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How to Invest with a Monthly Salary of 2 Lakhs?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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I am 33 years old with a monthly salary of 2 lakhs. I have a 6 year old son. I have a home loan of 37 lakhs. Monthly expenses 31500 of home loan emi , house expenses 60000 . I have no emergency fund. I have to start investing in mutual fund and stocks . Please help in guiding me for the same to build the portfolio within next 15 to 20 years

Ans: You are 33 years old, earning Rs. 2 lakhs per month. You have a 6-year-old son. You have a home loan of Rs. 37 lakhs, with an EMI of Rs. 31,500. Your house expenses total Rs. 60,000 per month. You do not have an emergency fund and are looking to start investing in mutual funds. Given your situation, it’s best to focus on mutual funds rather than direct stocks.

Setting Up an Emergency Fund
Before starting your investments, the first priority is to establish an emergency fund. This fund should cover at least six months of your essential expenses. Based on your current expenses, aim to build an emergency fund of Rs. 6-8 lakhs.

Begin by setting aside a portion of your monthly income.

Keep this fund in a liquid instrument like a savings account or a liquid mutual fund.

This will provide a financial cushion in case of unforeseen events.

Balancing Your Debt
Your home loan is a significant commitment. But considering the benefits of owning property and the tax deductions on interest payments, continue with the EMI payments.

Ensure that you are not over-leveraged.

Prioritize paying off the loan as per your comfort, but do not rush into prepayments if it compromises your investment potential.

Investing in Mutual Funds
Given your long-term goal of building a portfolio over the next 15 to 20 years, mutual funds are an excellent option. They offer diversification, professional management, and the potential for higher returns compared to traditional savings instruments.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) is a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. It allows you to invest a fixed amount every month, which can align with your cash flow and risk tolerance.

Start with a SIP amount that you are comfortable with.

Over time, as your income increases, you can increase your SIP contributions.

Types of Mutual Funds
To build a robust portfolio, consider a mix of different types of mutual funds:

Equity Mutual Funds: These funds invest primarily in stocks and are suitable for long-term growth. They come with higher risk but also have the potential for higher returns. Since you are young and have a long investment horizon, allocate a significant portion of your investment here.

Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in fixed-income securities and are less risky compared to equity funds. They offer stability to your portfolio.

Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt. They balance growth with stability, making them suitable if you want to reduce risk without compromising on potential returns.

Importance of Professional Guidance
Investing in direct stocks can be tempting, but it requires time, knowledge, and constant monitoring. As a 33-year-old with other responsibilities, it is wise to stick to mutual funds managed by professionals. These funds are overseen by fund managers who have the expertise to navigate market volatility and identify investment opportunities.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Your financial goals and situation may change over time. Regularly review your investments to ensure they align with your goals. Rebalance your portfolio if necessary, but avoid making frequent changes based on short-term market movements.

Tax Planning
Mutual funds also offer tax-efficient options. Equity-linked saving schemes (ELSS) can provide tax benefits under Section 80C. Consider investing in ELSS as part of your overall tax planning strategy.

Building Wealth Over Time
With a systematic approach to investing in mutual funds, you can build a substantial corpus over the next 15 to 20 years. The key is consistency, patience, and sticking to your plan without getting swayed by market noise.

Final Insights
Focus on building a strong financial foundation with an emergency fund and a balanced mutual fund portfolio. Avoid the complexities of direct stock investing, and let your investments grow over time through the power of compounding.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Money
im 38. have monthly income of 3.5 lakhs. recently closed plot loan of 36lakhs,i boughht home of around 18lakhs. ancestor property worth of 60lakhs. pf of 25lakhs. 10 lakhs in equity or shares directly. to close the housing loan i have closed couple of mutual funds. planning to invest in mutual funds. can you check my portfolio and suggest me the mutual funds. i dont have any plans to retire now.
Ans: Your financial discipline and strategic planning are impressive. It's clear you have a solid foundation, and it's wonderful to see you actively engaging in managing your portfolio. Given your goals and current situation, let's review your portfolio and suggest an investment plan that aligns with your objectives.

