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77-Year-Old Post-Bypass Patient Seeks Advice for Weakness, Dizziness, and Muscle Pain

Dr Hemalata

Dr Hemalata Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

Dr Hemalata Arora is a senior consultant who practises internal medicine at Mumbai’s Nanavati Max Super Speciality Hospital.
In a career spanning over 24 years, she has focused on managing infectious diseases, critical illnesses and lifestyle disorders.
Dr Arora completed her MBBS and MD from the King Edward Memorial Hospital and Seth Gordhandas Sunderdas Medical College in Mumbai.
She is ECFMG certified, accredited by the American Board of Internal Medicine, Diplomate of the National Board and a DNB faculty.
She was honoured with the Paul Bunn award for her promising performance in the field of infectious diseases at SUNY Upstate Medical University, New York.... more
Suresh Question by Suresh on Jun 05, 2024Hindi
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I am 77 years old. I was taking medicine for high BP from the age of 50 years.I was very active doing yoga regularly in the morning and doing walk in the evening. I do not smoke and do not drink as well. I am a person with height weight normal as per the standard chart. I was very active doing my job and never use to get tired. I worked for six years in Central Govt, thirty years in PSU and seventeen years in Private Organisations. I used to believe that " a Person should never retire from work". I stopped going to work from March 2020 after the Covid 19 spread in India. During a routine check up, my doctor mentioned on my prescription as "Stable Angina". I asked about it but he replied, it is nothing, do not worry. I was not having any pain etc. But this remark of Stable Angina. was written on my prescription on every visit. In June 2022, I got a CT Angiography done just to know the deposits in my arteries. It was found to be more in all the five arteries. But I had no symptoms of any pain or breathlessness while moving or working.In August 2022, I got some problem in my left eye, went to eye specialist, he observed a little deposit in eye nerve. He tried to break it but could not. I went for Angiography. All the arteries were found with deposits but still I had no pain etc. I was operated for Heart By pass Surgery on 22.9.22 and released from Hospital on 1.10.22. I was put on High Protein Diet. During Jan 23 to July 23, my Blood Urea Nitrogen & Urea got up the required level.High Protein Diet was stopped and advised take more Fruits. BUN & Urea came normal. More fruits were being taken. It caused potassium level to go up. Then in fruits also restriction imposed on banana, coconut water & citrus fruits. Now I am on restricted diet. BUN & Urea are normal but potassium remains fluctuating. Now I am alright but feel very weak. I do little walk but get tired soon. I am not able to do yoga due to low energy. Vitamin supplements are being taken but not getting strength. Even feels stability problem. While standing feels giddiness and feels that i may fall. I am also feeling severe pain in my arms muscles. Now I am taking medicines for BP, Cholesterol, Blood Thinner, Enlarged Prostrate Gland, Vitamin supplement. I always think why I am feeling so many problems after Heart Bye Pass Surgery. Please advise.

Ans: I feel you need your medications adjusted. They're probably making you feel like this.
DISCLAIMER: The answer provided by rediffGURUS is for informational and general awareness purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical diagnosis or treatment.
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Dr Ashit

