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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 13, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi I am 35 years old, earning 1.20 lakh per month, fixed expense 40k per month. I have sip 13000 & ppf monthly i deposit 5000, nps monthly 4000, lic yearly 43000 premium. I have car laon of 11000/month,also having recurring deposit of 4000/month. I have fd of 1 lakh. Kindly suggest how can i manage my finance to reach goal of 3 crore by 50 years of age

Ans: I understand your desire to reach a goal of Rs 3 crore by the age of 50. You’re on the right track by investing regularly. Let’s assess your current financial situation and develop a strategy to achieve your goal.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
To create an effective plan, we first need to review your current financial commitments and investments.

Income and Expenses
Monthly Income: Rs 1.20 lakh
Fixed Expenses: Rs 40,000 per month
Existing Investments
SIP: Rs 13,000 per month
PPF: Rs 5,000 per month
NPS: Rs 4,000 per month
Recurring Deposit: Rs 4,000 per month
FD: Rs 1 lakh
Liabilities
Car Loan: Rs 11,000 per month
LIC Premium: Rs 43,000 annually
Calculating Available Funds
After accounting for your fixed expenses and loan repayment, let’s determine the available funds for additional investments.

Total Income: Rs 1.20 lakh
Total Fixed Expenses and Loan: Rs 40,000 + Rs 11,000 = Rs 51,000
Remaining Amount: Rs 1,20,000 - Rs 51,000 = Rs 69,000
You currently invest Rs 26,000 monthly (SIP + PPF + NPS + RD). This leaves you with Rs 43,000 for potential additional investments.

Evaluating Your Investment Portfolio
Your current investments are diversified across different instruments. Let’s analyze each one to optimize your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIP)
Growth Potential: SIPs in mutual funds are good for long-term wealth creation.
Flexibility: Allows for periodic review and adjustment based on performance.
Recommendation: Consider increasing your SIP allocation to leverage the power of compounding.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Security: PPF is a safe investment with decent returns and tax benefits.
Lock-in Period: Has a 15-year lock-in period but offers partial withdrawals after 7 years.
Recommendation: Continue with PPF for its stability and tax advantages.
National Pension System (NPS)
Retirement Corpus: NPS is designed to build a retirement corpus with tax benefits.
Equity Exposure: Offers equity exposure for higher returns but has restrictions on withdrawals.
Recommendation: Continue NPS for retirement planning, but do not solely rely on it for your Rs 3 crore goal.
Recurring Deposit (RD)
Low Risk: RD offers low-risk returns but generally lower than equity investments.
Short-term Goal: Useful for short-term savings but not ideal for long-term wealth creation.
Recommendation: Evaluate the need for RD; consider redirecting funds to higher-return investments.
Optimizing Your Investment Strategy
To reach Rs 3 crore in 15 years, a well-structured investment strategy is essential.

Increasing SIP Contributions
Aggressive Growth: Increasing SIP contributions in equity mutual funds can help achieve higher returns.
Monthly Contribution: Consider increasing your SIP by an additional Rs 10,000 to Rs 15,000 per month.
Review Regularly: Monitor the performance of your SIPs and adjust as needed to stay on track.
Diversifying Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a higher portion of your investments to equity mutual funds for growth.
Debt Funds: Maintain a portion in debt funds for stability and risk management.
Balanced Funds: Consider balanced or hybrid funds for a mix of growth and stability.
Utilizing Lump Sum Investments
FD Utilization: Use the Rs 1 lakh FD for emergencies or short-term needs; avoid premature withdrawal.
Lump Sum in Mutual Funds: Invest any additional savings or bonuses in mutual funds to boost your corpus.
Planning for Specific Goals
Your primary goal is to accumulate Rs 3 crore by the age of 50. Let’s break down the approach:

Goal-Based Planning
Define Goals: Clearly define milestones such as education, buying a home, or retirement.
Allocate Funds: Allocate investments based on the time horizon and risk appetite for each goal.
Track Progress: Regularly track progress towards each goal and make adjustments as necessary.
Child's Education
Separate Corpus: Create a separate corpus for your child’s education using child-specific mutual funds or education plans.
Time Horizon: Align the investment horizon with the expected timeline for education expenses.
Retirement Planning
NPS and PPF: Continue contributions to NPS and PPF for retirement security.
Equity Exposure: Increase equity exposure to achieve higher returns over the long term.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses without disturbing your investment plan.
Tax Planning and Savings
Effective tax planning can enhance your savings and investment returns.

