Hi I’m married but struggling with thoughts of ethical non monogamy. My physical needs won’t be ever fulfilled in the marriage is what I feel and I really think it’s ok to have an open marriage, with my spouse in agreement of course. How do I bring this topic to discuss with my partner without getting labeled as non faithful or not in love etc?

Dear IS,

What we try and avoid, we obsess over that more.

What is the real reason for wanting a relationship outside of marriage?

It is very easy and tempting to run away from facing issues that might be plaguing your marriage and hold on to something outside. Justifications maybe many.

Have you and your wife worked out issues at an emotional level.

Sex is one element of marriage and not the only one.

Maybe she feels emotionally disconnected from you as you might feel physically disconnected from her.

Whatever it is, bringing another person into a marriage isn’t going to sort out anything.

But if you have decided that a few complications aren’t going to hurt, well that is what is leading you to obsess over wanting another woman.

Instead, can you actually think of rebuilding the marriage? Of course, the want needs to be there else it’s a pointless exercise.

It takes a lot of work and patience and calm understanding between spouses to make a marriage work. Slippages can cost a parson his/ her marriage.

So, maybe it’s time to actually list down the best qualities you see in your wife and oh, yes WHY the two of you married in the first place, This WHY can re-energize you to look at things differently and more usefully.

The fact that you want to be loyal to your wife does suggest that there is a lot of love and care still in the marriage.

Who knows, the obsessive thoughts may fade…give your marriage another chance. I am sure you know that it deserves that chance!

All the best!