Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 14, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Monika Question by Monika on Jul 14, 2024Hindi
Money

I am 29 years old and I am a senior product analyst. I have started investing in SIP in 3 funds at the start of this financial year. 1. Axis small cap with 5k 2. Mahindra manulife midcap with 5k 3. Navi nifty 50 index with 5k I started this mutual fund for for second daughter as a disciple saving as I already have sukanya scheme for elder daughter. Please suggest if I can diversify more in any other sip funds. Am I ok with the portfolio? Needs to add more money?

Ans: Investing in mutual funds is a wise decision for securing your daughters' futures. As a 29-year-old senior product analyst, you have a good understanding of the importance of disciplined savings. Let’s delve into your current portfolio and discuss how you can optimize it further.

Current Portfolio Overview
Your current investment strategy includes the following SIPs:

Axis Small Cap: Rs 5,000 monthly.
Mahindra Manulife Midcap: Rs 5,000 monthly.
Navi Nifty 50 Index: Rs 5,000 monthly.
These investments are geared towards your second daughter, while you already have the Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana (SSY) for your elder daughter. This demonstrates a prudent approach to securing your children's financial futures.

Portfolio Analysis
Your portfolio comprises small cap, midcap, and index funds. Each fund type offers different benefits and risks. Let’s evaluate each:

Small Cap Fund
Small cap funds can provide high returns over the long term. However, they are also highly volatile. Your investment in Axis Small Cap indicates a willingness to accept higher risk for potentially higher returns. Given your age, this is reasonable, but diversification can help manage the associated risks.

Midcap Fund
Midcap funds strike a balance between the high risk of small caps and the stability of large caps. Mahindra Manulife Midcap Fund is a good choice to achieve moderate growth. Midcaps tend to perform well over longer investment horizons, which aligns with your goal for your daughters' future.

Index Fund
Navi Nifty 50 Index Fund offers a diversified investment in the top 50 companies in India. While index funds have lower expense ratios, they do not outperform the market as actively managed funds might. As a Certified Financial Planner, I would suggest considering actively managed funds for higher potential returns.

Suggested Improvements and Diversification
Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform index funds. Fund managers actively select stocks and adjust the portfolio based on market conditions. This can result in better returns, especially in volatile markets. Consider adding actively managed large-cap or multi-cap funds to your portfolio for potential superior performance.

Debt Funds
To balance the risk, adding some debt funds can provide stability. Debt funds invest in fixed income securities, which can protect your capital and provide steady returns. This will also help in reducing overall portfolio volatility.

Diversified Equity Funds
Diversified equity funds invest across market capitalizations. They provide exposure to various sectors and can mitigate risks associated with investing in a single market segment. Including a diversified equity fund in your portfolio can enhance risk-adjusted returns.

International Funds
Investing in international funds can provide exposure to global markets. This diversification can reduce reliance on the Indian market alone and take advantage of growth in other economies. International funds can be a good hedge against domestic market volatility.

Increasing Investment Amount
Considering the long-term nature of your goal and the power of compounding, increasing your SIP amount can significantly boost your investment corpus. Even a small increment in your monthly investment can lead to substantial growth over time. Evaluate your financial capacity and consider increasing your SIPs to accelerate wealth creation.

Monitoring and Reviewing Portfolio
Regularly monitoring your portfolio and reviewing its performance is crucial. This ensures that your investments remain aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. Make adjustments as needed based on market conditions and personal circumstances.


You are doing a commendable job by planning for your daughters' futures at such an early stage. Your disciplined approach to savings and investments is admirable. Balancing between high-risk, high-reward investments and stable, low-risk options shows your dedication to financial planning.

Benefits of Investing through a Certified Financial Planner
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides several advantages. CFPs offer professional advice tailored to your financial goals. They help in selecting the right funds, ensuring optimal asset allocation, and adjusting the portfolio based on market dynamics. This can significantly enhance your investment outcomes.

Avoiding Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem appealing due to lower expense ratios. However, investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials can offer valuable insights and support. Regular funds come with expert management and guidance, which can be crucial in navigating complex market scenarios.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Regular funds provide access to professional management. Fund managers actively track market trends and make informed decisions to maximize returns. The additional cost of regular funds is justified by the potential for better performance and comprehensive financial advice.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio demonstrates a solid foundation for long-term growth. By diversifying further and considering actively managed funds, debt funds, and international exposure, you can enhance your portfolio's performance and stability. Increasing your SIP amount and seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner will further optimize your investment strategy.

