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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 27, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi I am 29 years old unmarried, earning 90 per month(77 in hand), fixed expense 20k per month. I have sip 25000 per month,I don't have any loans as of now. I have fd of 9.5 lakh,2 lakhs in savings and 4 lakhs lended to someone, mutual fund investment of 12.5 lakhs(including profit) and stock portfolio of 7 lakhs(including profit) ,I have 1 lakh in PPF and 3 lakhs in PF as well.Kindly suggest how can i manage my finance to reach a amount of 1 cr till I am 45 years old. Mutual funds I am investing are- 1- quant else tax saver 2- parag parekh flexi cap 3- HDFC midcap opportunities direct 4- ICICI prudential Bharat 22 ETF 5- quant absolute direct growth 6 - SBI small cap(1k) 7- Quant small cap (2k)

Ans: You’re doing great at 29 with your savings and investments! Let’s see how you can achieve your goal of Rs. 1 crore by the age of 45.

Current Financial Overview
You have a monthly income of Rs. 90,000 and take home Rs. 77,000. Your fixed expenses are Rs. 20,000 per month. Your investments include:

Rs. 9.5 lakhs in Fixed Deposits
Rs. 2 lakhs in Savings
Rs. 4 lakhs lent to someone
Rs. 12.5 lakhs in Mutual Funds
Rs. 7 lakhs in Stocks
Rs. 1 lakh in PPF
Rs. 3 lakhs in PF
You also have a monthly SIP of Rs. 25,000. Your mutual fund investments include a mix of tax saver, flexi cap, midcap, ETF, and small cap funds.

Goals and Planning
Setting a Clear Target
You aim to reach Rs. 1 crore by 45. That’s 16 years from now. Your current investments are well-placed. Now, let’s strategize to ensure you meet your goal.

Investment Strategy
Increase SIP Contribution
Currently, you’re investing Rs. 25,000 per month in SIPs. This is excellent. But increasing your SIP gradually will help you reach your goal faster. Consider increasing your SIP by 10% each year. This will leverage the power of compounding.

For instance, if you start with a SIP of Rs. 25,000 and increase it by 10% annually, it will significantly boost your corpus over the years. The power of compounding means your returns will generate more returns, accelerating your wealth growth.

Review and Optimize Portfolio
Your mutual funds include a good mix. However, it's important to review your portfolio annually. Check the performance of each fund. If any fund underperforms for more than 3 years, consider switching.

Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity
Keep 6 months of expenses as an emergency fund. You have Rs. 2 lakhs in savings, which is good. Ensure this fund is easily accessible. You can use a combination of savings accounts and liquid funds. This ensures you have funds available for unexpected expenses without having to liquidate your investments.

Fixed Deposits and Debt Investments
Utilize Fixed Deposits Wisely
You have Rs. 9.5 lakhs in FDs. FDs are low-risk but offer lower returns. Consider using part of this amount to increase your SIPs or invest in higher-return options like debt funds.

Debt funds can offer better returns than FDs while still being relatively low-risk. They invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities, providing a balance of safety and returns.

Stock Investments
Diversify and Monitor
You have Rs. 7 lakhs in stocks. Stock investments are high-risk, high-return. Ensure you diversify across different sectors. Regularly monitor and review your stock portfolio. Avoid putting all eggs in one basket.

Diversification reduces risk. If one sector underperforms, others may perform well, balancing your overall returns. Regular monitoring helps you stay updated on market trends and make timely adjustments.

PPF and PF Contributions
Long-Term Stability
You have Rs. 1 lakh in PPF and Rs. 3 lakhs in PF. These are great for long-term stability and tax benefits. Continue contributing to these regularly. PPF matures in 15 years, aligning well with your goal.

PPF and PF provide guaranteed returns and tax benefits. They are excellent for long-term financial security and should be a core part of your investment strategy.

