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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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I have only 3 years left for my job and planning to quit in Dec24.I have no pension and my PF and Gratuity will amount to Rs.30lacs.Let me know how the investment plan where I can get atleast 20000 per month

Ans: Crafting Your Retirement Income Strategy: A Comprehensive Approach
Your proactive planning for retirement with a lump sum of Rs. 30 lakhs from PF and Gratuity demonstrates foresight and commitment. Let's design an investment plan focused on generating a monthly income of at least Rs. 20,000, ensuring financial stability during your post-employment phase.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
Congratulations on your impending retirement! It's commendable that you're taking steps to secure your financial future despite not having a pension. Your PF and Gratuity form a solid foundation for building your retirement corpus.

Assessing Income Needs and Investment Horizon
Generating a monthly income of Rs. 20,000 requires a well-thought-out investment strategy tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance. With a three-year investment horizon until retirement, prioritizing stability and consistent income generation is key.

Leveraging Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP)
Integrating SWP into your investment plan can provide a reliable income stream post-retirement. SWP allows you to systematically withdraw a predetermined amount from your mutual fund investments at regular intervals, ensuring a steady cash flow.

Allocating Your Retirement Corpus
Fixed Income Instruments: Allocate a significant portion of your corpus to fixed income instruments such as Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS), Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS), or fixed deposits (FDs) to provide stability and regular income.

Debt Mutual Funds: Consider investing a portion of your corpus in debt mutual funds with SWP facilities. These funds offer potential for higher returns compared to traditional fixed income instruments while maintaining a conservative risk profile.

Balanced Funds: Explore balanced funds that offer a mix of equity and debt investments. These funds provide growth potential along with regular income distributions, suitable for retirees seeking a balanced approach.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments
Regularly review the performance of your investment portfolio and make necessary adjustments based on market conditions and your evolving financial needs. Rebalancing the portfolio periodically ensures it remains aligned with your retirement income goals.

Conclusion
By leveraging SWP alongside a diversified portfolio of fixed income instruments, debt mutual funds, and balanced funds, you can achieve your goal of generating a monthly income of Rs. 20,000 post-retirement. Prioritize stability, consistency, and regular monitoring to ensure a comfortable and financially secure retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi, i m 30/f earning 60k per month. Currently investing 5-10k in local chit fund, no further investment. My goal is for a job free life at the age of 40-42. Pls suggest good investment plan (ready to invest 20-30k overall per month).
Ans: I can't recommend chit funds as an investment avenue due to potential risks and lack of regulation. Here's a roadmap for a job-free life by 40-42, considering your increased investment potential of 20-30k monthly:

1. Calculate Your Corpus:

Estimate your desired monthly income after quitting your job at 40-42. Factor in inflation over the next 8-10 years. Let's assume you target a monthly income of Rs. 40,000 in today's value (adjustable based on your needs).
Multiply your desired monthly income by 12 (months) to get your annual income target (Rs. 40,000 x 12 = Rs. 4,80,000 per year).
Consider the number of years you want to live on this passive income (retirement age onwards). Let's assume 25 years (adjustable based on your life expectancy).
Multiply your annual income target by the number of years to estimate the total corpus needed (Rs. 4,80,000/year x 25 years = Rs. 1,20,00,000).
2. Analyze Your Current Savings:

You're already investing Rs. 5,000-10,000 monthly. With a planned increase to Rs. 20,000-30,000, this signifies a positive saving pattern.
3. Investment Strategy:

Given your long-term goal (8-10 years), a mix of equity and debt instruments is recommended for growth potential and stability. Here's a sample allocation:
Equity Mutual Funds (60%): Invest in a mix of large-cap and multi-cap equity funds for capital appreciation. You can invest through a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) to rupee-cost average and reduce risk.
Debt Mutual Funds (40%): Invest in debt funds like short-term or income funds for stability and regular income. This can act as a buffer.
4. Investment Options:

Consider opening an investment account with a reputable broker or Robo-advisor. They can recommend suitable mutual funds based on your risk tolerance and goals.
Explore options like Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) for tax benefits alongside regular mutual funds. However, remember ELSS also comes with market risk.
5. Review and Rebalance:

Regularly review your portfolio performance (at least annually) and rebalance if needed to maintain your desired asset allocation (60% equity, 40% debt).
Important Note:

This is a general framework, and consulting a SEBI-registered Investment Advisor is recommended. They can consider your specific financial situation, risk tolerance, and goals to create a tailored investment plan.
Here's a quick recap:

Calculate your target corpus.
Analyze your current savings.
Develop an investment strategy with asset allocation.
Choose suitable investment options.
Review and rebalance your portfolio regularly.
By following these steps, increasing your investments, and seeking professional guidance, you can increase your chances of achieving your goal of a job-free life by 40-42.