Your commitment to securing your daughters' futures is commendable. With a balanced and diversified approach, you are well on your way to achieving your financial goals. Remember to review your portfolio regularly and make adjustments as needed to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
Asked on - Jul 25, 2024 | Answered on Jul 26, 2024
Listen
Thanks for the brief suggestions sir. This really helps me in understanding the portfolio. Tha s for the recommendations. I will surely add the large and multi cap funds
Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir. I am 38 years old have started SIP from 2024 jan. Following are the fund i am doing SIP. 1. Kotak ELSS 2. Quant ELSS 3.parag parikh flexi cap- regular 4.Nippon infrastructure growth-regular 5. SBI contra- regular 6.franklin india focussed equity fund-regular 7.Bajaj finserv multiasset alocation-regular 8.ICICI prudential silver ETF fund 9.ICICI prudential bharat 22 fof 10. HDFC small cap fund- regular My total monthly SIP amount 23000 INR. Kindy let me know if i have good portfolio diversification. Do i need to stop SIP in any kf above fund and start some other good fund. My motto is to get maximum return for next 10-15 years.
Ans: Assessing Your Investment Portfolio
Your investment portfolio is diversified, and that is commendable. However, let’s delve into the specifics of your funds to see if there’s room for optimization. Portfolio diversification is essential, but too many funds can lead to over-diversification, which might dilute returns.

Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS)
You have two ELSS funds. ELSS is excellent for tax-saving under Section 80C. They also offer the potential for high returns due to their equity exposure. However, investing in multiple ELSS funds can be redundant. Consider consolidating your ELSS investments into one well-performing fund to streamline your portfolio.

Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds are versatile as they invest across market capitalizations based on the fund manager's outlook. Your flexi cap fund choice is prudent as it offers flexibility and diversification within itself. This type of fund can balance risk and reward effectively, adapting to market conditions.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds
You are investing in an infrastructure growth fund. Sectoral funds can provide high returns but come with higher risk due to their concentrated exposure. Infrastructure is a promising sector but is also susceptible to economic cycles and regulatory changes. It’s wise to limit exposure to such sector-specific funds to avoid significant volatility in your portfolio.

Contra Funds
Contra funds invest in undervalued stocks and follow a contrarian approach. These funds can provide significant returns during market corrections when undervalued stocks rebound. However, they require patience and a long-term horizon, which aligns well with your 10-15 year investment goal.

Focused Equity Funds
Focused equity funds concentrate on a limited number of stocks. This strategy can yield higher returns if the selected stocks perform well but also increases risk due to lower diversification. Ensure that the focused equity fund aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term goals.

Multi-Asset Allocation Funds
Multi-asset allocation funds invest across asset classes like equity, debt, and gold, providing diversification and risk management. This fund type is suitable for balanced growth and risk mitigation. Including such a fund in your portfolio adds stability and reduces dependency on market performance.

Precious Metals Fund
Your investment in a silver ETF fund adds an element of commodity diversification. Precious metals like silver can hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations. However, precious metal funds can be volatile and might not perform consistently over time. Limit exposure to such funds to avoid excessive risk.

Fund of Funds (FoF)
The Bharat 22 FoF invests in a basket of stocks from the Bharat 22 index, providing diversification within a single fund. FoFs can offer easy access to diversified portfolios but come with higher expense ratios due to the layered fee structure. Ensure the FoF aligns with your overall investment strategy and cost considerations.

Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential. These funds can offer substantial returns but also come with higher risk due to market volatility. Given your long-term horizon, small cap funds can be a valuable addition for capital growth, but monitor their performance and risk exposure closely.

Regular vs. Direct Funds
You have chosen regular plans through a mutual fund distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential. Regular funds have slightly higher expense ratios due to distributor commissions. However, the guidance and advice from a certified professional can be invaluable in navigating market complexities and making informed decisions. Direct funds, while cheaper, require a deep understanding of market dynamics and continuous monitoring, which might not be feasible for all investors.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds, which you haven't opted for, have the disadvantage of passively following a market index. They cannot outperform the market as they merely replicate index performance. In contrast, actively managed funds, like the ones in your portfolio, have the potential to outperform through strategic stock selection and market timing by experienced fund managers. Active management can add significant value, especially in volatile or bearish markets.

