Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Sunil

Sunil Lala  |193 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 26, 2024

Sunil Lala founded SL Wealth, a company that offers life and non-life insurance, mutual fund and asset allocation advice, in 2005. A certified financial planner, he has three decades of domain experience. His expertise includes designing goal-specific financial plans and creating investment awareness. He has been a registered member of the Financial Planning Standards Board since 2009.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 20, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money

Hi Sir, I am 39 years old with no savings. I earn 1.6 lakhs a month after taxes. I have a home loan of 17,000 a month which will end in 2025. I have just started to invest in SIP's. 5k a month in parag parikh flexicap fund. 3k in Nippon India Large Cap fund. Also I have a term insurance for 1 crore for which the premium is 5073. I have personal loan which will end in 2027 and the monthly emi is 16300. I would like to start investing with the goal of retirement savings. I would like to ambitious in my retirement savings and my goal is 6 crores in 20 years.

Ans: Why are you investing such a small sum in SIP. At what rate have you taken the personal loan ? If you want 6 crores in 20 years than you need to do an additional SIP of 52000
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5165 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello sir, I am 33 years old working as a software professional. I have a mothly SIPs that I started earlier this year of 30000 rupees which was divided into 10000 rs for ICICI Prudential bluechip fund direct growth large cap, 10000 rs for motilal oswal midcap and 5000 rs each in Quant small cap and Aditya birla sunlife PSU fund. Along with this I have couple of life insurance policies with LIC on my name and one each for my wife and kid altogether I'm paying premium of 3 lakhs per annum. I also invested in real estate and bought a land worth 40 lakhs. I'm planning for my retirement at the age of 45 and want to know best ways for investment to build my corpus and earn 2 lakhs per month from it post retirement which suffices my needs adjusting to inflation.
Ans: Your commitment to securing your financial future is commendable, and your portfolio reflects a mix of investments. Let's analyze your current strategy and chart a path towards your retirement goal.

Starting with your SIPs, allocating funds across different categories like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap indicates a balanced approach to risk and growth. However, it's essential to review your portfolio periodically to ensure it aligns with your changing goals and market conditions.

There are some advantages to consider direct funds, and the cost savings can be significant in the long run. However, there are some potential benefits to using a regular MFD:

Advantages of Investing Through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

• Personalized Advice: MFDs can be helpful for beginners or those who lack investment knowledge. They can assess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and investment horizon to recommend suitable mutual funds. This personalized guidance can be valuable, especially if you're new to investing.
• Convenience: MFDs handle all the paperwork and transactions on your behalf, saving you time and effort. They can help with account setup, SIP registrations, and managing your portfolio across different funds.
• Investor Support: MFDs can be a point of contact for any questions or concerns you may have about your investments. They can provide ongoing support and guidance throughout your investment journey.


Your life insurance policies provide financial protection for your family, which is crucial. However, it's advisable to evaluate if the coverage meets your evolving needs and if there are more cost-effective options available.

Investing in real estate can be lucrative, but it comes with its own set of challenges like liquidity issues and market volatility. Considering your retirement goal, diversifying your investments beyond real estate might be prudent.

To achieve your retirement target of ?2 lakhs per month adjusted for inflation, you'll need a substantial corpus. Considering your age and retirement timeline, investing in a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes is essential.

Since you're aiming for early retirement, focusing on growth-oriented investments with higher returns potential could be beneficial. Regular reviews with a Certified Financial Planner can help fine-tune your strategy and maximize returns while managing risks.

Additionally, exploring tax-efficient investment avenues like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) and PPF can optimize your tax outgo and enhance your corpus over time.