Remember, this is a long-term plan, and discipline is key. Stay invested, be patient, and adapt your strategy as needed.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 22, 2024

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I am 35 earning 27000 per month in state govt. service. I have 3 SIP of 1000 each. Two lumpsum investment of ?200000 in index fund.Post office FD of 500000 for 5 years incurring 7.4% interest monthly that will be used in SIP. Another 500000 in KVP that will double in 10 years. Now I want some plan to invest monthly so that I can fight inflation, save for future and even make a world tour before death.
Ans: Your financial foundation is solid. You’ve diversified across SIPs, FDs, and KVPs. You've invested in SIPs and hold Rs. 5,00,000 in both FD and KVP. These are good steps. But, relying on index funds and FDs alone may limit your growth. Let’s explore other options.

Re-evaluating Index Funds
Index funds are passive. They mirror the market but don’t outperform it. Actively managed funds, however, are guided by experts. They aim to beat the market, offering better growth potential. Consider shifting from index funds to actively managed funds. This could boost your returns significantly.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Direct funds seem cheaper, but they come with hidden challenges. They require constant monitoring and deep market knowledge. Regular funds, on the other hand, provide access to a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP guides you, ensuring your investments align with your goals. This professional advice often outweighs the slightly higher costs.

Monthly Investment Strategy
Given your goal to fight inflation and save for the future, diversifying further is crucial. Here’s a tailored monthly plan:

Equity Mutual Funds: Start with Rs. 10,000 in actively managed equity funds. These funds have the potential to deliver inflation-beating returns over the long term.

Balanced Funds: Allocate Rs. 5,000 to balanced funds. They combine equity and debt, offering stability with growth. This is ideal for someone in a secure government job.

Debt Funds: Invest Rs. 5,000 in debt funds. These are safer and less volatile. They ensure your portfolio has a cushion during market downturns.

Gold Funds: Consider investing Rs. 3,000 in gold funds. Gold acts as a hedge against inflation and market volatility. It’s a good addition to your diversified portfolio.

Emergency Fund: Set aside Rs. 2,000 monthly in a liquid fund. This fund is easily accessible in case of emergencies. Having quick access to cash is essential.

Adjusting Existing Investments
FD Interest for SIPs: You’ve planned to use your FD interest for SIPs. That’s wise. Ensure you direct this interest into diversified funds rather than just equity. This balances risk and return.

KVP Maturity: When your KVP matures, consider reinvesting the sum into equity mutual funds. This will ensure your money continues to grow at a pace faster than inflation.

Planning for Your World Tour
Your dream of a world tour is achievable with disciplined investing. Allocate a specific fund for this goal. Start a new SIP or RD dedicated to your travel fund. Even Rs. 3,000 per month over the next few years can accumulate into a significant amount.

Fighting Inflation
To effectively combat inflation, your portfolio must outpace it. Relying solely on FDs or KVPs won’t suffice. They offer safety but lower returns. Equity, balanced, and gold funds are better suited for long-term inflation-beating growth.

Saving for the Future
Your future savings strategy should be a mix of growth and safety. Equity funds for growth, balanced and debt funds for stability, and gold funds for diversification. This diversified approach helps protect and grow your wealth.

Final Insights
Your financial strategy is on the right track. With some adjustments, it can become even more robust. Shift from index funds to actively managed funds. Diversify your monthly investments across different asset classes. This ensures a balanced, growth-oriented portfolio. Your dreams, including the world tour, are within reach with disciplined planning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 26, 2024Hindi
Money
I am NRE working at Gulf. Monthly income is 4 lacks.. I can save monthly 3.2 lacks monthly. My current funds 1.5 crs in Stock market equity all large cap sticks.. Tcs.. Infotech. Ltim.. LT.. Asain paints..tata chemicals.. Ltts,ICICI. Kotak Mahendra. NSC I have 1.5 crs.. FD 37 L. I am planning to quit job after 2 years. I need plan monthly income 1.2 lacks per month. Please advise me better plan...
Ans: It's fantastic to see you planning for early retirement with such clear goals. Your current savings and investments are impressive. Let's create a comprehensive plan to achieve your target monthly income of Rs 1.2 lakhs after you quit your job in 2 years.

