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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
rupam Question by rupam on May 30, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi. I am 44 years old and my wife is 43. Me and my wife both are teachers by profession. My salary is 50k and and my wife 40k. I give extra coaching to students to earn more. At present my family assets are- I have 9 lakhs in EPF, 17 lakhs in PPF in 13 years (will invest 17 more years), My wife also possess 6 lakhs in PPF in 5 years (will invest 17 more years), I have 20 lakhs in Pension Plan with 10 years deferment period, 33 laks in FD, 10 lakhs in KVP, 15 lakhs and 4 lakhs in PMVVY, 15 lakhs in SCSS, 7 lakhs in LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan, LIC insurance plan of 15000 Annually, Health Insurance of 10 lacs and extra top up for family, 5000 in NPS/ PM, investment in APY, SIP of 16000/ PM, My wife invests 7000 in NPS/ PM. I have a multi stored apartment to live, a scooty and a bike and a car. I have 16 years left and my wife has 17 left to be 60 years. Plz suggest can we both safely retire at 60 with all these assets. Also keep in mind our future investments in the period left. Rupam Roy Tripura

Ans: Hello Rupam Roy,

Thank you for sharing such detailed information about your financial status. I understand the importance of planning for a secure retirement. Based on the information you provided, let's dive into an in-depth analysis and assessment of your financial situation. I aim to ensure you and your wife can safely retire at 60 with peace of mind.

Current Financial Overview
You and your wife are both teachers, earning Rs 50,000 and Rs 40,000 respectively. Additionally, you earn extra income through coaching. You have a multi-storied apartment to live in, a scooty, a bike, and a car. Your family assets are as follows:

EPF: Rs 9 lakhs
PPF: Rs 17 lakhs (13 years invested, 17 years remaining)
Wife's PPF: Rs 6 lakhs (5 years invested, 17 years remaining)
Pension Plan: Rs 20 lakhs (10 years deferment)
Fixed Deposits: Rs 33 lakhs
KVP: Rs 10 lakhs
PMVVY: Rs 15 lakhs and Rs 4 lakhs
SCSS: Rs 15 lakhs
LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan: Rs 7 lakhs
LIC Insurance Plan: Rs 15,000 annually
Health Insurance: Rs 10 lakhs with a family top-up
NPS: Rs 5,000 monthly
Wife's NPS: Rs 7,000 monthly
SIP: Rs 16,000 monthly
Retirement Goals and Planning
Compliments and Empathy
First of all, congratulations on having a well-diversified portfolio. It's evident that you have made thoughtful investments to secure your family's future. Planning for retirement can be daunting, but with your disciplined savings and investments, you are on the right path.

Assessment of Current Investments
Provident Funds (EPF and PPF)
Your combined PPF investments (Rs 17 lakhs and Rs 6 lakhs) will continue to grow over the next 17 years. PPF is a reliable and safe investment with tax benefits, making it a strong pillar of your retirement corpus.

Pension Plan
The Rs 20 lakhs in your pension plan with a 10-year deferment period will provide a steady income stream during retirement. This plan is beneficial for financial security post-retirement.

Fixed Deposits (FDs) and KVP
Your FDs worth Rs 33 lakhs and KVP worth Rs 10 lakhs offer safety but may not beat inflation. Diversifying into higher-yielding instruments while maintaining some in these secure options is advisable.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) and PMVVY
SCSS and PMVVY are excellent choices for steady post-retirement income, given their safety and regular payouts. These are good investments for your retirement phase.

LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan and LIC Insurance
While the LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan provides immediate annuity, it's essential to evaluate its returns against other options. The LIC insurance plan's Rs 15,000 annual premium is a sound investment for life coverage.

Health Insurance
Having Rs 10 lakhs in health insurance with a top-up is commendable. It ensures your medical expenses are covered, providing peace of mind.

National Pension System (NPS)
Your monthly contributions to NPS (Rs 5,000) and your wife's (Rs 7,000) are excellent for building a substantial retirement corpus. NPS offers tax benefits and market-linked growth.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A monthly SIP of Rs 16,000 is a great way to invest in mutual funds, which offer the potential for higher returns through equity exposure.

Future Investments and Strategy
Evaluating Mutual Funds
Categories of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds come in various categories: equity, debt, hybrid, and more. Each serves different investment goals and risk appetites.

