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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 01, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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I'm 48 year old and a housewife. My husband is 52 and working in a restaurant with a salary of 24k p.m. I'm looking into investing with whatever remains out of this salary, approx. 5k (my daughter who is 22 year old is contributing a part of her income for household expenses). Please advise the best schemes/ MFs that we can invest into and also advise the procedure to MF as we have no knowledge about it. Also if my daughter can invest approx 5k-8k, what are the best plans for her to invest in SIP. Please advise. Thankyou.

Ans: It's wonderful to see your proactive approach towards investing and securing your family's financial future. Investing in mutual funds through SIPs can be a great way to start building wealth gradually over time.

For you and your husband, consider starting with SIPs in diversified equity funds or balanced funds that suit your risk appetite and investment goals. As beginners, it's crucial to choose schemes with a track record of consistent performance and managed by reputable fund houses.

For your daughter, she can also opt for SIPs in equity funds aligned with her risk tolerance and long-term financial objectives. Encouraging her to start investing early can help her harness the power of compounding and achieve her financial goals.

To start investing in mutual funds, you can approach a Certified Financial Planner or a mutual fund distributor who can guide you through the process, help you select suitable funds, and assist with the necessary paperwork.

Remember, investing is a journey, and it's essential to stay disciplined, patient, and well-informed along the way. With dedication and the right guidance, you can pave the way towards a financially secure future for your family.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 18, 2023Hindi
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Money
I have two daughters and their age is 16 and 15 and i own 50 lakhs bank FD , 9 lakhs invested in MF me and my wife have invest 60 lakhs in share market and my age 51 year old. Can you plz suggest the best option for investment . for my future education of two kids and my and my wife upcoming old age( My family ) i have 3 lakhs mediclaim and have few LIC policies. I request you to give me the best advice or suggest the best investment for my growth of money and as a monthly income ( Home expenses ) plz reply
Ans: Given your family's financial situation and goals, it's crucial to create a comprehensive investment plan that considers both growth and stability. Here's a suggested approach:

Education Fund for Daughters: Since your daughters are nearing college age, consider setting aside a portion of your investments specifically for their education expenses. You may allocate a portion of your bank FDs and MF investments towards this goal, ensuring it grows over time to meet their educational needs.
Retirement Planning: As you and your wife approach retirement, it's essential to prioritize building a sufficient corpus to support your lifestyle in old age. Consider diversifying your investment portfolio to include a mix of equity, debt, and balanced funds, along with retirement-focused instruments like the National Pension System (NPS) or Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS).
Health and Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your family's medical needs. Additionally, review your existing LIC policies to ensure they align with your current financial goals and provide adequate coverage for your family's future needs.
Monthly Income: To generate regular income for your household expenses during retirement, consider investing in dividend-paying stocks, mutual funds with dividend options, or fixed income instruments like Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) or Post Office Monthly Income Scheme (POMIS).
Regular Review and Adjustment: Regularly review your investment portfolio to track its performance, make necessary adjustments, and ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals and risk tolerance.
Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your family's specific financial situation and goals. Together, you can create a customized investment plan that addresses your needs for growth, income, and financial security.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 29, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir I am 36 years old and my wife age is 35 and My daughter is of 8 years I have just started doing Sip of 20000 each Month and i have lic and life cover investment of 2 lakhs each Year since past 4 year I can further add another 5 lakhs a year for Mutual fund or other investment Please suggest mutual fund or other investment idea and Is this investment can get me 3 cr by age of 55 Also share your email id ,to discuss further
Ans: Your commitment to securing your family's future is indeed admirable. At 36, you've already set a strong foundation with your ongoing SIP investments, insurance policies, and future investment plans. With your goal of achieving Rs 3 crore by age 55, let’s take a 360-degree approach to assess your current standing and structure your investments.

Current Investments and Insurance Coverage

You have started SIPs of Rs 20,000 per month, which is a sound choice. SIPs in well-selected, actively managed funds are effective for long-term growth.

Your LIC and life cover policy with an annual premium of Rs 2 lakh over the past four years likely include both investment and insurance components. These policies, however, may offer moderate returns and limited flexibility in adjusting to market dynamics.

