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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi. I am 39 year old earning 70k in a month but having 0 bank balance. What should i do to make wealth at least 10lacs till i reach 50.

Ans: Building Wealth with a Monthly Income of 70k
Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
With a monthly income of 70k and no bank balance at 39, it's essential to adopt a proactive approach to wealth creation. Assess your expenses and financial habits to identify areas for improvement and savings.

Setting Achievable Goals
Aiming to accumulate 10 lakhs by the age of 50 is a realistic goal, considering your income level and time horizon. Break down this target into smaller milestones to track your progress and stay motivated.

Creating a Budget and Saving Plan
Start by creating a detailed budget to track your income and expenses. Identify non-essential expenses that can be reduced or eliminated to increase savings. Aim to allocate a portion of your income towards savings consistently.

Exploring Income-Generating Opportunities
Consider supplementing your primary income with additional sources of revenue. Explore part-time job opportunities, freelancing gigs, or side businesses that align with your skills and interests to boost your income.

Investing Wisely
With a focus on wealth creation, consider investing your savings in avenues that offer growth potential. Explore options such as mutual funds, SIPs, or diversified equity portfolios that align with your risk tolerance and investment goals.

Prioritizing Financial Discipline
Maintain discipline in your financial habits by adhering to your budget, avoiding impulsive purchases, and consistently saving and investing a portion of your income. Set up automated transfers to ensure regular contributions to your savings account or investment portfolio.

Seeking Professional Guidance
Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to create a personalized financial plan tailored to your goals and circumstances. A CFP can provide valuable insights, investment recommendations, and strategies to help you achieve your wealth accumulation target.

Monitoring and Adjusting Your Plan
Regularly review your financial plan and investment portfolio to track your progress towards your goal of accumulating 10 lakhs by the age of 50. Make necessary adjustments based on changes in your income, expenses, and market conditions to stay on track.

Conclusion
By adopting a disciplined approach to budgeting, saving, and investing, you can work towards accumulating 10 lakhs by the age of 50, despite starting with no bank balance at 39. Stay focused on your goal, explore income-generating opportunities, and seek professional guidance to maximize your wealth-building potential.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Money
HI SIR i am 38 years old , married, with a 10 year old son. we live in Ahmedabad own loan free flat in ahmedabad around 2 cr value . here is a summary of financial assets : 1.15 monthly invest in mf last 5 year value is around 80 lac policy around lic nd other yearly 13 lac invest other silver Nd gold buy around 70k share invest around 1cr can you pls suggest how we create wealth more
Ans: Great to see your dedication to financial growth. You've done an excellent job so far. Here's how you can create more wealth, step-by-step.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You have a strong foundation. Your loan-free flat worth Rs. 2 crore is a significant asset. This gives you stability.

Your monthly investment of Rs. 1.15 lakh in mutual funds for the past five years is impressive. With a value of around Rs. 80 lakh, you're already on a good track.

Additionally, your yearly investment of Rs. 13 lakh in LIC policies and other instruments shows disciplined saving habits.

Investing in silver and gold for around Rs. 70,000 is a good hedge against inflation.

Shares worth around Rs. 1 crore in the stock market display your willingness to take calculated risks.

Enhancing Your Mutual Fund Investments
Mutual funds are excellent for wealth creation. They offer diversification, professional management, and the power of compounding. However, it's crucial to evaluate your fund choices.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: These invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. They're ideal for long-term goals.

Debt Funds: These invest in bonds and are less risky than equity funds. They provide steady returns and are suitable for short-term goals.

Hybrid Funds: These invest in both equity and debt, offering a balanced approach. They can be a good choice for moderate risk-takers.

Sector Funds: These focus on specific sectors like healthcare or technology. They're risky but can offer high returns if the sector performs well.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: By investing in mutual funds, you spread your risk across various assets. This reduces the impact of a poor-performing asset.

Professional Management: Fund managers handle your investments, making informed decisions based on market research.

Liquidity: Mutual funds are highly liquid, meaning you can easily buy or sell them.

