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What to invest 95 lacs in retirement? 45 YO with no liabilities, retiring soon.

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |753 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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I am a 45 year old IT professional with 30 lacs in PPF (maturing in March 2025), 30 lacs in EPF, 30 lacs in FD (mostly maturing in 1-2 years time), 10 lacs in NPS. Currently, I have no liabilities and no loans. I am staying in my own house. My monthly expenditure is around 50k and additionally, NPS requires 12.5k monthly investment. I am planning to retire in next 1-2 years. Pls suggest following: 1. Best way to invest above mentioned amount and 2. I have gold worth 25 lacs, so should I keep it with me or sell it and invest that money elsewhere. Thanks

Ans: Hello;

Your corpus as on today:

1. PPF: 0.3 Cr
2. EPF: 0.3 Cr
3. FD: 0.3 Cr
4. Gold: 0.25 Cr

Net Total: 1.15 Cr.
Manage to get 0.05 Cr(5 L) to make a lumpsum corpus of 1.2 Cr.

You may buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for your corpus which may yield you a monthly payout of around 60 K(pre-tax).

This will cover regular monthly expenses but hardly any surplus available for healthcare, life insurance premia, NPS contribution.

See if you can postpone retirement by 5-7 years.

If you do a monthly sip of @ 80 K (in hybrid mutual funds)for 7 years then you may accumulate another 1 Cr +NPS for your retirement kitty.

Best wishes;
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 15, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello, I am Avinash 40 year old IT professional and wishes to retire in next 5-10 years. I do have 38 lakh MF investments, I stay in own house on bangalore. I do not have any liabilities. I have 45 lakh worth EPS and 20 lakh worth PPF. Invested in NPS both tier 1 and 2 for 5 lakh each. I do have SGB worth 6 lakh. But I do have 50 lakh amount invested in FD. I want to invest some amount to invest to other asset class may be equity. I want to retire with corpus of 4 cr and my monthly expenditure in 50k. Pls guide.
Ans: Dear Avinash,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your financial details and retirement goals. It’s impressive that you have planned your finances well and have a clear vision for your future. Let’s analyze your current situation and chart a strategic path towards achieving your retirement corpus of Rs 4 crore, while also ensuring a smooth retirement with monthly expenses of Rs 50,000.

Understanding Your Current Financial Landscape
You have diversified your investments across various asset classes, which is commendable. Let's break down your current financial standing:

Mutual Funds: Rs 38 lakh
EPS: Rs 45 lakh
PPF: Rs 20 lakh
NPS: Rs 10 lakh (5 lakh each in Tier 1 and 2)
Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB): Rs 6 lakh
Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs 50 lakh
Your total current investments amount to Rs 169 lakh (1.69 crore). You have no liabilities, which is a strong position to be in.

Evaluating Your Investment Portfolio
Mutual Funds
Your Rs 38 lakh investment in mutual funds is a solid foundation. Given your retirement timeline of 5-10 years, it’s crucial to ensure your mutual funds are aligned with your risk tolerance and retirement goals. Active management of these funds can offer potential benefits over index funds. Actively managed funds, run by experienced fund managers, can adapt to market conditions and potentially outperform benchmarks. This flexibility can be advantageous in achieving higher returns, essential for meeting your retirement target.

EPS and PPF
Your EPS of Rs 45 lakh and PPF of Rs 20 lakh are stable, low-risk investments providing security and tax benefits. However, they may not offer the high returns needed to reach your Rs 4 crore goal. The PPF, with its assured returns and tax benefits, should continue to be part of your portfolio, but relying solely on these for growth could be limiting.

NPS
The NPS is another excellent retirement tool, offering a mix of equity and debt exposure. Given your contributions, it’s vital to ensure that the asset allocation within your NPS is optimal. Typically, the equity portion of NPS can offer higher returns compared to its debt counterpart, but it's essential to balance it according to your risk tolerance.

Sovereign Gold Bonds
Your Rs 6 lakh investment in SGBs is a good hedge against inflation and market volatility. However, gold typically offers moderate returns compared to equities and should be a part of a diversified portfolio rather than a core growth driver.

Fixed Deposits
You have Rs 50 lakh in fixed deposits, which are safe but offer lower returns compared to other investment avenues like equities or actively managed mutual funds. To achieve your retirement goal, it might be beneficial to redirect a portion of these funds into higher-yielding investments.

