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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Apoorva Question by Apoorva on May 06, 2024Hindi
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Sir/Madam, I am 27 years, 6 months ago I started doing sip of 10k total, five mutual funds 2k each, 1. Quant small cap 2. Parag parikh flexi cap 3. Kotak equity opportunities 4. Parag parikh elss tax saver 5. HDFC dividend yield I know I started a bit late, but now I am full stable and disciplined to be consistent and increase the sip amount by time to time. Am I going right, are my chosen funds are good, or I should change, please help and guide, give corrective suggestions

Ans: It's fantastic to see your proactive approach to investing at such a young age. Let's delve into your portfolio and see how you're doing:

• Starting a SIP at 27 is a commendable step towards building wealth for your future. Remember, it's never too late to begin investing, and your consistency will be key to your success.

• Your choice of mutual funds reflects a diversified approach, covering different sectors and market capitalizations. This is a smart strategy as it spreads your risk across various segments of the market.

• Investing in small-cap, flexi-cap, equity opportunities, ELSS tax saver, and dividend yield funds provides you with exposure to different investment styles and strategies. However, it's essential to review these funds periodically to ensure they continue to align with your financial goals.

• Consider assessing the performance of each fund against its benchmark and peers to gauge whether they are meeting your expectations. Look for consistency in returns and fund management expertise.

• As you progress in your investment journey and your financial situation evolves, you may consider increasing your SIP amount gradually. This will accelerate the growth of your portfolio over time.

• Additionally, stay updated with market trends and changes in economic conditions to make informed decisions about your investments. Keeping yourself informed will help you navigate any market volatility effectively.

• If you're unsure about whether your chosen funds are the right fit for you, don't hesitate to seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner. They can provide personalized recommendations based on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon.

In conclusion, you're off to a great start with your SIP investments. Stay disciplined, continue to educate yourself about investing, and periodically review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your objectives. With patience and perseverance, you're on track to build a strong financial foundation for the future. Keep up the excellent work!
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi Team, I am 35 and have below SIPs. Please review them and let me know if i have to make any changes. Parag Pareikg flexi cap fund - 10000 Motilal Oswal S&P 500 index fund - 2500 Quant Small Cap Fund- 5000 PGIM India Mid Cap Opportunities Fund- 5000 SBI Banking & Financial Services Fund- 2500. Focus is to continue SIP for longterm
Ans: It's great to see your commitment to investing for the long term. Let's review your current SIP portfolio and discuss if any adjustments are needed to align with your goals.

Evaluating Your SIPs
Your portfolio consists of a mix of equity funds focusing on different market segments. Here's a brief overview of each fund:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund (Rs. 10,000): Known for its flexible investment approach across market caps and sectors, providing diversification and potential for long-term growth.

Motilal Oswal S&P 500 Index Fund (Rs. 2,500): Provides exposure to the top 500 companies in the US stock market, offering diversification and growth potential in the world's largest economy.

Quant Small Cap Fund (Rs. 5,000): Invests in small-cap companies with high growth potential, suitable for investors with a higher risk tolerance and longer investment horizon.

PGIM India Mid Cap Opportunities Fund (Rs. 5,000): Focuses on mid-cap companies with strong growth prospects, offering potential for capital appreciation over the long term.

SBI Banking & Financial Services Fund (Rs. 2,500): Invests in companies operating in the banking and financial services sector, benefiting from the growth potential of the Indian financial industry.

Recommendations for Optimization
Your portfolio is well-diversified across different market segments, which is essential for long-term growth. However, here are a few suggestions to consider for further optimization:

Monitor Performance: Regularly review the performance of each fund and assess whether they continue to meet your investment objectives. Consider replacing underperforming funds or reallocating assets based on changing market conditions and your financial goals.

Assess Risk Tolerance: Ensure that your portfolio's risk level aligns with your risk tolerance and investment horizon. While small-cap and mid-cap funds offer higher growth potential, they also come with increased volatility. Make sure you're comfortable with the level of risk in your portfolio.