Portfolio Optimization Suggestions
Consolidate ELSS Investments: Streamline your ELSS investments into one well-performing fund to avoid redundancy and simplify tracking.

Review Sectoral Fund Exposure: Limit exposure to sectoral funds like the infrastructure growth fund to manage risk better. Sectoral funds should not form a large portion of your portfolio.

Focus on Core Holdings: Maintain a balanced mix of flexi cap, contra, and focused equity funds as core holdings for stable and diversified growth.

Limit Precious Metals and Sectoral Exposure: Keep your investments in precious metals and sectoral funds minimal to avoid excessive risk from market volatility.

Evaluate Expense Ratios: Regularly review the expense ratios of your funds, especially the FoFs, to ensure they are cost-effective relative to their performance.

Understanding Market Cycles and Patience
Investing for 10-15 years requires understanding market cycles and having patience. Markets will have ups and downs, and staying invested during downturns is crucial for long-term growth. Avoid the temptation to make frequent changes based on short-term market movements. Instead, focus on your long-term goals and stay committed to your investment strategy.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly reviewing your portfolio and rebalancing it as needed is vital. As market conditions change, the allocation of your investments may drift from your original plan. Rebalancing ensures that your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and investment objectives. It also helps lock in gains and manage risks effectively.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across various asset classes and sectors. While you have diversified your investments, ensure that no single fund or sector dominates your portfolio. Proper diversification can enhance returns while mitigating risks, helping you achieve a balanced and resilient portfolio.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides access to professional advice tailored to your financial goals. A CFP can help you make informed decisions, optimize your portfolio, and navigate complex market conditions. Their expertise ensures that your investments are aligned with your risk tolerance and long-term objectives.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio demonstrates a commendable approach towards diversification and long-term growth. However, streamlining your investments and focusing on core holdings can enhance returns and manage risks more effectively. Regular reviews and rebalancing, along with professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner, will ensure that your investment journey remains on track towards achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
Money
Dear Sir I am 38 years old with monthly salary around 125k, doing Sip since last year, my current Sip is 57k per month as below, 10k - SBI Nifty 50 index 3k - Motilal oswal Nsdaq 100 FOF 5K - DSP Nifty next 50 index 4k - Nippon india small cap 5k - Motilal oswal mid cap 3.5k - Quant mid cap 7k - ICICI bluechip 3.5k Mirae Asset large cap 3.5k - Parag parikh flexicap 4.5k - Canara robeco emerging equity 3k - HDFC multicap 3k - ICICI manufacturing fund 2k - ICICI Bharat 22 FOF Current mutual fund portfolio is 5 Lakh and 6 Lakhs are invested in direct stocks, also I have incresed my EPF to 100%.. All are direct fund. Could you please check and suggest if I have done over diversification and which funds might be overlapping, also which fund I need to leave and stay....I have long term horizon of 20+ years.
Ans: Your portfolio showcases a commendable commitment to wealth creation. You're investing Rs. 57,000 monthly through SIPs and have diversified across various mutual funds and direct stocks. With Rs. 5 lakh in mutual funds and Rs. 6 lakh in direct stocks, you’re on a solid path for long-term financial growth.

You have chosen to allocate 100% of your EPF contributions, which is a prudent decision given the tax benefits and guaranteed returns that EPF offers.

Let’s assess the diversification, overlap, and identify areas for improvement to streamline your investments.

Diversification Assessment
Your portfolio covers a range of equity segments, including large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds. This diversification is generally positive for risk management. However, there is a fine line between adequate diversification and over-diversification.

Pros of Diversification:

Risk Spread: By investing in various segments, you spread your risk across different market conditions.
Potential for Growth: Exposure to mid-cap and small-cap funds can yield higher returns during bullish markets.
Cons of Over-Diversification:

Diminished Returns: Over-diversification can dilute your returns, as gains in one fund may be offset by losses in another.
Complex Management: Tracking multiple funds can become cumbersome and may lead to inefficiency.
In your case, 12 funds seem to be slightly on the higher side, considering the possibility of overlap and the potential inefficiency in managing them.

Overlap Evaluation
Overlap occurs when you invest in multiple funds that hold similar stocks or sectors. This can inadvertently increase your exposure to certain stocks or sectors, leading to unintended risk concentration.

Fund Category Overlap
Large-Cap Funds: You have investments in multiple large-cap funds. These funds are likely to have significant overlap in their top holdings.