Remember, building a retirement corpus requires discipline, patience, and a well-thought-out strategy. Stay committed to your savings plan and adapt to changes in your financial landscape.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5165 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Listen
Money
Sir i am 27 yrs old unmarried .i have 35L in FD 10L in ppf 15L in mutual fund 20L in stocks 5L in SGB . I have an annually income of 30L i want to retire by 40 i have brought a term insurance and health insurer. Can help me plan how to invest further and achieve my goal .Karthik banglore
Ans: Hello Karthik,

Firstly, congratulations on being proactive about planning for your retirement at such a young age. Let's delve into crafting a strategic financial plan to help you achieve your goal of retiring by the age of 40, with a focus on mutual funds (MFs) as a key component of your investment strategy.

Current Financial Position
Your current financial standing reflects a commendable level of savings and investments, providing a solid foundation for your retirement aspirations. Let's review your existing assets:

FDs, PPF, and SGB: These traditional investment avenues offer stability and security, but they might not maximize long-term growth potential.

Mutual Funds and Stocks: Investing in equities and mutual funds demonstrates your willingness to explore avenues with higher growth potential, albeit with associated market risks.

Retirement Planning Strategy
Given your ambitious retirement goal, here's a tailored approach to further optimize your investments, focusing more on mutual funds:

Asset Allocation Review:

Evaluate your current asset allocation to ensure alignment with your retirement timeline and risk tolerance. Consider reallocating a portion of your conservative investments (FDs, PPF) towards equity mutual funds for higher growth potential over the long term.
Diversification with Mutual Funds:

Explore a diversified portfolio of mutual funds across different categories:
Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in large, well-established companies with stable performance. They offer relatively lower risk compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds.
Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Funds: These funds focus on mid-sized and small-sized companies with higher growth potential but also higher volatility. Allocate a portion of your portfolio to these funds for capital appreciation.
Flexi Cap Funds: These funds provide flexibility to invest across market capitalizations based on prevailing market conditions. They offer a balanced approach between growth and stability.
ELSS Funds: Consider investing in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to avail tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, while also benefiting from potential capital appreciation.
Regular Portfolio Monitoring:

Implement a disciplined approach to monitor and rebalance your MF portfolio periodically. Review fund performance, expense ratios, and fund manager track records to ensure they align with your investment objectives.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Utilize SIPs to invest systematically in mutual funds, enabling rupee-cost averaging and mitigating the impact of market volatility over time. Allocate your monthly investment amount across various MF categories based on your risk profile and investment horizon.
Tax Planning:

Optimize your tax efficiency by leveraging tax-saving mutual fund options such as ELSS funds. Maximize contributions to tax-deferred accounts like ELSS to reduce your taxable income and enhance overall savings.
Conclusion
In conclusion, by adopting a proactive and strategic approach to your financial planning, with a focus on mutual funds, you're well-positioned to achieve your goal of retiring by the age of 40. Continuously assess and adjust your MF portfolio to align with evolving market conditions and personal financial objectives. Remember, early retirement requires diligent planning and disciplined execution, but with careful guidance and prudent decision-making, you're on the right track to realizing your retirement dreams.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5165 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

Listen
Money
My current age is 49 Years. I have my own house worth Rs. 90 lakhs, one Flat worth Rs, 50 L, two small Bungalows at Bolpur worth Rs. 25 L, and 12 kothas of Land worth Rs. 40 L. Having no loan in the market. Through mutual funds, I have invested Rs. 50 L.. Presently Its market value is 1.25 Cr. Presently I am running (1) SIP of Rs. 4,80, 000 p.a., (2) PPF of Rs. 1,50,000 /- p.a. (3) LIC (Market Linked) Rs. 2.25,000/- p.a. and (4) SBI Life Rs. 6,00,000 p.a. LICs are going to be matured by 2027. Would like to make a total fund og 5 Cr by 2030. So that after retirement at my age of 55, I can earn at least Rs. 3 L p.m. SIPs are : (1) SBI Blue Chip Fund Regular Plan Growth Rs. 60,000 p.a. (2) SBI Focussed Equity Fund Regular Growth Rs. 60,000 p.a. (3) SBI Magnum Global Fund Regular Plan Growth Rs. 60,000 p.a. (4) SBI Magnum Midcap Fund Regular Plan Growth Rs. 60,000 p.a. (5) SBI Nifty 50 Equal Weight Index Fund Regular Plan Growth Rs. 1,00,000 p.a.
Ans: Current Financial Status and Investment Goals

Your financial position is commendable. At 49, owning a house, a flat, two bungalows, and land showcases a solid real estate portfolio. Additionally, having Rs. 50 lakhs invested in mutual funds, now worth Rs. 1.25 crores, is impressive. The absence of loans further strengthens your financial health.

