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My Parents Are Trying to Finalize My Marriage Without My Consent - What Should I Do?

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |149 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Shalini Singh is the founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians living in India and overseas. After graduating from college as a kindergarten teacher, Singh worked at various firms specialising in marketing strategy, digital marketing and public relations before finding her niche as an entrepreneur. In 2008, she founded Galvanise PR, an independent communications and public relations. In 2019, she launched andwemet.
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Mehak Question by Mehak on Jul 29, 2024Hindi
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"Hi... I'm a 28-year-old female. My parents are searching for a suitable match for me. They recently received a proposal from a guy's family. Since my family is orthodox, they're trying to finalize my marriage without consulting me. However, the main issue is that when my father told them I want to speak with the groom, his father hesitated."He said they can talk after the engagement, which made me feel uneasy and suspicious. What should I do in this situation?

Ans: This sure is a red flag -

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Shalini

Shalini Singh  |149 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Apr 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi Mam, I wanted to keep it anonymous. I am 26years old female, my parents are looking for a suitable alliance for me. They came with a proposal from a guy's family and they wanted to have a formal meet in a temple. We all met in the temple the guy's family looked good they talked in a nice manner myself and the guy had a seperate conversation. Before going his parents told that he is an introvert and wont speak much. while we went to talk i was the one asking him questions and he only replied for that and inturn asked me the same question. I am an extrovert so i did the most of the talking part i didnt wanted to make the convo boring without answering anything so i was coming up with new questions. We spoke for around 10-15mins and then went to the place where our parents were sitting, his parents asked me to tell the answer immediately but i told them that i will tell the decision once i reach home. His parnets talked to him seperately and asked him the decision and he said yes it seems. We left the temple then, after two days when my parents asked me what was my decision i told them that though he is a nice guy i cant see him as my partner and if were to marry him that would be for your happiness i will not be able to marry him whole heartedly was my answer, then my parents spoke to his parents and told that if you want to talk to him again meet him somewhere and then talk and decide. I thought okay lets give it a try and said yes, we met after a week in a cafe. He initially asked me about my work and then i asked the same after that again he didnt speak much, i always wanted my partner to speak and have fun conversation with me. Though its our second meet i wanted him to atleast talk little bit that the first one but he didnt do much talking part. I was again talking and we left after 30mins. My parents were trying to convince me a lot, i told them that my intuition doesn't work with this guy(I am firm believer of intuition i have been doing things based on my intuition only) but my parents were trying to convince me telling you dont know what you want we will only know what you want, you will be happy if you marry this guy. But my soul doesnt want to marry this guy it seems im not able to accept my parents convincing words. If i were to marry him that will only be my parents choice and not my choice. What should i do now?
Ans: Well, this conversation requires a discussion - but I will attempt responding based on what you have shared. You should know introverts take time in opening up...and that should be respected. Its possible when you know each other, he may still not open up with others, but with you he is talkative. What is bothersome here is you intuition, your 6th sense - which makes you uncomfortable - question it, why do you think that is the case. If I was in a similar situation I would have asked to meet this gentleman 3-4 times more - and would observe more and talk less :)....maybe listen more and ask fewer questions. If you do meet him ask him what is making him say yes. Let him know that it bothers you that he responds in short sentences. But after that play games together - from board games to games like 3 things you wish to have in your partner to 3 qualities you wish you partner works upon. You need to answer this as well. Ask him his 3 strengths and share yours, share personality traits you need to work on and ask his.....keep the conversations light and fun....and then question your intuition again...and if it does not agree then do what works for you. Make parents sit down and explain it to them without getting emotional or raising your voice. Hope this helps.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1571 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi Ma'am, I got married few years back to my boyfriend. It was an intercaste marriage to which my parents opposed very strongly. They tried doing everything from verbal abuse, emotional abuse, guilt tripping, calling names, blaming my education to even asking me to leave my job. But with my elder brothers support I was able to still go ahead and got married to him. Today my parents love my partner a lot and are very happy with the very same person and his family which they were earlier opposing to due to fear of what others will say to this intercaste marriage. But today there is a similar situation built up at home with my brother's wedding. He is in his 30s and parents are concerned of getting him married asap. He told them about his girlfriend from other caste which was okay with the parents but they didnt like the girl purely from looks. They are concerned now that people will question them why you bought such a bride for your son and that they had so many beautiful prospects to which they said NO and now will be making this girl a bride of the house which will open them to mockery of others. They have not even met the girl but only after seeing photos they are so negative and again hurting us as well as themselves by saying lot of negative toxic things and guilt tripping for everything they have done for us. I feel they will become happy in few years but at this point they are not even agreeing to meet the family due to which the girl's family is getting apprehensive of marrying their daughter to our family. I have been trying to convince my parents but they start saying things like you also did the same so you will obviously support and we don't want to be a part of anything. If you want to get married go ahead and do it but don't expect us to be a part of it. What should I be doing?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your parents like giving their children a challenging time by exerting authority and then afterwards giving in to prove that they yielded and are such good people. It may sound pretty mean, but a lot many people play this power struggle games simply to win favors. This happens in the relationship sphere in homes and work spaces.
Now, in this case, your parents may or may not come around BUT seeing the way they accepted your marriage, give your brother's situation a bit of a pause. This will help your parents know that no one is going to beg and plead them and then let them have the pleasure of saying YES.
It will also enable you and your brother to work in the background as to how to make the girls' side of the family and your parents to meet. So, take a bit of a backseat that will also aid in letting your parents breathe. Wait it out a bit and then work with your parents gently to address their concerns and then eventually make the parents meet. A bit of patience...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1136 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