Tax Efficiency: Certain mutual funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

Risks of Mutual Funds
Market Risk: The value of mutual funds fluctuates with the market.

Credit Risk: Debt funds are subject to credit risk, where the issuer might default.

Interest Rate Risk: Changes in interest rates can affect debt funds' returns.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
You mentioned direct funds. While they seem appealing due to lower fees, they have drawbacks. Actively managed funds offer several benefits.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Limited Growth: Index funds track the market and cannot outperform it. Your returns are capped at market performance.

No Downside Protection: During market downturns, index funds fall with the market. They lack the flexibility to avoid losses.

Missed Opportunities: Index funds cannot take advantage of specific investment opportunities or market anomalies.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Potential for Higher Returns: Fund managers actively select stocks, aiming to outperform the market.

Downside Protection: Fund managers can adjust the portfolio to minimize losses during market downturns.

Flexibility: Active funds can seize market opportunities, potentially increasing returns.

Maximizing Returns from Mutual Funds
Regular Reviews
Review your mutual fund portfolio regularly. This ensures your investments align with your goals and market conditions.

Rebalancing
Periodically rebalance your portfolio. This involves selling some assets and buying others to maintain your desired asset allocation.

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan)
Continue with your SIPs. SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging, reducing the impact of market volatility.

Diversification
Ensure your mutual funds are diversified across sectors and market capitalizations. This spreads risk and enhances potential returns.

Evaluating Your LIC Policies and Other Investments
Your yearly investment of Rs. 13 lakh in LIC and other policies needs evaluation. Often, traditional insurance policies offer lower returns.

Surrendering Policies
If your LIC policies are investment-cum-insurance plans, consider surrendering them. The returns are usually low compared to mutual funds. Reinvest the proceeds in diversified mutual funds for better growth.

Term Insurance
Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage. It's affordable and provides financial security to your family.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offer advantages.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
No Guidance: Direct funds lack professional advice. You might miss out on valuable insights.

Time-Consuming: Managing your investments requires time and effort.

No Handholding: During market volatility, professional advice can prevent panic decisions.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Advice: CFPs provide tailored advice based on your financial goals.

Market Insights: CFPs stay updated with market trends, helping you make informed decisions.

Convenience: CFPs manage your portfolio, saving you time and effort.

Strategic Asset Allocation
Asset allocation is crucial for wealth creation. It balances risk and reward based on your financial goals.

Equity Allocation
Given your risk appetite and long-term goals, allocate a significant portion to equity. This could be through mutual funds and direct stocks.

Debt Allocation
To balance risk, allocate a portion to debt funds. They provide stability and steady returns.

Gold and Silver
Continue small investments in gold and silver. They act as a hedge against inflation and diversify your portfolio.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding is a key advantage of mutual funds. Reinvesting returns generates returns on returns, exponentially growing your wealth.

Long-Term Perspective
Investing with a long-term perspective maximizes the benefits of compounding. Avoid withdrawing from your investments prematurely.

Discipline and Patience
Maintain a disciplined approach and stay invested. Market fluctuations are normal; patience is crucial for wealth creation.

Emergency Fund
Ensure you have an emergency fund. It should cover 6-12 months of living expenses. This provides financial security during unexpected events.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning enhances your net returns.

Tax-Efficient Investments
Invest in tax-saving mutual funds under Section 80C. Consider the tax implications of your investments.

Capital Gains
Understand the tax treatment of capital gains from mutual funds. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) have favorable tax rates compared to short-term capital gains (STCG).

Estate Planning
Proper estate planning ensures your wealth is transferred smoothly to your heirs.

Will
Create a will to clearly outline the distribution of your assets. This prevents legal disputes and ensures your wishes are followed.

Nomination
Ensure all your investments have nominated beneficiaries. This simplifies the transfer process.

Trusts
Consider setting up trusts for wealth management and asset protection.

Continuous Learning
Stay informed about financial markets and investment strategies. This helps you make informed decisions and adapt to changing market conditions.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They provide personalized advice and help you achieve your financial goals.