Consider International Diversification: While the Motilal Oswal S&P 500 Index Fund provides exposure to the US stock market, you may consider adding more international diversification to your portfolio. Explore options such as global equity funds or international index funds to broaden your investment horizon.

Review Sectoral Exposure: Given your investment in the SBI Banking & Financial Services Fund, be mindful of overexposure to a single sector. Monitor the fund's performance and consider diversifying across sectors to reduce concentration risk.

Conclusion
Overall, your SIP portfolio is well-structured and positioned for long-term growth. By regularly reviewing and optimizing your investments, you can maximize returns and achieve your financial goals with confidence.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi sir. I am 38 years old have started SIP from 2024 jan. Following are the fund i am doing SIP. 1. Kotak ELSS 2. Quant ELSS 3.parag parikh flexi cap- regular 4.Nippon infrastructure growth-regular 5. SBI contra- regular 6.franklin india focussed equity fund-regular 7.Bajaj finserv multiasset alocation-regular 8.ICICI prudential silver ETF fund 9.ICICI prudential bharat 22 fof 10. HDFC small cap fund- regular My total monthly SIP amount 23000 INR. Kindy let me know if i have good portfolio diversification. Do i need to stop SIP in any kf above fund and start some other good fund. My motto is to get maximum return for next 10-15 years.
Ans: Assessing Your Investment Portfolio
Your investment portfolio is diversified, and that is commendable. However, let’s delve into the specifics of your funds to see if there’s room for optimization. Portfolio diversification is essential, but too many funds can lead to over-diversification, which might dilute returns.

Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS)
You have two ELSS funds. ELSS is excellent for tax-saving under Section 80C. They also offer the potential for high returns due to their equity exposure. However, investing in multiple ELSS funds can be redundant. Consider consolidating your ELSS investments into one well-performing fund to streamline your portfolio.

Flexi Cap Funds
Flexi cap funds are versatile as they invest across market capitalizations based on the fund manager's outlook. Your flexi cap fund choice is prudent as it offers flexibility and diversification within itself. This type of fund can balance risk and reward effectively, adapting to market conditions.

Sectoral and Thematic Funds
You are investing in an infrastructure growth fund. Sectoral funds can provide high returns but come with higher risk due to their concentrated exposure. Infrastructure is a promising sector but is also susceptible to economic cycles and regulatory changes. It’s wise to limit exposure to such sector-specific funds to avoid significant volatility in your portfolio.

Contra Funds
Contra funds invest in undervalued stocks and follow a contrarian approach. These funds can provide significant returns during market corrections when undervalued stocks rebound. However, they require patience and a long-term horizon, which aligns well with your 10-15 year investment goal.

Focused Equity Funds
Focused equity funds concentrate on a limited number of stocks. This strategy can yield higher returns if the selected stocks perform well but also increases risk due to lower diversification. Ensure that the focused equity fund aligns with your risk tolerance and long-term goals.

Multi-Asset Allocation Funds
Multi-asset allocation funds invest across asset classes like equity, debt, and gold, providing diversification and risk management. This fund type is suitable for balanced growth and risk mitigation. Including such a fund in your portfolio adds stability and reduces dependency on market performance.

Precious Metals Fund
Your investment in a silver ETF fund adds an element of commodity diversification. Precious metals like silver can hedge against inflation and currency fluctuations. However, precious metal funds can be volatile and might not perform consistently over time. Limit exposure to such funds to avoid excessive risk.

Fund of Funds (FoF)
The Bharat 22 FoF invests in a basket of stocks from the Bharat 22 index, providing diversification within a single fund. FoFs can offer easy access to diversified portfolios but come with higher expense ratios due to the layered fee structure. Ensure the FoF aligns with your overall investment strategy and cost considerations.

Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds invest in smaller companies with high growth potential. These funds can offer substantial returns but also come with higher risk due to market volatility. Given your long-term horizon, small cap funds can be a valuable addition for capital growth, but monitor their performance and risk exposure closely.

