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28-Year-Old Indian Muslim Seeking Interest-Free Financial Planning Advice

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
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I am 28 years indian muslim, 1 lac salary pm, how do i do future financial planning, problem is i don't want to invest in anything which is against my religion i.e not to deal with interest, pls help.

Ans: You earn Rs. 1 lakh per month. You are 28 years old. You want to plan your financial future. You want investments aligned with your religious beliefs. This is a great step towards a secure future.

Creating a Financial Plan Without Interest
Savings and Budgeting:

Save a portion of your salary every month.
Track your expenses to ensure you save consistently.
Emergency Fund:

Save at least 6 months' worth of expenses.
Keep this in a savings account or liquid fund.
Shariah-Compliant Investments:

Look for Shariah-compliant mutual funds. These funds avoid companies dealing with alcohol, gambling, and interest-based businesses.
Consider investing in gold. Gold is a permissible investment in Islam.
Real Estate Investment:

Invest in property that you can rent out. This provides a steady income.
Ensure the property is in a good location for future appreciation.
Business Investment:

Invest in a business. This can be your own or a partnership.
Ensure the business adheres to Islamic principles.
Avoiding Interest-Based Instruments:

Avoid traditional fixed deposits or bonds.
Avoid investments that earn interest or are involved in interest-based activities.
Insurance and Protection
Takaful:

Consider Takaful for insurance. This is an Islamic insurance where members contribute to a pool.
It is a cooperative system that follows Islamic principles.
Health Insurance:

Ensure you have health insurance. This protects against unexpected medical expenses.
Retirement Planning
Shariah-Compliant Retirement Funds:

Look for retirement funds that are Shariah-compliant.
These funds will avoid interest-based investments.
Tax Planning
Tax-Efficient Investments:

Invest in instruments that offer tax benefits.
Ensure these are Shariah-compliant.
Regular Reviews and Adjustments
Monitor Your Investments:

Regularly review your investments.
Adjust them based on performance and changing financial goals.
Stay Informed:

Keep yourself updated on Shariah-compliant investment options.
Attend seminars or consult with experts in Islamic finance.
Final Insights
You have many options for Shariah-compliant investments.
Prioritize savings, an emergency fund, and insurance.
Choose investments that align with your religious beliefs.
Regularly review and adjust your financial plan.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Money
Sir, my age is 31 years, my salary is 40k per month, am married, wife is a house wife, I have 19 months son. Can you suggest me a financial planning for future to my family and myself please ????
Ans: Understanding Your Current Situation
You're 31 years old, earning Rs 40,000 per month. You have a wife and a 19-month-old son. Your wife is a homemaker.

Setting Financial Goals
Setting clear financial goals helps guide your planning. Here are some common goals you might consider:

Emergency Fund
Aim to save 6-12 months of expenses for emergencies. This provides a safety net for unexpected events.

Child's Education
Start saving early for your son's education. Education costs are rising, so planning ahead is crucial.

Retirement
Plan for your retirement to ensure a comfortable life post-retirement. Start saving early to benefit from compounding.

Building an Emergency Fund
Having an emergency fund is essential. It helps cover unexpected expenses without disrupting your financial plan.

How Much to Save
Calculate your monthly expenses. Aim to save 6-12 months' worth of expenses. This includes rent, groceries, utilities, etc.

Where to Park Emergency Fund
Use a combination of a savings account and liquid funds. Savings accounts offer easy access, while liquid funds provide better returns.

Budgeting and Managing Expenses
Creating a budget helps you track expenses and save more efficiently. Here’s how to do it:

Track Your Expenses
List all your monthly expenses. This includes rent, groceries, utilities, and other recurring costs.

Cut Unnecessary Expenses
Identify areas where you can cut back. Redirect these savings towards your financial goals.

Automate Savings
Set up automatic transfers to your savings and investment accounts. This ensures consistent savings without relying on willpower.