Current Financial Overview
Monthly Income: Rs 3.5 lakhs
Recently Closed Plot Loan: Rs 36 lakhs
Home Value: Rs 18 lakhs
Ancestral Property: Rs 60 lakhs
Provident Fund (PF): Rs 25 lakhs
Equity/Shares: Rs 10 lakhs
Recently Closed Mutual Funds: For housing loan repayment
Objectives
Rebuild Mutual Fund Investments
Grow your wealth through strategic investments
Plan for your daughter’s education
Secure your retirement
Build a diversified portfolio
Genuine Compliments
You’ve done exceptionally well in managing your finances, closing significant loans, and maintaining a robust income. Your proactive approach towards investing and securing your financial future is commendable. Now, let’s ensure your investments are optimized for growth and aligned with your goals.

Rebuilding Mutual Fund Investments
To rebuild your mutual fund investments, focus on diversification, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

Equity Mutual Funds
Large-Cap Funds:
These funds invest in large, stable companies. Suitable for long-term growth and relatively lower risk.
Mid-Cap Funds:
Invest in mid-sized companies with high growth potential. Higher returns but with increased risk.
Multi-Cap Funds:
Diversified across large, mid, and small-cap stocks. Good for balanced growth.
Debt Mutual Funds
Short-Term Debt Funds:
Suitable for goals within 1-3 years. These funds offer better returns than savings accounts.
Long-Term Debt Funds:
Ideal for goals beyond 3 years. They provide stability and regular income.
Hybrid Funds
Balanced Funds:
Invest in both equity and debt. Suitable for moderate risk tolerance and balanced growth.
Dynamic Asset Allocation Funds:
Adjust equity and debt exposure based on market conditions. They provide a balanced risk-return profile.
Diversified Investment Strategy
Equity Investments
Continue with direct equity investments but diversify across sectors to manage risk. Regularly review your portfolio to align with market trends.

Provident Fund (PF)
Your PF is a solid component of your retirement corpus. Continue regular contributions to benefit from compounding and tax benefits.

Daughter’s Education Planning
Given your daughter’s age, you have ample time to build a substantial education corpus. Here are a few strategies:

Equity Mutual Funds through SIP:
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity mutual funds can offer higher returns over the long term.
Child Education Plans:
These are specifically designed to accumulate funds for your child's higher education. They come with a lock-in period which ensures the fund remains untouched until required.
Recurring Deposits:
Open a recurring deposit to systematically save a fixed amount every month. This will add to your education corpus.
Retirement Planning
Although you don’t plan to retire soon, it’s essential to ensure your retirement corpus is growing.

NPS (National Pension System)
Increase NPS Contribution:
Enhance your contribution to NPS. It provides a mix of equity, corporate bonds, and government securities, offering market-linked returns.
PPF (Public Provident Fund):
Continue contributing to PPF for its tax-free returns and security.
Equity and Balanced Funds
Continue SIPs in Equity Funds:
Equity has the potential to offer high returns over a long investment horizon. This will help build a substantial corpus for retirement.
Balanced or Hybrid Funds:
These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt, providing moderate returns with relatively lower risk.
Portfolio Optimization and Reallocation
Reduce Savings Account Holdings
Large sums in a savings account are underutilized. Transfer a portion to short-term debt funds or recurring deposits for better returns.

Re-evaluate Fixed Deposits
While FDs are safe, consider diversifying into debt funds for potentially higher returns without significantly increasing risk.

Increase Equity Exposure
Given your long-term goals, slightly increasing your equity exposure could enhance overall portfolio returns. Balance this with your risk tolerance.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Investments need regular monitoring. Periodically review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. Make adjustments based on market conditions and personal financial changes.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can enhance your net returns. Ensure you maximize tax-saving investments under Section 80C, 80D, and other relevant sections. Utilize the benefits of tax-efficient investment options.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, kept in liquid funds or a savings account. It acts as a financial safety net for unforeseen circumstances.