Regular vs. Direct Funds
You have chosen regular plans through a mutual fund distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential. Regular funds have slightly higher expense ratios due to distributor commissions. However, the guidance and advice from a certified professional can be invaluable in navigating market complexities and making informed decisions. Direct funds, while cheaper, require a deep understanding of market dynamics and continuous monitoring, which might not be feasible for all investors.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds, which you haven't opted for, have the disadvantage of passively following a market index. They cannot outperform the market as they merely replicate index performance. In contrast, actively managed funds, like the ones in your portfolio, have the potential to outperform through strategic stock selection and market timing by experienced fund managers. Active management can add significant value, especially in volatile or bearish markets.

Portfolio Optimization Suggestions
Consolidate ELSS Investments: Streamline your ELSS investments into one well-performing fund to avoid redundancy and simplify tracking.

Review Sectoral Fund Exposure: Limit exposure to sectoral funds like the infrastructure growth fund to manage risk better. Sectoral funds should not form a large portion of your portfolio.

Focus on Core Holdings: Maintain a balanced mix of flexi cap, contra, and focused equity funds as core holdings for stable and diversified growth.

Limit Precious Metals and Sectoral Exposure: Keep your investments in precious metals and sectoral funds minimal to avoid excessive risk from market volatility.

Evaluate Expense Ratios: Regularly review the expense ratios of your funds, especially the FoFs, to ensure they are cost-effective relative to their performance.

Understanding Market Cycles and Patience
Investing for 10-15 years requires understanding market cycles and having patience. Markets will have ups and downs, and staying invested during downturns is crucial for long-term growth. Avoid the temptation to make frequent changes based on short-term market movements. Instead, focus on your long-term goals and stay committed to your investment strategy.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Regularly reviewing your portfolio and rebalancing it as needed is vital. As market conditions change, the allocation of your investments may drift from your original plan. Rebalancing ensures that your portfolio remains aligned with your risk tolerance and investment objectives. It also helps lock in gains and manage risks effectively.

Importance of Diversification
Diversification reduces risk by spreading investments across various asset classes and sectors. While you have diversified your investments, ensure that no single fund or sector dominates your portfolio. Proper diversification can enhance returns while mitigating risks, helping you achieve a balanced and resilient portfolio.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner
Working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides access to professional advice tailored to your financial goals. A CFP can help you make informed decisions, optimize your portfolio, and navigate complex market conditions. Their expertise ensures that your investments are aligned with your risk tolerance and long-term objectives.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio demonstrates a commendable approach towards diversification and long-term growth. However, streamlining your investments and focusing on core holdings can enhance returns and manage risks more effectively. Regular reviews and rebalancing, along with professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner, will ensure that your investment journey remains on track towards achieving your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 19, 2024

Money
Dear Rama Sir, I am 42 years and have been doing SIP since last 3 years. My monthly SIPs are as : ICICI Prudential Bluechip Fund : 20 K, DSP Mid CAP: 5K, SBI Small CAP: 12 K, Parag Parikh Flexi: 10 K and HDFC Balanced Advantage: 10 K. Also, I have invested Lumpsum amount of Rs. 50 K in DSP mid CAP, Rs. 15 K in ICICI Ultra Short and Rs. 4 Lacs in SBI Contra. Pl review and suggest improvements if required. I recently got bonus and can invest more in Lumpsum in your suggested funds. Request your guidance Sir.
Ans: Your systematic investment plan (SIP) portfolio shows a structured approach. It reflects a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced funds. The lump sum investments add diversification. This balanced allocation demonstrates prudence and clarity.

Let us review each aspect of your portfolio and provide tailored suggestions.

Strengths in Your Current Portfolio
Diversified Allocation: Your investments span large, mid, small caps, and flexi-cap categories. This reduces risk.

Consistent SIPs: Monthly SIPs total Rs. 57,000, reflecting commitment. SIPs instill discipline and capture market volatility over time.

Growth Potential: Mid-cap and small-cap funds provide good growth opportunities over the long term.

Lump Sum in Contra Fund: Rs. 4 lakh in a contra strategy adds a contrarian element. This could yield good returns in specific market conditions.