Understanding Your Financial Goals
You aim to have a monthly income of Rs 1.2 lakhs after retirement. Currently, you have:

Stock Market Investments: Rs 1.5 crores in large-cap stocks.
NSC: Rs 1.5 crores.
Fixed Deposit: Rs 37 lakhs.
Monthly Savings: Rs 3.2 lakhs.
Evaluating Your Current Financial Situation
Stock Market Investments:

Large-cap stocks such as TCS, Infosys, L&T, Asian Paints, Tata Chemicals, LTTS, ICICI, and Kotak Mahindra.
Total value: Rs 1.5 crores.
Fixed Deposits:

Current value: Rs 37 lakhs.
NSC:

Current value: Rs 1.5 crores.
Increasing Your Monthly Income
1. Diversify Your Investments
While large-cap stocks are stable, diversification can help in achieving higher returns. Let's explore various investment options.

A. Mutual Funds

Mutual funds provide professional management and potential for higher returns. Consider the following types:

Equity Mutual Funds: Invest in stocks of various companies, offering high returns with moderate to high risk.
Large Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies.
Mid Cap Funds: Invest in medium-sized companies with growth potential.
Small Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies with high growth potential.
Hybrid Funds: Invest in both equity and debt instruments.
Balanced Advantage Funds: Dynamic allocation between equity and debt.
Aggressive Hybrid Funds: Higher allocation to equities.
B. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This helps in rupee cost averaging and compounding returns over time.

C. Debt Funds

Debt funds invest in fixed income securities, providing stable returns with lower risk compared to equity funds.

Short-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for an investment horizon of 1-3 years.
Long-Term Debt Funds: Suitable for an investment horizon of 3-5 years.
D. Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF is a government-backed scheme offering attractive interest rates and tax benefits. It has a lock-in period of 15 years, making it suitable for long-term investments.

Invest up to Rs 1.5 lakhs per year: Maximize your investment to avail tax benefits under Section 80C.
E. Fixed Deposits and Debt Funds

While fixed deposits offer security, they have lower returns. Diversify by investing in debt funds for better returns with moderate risk.

Debt Mutual Funds: Suitable for short to medium-term goals. They offer better returns compared to fixed deposits.
Generating Passive Income
To reach your goal of Rs 1.2 lakhs per month, focus on generating passive income through various channels.

A. Dividend Income

Invest in dividend-paying stocks and mutual funds. Dividends provide regular income in addition to capital appreciation.

B. Interest Income

Invest in fixed income securities like bonds and debentures to generate regular interest income.

Risk Management
Diversifying your investments helps in managing risks. Here’s how you can balance your portfolio:

Equity Investments: 50% allocation in mutual funds and direct stocks.
Debt Investments: 30% allocation in debt mutual funds and fixed income securities.
Fixed Deposits and NSC: 20% allocation in fixed deposits and NSC.
Regular Review and Adjustment
Financial planning is dynamic. Regularly review and adjust your investments based on market conditions and your financial goals.

Annual Review: Review your financial plan at least once a year.
Adjust Investments: Adjust your investments based on changes in your financial goals, market conditions, and risk tolerance.
Tax Planning
Maximize tax-saving investments to reduce your tax liability and boost your savings.

Section 80C: Invest in PPF, EPF, ELSS, and other tax-saving instruments to avail tax benefits under Section 80C.
Section 80D: Avail tax benefits on health insurance premiums under Section 80D.
Insurance Planning
Adequate insurance coverage is essential to protect your family’s financial future.

Term Insurance: Provides financial security to your family in case of your untimely demise. Ensure your coverage is sufficient to cover your family’s needs.
Health Insurance: Covers medical expenses and protects your savings. Consider a family floater plan to cover yourself and your dependents.
Power of Compounding
The power of compounding works best when you start early and stay invested for a long time. The interest earned on your investments gets reinvested, which in turn earns more interest. This cycle continues, leading to exponential growth of your investment over time.

