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Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 05, 2023

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi I’m married but struggling with thoughts of ethical non monogamy. My physical needs won’t be ever fulfilled in the marriage is what I feel and I really think it’s ok to have an open marriage, with my spouse in agreement of course. How do I bring this topic to discuss with my partner without getting labeled as non faithful or not in love etc?

Ans: If you’re asking my opinion, marriage to me means monogamy; people who enter into an open marriage usually have a prior arrangement to do so. And you’re assuming that in future you won’t be sexually fulfilled or is it your present circumstance? Doesn’t sound like you have been married too long. If you’re still hellbent on pursuing this, maybe bring it up in casual conversation and see what your spouse thinks of open arrangements — before bringing up that you want one! My guess is s/he won’t be too happy to hear about it!

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 16, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I don't want to disclose my name. I am married and have two children. I have a beautiful wife but I always tend to think about having a relationship with other women. I haven't had any relationship but I also want to be loyal to my wife. Our sex life is average. Everyday I try to avoid thinking this is useless but I can’t. Please advice.
Ans:

Dear IS,

What we try and avoid, we obsess over that more.

What is the real reason for wanting a relationship outside of marriage?

It is very easy and tempting to run away from facing issues that might be plaguing your marriage and hold on to something outside. Justifications maybe many.

Have you and your wife worked out issues at an emotional level.

Sex is one element of marriage and not the only one.

Maybe she feels emotionally disconnected from you as you might feel physically disconnected from her.

Whatever it is, bringing another person into a marriage isn’t going to sort out anything.

But if you have decided that a few complications aren’t going to hurt, well that is what is leading you to obsess over wanting another woman.

Instead, can you actually think of rebuilding the marriage? Of course, the want needs to be there else it’s a pointless exercise.

It takes a lot of work and patience and calm understanding between spouses to make a marriage work. Slippages can cost a parson his/ her marriage.

So, maybe it’s time to actually list down the best qualities you see in your wife and oh, yes WHY the two of you married in the first place, This WHY can re-energize you to look at things differently and more usefully.

The fact that you want to be loyal to your wife does suggest that there is a lot of love and care still in the marriage.

Who knows, the obsessive thoughts may fade…give your marriage another chance. I am sure you know that it deserves that chance!

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |281 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 02, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 28, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. Keep me anonymous. I'm in mid 40s. All my life I m a confused guy with regards to everything. Never married. Never had any love affair. I consider speaking to ladies, proposing them, love making as demeaning and bad. But occasionally I feel lonely, driven by natural human desire to love and to be loved. I have always had a desire to marry and and an equal desire to not marry. I however like more of non married life. And never , not even in dreams like making adjustments which may be required in a married life. My way is always Highway. Wt do you suggest or think in this case?? Not that I accept other's suggestions.
Ans: It's perfectly okay to have different desires and preferences when it comes to relationships and marriage. People have diverse perspectives on these matters, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to life. What matters most is that you understand and accept your feelings and choices.

If you feel content and happy with your non-married life and prefer to live independently without making adjustments for a partner, that is entirely valid. Some individuals find fulfillment and satisfaction in singlehood, and that is absolutely fine. Not everyone feels the need to pursue romantic relationships or marriage, and that doesn't make you any less of a person.

However, if you occasionally feel lonely and desire love and companionship, that is also natural. It's okay to have moments of vulnerability and longing for emotional connection. You can explore ways to address these feelings without necessarily committing to a traditional romantic relationship or marriage. For example, you might consider building strong friendships or participating in social activities that allow you to connect with others on a meaningful level.

Ultimately, what matters most is that you embrace and understand yourself and your feelings. If you find contentment and fulfillment in your current lifestyle, there is no need to feel pressured to conform to societal expectations. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and happiness, regardless of external opinions or suggestions.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or conflicted about your feelings, talking to a counselor or therapist can be beneficial. They can provide a safe space for you to explore your thoughts and emotions and help you gain clarity about what you truly want in life.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to approach relationships or marriage. Each person's journey is unique, and the key is to be true to yourself and make choices that align with your values and bring you happiness.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1040 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am experiencing sexless marriage since last 12 years due some catastrophic mentality of the spouse. Tried to have sex outside but I don't like it as its lacking of emotions and safety. I cant afford that financially too. I am now 48 and really got frustrated affecting my abilities, manifestations of which show in my professional life too. Cant leave her, cant blame her, cant curse her because we both love each other too much. She herself tell me to go outside for sex. Cant take her to psychiatrist or counselor too as she resist for this. She used to be in depression too but show herself normal. She is working and stress factor too is there. Due to her attitude, misunderstanding or thinking, she is also not happy herself. I have consulted doctor for myself and for her too but is not fruitful as she don't attend the clinic. I feel I need a partner for my psychological siphoning, but no way. I feel I am cursed for no intimate relationship. As of now I do get engaged in my work and try to get happiness sexually by masturbation but not happy at all. I am thinking of castration too to get the urge of sex be killed. In my family we dont have sound conversations too due to anger, loudness, etc. I always have to be calm as I can. I feel all feuds will vanish one day but its taking too much time. What to do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I do empathize with you; but what problem are you trying to solve?
Putting your marriage back together and connect better with your wife OR whining about your sex life and wondering how to satisfy yourself?
If it's the former, then focus on how and what can be done to revive her faith in herself...if counselors aren't working, you might have to take on the mantle of getting the relationship back on track but also letting her know that she needs to do the same. She also must be made aware that the effort must be from her side as well. It's an uphill task but I would emphasize that focus on getting your marriage back on track. It will channel your energies better without leading to frustrations.
Who knows....when things improve, she and you might actually be able to revive your sex life as well.