Strategic Recommendations for Achieving Rs 4 Crore
Diversify into Equity Mutual Funds
Given your Rs 50 lakh in FDs, consider reallocating a significant portion to equity mutual funds. Equity mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, have the potential to provide higher returns over the long term. While FDs offer safety, the low returns may not suffice to reach your Rs 4 crore target. Actively managed equity mutual funds, with professional fund managers, can navigate market complexities better and aim for higher growth.

Optimize Your NPS Allocation
Review and possibly adjust your NPS Tier 1 and Tier 2 allocations to ensure a higher equity component. This can enhance the growth potential of your NPS contributions. Given the tax benefits and long-term growth prospects of NPS, a higher equity allocation can significantly impact your retirement corpus positively.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Periodic review and rebalancing of your portfolio are essential. Market conditions change, and so should your investment strategy. By regularly assessing your portfolio, you can ensure it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. This proactive approach can help in mitigating risks and capitalizing on growth opportunities.

Consider Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity mutual funds can be an excellent way to enter the market gradually, reducing the impact of market volatility. With Rs 50 lakh in FDs, you can systematically transfer a portion into SIPs. This disciplined approach can harness the power of compounding and rupee cost averaging, enhancing your portfolio’s growth potential.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Ensure that a part of your FDs or a separate liquid fund acts as an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least 6-12 months of your monthly expenses. Having a robust emergency fund ensures that you do not have to dip into your retirement corpus for unexpected expenses, maintaining the integrity of your long-term financial plans.

Addressing Potential Concerns and Misconceptions
Disadvantages of Index Funds
While index funds are often lauded for their low costs and simplicity, they lack the flexibility of actively managed funds. Index funds are designed to match market returns, not exceed them. In a volatile market, actively managed funds have the advantage of making strategic moves to potentially outperform the index. Therefore, in your case, actively managed equity funds might be a better choice to achieve your ambitious retirement goal.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct mutual funds, while having lower expense ratios, require a good understanding of the market and regular monitoring. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide professional expertise and guidance. A CFP can help in selecting the right funds, regular monitoring, and making necessary adjustments based on market conditions and your changing financial goals. The added value of professional advice often outweighs the cost difference between direct and regular funds.

Ensuring a Comfortable Retirement
Monthly Withdrawal Strategy
Post-retirement, it’s crucial to have a systematic withdrawal strategy to manage your Rs 50,000 monthly expenses without depleting your corpus prematurely. An SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) in mutual funds can provide a regular income stream while keeping your corpus invested and growing. This strategy can ensure a steady cash flow while your investments continue to appreciate.

Inflation and Tax Considerations
Your retirement plan should factor in inflation and taxes. The Rs 50,000 monthly expense today will increase over time due to inflation. Therefore, your investments should grow at a rate higher than inflation. Additionally, tax-efficient investment strategies can help in maximizing your returns. For instance, long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds are taxed favorably compared to interest income from FDs.

Healthcare and Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage. Medical expenses can significantly impact your retirement corpus. A comprehensive health insurance policy can safeguard your investments. Additionally, if you hold any investment-cum-insurance policies like LIC or ULIPs, consider surrendering them and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds. These policies often offer lower returns and higher costs compared to pure investment options.

Final Insights
Achieving your goal of a Rs 4 crore retirement corpus is ambitious yet achievable with strategic planning and disciplined investing. By diversifying your portfolio into actively managed equity mutual funds, optimizing your NPS allocation, and systematically transferring funds from low-yield FDs, you can enhance your portfolio's growth potential. Regular reviews and professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner can further align your investments with your retirement goals.

Remember, retirement planning is not just about accumulating a corpus but also ensuring a steady, inflation-adjusted income post-retirement. By following a strategic approach and making informed decisions, you can look forward to a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 39 years old IT employee , I have monthly income of 3.5 lakhs and have a 10 years old son and wife .I have 35 lakhs in PF and 8 lakhs in ppf ,All I invested is in real estate and no other investments also i have 48 lakhs lakh an remaining for a house ,Where should I invest of I need to lan retirement by 50 will need 1.5 lakhs income per month post that
Ans: Retiring by age 50 with a steady monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakhs is a significant goal. Given your current assets, it's crucial to strategically plan your investments to achieve this target. You have a strong base, and with careful planning, you can reach your retirement goals.