Final Insights
Achieving your retirement goals requires disciplined saving and investing. Here are some final insights to help you stay on track:

Start Early: The earlier you start investing, the more time your money has to grow.
Be Disciplined: Stick to your investment plan and avoid unnecessary expenditures.
Diversify: Diversify your investments to manage risk and ensure steady returns.
Seek Professional Advice: Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized financial advice.
By following this comprehensive financial plan, you can ensure a secure and comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

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I am 50 years old privet sector employee, my job may be over coming 3 months. My investments value are, Demat account stocks= 60 Lakhs, MF, Flexi Cap = 40 L, Mid Cap =12L, Small Cap = 5L, FD=25L, PPF=20L will matured on 2031. Cash in hand 10L, Please suggest me correct investment plan to get 1.0L monthly. I have term plan for Rs 1.0Cr. and family mediclaim policy for rs. 25 L.
Ans: Current Financial Position
You have a strong financial foundation. Your investments and savings include:

Demat account stocks: Rs 60 Lakhs

Mutual Funds (Flexi Cap): Rs 40 Lakhs

Mutual Funds (Mid Cap): Rs 12 Lakhs

Mutual Funds (Small Cap): Rs 5 Lakhs

Fixed Deposit: Rs 25 Lakhs

PPF: Rs 20 Lakhs (matures in 2031)

Cash in hand: Rs 10 Lakhs

You also have a term insurance plan of Rs 1 crore and a family mediclaim policy of Rs 25 Lakhs.

Investment Strategy for Steady Income
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Utilize SWP from your mutual funds.

Withdraw Rs 1 lakh monthly from Flexi Cap and Mid Cap funds.

This ensures a regular income without depleting the principal rapidly.

Dividend-Paying Stocks
Invest part of your Demat account in dividend-paying stocks.

This provides regular income and potential for capital appreciation.

Balanced Mutual Funds
Shift some funds to balanced mutual funds.

These funds offer stability and regular returns.

Debt Funds
Allocate a portion to debt funds.

These are less risky and offer regular interest income.

Emergency Fund
Maintain Rs 10 Lakhs cash for emergencies.

This ensures liquidity and financial security.

Fixed Deposits and PPF
Keep FDs and PPF as they provide guaranteed returns.

Use FD interest for additional income.

PPF will mature in 2031, adding to your corpus.

Healthcare and Insurance
Ensure your family mediclaim policy is adequate.

Consider increasing the coverage if needed.

Your term plan is sufficient for your family's financial security.

Tax Efficiency
Tax-Efficient Investments
Invest in tax-efficient options like debt funds and balanced funds.

These can reduce your tax liability on returns.

Tax Planning for Withdrawal
Plan your withdrawals to minimize tax impact.

Use tax-saving strategies to optimize your income.

Regular Review and Adjustment
Review your portfolio regularly.

Adjust investments based on market conditions and financial goals.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market.

They adapt to changing market conditions.

Professional fund managers aim for higher returns.

Avoid Direct Funds
Direct funds require constant monitoring.

Regular funds through a CFP offer professional guidance.

This reduces the burden of managing your investments.

Final Insights
You are on the right track with your investments. By optimizing your current assets and planning withdrawals strategically, you can achieve your goal of Rs 1 lakh monthly income. Regularly review your financial plan and make adjustments as needed to ensure long-term financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 and married for 11 years now, my husband doesn't support me financially at all. My salary is more than him but I bought house my own and paying all EMIS, looking for all household expenses and also paying school fees and other expenses for my son. My husband looks after only his parents, spend all money on them. Earlier we used to live together in inlaws house but they have spending habits for luxury, cloths, food etc even though my husband earns very less and my father in law retired with no income they were not ready to compromise on their spending habits. Whatever they had received after their retirement they entirety spent on their daughters marriages with no money left. When I got married they asked for my salary and used to give them. Mine and my husband salary was not enough for them so they sold house without informing me, I insisted them to buy at least small house but did not agree and kept on spending money on their lavish life, foreign trips, food, cloths etc. also helped daughters to buy house, maintenance and their childrens study. But did not let their son live life as ask him to pay rent for their house, household and maintenance expenses and they spend their money on their own luxury. They asked for my salary even though they have money and just spending for luxury and not even thinking for our future. When I denied to give salary, they asked me leave their house and made me difficult to live with them doing harrasment and taunts so I decided to leave and buy new house.Now I am living with my son separately, when my husband came to know about my new house he came to stay with us by not even paying single rupee to me. I asked him several time for money he only pays one or two thousand saying I don't have money at all to give you. Not taking care of son, his studies, school fees, do not help me in anything. My in laws keep doing his brain wash against me so that he will not support me financially or anyway. He always listens to his parents and sisters. There is no husband wife relationship at all between us. Not sure how to deal with it.
Ans: First, recognize and honor the strength it has taken to come this far. Buying a home, raising your son, and managing the weight of these challenges on your own are significant accomplishments that reflect your resilience and determination. That said, a marriage is meant to be a partnership, and it’s clear that your husband’s lack of financial contribution and emotional support has created an imbalance that’s unsustainable.