Evaluating the Feasibility of Your Rs 3 Crore Goal

Given your investment horizon (approximately 19 years) and commitment to invest an additional Rs 5 lakh yearly, achieving your Rs 3 crore target is quite feasible.

A diversified, well-balanced portfolio can potentially yield the required growth. However, you’ll need a blend of equity mutual funds, debt instruments, and life insurance policies for sufficient cover.

Strategies to Maximise Your Investment Growth

1. Increase Equity Exposure through Actively Managed Funds

Since you have a long-term horizon, equity mutual funds offer better growth potential than traditional policies. Actively managed equity funds have the advantage of being adaptable to market changes, unlike index funds that mirror the broader market.

Equity mutual funds have historically outperformed traditional instruments, especially when selected under the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

Avoid index funds as they are passive investments and may lack the flexibility that actively managed funds provide. Index funds do not benefit from market opportunities as actively managed funds do, which could reduce potential gains.

2. Regular SIPs in Balanced and Diversified Equity Mutual Funds

To achieve your financial goal, allocate part of your Rs 5 lakh yearly investment in equity mutual funds, balancing it across large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap categories. These funds generally provide the growth required to build a substantial corpus over the years.

A diversified portfolio provides balanced risk, ensuring stability during market fluctuations.

Invest through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) certified in CFP to gain access to well-analyzed fund options and professional expertise. They can help you navigate changes and align your investments with your financial goals.

3. Increase SIP Amount with a Step-Up Approach

Start with your current SIP of Rs 20,000 monthly, but consider increasing the SIP amount every year, ideally by 10-15%. This strategy, known as a step-up SIP, can significantly boost your corpus.

As your income grows, reinvest any surplus towards SIPs, adding further momentum to reach your Rs 3 crore goal.

4. Opt for Debt Mutual Funds for Stability

For the Rs 5 lakh annual investment, dedicate a small percentage to debt funds. Debt mutual funds provide stability and a safety net, balancing the risks associated with equity funds.

Debt funds are also tax-efficient and are ideal for capital preservation, especially as you approach your goal.

5. Consider Redeeming LIC Policies if Needed

LIC policies offer life cover but may not deliver high returns. If suitable for your financial situation, evaluate surrendering these policies and reinvesting in higher-return avenues such as mutual funds.

Traditional life insurance policies often carry limited growth, so if this aligns with your goals, a shift to mutual funds could enhance your investment returns.

Taxation and Capital Gains Consideration

Be mindful of the taxation on mutual funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity funds above Rs 1.25 lakh attract a 12.5% tax, while short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

For debt funds, both LTCG and STCG will be taxed according to your income slab. Understanding these tax implications is crucial in managing net returns effectively.

Additional Recommendations for Financial Growth and Security

1. Maintain a Sufficient Emergency Fund

Build and maintain an emergency fund equivalent to at least six months’ expenses. This ensures financial stability during unforeseen events, reducing dependency on long-term investments for emergencies.
2. Health and Life Insurance

Ensure adequate health insurance coverage for you and your family. This will protect your investments from medical emergencies.

Maintain a term life insurance policy to provide financial security for your family in your absence. This is more cost-effective and keeps your investments separate from insurance.

3. Plan for Your Daughter’s Future

Your daughter, being 8, will likely require funds for education in the next 10-12 years. Consider a separate SIP in child education-focused mutual funds, which allow flexible withdrawals and are designed to meet education costs.
4. Retirement Planning for a Stable Future

Though you are focused on building a corpus for the next 19 years, start laying the groundwork for retirement. Your NPS contributions, coupled with a diversified mutual fund portfolio, will act as your retirement corpus, providing steady returns post-retirement.
Monitoring and Regular Review of Your Portfolio

Review your investments every 6 to 12 months with the guidance of a CFP. This helps ensure your portfolio aligns with market dynamics, risk tolerance, and financial goals.

Regular assessment allows for timely adjustments, helping your portfolio stay on track to achieve the Rs 3 crore target.

Finally

With disciplined investing, increased SIP contributions, and professional guidance, reaching your Rs 3 crore goal is achievable. Prioritise a balanced approach with equity and debt mutual funds, insurance, and an emergency fund to ensure steady growth and security for you and your family.

For further queries or personalised guidance, feel free to reach out.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

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Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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