Ongoing Investments

You have a diversified investment approach. Your SIPs, PPF, and insurance policies show a well-thought-out strategy. These ongoing investments are critical for achieving your financial goals.

Assessing SIP Investments

Your SIP portfolio includes various funds. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds, especially in volatile markets. Certified Financial Planners can guide you in choosing funds that align with your risk tolerance and financial goals. Regular funds offer professional management, which can be beneficial.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. Fund managers adjust the portfolio based on market conditions. This can lead to better returns compared to index funds, which only mimic market performance.

Evaluating Insurance Policies

Your insurance policies, both LIC and SBI Life, provide a safety net. The market-linked LIC policy maturing in 2027 will add to your corpus. Ensure these policies align with your long-term financial goals.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)

Your PPF investment is a safe and tax-efficient option. It provides steady, risk-free returns and is a good addition to your retirement portfolio.

Targeting a Rs. 5 Crore Corpus by 2030

To reach Rs. 5 crore by 2030, reassess your investment strategy periodically. With your current assets and investments, this goal seems achievable. Keep track of market trends and adjust your investments accordingly.

Post-Retirement Income Plan

You aim for a monthly income of Rs. 3 lakhs post-retirement. Diversifying income sources, including investments, rental income, and interest from safe instruments, can help achieve this target.

Avoiding Index Funds

Index funds merely replicate market performance and might not provide superior returns. Actively managed funds, with expert fund management, can potentially deliver better returns and align with your financial goals.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds lack professional guidance, which regular funds offer. Certified Financial Planners provide tailored advice, helping to optimize your investment portfolio for better returns.

Regular Review and Adjustment

Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner. Market conditions change, and timely adjustments ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Conclusion

Your financial foundation is strong, and with strategic planning, you can achieve your Rs. 5 crore target by 2030. Keep investing wisely, seek professional guidance, and review your portfolio periodically.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5165 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Money
My current age is 49 Years. I have my own house worth Rs. 90 lakhs, one Flat worth Rs, 50 L, two small Bunglows at Bolpur worth Rs. 25 L, and 12 katthas of Land worth Rs. 40 L. Having no loan in the market. Through mutual funds I have invested Rs. 50 L. Its market value is 1.25 Cr. Presently I am running (1) SIP of Rs. 4,80, 000 p.a., (2) PPF of Rs. 1,50,000 /- p.a. (3) LIC (Market Linked) Rs. 2.25,000/- p.a. and (4) SBI Life Rs. 6,00,000 p.a. LICs are going to be matured by 2027. Would like to make a total fund og 5 Cr by 2030. So that after retirement at my age of 55, I can earn at least Rs. 3 L p.m. SIPs are : (1) SBI Blue Chip Fund Regular Plan Growth Rs. 60,000 p.a. (2) SBI Focussed Equity Fund Regular Growth Rs. 60,000 p.a. (3) SBI Magnum Global Fund Regular Plan Growth Rs. 60,000 p.a. (4) SBI Magnum Midcap Fund Regular Plan Growth Rs. 60,000 p.a. (5) SBI Nifty 50 Equal Weight Index Fund Regular Plan Growth Rs. 1,00,000 p.a.
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
At 49 years old, you have significant assets and investments. Your primary goals are to accumulate Rs. 5 crore by 2030 and ensure a monthly income of Rs. 3 lakh post-retirement. Let's break down your current assets and investments:

Real Estate Holdings:

House: Rs. 90 lakh
Flat: Rs. 50 lakh
Two bungalows at Bolpur: Rs. 25 lakh
12 katthas of land: Rs. 40 lakh
Financial Investments:

Mutual funds: Rs. 50 lakh invested, current market value Rs. 1.25 crore
SIPs: Rs. 4,80,000 annually
PPF: Rs. 1,50,000 annually
LIC (Market Linked): Rs. 2,25,000 annually
SBI Life: Rs. 6,00,000 annually
Financial Goals and Analysis
You aim to reach a total corpus of Rs. 5 crore by 2030. You also want to secure a monthly income of Rs. 3 lakh after retirement at age 55.