Equity Mutual Funds: Invest in stocks, offering high returns but with higher risk.
Debt Mutual Funds: Invest in bonds, providing stable returns with lower risk.
Hybrid Funds: Combine equity and debt for balanced returns and risk.
Power of Compounding
Mutual funds benefit from the power of compounding, where your returns generate further returns over time. This can significantly grow your corpus over 17 years.

Advantages and Risks
Mutual funds offer diversification, professional management, and liquidity. However, they carry market risk, and it's essential to choose funds based on your risk tolerance and goals.

SIP Strategy
Continue your Rs 16,000 monthly SIPs. SIPs help in rupee cost averaging and mitigate market volatility. Consider investing in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds for diversification.

Additional Investments
Enhancing NPS Contributions
Increasing your NPS contributions can further boost your retirement corpus. NPS offers flexibility in asset allocation and the potential for higher returns.

Reviewing Insurance
Evaluate your LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan and other policies. If returns are lower compared to mutual funds, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Emergency Fund
Maintain a sufficient emergency fund in a liquid instrument like a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund. This ensures you can handle unexpected expenses without disrupting your investment strategy.

Diversification and Risk Management
Asset Allocation
Maintain a balanced asset allocation between equity, debt, and other instruments. This reduces risk and ensures steady growth.

Regular Reviews
Review your portfolio annually with a Certified Financial Planner. Adjust based on life changes, market conditions, and financial goals.

Final Insights
You and your wife have made commendable progress towards securing your financial future. With disciplined investments, continued savings, and strategic adjustments, you can achieve a comfortable retirement at 60. Focus on diversification, regular reviews, and leveraging mutual funds for higher growth potential.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2024

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Hi. I am 44 years old and my wife is 43. We have one son in class 8. Me and my wife both are teachers by profession. My salary is 50k and and my wife 40k. I give extra coaching to students to earn more. At present my family assets are- I have 9 lakhs in EPF, 17 lakhs in PPF in 13 years (will invest 17 more years), My wife also possess 6 lakhs in PPF in 5 years (will invest 17 more years), I have 20 lakhs in Pension Plan with 10 years deferment period, 33 laks in FD, 10 lakhs in KVP, 15 lakhs and 4 lakhs in PMVVY, 15 lakhs in SCSS, 7 lakhs in LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan, LIC insurance plan of 15000 Annually, Health Insurance of 10 lacs and extra top up for family, 5000 in NPS/ PM, investment in APY, SIP of 16000/ PM, My wife invests 7000 in NPS/ PM. I have a multi stored apartment to live, a scooty and a bike and a car. I have 16 years left and my wife has 17 years left to be 60 years. Plz suggest can we both safely retire at 60 with all these assets. Also keep in mind our future investments in the period left. Rupam Roy Tripura
Ans: You and your wife have done an admirable job planning for retirement. Given your combined salaries and investments, you are on a solid path. However, there are ways to optimize your portfolio to ensure a comfortable retirement. One key strategy involves reassessing your LIC insurance plan and considering reinvesting in mutual funds.

Understanding Your Current Financial Position
Your current assets are diverse, reflecting a strong commitment to securing your future. Here is a breakdown of your assets:

9 lakhs in EPF

17 lakhs in PPF (you)

6 lakhs in PPF (wife)

20 lakhs in Pension Plan

33 lakhs in Fixed Deposits (FD)

10 lakhs in KVP

15 lakhs and 4 lakhs in PMVVY

15 lakhs in SCSS

7 lakhs in LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan

LIC insurance plan (Rs 15,000 annually)

Health Insurance (Rs 10 lakhs with extra top-up)

Rs 5,000 in NPS/PM

SIP of Rs 16,000/month

Wife’s SIP of Rs 7,000/month

Your Home and Vehicles
You own a multi-storied apartment, a scooty, a bike, and a car. These are important non-liquid assets.

Assessing Your Retirement Goals
Retirement planning involves evaluating your current assets, future income streams, and potential expenses. You aim to retire at 60, giving you 16-17 years to invest and grow your wealth.

Calculating Future Needs
Consider future expenses like your son's education and potential health care costs. Calculate how much you need for a comfortable retirement, factoring in inflation and lifestyle changes.

Optimizing Your Investments
Your current investment portfolio is diversified. However, optimizing certain aspects can enhance returns and reduce risks.