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Hello! Advait ji, My Mom is 82 and gets family pension. She has 70 lakhs FD maturing in March 25. I would like to invest 10 lakhs in FD as emergency fund. Kindly advice how to invest the remaining 60 lakhs, which is risk free and gives good returns (better than FD) She has the following investment - 1. 10 lakhs in Edelweiss Multicap Fund - Gr 2. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in HDFC Flexicap Fund -Gr 3. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in HDFC Midcap Opportunities Fund 4. 2 lakhs 50 thousand in Invesco India Focused Fund 5. 2 lakhs 50 thousand in LIC MF Infrastructure Fund 6. 2 lakhs 50 thousand in Motilal Oswal Large and Mid-Cap 7. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in Nippon India Large Cap Fund 8. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in Nippon India Multicap Fund 9. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in Nippon India Small Cap Fund 10. 2 lakhs 40 thousand in Quant Small Cap Fund. Total Mutual fund investment of 32 lakhs. Apart from MF she has invested in Bajaj Allianz Life insurance plan, where she will investRs 2 Lakhs per year for 10 years. This is a guaranteed plan. She is comfortable running the house with her pension. However, please suggest shorter duration investments (5 yrs) Regards Namrata
Ans: Hello;

She may opt for any of these investment avenues:

1. Post office time deposit scheme(FDs offered by post office for 1,2,3 & 5 year tenure); Joint holding allowed; Premature withdrawal allowed after 6M. (Current ROI 6.9-7.5%)

2. NSC with a fixed tenure of 5 years; No premature withdrawal allowed. Can be held jointly(Current ROI 7.7%)

3. KVP: Although tenure is 9 yrs and 5 months, you may do premature encashment after 2.5 years; joint holding allowed;(Current ROI 7.5%)

You may approach a reliable postal agent to process these investments to avoid hassle of frequent post visits and associated hardships.

These are backed by GOI so no risk of default.

Hope this meets your requirements.

Best wishes;

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Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1061 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

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I am a first year student at MIT Manipal,currently pursuing Electrical and Electronics engineering(EEE),and I am have been given a choice to apply for branch change in my institute either to CSE,Mathematics and Computing(MnC) or ECE in my second year. I did not study Computer Science in 11th and 12th, and I coding in C for the first time as part of my 1st year syllabus.I am not very much interested to coding,but I am learning it since it is there in the course syllabus. My parents suggest switching to CSE, but they are not engineers and do not have insights into the current job market. Since my batch will be passing out in 2028, I want to understand the job scenario for CSE, MnC, ECE, and EEE graduates by then. Among these,which branch provides better opportunities for core engineering jobs with good or decent salary and stability? I have heard that many ECE graduates end up in IT jobs due to lack of core industries-is that true?Would ECE be a better alternative to CSE for core jobs or is it better to stay in EEE? Also between CSE, ECE, and EEE, which has less competition in the job market while still offering good career prospects? Additionally, I want to know which branch is broader, with ample opportunities in both the government and private sectors, especially for core jobs with good pay and stability. base on futuret rends, would it be a wise decision to change my branch, or should I continue with EEE?
Ans: Happy to see that you have asked very logical questions. I can say that, since you are already in Electrical and Electronics Engineering (EEE) at MIT Manipal and have the opportunity to change to CSE, Mathematics and Computing (MnC), or ECE, your decision should be based on:


Your Interests (Core Engineering vs Coding)
Job Market Trends for 2028 and Beyond
Competition & Industry Demand

Future Job Market (2028 & Beyond) for Each Branch
Branch Core Job Scope IT/Software Jobs Govt Jobs Competition Salary Stability
CSE Low (Software Focused) High Limited Very High High but Unstable
MnC Medium (AI/ML, Finance) High Limited High High but Research-Oriented
ECE Medium (VLSI, Chip Design, Telecom, IoT) High Moderate (ISRO, DRDO, PSU) High Medium-High
EEE High (Power, EVs, Automation, Energy, PSU) Moderate High (Railways, NTPC, BHEL, Govt) Low-Medium High & Stable