Assessing Current Financial Situation
You have a solid monthly income of Rs. 3.5 lakhs. This is a good start.

You have Rs. 35 lakhs in your Provident Fund (PF) and Rs. 8 lakhs in your Public Provident Fund (PPF). These are excellent long-term savings.

You have invested Rs. 48 lakhs in real estate. However, real estate alone may not be enough for retirement. Diversifying your portfolio is crucial.

Understanding the Importance of Diversification
Diversification is key to minimizing risk and maximizing returns. Currently, your investments are concentrated in real estate. You should consider diversifying into different asset classes.

Building a Balanced Investment Portfolio
1. Equity Mutual Funds:

Equity mutual funds can provide high returns over the long term. They are suitable for your retirement goal, which is more than a decade away.

Consider allocating a portion of your funds to diversified equity mutual funds. These funds invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, providing a balanced exposure to the equity market.

2. Debt Mutual Funds:

Debt mutual funds are less risky compared to equity funds. They provide stable returns and can be used to balance the risk in your portfolio.

Investing in debt funds will ensure that a portion of your investments remains safe, while still earning moderate returns.

3. Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Your current PPF investment is Rs. 8 lakhs. Continue contributing to PPF as it offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns. It’s a safe investment for long-term financial goals.

4. Provident Fund (PF):

With Rs. 35 lakhs in PF, you already have a significant amount saved. Ensure you continue contributing to this fund, as it provides a reliable source of retirement income.

Exploring the Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, run by experienced fund managers, can potentially outperform the market. These funds require active monitoring and adjustment, which can lead to better returns compared to passive index funds.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Index funds follow the market index, and they do not aim to outperform it. This means during market downturns, index funds will also suffer. They lack the flexibility to adjust holdings based on market conditions.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds:

Actively managed funds have the potential to generate higher returns. Fund managers can make strategic decisions based on market trends and economic conditions. They can also provide a more tailored investment approach.

Considering the Role of Certified Financial Planners
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can offer several advantages. They provide personalized advice and help create a financial plan tailored to your goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Investing directly without professional guidance can be risky. You might miss out on strategic opportunities and fail to manage risk effectively. A CFP can help optimize your investment strategy.

Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP:

Investing through regular funds with the help of a CFP ensures you receive expert advice. They can help you navigate market complexities and make informed decisions. This professional guidance can lead to better financial outcomes.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
To achieve your retirement goal of Rs. 1.5 lakhs monthly income post-retirement, you need to build a substantial corpus. Given your current assets and income, a disciplined investment approach is essential.

1. Setting Clear Goals:

Define how much you need at retirement. This will help you understand how much to save and invest each month.

2. Regular Investments:

Invest regularly in mutual funds through Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs). SIPs help in averaging out market volatility and build a corpus over time.

3. Reviewing and Rebalancing:

Regularly review your investment portfolio. Rebalance it to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. This involves shifting funds between asset classes based on market performance and your investment horizon.

Importance of Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This fund should cover at least six months' worth of expenses. It ensures you don't have to dip into your long-term investments in case of emergencies.

Managing Insurance Needs
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. Life insurance protects your family in case of any unfortunate event. Health insurance covers medical expenses, preventing financial strain.

Planning for Your Child's Future
Your 10-year-old son's education and future needs should also be planned for. Consider investing in child-specific mutual funds or creating a dedicated investment plan for his higher education and other needs.

Evaluating Current Investments
Real Estate:

While real estate can provide good returns, it's not very liquid. Consider the rental income potential and capital appreciation of your property.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF):

These are secure investments with tax benefits. Continue contributing to these funds for long-term stability.

Achieving Financial Independence
To achieve financial independence by 50, you need a comprehensive financial plan. This involves:

1. Increasing Savings:

Try to save and invest a significant portion of your income. Aim to save at least 30-40% of your monthly income.

2. Reducing Debt:

Avoid taking on new debt. Pay off any existing loans to reduce financial burden.

3. Enhancing Income:

Explore ways to increase your income. This could be through promotions, bonuses, or side gigs.

