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Devastated by Long-Distance Breakup: Seeking Guidance on Moving Forward

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |609 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 23, 2024Hindi
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Sir I have been in a relationship of 2 yr now it's been a three yr she's gone now,she said our caste is not same so we don't have future together when his father found out about our relationship,we already known our caste already when we started our relationship now I wonder why did she said that.later,she said I moved on I don't want to be with you and don't contact me ever.. it's been 3 years now can't stop my self from thinking her everyday there is lots of thoughts coms into my mind what could be reason that she left me I'm dying thinking of her but don't care what I suffered from this.. sometimes I think ,is she found someone we living in a different cities know I think I should get hai government job which I promised to her and then go to meet her and talk about our marriage...is it right to do now.. please help me I ..... what could I do now

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Breakups are rough. I understand how painful it is, and all your feelings are valid. But hoping that a government job can sort everything out, is that the right thing to think? She did not break up with you for your job, she did so because of your caste. And wondering why she said all the harsh things will get you nowhere; it will not give you any closure. She could have meant it all or might have said it just to make sure you don't come back again. Whatever the reason, you should respect her wishes and find a way to move forward. I know it hurts to think that she has found someone else, but if you allow yourself to move on, soon you will find someone too- someone who loves you for who you are and someone who loves you completely. I can't force you to move on; the decision is yours. But don't rush- take a little time to think your plan through. If you get a government job, it's great; not because you will get her back but because you will have achieved something substantial. I strongly suggest focusing on yourself, because no one else will.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |609 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 13, 2023

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I started a relationship with a girl. First we thought it just a relationship no marriage. But as days going we fell deep into each other that we cant live without each other. I found one thing that she loving more than needed. Im so scared of her, what will she do if i run out of her life for my marriage. This thought killed me. So I decided to leave her without telling a reason. I left her with a small issue. I really dont want to loose but i had to. I just said good bye, she also said good bye. Later i never texted her. She too never texted me. But after 2 months i felt guilty of leaving so i came back to her. Previously her parents decided to marry her to their son in law. I know this when were in relationship. So after our breakup i came back to her. But she said no to me because she is committed with her brother in law. I cant take this. Its killing me. After i said good bye she never tried to contact me for patch-up. Even no texts. Her brother in law told her that im ready to marry you. So she too said i too like you and im also ready to marry you. But their marriage will happen in 2026. I told her that untill marriage please be with me and this is our deal when we started our relationship. But she said no. I begged her many times but she always said no to me. And still now i cant believe that she said no to me. All this happened 3 months ago but still i cant forget her. Recently she deleted my number also. Everything making me feel low. What should i do now?
Ans: Dear Srikanth,

To me, it sounds like you broke up with her. No, you ghosted her. How you put her on trial isn't clear to me, given the fact that you stopped contacting her after a mere goodbye and no proper explanation. Why did she not try to contact you? Maybe she has enough self-respect to restrain herself from doing so; I cannot speak for her but judging the events, you were the one who broke up and you need to own up to it.

Moving on to her deciding to get married- I am assuming she told you she's happy to marry her intended; if so, please accept the reality and move on. Next, why is she not agreeing to be in a relationship with you till the time she gets married? To expect otherwise from any sane, self-respecting person is delusional.

You knew that the two of you could not end up together and took a decision; immature as it was, your intentions were good. Similarly, your ex chose to move on. I don't see either of you making any considerable mistakes here. Both were right in their ways, except for the "you leaving her without a word" part. It is time you move on, and let her live her life in peace. You might feel low for a while, but nothing feels worse than hurting the people you once loved, and compelling your ex to commit to you when she doesn't want to is the same as hurting her. Make the right choices.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |609 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

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I'm 23old now I was in a 2yr relationship,she was from caste and we know each other since school time once we started our relationship it went well we were committed to each other but when shifted to her native place things got rough she started ignoring me and given reason of college. once her uncle found out about our relationship and told her father about us her father warned her not to talk with anyone then she refused to continue our relationship citing of not having future together now it's been three years now she moved on and I still don't what was her actual reason why she left me ....after one year of break up she contacted me and I assured her of getting government job and talk to her parents but she said she didn't have much time her father liked his friend son but she hasn't talk to him I don't know what to do I can't stop thinking about her everyday should I try again... please help me
Ans: Dear Saurav,

I understand the appeal of trying once again, starting over. The relationship you shared with her was comfortable and familiar. We are all drawn to comfort and familiarity. But, are you sure she is still the person you fell in love with? It's been some time since you two have been together. People grow, and change. If you do want to give it another try, I suggest meeting up in person or spending enough time together to understand if you two are still compatible. Next, she has left you once for her family; while we understand the pressure, the reality is still the reality- she chose her family over you. You should discuss the matter before getting into the relationship once more. Even if you successfully start over, it would be naive to expect things to be just as they were before- some things will be better and some different. Go ahead only after you acknowledge all of these.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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