Insurance Planning
Adequate insurance coverage is crucial. Ensure you have sufficient life and health insurance. Avoid investment-cum-insurance plans as they often provide lower returns. Opt for term insurance and separate investments.

Final Insights
You've built a solid foundation for your financial future. With systematic planning and disciplined investing, you can achieve your goals. Regularly review your investments and adjust them as needed to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 01, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 50year old .i am doctor by profession.My wife is also doctor and govt.employee.our mo thly income is 4lakh.i have invested in real estate,ulip and guaranteed plans.Now i invested in mutual funds for last 3-4 month in motilal oswal mid cap,nippon large cap,quant small cap,quant infrastructure direct fund ,Sbi contra fund and tata small cap.I can invest 1 lakh per month and even more.PLease guide me in my portfolio and other investment to create fund for retirement of 3-4 lakh per month
Ans: At 50 years old, with a stable income of Rs. 4 lakhs per month, you are in a strong financial position. Both you and your wife being doctors and having government jobs provide a solid financial foundation. You aim to build a retirement corpus that provides Rs. 3-4 lakhs per month. This goal is realistic but requires careful planning and adjustments to your current investment strategy.

Evaluating Your Existing Investments
You have diversified your investments across real estate, ULIPs, guaranteed plans, and mutual funds. However, it’s important to assess how well these align with your retirement goals.

Real Estate Investments
Real estate can be a good long-term investment. However, it often lacks liquidity. In the context of retirement planning, liquidity is crucial. If you need funds quickly, selling real estate might not be easy. Also, the returns from real estate can be inconsistent. While it has growth potential, the market is also subject to downturns.

ULIPs and Guaranteed Plans
ULIPs and guaranteed plans often come with high fees and lower returns. The insurance component in these plans usually dilutes the investment returns. For someone aiming to build a retirement corpus, these might not be the most efficient options. It might be wise to consider surrendering these policies and reinvesting in more growth-oriented instruments like mutual funds.

Current Mutual Fund Investments
You have started investing in mutual funds, which is a positive step. Your portfolio includes mid-cap, large-cap, small-cap, infrastructure, and contra funds. While diversification is good, it’s important to ensure that each investment aligns with your long-term goals.

Assessment of Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Let’s take a closer look at your current mutual fund investments and evaluate their suitability for your retirement goal.

Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds have the potential for high growth. They invest in medium-sized companies that are likely to grow over time. However, they also come with higher risk compared to large-cap funds. While it’s good to have mid-cap exposure, it’s important to balance it with more stable investments.

Large-Cap Funds
Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies. These companies have a track record of stability and growth. Large-cap funds are less volatile than mid or small-cap funds. They provide steady returns and are essential in a retirement portfolio.

Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds can deliver high returns, but they are also highly volatile. Investing in small-cap funds is risky, especially as you approach retirement. While they can be part of your portfolio, the allocation should be limited.

Infrastructure and Contra Funds
Infrastructure funds invest in companies involved in infrastructure development. They can provide good returns, but they are also subject to sector-specific risks. Contra funds, on the other hand, invest in underperforming sectors with the hope of a turnaround. These funds can be rewarding but require a long-term horizon and carry higher risk.

Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require active management. If you are not monitoring your investments closely, direct funds might not be ideal. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help manage this, as they provide professional advice and regular reviews.

Recommendations for Portfolio Adjustment
To create a robust retirement fund, it’s crucial to refine your portfolio. Here’s how you can do that:

Rebalance Your Mutual Fund Portfolio
Increase Allocation to Large-Cap Funds: Large-cap funds provide stability and should form the core of your portfolio. Consider increasing your allocation to these funds for steady growth.

Reduce Exposure to Small-Cap Funds: While small-cap funds offer high growth potential, they also carry high risk. Given your retirement goal, it’s advisable to reduce exposure to small-cap funds and reallocate to more stable options.

Consider Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in both equity and debt instruments. They provide a balanced risk-reward ratio and are suitable for investors nearing retirement. They offer stability while still providing growth opportunities.

Limit Sector-Specific Funds: Infrastructure and contra funds are subject to sector-specific risks. It might be wise to limit your exposure to these funds and focus on more diversified funds that spread risk across sectors.