Lending and Recovering Funds
Ensure Safety
You have Rs. 4 lakhs lent to someone. Make sure to recover this amount in time. Consider the safety and reliability of the borrower. Use this money to invest further once recovered.

Lending money can be risky. Ensure you have proper agreements in place and track repayment. Once recovered, reinvest it to generate returns.

Additional Investments and Insurance
Health and Life Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance. Life insurance is crucial too, especially once you have dependents. Consider term insurance for adequate coverage.

Adequate insurance protects you and your family from financial distress in case of medical emergencies or untimely demise. Term insurance is cost-effective and provides substantial coverage.

Building Retirement Corpus and Child Education Fund
Power of Compounding
Mutual funds are excellent for building a retirement corpus. The power of compounding works wonders over long periods. Start early, invest regularly, and stay invested. This helps in growing wealth significantly.

Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential for high returns over the long term. Compounding means you earn returns on your returns, exponentially growing your wealth.

Mutual Funds vs. Direct Stocks
Mutual funds offer diversification, professional management, and lower risk compared to direct stocks. They are suitable for investors who prefer a hands-off approach. Direct stocks require active management and market knowledge. Mutual funds are more consistent for long-term goals.

Direct stocks can provide high returns but require market knowledge and time to manage. Mutual funds, managed by professionals, offer diversification and consistent returns, making them suitable for most investors.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Annual Review
Review your financial plan annually. Adjust SIPs, check fund performance, and rebalance your portfolio. Stay informed about market trends and economic changes. Adjust your strategy as needed.

Regular reviews ensure your investments are aligned with your goals. Rebalancing helps maintain the desired asset allocation, reducing risk and optimizing returns.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management
Mutual funds are managed by experienced fund managers who make informed investment decisions. This professional expertise can lead to better returns compared to individual stock investments.

Diversification
Mutual funds invest in a variety of securities, spreading risk. Diversification reduces the impact of poor performance by any single investment.

Systematic Investment
Mutual funds allow systematic investment plans (SIPs), enabling disciplined investing. SIPs help in averaging the cost of investments and reduce market timing risk.

Liquidity
Mutual funds offer high liquidity. You can redeem your investments anytime, providing flexibility in managing your funds.

Tax Efficiency
Equity mutual funds are tax-efficient, offering benefits like long-term capital gains tax exemption up to a certain limit. ELSS funds provide tax deductions under Section 80C.

Final Insights
Planning your finances to achieve Rs. 1 crore by 45 is attainable with disciplined investing and regular reviews. Ensure you maintain a diversified portfolio, leverage the power of compounding, and keep your goals in focus. Stay consistent with your investments, and increase contributions gradually. Remember, financial planning is a dynamic process. Regular reviews and adjustments are key to staying on track. Your current financial habits are commendable, and with these strategies, you’re well on your way to achieving your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
Asked on - Jul 16, 2024 | Answered on Jul 17, 2024
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Thank you so much sir for your guidance regarding my investment journey, this is going to help me alot and I am surely going to use provided suggestions in upcoming future.
Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

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Hi I am 39 years old, I would like to invest in mutual funds. Below is my portfolio Have one Flat worth 1cr and i am staying in that. Have 3 plots each worth 50Lacs. And have loan of 42 Lac Emi is 43000 and expense is 30K. And 2Lac school fee every year for kid one Monthly take home is 1.3Lac Mutual funds have 1Lac investment. PPF 5Lac, PF 21Lac, NPS 10Lac. Sukanya 5Lac. Current Savins EPF 20000pm, NPS - 10000pm, Mutual funds- 8K. Term insurance 1cr, health insurance 10lac i have I would like to create corpus for retirement, kids education and marriage, have two kids 7 and 1 year. Please suggest how to allocate . Following is my Mutual fund portfolio, 1000sip in all categories, large cap, mid cap, small cap, multi and flexi cap, balanced advantage fund.
Ans: It's wonderful to see your proactive approach to financial planning, especially considering your family's future needs and goals. Let's discuss how to allocate your investments to create a solid corpus for retirement, kids' education, and marriage:

• First, let's address your existing assets – your flat and plots. These are valuable assets that can contribute to your overall net worth.
• However, it's crucial not to rely solely on real estate for your investment portfolio diversification.