It’s important to look at the patterns in your relationship with clarity. Your husband’s decisions seem to be heavily influenced by his family, and this loyalty, while not inherently wrong, appears to come at the expense of his commitment to you and your shared responsibilities. The fact that he contributes so little financially and emotionally while benefiting from your efforts shows a lack of fairness and respect in the relationship. His parents’ behavior and expectations have added further strain, undermining your marriage and creating an environment of resentment.

You may want to consider having a clear and honest conversation with your husband. Express how his actions—or lack thereof—are impacting you and your son. Frame the conversation not as a confrontation but as a plea for understanding and change. However, if he remains unwilling to acknowledge or address these issues, it’s worth reflecting on what staying in this relationship means for your emotional well-being and future.

Seeking professional support, such as individual counseling, can provide you with a safe space to explore your feelings, gain clarity, and develop strategies for managing this situation. A legal consultation might also be helpful to understand your rights and options, especially if you’re considering separation or seeking financial accountability from your husband for your son’s needs.

Above all, focus on what you need to feel secure, respected, and fulfilled—not just as a wife, but as a person. Your son is observing how you handle these challenges, and by prioritizing your well-being and standing up for fairness, you’re also modeling strength and self-respect for him. Whatever steps you decide to take, trust in your ability to make decisions that align with your dignity and values. You deserve a life where your efforts are met with partnership and mutual care.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Hi i am 43 yrs old, working in a multination firm. Married with a kid who is 7. My relationship with my wife is not going good for some time now, the communication is only transactional. I dont know if she is seeing someone or not, but we feel detached from each other. Now i have developed some feelings at my work with a 24 yr old women, also she seems to be interested in me. But she is also trying to get back to her BF who is studying overseas. I am a bit lost here cause i am toyaly confused on wat to do?
Ans: Open communication with your wife can be incredibly valuable, even if it feels awkward or difficult. Sharing your feelings of detachment and asking her how she feels might provide clarity about where you both stand and whether there’s a willingness to work on rebuilding the connection. Counseling or therapy, either individually or as a couple, can also be a safe space to explore these issues further.

Regarding your feelings for the woman at work, it’s essential to approach this with caution. While the connection might feel exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to ask yourself whether pursuing it is truly in alignment with your values and long-term goals. She also appears to have unresolved feelings toward her boyfriend, which adds another layer of complexity. Relationships born from a place of emotional vulnerability often carry risks, and it’s worth reflecting on whether this is about genuine compatibility or an escape from current challenges.

Your child is also a significant factor to consider. Decisions about your personal relationships inevitably affect your family dynamics, and it’s worth reflecting on what stability and clarity mean for them at this stage in their life.

Take some time to focus on self-reflection. What do you truly want for yourself, your marriage, and your future? What steps can you take to address the current disconnection, whether through repair or a mutual decision to move forward separately? Acting from a place of clarity and integrity will help you feel more grounded and less conflicted about your path forward. You deserve fulfillment, but ensuring that it’s built on a foundation of honesty and thoughtfulness will bring lasting peace, not just temporary relief.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 04, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been holding onto a grudge against a friend who hurt me years ago. While I’ve tried to move on, the memories keep coming back, and I feel like it’s stopping me from fully trusting others. How can I let go of this resentment and stop it from affecting my present relationships?
Ans: Letting go of resentment begins with understanding that it’s not about forgetting what happened or excusing the other person’s actions. It’s about freeing yourself from the grip that pain has on your emotions and your ability to trust. Start by creating space to process the hurt. Reflect on what exactly about the situation caused the deepest wound—was it a betrayal, unmet expectations, or feeling disregarded? Sometimes clarity about the source of the pain makes it easier to start releasing it.