Strategic Investment Plan
To achieve your goals, it's essential to optimize your current investments and ensure they align with your risk tolerance and time horizon.

Reviewing Mutual Fund Investments
Your SIPs are well-diversified across various categories. However, it's crucial to evaluate their performance regularly and make adjustments as needed.

Current SIPs:

SBI Blue Chip Fund: Rs. 60,000 p.a.
SBI Focused Equity Fund: Rs. 60,000 p.a.
SBI Magnum Global Fund: Rs. 60,000 p.a.
SBI Magnum Midcap Fund: Rs. 60,000 p.a.
SBI Nifty 50 Equal Weight Index Fund: Rs. 1,00,000 p.a.
Suggested Adjustments:
SBI Blue Chip Fund: Increase SIP to Rs. 1,00,000 p.a.
SBI Focused Equity Fund: Maintain Rs. 60,000 p.a.
SBI Magnum Global Fund: Increase SIP to Rs. 1,00,000 p.a.
SBI Magnum Midcap Fund: Increase SIP to Rs. 1,00,000 p.a.
Add a Multi-Cap Fund: Allocate Rs. 60,000 p.a.
Add a Debt Fund: Allocate Rs. 60,000 p.a. for stability and risk mitigation.
Optimizing PPF Contributions
PPF is a safe and tax-efficient investment. Continue your annual contribution of Rs. 1,50,000. It offers steady returns and is an excellent tool for long-term wealth accumulation.

Evaluating Life Insurance Policies
Your LIC and SBI Life policies are significant commitments. Given their maturity in 2027, you can re-evaluate them to see if they meet your financial goals.

LIC Market Linked:

Annual Premium: Rs. 2,25,000
Maturity: 2027
SBI Life:

Annual Premium: Rs. 6,00,000
Consider the following:

Review Policy Performance: Evaluate if the returns are meeting your expectations.
Term Insurance: If you need life cover, a term insurance policy might be more cost-effective. This could free up funds for other investments.
Investment Strategy Post-Maturity of LIC
Once your LIC policies mature in 2027, you will have additional funds. Reinvest these into mutual funds or other high-return instruments to grow your corpus further.

Asset Allocation and Diversification
Balancing risk and return is crucial. Here’s a suggested asset allocation strategy:

Equity Funds (60-70%): Continue and increase SIPs in high-performing mutual funds.
Debt Funds (20-30%): Add debt funds for stability.
PPF (10-20%): Continue contributions for safe, tax-free returns.
Projected Growth and Future Value
Assuming an average annual return of 12% on your mutual fund investments, let's estimate the future value of your portfolio.

Mutual Funds:

Current Value: Rs. 1.25 crore
Annual SIPs: Increased to Rs. 4.80 lakh
Additional Lump Sum from LIC Maturity
Using a compound interest calculator, we can project significant growth. Regular reviews and adjustments will help stay on track.

Contingency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This ensures financial stability in case of unexpected events.

Retirement Income Strategy
To secure Rs. 3 lakh monthly post-retirement, consider a mix of:

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP): From mutual funds to provide regular income.
Debt Funds: For steady returns with low risk.
Post-Retirement Investments: Explore Senior Citizens’ Savings Scheme (SCSS) and other safe options.
Regular Review and Adjustment
Financial markets and personal circumstances change. Regularly review and adjust your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals and risk tolerance.

