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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 21, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
B Question by B on May 14, 2024Hindi
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I am 31,didnt have any savings uptill now .planning to save 20 k per month..suggest me the diversified savings options for future....

Ans: Congratulations on taking the first step towards securing your financial future! At 31, you're entering a crucial phase where strategic savings can pave the way for a prosperous tomorrow. Let's explore diversified savings options tailored to your aspirations and financial goals.

Commendable Initiative

I must commend your decision to start saving at this stage. It's never too late to begin your savings journey, and your commitment to setting aside ?20,000 per month demonstrates a commendable dedication to building a secure financial foundation.

Understanding Your Goals

Before diving into savings options, let's understand your financial objectives and aspirations. Whether it's building an emergency fund, planning for retirement, or achieving long-term wealth accumulation, your goals will shape our savings strategy.

Exploring Diversified Savings Options

Diversification is key to mitigating risk and optimizing returns. Here are some diversified savings options to consider:

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs): SIPs offer a disciplined approach to investing in mutual funds, allowing you to invest small amounts regularly. By diversifying across equity, debt, and hybrid funds, you can tailor your portfolio to your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): PPF is a popular long-term savings instrument offering tax benefits and attractive interest rates. By contributing to PPF, you can build a tax-efficient retirement corpus while enjoying the security of a government-backed scheme.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF): If you're employed, EPF contributions provide a reliable avenue for retirement savings. With contributions from both you and your employer, EPF offers a stable foundation for your retirement nest egg.

Debt Instruments: Consider allocating a portion of your savings to debt instruments such as fixed deposits (FDs) or bonds. While offering lower returns compared to equities, debt instruments provide stability to your portfolio and serve as a hedge against market volatility.

Emergency Fund: Building an emergency fund is essential to cover unexpected expenses or financial setbacks. Aim to set aside 3-6 months' worth of living expenses in a liquid savings account or liquid mutual funds for easy access during emergencies.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

When it comes to mutual funds, actively managed funds offer several advantages over passive index funds:

Professional Management: Actively managed funds are overseen by experienced fund managers who actively research and select investments to maximize returns and minimize risks.

Dynamic Allocation: Fund managers have the flexibility to adjust portfolio allocations based on market conditions and emerging opportunities, allowing for optimized performance over time.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds require investors to independently research, select, and manage their investment portfolios, which can be time-consuming and challenging, especially for novice investors. Lack of professional guidance may lead to suboptimal investment decisions.

Benefits of Regular Funds Investing through MFD with CFP Credential

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credentialled Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) offers several benefits:

Personalized Advice: A CFP-certified MFD provides tailored investment advice based on your financial goals, risk appetite, and investment horizon, ensuring your portfolio aligns with your objectives.

Diverse Fund Selection: MFDs offer access to a wide range of mutual funds across asset classes and fund categories, enabling you to build a well-diversified portfolio suited to your needs.

Final Words

As you embark on your savings journey, remember that consistency, discipline, and patience are key to achieving your financial goals. By diversifying your savings across various instruments and leveraging the expertise of certified professionals, you're laying the groundwork for a prosperous future.

Warm Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 15, 2024Hindi
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Sir am 33 year old.. current taking salary of 75k net per month..and having car loan of 14 k and SIP of 8.5 k .need to save for child future,please suggest
Ans: Here are some suggestions on how you can save for your child's future with a monthly income of ?75,000, a car loan of ?14,000, and an existing SIP of ?8,500:

Analyze your current spending:

Track your expenses for a month to understand where your money goes. This will help you identify areas where you can cut back and free up additional savings for your child.
Revisit your car loan:

If possible, consider refinancing your car loan to a lower interest rate. This can free up some money each month that you can then redirect towards your child's savings.
Optimize your SIP:

Review your existing SIP and ensure it aligns with your child's future goals and your risk tolerance. You may want to consider increasing the SIP amount if there's room in your budget after accounting for other expenses.
Prioritize Child Savings:

Once you have a better understanding of your spending and have potentially reduced your car loan outgo or optimized your SIP, allocate a specific amount towards your child's savings.
Investment options for your child's future:
1. Increase Existing SIP:

Consider increasing your existing SIP in the well-diversified equity mutual fund by ?3,500 per month. This brings your total SIP contribution to ?12,000 per month. This focuses on long-term growth for your child's future.
2. Diversification with Debt Fund:

Start a new SIP in a low-risk debt fund with ?3,000 per month. This provides stability and helps manage short-term financial needs your child might have. You can choose a short-term or medium-term debt fund based on your preference for when your child might need the money.
Benefits of this approach:

Flexibility: This approach allows you to manage growth and stability within your child's savings plan. The equity SIP focuses on long-term growth, while the debt SIP provides a buffer for immediate needs.
Control: You have more control over the asset allocation. You can adjust the SIP amounts in each fund as your child grows and their financial goals become clearer.
Cost-effective: Avoiding ULIPs eliminates high fees associated with those products. Regular mutual funds generally have lower expense ratios.
Additional Tips:

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review your investment strategy and rebalance the portfolio (equity vs. debt) if needed, to maintain your desired asset allocation.
Start Early, Invest Regularly: Even small increases in SIP contributions can make a significant difference over time due to compounding.
Consider PPF or Sukanya Samriddhi (if applicable): If you're in India, explore options like Public Provident Fund (PPF) or Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (for girl child) for additional tax benefits and safe, guaranteed returns.
Remember:

Consult a financial advisor for personalized advice considering your risk tolerance and your child's age and goals.
They can recommend specific mutual funds based on your investment goals and risk profile.
By following these steps and consulting a professional, you can build a strong foundation for your child's financial future.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 24, 2024

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Money
Iam 38 and have 20 lakhs as my savings which I want to invest for 1,3,5 and 7 years. Please suggest appropriate as I'm willing to take risk but want good returns.
Ans: Investing with specific time horizons in mind is a smart approach. Here's a suggested investment strategy considering your willingness to take risks and aiming for good returns:

1-Year Investment (Short-term):
Liquid Funds: These funds offer stability and liquidity. They invest in short-term money market instruments. Given your short time horizon, liquid funds would be suitable as they offer better returns than savings accounts and are low-risk.
3-Year Investment (Medium-term):
Short-term Debt Funds or Ultra Short-term Funds: These funds invest in fixed-income securities with a maturity period of 1-3 years. They offer relatively higher returns than liquid funds and are less volatile than equity funds, making them a suitable choice for a 3-year horizon.
5-Year Investment (Medium to Long-term):
Balanced Funds or Hybrid Funds: These funds invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments. They offer potential for higher returns compared to debt funds while providing some cushion against market volatility. This combination could be ideal for a 5-year horizon.
7-Year Investment (Long-term):
Equity Mutual Funds: Given your willingness to take risks and the longer time horizon, equity funds would be appropriate.
Large Cap Funds: These funds invest predominantly in large-cap companies which are relatively stable and offer moderate returns.
Mid & Small Cap Funds: These funds invest in mid and small-cap companies which have the potential to offer higher returns but come with higher volatility.
Multi-Cap Funds: These funds provide diversification across market caps and offer flexibility to capitalize on market opportunities.
General Tips:

Diversification: Spread your investments across different asset classes and fund categories to reduce risk.
Regular Review: Periodically review your investments to ensure they align with your financial goals and adjust as necessary.
Risk Tolerance: While you're willing to take risks, ensure your investments align with your risk tolerance. Remember, higher returns come with higher volatility.
Lastly, it's advisable to consult with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor this strategy according to your specific financial situation, goals, and risk tolerance. They can provide personalized advice and help you navigate the complexities of investing.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Money
I am 24 years old and my current savings is rs 5000/- What suitable ideas do you have for long term that can give you good returns and can also potentially help you for future
Ans: As a Certified Financial Planner, I commend you on your foresight in seeking to secure your financial future. At 24, you have the advantage of time on your side. This allows you to leverage the power of compounding to grow your wealth. With an initial savings of Rs 5000/-, you can explore several long-term investment strategies that offer good returns and align with your future goals. Let’s dive into the various options available to you, keeping your specific circumstances and the Indian financial market in mind.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
Before diving into specific investment strategies, it's crucial to understand your financial goals. Are you saving for a house, a car, or your retirement? Defining your goals will help tailor your investment strategy accordingly.

