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30-Year-Old Planning to Buy a Flat: Invest Lump Sum Now or Later?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sunil Question by Sunil on Jul 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I have 43L and I'm planning to buy a flat worth 1.4Cr. It is due completion in 2029. So I can either put in more now or at the end. I have decided to do below. Pay 10% since it's compulsion, now I have 30lacks with me. My biggest advantage now is time. So I have invested lumpsum of 20L in PPFAS Flexi cap and 10L in HDFC Balanced Fund. I have a loan sanctioned of remaining amount 1.2Cr. My question is, in 5yrs time, should I use 87L from loan and use whatever I get from these MF's or should I stay invested in MF's and use full loan amount of 1.2cr instead? My plan was to pump in additional 30k per month if I use only 87L from loan as my EMI would be less and 8-10yrs down the line, I can apply for PreClosure. What's the best way forward? Use full loan amount and pay higher emi and keep my 30L in MF intact or use partial loan amount, pump in additional sip and utilize what I get to foreclosure of loan? Other details, 30M, Monthly Exp around 50k. I am investing 35k in SIP, 50k for various plans, ULIP, insurance ROP, Assured returns etc. I consider these as debt instruments in my investments. End goal is to save enough for retirement and an additional real estate asset worth 1.5cr before retiring.

Ans: You have Rs 43 lakhs and plan to buy a flat worth Rs 1.4 crores due for completion in 2029. Here's an analysis of your options:

Current Investment Plan
1. Initial Payment:

Paid 10% (Rs 14 lakhs) upfront.
Remaining Rs 30 lakhs available.
2. Investment Allocation:

Rs 20 lakhs in PPFAS Flexi Cap Fund.
Rs 10 lakhs in HDFC Balanced Fund.
3. Loan Details:

Sanctioned loan amount: Rs 1.2 crores.
Option 1: Partial Loan and Additional SIP
1. Plan:

Use Rs 87 lakhs from the loan.
Use returns from mutual funds for the rest.
Pump in an additional Rs 30k per month as SIP.
2. Benefits:

Lower EMI, making it easier to manage monthly expenses.
Ability to invest more monthly, enhancing wealth creation.
Option to pre-close the loan in 8-10 years.
3. Considerations:

Assess the expected returns from mutual funds.
Ensure the investments outperform the loan interest rate.
Option 2: Full Loan Amount
1. Plan:

Use the full Rs 1.2 crores loan.
Keep the Rs 30 lakhs in mutual funds.
2. Benefits:

Larger loan amount may offer tax benefits.
Investments remain intact and grow over time.
Flexibility to use investment returns for other goals.
3. Considerations:

Higher EMI impacts monthly cash flow.
Loan tenure may be longer, increasing interest paid.
Comparative Analysis
1. Loan Interest vs. Investment Returns:

Compare the loan interest rate with the expected returns from mutual funds.
If mutual fund returns are higher, keeping investments intact might be beneficial.
2. Monthly Cash Flow:

Evaluate your ability to manage higher EMIs.
Consider the impact on your overall financial stability.
3. Pre-closure Option:

With lower EMIs, pre-closure of the loan becomes feasible.
Additional SIP investments can create a pre-closure fund.
Recommendations
1. Balanced Approach:

Use a mix of both options.
Opt for a partial loan and keep some investments intact.
2. Regular Review:

Monitor your mutual fund performance regularly.
Adjust investments and loan repayments based on market conditions.
3. Financial Goals:

Align your investments with long-term goals like retirement.
Diversify your portfolio to balance risk and returns.
Final Insights
Considering your goals, a balanced approach of partial loan and maintaining investments is optimal. Regularly review and adjust based on performance and market conditions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 21, 2024Hindi
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Hi myself 36 yrs old Started mf plan very late Luckily due to organisation switch got company stocks vested to me around 85 lacs and still around 60 lacs not yet vested . With that confidence I have taken home loan of 1.2cr for 25 yrs Emi amt 1 lac per month rate of interest 8.5 Not much invested earlier in mf started late around 1.5 yrs back Was able to accumulate 5 lacs total Invested in stocks around 2 lacs Now am trying to do sip every month of 42k I earn around 2.2lacs I have 2 more loans apart from home loan Personal loan of 26k emi 4 yrs pending Gold loan yearly emi payment of 6 lacs amount. Deduction of 1 lac + 26k+ 42k = 1.68 lacs goes to emis Yearly gold I have to pay around 60k without principal I consider 1.75 lacs to fixed amt goes as cuttings. I have remaining around 40k I think Home necessities cost around 15k monthly I still have around 20 to 25k remaining As I have started very late in mf I want to increase my sip for my kids education and future retirement plans I have something in mind which am bit afraid I want to sell stocks and invest in real estate and do the rotation of money for 10 years. But i have limited knowledge after doing some research . Should I go ahead with that ? Or Should I close my home loan using my stocks and reduce to 40 lacs home loan something Invest same amount in sips ? My stocks are in US market ..should I sell or not ? Company stocks are till now going well.. How high it would jump and how much it will take for that to happen I don't know Please suggest me to some investment ideas Q1. Should I close home loan Q2. Should I invest in real estate Q3. Should I invest stocks amt in mutual funds Any better ideas and suggestions please advise ..
Ans: Evaluating Your Financial Position
Your current financial situation reflects both opportunities and challenges. You have accumulated a significant amount of company stocks and started investing in mutual funds. Your home loan and other liabilities add to your monthly financial commitments. It's essential to strategically manage your investments to ensure long-term financial stability.

Assessing the Home Loan
Paying off your home loan can provide a sense of financial relief. However, consider the opportunity cost of using your stocks for this purpose. With an interest rate of 8.5%, the cost of maintaining the home loan is relatively high. Reducing your home loan can decrease your monthly EMI, providing more cash flow for investments and other expenses. However, before deciding, consider the potential growth of your stocks. If the stocks have significant growth potential, retaining them might be more beneficial in the long run.

Evaluating Real Estate as an Investment
Investing in real estate can be tempting, but it comes with several challenges. Real estate investments require substantial capital and involve high transaction costs. They also lack liquidity compared to stocks and mutual funds. The real estate market can be unpredictable, and managing properties requires time and effort. Given these factors, real estate might not be the best option for someone seeking to simplify and strengthen their financial portfolio.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer a diversified investment option that can align with your financial goals. Given your late start in mutual funds, it’s wise to increase your SIPs to build a substantial corpus over time. Actively managed funds can offer better returns due to professional management. These funds allow you to benefit from the expertise of fund managers, providing a balanced risk-return ratio.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Index funds, while low-cost, do not always outperform actively managed funds. They mirror market performance, lacking the flexibility to adapt to market changes. On the other hand, direct mutual funds require active monitoring and decision-making. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide valuable insights and professional management, helping you navigate complex market conditions effectively.

Strategic Use of Stocks
Your company stocks are a significant asset. Diversifying this investment can reduce risk and enhance returns. Selling a portion of your stocks and investing in mutual funds can provide a balanced approach. This strategy diversifies your portfolio and reduces the risk associated with holding a single type of asset.

Recommendations
Reduce Home Loan: Consider partially reducing your home loan with your stocks. This will lower your EMI and interest burden, providing more cash flow for investments.

Avoid Real Estate: Given the high costs and management efforts involved, real estate might not be the best option. Focus on more liquid and manageable investments.

Increase SIPs in Mutual Funds: Boost your SIPs to build a robust financial corpus for your children’s education and retirement. Actively managed funds through a CFP can optimize your returns.

Diversify Stock Investments: Gradually sell a portion of your company stocks and diversify into mutual funds. This reduces risk and provides a balanced growth potential.