Regular Reviews
Meet your CFP regularly to review your financial plan. This ensures it remains aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Final Insights
You're on the right track with your investments. Your loan-free flat, disciplined savings, and diverse portfolio show commendable financial acumen.

To create more wealth, focus on mutual funds, strategic asset allocation, and regular portfolio reviews.

Consider surrendering low-return insurance policies and reinvesting in high-growth mutual funds.

Maintain a long-term perspective, harness the power of compounding, and stay disciplined.

Seek professional guidance from a CFP to navigate market complexities and optimize your investment strategy.

With these steps, you'll enhance your wealth and secure a financially sound future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 15, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 31 yrs old no savings around 1lakh rupees stocks,& having 26lakh home loan,it’s a huge mess, what can I do from this negative to positive wealth.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your concerns. It's clear that you are in a challenging situation, and it's commendable that you are seeking help to improve your financial health. At 31 years old, you have plenty of time to turn things around. Let's break down your current financial status and create a plan to move from negative to positive wealth.

Assessing Your Current Position
Home Loan
You have a home loan of Rs 26 lakh. This is a significant liability, but it's manageable with a structured approach.

Savings
Your savings stand at around Rs 1 lakh. This is a modest amount, but it provides a foundation to build upon.

Investments in Stocks
You have some investments in stocks. While stocks can offer good returns, they also carry risks, especially if not managed properly.

Setting Financial Goals
Short-term Goals
Build an emergency fund: Aim for at least six months' worth of expenses. This will provide a cushion against unforeseen events.

Reduce high-interest debt: Focus on paying down any high-interest debts first.

Long-term Goals
Pay off your home loan: This will take time, but having a clear plan will make it achievable.

Build a diversified investment portfolio: This will help grow your wealth over time.

Creating a Budget
Income and Expenses
Track your monthly income and expenses. Categorize them to identify areas where you can cut back. This exercise is crucial to free up more money for savings and investments.

Prioritizing Expenses
Prioritize essential expenses like housing, utilities, and groceries. Reduce discretionary spending where possible. This could mean dining out less, limiting entertainment expenses, or finding more affordable alternatives.

Building an Emergency Fund
Importance of an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for financial stability. It ensures that you don't have to rely on high-interest credit in case of unexpected expenses.

How to Build It
Start by saving a small portion of your income each month. Gradually increase this amount as your financial situation improves. Aim to accumulate at least six months' worth of living expenses.

Managing Your Home Loan
Refinancing Options
Explore refinancing options to lower your interest rate. This can reduce your monthly payments and overall interest burden.

Extra Payments
If possible, make extra payments towards your home loan principal. This will reduce the loan term and the total interest paid.

Reviewing Your Investments
Stock Investments
Evaluate your current stock investments. Diversification is key to managing risk. Consider spreading your investments across different sectors.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
While index funds are popular, actively managed funds offer several benefits. They provide professional management, potentially better returns, and flexibility in changing market conditions.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds require significant time and knowledge to manage effectively. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner can provide expert guidance, save you time, and help you make informed decisions.

Surrendering Insurance Policies (if applicable)
If you hold LIC, ULIP, or other investment-cum-insurance policies, consider surrendering them. These often come with high charges and lower returns. Reinvest the proceeds into mutual funds for better growth potential.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Benefits of Mutual Funds
Mutual funds offer diversification, professional management, and ease of investment. They are suitable for various financial goals, whether short-term or long-term.

Choosing the Right Mutual Funds
Select funds based on your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. A Certified Financial Planner can help you choose funds that align with your objectives.

Creating a Debt Repayment Plan
Snowball vs. Avalanche Method
Consider two popular debt repayment methods:

Snowball Method: Pay off smaller debts first to build momentum.
Avalanche Method: Focus on debts with the highest interest rates to save on interest payments.
Choose the method that best suits your financial situation and motivates you to stay on track.

Regular Payments
Ensure regular payments towards your debts. Automate these payments to avoid missed deadlines and penalties.