All the best!

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

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Money
I am a salaried person My take home earning is 39.5K I have two daughter out of which elder one has completed teenage and second is teenager now. I am living on rent Please Suggest Some SIP funds name along with amount suggestion so that I can make my own home in next 10 years along with family liabilities. MY savings would be about 10 L - 11 L within six months.
Ans: You earn Rs. 39,500 per month. You have two daughters, one in her teens and the other has completed her teenage years. You live on rent and aim to buy a home in the next 10 years. Your savings will be about Rs. 10-11 lakhs within six months.

Investment Strategy
Monthly SIP Allocation
Given your goal of buying a home in 10 years, consider the following SIP allocations:

Large-Cap Funds: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly. These funds provide stability and steady returns.

Multi-Cap Funds: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly. These funds balance investments across different market capitalizations.

Hybrid Funds: Allocate Rs. 5,000 monthly. These funds mix equity and debt, balancing risk and return.

Mid-Cap Funds: Allocate Rs. 2,000 monthly. These funds offer higher growth potential with moderate risk.

Small-Cap Funds: Allocate Rs. 2,000 monthly. These funds can yield high returns but are riskier.

Lump Sum Investment
When your savings reach Rs. 10-11 lakhs, invest a portion in mutual funds and keep some as an emergency fund.

Emergency Fund: Keep Rs. 2-3 lakhs in a high-interest savings account or liquid fund.

Equity Mutual Funds: Invest Rs. 5 lakhs in a combination of large-cap, multi-cap, and mid-cap funds.

Debt Funds: Invest Rs. 2-3 lakhs in short-term debt funds for stability and moderate returns.

Diversification and Risk Management
Diversify Investments: Ensure your investments are spread across different asset classes to reduce risk.

Regular Monitoring: Review your investments periodically to ensure they are aligned with your goals.

Professional Advice
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner. They can help tailor a plan to your specific needs and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Start monthly SIPs in a diversified portfolio.

Allocate lump sum savings wisely.

Diversify investments to manage risk.

Regularly monitor your investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 09, 2024Hindi
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Money
I am 41 single female ,no kids, no dependents with no ancestral/ property for self. Just started MF 13k a month (in axis small cap 5k, axis flexi cap 5k & axis bluchip 3k) , PPF has 5L , NPS(T1) has 3L balance.PPF 8.5k a month & 6K in NPS are monthly investments apart from SIP. I m living on rent 21k a month . no EPF balance . Monthly fixed expenses are 70k , car loan & card emi 40k .I make about 1.4L a month. Have health insurance for 1cr . How much more should I invest on monthly basis to have a good retirement? Also the dilema of buying a house flat is always, as there are no dependents/ don't see any in future..no marriage plans in future too. So is it okay to stay on rent ? I have no other savings from the one mentioned above. I have utilised 80 C & 80 D investments completely car insurance & health insurance is about 60k a year
Ans: Current Financial Position

You have a well-structured investment plan with mutual funds, PPF, and NPS. Your monthly investments are focused on SIPs and contributions to PPF and NPS.

Investment Goals

Retirement Planning: Building a comfortable retirement corpus.

Debt Management: Paying off your car loan and credit card EMIs.

Housing Decision: Deciding between renting and buying a house.

Assessment of Current Investments

Mutual Funds (Rs 13,000 per month): You are investing in small cap, flexi cap, and bluechip funds. This provides a mix of high growth potential and stability.

PPF (Rs 5 lakhs): Offers safety and tax benefits. Your monthly contribution is Rs 8,500, which is good for long-term growth.

NPS (Rs 3 lakhs): Provides an additional retirement corpus with tax benefits. Your monthly contribution is Rs 6,000.

Recommendations

1. Increase Monthly Investments

To achieve a good retirement corpus, increase your monthly investments. Aim to save and invest at least 30% of your income. This means increasing your monthly investments to around Rs 42,000.

2. Focus on Debt Management

Prioritize paying off your car loan and credit card EMIs. This will free up funds for additional investments and reduce financial stress.

3. Housing Decision

Renting is a viable option if you do not have dependents and no plans to marry. It provides flexibility and avoids the long-term commitment of a home loan. Investing the funds instead of buying a house can potentially yield better returns.

4. Diversify Your Portfolio

While your mutual funds are well-chosen, consider adding a few more diversified funds to spread risk. Avoid direct funds; instead, invest through a Certified Financial Planner for better management and advice.