Conclusion
By optimizing your current investments and making strategic adjustments, you can achieve your goal of Rs. 5 crore by 2030 and secure a monthly income of Rs. 3 lakh post-retirement. Here’s a summary of the action plan:

Increase SIP contributions in high-performing funds.
Review and potentially replace LIC policies with term insurance.
Continue PPF contributions.
Reinvest LIC maturity proceeds into mutual funds.
Maintain an emergency fund.
Regularly review and adjust your investments.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5165 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Listen
Money
Namaste sir Kuch Acche large, mid and small companies bataiye jaha pe long term ke liye investment kiya ja sake..? ????
Ans: Namaste Sir,
Thank you for reaching out with your query about long-term investment options. As a Certified Financial Planner, I recommend focusing on mutual funds instead of individual stocks. Here’s why:

Diversification and Risk Management
Diversification: Mutual funds invest in a diversified portfolio. This reduces risk.

Risk Management: Fund managers actively manage portfolios. This helps in mitigating risks.

Stability: Investing in mutual funds provides more stability. Stocks can be volatile.

Professional Management
Expertise: Mutual funds are managed by experienced professionals. They make informed decisions.

Research: Fund managers conduct extensive research. This ensures better stock selection.

Performance: Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market. This is beneficial for long-term growth.

Flexibility and Convenience
Flexibility: You can start with a small amount. SIPs allow regular investments.

Convenience: No need to monitor markets daily. Fund managers take care of it.

Liquidity: Mutual funds offer good liquidity. You can redeem units as needed.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Expert Guidance: Actively managed funds have skilled managers. They make strategic decisions.

Market Opportunities: Managers capitalize on market opportunities. This enhances returns.

Adaptability: Actively managed funds adapt to market changes. This helps in maximizing gains.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Passive Management: Index funds follow the market. They lack active management.

Limited Growth: They may not outperform the market. Actively managed funds aim for better returns.

No Flexibility: Index funds stick to a specific index. They can’t adapt to market conditions.

Drawbacks of Direct Funds
No Advisory Support: Direct funds lack advisory support. This can be challenging for investors.

Complexity: Managing direct funds requires market knowledge. Regular funds offer professional management.

No Personalized Strategy: Direct funds don’t offer personalized strategies. Investing through a CFP ensures tailored advice.

Advantages of Regular Funds
Personalized Advice: Investing through a CFP provides personalized advice. This aligns with your financial goals.

Comprehensive Planning: Regular funds offer comprehensive financial planning. This includes tax planning and retirement planning.

Ongoing Support: You get ongoing support and portfolio reviews. This ensures your investments stay on track.

Investing for Long Term
Consistency: Consistent investing is key for long-term wealth creation. SIPs in mutual funds help in achieving this.

Power of Compounding: Long-term investments benefit from compounding. Mutual funds help in maximizing this benefit.

Goal Alignment: Align your investments with financial goals. Mutual funds offer various schemes for different goals.

Final Insights
Investing in mutual funds is a strategic choice. It offers diversification, professional management, and flexibility. Actively managed funds provide growth opportunities. They are better suited for long-term investments. Avoid index funds and direct funds. They lack the benefits of active management and personalized advice.

Work with a Certified Financial Planner. This ensures a comprehensive approach to your financial planning. Focus on consistent investing and goal alignment. This will help you achieve financial stability and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |5165 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 60 years old. I have a SIP account of 2000 rs. Which i put every month. If i put 1 lakh as fixed. For how long i need to keep it in MF. And how much income will i get.
Ans: Your SIP of Rs 2000 per month is a good start. Investing regularly builds discipline and creates wealth over time.

Lump Sum Investment
You have Rs 1 lakh for a fixed investment. This is a strong move towards securing your financial future.

Investment Duration
To determine the duration, consider your financial goals. If you aim for retirement, a longer period is beneficial.