Conclusion
Your proactive approach to managing your finances is commendable. Balancing debt reduction with strategic investments can provide financial stability and growth. A diversified portfolio, professional management, and a focus on long-term goals will help secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 23, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 44 years old working in IT company. 1 Kid, boy 12 years.. Current salary is 2.5L. I have 1 flat of 1Cr. on which no loan. I have 18L in ppf which will mature in 2027. I have started investing 12K per month in SIP since last 12 months. I have Term insurance of 1 Cr. Nps of 3 L. 50 L in cash. Can I go for another flat with 1 Cr Loan now and how much SIP I should more invest now for pension corpus of 5 Cr.
Ans: Planning for a secure future is crucial, especially with retirement and your child’s education in mind. Your current financial situation is strong, but considering another flat with a significant loan requires thorough analysis. Let's delve into your situation and explore the best strategies.

Current Financial Overview
Here's a snapshot of your financial situation:

Age: 44 years
Current Salary: Rs 2.5 lakhs per month
Flat: Worth Rs 1 crore, no loan
PPF: Rs 18 lakhs, maturing in 2027
SIP: Rs 12,000 per month, started 12 months ago
Term Insurance: Rs 1 crore
NPS: Rs 3 lakhs
Cash: Rs 50 lakhs
Family: Wife and 12-year-old son
Evaluating the Purchase of Another Flat
Considering a second flat with a Rs 1 crore loan requires evaluating your current and future financial commitments. While real estate can be a good investment, it also ties up liquidity and involves risks. Instead of real estate, diversifying into other investment options could provide better returns and flexibility.

Importance of Liquidity
Real estate investments lack liquidity. Selling property can take time and may not always fetch the desired price. Maintaining liquidity in your portfolio is crucial for handling emergencies and taking advantage of investment opportunities.

Existing Investments and Future Goals
Your PPF will mature in 2027, providing a lump sum amount. Your SIP investments are a great way to build wealth over time. A term insurance of Rs 1 crore ensures your family’s financial security. Your NPS is also a solid investment for retirement.

Focus on Mutual Funds for Growth
Equity Mutual Funds: Equity mutual funds offer higher returns compared to other investment options. Actively managed funds, in particular, can outperform the market due to professional management. These funds are suitable for long-term goals like retirement.

Balanced Funds: Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt instruments. They offer a balanced risk-return profile, making them suitable for moderate risk-takers.

Debt Funds: Debt funds provide stable returns and are less risky than equity funds. They invest in government securities, corporate bonds, and other fixed-income instruments. Including debt funds in your portfolio helps in risk diversification.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Mutual funds spread your investment across various assets, reducing risk. This diversification is crucial for a balanced portfolio.

Professional Management: Certified financial planners and fund managers handle mutual funds, ensuring better returns through expert management.

Liquidity: Mutual funds can be easily converted to cash. This liquidity provides flexibility in managing your finances.

Power of Compounding: Over time, mutual funds benefit from compounding. This means you earn returns on your returns, significantly boosting your wealth over the long term.

Calculating the SIP for a Rs 5 Crore Corpus
To accumulate a Rs 5 crore corpus, you need a disciplined investment strategy. Assuming a 12% annual return from equity mutual funds, let's estimate the additional SIP amount needed.

Given your current SIP of Rs 12,000 per month and considering you have 16 years until the retirement age of 60, you need to calculate how much more you should invest monthly.

Risk Management
Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance. You already have term insurance of Rs 1 crore, which is good. Regularly review your policies to make sure they meet your needs.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This fund will help you manage unexpected expenses without disrupting your investments.

Planning for Your Child’s Education
Your 12-year-old son will soon require funds for higher education. Start a systematic investment plan (SIP) specifically for his education. Investing in equity mutual funds can help build a substantial corpus for this goal.

Evaluating Non-Performing Policies
If you have any LIC, ULIP, or investment-cum-insurance policies, assess their performance. These policies often come with high fees and low returns. Consider surrendering them and reinvesting in mutual funds. This can provide better returns and more flexibility.

Creating a Retirement Corpus
A retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore will ensure a comfortable post-retirement life. Besides mutual funds, consider the following:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): Post-retirement, an SWP from your mutual fund investments can provide a steady income. This ensures financial stability without eroding your capital too quickly.