Emergency Fund
First and foremost, it’s essential to have an emergency fund. This fund should cover 3 to 6 months of your living expenses. It acts as a safety net during unexpected situations like job loss or medical emergencies. You can park your emergency fund in a high-interest savings account or a liquid fund for easy accessibility and decent returns.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in Mutual Funds
A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in mutual funds is a disciplined approach to investing. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, irrespective of the market conditions. SIPs benefit from rupee cost averaging and compounding returns. Over time, these small investments grow significantly, providing substantial returns. Mutual funds offer diversification, reducing risk by spreading investments across various sectors and assets.

Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are preferable over index funds for several reasons. These funds are managed by professional fund managers who actively make investment decisions to outperform the market. They have the flexibility to adjust the portfolio based on market conditions, which can lead to higher returns. Index funds, on the other hand, simply replicate the performance of a market index, offering limited scope for outperformance.

Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and have the potential to deliver higher returns over the long term. They are suitable for young investors with a high risk tolerance and a long investment horizon. Equity funds come in various types, such as large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Diversifying your investments across these categories can provide a balanced risk-return profile.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in fixed-income securities like government bonds, corporate bonds, and money market instruments. They offer more stability and lower risk compared to equity funds. Including debt funds in your portfolio can provide a stable income and act as a cushion against market volatility.

Diversified Portfolio
Creating a diversified portfolio is crucial for long-term wealth creation. Diversification involves spreading investments across various asset classes like equities, debt, and gold. This strategy helps in minimizing risk and maximizing returns. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and market conditions.

Retirement Planning
Starting retirement planning early gives you a significant advantage. Investing in the National Pension System (NPS) can be a prudent choice. NPS offers tax benefits, flexibility in investment options, and a steady income post-retirement. Additionally, consider investing in Public Provident Fund (PPF) for its safety, tax benefits, and decent returns.

Systematic Transfer Plan (STP)
A Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) allows you to transfer a fixed amount from one mutual fund to another. It’s an excellent strategy for gradually moving investments from a debt fund to an equity fund or vice versa. STPs help in mitigating risk by averaging the purchase cost and providing better returns.

Avoiding Investment Mistakes
It’s crucial to avoid common investment mistakes like chasing high returns, timing the market, and not diversifying enough. Stay focused on your long-term goals and maintain a disciplined investment approach. Regularly review your investments and make adjustments as needed.

Insurance Planning
Insurance is a critical component of financial planning. It’s essential to have adequate health and life insurance coverage to protect yourself and your family from unforeseen events. Avoid mixing insurance with investment. Policies like Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs) and investment-cum-insurance products often offer suboptimal returns and high charges. It’s better to surrender these policies and reinvest the amount in mutual funds for better growth.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can enhance your investment returns. Utilize tax-saving investment options like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS), PPF, and NPS. These instruments not only help in reducing your taxable income but also provide good returns over the long term.

Financial Discipline
Maintaining financial discipline is key to successful investing. Automate your investments through SIPs, avoid unnecessary expenses, and regularly save a portion of your income. Keeping track of your expenses and sticking to a budget can help you save more and invest consistently.

Continuous Learning
The financial market is dynamic, and staying informed is crucial. Continuously educate yourself about new investment options, market trends, and financial planning strategies. Reading financial blogs, attending webinars, and consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide valuable insights.

Starting Small
Starting with Rs 5000/- is a great step. As your income grows, gradually increase your investment amount. The key is to start early and invest consistently. Even small amounts can grow significantly over time through the power of compounding.