Utilizing Tax Benefits
Section 80C: Utilize the Rs 1.5 lakh limit under Section 80C through PPF, NPS, and ELSS.
Section 80D: Avail tax benefits on health insurance premiums under Section 80D.
Tax-Free Returns: Prefer investments that offer tax-free returns to maximize post-tax income.
Regular Reviews
Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your investments and tax planning.
Rebalancing Portfolio: Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation and risk level.
Financial Discipline and Monitoring
Maintaining financial discipline is crucial to achieving your long-term goals.

Budgeting
Track Expenses: Keep a detailed record of your monthly expenses to identify areas of saving.
Reduce Unnecessary Spending: Cut down on discretionary spending to increase your investment potential.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity: Keep 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid fund to handle emergencies.
Avoid Debt: Use the emergency fund instead of incurring high-interest debt for unexpected expenses.
Final Insights
Reaching a goal of Rs 3 crore by the age of 50 is achievable with a disciplined and strategic approach. Increase your SIP contributions, diversify your portfolio, and regularly review and adjust your investments. Utilize tax benefits and maintain financial discipline to stay on track. With a focused and proactive strategy, you can achieve your financial goals and secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Hello sir, Debabrata here , i am a psu banker current salary in 85k/- month gross , my NPS balance is 10.80 lakh , i invest my savings in my father’s account in SCSS 15 lakhs , no loan till now , want to retire at 50 with 3 lakh pension , so how i will manage my financial goal ? Guide me
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Goals

Debabrata, thank you for sharing your financial details and goals. Your ambition to retire at 50 with a Rs 3 lakh pension is commendable. Let's delve into how you can achieve this, considering your current situation and future aspirations.

Current Financial Position

Your current monthly gross salary is Rs 85,000, and your NPS balance stands at Rs 10.80 lakh. You have invested Rs 15 lakh in SCSS through your father’s account. You have no existing loans, which is a solid foundation.

Future Financial Needs

To retire at 50 with a Rs 3 lakh monthly pension, we need to assess several factors:

Life Expectancy: Assuming you live till 80, you will need a pension for 30 years post-retirement.

Inflation: Considering an average inflation rate of 6%, your pension needs will increase over time.

Pension Corpus: To generate a Rs 3 lakh monthly pension, you need a substantial corpus. We’ll calculate this in detail.

Calculating the Required Retirement Corpus

To calculate your retirement corpus, we need to consider:

Monthly pension requirement: Rs 3 lakh
Annual pension requirement: Rs 3 lakh x 12 = Rs 36 lakh
Adjusting for inflation: Assuming a 6% inflation rate over 30 years, we need to calculate the future value of your pension needs.

So, you will need approximately Rs 28.95 crore at retirement to sustain a Rs 3 lakh monthly pension.

Current Investments and Savings

NPS (National Pension System): Your NPS balance is Rs 10.80 lakh. This is a good start, but you need to continue contributing regularly.

SCSS (Senior Citizens Savings Scheme): You have invested Rs 15 lakh in SCSS. This is a safe investment but offers limited growth.

Monthly Savings and Investments: To achieve your goal, you need to aggressively save and invest a significant portion of your salary.

Creating a Financial Plan

Increase NPS Contributions: Maximize your NPS contributions to benefit from tax savings and compounding growth. Aim to contribute the maximum limit.

Diversify Investments: Diversify your investments across various asset classes to balance risk and returns. Consider mutual funds, PPF, and other safe investment options.

Mutual Funds: Actively managed mutual funds can offer higher returns compared to index funds. Invest in mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner for expert guidance.