Fixed Deposits and Senior Citizen Schemes: Invest in fixed deposits and senior citizen savings schemes for stable returns. These options offer safety and predictable income.

Tax Planning
Ensure your investments are tax-efficient. Utilize tax-saving instruments and schemes under Section 80C and other relevant sections. Effective tax planning can maximize your returns and minimize your tax liability.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments align with your goals and risk tolerance. A certified financial planner can help you with this process.


Your dedication to securing your family’s financial future is impressive. Managing such a detailed financial plan while working in a demanding field like IT is commendable. Your proactive approach will surely yield positive results.

Final Insights
Investing in another flat with a significant loan might not be the best option given your goals. Instead, focus on building a diversified portfolio through mutual funds. This will provide better returns, flexibility, and liquidity. Aim to build a retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore by increasing your SIP contributions. Regularly review your investments and stay disciplined in your approach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Nitin

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MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 14, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir - I'm 35 years. Both myself and a better half are working with a monthly income of 3.65L together (2.8L mine + 85K wife's). We have a 5 year old male kid. We have a SBI max gain home loan account with a debt of 12.65L and a parked amount of 26.5L apart from the EMI paid so far from previous 5 years. No EMI on car purchased. EPF ~29L, PPF started for both of us an year back. Also started a monthly SIP of ~1.2-1.5L in MF from Jan'2024 with 8.5L balance so far and will continue the SIP in the below funds atleast for next 10 years. Not considering debt funds as I'm already having EPF and PPF components and will periodically review these funds. 1. Nifty next 50 Index, 2. Small Cap 250 Index, 3. Multi Cap, Active 4. Mid Cap, Active 5. Flexi Cap, Active Better half may quit her job by Mar'2025. We are looking to close home loan by March'2025 and stay EMI/debt free with a peace of mind. Is it a wise decision to close a home loan by this financial year and increase the monthly SIP to 2L from next financial year? Or) invest the home loan balance amount in real estate (preferably buying a land)? especially when the home loan interest of upto 3.5L are tax fee in the old tax regime. Thanks!
Ans: Dear Friend, Given your current financial standing, closing your home loan by March 2025 seems like a wise choice. You have Rs 26.5L parked in the SBI Max Gain account, which already reduces your interest liability. By clearing the remaining Rs 12.65L, you can become debt-free, providing peace of mind and freeing up your EMI payments for additional investments. While the home loan offers tax benefits under the old regime, the psychological comfort of being debt-free may outweigh the potential tax savings, especially since your financial portfolio is already strong.
Once the loan is closed, increasing your monthly SIPs to Rs 2L would be a smart move. Over the next 10 years, equity mutual funds, which historically offer returns of 10-12% annually, can significantly grow your wealth. Since you are already investing in a diversified portfolio of index, small-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds, increasing these investments aligns well with your long-term goals.
Investing in real estate, particularly land, can provide diversification. However, real estate is typically less liquid and the returns can be location-dependent. If you're confident in the property’s growth potential, this can be a good long-term investment. However, your existing strategy of focusing on equity mutual funds will likely offer better returns and flexibility, given your 10-year investment horizon.
So closing your home loan by March 2025 and redirecting the freed-up funds into increased SIPs appears to be the best route. It balances peace of mind, tax efficiency, and long-term wealth creation, while real estate can be considered for diversification if you find a promising opportunity.
There are many real estate opportunities like REIT or Partial ownership in commercial properties which can also yield between 14 to 22% overall return with about 5 to 8% monthly return and 10 to 12% of Growth in the Asset Value at end of tenure.
Investment is commodities like gold and silver can also yield a return of 8 to 10% with reducing the risk in one sector.
Diversification is the mantra, do not depend on only one or two type of investment avenues. Explore other options as well.

Best regards,
Nitin Narkhede
Founder & MD, Prosperity Lifestyle Hub https://Nitinnarkhede.com
Free Webinar https://bit.ly/PLH-Webinar

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I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
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Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
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Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |127 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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