Review and Rebalance
Regularly reviewing and rebalancing your portfolio is essential. Market conditions and your financial goals may change over time. Adjust your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your objectives and risk tolerance.

Benefits of Professional Guidance
Working with a Certified Financial Planner can provide you with personalized advice and help you navigate the complexities of investing. They can assist in creating a comprehensive financial plan, selecting suitable investment options, and achieving your financial goals.

Assessing Your Risk Tolerance
Understanding your risk tolerance is crucial in selecting appropriate investment options. Younger investors often have a higher risk tolerance due to their long investment horizon. However, it’s essential to balance high-risk investments with safer options to maintain stability.

Investing in Yourself
Investing in your skills and education can yield significant returns. Enhance your career prospects through continuous learning, certifications, and professional development. Higher earning potential translates to more savings and investments in the future.

Goal-Based Investing
Aligning your investments with specific goals can provide clarity and motivation. Create separate portfolios for different goals like buying a house, children's education, or retirement. This approach helps in tracking progress and staying committed to your financial objectives.

Benefit of Starting Early
Starting your investment journey early provides the advantage of time. Compounding works best over a long period, turning small investments into substantial wealth. The earlier you start, the more you benefit from compounding.

Flexibility and Liquidity
Choose investment options that offer flexibility and liquidity. While long-term investments are crucial, having access to funds during emergencies is equally important. Balance your portfolio with a mix of liquid and long-term assets.

Understanding Market Cycles
The market goes through cycles of ups and downs. Understanding these cycles can help you stay calm during market volatility. Avoid panic selling during market downturns and stay invested for the long term to reap the benefits of recovery.

Staying Updated with Regulatory Changes
Stay informed about regulatory changes that impact your investments. Changes in tax laws, interest rates, and investment regulations can affect your returns. Regularly consult with your Certified Financial Planner to stay updated and make necessary adjustments.

Avoiding High-Cost Investments
High-cost investment products can erode your returns. Be mindful of the fees and charges associated with investment options. Opt for low-cost mutual funds and avoid high-cost ULIPs and other investment-cum-insurance products.

Power of Compounding
The power of compounding is a fundamental principle of investing. It involves earning returns on your initial investment and the accumulated returns. The longer you stay invested, the more your money grows exponentially.

Inflation and Investment
Consider inflation while planning your investments. Inflation reduces the purchasing power of your money over time. Choose investment options that offer returns higher than the inflation rate to maintain your wealth’s real value.

Future Financial Security
Investing wisely today ensures financial security for the future. It provides the means to achieve your goals, enjoy a comfortable lifestyle, and handle emergencies with ease. Start early, stay disciplined, and make informed investment decisions.

Monitoring Your Investments
Regularly monitoring your investments is crucial. Keep track of the performance, review your portfolio, and make necessary adjustments. Staying informed and proactive ensures your investments stay on track to meet your goals.

Long-Term Perspective
Investing with a long-term perspective is essential. Short-term market fluctuations are common, but long-term investments typically yield better returns. Stay patient and avoid making impulsive decisions based on short-term market movements.

Diversification Across Sectors
Diversification is not just about asset classes but also sectors. Spread your investments across different industries to mitigate sector-specific risks. A well-diversified portfolio enhances stability and growth potential.

Understanding Mutual Fund Categories
Mutual funds come in various categories, each with different risk-return profiles. Understand the categories and choose funds that align with your financial goals and risk tolerance. This ensures a balanced and effective investment strategy.

Reinvesting Returns
Reinvesting the returns from your investments accelerates the growth of your wealth. Instead of withdrawing the returns, reinvest them to benefit from compounding. This strategy significantly boosts your long-term returns.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Set realistic expectations for your investment returns. High returns come with higher risks. It’s crucial to balance your return expectations with the associated risks to avoid disappointments and stay committed to your investment plan.

Financial Independence
Achieving financial independence is a significant milestone. It provides the freedom to pursue your passions, retire early, and enjoy a comfortable lifestyle. Consistent investing and disciplined financial planning are key to reaching this goal.