Mid-Cap Funds: Your portfolio includes several mid-cap funds. Mid-cap stocks can be volatile, and having multiple funds in this segment might lead to redundancy.

Small-Cap Funds: Small-cap funds are known for higher risk and reward potential. Having more than one small-cap fund increases your exposure to this volatile segment.

Sectoral/Thematic Overlap
Sectoral Funds: Investing in sectoral or thematic funds like manufacturing or Bharat 22 can lead to sectoral concentration, especially if other funds also have exposure to these sectors.

Index Funds: Index funds are passively managed and track a specific index. However, their returns are often capped, and they don’t benefit from active fund management that can potentially deliver higher returns.

Detailed Analysis of Funds
Large-Cap Segment
Overview: Large-cap funds are generally safer with steady returns. However, holding multiple large-cap funds can be redundant as they usually invest in similar stocks.

Recommendation: Consider reducing the number of large-cap funds to one or two. Focus on funds with consistent track records and experienced fund managers.

Mid-Cap Segment
Overview: Mid-cap funds offer a balance between risk and return. However, too many mid-cap funds can lead to overlap and unnecessary complexity.

Recommendation: Limit your mid-cap exposure to one or two well-performing funds. This can simplify your portfolio while maintaining exposure to potential high-growth stocks.

Small-Cap Segment
Overview: Small-cap funds are highly volatile but can offer high returns over the long term. Given their nature, it’s advisable not to overexpose your portfolio to this segment.

Recommendation: Retain only one small-cap fund. This will reduce volatility in your portfolio while still allowing you to benefit from the growth potential of small-cap stocks.

Thematic/Sectoral Funds
Overview: Thematic and sectoral funds are risky because they are concentrated in specific sectors. While they can perform well during sectoral booms, they are also susceptible to sharp declines.

Recommendation: Carefully consider the long-term prospects of these sectors. You may want to reduce or eliminate exposure to these funds, depending on your confidence in the specific sector.

Direct Stocks
You have Rs. 6 lakh invested in direct stocks. This is a good approach if you have the time and expertise to manage individual stocks. However, direct stocks carry higher risks compared to mutual funds, as they are not diversified.

Recommendation: Regularly review your stock portfolio. Ensure that the stocks you hold align with your long-term investment strategy. Avoid concentration in any single sector or stock. Consider shifting a portion of your direct stock investments to mutual funds if you prefer a less hands-on approach.
EPF Contribution
Increasing your EPF contribution to 100% is a prudent move. EPF offers guaranteed returns, tax benefits, and is a critical component of retirement planning. This ensures that a portion of your portfolio is in a low-risk, stable investment.

Recommendation: Continue maximizing your EPF contributions, especially given your long-term horizon. This will provide a strong foundation for your retirement corpus.
Direct vs. Regular Funds
You’ve opted for direct funds, which typically have lower expense ratios compared to regular funds. However, investing directly requires more effort in terms of research and management.

Cons of Direct Funds:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds don’t come with the benefit of advice from a Certified Financial Planner.
Effort Required: You must stay updated on market trends and fund performance regularly.
Benefits of Regular Funds:

Professional Guidance: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner can help in fund selection, portfolio review, and strategic planning.
Convenience: You save time and effort as your investments are managed by professionals who continuously monitor market trends.
Recommendation: If you find managing direct funds challenging, consider switching to regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner. This can provide peace of mind and ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your goals.

Strategy for the Long-Term Horizon
With a 20+ year investment horizon, your primary focus should be on wealth accumulation with a balanced risk-reward profile.

Key Strategies:
Focus on Quality Funds: Choose funds with consistent performance over the long term. Quality funds managed by experienced professionals can navigate market cycles better.

Minimize Overlap: Reduce the number of funds in your portfolio to avoid duplication and enhance efficiency.

Diversify Across Asset Classes: While equity is crucial for long-term growth, consider diversifying into other asset classes like debt funds for stability.

Review Regularly: Periodically review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio demonstrates a strong commitment to your financial future. However, it’s essential to streamline your investments to avoid over-diversification and overlap. Focus on quality funds with a proven track record, minimize redundancy, and maintain a balanced approach.

Consider working with a Certified Financial Planner who can provide professional guidance, help you optimize your portfolio, and ensure that your investments remain on track to meet your long-term goals.

Taking these steps will help you achieve financial success while reducing complexity and maximizing returns.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Listen
Relationship
I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

...Read more

Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
Listen
Health
Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x