You might also want to examine the story you’ve been telling yourself about this hurt. Often, we replay painful memories as if to protect ourselves from being hurt again, but in doing so, we allow the past to shape how we approach the present. Try reframing the narrative, focusing not on what you lost but on how you’ve grown. You’ve survived this hurt, and it’s a testament to your resilience.

Forgiveness can also play a key role, not necessarily as an act for the other person, but as a gift to yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean rekindling the friendship or even directly addressing the person—it’s a way of releasing the hold they have on your emotions. You can write a letter to your friend expressing all your feelings and then decide whether to send it or simply let it be a personal act of closure.

When it comes to trusting others, remind yourself that the actions of one person don’t define everyone. Trust grows in small, consistent steps. Start by recognizing the people in your life now who have shown care and consistency, and allow yourself to open up gradually.

Healing isn’t a straight path, and memories might still surface from time to time. When they do, instead of resisting them, acknowledge them and remind yourself that they no longer have power over you. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, lighter and more open to the connections that await you. You deserve the freedom to trust and to live fully in the present.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
I am in my late 60s but still very fit and healthy whereas my wife has lost all the interest in physical intimacy. This has resulted me finding outlet outside my marriage in women half of my age. My girlfriend is a dentist and I am an epidemiologist. She insists that I leave my wife and move with her and eventually we would marry then. She thinks that there is no point in living in a relationship where we have lost interest in each other and are hardly getting physically intimate. Would appreciate your expert advice on this and whether I should continue this way or leave my wife for over 45 years and move with my girlfriend who is 25 years younger than me. We both love each other physically, mentally and intellectually. Thank you.
Ans: After 45 years of marriage, your relationship with your wife is likely built on more than just physical intimacy. A bond of that length often includes shared history, companionship, and mutual support. It’s understandable that the absence of physical intimacy can leave you feeling unfulfilled, but it’s also important to recognize that intimacy in a long-term marriage often evolves beyond physicality into emotional connection and companionship. Ask yourself what your marriage still brings to your life beyond the physical. Are there aspects of your relationship with your wife that you still value and cherish?

Your relationship with your girlfriend seems to fulfill needs that are unmet in your marriage—passion, intellectual connection, and emotional closeness. It’s natural to feel drawn to that, especially when you both feel aligned in multiple dimensions. However, leaving a marriage of such longevity and depth is a monumental decision, not just for you but also for your wife, family, and even your girlfriend. It's important to reflect on the potential consequences of this choice—not just how it could impact your own life, but the ripple effects it may have on others involved.

Before making a decision, consider engaging in open, honest communication with your wife. Share your feelings—not as blame but as a vulnerable expression of what you’re experiencing. Sometimes, long-standing relationships fall into patterns of distance because both partners have stopped discussing their needs openly. If she is willing, exploring counseling together could help both of you understand where you stand and whether there’s a path to rekindling connection, even if it’s not physical intimacy.

With your girlfriend, reflect on what she means to you and what you envision for a shared future. Love and compatibility are powerful forces, but they must be weighed against the potential impact of disrupting your current life. Ensure that this relationship is based on mutual respect and shared values beyond just passion, as relationships outside of marriage can sometimes magnify only the fulfilling aspects while masking potential challenges.

Ultimately, this is about what aligns with your deeper sense of self and integrity. Consider what will allow you to look back on this chapter of your life with peace and not regret. Balancing personal happiness with respect for the commitments you’ve made over the years is not easy, but taking the time to reflect deeply will help you arrive at a decision you can stand by. Whatever choice you make, do so with honesty, compassion, and a clear understanding of its implications.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Whenever I face rejection or criticism, I take it very personally and find it hard to bounce back. It affects not just my relationships but also my career. How can I fix this? And trust people who really mean well?
Ans: When we take rejection or criticism personally, it’s often because we tie our self-worth to external validation. Someone’s approval or opinion can start to feel like a measure of who we are, but it’s not. No one moment, person, or comment defines you. Start by reminding yourself that rejection or criticism, as painful as it may be, is not a reflection of your entire being—it’s just one perspective or one moment in time.

