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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |169 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Feb 23, 2023

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Nagendra Question by Nagendra on Feb 22, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

My name is Rajesh, I am 50 year old 4years back I got to know that my wife is in relationship with someone and after inqiuring in detail I found that, that was her second relationship. Earlier relationship was broken 1 year before. and she told me all herself when I ask on condition that if she didnt tell me I may take dicision of breaking. so sho told me everything without hiding. she is telling me that she still loves me. Arter that she stoped all contacts but after a year she strated developing contacts with facebook messenger and developed one more relationship with one FB friend. again when I got to know she stoped contacting him. this time ther was no physical relationship, but she admitted that he once kissed her. the boy tried to contact her in all ways but she somehow stopped this matter. I love my wife very much. I forgive her every time. three year passed now all this year she was not going outside alone without me. but in these days I also insisted her to go out, and she started going to yoga class where she used to go early and she is very happy now days. I dont know whether I am doing correct or not, some time I still have dought in my mind whether she will start again doing affairs. I am some times afread, dont know what to do. whether I should still continue trusting and loving my wife or what. we have one son age 16 now. I am confuesd sometimes but till date happiness is maintained in the family. But I am feeling lonely somtimes. what to do?

Ans: Dear Rajesh,

I can understand it is an impossible situation for you but this too shall pass. First things first, are you happy in a relationship that involves cheating, not once, but twice and who's to say there won't be a third? Ask yourself that. If the answer is no, it is quite understandable, but if it's yes, then why? Why would anyone be happy with a partner who cheats over and over again? Why do you think you deserve such a life? Granted, relationships are not all rainbows and butterflies all the time, but they should not look this grim either. You alone have kept it going for this long, and maintained harmony by accepting your partner's infidelity time and again; ask yourself what would happen if you allowed yourself to stop. You can stop tolerating it, you know?

The question isn't how you should deal with your partner who is evidently a repeat cheater. The question is how you should deal with the situation and why are you reacting in a way that almost makes me think that you believe you deserve such a relationship. As for your kid, divorce or separation has much less effect on a child than a broken marriage with two unhappy parents.

If you still want to continue, that is also okay. To each their own, but don't forget to ask yourself what are you staying in this marriage for; your kid, societal pressure, or is it unconditional love for your wife, who, by the way, does not reciprocate the same for you.

Best Wishes!

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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 07, 2022

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Dear LG, Please don't disclose my name. I don't want to share my personal problems with others. I am 45 years old, married 13 years ago; my wife's age is now 38 years. I got two kids. My wife is pretty (she takes lot of care for her beauty) and I want to live simple. I kept faith on my wife so I didn't interfere in her life. From last four years, I am staying away from family (because of work I have shifted to other city, monthly once I go back , purchase everything, give money for expense and return to job). She keeps her mobile with security. Once, by mistake, I read her WhatsApp message. One of her office client was praising her pics and she was responding to him. So I told her, be official, don't entertain, if they fall behind you and we may face problem. She agreed but is doing the same thing and deleting his messages. Then I wanted to see what all things she does in WhatsApp. So her link I shared in my mobile and started reading her messages. She use to chat with one married person from last three years, she changed his name in her mobile and kept his wife's name. Three years back he proposed her with love song. My wife used to support him, sometimes she used to delete the messages. He knows all my family history. Whenever they get time, they used to talk each other in phone. Some messages I read, they were planning to meet also. She always come home very late, I didn't question her because I kept faith, but as I told you I have two kids in home. If she comes late, they are facing a problem (they stay alone until she comes back). Simultaneously she is chatting with another married friend. She says he is like a brother in front of me, but that person says baby, darling, dear, love, etc, in his conversation and forwarded some love songs and calling her for long drive. My wife replied some other day we will go. He replies, You always says same thing. I will become old one day. Then I was surprised and guided my wife indirectly. I told, don't entertain any person they may start to trouble you or if anybody troubling you please tell I will help you. We got two kids so we got lot of responsibility. She got a clue that I am reading her messages, so immediately she deleted all messages and after some days she deleted their numbers, along with that she deleted some other numbers also!  Why, I don't know. Once I told my son, beware, I can track you and tell where are you going and what are you doing. But from that day onwards, my wife is blocking her internet at 6 pm (when her office closes) and unblocking when she returns home. I am worried regarding this behaviour. I have stopped reading her messages now. But now I am feeling very uncomfortable because her behaviour is very soft with me, (previously she was very aggressive, she used to fight with me unnecessarily.) Please guide me how to handle the situation. What can I do now? Sometimes I feel I should leave everything go somewhere or is it a punishment for marrying a pretty girl? What to do? Please guide how handle the situation. Regards.
Ans:

So, in a nutshell, you think your wife was flirting behind your back, you dropped some hints and then she has either stopped, or then stopped you from spying on her phone.

First of all, why are you dropping hints to her instead of talking straight? Which husband is going to appreciate his wife being wooed by other men with all this darling-baby love talk?

Even if she’s not having an affair, the flirty behaviour is bound to make you uncomfortable. Don’t you think you should call her out on it instead of pretending like some other man is making her uncomfortable?