Reevaluate Real Estate and ULIPs
Surrender ULIPs and Guaranteed Plans: ULIPs and guaranteed plans might not provide the returns needed for your retirement goals. Consider surrendering these policies and reinvesting the proceeds in mutual funds. This move can potentially offer better returns and align with your retirement plan.

Consider Selling Real Estate: If your real estate investments are not generating the expected returns or if they are illiquid, you might consider selling some properties. The proceeds can be reinvested in more liquid and growth-oriented instruments like mutual funds.

Increase Monthly Investment
Allocate Rs. 1 Lakh or More Monthly: With a monthly income of Rs. 4 lakhs, you can afford to invest more. Allocating Rs. 1 lakh or more per month towards your retirement fund can significantly enhance your corpus over time. Focus on large-cap and balanced funds for these investments.

Set Up a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): A SIP allows you to invest regularly in mutual funds. This approach not only helps in averaging out the cost but also instills discipline in investing.

Tax Planning and Retirement
Investing in mutual funds is tax-efficient, but it’s essential to plan for the tax implications. Equity mutual funds are subject to long-term capital gains tax (LTCG). Proper tax planning can help in maximizing your retirement corpus.

Consider Tax-Saving Funds: Investing in tax-saving mutual funds can help reduce your taxable income while growing your retirement corpus.

Plan for Post-Retirement Income: Once you retire, the withdrawal strategy will be crucial. Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds can provide regular income while minimizing tax liabilities.

Final Insights
Building a retirement corpus of Rs. 3-4 lakhs per month is achievable with the right strategy. Your current portfolio is diverse, but it needs adjustments to align with your retirement goals. Focus on increasing your allocation to large-cap and balanced funds, reducing exposure to high-risk small-cap and sector-specific funds, and considering the liquidity and return potential of your real estate and ULIP investments.

By investing Rs. 1 lakh or more per month, regularly reviewing your portfolio, and working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), you can create a solid retirement fund that meets your needs. This disciplined approach will ensure that your investments grow steadily, providing the desired retirement income.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 26, 2024

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Hi Ramalingam Sir, Hope you doing great and healthy. Sir, I am 34 year old and having 2 daughter 7 year old and 6 months old. My house hold (me and spouse) income is 1 lakh 30k in hand. My monthly expenses are around 35000 and school expenses are 20000 quarterly. I have monthly EMI of 50000 which will be ending on July-25. I have a land worth 31 lakh, and investing 5k monthly in PPF. I have term insurance of 1cr. I want to plan my financial in systematic way. I have surplus of 10k more monthly which I have to invest, please suggest any Mutual Fund in 60% equity and 40% debt. I have a future goal in 2026 of building my own home on land I purchased with construction loan. Also I want to build some corpus for both daughters education. Please help me how I can plan to meet a good financial life.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You have a stable household income of Rs. 1,30,000 per month. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000, with quarterly school expenses of Rs. 20,000. You have a significant EMI of Rs. 50,000, which will end in July 2025. You invest Rs. 5,000 in PPF monthly and have a term insurance of Rs. 1 crore. You own land worth Rs. 31 lakhs and have an additional Rs. 10,000 monthly for investment.

Financial Goals
Build a home on your land by 2026.
Create a corpus for your daughters' education.
Systematically invest the surplus Rs. 10,000.
Expense Management
Your expenses are well-managed, but optimizing them can provide more room for savings. Review your expenses periodically and adjust where possible. Consider small lifestyle changes that can help reduce costs without impacting your quality of life.

Investment Strategy
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You are already investing in PPF, which is a good long-term, tax-saving investment. Continue this as it provides a secure and tax-efficient growth for your funds.

Mutual Funds: Equity and Debt Allocation
For your surplus Rs. 10,000, investing in a balanced mutual fund with a 60% equity and 40% debt allocation is wise. This provides growth potential with moderate risk.