Investing for Your Child's Education
Education costs are rising, so it’s wise to start saving early. Here’s how to approach it:

Start an SIP
Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) in a mutual fund. This helps you save regularly and benefit from compounding.

Choose the Right Fund
Select a fund based on your risk appetite and investment horizon. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice.

Planning for Retirement
It's never too early to start planning for retirement. Here’s how you can ensure a comfortable retirement:

Assess Your Retirement Needs
Estimate your retirement expenses. Consider factors like inflation, healthcare costs, and lifestyle changes.

Start an SIP
Start a SIP in an equity mutual fund. Equities have the potential for higher returns, which can help grow your retirement corpus.

Review Regularly
Review your retirement plan regularly. Adjust your investments based on your goals and market conditions.

Life Insurance and Health Insurance
Insurance is crucial for protecting your family’s financial future. Here’s what you need:

Life Insurance
Get a term insurance plan. This provides financial security to your family in case of your untimely demise.

Health Insurance
Ensure you have adequate health insurance. This covers medical expenses and prevents financial strain during health emergencies.

Building a Diversified Investment Portfolio
Diversification helps manage risk and optimize returns. Here’s how to build a diversified portfolio:

Equity Mutual Funds
Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term growth. They offer higher returns but come with higher risk.

Debt Mutual Funds
Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and regular income. They are less risky compared to equity funds.

Balanced Funds
Balanced funds invest in both equity and debt. They offer a balance between risk and return.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes
It’s important to avoid common mistakes to ensure your financial plan stays on track. Here are some tips:

Avoid Over-Diversification
While diversification is good, over-diversification can dilute returns. Choose a few good funds and stick with them.

Avoid Timing the Market
Timing the market is risky and often leads to losses. Invest regularly and stay invested for the long term.

Review and Rebalance
Regularly review your portfolio. Rebalance if necessary to align with your financial goals and risk appetite.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer several advantages over passive funds like index funds. Here’s why you should consider them:

Professional Management
Actively managed funds are managed by professionals. They make investment decisions based on market conditions.

Potential for Higher Returns
These funds aim to outperform the market. They have the potential to provide higher returns compared to index funds.

Flexibility
Actively managed funds can adapt to market changes quickly. This flexibility helps in capturing growth opportunities.

Regular vs Direct Funds
Investing through a regular plan with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers benefits over direct plans. Here’s why:

Personalized Advice
CFPs provide personalized advice based on your financial goals. They help you make informed investment decisions.

Ongoing Support
CFPs offer ongoing support and guidance. They help you stay on track with your financial plan.

Better Returns
Regular plans may have slightly higher costs, but the professional advice can lead to better returns in the long run.

Tax Planning and Benefits
Tax planning is an essential part of financial planning. Here’s how you can optimize your taxes:

Tax-Saving Investments
Invest in tax-saving instruments like ELSS funds. These investments help you save taxes and grow your wealth.

Plan for Tax Efficiency
Choose investments that offer tax efficiency. This maximizes your returns and minimizes your tax liability.

Consult a CFP
A CFP can help you with tax planning. They provide personalized advice based on your financial situation.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Financial Plan
Regular review and adjustment of your financial plan are crucial. Here’s how to do it:

Annual Review
Review your financial plan annually. Adjust for any changes in your financial situation or goals.

Rebalancing
Rebalance your portfolio if necessary. This ensures your investments align with your financial goals and risk appetite.

Stay Informed
Stay informed about market trends and changes in financial regulations. This helps you make informed decisions.

Final Insights
Financial planning is a continuous process. It requires regular review and adjustment to stay on track. Start by setting clear financial goals and building an emergency fund. Create a budget, track expenses, and invest in mutual funds for long-term growth.

Insurance is crucial for protecting your family’s financial future. Diversify your investments and avoid common mistakes. Consider actively managed funds for higher returns and consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice.