Should You Switch to CSE, MnC, or ECE?
If You Want Core Engineering Jobs with Stability
Best Option: Stay in EEE

If You Want a Balance Between Core & Software Jobs
Best Option: ECE

If You Want a High-Paying Private Sector Career (But Not Core Engineering)
Best Option: MnC or CSE

Hope this will help you in decision making.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1136 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

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Hi sir I am investing when ever i have money not like in SIP. my most of investments are around 6 L invested in Quant different mutual funds. No a days i can see my all the Quant funds are going down. Im 34 years old female. My plan is 10 years. Can i exit from quant and invest in any some MF rather than getting more loss? Can you please review my portfolian. Do i need to exit from any MF. Since i'm maintaining too many MF. Thanks in advance. Mutual Funds List No' Scheme Name AMC Category Sub-category ISIN 1 DSP Small Cap Direct Plan Growth DSP Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF740K01QD1 2 Quant Focused Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Focused INF966L01853 3 Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth PPFAS Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF879O01027 4 Mirae Asset ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth Mirae Asset Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF769K01DM9 5 JM Flexicap Fund Direct Plan Growth JM Financial Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF192K01CC7 6 Axis Growth Opportunities Fund Direct Growth Axis Mutual Fund Equity Large & MidCap INF846K01J46 7 Parag Parikh ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth PPFAS Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF879O01100 8 Quant Small Cap Fund Direct Plan Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF966L01689 9 Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Canara Robeco Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF760K01JC6 10 Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund Direct Growth Motilal Oswal Mutual Fund Equity Mid Cap INF247L01445 11 Nippon India Multi Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Multi Cap INF204K01XF9 12 Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF204K01K15 13 ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Direct Growth ICICI Prudential Mutual Fund Equity Value INF109K012K1 14 Quant Flexi Cap Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Flexi Cap INF966L01911 15 Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct Growth Nippon India Mutual Fund Equity Small Cap INF204K01K15 16 Quant ELSS Tax Saver Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity ELSS INF966L01986 17 Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity Fund Direct Growth Aditya Birla Sun Life Mutual Fund Equity Sectoral / Thematic INF209KB1O82 18 Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct Growth Quant Mutual Fund Equity Mid Cap INF966L01887 STOCKS LIST 1 APOLLO TYRES-EQ RE 1 2 ASIAN PAINTS EQ 1/ 3 BRITANNIA IND-EQ1/- 4 CG POWER-EQ2/ 5 IRCTCL-EQ2 6 NHPC LIMITED - EQ 7 TATA STEEL-EQ1/ 8 Deepak nitrate 9 LT 10 Narayana Hrudayalaya
Ans: Hello;

6 L worth investment in 18 different funds is spreading it too thin.

You have a time horizon of 10 years but how much corpus you want to accumulate after 10 years kindly clarify?

Also if you can specify the goal for which this investment is aimed at then it will help us to suggest suitably.

I will recommend you strategy to rationalize you MF holdings once you revert on the above points.

Thanks;

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |1136 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Mar 25, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Money
Sir, I am Mudassar, 40 years old, i have 3 childrens, 2 daughter and son. Sir, i need your suggestions/guidance becaz i am in very crtical situation. My take home salary is 40K and my father (retired age 74 ) salary is 35K , we both have personal laons to build house. I have two running LIC's , on which i have taken loan also. Recenlty we build own house , if i sell now, i will get around 42 to 45 Lakhs . My lloan detailsbelow ; 1. HDFC 7,20,000 emi 14K 2. Company emi 1,50,000 emi 4K 3. LIC loan 2 laks emi 2K 4. Father loan 4 lacks , two year remaining, emi 14K Total emi : 34K Apart from we are paying 15K monthy to chit fund , still 15 months remaining. Summary: Total sal 75 K , after laon and chit fund deducting , will get 26K to run home , including grocery, children fees , health etc... its very difficult to manage, and keep thinking to take extra loan .. as i said earlier , have two LIC's , i am.paying 56K every year . What i am thinking is, i will sell my house And clear all my laons .. and approximate i will have 25 Lakhs remeaing , so i will inest in mutual fund , SIP , SWP, index fund for long time investment .. So i.am in very confusing mode , whether i have to sell my house .. and start my investment journey... pls help sir .. My finacial conditions are very similar to all middle class family.. Request you to please reply and give your sugestion for investment joury. Awaiting your kind reply .. Thanks in advance ...
Ans: Hello;

Suppose you sell your house and clear your loans and other liabilities but where will you & your family stay?

How much rental per month would be required to get an adequate house on rent?

Please clarify. Based on your input we can advise you suitably.

Thanks;

...Read more

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