Clearly, she’s enjoying the attention!

You seem very timid and intimidated by your wife. And if her behaviour has changed toward you for the better because you suspect she is guilty of something, all the more reason to get to the bottom of it!

Stop playing games and pussyfooting around her. Do some straight-talking for a change instead of going behind her back and reading messages!

And FYI, being good-looking doesn’t give any spouse licence to make their partner insecure!

 

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 06, 2020

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Dear Anu, I don’t know how to start. My Age is 40. This is my second marriage. My first marriage was arranged and it lasted 6 months.  As I was in love we got divorced. We have one son who is 10 years old. Now the issue is my second wife and I have both betrayed each other. I caught her first having a deep love affair with her yoga friend. That fellow is married and we know his wife and daughter. She has started him when she was training for yoga and later they both started classes together. Meanwhile, I am in a relationship with a colleague. Now she is in a different organization. Although she has stopped it, I continue to chat with her. We are both struggling to come to a decision since last 9 months but nothing is working out. We both confessed; she is guilty, I am not. We've had a very rough time. Now she is at her mother’s home. My problem is that I can neither let her go nor forget her. She wants her freedom as earlier but I am not ready. So I am sad while I continue to torture her by asking past questions. I am worried more about my son. I am stuck so I end up bullying her. Please advice. I want to move on. I don’t want to be in relationship but i am afraid of taking decision. Sometime I feel miserable.
Ans: Dear PC, I don’t want this and I don’t want that is a childlike way of dealing with things; you will be stuck in that mud forever.

You have to want to either move on with your marriage or not.

If you choose to stay, you have to train your mind and as a couple go for a Couples Counselling to rebuild the marriage.

It will require forgiving; hard as it is, it will help both of you relook as to why you fell in love in the first place.

Sometimes, it is essential to hit the refresh button and look at things with a new perspective. And if you have decided mutually, to separate, do make sure there is no mud slinging or finger pointing.

A marriage is between two adults who are invested equally in it and there is no one person to blame.

Be graceful about this and make it a graceful end where you support one another.

Whatever you decide, always make sure your son is well looked after especially his mind and what he needs to know and understand.

Seek the support of a professional who deals with children growing up in families where the parents are separating or are quarrelling.

Either case, please DO NOT let the child suffer as this has long-term consequences on his mind.

I hope you make a decision sooner as every day not only makes it harder for both of you but for your child as well. Take care and best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!
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Shekhar

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Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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How to Network on LinkedIn. Also if you want to take a break from your job, how many months savings you should hold. My salary is less than Rs. 50,000 and I have a work experience of 6 years in field of education. Please guide.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Networking on LinkedIn can be a valuable tool for expanding your professional connections, exploring new career opportunities, and staying updated on industry trends. Start by ensuring that your LinkedIn profile is complete, up-to-date, and professional. Use a clear profile picture, write a compelling headline, and craft a summary that highlights your skills, experiences, and career goals. Include relevant keywords and skills to improve your visibility in search results. Begin by connecting with colleagues, classmates, mentors, and professionals you know personally. Personalize your connection requests with a brief message explaining why you'd like to connect. Engage with their content by liking, commenting, and sharing posts to stay on their radar. Join LinkedIn groups relevant to your industry, interests, or career goals. Participate in group discussions, share insights, and connect with fellow group members who share similar interests or expertise. Engaging in group conversations can help you build relationships with professionals outside your immediate network.

Regarding taking a break from your job, the ideal amount of savings to hold depends on your individual financial situation, expenses, and risk tolerance. As a general guideline, financial advisors often recommend having at least 3 to 6 months' worth of living expenses saved as an emergency fund. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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I m psb officer for past 21. 5 yrs and I m likely to get pension only after 3.5 yrs I m frustrated and feeling low owing to my job feel like resigning but can't as I have housing loan and gold loans . Guide me
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. It's understandable to feel frustrated and low after dedicating over two decades to your job, especially when you're contemplating resigning but feel constrained due to financial obligations like housing and gold loans. I would recommend that you to take some time to assess your current situation and explore all your options. Consider the reasons behind your frustration and dissatisfaction with your job. Are there specific aspects of your role or workplace environment that are contributing to your feelings of discontent? Understanding the root causes can help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

If you ultimately decide to resign from your current job, develop a plan for transitioning to a new phase of your career or life. Update your resume, network with professionals in your industry, and explore job opportunities that align with your skills, experience, and interests in banking, finance, consulting, and related fields. 

Finally, prioritize self-care and well-being as you navigate this challenging period. Take time for activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as hobbies, exercise, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing personal interests. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance and attending to your emotional and mental health are essential for resilience during times of change and uncertainty.