Remember, the key is to stay disciplined and consistent in your savings and investment efforts. This ensures you have a robust financial plan for a secure future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 26, 2024

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Hi Ramalingam Sir, Hope you doing great and healthy. Sir, I am 34 year old and having 2 daughter 7 year old and 6 months old. My house hold (me and spouse) income is 1 lakh 30k in hand. My monthly expenses are around 35000 and school expenses are 20000 quarterly. I have monthly EMI of 50000 which will be ending on July-25. I have a land worth 31 lakh, and investing 5k monthly in PPF. I have term insurance of 1cr. I want to plan my financial in systematic way. I have surplus of 10k more monthly which I have to invest, please suggest any Mutual Fund in 60% equity and 40% debt. I have a future goal in 2026 of building my own home on land I purchased with construction loan. Also I want to build some corpus for both daughters education. Please help me how I can plan to meet a good financial life.
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You have a stable household income of Rs. 1,30,000 per month. Your monthly expenses are Rs. 35,000, with quarterly school expenses of Rs. 20,000. You have a significant EMI of Rs. 50,000, which will end in July 2025. You invest Rs. 5,000 in PPF monthly and have a term insurance of Rs. 1 crore. You own land worth Rs. 31 lakhs and have an additional Rs. 10,000 monthly for investment.

Financial Goals
Build a home on your land by 2026.
Create a corpus for your daughters' education.
Systematically invest the surplus Rs. 10,000.
Expense Management
Your expenses are well-managed, but optimizing them can provide more room for savings. Review your expenses periodically and adjust where possible. Consider small lifestyle changes that can help reduce costs without impacting your quality of life.

Investment Strategy
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You are already investing in PPF, which is a good long-term, tax-saving investment. Continue this as it provides a secure and tax-efficient growth for your funds.

Mutual Funds: Equity and Debt Allocation
For your surplus Rs. 10,000, investing in a balanced mutual fund with a 60% equity and 40% debt allocation is wise. This provides growth potential with moderate risk.

Equity Component (60%):

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds.
Focus on funds with a track record of consistent performance.
This portion will help in wealth creation over the long term.
Debt Component (40%):

Invest in debt mutual funds for stability and regular income.
These funds have lower risk and provide steady returns.
They will balance the volatility of the equity portion.
Home Construction Goal
You aim to build a home by 2026. Start planning for the construction loan early. Ensure you have a clear budget and timeline. Keep a portion of your savings in liquid assets for this purpose, so you can access funds quickly when needed.

Children's Education Fund
To build a corpus for your daughters' education, start a dedicated investment plan.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):
Allocate a portion of your surplus to equity mutual funds via SIPs.
SIPs provide the benefit of rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.
Consider child-specific mutual funds with a mix of equity and debt.
Insurance Coverage
Your term insurance of Rs. 1 crore is a good safety net. Review your insurance needs periodically to ensure it covers your growing responsibilities.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of your household expenses. This fund should be easily accessible and kept in a savings account or liquid fund.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Track Your Investments:

Regularly review your investment portfolio.
Ensure your investments align with your financial goals.
Financial Health Check:

Conduct an annual financial health check.
Adjust your investments based on market conditions and personal circumstances.
Tax Planning
Leverage tax-saving instruments like PPF, ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme), and National Pension System (NPS) to reduce your taxable income. Proper tax planning can enhance your savings and investments.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong. By strategically investing your surplus and planning for future goals, you can achieve financial security and growth. Regularly monitor and adjust your plan to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir, I earn Rs 20000/- PM. 30 years, unmarried, with no burden, and owning a house. Only son. I have invested almost all the money I have earned in savings like PPF & SIP for the last seven years. Kindly advise me on future financial planning as I am getting married soon.
Ans: Your current financial situation is stable and disciplined. At 30 years old, you earn Rs. 20,000 per month, and you have been consistently saving and investing for the past seven years. Your focus on long-term savings instruments like PPF and SIPs shows good financial discipline. You also own a house, which provides you with a strong asset base.

As you approach marriage, it’s important to revisit your financial plan to accommodate future responsibilities and goals.