PPF (Public Provident Fund): PPF offers tax-free returns and should be a part of your investment portfolio for its safety and steady growth.

Equity Investments: Allocate a portion of your investments to equities for long-term growth. Equities can provide higher returns but come with higher risk.

Regular Reviews and Adjustments

Annual Reviews: Review your financial plan annually to ensure you are on track. Adjust your investments based on market conditions and life changes.

Risk Management: Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage for life, health, and critical illness to protect your family and assets.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6-12 months of living expenses. This will provide financial security during unforeseen circumstances.

Retirement Planning

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Use SWPs in mutual funds to generate regular income post-retirement. This will provide a steady cash flow while keeping your corpus invested.

Tax Planning: Efficient tax planning can help you save more and invest wisely. Utilize all available tax-saving instruments.

Debt Management: Avoid taking on new loans close to retirement. Focus on becoming debt-free to reduce financial burdens.

Achieving Financial Independence

Disciplined Savings: Maintain a disciplined approach to saving and investing. Automate your investments to ensure consistency.

Increase Savings Rate: Gradually increase your savings rate as your income grows. Aim to save at least 30-40% of your income.

Professional Guidance: Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your financial plan to your specific needs and goals.

Additional Considerations

Lifestyle Adjustments: Consider potential lifestyle changes post-retirement. Adjust your financial plan to accommodate these changes.

Health Care Costs: Factor in rising health care costs in your retirement planning. Ensure you have adequate health insurance.

Legacy Planning: Plan for the distribution of your wealth. Create a will and consider setting up trusts for efficient estate planning.

Conclusion

Debabrata, your goal of retiring at 50 with a Rs 3 lakh pension is achievable with disciplined planning and strategic investments. By following the outlined steps and regularly reviewing your plan, you can ensure a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

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Hi sir, i am 30 year old, working in MNC with salary of 55,000. My monthly expenses includes 26,000 Home loan EMI and 10,000 household expenses. Also annually 53,000 Paying for life insurance payment. Please suggest me how should i manage by finance.
Ans: I understand managing finances can be a bit overwhelming. You are doing a great job balancing your home loan EMI, household expenses, and life insurance payment. Let's break down your financial situation and explore ways to optimize it for a better future.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation
Your monthly salary is Rs 55,000, and you have several financial commitments.

Home loan EMI: Rs 26,000
Household expenses: Rs 10,000
Annual life insurance payment: Rs 53,000
This leaves you with Rs 19,000 each month. Your annual life insurance payment translates to roughly Rs 4,417 per month.

Assessing Your Financial Goals
At 30, you likely have various financial goals.

Building an emergency fund
Saving for future expenses, such as children's education or marriage
Planning for retirement
Enjoying life and achieving personal milestones
Let's break down how to achieve these goals step by step.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. It should cover at least six months of your expenses.

Your monthly expenses total Rs 36,000 (EMI, household expenses, and life insurance).

Aim to save Rs 2,16,000 in your emergency fund.

Start by saving a portion of your Rs 19,000 surplus each month.

Optimizing Your Life Insurance
Review your life insurance policy.

Ensure it provides adequate coverage.

Consider whether it’s an investment cum insurance policy, like ULIPs or endowment plans.

These policies often have high costs and low returns.

If so, think about surrendering it and reinvesting in a more efficient mutual fund.

Exploring Mutual Funds
Mutual funds can be a powerful tool for wealth creation.

They offer diversification and professional management.

Let’s explore the types of mutual funds.

Types of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest in stocks, suitable for long-term goals. Higher returns but more risk.

Debt Funds: Invest in bonds, suitable for short-term goals. Lower returns but safer.

Hybrid Funds: Invest in both stocks and bonds. Balanced risk and return.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Reduces risk by investing in various assets.

Professional Management: Experts handle your investments.

Liquidity: Easily buy and sell mutual fund units.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): Invest small amounts regularly, ensuring disciplined savings.

Power of Compounding
Investing in mutual funds harnesses the power of compounding.