Remember that you're not alone in facing these challenges, and there are resources and support systems available to help you navigate this transition. Take things one step at a time, be patient with yourself, and trust that you have the resilience and strength to overcome obstacles and find fulfillment in your career and life. Best of luck! Feel free to contact me on Rediff Gurus if you need further assistance or help.
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Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

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Sir I have completed my b.tech in food technology in 2018. I want to continue my education and pursue PhD in food technology. Would it be wise to go for MSC in food tech?..for personal reasons I can't go for m.tech outside my hometown as there are no Google colleges here that offer m.tech in food tech. Or should I apply for RRB NTPC exam. Would have gone for RRB JE but there is no place for a food tech graduate as far as I know. Do need your advice sir.
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Deciding between pursuing an M.Sc. in food technology or applying for the RRB NTPC exam requires careful consideration of your career goals, personal circumstances, and long-term aspirations. I would suggest you set your priorities right. You should start looking for job prospects and career opportunities for food technology graduates in both academia and industry. There is a good demand for food technology professionals with advanced degrees in food technology; hence, evaluate whether pursuing a PhD or gaining work experience through government employment aligns better with your career goals. If your priority is to pursue a career in research, academia, or specialized roles in the food technology industry, pursuing an MSc and eventually a PhD may be the preferred path. On the other hand, if job stability, financial security, and government employment are your priorities, then exploring opportunities through the RRB NTPC exam may be more suitable today. By carefully evaluating your options and aligning your priorities with your goals and aspirations, you can make a decision that sets you on the path towards a fulfilling and rewarding career in food technology.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 13, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello , i am currently pursuing btech biotechnology and it is going to be completed in couple of months. I want to do masters in biotechnology from India only but the problem is currently i have only decided to go for masters meanwhile all the entrance exam related to it were over, now should i wait for next to give exam or take admission in this year only, and the irony is top colleges students are not being placed so this year and biotech field i think has less scope in India so now what should i do ?
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. This decision can indeed be challenging, especially considering the timing of entrance exams and the current state of job placements in the field.  You should start evaluating the available options for pursuing a master's degree in biotechnology in India and researching different universities, their admission processes, and the feasibility of securing admission this year versus waiting for the next cycle of entrance exams. You should also consider factors such as program reputation, faculty expertise, curriculum, and placement opportunities.

But if you decide to wait for the next cycle of entrance exams, consider utilizing the gap year productively by exploring opportunities for internships, research projects, skill development courses, or work experience in the biotechnology field. Building relevant experience and skills during this time can enhance your profile and increase your competitiveness for master's programs and future job opportunities. Ultimately, the decision to wait for the next cycle of entrance exams or pursue admission this year depends on your individual circumstances, preferences, and career objectives. Take the time to weigh your options carefully, gather relevant information, and make a decision that aligns with your long-term career goals and aspirations in the biotechnology field.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |51 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 18, 2024Hindi
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Career
Sir I am a 22 years old graduate with a degree in polymer technology from Tamilnadu. I am considering change my career from process engineer to maintenance and service engineer so please guide me on that field is good to join and kick start my career in this arena
Ans: Thank you for getting in touch with me on Rediff Gurus. Transitioning from a process engineer to a maintenance and service engineer can be an exciting career change, offering new challenges and opportunities for growth. But before making the switch, familiarize yourself with the responsibilities and duties of a maintenance and service engineer. This role typically involves ensuring the smooth operation of machinery and equipment, conducting routine maintenance tasks, diagnosing and troubleshooting issues, and performing repairs as needed. With the rise of Industry 4.0, there's a growing demand for engineers skilled in advanced manufacturing technologies such as additive manufacturing (3D printing), robotics, automation, and digital twin technology. Consider gaining expertise in these areas to stay at the forefront of technological advancements in predictive analytics, machine learning, and IoT (Internet of Things) sensors, which are in high demand. Gain knowledge of renewable energy technologies such as solar, wind, and hydroelectric power and explore opportunities in roles related to smart infrastructure, intelligent transportation systems, and smart city initiatives to help build resilient and efficient urban environments. These options align with your background in polymer technology and offer exciting opportunities to contribute to technological advancements and sustainability initiatives in the future. Kindly consider these areas further to identify career paths that align with your interests, skills, and aspirations.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |802 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma'am, something happened between me and my boyfriend as usual fights. His parents misunderstood him and me as well that I've gotten sick due to our fights and that he left me halfway through my house, which he didn't. And due a lot more misunderstandings he's parents have developed bit of a rage against me and they are blackmailing him to not try to Contact or call me or else they'd end their lives and he is scared cause he is an only child. Even if he wishes and tries to reach me he cannot because of his parents. What can be done in this situation. Now i don't understand shall i wait for him to come back or just move on. Since we haven't met or spoken for the last time. I haven't heard anything from him and his parents are saying he doesn't want to talk to anyone.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Do not waste your time...his parents and then him; you will constantly be in a stressful spot convincing either one of them that you are the person. If your boyfriend also feels the same as you about the relationship, then he will do something to support you.
If he doesn't and all that is becoming your job, then seriously do not waste any more time on this. And if he really wanted, he would have found a way of reaching out to you.
The very fact that you haven't heard much from him is a huge red flag. Focus on yourself and better people who respect you and your love will come along...
(My suggestions are only under the assumption that you and your boyfriend are above the age of 18 and 21 respectively).

All the best!
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