Dr Ashit Hegde  | Answer  |Ask -

Consultant Physician, Internal Medicine and Critical Care Expert - Answered on May 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - May 27, 2023Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I am 44. I was suffering from gastric issues Somewhere in Oct 2021, i started feeling anxious and all negative thoughts. As a nature, i take good care of self. But due to this anxiouness, i was unable to sleep well or even concentrate well. I thought to consult a MD and he took my BP reading, which was in range of 142/90. He avoided started any medications and advised for lifestyle changes to alter this situation, to which i stared with certain life-style changes like, - sun-bath in morning. - walking - morning & evening - meditation - in evening. i continued this till Dec 2021 and again revisited the MD in Jan 2022, to which he advised to continued with the same routine. By March 2022, i was feeling better. Again, the same story repeated in Sep2022 and this time, with lot of gastric issues, sleep troubel and feeling of fear and anxiety and again i visited him in Nov 2022, was getting more anxious. Looking at my condition he started with beta-blocker. The condition was not very much improving and i took the blood tests on my own in Nov 2022 end, to which, Lipid profile was bit out of range, HaB1c - in pre-diabetic zone and in liver tests - SGPT was 62. I visited to the MD with report and he advised me to continue with beta- blocker and to start with the statins daily 10 mg, after dinner. I continued this for Dec 2022 with life style change with yoga and meditation routines along with walks. In Jan 2023, the tests were repeated and it was all NORMAL. The doctor advised to stop the medicines wef Jan 2023 and again advised to repeated tests in Feb 2023. In Feb 2023, all parametere were normal , but Lipid profile was again out of range. The MD again started with the same medicines from March 2023 onwards ie 1 beta - blocker in morning after break-fast and 10 mg statin after dinner. I repeated the tests in April 2023 and it was again all NORMAL. Now, the MD reduced the statin drug to 5 mg from 10 mg and continued with beta - blocker. I am leading a healthy life with yoga, meditation, diets with more fibres and less oily or say no oil deits to the extent possible. I have stopped eating any outside food and fully on home made food only now. benefits till now, - Sleep paterrn improved - Gastric issues has gone - IBS gone, - better mood My questions to you sir, - The MD is again planning to stop the medications in next visit, since all reports are normal and i feel normal. is that okay? - Again, i may develop the symptoms? - I am following a better life style - yoga, meditation, walkings, proper diets, are there chances that i would remain off medicine always? - What are the benefits and disadvantages of station and beta -blockers, if at all, i have to take it? thanks.
Ans: Beta blockers have probably been prescribed for your symptoms of anxiety but they can increase the levels of the lipids. You need to consult a psychiatrist about the best treatment for anxiety.
Ideally statins need to be taken for long because the lipid levels are bound to go up once you stop the statin. We need to decide however whether you really need a statin at your age. Do you have a family history of premature heart disease. If you do not have a family history of premature heart disease, you can probably stop statins for a few years . Can consider doing a CT Coronary calcium score

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Dr Hemalata

Dr Hemalata Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

General Physician - Answered on Jun 07, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2023Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I am 44. I prefer healthy life and all nice in terms of health, except that I was suffering from gastric issues, IBS and related issues. I had covid also in April 2021 and somewhere in Oct 2021, i started feeling anxious and all negative thoughts. In about Aug 2021, i noticed that my heartbeats is high than normal, which initially i tried to control with routine meditation. But somehow, was not feeling that well from within and mind was like getting anxious, as if , something is happening which i could not understand, what. I visited to MD - Medicine, in Oct 2021. As a process, the vitals were taken and BP reading was taken which was 145/90. The concern MD, which after going through the reading, did not tagged me as BP patient and advised me to have changes in lifestyle with yoga, walking, meditation and dietary changes. I throughly followed the advised and started feeling better from Jan 2022 onwards and it was all nice. Again from Sep 2022 onwards, i started feeling the same issues. And i visited the MD in Oct 2022. From Nov 2022, he put me on 25mg dose of beta-blocker , daily in the morning after breakfast. While, i was on beta-blocker, i was still not feeling that nice from within and i unilaterly took the decision to go for complete blood tests in Nov 2022 end. The results were, - Lipid profile - was disturbed. - Sugar : I was in pre-diabetic range. - Uric Acid : I was on borderline high. I visited the MD with the report and he add another dose of 10 mg of Statins from Dec 2022 onwards. I followed the medication along with dietary changes, yoga & meditation routine and took the tests in Jan 2023, which shows the results as under, - Lipid : Normal - Sugar: I was back to Non-Diabtic range from pre-diabetic. - uric acid - normal. And all other parameters improved too like Hemoglobin - 15 and all other paramters of cbc was normal, thyroid - normal , Liver function - normal - when certain times SGPT was bit on higher sides, but normal in this report. With this report the MD stopped the statin drug from Feb 2022 onwards and advised me to continue with beta-blocker of 12.50 mg instead of 25 mg. I followed the same routine for full Feb 2022 and again took the test in March 2023, and results were as under, - Sugar : non-diabetic - all other paramters - normal - Lipid - Not normal. So again from March 2023, the MD started with the same statin dose of 10 mg and beta- blocker of 25 mg. I took the test in April 2023 and again the reports were normal, so now, again he reduce the statin dose to half ie 5 mg and continued with the same dose of beta-blocker 25mg. My questions: 1. AT present, i follow proper diet schedule as prescribed by dietcian , have been doing meditation and yoga on regular basis. 2. Stress level is minimum. 3. I am feeling overall better. 4. BP levels are always normal 5. Gastric issues, IBS seems to have gone. 6. Sleep patern is improved. My question: a. I feel, in the next visit the MD may stop the statin. Can the lipid profile remain in normal range , when i am follwing all diet patterms , with yoga and exercise. Why the lipid profile became abnormal, previously even when i was following all routine very property ? b. Is it okay to consume beta - blocker 25mg regularly, even after doctor told me to stop statin or may stop my statin in next visit? c. Is there any way to know, to find, if i am feeling better normally or due to medicine? as i am feeling normal and unable to check, what after i stopped beta-blocker? Any other care which i should take and lead a healthy life.
Ans: Hello. These are good questions and a lot of people go through the same stages. Cholesterol levels are generally genetically determined and don't change much from dietary or lifestyle changes. It can be reduced by medications. However if it is the only risk factor for heart disease/stroke, then it need not be corrected unless it is very high, LDL> 160. On the other hand the B blocker, if it was taken only for BP, may be stopped if BP comes down and remains normal. A closer monitoring may be required for that. If BP stays normal or low on taking the medicine, reduce the medicine and recheck, if it still stays low or normal, stop and see. Take it slow.