Earnings from your investments generate more earnings.

The earlier you start, the more your money grows over time.

Balancing Risk and Return
Investing always involves some risk.

Understand your risk tolerance before investing.

Equity funds are riskier but can offer higher returns.

Debt funds are safer but with lower returns.

Hybrid funds offer a middle ground.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIPs are a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds.

You can start with a small amount.

It helps in averaging out the cost and reduces market volatility impact.

Reviewing Your Budget
Let's review your budget to free up more funds for investment.

Salary: Rs 55,000
Home loan EMI: Rs 26,000
Household expenses: Rs 10,000
Life insurance: Rs 4,417 (monthly equivalent)
This leaves Rs 14,583 each month.

Reducing Household Expenses
Consider reducing household expenses.

Small savings can add up.

Review your monthly spending and identify areas to cut back.

Increasing Income
Look for opportunities to increase your income.

Could be a part-time job, freelancing, or passive income sources.

Regular Financial Review
Regularly review your financial plan.

Make adjustments based on changes in your life circumstances.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be beneficial.

They can provide personalized advice and help you navigate complex financial decisions.

Final Insights
Balancing financial commitments and planning for the future can be challenging, but with a strategic approach, it's achievable.

Build an emergency fund, optimize your insurance, explore mutual funds, and review your budget regularly.

Your financial journey is unique, and making informed decisions will help you achieve your goals.

Stay disciplined, be patient, and consult a CFP for tailored advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am 29 years old unmarried, earning 90 per month(77 in hand), fixed expense 20k per month. I have sip 25000 per month,I don't have any loans as of now. I have fd of 9.5 lakh,2 lakhs in savings and 4 lakhs lended to someone, mutual fund investment of 12.5 lakhs(including profit) and stock portfolio of 7 lakhs(including profit) ,I have 1 lakh in PPF and 3 lakhs in PF as well.Kindly suggest how can i manage my finance to reach a amount of 1 cr till I am 45 years old. Mutual funds I am investing are- 1- quant else tax saver 2- parag parekh flexi cap 3- HDFC midcap opportunities direct 4- ICICI prudential Bharat 22 ETF 5- quant absolute direct growth 6 - SBI small cap(1k) 7- Quant small cap (2k)
Ans: You’re doing great at 29 with your savings and investments! Let’s see how you can achieve your goal of Rs. 1 crore by the age of 45.

Current Financial Overview
You have a monthly income of Rs. 90,000 and take home Rs. 77,000. Your fixed expenses are Rs. 20,000 per month. Your investments include:

Rs. 9.5 lakhs in Fixed Deposits
Rs. 2 lakhs in Savings
Rs. 4 lakhs lent to someone
Rs. 12.5 lakhs in Mutual Funds
Rs. 7 lakhs in Stocks
Rs. 1 lakh in PPF
Rs. 3 lakhs in PF
You also have a monthly SIP of Rs. 25,000. Your mutual fund investments include a mix of tax saver, flexi cap, midcap, ETF, and small cap funds.

Goals and Planning
Setting a Clear Target
You aim to reach Rs. 1 crore by 45. That’s 16 years from now. Your current investments are well-placed. Now, let’s strategize to ensure you meet your goal.

Investment Strategy
Increase SIP Contribution
Currently, you’re investing Rs. 25,000 per month in SIPs. This is excellent. But increasing your SIP gradually will help you reach your goal faster. Consider increasing your SIP by 10% each year. This will leverage the power of compounding.

For instance, if you start with a SIP of Rs. 25,000 and increase it by 10% annually, it will significantly boost your corpus over the years. The power of compounding means your returns will generate more returns, accelerating your wealth growth.

Review and Optimize Portfolio
Your mutual funds include a good mix. However, it's important to review your portfolio annually. Check the performance of each fund. If any fund underperforms for more than 3 years, consider switching.

Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity
Keep 6 months of expenses as an emergency fund. You have Rs. 2 lakhs in savings, which is good. Ensure this fund is easily accessible. You can use a combination of savings accounts and liquid funds. This ensures you have funds available for unexpected expenses without having to liquidate your investments.