Increasing Your Income
Side Hustles
Consider starting a side hustle or freelance work. This can provide additional income to pay off debts and increase savings.

Career Growth
Invest in your skills and education to advance your career. This can lead to higher earning potential over time.

Tax Planning
Tax-saving Investments
Invest in tax-saving instruments under Section 80C, such as ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) mutual funds. These help reduce your taxable income while providing growth potential.

Utilizing Tax Deductions
Claim deductions on home loan interest under Section 24(b) and principal repayment under Section 80C. This will reduce your tax liability and increase your savings.

Regular Financial Review
Annual Review
Conduct an annual review of your financial plan. Assess your progress towards goals and make adjustments as needed.

Professional Guidance
Seek the advice of a Certified Financial Planner regularly. They can provide personalized recommendations and help you stay on track.

Staying Disciplined
Consistent Saving and Investing
Maintain a disciplined approach to saving and investing. Automate your savings and investments to ensure consistency.

Avoiding Impulsive Decisions
Avoid impulsive financial decisions. Always assess the long-term impact before making any major financial commitments.

Building a Positive Wealth Mindset
Educating Yourself
Educate yourself about personal finance. Read books, attend workshops, and follow credible financial blogs. Knowledge empowers you to make better financial decisions.

Celebrating Milestones
Celebrate your financial milestones, no matter how small. This will keep you motivated and committed to your financial journey.

Final Insights
Your current financial situation might seem daunting, but with a structured approach, you can turn things around. Prioritize building an emergency fund, manage your debts wisely, and make informed investment decisions. Seek professional guidance when needed and stay disciplined in your financial practices. Remember, financial stability is a journey, not a destination. Celebrate your progress along the way and keep learning to make better financial decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 01, 2024

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Hello,I am 40year old.Monthly income is 1Lac so pl tell me how can I create storing wealth after retirement
Ans: Wealth Creation at Retirement
Assessing Your Financial Position

Your income is Rs 1 lakh per month.
You are currently 40, which means you have 20 years before you attain the age of 60 and retire.
There, you need to plan well to ensure a comfortable retirement.
Setting of Financial Objectives:

As defined, your retirement corpus
Estimation of the living expenses on a monthly basis after retirement
Take inflation and rising health into consideration.
Building of Emergency Fund

Save 6 months' worth of expenses in a savings bank account.
It would provide financial security in case of emergency
Division of Your Income

Savings and investments should be 30% to 40%.
That would work out to about Rs 30,000 to Rs 40,000 per month.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

Invest Rs 20,000 to Rs 30,000 per month in mutual funds.
Junk diversified equity funds for growth.
Balanced funds invest in a mix of equity and debt.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)

Invest in PPF for tax-free gains.
Try and invest the maximum every year.
National Pension System (NPS)

Invest in NPS for a regular income post-retirement.
It provides tax benefits under Section 80C and 80CCD.
Health Insurance

Ensure adequate health insurance coverage.
This safeguards your savings from medical emergencies.
Term Insurance

Secure your family's future with term insurance.
Ensure that the sum assured is sufficient to cover your liabilities and family needs.
Diversification of Investments

Invest in a mix of equity, debt, and gold.
Diversification reduces risk and enhances returns.
Regular Review and Adjustments

Review your investments annually.
Adjust based on market performance and life changes.
Increasing SIP Contributions

Increase SIP amount by 10% every year.
This also leads to a larger corpus getting built over some time.
Avoiding Real Estate

The real estate investments can be illiquid.
Financial assets are much better in terms of liquidity, as well as growth.
Avoiding Index Funds and Direct Funds

Index funds may not be able to perform better than actively managed funds.
Direct funds need to be actively managed; regular funds provide for professional management through MFDs with CFP credentials.
Final Insights
Set clear financial goals. Start investing a majority of your income in diversified investments. Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. Get adequate insurance coverage. Let not life drift by without disciplined investing and periodic reviews. Retire comfortably.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 02, 2024