Final Insights
Reaching your retirement goal by 50 is achievable with disciplined planning and strategic investments. Diversify your portfolio, invest in equity and debt mutual funds, and continue contributing to PF and PPF. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investments and ensure a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 27, 2024

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Hi sir, My age is 50 . I have around 35 lacs in Mutual funds and in stocks approx at 50:50 ratio . My stocks are not appreciating well as compared to mutual funds . As I am not able to keep myself updated in stocks as having my busy schedule from 9:00am to 8:00pm. Besides this I have a saving of 30 lacs in PF and PPF . Besides this I had some savings in postal fixed deposit which is going to be matured in next 4 months and the matured amount is around 60 lacs . I wanted to invest this amount in some mutual funds or with some savings instrument having an appreciation of approx 13-15 % .Pls guide me how should I invest this fund ? If you suggest for mutual fund , then pls suggest the fund types , and should I invest in lumpsum or SIP. If I am going for SIP. , then in how many months or weeks should I invest this total fD matured amount ? I am at present working in a private company with a monthly in-hand salary of 1.5 lacs .and I have no liability for next 8-9 years .
Ans: Current Financial Situation
At age 50, you have Rs. 35 lakhs in mutual funds and stocks, split evenly. Your stocks are not performing well. Your busy schedule from 9:00 am to 8:00 pm makes it hard to manage your stocks.

You also have Rs. 30 lakhs in PF and PPF, and Rs. 60 lakhs in a postal fixed deposit maturing in four months.

Your monthly in-hand salary is Rs. 1.5 lakhs, and you have no liabilities for the next 8-9 years.

Investment Goals
You aim to invest the Rs. 60 lakhs maturing from the fixed deposit. You seek an appreciation of 13-15% per annum.

Assessment of Current Strategy
Mutual Funds vs. Stocks
Your mutual funds are performing better than your stocks. Mutual funds are managed by professionals, offering better returns for those with limited time.

Existing Investments
Your PF and PPF provide stability and tax benefits. These are good for long-term security but offer lower returns compared to equity investments.

Recommendations for Improvement
Increase Mutual Fund Investments
Given your busy schedule, mutual funds are a better option than direct stocks. They are professionally managed and require less personal attention.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds: These funds have the potential for higher returns, aligning with your goal of 13-15% appreciation.
Actively Managed Funds: These funds can outperform index funds due to active management by professionals.
Investment Strategy
SIP vs. Lumpsum: Investing in mutual funds via SIPs helps mitigate market volatility. It averages the purchase cost over time.
Investment Period: Consider spreading the Rs. 60 lakhs investment over 12-18 months through SIPs. This approach reduces the risk of market timing.
Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversification: Invest in different types of equity mutual funds. This includes large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Diversification reduces risk and can provide better returns.
Review and Adjust Regularly
Portfolio Review: Regularly review your investments. Adjust your portfolio based on performance and changes in your financial goals.
Consult a CFP: A Certified Financial Planner can help tailor your investment strategy to meet your specific goals and risk tolerance.
Final Insights
Your current investment strategy is good but can be improved. Shift your focus from direct stocks to mutual funds for better management and returns.

Invest the Rs. 60 lakhs from the maturing fixed deposit in equity mutual funds through SIPs over 12-18 months. This approach will help you achieve your target returns while reducing risk.

Ensure regular reviews and adjustments to your portfolio. Diversify your investments to manage risk effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Nitin