• With regards to your loans, it's advisable to prioritize paying off high-interest debts, like your loan with a 42 lakh balance.
• By reducing debt, you can free up more funds for investments and increase your financial flexibility.

• Now, let's focus on your monthly expenses, including your child's school fees and other living expenses.
• It's essential to budget wisely and ensure that your investment contributions don't compromise your day-to-day financial stability.

• Your existing investments in PPF, PF, NPS, and Sukanya are commendable. These provide a solid foundation for your financial future.
• You can continue contributing to these instruments while also exploring additional investment avenues to diversify your portfolio.

• Considering your investment horizon and risk tolerance, mutual funds offer an excellent opportunity for long-term growth.
• Your current SIP portfolio across different categories – large cap, mid cap, small cap, multi, and flexi cap – is well-diversified.

• As a Certified Financial Planner, I would suggest reviewing your asset allocation and ensuring it aligns with your financial goals.
• Allocate a portion of your monthly savings towards increasing your SIP contributions to mutual funds, aiming for a balanced mix across categories.

• Additionally, consider increasing your contributions to retirement-focused instruments like NPS, which offer tax benefits and long-term wealth accumulation.
• For your children's education and marriage goals, consider setting up separate SIPs or investment accounts dedicated to these objectives.

• Lastly, ensure you have adequate insurance coverage, including term insurance and health insurance, to protect your family's financial well-being.
• Regularly review your financial plan, adjust as needed, and stay committed to your long-term goals.

By following these steps and staying disciplined with your investments, you'll be well-prepared to achieve your financial aspirations and provide for your family's future needs. Keep up the good work, and remember that consistency and patience are key to success!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 13, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I am 35 years old, earning 1.20 lakh per month, fixed expense 40k per month. I have sip 13000 & ppf monthly i deposit 5000, nps monthly 4000, lic yearly 43000 premium. I have car laon of 11000/month,also having recurring deposit of 4000/month. I have fd of 1 lakh. Kindly suggest how can i manage my finance to reach goal of 3 crore by 50 years of age
Ans: I understand your desire to reach a goal of Rs 3 crore by the age of 50. You’re on the right track by investing regularly. Let’s assess your current financial situation and develop a strategy to achieve your goal.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
To create an effective plan, we first need to review your current financial commitments and investments.

Income and Expenses
Monthly Income: Rs 1.20 lakh
Fixed Expenses: Rs 40,000 per month
Existing Investments
SIP: Rs 13,000 per month
PPF: Rs 5,000 per month
NPS: Rs 4,000 per month
Recurring Deposit: Rs 4,000 per month
FD: Rs 1 lakh
Liabilities
Car Loan: Rs 11,000 per month
LIC Premium: Rs 43,000 annually
Calculating Available Funds
After accounting for your fixed expenses and loan repayment, let’s determine the available funds for additional investments.

Total Income: Rs 1.20 lakh
Total Fixed Expenses and Loan: Rs 40,000 + Rs 11,000 = Rs 51,000
Remaining Amount: Rs 1,20,000 - Rs 51,000 = Rs 69,000
You currently invest Rs 26,000 monthly (SIP + PPF + NPS + RD). This leaves you with Rs 43,000 for potential additional investments.