Areas for Improvement
Overlapping Funds: Multiple funds may invest in similar sectors or stocks. This could lead to duplication.

Balanced Allocation Concerns: High allocation to equity-oriented funds increases risk. A more balanced approach can help achieve stability.

Debt Investment Allocation: ICICI Ultra Short-Term Fund at Rs. 15,000 seems under-allocated. Adding more to debt can stabilize your portfolio.

Limited Sectoral Diversification: Current funds focus mainly on broader indices. Exposure to sectoral or thematic funds could enhance growth.

Suggestions for Portfolio Improvement
1. Optimise Equity Allocation
Retain a mix of large, mid, and small-cap funds, but assess overlap.
Avoid holding too many funds with a similar investment strategy. This leads to diluted returns.
Focus on funds with consistent performance and proven track records.
2. Strengthen Debt Investment
Increase allocation to debt funds for stability. Balanced funds are helpful, but dedicated debt funds are crucial for portfolio cushioning.
Consider short-term and corporate bond funds for steady returns.
3. Increase Lump Sum Allocation Wisely
Allocate the bonus amount across diversified funds to align with your goals.
Divide lump sum investments into tranches to leverage market corrections.
4. Assess Contra Fund Exposure
While contra funds offer unique opportunities, Rs. 4 lakh is a significant portion.
Limit exposure to avoid overdependence on contrarian strategies, which work best in certain cycles.
5. Tax Efficiency
Equity fund gains over Rs. 1.25 lakh annually are taxed at 12.5%.
Debt fund gains are taxed per your slab. Factor this into future investments.
Plan withdrawals smartly to reduce tax liabilities.
6. Emergency Fund
Ensure sufficient liquidity for emergencies. Allocate 6-12 months of expenses to liquid or ultra-short-term funds.
7. Avoid Overinvesting in a Single Strategy
Balanced advantage funds are versatile, but reliance on one strategy may restrict returns.
Maintain exposure while investing in other complementary funds.
Suggested Allocation for Your Bonus
Equity Investments

Direct part of your bonus to funds with high potential but less overlap.
Diversify by including funds with sectoral or thematic exposure.
Debt Investments

Allocate a portion to debt funds for stability.
Ultra-short-term funds can help with short-term goals.
Hybrid Funds

Use hybrid funds for a mix of equity and debt without aggressive risk.
Gold Investments

If not already, consider Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB) for diversification.
Broader Financial Planning Recommendations
Goal-Oriented Investments
Map each investment to a specific goal like retirement, children’s education, or home purchase.
This ensures focus and clarity.
Insurance Coverage Check
Evaluate existing life and health insurance policies. Ensure they are sufficient to cover your family’s needs.
If you hold ULIPs, evaluate their returns. Surrendering may allow reinvestment into mutual funds.
Estate Planning
Ensure your investments are nominated and estate documents updated.
A will can simplify asset distribution and avoid future disputes.
Monitor Regularly
Review your portfolio semi-annually to track performance and make adjustments.
This keeps your investments aligned with changing goals and market conditions.
Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Expert Guidance: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner offers advice on fund selection.
Streamlined Process: Regular funds ensure consistent monitoring and better decision-making.
Human Oversight: Direct funds demand deeper financial knowledge. Advisors simplify choices.
Final Insights
Your portfolio reflects strong discipline and a solid foundation. Optimizing fund selection, balancing equity-debt, and aligning investments with goals can enhance returns.

Allocate your bonus systematically for maximum benefit. Avoid impulsive investments and maintain long-term discipline. This approach will keep you on track for financial independence.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Hi Team, I am 30 and have below SIPs. Please review them and let me know if i have to make any changes. Hdfc large & Mid cap fund - 5000 Motilal Oswal Mid cap fund - 5000 Kotak infrastructure and eco fund - 2000 PGIM India Mid Cap Opportunities Fund- 5000 SBI Contra -1500 Motila Oswal business cycle fund-3000 Focus is to continue SIP for longterm
Ans: Your portfolio reflects a proactive approach to wealth creation. Each fund serves a distinct purpose. Let's assess and optimise your investments for long-term growth.

