You may like to see similar questions and answers below
This is possibly another phase of your life and it's imperative that you start to look at your life with a fresh pair of eyes.
What I mean to say is: If you could go back in time much before you married, what are the things that still excite you?
Any hobbies, any professional pursuits?
This is the time to focus very strongly on building a good NOW and a fine future which means you need to pay attention to what is it that fires and fuels you as an individual.
Also reconnect with old friends and build new connections solely from the point of view of a social circle.
This will engage you with fresh idea, thoughts and this energy also helps you parent your children better.
All in all, when you are happy, your children also send back the same vibes to you.
The past cannot be changed and there is no point going back especially because you have decided to move on.
Then move on with a giant powerful stride by focusing on creating, building something new as it you can fill it like a new canvas and share it with your children as well.
Do what it takes to have a positive outlook in life; friends, work, hobbies, thoughts...let each of these be a choice that you make so that you always be in a positive frame of mind.
When, you do feel down and out, allow it BUT remind yourself that you have chosen this path and that you will come out strong no matter what.
Wishing you a wonderful life filled with strength and joy!
I guess two people in love wanting two different things within the relationship?
Easy way is to talk about it.
Yes, she may feel hurt and may feel that you led her the wrong way etc, but it’s better to discuss this rather than let it grow any further.
I would not know if many men feel the way that you do (it’s your view of the situation) but let’s focus on what you feel.
You do not want to have that commitment where you play the householders’ identity all over again after going through it in a not so pleasant way the first time. Fair enough!
But, don’t you feel the lady who loves you now needs to know that.
Keep her trust in you alive and validate her feelings when you communicate this to her.
There may be emotional outbursts and you must be in the kindest space of mind. After all, she has known her dreams in a different way with you and now things are changing.
An alternate thought to this: What would happen if you actually allow yourself a second chance at being a married man?
A lot of men do go through a second marriage and things have worked out fine for them.
Is it that you are used to living independently as you believe or are you fearful of a repeat from your first marriage?
If it is a fear, then time to break it and move past as you are keeping yourself from a beautiful journey and marriage.
It might be worthwhile to assess your thoughts and then if you still feel that it’s not fear and that you want the independence, time to break it to the lady very kindly and gently and do not forget to apologise to her. It might be a huge shock.
So, please check with your mind first before taking any decision.
What we try and avoid, we obsess over that more.
What is the real reason for wanting a relationship outside of marriage?
It is very easy and tempting to run away from facing issues that might be plaguing your marriage and hold on to something outside. Justifications maybe many.
Have you and your wife worked out issues at an emotional level.
Sex is one element of marriage and not the only one.
Maybe she feels emotionally disconnected from you as you might feel physically disconnected from her.
Whatever it is, bringing another person into a marriage isn’t going to sort out anything.
But if you have decided that a few complications aren’t going to hurt, well that is what is leading you to obsess over wanting another woman.
Instead, can you actually think of rebuilding the marriage? Of course, the want needs to be there else it’s a pointless exercise.
It takes a lot of work and patience and calm understanding between spouses to make a marriage work. Slippages can cost a parson his/ her marriage.
So, maybe it’s time to actually list down the best qualities you see in your wife and oh, yes WHY the two of you married in the first place, This WHY can re-energize you to look at things differently and more usefully.
The fact that you want to be loyal to your wife does suggest that there is a lot of love and care still in the marriage.
Who knows, the obsessive thoughts may fade…give your marriage another chance. I am sure you know that it deserves that chance!
All the best!