Evaluating Your Investment Portfolio
Your current investments are diversified across different instruments. Let’s analyze each one to optimize your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIP)
Growth Potential: SIPs in mutual funds are good for long-term wealth creation.
Flexibility: Allows for periodic review and adjustment based on performance.
Recommendation: Consider increasing your SIP allocation to leverage the power of compounding.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Security: PPF is a safe investment with decent returns and tax benefits.
Lock-in Period: Has a 15-year lock-in period but offers partial withdrawals after 7 years.
Recommendation: Continue with PPF for its stability and tax advantages.
National Pension System (NPS)
Retirement Corpus: NPS is designed to build a retirement corpus with tax benefits.
Equity Exposure: Offers equity exposure for higher returns but has restrictions on withdrawals.
Recommendation: Continue NPS for retirement planning, but do not solely rely on it for your Rs 3 crore goal.
Recurring Deposit (RD)
Low Risk: RD offers low-risk returns but generally lower than equity investments.
Short-term Goal: Useful for short-term savings but not ideal for long-term wealth creation.
Recommendation: Evaluate the need for RD; consider redirecting funds to higher-return investments.
Optimizing Your Investment Strategy
To reach Rs 3 crore in 15 years, a well-structured investment strategy is essential.

Increasing SIP Contributions
Aggressive Growth: Increasing SIP contributions in equity mutual funds can help achieve higher returns.
Monthly Contribution: Consider increasing your SIP by an additional Rs 10,000 to Rs 15,000 per month.
Review Regularly: Monitor the performance of your SIPs and adjust as needed to stay on track.
Diversifying Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a higher portion of your investments to equity mutual funds for growth.
Debt Funds: Maintain a portion in debt funds for stability and risk management.
Balanced Funds: Consider balanced or hybrid funds for a mix of growth and stability.
Utilizing Lump Sum Investments
FD Utilization: Use the Rs 1 lakh FD for emergencies or short-term needs; avoid premature withdrawal.
Lump Sum in Mutual Funds: Invest any additional savings or bonuses in mutual funds to boost your corpus.
Planning for Specific Goals
Your primary goal is to accumulate Rs 3 crore by the age of 50. Let’s break down the approach:

Goal-Based Planning
Define Goals: Clearly define milestones such as education, buying a home, or retirement.
Allocate Funds: Allocate investments based on the time horizon and risk appetite for each goal.
Track Progress: Regularly track progress towards each goal and make adjustments as necessary.
Child's Education
Separate Corpus: Create a separate corpus for your child’s education using child-specific mutual funds or education plans.
Time Horizon: Align the investment horizon with the expected timeline for education expenses.
Retirement Planning
NPS and PPF: Continue contributions to NPS and PPF for retirement security.
Equity Exposure: Increase equity exposure to achieve higher returns over the long term.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses without disturbing your investment plan.
Tax Planning and Savings
Effective tax planning can enhance your savings and investment returns.

Utilizing Tax Benefits
Section 80C: Utilize the Rs 1.5 lakh limit under Section 80C through PPF, NPS, and ELSS.
Section 80D: Avail tax benefits on health insurance premiums under Section 80D.
Tax-Free Returns: Prefer investments that offer tax-free returns to maximize post-tax income.
Regular Reviews
Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your investments and tax planning.
Rebalancing Portfolio: Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation and risk level.
Financial Discipline and Monitoring
Maintaining financial discipline is crucial to achieving your long-term goals.