Future Financial Planning
1. Budgeting for Your New Phase of Life

Marriage brings additional financial responsibilities. You will need to manage household expenses, savings, and possibly future children's education.

Review Current Expenses: Understand your current spending patterns and identify areas where you can save more.

Plan for Household Expenses: Create a budget that includes shared expenses, such as groceries, utilities, and rent/mortgage (if applicable).

Set Aside Emergency Fund: Ensure you have an emergency fund that covers at least 6-12 months of expenses. This fund should be kept in a liquid, easily accessible account.

Discuss Finances with Your Partner: Have open discussions with your future spouse about financial goals, budgeting, and spending habits. This will help in setting common goals and avoiding financial stress.

2. Re-evaluating Your Investment Strategy

Your investment strategy should align with your new life stage and goals.

Diversify Your Investments: While you have invested in PPF and SIPs, consider diversifying into other asset classes, such as debt funds or gold ETFs, to balance risk and returns.

Review SIPs: Assess your existing SIPs to ensure they align with your long-term goals. Consider increasing your SIP contributions if possible.

Avoid Over-Concentration in One Asset Class: It's good to have a mix of investments. Too much concentration in one asset class can expose you to higher risks.

3. Insurance Planning

With marriage, your responsibilities increase, and so should your insurance coverage.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for both you and your spouse. This will protect you from unexpected medical expenses.

Life Insurance: Consider getting a term life insurance policy to secure your family’s financial future in case of any unforeseen events. The coverage should be at least 10-15 times your annual income.

Evaluate Existing Policies: If you already have insurance policies, review them to ensure they provide adequate coverage for your new responsibilities.

4. Planning for Future Goals

Your financial goals may include buying a car, planning for children’s education, or saving for retirement.

Set Short-Term and Long-Term Goals: Define your goals clearly and prioritize them. For example, if buying a car is a priority, allocate funds accordingly.

Children’s Education: Start planning early for children’s education by investing in child-specific mutual funds or education plans. This will help you build a corpus over time.

Retirement Planning: Even though retirement may seem far away, it’s important to start early. Continue contributing to your PPF and consider adding more retirement-focused investments like EPF or NPS.

5. Tax Planning

Maximize your tax savings by making use of available exemptions and deductions.

Section 80C Deductions: Continue investing in PPF, ELSS, and other tax-saving instruments under Section 80C. These investments not only save tax but also build wealth over time.

Health Insurance Deduction: Premiums paid for health insurance can be claimed under Section 80D.

Home Loan Interest: If you have taken a home loan, the interest paid can be claimed under Section 24(b) for tax deductions.

6. Estate Planning

Estate planning ensures that your assets are distributed according to your wishes.

Create a Will: Draft a will to ensure your assets are passed on to your loved ones as per your wishes. This will prevent any legal disputes in the future.

Nominate Beneficiaries: Ensure that all your investments, bank accounts, and insurance policies have nominated beneficiaries. This makes it easier for your family to access these assets.

7. Contingency Planning

Plan for unexpected events like job loss or medical emergencies.

Increase Emergency Fund: As your responsibilities grow, consider increasing your emergency fund to cover 12 months of expenses.

Invest in Liquid Assets: Keep some of your investments in liquid assets that can be quickly accessed during emergencies.

Final Insights
You are entering an exciting new phase of life, and your disciplined approach to savings and investment will serve you well. As you prepare for marriage, it’s important to reassess your financial strategy to ensure it aligns with your new responsibilities and goals.

Balancing between enjoying life and planning for the future is key. Continue your habit of regular savings and disciplined investing, and make sure to review and adjust your plan as your life evolves.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
Ans: Dear Ammarao,
Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

Please talk to him directly and ask him if these women are only friends and if they know he is in a committed relationship. If he is being too defensive, you can tell him that in a relationship, it is also important to focus on what your partner is comfortable with. If you do not like these online friendships, communicate it to him.

I hope this helps.

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Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025Hindi
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Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

Hope this helps

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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