5 Years: Moderate returns, suitable for short-term goals.
10 Years: Higher returns, good for medium-term goals.
15 Years or More: Maximum returns, ideal for long-term goals like retirement.
Expected Returns
Mutual funds can offer varying returns. Historical data suggests:

Equity Funds: 10-15% per annum.
Debt Funds: 6-8% per annum.
Hybrid Funds: 8-12% per annum.
Assessing Risk
Understanding your risk tolerance is crucial.

Low Risk: Debt funds are stable and safer.
Moderate Risk: Hybrid funds balance equity and debt.
High Risk: Equity funds offer higher returns but are volatile.
Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces risk.

Equity Funds: Invest in multiple sectors.
Debt Funds: Choose a mix of short-term and long-term bonds.
Hybrid Funds: Combine both equity and debt.
Inflation and Tax Considerations
Inflation impacts your returns. Equity funds generally outpace inflation.

Equity Funds: Taxed at 10% after one year.
Debt Funds: Taxed based on your income slab if held for less than three years. After three years, taxed at 20% with indexation benefits.
Hybrid Funds: Tax treatment varies based on equity and debt proportion.
Regular Monitoring
Regularly review your investments. Adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and personal goals.

Professional Guidance
A Certified Financial Planner can offer personalized advice. They help in aligning your investments with your financial goals.

Final Insights
Investing Rs 2000 monthly in SIPs and Rs 1 lakh in mutual funds is wise.

Stay Invested: Longer durations yield better returns.
Diversify: Spread your investments across different funds.
Monitor: Regularly check your investments and adjust as needed.
Seek Guidance: A Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice.
Invest wisely to secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |254 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Me and my boyfriend are in long distance relationship from past 6 months, I told him about my past in almost starting of it that I had 2 friends with benefits in past and one of that person was my classmate as well as friend, and he used to still contact me, and when I came in relationship also, he called me during that time and I told regarding my relationship status, and I also informed my boyfriend that I talked with him but this thing happened before he knows that I had physical intimacy with him, then when he asked me to block, I suddenly question "what is the point of blocking him" which I regret the most, but I blocked him later by myself, now my boyfriend is sayine me that I have cheated him and he won't trust me till his death, but I told everything in past happened to him. I love him a lot but he is not giving to work together in this relationship and saying that he won't stay loyal to me anymore, he won't trust be ever, as per him I have cheated him, but my intentions were not wrong at all, tho that guy was in contact but I never initiate any conversation with him while I came into relationship, is it really a cheat, is it that he should not trust me anymore? Please guide
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

It sounds like you are going through a rough time and I am sorry for it. Here's a thought and I am sure you have thought of it too, try to see things from his perspective. While you know that you never cheated nor meant to, it is important to acknowledge that your boyfriend's feelings are valid. He is feeling betrayed and that's a fact. Now, our goal should be to fix this issue. How do we do it? Communication is the only way. Tell him that you understand his perspective but it is important that he sees yours too. If he wants to vent, listen to him. Do not interrupt or become defensive. Understand whatever he says is coming from his insecurity. I know it's difficult not to take it personally, but his statements will be a reflection of his feelings and not your character. Remember this during the conversation. Once he is done speaking, reassure him that you had no intention of cheating. You can also reassure him of your commitment. Promise to be more transparent and point out that you were honest with him from the beginning. If you had any intention to cheat, you could have easily not shared with him your past. But you did and that shows that you are committed to this relationship. Tell him that you understand the need for boundaries and it is not okay to be in touch with people who make your partner uncomfortable.

Look, rebuilding trust needs work and it also takes time. Both of you need to work on it. You will have to work on making him trust you and he will have to work on letting go of his misconception (which might be his reality) and trust you wholly again. Relationships don't work till two people trust each other completely. If he continues to say that he can't trust you again, it might be best to reconsider this relationship. Even though your words hurt him, you did not cheat on him in reality. Why should you have to live in fear that he will cheat on you merely to take revenge?

After you put in all the effort, see where it goes. If things do not get better, rethinking the relationship would be best. Everyone deserves someone who can trust and be trusted.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x