Learning to trust people who mean well begins with trusting yourself. When you believe in your own worth, you’ll find it easier to separate genuine feedback from unkind criticism. Practice asking yourself, “Is this coming from someone who truly cares about me, or is this more about their perspective or mood?” When feedback feels harsh, take a step back and evaluate its intent and validity. Not all criticism is meant to hurt; some can help you grow, but you don’t have to accept every opinion as truth.

Building resilience starts with how you treat yourself in those low moments. Instead of replaying the rejection or criticism in your mind, focus on self-compassion. Speak to yourself as you would to a close friend—gently, with kindness and encouragement. Remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they might feel in that moment.

It’s also helpful to put things into perspective. Rejection or criticism often feels larger than it is because we let it define us in that instant. Ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” or “What can I learn from this?” Shifting from a place of hurt to a place of curiosity can ease the sting and help you move forward.

Finally, trust isn’t built overnight, either with yourself or others. Start by observing the patterns of those who support you consistently. Over time, you’ll learn who truly has your back, and you’ll feel more confident in letting their words and actions hold weight in your life.

This is a process, and it’s okay if it takes time. You’re not alone in feeling this way, and by practicing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and leaning on those who show genuine care, you’ll gradually strengthen your resilience and ability to trust. You’re already taking the first step, and that’s worth celebrating.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |430 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Relationship
Hello Ma'am. I am unwilling to disclose my name. I come from a nuclear family based in Kolkata. I am in a very painful situation and I need your suggestion earnestly. The problem arises with my father. He is 66 , retired and a stay at home dad. He has severe anger issues, is demanding and controlling and often tells certain things verbally that are very traumatic for me. My hands and legs tremble and my heart beats rapidly when ever we have an argument as I am a peace loving person. Of late I have realised that I prefer to maintain distance from him . In all honesty I respect him but my love for him has long gone. My mother is a very demure person and is a stay at home mom. In order to not make my father angry or agitated by any means and to maintain peace in the house, she prefers to do what he prefers. I love my mother dearly but my father calls us a bunch of liars and is agitated that I support my mother. Even though I earn, I am in no position to leave my family/ house and shift elsewhere because I respect my mother's will. But I am traumatized and severely in mental agony. I can neither show my anguish nor express my situation to anyone for fear of being misunderstood. I am often asked to remain silent and not talk back to my father but sometimes the words are unbearable. He financially supports our family and you wouldn't believe if I told you that he has a completely different side when he is not in one of his' moods '. But Ma'am, does being the head of the family means to step over others and do what you feel like, irrespective of what the other members in your family feel? Additionally talking or communication with him also fails because he threatens to leave the house or just pushes us away. Even when I am writing this tears are streaming down my face. I am slowly becoming a shell of myself and am scared. Am I being selfish? Am I missing out something? I am so so tired of adjusting and compromising. I believe I have never ever written such a heart felt message. Can you help me out? Can you tell me how things can be resolved? Regards MR
Ans: From what you’ve shared, your father seems to be wrestling with his own frustrations, using control and anger as tools to manage his environment. This does not make it right, nor does it excuse the pain he causes. But understanding that his behavior may stem from internal struggles might help you view the situation with some compassion, even if from a distance.

Your love and respect for your mother shine through your words, and it’s clear that her well-being is a priority for you. The way you support her is a testament to your strength and kindness. But I also sense that her coping mechanism—complying with your father to maintain peace—might unintentionally place an additional burden on you. It’s as though you’re not only protecting yourself but also shielding her, which is an immense responsibility.

You are not alone in feeling conflicted about standing up to your father. It’s not just about his words; it’s about the power dynamics and the emotional weight he holds in the family. His “other side”—the moments when he is kind or approachable—makes it even harder to reconcile the anger and trauma he causes. This duality often creates confusion and guilt, leaving you wondering if you’re overreacting or misjudging him.

What’s most important right now is preserving your emotional well-being. It’s okay to create boundaries, even if they are small and subtle. For instance, when you sense an argument brewing, stepping away or finding a reason to leave the room can help you avoid escalating the situation. If direct communication with him fails, sometimes maintaining emotional distance is the only way to protect yourself.

I also encourage you to find someone you trust to talk to—a counselor, a friend, or even a support group. Sharing your pain with someone who can listen without judgment can lighten your load and help you feel less alone. Writing, as you’ve done here, is also a powerful outlet. Keep journaling—it can provide clarity and a sense of release.