Nitin Narkhede  |36 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 04, 2024Hindi
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I am a 45 year old IT professional with following saving/investment as of now: 30 lacs: EPF 30 lacs: PPF 30 lacs: FD 10 lacs: NPS NOTE: 1. I have monthly expenditure of 50k 2. Additionally, NPS requires 12k monthly investment 3. No liabilities and no loan 4. Staying in own house. Queries: 1. I am planning to retire in next 1-2 years. Pls suggest best way to invest above money. 2. Also, I have gold of worth 25 lacs, so should I keep that with me or instead sell it now and invest money elsewhere?
Ans: Dear Friend,
At 45, retiring at 2 years is 47, with an expense of 50K per month plus 12K per month NPS needs 62K per month. Considering a life expectancy of 77, you need funds for the next 30 years. Not considering medical or any other emergency expenses, you also need 2.25 cr in expenses in the next 30 years. Hence, you can consider rearranging the finances as below.
PPF (?30 Lakhs Total): Continue these as they offer tax-free, secure returns. During retirement, you can withdraw in tranches to maintain liquidity. Keep it as you find financial security; do not touch it, and let it grow.
As you declare retirement at 47, you have EPF (?30 Lakhs Total) and Fixed Deposit (?30 Lakhs). You can withdraw this amount and invest it in Balanced or index MF funds, which offer yearly 12% to 14% average returns. You can also start SWP from this.
NPS is a good retirement investment, but there are many restrictions on premature withdrawals. If you retire at 47, you will not get a withdrawal until age 60 for 60% of the amount, and the balance 40% will be converted to pension after age 60. You can withdraw 60% of the amount from the balance 6 years older for premature withdrawal. If your finances permit, continue investing after retirement.
Gold can be a good hedge against inflation. Gold returns an average of 8 to 10% return on an average. However, if you don't have an emotional attachment or strategic reason to hold it, consider selling and reinvesting in diversified assets like balanced mutual funds or a senior citizen savings scheme for higher returns.
Overall, at 47, you need about 1 cr in your MF for expenses after retirement with 50K PM.
With the amount you have mentioned, you can live a decent life without any frills. My suggestion is that you increase your corpus to fulfill all your life's needs other than your monthly expenses.
Regards,
Nitin Narkhede
Founder & MD, Prosperity Lifestyle Hub https://Nitinnarkhede.com
Free Webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?
Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
I am in my late 60s but still very fit and healthy whereas my wife has lost all the interest in physical intimacy. This has resulted me finding outlet outside my marriage in women half of my age. My girlfriend is a dentist and I am an epidemiologist. She insists that I leave my wife and move with her and eventually we would marry then. She thinks that there is no point in living in a relationship where we have lost interest in each other and are hardly getting physically intimate. Would appreciate your expert advice on this and whether I should continue this way or leave my wife for over 45 years and move with my girlfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We both love each other physically, mentally and intellectually. Thank you.
Ans: After 45 years of marriage, your relationship with your wife is likely built on more than just physical intimacy. A bond of that length often includes shared history, companionship, and mutual support. It’s understandable that the absence of physical intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled, but it’s also important to recognize that intimacy in a long-term marriage often evolves beyond physicality into emotional connection and companionship. Ask yourself what your marriage still brings to your life beyond the physical. Are there aspects of your relationship with your wife that you still value and cherish?

Your relationship with your girlfriend seems to fulfill needs that are unmet in your marriage—passion, intellectual connection, and emotional closeness. It’s natural to feel drawn to that, especially when you both feel aligned in multiple dimensions. However, leaving a marriage of such longevity and depth is a monumental decision, not just for you but also for your wife, family, and even your girlfriend. It's important to reflect on the potential consequences of this choice—not just how it could impact your own life, but the ripple effects it may have on others involved.

Before making a decision, consider engaging in open, honest communication with your wife. Share your feelings—not as blame but as a vulnerable expression of what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, long-standing relationships fall into patterns of distance because both partners have stopped discussing their needs openly. If she is willing, exploring counseling together could help both of you understand where you stand and whether there’s a path to rekindling connection, even if it’s not physical intimacy.

With your girlfriend, reflect on what she means to you and what you envision for a shared future. Love and compatibility are powerful forces, but they must be weighed against the potential impact of disrupting your current life. Ensure that this relationship is based on mutual respect and shared values beyond just passion, as relationships outside of marriage can sometimes magnify only the fulfilling aspects while masking potential challenges.

Ultimately, this is about what aligns with your deeper sense of self and integrity. Consider what will allow you to look back on this chapter of your life with peace and not regret. Balancing personal happiness with respect for the commitments you’ve made over the years is not easy, but taking the time to reflect deeply will help you arrive at a decision you can stand by. Whatever choice you make, do so with honesty, compassion, and a clear understanding of its implications.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I face rejection or criticism, I take it very personally and find it hard to bounce back. It affects not just my relationships but also my career. How can I fix this? And trust people who really mean well?
Ans: When we take rejection or criticism personally, it’s often because we tie our self-worth to external validation. Someone’s approval or opinion can start to feel like a measure of who we are, but it’s not. No one moment, person, or comment defines you. Start by reminding yourself that rejection or criticism, as painful as it may be, is not a reflection of your entire being—it’s just one perspective or one moment in time.

Learning to trust people who mean well begins with trusting yourself. When you believe in your own worth, you’ll find it easier to separate genuine feedback from unkind criticism. Practice asking yourself, “Is this coming from someone who truly cares about me, or is this more about their perspective or mood?” When feedback feels harsh, take a step back and evaluate its intent and validity. Not all criticism is meant to hurt; some can help you grow, but you don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.