Equity Component (60%):

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds.
Focus on funds with a track record of consistent performance.
This portion will help in wealth creation over the long term.
Debt Component (40%):

Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and regular income.
These funds have lower risk and provide steady returns.
They will balance the volatility of the equity portion.
Home Construction Goal
You aim to build a home by 2026. Start planning for the construction loan early. Ensure you have a clear budget and timeline. Keep a portion of your savings in liquid assets for this purpose, so you can access funds quickly when needed.

Children's Education Fund
To build a corpus for your daughters' education, start a dedicated investment plan.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):
Allocate a portion of your surplus to equity mutual funds via SIPs.
SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.
Consider child-specific mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.
Insurance Coverage
Your term insurance of Rs. 1 crore is a good safety net. Review your insurance needs periodically to ensure it covers your growing responsibilities.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of your household expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or liquid fund.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Track Your Investments:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Ensure your investments align with your financial goals.
Financial Health Check:

Conduct an annual financial health check.
Adjust your investments based on market conditions and personal circumstances.
Tax Planning
Leverage tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme), and National Pension System (NPS) to reduce your taxable income. Proper tax planning can enhance your savings and investments.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong. By strategically investing your surplus and planning for future goals, you can achieve financial security and growth. Regularly monitor and adjust your plan to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6625 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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I am 33 years old female with a monthly salary of 2 lakhs. I have a 6 year old son. I have a home loan of 37 lakhs. Monthly expenses 31500 of home loan emi , house expenses 60000 . I have no emergency fund. I have to start investing in mutual fund and stocks . Please help in guiding me for the same to build the portfolio within next 15 to 20 years. I have to retire at 50
Ans: I appreciate your proactive approach to planning your financial future. You have a clear goal to retire by 50, and I can guide you on how to achieve this.

Current Financial Situation
Age: 33 years

Monthly Salary: Rs 2 lakhs

Home Loan: Rs 37 lakhs with a monthly EMI of Rs 31,500

Monthly Household Expenses: Rs 60,000

No Emergency Fund: This is a critical aspect to address

Investment Goals: Building a portfolio for retirement and starting investments in mutual funds and stocks

Building an Emergency Fund
Before you start investing, it's crucial to build an emergency fund.

Fund Size: Aim for 6-12 months of expenses

Monthly Savings: Set aside Rs 30,000-40,000 monthly until you reach this goal

Savings Account: Use a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund

Home Loan Management
Your home loan EMI is Rs 31,500, a significant portion of your monthly expenses.

Prepayment: Consider making lump sum prepayments when possible to reduce the loan tenure and interest

Interest Rates: Regularly review and switch to lower interest rates if available

Investment Strategy for Mutual Funds
Diversified Portfolio
Creating a diversified portfolio will help balance risk and returns.

Large-Cap Funds: These funds invest in large, established companies. They offer stability and steady growth.

Mid-Cap Funds: These funds invest in medium-sized companies with high growth potential. They are moderately risky.

Multi-Cap Funds: These funds invest across large, mid, and small-cap stocks, providing diversified growth.

Equity-Linked Savings Scheme (ELSS): These funds offer tax benefits under Section 80C and are good for long-term growth.

SIPs for Consistent Investing
Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) to invest regularly.

Monthly SIP Amount: Aim to invest Rs 50,000-60,000 monthly across different funds

Automate Investments: Set up automatic transfers to ensure consistent investing

Active Fund Management
Actively managed funds often outperform index funds.

Fund Manager’s Track Record: Choose funds with experienced managers who have a good performance history

Risk-Adjusted Returns: Evaluate funds based on risk-adjusted returns

Stock Investments
Investing in stocks can provide higher returns but comes with higher risk.

Building a Stock Portfolio
Blue-Chip Stocks: Invest in well-established companies with a strong track record

Growth Stocks: Invest in companies with high growth potential

Diversification: Spread investments across various sectors to reduce risk

Regular Monitoring
Review Performance: Regularly monitor your stock portfolio

Adjust Holdings: Make adjustments based on market conditions and company performance

Insurance Coverage
Ensuring adequate insurance coverage is crucial for financial security.

