Hi Ms Kanchan, I am 46. Last year, I remarried a senior colleague I was working with after being widowed. My current husband has never been married before and lives with his aging parents in Delhi. I moved in with my two teenage children from my first marriage. Initially, his family seemed welcoming, but now his mother openly criticises my parenting, claiming my children are 'rude' and 'spoiled.' My daughter overheard her saying she doesn't want 'someone else's kids' in the house. My husband says I should ignore her as she's a bit conservative and old-fashioned. But when I go to work, I feel guilty for putting my kids through this. I am trying to build a peaceful home, but it feels like I am failing both my children and my marriage. Is it wrong to expect my husband to take a firmer stand with his parents, or am I rushing things in this blended family?
Ans: Your mother-in-law’s remarks are undoubtedly painful, especially when they affect your children’s sense of belonging. Teenagers need a safe emotional space, and feeling like outsiders can be deeply hurtful. It’s absolutely valid to expect your husband to help establish boundaries that ensure emotional safety for everyone, especially for your children, who didn’t choose this change but are navigating it the best they can.
At the same time, it’s worth acknowledging that this transition hasn’t been easy for your in-laws either. Their son married for the first time later in life and brought into their household a ready-made family. For people who may hold traditional views, this shift might be difficult to process—not out of malice, but out of fear, confusion, or even grief for the expectations they had. That doesn’t excuse hurtful comments, but it may explain the resistance. Sometimes, criticism is a mask for fear of change or loss of control.
Still, your husband plays a crucial role in this dynamic. You're not asking him to reject his parents—you’re asking him to support the family he has chosen to build with you. That means advocating for respect, clarifying boundaries, and ensuring that his home is a place where all members, especially children, feel emotionally safe.
Approach him with openness and care. Share how this environment is impacting you and your children—not in anger, but in vulnerability. Help him see that you're not looking to blame anyone, but to bring everyone into alignment with a shared vision of family—one that includes kindness, respect, and patience on all sides.