Building resilience starts with how you treat yourself in those low moments. Instead of replaying the rejection or criticism in your mind, focus on self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend—gently, with kindness and encouragement. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they might feel in that moment.

It’s also helpful to put things into perspective. Rejection or criticism often feels larger than it is because we let it define us in that instant. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting from a place of hurt to a place of curiosity can ease the sting and help you move forward.

Finally, trust isn’t built overnight, either with yourself or others. Start by observing the patterns of those who support you consistently. Over time, you’ll learn who truly has your back, and you’ll feel more confident in letting their words and actions hold weight in your life.

This is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and by practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and leaning on those who show genuine care, you’ll gradually strengthen your resilience and ability to trust. You’re already taking the first step, and that’s worth celebrating.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
Hello Ma'am. I am unwilling to disclose my name. I come from a nuclear family based in Kolkata. I am in a very painful situation and I need your suggestion earnestly. The problem arises with my father. He is 66 , retired and a stay at home dad. He has severe anger issues, is demanding and controlling and often tells certain things verbally that are very traumatic for me. My hands and legs tremble and my heart beats rapidly when ever we have an argument as I am a peace loving person. Of late I have realised that I prefer to maintain distance from him . In all honesty I respect him but my love for him has long gone. My mother is a very demure person and is a stay at home mom. In order to not make my father angry or agitated by any means and to maintain peace in the house, she prefers to do what he prefers. I love my mother dearly but my father calls us a bunch of liars and is agitated that I support my mother. Even though I earn, I am in no position to leave my family/ house and shift elsewhere because I respect my mother's will. But I am traumatized and severely in mental agony. I can neither show my anguish nor express my situation to anyone for fear of being misunderstood. I am often asked to remain silent and not talk back to my father but sometimes the words are unbearable. He financially supports our family and you wouldn't believe if I told you that he has a completely different side when he is not in one of his' moods '. But Ma'am, does being the head of the family means to step over others and do what you feel like, irrespective of what the other members in your family feel? Additionally talking or communication with him also fails because he threatens to leave the house or just pushes us away. Even when I am writing this tears are streaming down my face. I am slowly becoming a shell of myself and am scared. Am I being selfish? Am I missing out something? I am so so tired of adjusting and compromising. I believe I have never ever written such a heart felt message. Can you help me out? Can you tell me how things can be resolved? Regards MR
Ans: From what you’ve shared, your father seems to be wrestling with his own frustrations, using control and anger as tools to manage his environment. This does not make it right, nor does it excuse the pain he causes. But understanding that his behavior may stem from internal struggles might help you view the situation with some compassion, even if from a distance.

Your love and respect for your mother shine through your words, and it’s clear that her well-being is a priority for you. The way you support her is a testament to your strength and kindness. But I also sense that her coping mechanism—complying with your father to maintain peace—might unintentionally place an additional burden on you. It’s as though you’re not only protecting yourself but also shielding her, which is an immense responsibility.

You are not alone in feeling conflicted about standing up to your father. It’s not just about his words; it’s about the power dynamics and the emotional weight he holds in the family. His “other side”—the moments when he is kind or approachable—makes it even harder to reconcile the anger and trauma he causes. This duality often creates confusion and guilt, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting or misjudging him.

What’s most important right now is preserving your emotional well-being. It’s okay to create boundaries, even if they are small and subtle. For instance, when you sense an argument brewing, stepping away or finding a reason to leave the room can help you avoid escalating the situation. If direct communication with him fails, sometimes maintaining emotional distance is the only way to protect yourself.

I also encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to—a counselor, a friend, or even a support group. Sharing your pain with someone who can listen without judgment can lighten your load and help you feel less alone. Writing, as you’ve done here, is also a powerful outlet. Keep journaling—it can provide clarity and a sense of release.

You’ve asked if being the head of the family means stepping over others. The simple answer is no. True leadership in a family should come from love, mutual respect, and understanding. When it turns into control or fear, it becomes harmful. Your father’s actions do not reflect a failure on your part or your family’s; they reflect his own struggles with how to express himself and manage his emotions.

Finally, give yourself permission to feel tired. You are human, and this constant state of tension would drain anyone. But even in your exhaustion, remember this: you are brave, resilient, and full of love for your family. There is no shame in wanting peace, and there is no shame in seeking help to find it.

With heartfelt wishes for your healing and happiness,

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Money
My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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