Health Insurance
Coverage Amount: Ensure you have a health insurance policy with adequate coverage

Family Floater: Consider a family floater plan for comprehensive coverage

Life Insurance
Term Plan: Opt for a term plan to provide financial security for your family

Coverage Amount: The sum assured should be at least 10-15 times your annual income

Retirement Planning
Setting Retirement Goals
Monthly Income Requirement: Estimate the monthly income you will need post-retirement

Inflation Adjustment: Factor in inflation to ensure your savings last throughout retirement

Investment for Retirement
Long-Term Equity Investments: Continue investing in equity mutual funds for long-term growth

Debt Funds: Gradually shift to debt funds as you approach retirement for stability

Regular Review and Adjustment
Annual Review: Review your financial plan annually

Adjust Investments: Make necessary adjustments based on changes in income, expenses, and financial goals

Final Insights
By building an emergency fund, managing your home loan, and strategically investing in mutual funds and stocks, you can achieve your retirement goal. Diversify your investments, ensure adequate insurance coverage, and regularly review your financial plan. This comprehensive approach will help you build a robust portfolio over the next 15-20 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

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Hi, I am not yet mairred. I used to like a man and after a month we decided to get married. He was of my caste so I thought my parents won't deny this mairrage. I used to talk to and wanted to let him know everything about my past so that we can built a strong root of our relationship. I spoke every detail of my past life to him. Then before he proposed me for mairrage I went for a vacation with my male friend to dehradun. I didn't tell him that day as he didn't proposed me till that day then why would I tell everything about me to anyone. He was noone to me at that time. After that he came to visit me in Delhi and on the same when he was on train a friend of mine along with his fiance came to meet me after a very long time. I asked him and he didn't denied. After returning home he blocked me. I cried and cried, called multiple times but he didn't received my call. Even I went to his location and waited for almost 3 hr but he didn't came. Then I asked my sister to call him. Then he talked to me but he said me so much of harsh and vulgar words that I went in shock. I cried a lot but he went on humiliating me. But somehow I convinced him to stay with me. I never talked to that friend ever. Then I told my parents about him that I want to get married with this men. Being a girl's father my father enquired about him by being annonymous. And trust me noone has said anything good about him. Later on we get to know that his father has a murder case on him of his brother in law. But then I wanted to get married. Finally my parents agreed only for my happines. Meanwhile I was never being respected by him. He always doubt me, humiliate me, abuse me mentally and physically, and when I was like I don't want to be with you he used to say sorry and begged me to be with him. He even used to restrict to visit my uncle aunty. His mother wants used to defend him and never used to make him realise that he was wrong. Then before engagement we went to Kolkata to buy dress. Yes one more thing I have informed him on the very first day that I used to drink and smoke occassionally. So whenever he used to visit me he always wanted to drink with me whether I want it or not. He always used to abuse me and humiliate me in front of everyone after drinking, so after a period of time I used to avoid drinking. Then he used to fight with me for that also that why will you not drink. In kolkata the same thing happen. We stayed there for 3 days and he was convincing to go to club from the very first day but I refused. On 3rd he hit me. After engagement his family asked for dowry. After a lot of dealing my parents agreed for an amount. But I felt betrayed. I stopped talking. After after when I initiated the conversation he picked up a fight and said he won't marry. I tried to convince. But when everyone was blaming me then I broke my silence and said everything about him to my parent. But he manipulated everything and made me villain. My parents want me to get married What should I do
Ans: Dear Akriti,
After reading your question I can only give you one advice, please do not marry him no matter what people say. Even if we overlook every other red flag that he has exhibited, abuse of any form is unacceptable. Why are you trying to convince your parents to marry a guy who hits you? Do you think you deserve it or anyone, for that matter, deserves that?