5. Maximize Tax Benefits

You are utilizing Section 80C and 80D benefits. Continue to do so and explore other tax-saving investments that align with your goals.

Final Insights

Your financial planning is on the right track. Focus on increasing investments and paying off debt. Renting is a practical choice given your circumstances. A diversified and well-managed investment portfolio will ensure a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello, I am 39 and I earn 1.5 lacs per month after Tax and Mandatory PF deduction. I have a total Loan EMI of around ?60,000 which will continue for the next 9 yrs. I have 38 lacs in provident Fund, 5 lacs in PPF, 5 lacs in Bank FD and 15 lacs in Equity MF(?40000/- SIP in 5 Different High Risk Portfolio). I am planning to retire at 50. Kindly guide me how to reach ?3 Crore Corpus Savings/Investment in the quickest possible way.?
Ans: Current Financial Overview
You earn Rs. 1.5 lakhs per month. You have a loan EMI of Rs. 60,000 for the next nine years. Your savings include Rs. 38 lakhs in provident fund, Rs. 5 lakhs in PPF, Rs. 5 lakhs in FD, and Rs. 15 lakhs in equity mutual funds. You invest Rs. 40,000 monthly in high-risk SIPs.

Goal Assessment
You aim to retire at 50 with a Rs. 3 crore corpus. Let's strategize to achieve this goal.

Investment Strategy
Increase SIP Contributions
To reach your goal, consider increasing your SIP contributions. Allocate more funds to a mix of mutual funds with varying risk profiles.

Large-Cap Funds: For stability and steady growth.

Multi-Cap Funds: For balanced exposure across market capitalizations.

Hybrid Funds: For a mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return.

Increase your SIP contribution as your income grows or expenses reduce.

Optimize Current Investments
Provident Fund
Your provident fund is a strong base. Continue contributing to it for tax benefits and steady returns.

PPF and FD
PPF and FD offer safety but lower returns. Consider moving some FD funds to equity mutual funds for higher growth.

Debt Management
Loan Repayment
Prioritize repaying high-interest loans first. Consider refinancing to reduce interest rates. This will free up more funds for investment.

Diversification and Risk Management
Avoid Overconcentration
Ensure your investments are diversified. Avoid overconcentration in high-risk funds. Balance your portfolio with low and medium-risk investments.

Professional Advice
Consider consulting a Certified Financial Planner. They can help tailor a plan to your specific needs and risk tolerance.

Final Insights
Increase SIP contributions in a diversified portfolio.

Balance high-risk funds with stable investments.

Optimize existing investments for better returns.

Focus on debt repayment to free up funds.

Consider professional financial advice for a tailored plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4830 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi I need advice from you. After 18.5 years of experience corporate sector, I lost my job recently. I am now in a confusion state that, should I again try for job ? or do business/ small job ? Currently my MF portfolio is 1 Cr ( Quant small 70 lakhs , HDFc mid cap 20 lakhs , Nippon small cap 8 lakhs, Canara roboco ELSS 2 lakhs) , having 10% profit as on date Also , I am planning to sell a land which is not growing as expected ( Approx 20 lakhs ) I have 2 houses , would like to sell one , ( Approx 50 lakhs ) Planning to Move all these funds into mutual funds With approx 1.7 cr, can I retire?
Ans: Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
You have significant investments and assets. Your mutual fund portfolio is Rs. 1 crore with a 10% profit. You plan to sell land for Rs. 20 lakhs and a house for Rs. 50 lakhs, totaling an additional Rs. 70 lakhs. This would bring your total available funds to Rs. 1.7 crore.

Considering Retirement Feasibility
Living Expenses
To assess if you can retire, estimate your monthly living expenses. Include housing, food, healthcare, insurance, and leisure. For a comfortable retirement, consider inflation and increasing medical costs.

Withdrawal Rate
A safe withdrawal rate is around 4% per year. With Rs. 1.7 crore, you could withdraw Rs. 6.8 lakhs annually, or around Rs. 56,000 monthly. Ensure this aligns with your expected expenses.

Reinvestment Strategy
Diversified Mutual Funds
Consider reallocating your investments for diversification and risk management. Your current portfolio is heavily skewed towards small and mid-cap funds.

Large-Cap Funds: Include these for stability and steady returns.

Multi-Cap Funds: Offer exposure across market capitalizations, balancing risk and reward.

Hybrid Funds: Invest in both equity and debt for balanced growth and stability.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Consider an SWP for regular income. This will provide a steady cash flow while keeping your principal invested.

Alternative Options
Starting a Business
Starting a business can be rewarding but involves risks. Consider your interests, market demand, and initial investment. A small job could also provide income and maintain financial stability.

Seeking Employment
Returning to a corporate job can provide stability and benefits. It can also help you grow your retirement corpus further before fully retiring.

Final Insights
Evaluate your monthly expenses and future financial needs. Reallocate your portfolio for diversification. Consider an SWP for steady income. Explore small jobs or business opportunities, but weigh the risks. Returning to a corporate job can offer stability and growth.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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