Budgeting
Track Expenses: Keep a detailed record of your monthly expenses to identify areas of saving.
Reduce Unnecessary Spending: Cut down on discretionary spending to increase your investment potential.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity: Keep 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid fund to handle emergencies.
Avoid Debt: Use the emergency fund instead of incurring high-interest debt for unexpected expenses.
Final Insights
Reaching a goal of Rs 3 crore by the age of 50 is achievable with a disciplined and strategic approach. Increase your SIP contributions, diversify your portfolio, and regularly review and adjust your investments. Utilize tax benefits and maintain financial discipline to stay on track. With a focused and proactive strategy, you can achieve your financial goals and secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi i am 33 yr old male. With monthly in hand salary of 1.2 lakh. I have mutual fund of 3.5lakh. PF is around 8 lakh PPF is around 1 lakh and NPS of 2lakh. I invest aroud 10k per month in sip and 50k in NPS per year . And PPF varies from 20-40k per year . I have a loan of 36lakh(home loan) . I have a baby boy of 2 yrs. Currently the home i bought is under construction so i need to pay EMI and Rent which is around 48k per month.My monthly expence is around 65K excluding rent and emi . Requesting you to please guide me in How can i manage to create a fund for my child education and manage my retirement fund
Ans: First, let's take stock of your current financial position. You have a monthly salary of Rs 1.2 lakh. Your investments include Rs 3.5 lakh in mutual funds, Rs 8 lakh in PF, Rs 1 lakh in PPF, and Rs 2 lakh in NPS. You also have a home loan of Rs 36 lakh and a young child to support. Your monthly expenses are Rs 65,000, excluding rent and EMI, which are Rs 48,000 combined.

Your commitment to investments is commendable, with Rs 10,000 in SIPs monthly, Rs 50,000 annually in NPS, and varying contributions to PPF.

Prioritizing Financial Goals
To manage your finances effectively, it's crucial to prioritize your goals. Your primary objectives are:

Creating a fund for your child's education.

Building a robust retirement corpus.

Child's Education Fund
Education costs are rising, so planning early is essential. Here's a step-by-step approach:

Estimating Future Education Costs
Estimate the future cost of your child's education. Consider factors like inflation and the type of education you aim for. Generally, education costs double every 7-8 years.

Investment Options for Education Fund
Mutual Funds: Continue with your SIPs. Consider allocating more to equity mutual funds for higher returns, especially if you have a long investment horizon.

PPF: This is a safe investment with tax benefits. Keep contributing, but prioritize higher-return options for long-term goals.

Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana: If you have a girl child, this scheme offers good returns and tax benefits.

Diversification
Diversify your investments. Don't rely solely on one investment type. Balance between equity, debt, and other instruments.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Retirement planning requires a disciplined and strategic approach. Here’s how you can strengthen your retirement fund:

Assessing Retirement Needs
Estimate your post-retirement expenses. Consider inflation, healthcare costs, and lifestyle changes. This helps in setting a realistic retirement corpus target.

Investment Strategies for Retirement
Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Continue with EPF as it offers a secure, long-term investment with tax benefits.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Maintain your contributions to PPF for its safety and tax benefits.

National Pension System (NPS): Your current Rs 50,000 annual contribution is good. Consider increasing this amount as your income grows.

Mutual Funds: Invest in a mix of equity and debt funds. Equity funds offer higher returns but come with higher risks. Debt funds provide stability.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Increase your SIP contributions gradually. This will help in compounding your investments over time.

Managing Home Loan and Rent
Paying both EMI and rent is a significant financial burden. Here are some suggestions:

Reducing Loan Tenure
If possible, make prepayments on your home loan. This reduces the tenure and interest burden. Use bonuses or windfalls for this purpose.

Budgeting and Expense Management
Review and cut down unnecessary expenses. Create a monthly budget and stick to it. This helps in freeing up more funds for investments.

Insurance and Emergency Fund
Having adequate insurance and an emergency fund is crucial. Here's what you need to consider:

Life Insurance
Ensure you have sufficient life insurance coverage. Term insurance is a good option as it offers high coverage at low premiums.

Health Insurance
Adequate health insurance is essential to cover medical emergencies without dipping into savings.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This provides a financial cushion during unforeseen events.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Financial planning is not a one-time activity. Regularly review and adjust your investments based on changing goals, market conditions, and personal circumstances.

Annual Review
Conduct an annual review of your financial plan. Assess the performance of your investments and make necessary adjustments.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. They can provide tailored solutions based on your financial situation and goals.