Now, no matter who tries to manipulate you, or however much they try to convince you, get out of the relationship for the love and self-respect you have for yourself. It is a big decision but in your case, it is worth making that big decision. I'd normally never tell people they should this or they shouldn't do that, but in your case, no sane person would ever suggest you marry this man and be subjected to abuse for the rest of your life.
Please make the right choice.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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I am dating a person for 5years when we are doing internship. He is always there whenever I need any support and help in my bad time. He will protect me and loves me a lot. It is my first dating experience initially when we start dating we have intense attachment but I thought we would not be remain together for much longer time. I was always interested in good looking handsome man he is not that fair and handsome. Also he is from different caste and region(he is Bihari and I am from Uttarakhand) and in his family he has mom and sister(they are finding a match for her).I don’t know if I should marry him or not. Because I am not comfortable with his family(his mother is somewhat very concerned about his son not captured by any girl). So I think it will be a struggle for him to convince her. But my question is it is worth to go for love marriage if the boy loves you a lot but still I think there is gap with the criteria of being handsome which I dream as a young girl story even our bonds are getting stronger Please suggest what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Appearance does not last a lifetime. Are you sure it is that important for you? After all, you fell in love with a man whose appearance isn't his best quality. Makes me wonder if you are just giving into the societal construct of wanting to marry for good looks.

Next, if you are concerned about your future in his house, it is best not to rush anything in terms of getting married. Think about it; have a clear discussion with him about the kind of future he can offer you. Love isn't the only thread that holds onto a relationship.

I cannot tell you if you should pursue this relationship, but I can tell you that you shouldn't break up with someone because they are not fair or handsome by your standards.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |360 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 06, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I’m a 26 yr old woman, was in a relationship with my classmate from school a year ago. We dated for a few months and then talked to my parents about us as they had started looking for matches for me in arranged marriage . Once I told them about us they got very emotional and didn’t agree for our marriage as we are from different caste. So we decided to breakup and just stay as friends but we are not able to move on from each other ..it’s been 6 months now, my parents have started looking for alliances for me again now but I’m not getting any interest in these because I’m not able to forget him. But I’m also scared to take a strong decision to hurt my parents and get married to him because I’m a very sensitive person and sometimes he behaves manipulative with some people and I’m scared he’ll do that with me also if any fights happen with him or his family. But I’m not able to forget him. Please tell me what to do as I have lost peace and crying every night.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sounds like you are torn between your feelings for him and love and respect for your parents. Firstly, acknowledge that you are allowed to feel confused. Next, understand that you deserve a relationship where you feel happy and safe. Will this relationship give you that? Take some time to evaluate whether staying with him will align with your goal of long-term happiness. You have mentioned manipulation; consider that too when gauging the potential of this relationship.

Coming to your parents, you can try gently communicating your unwillingness to get married to someone else right now. That does not automatically translate to your desire to marry this guy. It can also mean that you need some time to figure things out. Ultimately, you need to make a decision that makes you happy- whether it means working things out with him or taking a separate path. I am sure you will make the right choice.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Mam i am a 52 year ols women i have never had a secure relationship only who wanted to have s.Marriage in proposals too dint work for me. At late 40 age i met a guy it was all good till start 1 year but since 3 years we just fight my fault to as i have no family no friends and all i have to look after 2 aged parents and i am deep involved my life is just that. This relationship is good to talk on phone as all i do is talk my problems 24 by 7 365 days which i understands upsets him. But i see no effort too from him for meeting planning dates and if i do i pay for it all he never pays . I lost interest felt disappointed after going on saying he never tries to make plans talk future his family finance. I am not sure what i should do stay or live my life alone which i was always doing.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Start fresh and if you had a clean slate, what would you want to draw on it?
All your miseries or what you actually want from life?
When you meet someone new and you dump your set of issues on them, how exactly do you think they are going to be interested in taking you out on a date?
Your prospective life partner is not a dumping yard for your life's problems BUT a person that is going to marry you and support you and who you can trust. And will you start this relationship by actually talking only about your problems? Honestly, you need to ask yourself if you will be interested in a guy who keeps ranting about all things going wrong...
Establish a connection by being on a positive ground and showing the other person that you care and also are interested in knowing about them. This interest will let them lower their guard down and actually connect with you at an emotional level and then you can pursue this as a potential life partner association...somewhere down the line, they will be genuinely interested in being a part of your challenges and that's when you make them your strength to solve these challenges. Am I making sense to you?
Do you see how you have been sabotaging your own future? Dust yourself, become genuinely interested in people not to dump your problems on them but to make a genuine connection and watch how things change for you. Prioritize your life not your problems!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Relationship
Hi, I am a 36yo guy. Married and have 2 beautiful kids. I am a naturally happy person in life and have achieved reasonable success through my hard work. From last 3 years i am in love with a married girl who works at an office near my workplace. We two believe that we are best suited for each other in every aspect i.e. mental, emotional and physical. We share a great chemistry that we never felt with our respective spouses. We decided that we both cant leave our spouses because of our kids. But very often she keeps on getting crazy and tortures and taunts me that i love my wife more and doesnt give value to her. She is mostly unhappy about this in her life and many times abuses me when she sees that i am a naturally happy and content person. I have even told her that if she wants we can take divorce from our spouses and move-in together. But she never accepts that also and keeps on making my life hard. But i do believe that we both love each other like crazy and my sexual life with her is just out of this world. I have a very high libido and she satisfies me like no other girl. My question is how can i make her sane and make her trust me that i am more inclined towards her?
Ans: Dear Avinash,
I am sure by now you realize that having parallel lives is not easy. Maybe you are at that stage where a decision must be made...
You owe at least that much to your respective spouses who have nothing to do this life of yours...