EPF and PPF
Your EPF and PPF are excellent long-term investments. They provide safety and steady returns. Continue maximizing your contributions.

Fixed Deposits and KVP
FDs and KVP offer security but relatively low returns. Diversifying some of these funds into higher-return investments might be beneficial.

Pension Plans
Your pension plans are critical for post-retirement income. Ensure they align with your retirement goals and adjust if necessary.

Health Insurance
Health insurance is crucial. Your coverage seems adequate, but review it periodically to ensure it meets your needs.

Evaluating LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan
LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan is a traditional insurance policy. While it offers guaranteed returns, it may not provide the best growth potential compared to other investments.

Disadvantages of LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan
Low returns compared to mutual funds

Lock-in period reducing liquidity

Limited flexibility in fund management

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds, especially actively managed ones, can offer higher returns. They provide flexibility, diversification, and professional management.

Reinvesting in Mutual Funds
Consider surrendering your LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan and reinvesting in mutual funds. This can potentially enhance your returns and offer more flexibility.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Higher potential returns

Professional management

Flexibility to switch between funds

Diversification across asset classes

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Investing in direct mutual funds without guidance can be risky. A Certified Financial Planner can help navigate these risks and maximize returns.

Benefits of Investing Through a Certified Financial Planner
Expert advice on fund selection

Regular portfolio reviews

Adjustments based on market conditions

Continuing SIPs
Your current SIPs of Rs 16,000 and Rs 7,000 are excellent. Continue these to benefit from rupee cost averaging and compound interest.

Additional Investment Strategies
Consider diversifying further into equities and balanced funds. These can offer higher returns over the long term.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds can provide high returns by investing in stocks. They are suitable for long-term growth.

Balanced Funds
Balanced funds offer a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return. They provide stability and growth potential.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Adjust investments based on performance and changing needs.

Annual Reviews
Conduct annual reviews with your Certified Financial Planner. This ensures your investments are on track and adjustments are made timely.

Planning for Your Son’s Education
Allocate a portion of your investments specifically for your son's education. Education costs can be significant, and planning early ensures you are prepared.

Education Savings Plan
Consider an education savings plan. This can offer tax benefits and ensure funds are available when needed.

Managing Debt
Ensure you manage any debt effectively. Paying off high-interest debt early can save money in the long run.

Reducing Liabilities
Focus on reducing liabilities as you approach retirement. This ensures more of your income is available for living expenses.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This provides financial security and peace of mind.

Ideal Emergency Fund Size
Aim for 6-12 months’ worth of expenses in your emergency fund. This ensures you are prepared for any financial surprises.

Conclusion
You and your wife are on a solid path to a comfortable retirement. By reassessing your LIC Jeevan Akshay Plan and considering reinvestment in mutual funds, you can optimize your portfolio for higher returns. Continue your disciplined savings and investment approach, and regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures your investments align with your goals and adapts to changing market conditions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Money
I’m divya!!my age is29 I earn around 99000 per month ,my husband age is 37 and he is earning around 135000 per month, we have the housing loan of 18 lakhs and we have 2 lakks in stocks ! We want to retire at the age of 50 of my husband with 15 crore !tell us ur opinion
Ans: Hello Divya!

It's great that you're thinking ahead about retirement. Planning for your future is essential, especially if you want to retire at 50. Let's dive into your financial situation and goals to create a comprehensive plan.

Understanding Your Current Financial Status
First, let's summarize your current financial situation:

You earn Rs 99,000 per month.
Your husband earns Rs 1,35,000 per month.
You have a housing loan of Rs 18 lakhs.
You have Rs 2 lakhs invested in stocks.
Together, your household income is Rs 2,34,000 per month, which is a strong financial foundation. You aim to accumulate Rs 15 crores by the time your husband reaches 50, which gives you about 13 years to achieve this goal.

Evaluating Your Financial Goals
Retiring with Rs 15 crores is a significant and ambitious goal. It's important to understand the purpose behind this number. Is it to maintain a certain lifestyle? Ensure long-term financial security? Or perhaps to leave a legacy for your children? Clarifying these aspects will help shape your investment strategy.

Income and Expense Analysis
With your combined monthly income of Rs 2,34,000, it's essential to track your expenses.

