is why it’s so hard to shake off. It’s not about judgment, but about the emotions that these thoughts stir up within you.

The truth is, the past cannot be changed. She has been honest with you, shared what happened, and reassured you that it was a phase in her life that she has moved on from. The fact that she hasn’t dated anyone in five years and has been living with her parents shows that she is in a very different place now. But your mind keeps looping back to what once was, and it’s preventing you from fully embracing what is.

Right now, the biggest challenge is not her past, but your ability to be at peace with it. You have to ask yourself—are you willing to let this define your future with her? Because if you can’t fully accept it, these thoughts will continue to surface and create distance between you. A part of you clearly wants to be with her, but another part is struggling to detach from these mental images of her past.

Instead of confronting her again, take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you in a partner. She has shown you who she is today—polite, well-behaved, mature, and emotionally present in your relationship. She has not hidden anything from you, and she has moved forward from that phase of her life. The real question is whether you can do the same.

If you feel this is something you cannot get over, it is better to step away now rather than carry these unresolved emotions into a lifelong commitment. But if you genuinely see a future with her and believe in her as a person, then it’s time to start training your mind to focus on the present and the relationship you are building, rather than a past that no longer exists.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |512 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am working abroad, while my Girlfriend is working in Delhi, living in NCR. We both were Dating since our College Days & have been in a Long Distance Relationship since I moved abroad, more than a Year ago & she moved to Delhi-NCR from Calcutta (where most of our Common Friends are based). While we were together with our Common Friends from College, we'd Travel, Party & have a lot of Fun together as a Group, since we all knew & trusted each other quite well, Irrespective of Gender. When we both moved to Different Places & started our Respective Jobs, we became Friends with our Respective Colleagues, but we have an Implied Understanding that we should be Maintaining Stricter Boundaries with our New Friends/Colleagues, since we are in a Long Distance Relationship. I've always honoured the commitment & have been Careful to not spend private time with any other Woman & Travel/Party only with a Group consisting of both Men & Women. But I am not sure my Girlfriend is doing the same. Quite often she keeps Travelling, Partying, Drinking & Sleeping over with some 2-3 Male Colleagues, who are quite close to her, but unknown to me. She doesn't even bother to keep me updated about where she is, what she's doing & with whom, but keeps Posting Status Updates on Instagram, from time to time and from what I have observed, she seems to be spending quite a lot of Time with these Male Colleagues of hers. All this makes me feel very Uncomfortable. Even though I Love & Trust my Girlfriend, but I'm unsure about these New 'Friends' of hers as I don't know them & obviously, I don't like them being so close to my Girlfriend. Many times, I've discussed this matter with my Girlfriend, trying to make her understand how I feel. But every time, I bring up this Topic, she tries to invalidate my feelings & shuts me down saying that I'm just Insecure. I'd also tried getting to know her New Friends in order to understand them better, but she doesn't share much about them, with me. Though, she keeps Reassuring me that they're 'Just Friends' they seem to be much closer than that. On several occasions, she had gone out with them, even though I had strictly forbidden her to. I don't understand whether she's unable to understand how I'm feeling or that she doesn't even care about my Feelings, though I still want to continue Loving & Trusting her, without Doubting her Loyalty. I don't understand what to do in this situation. How can I make her enforce stricter Boundaries with her Male Colleagues (atleast as much as I am doing here)? Shall I get a Friend or a Private Investigator to keep an Eye on her? Or shall I behave the same way, she's been doing? Or, shall I Break-up with her & try to find someone else, over here?
Ans: Long-distance relationships require an even deeper level of communication and trust than regular ones. You’ve upheld the boundaries you both implicitly agreed upon, yet it feels like she’s not holding herself to the same standard. The fact that she dismisses your concerns rather than addressing them is what’s truly hurting you. When someone we love invalidates our feelings, it creates frustration, self-doubt, and emotional distance. You’re not being “insecure” for wanting reassurance and clarity—you’re simply asking for the same level of respect and commitment you’re offering.

Trying to enforce boundaries by “forbidding” her from doing something isn’t the right approach, because boundaries should be mutual, not dictated. The more you try to control her actions, the more she might rebel or shut down, seeing it as you being possessive rather than expressing a valid emotional need. The real problem is not that she has male friends, but that she’s being secretive about them, not making an effort to ease your concerns, and disregarding how her actions affect you. A loving and committed partner should care about your peace of mind, even if she doesn’t fully agree with your perspective.

Hiring a private investigator or getting a friend to spy on her will only erode trust further, and mirroring her behavior by doing the same thing she does will not solve anything—it will just create more distance. If you’re considering breaking up, that means deep down, you already feel like your needs in this relationship aren’t being met. Before making any big decisions, you need to have one last honest conversation with her—not one where you accuse or demand, but one where you make it clear how this dynamic is making you feel and what you truly need from her to feel secure and valued in the relationship.

If she refuses to listen, invalidates your feelings again, or shows no willingness to compromise, then you have your answer. A relationship where only one person is making sacrifices isn’t sustainable. You deserve a partner who not only reassures you with words but also with actions that show she respects and values your presence in her life. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway, then it may be time to ask yourself if holding on is worth the constant emotional struggle.

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Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2189 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2189 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Jan 29, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025Hindi
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