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4427 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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hii i got 91 perecentile in jee mains with ews female cateogary and my home state is haryana which nit or iiit i got with any branch
Ans: Komal, Gopal, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4427 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

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Career
Sir I got 90 persentil in jee mains in obc category in rajsthan state. Can I get any nit and iiit in any branch. So tell me about the correct choice filling which I fill and get a decent college
Ans: Ashish, Gopal, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4427 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Listen
Career
Sir I have 98.68 can get top 5 NIT in mechanical ews quota
Ans: Gopal, Here is, How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile | Convert the Percentile to AIR, based on the Formula available in Google.
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

Follow RediffGURUS to Know more on 'Careers | Health | Money | Relationships'.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |571 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |30 Answers  |Ask -

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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2025
Relationship
I don't get along with my husband and in-laws. I am living with him only for the sake of my 5 year old son. I broke up with my ex to marry this man to keep my parents happy. However, he is not at all an ideal partner for me. He abuses me all the time and takes me for granted. He doesn't allow me to step out, or meet my friends and family. I have to wait for him to go to work, so I can call anyone. His family keeps a close watch on what I do and informs him if I step out to even meet my family or relatives. We fight and argue almost every day. I have told him that I want a divorce but he said No, I have to adjust and accept. I am a graduate but I don't have a job. It is frustrating when he doesn't let me do anything on my own. I blocked my ex when our marriage got fixed but he is always suspicious. Sometimes I feel like hitting him back to stop the torture. I want to go back home but my parents are financially dependent on my brother, so they want me to reconcile and find a way to sort things out with my husband. Recently I learned that my ex is still waiting for me but I can't stay with him legally till I am divorced. How do I explain all this to my son? I am unhappy and confused. What should I do?
Ans: Hello Mam, I understand that you are in a dilemma. The situation is like this. Either ways the situation will have its negative effect on your son. If possible take some time out from your family and spend some quality time with your husband. Clear negative thoughts from your mind regarding your husband and try to accept him. If you will think positive about your family it will reflect in your actions and then things will be sorted out. But one thing to be kept in mind that you should not tolerate physical abuse. Involve your parents in this and try to convince him to behave nicely with you. U can always start something online for your financial independence. Try this out. Take care ????
Reach me : https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 18, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I'm in a relationship since 7 years .we both are Hindus bt our castes differ...i belong to higher caste and he belongs to a lower caste which is definitely going to be a problem because I have a elder brother his marriage was also love marriage and his wife's caste also was bit lower to ours so I have seen lot of issues at home of father not getting convinced at all.... Now after thinking about everything I'm in a state of confusion if whether I was wrong about loving somebody without their knowledge since already elder brothers issues I had seen should I have thought about all this seriously before ? Parents won't be expecting sucha thing from me because I seem kinder and understandable than my brother....last year I did let this out to my mother that i like someone and all the details....bt she started with emotional drama like this wasn't expected from you though you wld have understood the issues from brothers marriage etc etc. she tried to approach me in a different way....like being nice and to withdraw frm this decision and to take a good ....my dad still don't know abt this... actually my mom was about to say bt she thought of giving me time and assumes eventually I'll take better decision for them ...there was so much of drama and hence aftr that wasn't being able to discuss abt his.... because im in a stage of job