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hello, my age is 31 year old married. wife is house wife and we have 1 year old daughter alo, i am freelance interior designer, architect from mumbai and earning aprroximate 1.25 lac per month and monthly expenses are approc 30000. i dont have any loan/ dept to pay. currently i have 15 lac in equity market, 10 lac in mutual funds monthly SIP 25000, 2lac in FD, 5lac of gold jewellary, 20 lac of health insurance and 20 lac of Life insurance. please send good planning to make wealth by the age of 50.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
Age: 31 years

Family: Married with a homemaker wife and a 1-year-old daughter

Profession: Freelance interior designer and architect

Location: Mumbai

Monthly Income: Rs 1.25 lakh

Monthly Expenses: Rs 30,000

Savings: Rs 95,000 per month

Existing Investments:

Rs 15 lakh in equity market
Rs 10 lakh in mutual funds
Rs 2 lakh in fixed deposits
Rs 5 lakh in gold jewellery
Rs 20 lakh health insurance
Rs 20 lakh life insurance
Financial Goals
Corpus Goal: Rs 5 crore in the next 12-15 years
Wealth Accumulation Goal: By age 50
Financial Strategy
Evaluation of Existing Investments
Equity Market: Rs 15 lakh

Equity investments earn high returns over a long period.
Invest in different sectors to minimize risk.
Mutual Funds: Rs 10 lakh with Rs 25,000 SIP on a monthly basis

One can continue investing through SIP in actively managed funds.
These funds would perform better than index funds as it is expertly managed funds.
Get the services of a CFP to select funds periodically.
Fixed Deposits: Rs 2 lakh

Fixed deposits offer safety but only ordinary returns.
Some of the money could be shifted to betterperforming instruments.
Gold Jewellery: Rs 5 lakh
Gold is an excellent hedge against inflation.
No more money needs to be put into gold as the returns are only good.
Health and Life Insurance: Rs 20 lakh each
Adequate coverage ensures financial security.
Review periodically to check on adequacy of coverage.
Optimising Investments
Increase SIP Amount:

The monthly SIP should be increased from Rs 25,000 to Rs 50,000.
Now, invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap and multi-cap funds.
Since actively managed funds have an added advantage in terms of the possibility of higher returns.
Diversify Equity Investments:

Sectors in which you can diversify your Rs 15 lakh equity investments.
You can add in blue-chip stocks for stability.
Invest in sectors that will grow significantly for better returns.
Emergency Fund:

Maintain emergency funding equivalent to 6 months to 12 months of expenditure.
Consider keeping Rs 3-5 lakh in liquid funds or saving bank accounts.
Regular Review:

Review your investment portfolio regularly.
Flow with the market and adjust by financial goals.
Shun Index Funds:

Index funds closely follow the market index and tend to be inferior to active funds
Active funds can adjust to changes in the market and deliver superior returns
Take the help of a Certified Financial Planner
Engage a CFP for customized investment plans
He helps with the right fund choices and portfolio management
Investment Planning for the Long-term
Systematic Transfer Plan (STP):

Get the help of STP to transfer money from low-risk to high return investments.
This will ensure gradual exposure to equity markets.
Child's Education and Future Needs:

Open a separate fund for the education of your daughter.
You can look at some mutual funds that are specifically for children or PPF.
Retirement Planning:

Start retirement planning through targeted investments.
Diversify into retirement-specific mutual funds with steady growth expectations.
Tax Planning:

Invest in tax-saving products such as ELSS mutual funds.
Save on taxes through deductions available under Section 80C.
Final Words
Monitoring Regularly: Track your financial goals and performance of your investments regularly.

Discipline in Savings: Save and invest Rs 95,000 every month regularly.

Avoid Low-Yield Investments: Avoid investing in low-return instruments like excessive fixed deposits.

Professional Guidance: Consult a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your investment strategy.

With these steps, you will be able to achieve your aim of creating a corpus of Rs 5 crore in a span of 12-15 years. A disciplined approach and expert guidance will ensure steady growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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