The lady in question wants the cake and wants to eat it too...obviously she needs to see that if she wants her marriage, then you are going to keep your marriage as well and with that all the insecurities that arise must also be accepted as this is something that the two of you got into willingly...did she not know that a relationship outside of marriage comes with its set of challenges like insecurities, doubts, fears, instability and more? I guess it's not about you making her sane and trust you BUT for the two fo you to come to some sort of a decision on where all this is leading?

Again, I say this...leading two lives in parallel ain't easy; especially on an emotional level!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1201 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 01, 2024
Relationship
Hi Anu, I have been reading since long the advices you give to others expecting that there can be an identical issue which i am suffering, i am 48yrs and my wife 42yrs married for 22yrs & having grown up children, over period of time my wife has become more dominating expecting me to listen and follow everything what she says, everything was going fine for until last six years when she was following me as a dutiful wife, since last 6-7yrs she is disinterested in sex also, i sit and speak with her trying to address all the issues, but things get back to ZERO within days, she has turned very short tempered and egoistic, shouting and using foul language in rage at times, we both are highly educated and give lectures at college with limited reasonable income, the problem is she compares her life to others and disturbs our life, ours is a marriage against parents so both the side relatives are little indifferent and we are not extroverts or that persons who are outgoing to change all that, we just lead our life within ourselves and try to help the relatives whenever they come to us. My question is that is it not cruel for a wife to deprive the husband of sex and develop unreasonable expectations comparing the lifestyles of others. when at peace my wife suggests that i can look outside for sex and she is ok with it but i don't believe in it and in her words, at times in rage she keeps asking for divorce uttering foul language, i keep reminding her that emotions, anger and rage shall only aggravate the issues we should know what we actually want and seek it speaking to each other, i feel that my wife doesn't know what she wants from herself or from me or from life, Anu, Is this all that pre-menopause frustrations which is building up or is it some mental issues which are surfacing due to negligence from me or our relatives? Please suggest? Thank you
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's understand it in 3 ways..

1) Whether your wife is in pre-menopause or perimenopause or menopause stage can be determined only by a doctor. A lot of material floats on the internet convincing people of one over the other BUT it's important to get it validated by a doctor that will help your wife understand what is going on with her body and how it impacts her mind...

2) It is also possible that the current sex routine maybe boring to her and infusing it with some spice can get things going? So, think out of the box here...

3) Also, you might want to think if the emotional bond between the two of you has broken down; women respond to sex easier when they feel emotionally connected and safe with their man...

What will be useful in your situation is: to reconnect with her and aim to connect with her emotionally. This will help her in conveying to you what might be the problem and then it gets easier to solve it or take necessary steps...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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