Conclusion
Investing wisely and consistently is the cornerstone of building a secure financial future. With an initial savings of Rs 5000/-, you have made a commendable start. By adopting a disciplined approach, diversifying your investments, and staying informed, you can achieve substantial growth and financial security. Remember, the journey to wealth creation is a marathon, not a sprint. Stay patient, stay focused, and your efforts will pay off in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6971 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 26, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I am 37 yrs old, I earn 1L month, have 40k loans. No savings. Please guide me on future savings.
Ans: Assessing Your Current Situation
You earn Rs 1 lakh per month. Your loan obligations are Rs 40,000 per month. With no savings, it's crucial to build financial stability. Your age of 37 is a good time to start. The sooner you take action, the better.

Setting Financial Goals
First, outline your financial goals. These might include:

Emergency Fund: Build an emergency fund of 6 months' expenses.

Debt Repayment: Focus on clearing your Rs 40,000 loan quickly.

Retirement Planning: Start saving for your retirement to ensure financial security later.

Children's Education: If you have children, consider their future education expenses.

Lifestyle Goals: Think about major purchases, vacations, or other lifestyle goals.

Budgeting and Cash Flow Management
Your monthly income is Rs 1 lakh. After loan payments, you have Rs 60,000 left. Here's how to manage this:

Fixed Expenses: List your monthly essentials—rent, utilities, groceries, etc.

Savings Allocation: Save 20-30% of your income. This means Rs 20,000-30,000 should go towards savings and investments.

Discretionary Spending: Allocate the rest for lifestyle expenses like dining out, entertainment, and shopping. Keep this under control to avoid overspending.

Building an Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial. Aim to save Rs 3-6 lakhs as a buffer for unexpected expenses. Start by setting aside a small amount monthly.

Automate Savings: Set up an automatic transfer of Rs 10,000-15,000 per month into a liquid savings account.

Stay Disciplined: Don't dip into this fund for non-emergencies.

Debt Repayment Strategy
You have a Rs 40,000 loan. Paying this off should be a priority. Consider these steps:

Snowball or Avalanche Method: Use the debt snowball method (paying the smallest debt first) or avalanche method (paying the highest interest debt first). Choose what works best for you.

Prepayment Options: Check if your loan allows for prepayment. Use any bonuses or extra income to reduce your debt burden.

Retirement Planning
It's important to start saving for retirement now. The power of compounding works best over time. Consider these steps:

Calculate Retirement Needs: Estimate how much you will need to retire comfortably. This should include living expenses, healthcare, and any other goals.

Invest in Retirement Funds: Focus on diversified investment options. Regularly contribute to your retirement fund.

Review and Adjust: Periodically review your retirement plan and adjust based on changes in income, expenses, or goals.

Children's Education
If you have children, planning for their education is crucial. Education costs are rising. Start early to ease the burden:

Education Fund: Start a dedicated education fund. This will ensure that your child's future is secure.

Systematic Investments: Use systematic investments to build the education corpus over time.

Review Progress: Regularly review the progress of your education fund. Make adjustments as needed to stay on track.

Investment Strategy
With Rs 20,000-30,000 to invest monthly, here's a suggested approach:

Diversified Portfolio: Invest in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid instruments. This will balance risk and return.

Active Management: Actively managed funds may offer better returns than passive options like index funds. This is especially true in a volatile market.

Regular Monitoring: Keep an eye on your investments. Adjust your portfolio based on performance and changing market conditions.

Seek Professional Guidance: Engage a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice. This will ensure your investment strategy aligns with your goals.

Insurance and Protection
Insurance is essential to protect your family and assets. Consider the following:

Life Insurance: Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage. This will provide for your family in case of an untimely event.

Health Insurance: Health expenses can be significant. Invest in a comprehensive health insurance policy.

Term Insurance: Term insurance is a cost-effective way to secure your family's financial future.