Housing loan EMI
Household expenses
Savings and investments
Emergency funds
Discretionary spending
Creating a detailed budget will help identify areas where you can save more and invest wisely. Aim to save and invest at least 30-40% of your monthly income.

The Importance of Diversified Investments
Diversification is key to managing risks and maximizing returns. You currently have Rs 2 lakhs in stocks, which is a good start. However, relying solely on stocks can be risky. Here are some options to consider:

1. Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are a great way to diversify. They are managed by professionals and offer exposure to various sectors. Actively managed funds, in particular, have the potential for higher returns compared to index funds, which simply track the market. An experienced fund manager can make strategic decisions to outperform the market.

2. Debt Instruments

Include debt instruments in your portfolio to balance risk. Fixed deposits, bonds, and government schemes offer stable returns and lower risk compared to equities. This ensures a steady income stream during volatile market conditions.

3. Equity Funds

Equity mutual funds can provide high returns over the long term. These funds invest in a diversified portfolio of stocks, offering the potential for capital appreciation. Choose funds with a good track record and managed by reputable fund managers.

4. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Investing in mutual funds through SIP is a disciplined way to build wealth over time. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, averaging out the purchase cost and reducing the impact of market volatility.

Debt Management
Your housing loan of Rs 18 lakhs needs to be managed efficiently. Paying off high-interest debt should be a priority, but since home loans typically have lower interest rates and offer tax benefits, you can balance between paying off the loan and investing. Ensure you’re not over-leveraged and keep your debt-to-income ratio healthy.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It acts as a financial safety net for unexpected expenses. Ideally, it should cover 6-12 months of living expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, so consider keeping it in a high-interest savings account or liquid fund.

Insurance Planning
Adequate insurance coverage is vital to protect your family's financial future. Ensure you have sufficient life insurance and health insurance. Avoid mixing insurance with investment. Traditional policies like endowment or ULIPs often offer lower returns compared to pure investment products. Focus on term insurance for life cover and invest the rest in mutual funds.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can save you a substantial amount of money. Utilize tax-saving instruments like ELSS mutual funds, PPF, and NPS. These not only help in reducing your taxable income but also contribute to your long-term wealth accumulation.

Regular Portfolio Review
Your investment portfolio should be reviewed regularly. This ensures your investments are aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time, and your investment strategy should adapt accordingly.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
Achieving a retirement corpus of Rs 15 crores requires a strategic approach. Without getting into specific calculations, consider these factors:

Expected Returns: Historically, equity investments have provided higher returns compared to other asset classes. Aim for a balanced portfolio that can offer around 10-12% annual returns.
Inflation: Factor in inflation, which erodes the purchasing power of your money over time. A 6-7% inflation rate should be considered in your calculations.
Savings Rate: Increase your savings rate as your income grows. Bonuses, increments, and windfalls should be directed towards your retirement fund.
Investing Through Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can guide you in creating a personalized investment strategy. Investing through regular funds with the help of an MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor) who has CFP credentials ensures professional management. This approach is beneficial over direct funds, where you might miss out on expert advice.

Risk Management
Understand your risk tolerance. Equities are volatile but can offer high returns. Debt instruments are stable but offer lower returns. A balanced portfolio considers both risk and return, ensuring your investment journey is smooth and less stressful.

Achieving Financial Independence
Retiring at 50 means planning for a longer retirement period. Ensure your investments are sustainable and can provide a steady income post-retirement. Consider the following:

Annuities: Not recommended due to their low returns and inflexibility.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): This allows you to withdraw a fixed amount from your mutual fund investments regularly, ensuring a steady income.
Building Wealth with Consistency
Consistency is the key to building wealth. Regular investments, disciplined saving habits, and prudent financial decisions will help you achieve your retirement goal. Avoid the temptation of quick-rich schemes and stick to your long-term plan.