You’ve asked if being the head of the family means stepping over others. The simple answer is no. True leadership in a family should come from love, mutual respect, and understanding. When it turns into control or fear, it becomes harmful. Your father’s actions do not reflect a failure on your part or your family’s; they reflect his own struggles with how to express himself and manage his emotions.

Finally, give yourself permission to feel tired. You are human, and this constant state of tension would drain anyone. But even in your exhaustion, remember this: you are brave, resilient, and full of love for your family. There is no shame in wanting peace, and there is no shame in seeking help to find it.

With heartfelt wishes for your healing and happiness,

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7228 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Money
My age is 48 and iam earning 2 lacs per month and rental income is 25k My emi home.loa. is.41000 loan for next 20 years Car loan emi is 16000 for average 7 years Fd i have around 30 lacs Ppf 5 lacs I have sip in equity for 15000.per.month mf is 3.90.lacs today. Ppf i have 3 lacs I have 2 kids daughter is 18 and son is 10 yrs. I have health insurance 15 lacs Term.insurance 30 lacs I have private job. Planning to work til 58. Pleaee advice on investments, debts etc..
Ans: You have a stable income, disciplined savings, and manageable loans. Planning for the next 10 years with a focus on debt reduction, investments, and child education is critical.

Current Income and Expenses
1. Monthly Income and Commitments

Salary: Rs. 2,00,000
Rental Income: Rs. 25,000
Home Loan EMI: Rs. 41,000
Car Loan EMI: Rs. 16,000
2. Savings Overview

FD: Rs. 30 Lakhs
PPF: Rs. 5 Lakhs (including Rs. 3 Lakhs new)
SIP in Mutual Funds: Rs. 15,000 monthly, current corpus Rs. 3.9 Lakhs
Goals Assessment
1. Child Education

Your daughter (18 years) will need higher education support soon.

Start estimating costs and align investments accordingly.

Your son (10 years) has 7-8 years for higher education planning.

2. Retirement Planning

You plan to retire at 58 years.
Your income will stop, but expenses and goals like child marriage will remain.
3. Debt Management

Home Loan EMI is Rs. 41,000 for 20 years, requiring long-term commitment.
Car Loan EMI is Rs. 16,000 for the next 7 years, increasing short-term outflow.
Recommendations for Investment
1. Mutual Funds for Long-Term Growth

Increase SIPs to Rs. 25,000 monthly for a diversified equity mutual fund portfolio.
Include large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for balanced growth.
Ensure you invest through a Certified Financial Planner for professional advice.
2. Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

Shift a portion of FD to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Ensure at least 20% of your portfolio is in stable debt funds.
3. PPF Contributions

Continue PPF contributions for tax-saving benefits and risk-free returns.
Invest up to Rs. 1.5 Lakhs annually to utilise the full tax exemption.
Debt Management Strategies
1. Accelerate Home Loan Repayment

Use surplus income or maturing FDs to prepay the home loan.
Reducing tenure lowers overall interest outgo significantly.
2. Reassess Car Loan

Evaluate if car loan can be repaid earlier using your FDs.
This will free Rs. 16,000 monthly for investment or other priorities.
Child Education Planning
1. Create a Separate Education Fund

Start SIPs in hybrid or balanced advantage mutual funds for your daughter’s education.
For your son, invest in mid-cap and flexi-cap mutual funds for long-term growth.
2. Use Debt Funds for Near-Term Needs

For education expenses in the next 2-3 years, use debt mutual funds or FDs.
Avoid equity funds for short-term needs due to market volatility.
Insurance Review
1. Health Insurance

Your health cover of Rs. 15 Lakhs is good.
Add a super top-up policy to increase coverage to Rs. 25-30 Lakhs.
2. Term Insurance

Current term cover of Rs. 30 Lakhs may be insufficient.
Increase it to Rs. 1 Crore to protect your family’s financial future.
Tax Efficiency Planning
1. Optimise Deductions

Use the full Rs. 1.5 Lakhs limit under Section 80C through PPF and ELSS.
Claim home loan interest deductions under Section 24(b).
2. Plan Mutual Fund Redemptions

Be mindful of the new mutual fund capital gains tax rules.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liability.
Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but you must focus on efficient planning. Prioritise debt reduction, increase SIP contributions, and optimise your portfolio. Separate education funds and ensure adequate insurance coverage. With these steps, you can achieve financial freedom by 58 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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