Tax Planning
Efficient tax planning can save you money. Consider the following:

Utilize Deductions: Make use of all available tax deductions, including those for investments, health insurance premiums, and home loan interest.

Tax-Advantaged Investments: Invest in tax-saving instruments that align with your financial goals. This will reduce your tax liability.

Plan Ahead: Tax planning should be done at the beginning of the financial year. This will help you avoid last-minute rushes.

Final Insights
Your financial journey begins now. With careful planning and disciplined execution, you can achieve your goals. Start with small, consistent steps. Over time, these will compound into significant financial security. Always review and adjust your plan as needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Hi Madam, I'm 60,retired, my wife is 47, our son is 23. I had love marriage and was leading a happy married life. Just after silver jubilee of our wedding anniversary I accidentally came to know that my wife is madly in love with one of our common married friend who runs a simple shop. Upon investigation I found that they are in relation for last 12 years and were enjoying sex in my own house for such a long time. He hails from an uneducated family and is not even cultured. I could not believe that the wife of a highly educated socially respected man could do this with a shopkeeper who does not have any socio economic status. I am living a normal life with my wife for the sake of our only child. Once he settles in life I have decided to end my life. Ofcourse I still love her as ours was a love marriage. I seek your wise suggestion in this regard, should I divorce her or live a normal life that we are doing?
Ans: Dear Shristi,
It is obviously very shocking for you to know that things have been happening behind your back.
Now, how you want this to move on from here on, is a decision only you must make! Have you had a chat with your wife about the association that she has with the other person? Does she know that you know about it?
If she doesn't, then you need to make her aware and yes, do ask her whether she is interested at all in the marriage. That will give you an idea as to whether things are worth fighting for or is it best to walk away!

All the best!
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1269 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 03, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam I a 32 year old married man with a kid , who is 6 years old. I have done arrange marriage with my own decision I agreed to my parents for the marrige at that time I was in a casual relationship with a girl I didn't said anything to the girl and get married to someone else. After that I tried to live a happay life with my wife without thinking about the girl whom I left behind, from outside I tried to be happy with my wife but my wife thought doesn't matches with me so I felt so disturbed from inside. Still I was trying to continue the relationship for sake of our child but suddenly I got my ex love contact and I was so happy that after so long time I got a chance to talk to her, I have tried to meet her but she always refused to meet me because she was in a relationship. I tried many times and due to some misconduct I again lost her for the second time. At this moment when she is not with me her thoughts memories are troubling me so much I am in pain, what am I suppose to do to get rid of the pain?? Please help
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 15, 2024Hindi
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I am 50 years old and got married 15 years ago. I am a very spontaneous sort of a guy and enjoy life, partying etc. I was also very active socially.My wife being the complete opposite put a stop to all that once we got married. She also does not display any affection and has no interest in physical intimacy. She is just concerned with her housework.We also have lot of differences in mental attitude & intellectual abilities. At no stage will we ever seperate, however, I am unhappy with her nature. She has lot of friends, however is always at daggers drawn with in her in laws. We had to stay separately for 6 months, and I tried looking for love else where, however after a couple of months, I realised, that I missed her. I am in a quandary. Despite requesting her to work on our relationship, I get no response. Please advise on how to proceed.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand you are in a tough spot. But it's nice to see that after all those years of differences, you still have genuine feelings for her. I strongly suggest considering marriage counseling. From your description of your marriage, it seems to be there have been issues from the very beginning of it. It's been too long and now those issues must've become deep-rooted. Seeing a professional can be a game-changer. They can guide you out of this slump more methodically and help you navigate the emotions you are feeling right now. It can also help you understand the reasons for your wife's disinterest and handle it better.