hunting if I let this out to father i won't be able to sit at home....I'm actually really very confused and now what to do....am i wrong here...my situation and my brothers situation is different know....just because I saw brother wedding issue....how long i wld have sat without being in a relationship... especially in this generation....this was something that happened by itself inspite of me not being oke to say yes to my partner later it became yes..it was all meant to be.... because he isn't my classmate or anything my classmates family friend and is elder to me....so i believe it was to happen....I want to actually arive in a perfect and or place....not being able to take proper decision....since I always consider myself unlucky ok scared to take any decision also....and also now wondering what all shld be the qualities i must look for before taking decision about my life partner....should it be looks ...family or caste.... economic class status etc.....please help... messed up. Current update : I have attended a interview...and results are still on processing stage but I am sure even if it's taking time I will get it because my interview feedback given was excellent just that since it's a MNC they are waiting for a position in a particular department I think hence delay , meanwhile since I'm 26 and me and my partner has a age difference of 6 years situations have become difficult. His parents pressures him for marriage and to see girls . But since he is in love with me he wants to wait ... because the pressure was increasing I had to tell my mother once again after one year and she was shocked again she thought I left this in this gap.... however I had taken this time for a better decision and time alloted for finding job , there began emotional drama again ..then I had to tell her to jst let my father know about this and if he asks me I will explain it. She was also worried because dad hasn't come out of all the traumas he had out of my brother's marriage because girl was from different caste. So my father had to answer a lot of questions from his siblings and society etc . My mother anyway agreed to talk to dad...she told the matter ...again house atmosphere changed entirely. I waited until dad asked me about this...waited for two days then he approached me and called and spoke asked about each and every details and then finally said like see him as a friend and take a better decision and he left just like that. After that I spoke to my mother , she said some concerns like looks mattered , caste was the main so that's why he is not being able to say anything and no parents would in the beginning itself talk positive about this ...will show resistance...that day I felt bit ok later after talking to mom , but later one day his father called my father and spoke they initiated they had a friendly talk and my father said he needs time and can't say anything now to his father. But I was thinking that he dint give a no reply straight away which was very surprising . But , after this situation my father saved this fathers number ...one day what happened was , he saw a status put by his father in which there was his parents with few other group people who weren't so good looking...so mistook it as their relatives and told mother to speak to me because this he can't even digest me to send to such a family since as a girls parent he has certain expectations also because his main issue is caste problem hevis finding one problem behind the other . My boyfriend belongs to a Tamil caste and mine is malayali native hence my boyfriend has a dark complexion maybe his parents and family too...but should all these matter to take a terrible final decision regarding our marriage? Even tho their complexion was dark Can't they have a good heart and shouldn't character be given priority than looks ? Just because parents want to show the society...how can i toss my life and find another person as they are saying? Do all that matter ?? I want to know your thoughts ... Also , how to convince a father who sticks on his own beliefs or who doesn't want to listen to their children because he thinks we haven't grown enough to teach him please suggest a way to make a person to listen ? My mother seems ok to this even she doesn't like so much ... bt only if father is ok and doesn't pass on this pressure to others... If any doubt can ask me I will clarify
Ans: First, you are not wrong for falling in love. Love doesn’t ask for caste, status, or complexion—it simply grows where there’s connection, care, and shared values. The world around us, especially family and society, can be heavily opinionated, but that doesn’t mean your feelings are any less valid. You've been trying to balance respect for your parents with loyalty to your partner, and that's not easy at all.