Fixed Deposits and Debt Investments
Utilize Fixed Deposits Wisely
You have Rs. 9.5 lakhs in FDs. FDs are low-risk but offer lower returns. Consider using part of this amount to increase your SIPs or invest in higher-return options like debt funds.

Debt funds can offer better returns than FDs while still being relatively low-risk. They invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities, providing a balance of safety and returns.

Stock Investments
Diversify and Monitor
You have Rs. 7 lakhs in stocks. Stock investments are high-risk, high-return. Ensure you diversify across different sectors. Regularly monitor and review your stock portfolio. Avoid putting all eggs in one basket.

Diversification reduces risk. If one sector underperforms, others may perform well, balancing your overall returns. Regular monitoring helps you stay updated on market trends and make timely adjustments.

PPF and PF Contributions
Long-Term Stability
You have Rs. 1 lakh in PPF and Rs. 3 lakhs in PF. These are great for long-term stability and tax benefits. Continue contributing to these regularly. PPF matures in 15 years, aligning well with your goal.

PPF and PF provide guaranteed returns and tax benefits. They are excellent for long-term financial security and should be a core part of your investment strategy.

Lending and Recovering Funds
Ensure Safety
You have Rs. 4 lakhs lent to someone. Make sure to recover this amount in time. Consider the safety and reliability of the borrower. Use this money to invest further once recovered.

Lending money can be risky. Ensure you have proper agreements in place and track repayment. Once recovered, reinvest it to generate returns.

Additional Investments and Insurance
Health and Life Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance. Life insurance is crucial too, especially once you have dependents. Consider term insurance for adequate coverage.

Adequate insurance protects you and your family from financial distress in case of medical emergencies or untimely demise. Term insurance is cost-effective and provides substantial coverage.

Building Retirement Corpus and Child Education Fund
Power of Compounding
Mutual funds are excellent for building a retirement corpus. The power of compounding works wonders over long periods. Start early, invest regularly, and stay invested. This helps in growing wealth significantly.

Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential for high returns over the long term. Compounding means you earn returns on your returns, exponentially growing your wealth.

Mutual Funds vs. Direct Stocks
Mutual funds offer diversification, professional management, and lower risk compared to direct stocks. They are suitable for investors who prefer a hands-off approach. Direct stocks require active management and market knowledge. Mutual funds are more consistent for long-term goals.

Direct stocks can provide high returns but require market knowledge and time to manage. Mutual funds, managed by professionals, offer diversification and consistent returns, making them suitable for most investors.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Annual Review
Review your financial plan annually. Adjust SIPs, check fund performance, and rebalance your portfolio. Stay informed about market trends and economic changes. Adjust your strategy as needed.

Regular reviews ensure your investments are aligned with your goals. Rebalancing helps maintain the desired asset allocation, reducing risk and optimizing returns.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make informed investment decisions. This professional expertise can lead to better returns compared to individual stock investments.

Diversification
Mutual funds invest in a variety of securities, spreading risk. Diversification reduces the impact of poor performance by any single investment.

Systematic Investment
Mutual funds allow systematic investment plans (SIPs), enabling disciplined investing. SIPs help in averaging the cost of investments and reduce market timing risk.

Liquidity
Mutual funds offer high liquidity. You can redeem your investments anytime, providing flexibility in managing your funds.

Tax Efficiency
Equity mutual funds are tax-efficient, offering benefits like long-term capital gains tax exemption up to a certain limit. ELSS funds provide tax deductions under Section 80C.

Final Insights
Planning your finances to achieve Rs. 1 crore by 45 is attainable with disciplined investing and regular reviews. Ensure you maintain a diversified portfolio, leverage the power of compounding, and keep your goals in focus. Stay consistent with your investments, and increase contributions gradually. Remember, financial planning is a dynamic process. Regular reviews and adjustments are key to staying on track. Your current financial habits are commendable, and with these strategies, you’re well on your way to achieving your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
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I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

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I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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