Best Wishes

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |395 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hii, I have an love marriage after 9 years of dating and 6 years, 2 children post marriage, my little one is 11 months old now. My husband has an affair upto chatting to someone in his company, his junior but in different department, when my Lil one was 1 month old, we had in a rough patch then due to child birth and family drama. When I saw it and confronted him, he said he is sorry and won't do it again, we had multiple fights for 3-4 months after then due to same reason, but he mostly listen and consol. It's been a lot of mental torture for me. I love my husband a lot and he is a good person, but sometimes sill I see her msg in his phone asking for small helps or casual msg. She is also married. I am not sure my husband deletes msg or what, I am not able to get over this. Before it, this is was preety much a good relationship. I am highly educated and independent women. I don't want anything form my husband apart from love. What should I do, whenever I tell him I want to just leave and let him have his life, he won't let me somehow. We are having a good physical relationship 2-4 times a week( just to tell where we are). Please help me...I can't overcome that he is making fool of me...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry to hear you are in such a tough spot. I would suggest considering marriage counseling. A professional who can help you both tackle these issues would be helpful in this situation. I understand that it was his mistake and he needs to put the effort to make you trust him again, but since you are still together, you will also have to put in the effort to let it. I know it is difficult and that's where marriage counselor comes in. They can help you navigate these feelings. Moreover, if he is indeed hiding something, therapy can help that come out in the open.

Hope this helps.

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

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Hi, Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. Partner(F28)continuing friendship with a person[M] who had crush on her before marriage considered emotional infidelity? Me(M38) and wife(F37) happily married for 12 years and blessed with one daughter. My wife is having friendship (strictly platonic) with a guy from her 10tlh grade (same class). Before our marriage (she may be doing her college, our relationship just started may be 2 weeks) this guy told her he has genuine interest in her and he want to take the relationship further if she wants, she said she is not interested in a relationship and she got committed, she always saw him as a friend, no other feelings for him and we can be friends if you don't bring any romantic interest again. He never took this talk again ever after and happy to be a friend. They are talking as friends. She got married to me. He also got married. They still do chats once in a month. She introduced me to him and visited his home when we visited his city. He also came to our home once (me and my family was there). She used to update me with chat she had with him and the content they are chatting. I am ok with that When we were talking about our school life and college life 2 years before. She said this guy had crush on her during her college days. I asked her, why did not she tell me this info till now. She said it is not purposely, she does not feel the need to do as the person is not in-appropriate with her and continuing as good friend as promised after she rejected his proposal. I don’t want to create any unnecessary issues as I don’t have any felling or so with him. That time I checked their chats completely, it’s about update about their common friends, their recent travel, their job, meditation courses and the books they read recently. I haven’t seen any flirting or romantic message from either of them. So I am perfectly fine with it and had no problems. I recently came to know about the concept of emotional cheating which is very new to me. Before that cheating to me is only flirting, sexeting and physical sex. I have asked for advice in redddit.com in infedility sub forum about emotional cheating/ emotion affair. There persons are advising like even having friendship with someone who had crush on you is emotional cheating as it is indirectly leading them on you. So with an omission of lie he had crush on her and indirectly leading him on you wife was emotionally cheating on you. This is very much equal to cheating. I do have lots of friends in other gender, but no one had crush on me. Does this count as emotional cheating/affair as she did not mention he had crush on her before marriage? I am little depressed and not able to spend quality time with my wife who is in postpartum depression and take care of our daughter properly as before. Do you guys advise me how to navigate this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Are you really going to ruin your happy relationship based on some new term you have learned recently? Emotional cheating and many more terms of the kind will come and go, what truly matters is the truth. She is merely friends with this guy and for your peace of mind, you have even checked their conversations- what part of it looks like cheating to you? If tomorrow, some random person projecting their own insecurities claims that a man speaking to a woman is some "new form" of cheating, would you start believing that? My point is that these are just random opinions of some people- it isn't the ultimate truth. The entire context matters. This man had a crush on your wife, she rejected it, and now they are just friends. I find absolutely no misconduct or infidelity in this. The fact that none of your friends had a crush on you does not factor in at all. Moreover, your wife is in postpartum depression- that should be your biggest concern but here you are, giving more importance to the random 2 AM thoughts of some people you don't even know. Please rethink if you are being fair to your wife- the mother of your child.

Best Wishes

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