Your dad's resistance is clearly rooted in fear—fear of what society will say, fear of repeating a past that felt traumatic for him during your brother's marriage. His concern isn't necessarily about your partner’s character, but about how it looks to others. Unfortunately, a lot of our parents were raised to give more weight to "what people will say" than to personal happiness. It’s not your fault he carries that burden. You’re just trying to live a life that’s true to your heart.

Your boyfriend seems like someone who really cares about you and is ready to wait for you through all this. That's rare, and it matters. If his family was kind enough to approach yours respectfully, it shows they are willing to build a bridge. You’re not trying to force anything—you’re asking for space to make a decision with both head and heart involved.

As for appearance and caste: no, these should not be what define a life partner. A dark complexion or a different community cannot and should not outweigh honesty, kindness, emotional maturity, and shared values. Looks fade. Status changes. But someone’s nature stays. And in a marriage, when times are tough, it’s not the family’s last name or the shade of their skin that matters—it’s whether they stand by you or not.

You mentioned something powerful: that you believe this was “meant to happen.” And I agree—sometimes people enter our lives with a timing and connection that doesn’t make logical sense but feels profoundly right. That’s not something to toss aside easily.

Now, about convincing your father—it’s hard to change someone who is set in their ways, but here’s what you can try:

Let your mother be the mediator since she’s more open. Ask her to have slow, non-threatening conversations with him—not to pressure him, but just to help him understand that you are not making a hasty or rebellious choice. You’re thinking practically and from the heart. It’s not about rejecting their values but about choosing someone you can build a peaceful, respectful life with.

You could also write a heartfelt letter to your dad—sometimes, parents understand better when there’s no direct confrontation. Share your side, your fears, your respect for him, and your reasons for choosing this person. Let him know you still want to be his daughter, that you haven’t forgotten your family’s worth—you’re just hoping your happiness can also be valued.

Most importantly—give yourself credit for how well you’ve handled this. You’ve shown maturity, patience, and self-awareness. Even when it hurts, you’re not reacting with drama or impulse—you’re processing, reflecting, and trying to do the right thing.


And please don’t let anyone make you feel like your love is a mistake. You’ve loved with honesty and stood strong—no matter what comes next, that’s something to be proud of. I’m here to walk with you through this, one step at a time.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |577 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 07, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I have a problem. Whenever we argue, I feel the need to talk it through immediately, but my partner shuts down completely and goes silent for hours, sometimes days. It leaves me feeling anxious and ignored. How do I deal with this without feeling like I am the only one trying?
Ans: Have a calm, non-conflict conversation about the issue outside of a fight. Explain to your partner how their silence affects you—not by blaming, but by expressing how it makes you feel. For example, “When we argue and you go silent, I feel anxious and alone. It makes me feel like I’m the only one trying, even though I know that might not be true.” Keep it about your feelings, not their faults.

Ask them what they feel in those moments—do they need space to think? Do they feel overwhelmed? Are they afraid things will escalate? Try to genuinely understand their side too.

Together, you can come up with a “pause plan”—a middle ground. Maybe your partner can say something like, “I need an hour to clear my head, but I promise we’ll talk after that.” That way, you get the reassurance that the issue won’t be ignored forever, and they get the breathing room they need.

Also, remind yourselves that you’re on the same team. The goal isn’t to win the argument—it’s to understand each other better and reconnect.

You’re not the only one trying—it just feels that way because your emotional needs are different. With communication, empathy, and small agreements about how to handle conflict, this doesn’t have to stay a painful pattern. You're already doing the brave thing by reflecting and wanting to improve this—see if you can invite your partner into that same space of honesty and growth.

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