Balancing Risk and Returns
Balancing risk and returns is crucial for a robust financial plan. Here’s how to manage it effectively:

Risk Tolerance
Understand your risk tolerance. Younger investors can afford higher risks for potentially higher returns. As you near your goals, shift towards safer investments.

Diversified Portfolio
Diversify your portfolio across asset classes. This reduces risk and enhances potential returns.

Utilizing Tax Benefits
Leverage tax-saving investment options to reduce your tax liability. Here's how:

Section 80C Investments
Invest in instruments eligible for tax deduction under Section 80C, such as PPF, EPF, and ELSS mutual funds.

NPS Tax Benefits
NPS offers additional tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B) for contributions up to Rs 50,000.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Avoiding common financial mistakes can save you from future troubles. Here are some to watch out for:

High-Interest Loans
Avoid high-interest loans like credit cards or personal loans. Prioritize clearing these debts if you have any.

Impulsive Investments
Avoid making impulsive investments without proper research. Stick to your financial plan.

Encouragement and Appreciation
Your proactive approach to financial planning is commendable. Balancing multiple financial goals while managing a family and loan is challenging, but your dedication is evident. Keep up the good work, and remember, small consistent efforts lead to significant financial stability over time.

Final Insights
Securing your child's education fund and building a retirement corpus requires a strategic, disciplined approach. Prioritize your goals, diversify your investments, and regularly review your financial plan. By following these steps, you can achieve financial stability and ensure a secure future for your family.

Keep up the great work, and feel free to reach out for further guidance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 26, 2024Hindi
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I (30M) am looking for Arranged Marriage Prospects. My Family has found a Prospect (27F) who seems like a Good Match, she's Well Educated, Earning Well & from the same Community. I haven't yet met her in Person, but connected with her on Social Media Platforms & interacting regularly. Recently, I scrolled through her Instagram Profile (It's a Public Profile). She seems to be a very Sociable Person, she has shared many Photos of herself, Partying/Travelling along with her Friends. My Problem is that she seems to like Wearing Clothes which are Revealing. She has shared many Photos/Videos, in which she's skimpily dressed (including some Bikini Photos at Beach/Swimming Pool). She also has a Pierced Navel Ring & Tattoos on some Private Parts like Chest, Hips, Thighs & Lower Back, which she flaunts proudly on Social Media. Though, I am not Judging her Character, based on her Choice of Clothing, but seeing all these made me a little Uncomfortable, as I am a very Modest & Simple Person myself. I have not discussed this issue with my Parents, as they have a very good opinion about her (which I don't want to Ruin). But I've discussed with some of my closest Friends (of both Genders) & some of them have Chided me for being so Judgemental. They suggested me to meet her atleast once in person, to understand what's her Character/Personality like. Shall I give it a try or Reject her Politely at this stage itself, without wasting any more Time (either her or mine)? Or am I being too Superficial to Judge a Woman, just based on her Social Media Profile, without even meeting her once, personally (This is what some of my closest Female Friends opined)? Please suggest me how to proceed with this Prospect in Arranged Marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I know it might come off as you being judgmental of her choice of dressing, but you have a right to form an opinion in your mind, especially since in your case, you might be marrying the person. As long as you are not making up your mind about her based on her dressing, forcing her to dress the way she wants, or thrusting your opinion on her, it's alright. It's human nature to be a bit jerked by the choices others make that we won't make ourselves. Having said that, I believe meeting her once in person can be good for you; you might have a new perspective- both about her and on life. But no one can force you to do either. My suggestion is that do what you think is right- if you are sure you will reject this alliance based on her choice of clothes, even if she is the nicest person on the face of the earth, meeting up might be a waste of time. But if you think you are open to changing your mind, go for it.

I would also like for you to remember one important point if things work out between the two of you- do not try to push your opinions on dressing and change the way she is after getting married. That would not be fair. In case, you start hoping that she will change and fit YOUR mold of the perfect woman, I would strongly suggest keeping that thought in check.

Best Wishes.

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