Final Insights
Retiring with Rs 15 crores by the age of 50 is achievable with a well-structured plan. Focus on diversified investments, manage your debts, ensure adequate insurance coverage, and regularly review your portfolio. Engaging a Certified Financial Planner can provide the expertise needed to navigate complex financial decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 21, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi Sir, I follow your articles regularly and your detailed assessment is really awesome.I am 47yrs Male with wife, 20&18 years kids, elder one is in B.Tech and younger one is 12th. My wife is a home maker. Coming to financials. I have 4 houses including the one residing worth 10cr(total) and getting rental income of 70k per month, invested in stocks and MFs worth 60L, have foreign stocks of worth 1.7cr, accumulated pf around 1.3cr. I have farm lands worth 5cr. Have 1.2cr loan and salary of ~4L (net). current sips in equity 70k/month, have 5Cr term plan, health insurance for family 50L. How do I plan my retirement at 52-53years assuming 80 years life expectancy. Don't want to depend on kids and need regular income ~3-4L per month.
Ans: Asset Evaluation
Real Estate:
You own four houses worth Rs 10 crore, generating Rs 70,000 monthly rental income. This is a solid base for passive income. However, real estate can have fluctuating maintenance costs, tenant issues, and varying rental yields over time.

Stocks and Mutual Funds:
Your Rs 60 lakh investment in stocks and mutual funds is a commendable step. Active mutual funds offer professional fund management and can outperform index funds over time.

Foreign Stocks:
Your Rs 1.7 crore portfolio in foreign stocks adds geographical diversification. Monitor currency exchange fluctuations and global market trends.

Provident Fund (PF):
With Rs 1.3 crore in PF, this is a reliable retirement corpus. The fund provides fixed returns and tax benefits, adding stability.

Farm Lands:
Farm lands worth Rs 5 crore are an illiquid but valuable asset. They might not generate consistent income unless leased or developed.

Loans:
A loan liability of Rs 1.2 crore needs prioritised repayment. Focus on loans with higher interest rates first.

Insurance Coverage:
A Rs 5 crore term plan is robust. Your Rs 50 lakh health insurance is sufficient for unexpected medical emergencies.

Retirement Goals
You need Rs 3–4 lakh monthly for 27–28 years post-retirement.
The portfolio must generate steady, inflation-adjusted returns.
Action Plan for Retirement
Debt Management
Prepay High-Interest Loans:
Use a portion of your surplus income to prepay loans. This reduces interest outflow and increases your cash flow.

Avoid New Loans:
Focus on reducing existing liabilities instead of taking on new ones.

Portfolio Restructuring
Real Estate:
Retain essential properties. Sell underperforming or non-essential properties to reduce concentration in real estate. Invest proceeds in mutual funds or debt instruments for diversification.

Mutual Funds (MFs):
Increase SIPs in actively managed funds. They outperform direct funds due to guidance from Certified Financial Planners and MFDs. Regular funds offer better tracking and professional assistance.

Stocks:
Monitor direct equity investments closely. Consider reallocating underperforming stocks to mutual funds for better management.

Debt Instruments:
Invest in high-quality debt funds or fixed-income securities for stability. These instruments balance equity volatility and ensure steady returns.

SIP Strategy
Increase SIPs from Rs 70,000 to Rs 1 lakh/month.
Allocate 70% to equity funds for long-term growth.
Invest 30% in debt funds for stability and liquidity.
Emergency Fund
Maintain a 12-month expense reserve in liquid funds or fixed deposits.
This covers unexpected expenses without disturbing investments.
Income During Retirement
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Use SWPs in mutual funds to generate regular income.
Withdraw 6–8% annually from your mutual fund portfolio for a steady income stream.
Rental Income Optimisation
Review property rents regularly.
Invest part of rental income in equity or debt mutual funds for compounding.
Dividend Stocks
Retain high-dividend-yield stocks for regular income.
Reinvest surplus dividends for long-term growth.
Tax Efficiency
Equity Funds Taxation:
Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

Debt Funds Taxation:
Both short- and long-term gains are taxed per your income slab.

Real Estate Capital Gains:
Use exemptions under Sections 54 or 54F to save tax on property sales.

Inflation Protection
Allocate 60–70% of your portfolio to equity investments.

Equity provides inflation-adjusted returns over time.

Debt funds and fixed instruments safeguard against equity market volatility.

Estate Planning
Draft a will to allocate assets transparently among family members.
Use nomination and joint ownership to avoid legal complications.
Consider a family trust for farm lands to avoid disputes.
Periodic Review
Review your financial plan every six months.
Adjust investments based on market conditions, goals, and needs.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner regularly for updates.
Finally
A well-diversified portfolio ensures financial independence post-retirement. Focus on debt repayment, portfolio balance, and tax-efficient withdrawals. Your assets can comfortably generate Rs 3–4 lakh monthly income, adjusted for inflation.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
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It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

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You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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