Strengths of Your Current Portfolio
Diverse Investment Strategy: Your funds cover multiple segments like large-cap, mid-cap, and thematic investments.

Long-Term Focus: A consistent SIP approach aligns with compounding benefits and market cycles.

Mid-Cap Exposure: Allocating significant SIPs to mid-cap funds positions your portfolio for growth.

Inclusion of Thematic Funds: Thematic funds add sectoral focus, offering opportunities in specific growth areas.

Areas for Improvement
Concentration in Mid-Cap Funds: A high allocation to mid-cap funds can increase volatility. Diversification is key.

Overlapping Thematic Focus: Funds with sectoral or cyclical focus may overlap in strategy.

Balance Between Growth and Stability: Adding more stability-focused funds can protect the portfolio in downturns.

Fund-Specific Observations
Large and Mid-Cap Fund
This fund balances growth and stability.

Retain this allocation for consistent returns and risk management.

Mid-Cap Funds
Significant allocation to mid-cap funds is growth-oriented.

Review performance and overlap to avoid redundancy.

Consider reallocating some amount to flexi-cap funds for diversification.

Thematic Infrastructure Fund
Sector-focused funds can be volatile and dependent on market cycles.

Limit thematic exposure to 10% of your overall portfolio.

Monitor this fund closely to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Contra and Business Cycle Funds
Both funds are contrarian and cyclical in nature.

Overlapping strategies may lead to concentration risk.

Retain one fund and reallocate the other to a balanced or flexi-cap fund.

Recommendations for Portfolio Optimisation
Enhance Diversification
Add a balanced allocation to large-cap or flexi-cap funds for stability.

Diversification reduces risk and enhances long-term returns.

Monitor and Evaluate Performance
Regularly review fund performance to ensure alignment with goals.

Replace underperforming funds without hesitation.

Adjust Thematic and Sectoral Exposure
Limit thematic funds to a smaller portion of your portfolio.

Sector-focused funds are cyclical and require active monitoring.

Tax-Efficiency
Long-term equity fund gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh attract 12.5% tax.

Short-term gains attract a 20% tax.

Consider tax efficiency while planning redemptions.

Importance of Regular Funds
Direct funds lack personalised guidance and portfolio tracking.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner ensures regular reviews and professional advice.

Regular funds offer value-added services and align with long-term goals.

Final Insights
Your portfolio is well-structured for long-term growth but needs refinement.

Reduce concentration in mid-cap and thematic funds for better risk management.

Increase exposure to diversified and balanced funds for stability.

Seek professional guidance to optimise performance and adapt to market trends.

Your disciplined SIP approach will reward you over time. Stay consistent and review periodically.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4047 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

Developing impactful essays and letters with clarity, structure, and content relevance enhances your chances of success in the SSC CGL descriptive paper. All The Best for Your Prosperous Future.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 05, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
How to manage stress?
Ans: The first step is to become aware of what triggers your stress. This self-awareness allows you to address the root causes rather than just the symptoms. Once you identify these triggers, you can start exploring techniques that help you cope effectively.

One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

Talking to someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or professional, can also be a powerful way to manage stress. Sharing your feelings and experiences helps lighten the emotional load and provides different perspectives that might help you navigate your challenges more effectively.

It's also important to focus on what you can control and let go of things that are beyond your influence. This shift in mindset can reduce feelings of helplessness and frustration. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others can also alleviate unnecessary pressure.

Remember to give yourself permission to rest and recharge. Adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and time for relaxation are essential for managing stress. When you take care of your body and mind, you're better equipped to handle life's demands.

Lastly, cultivating a mindset of gratitude and mindfulness can help you stay present and appreciate the positive aspects of your life, even during stressful times. These practices can create a sense of balance and help you respond to stress in healthier, more constructive ways. By integrating these approaches into your life, you can build resilience and find a sense of peace amidst the chaos.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

Ultimately, it’s about finding a balance that respects both of your needs and ensures that your marriage remains a priority. By working together and communicating openly, you can navigate this challenge and strengthen your relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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