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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 04, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
javid Question by javid on May 03, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I have been married for 3 years and it was arrange marriage, but before marriage I met my Ex, but had not any contact or messaged her, but however I liked the post of Ex in the first year of marriage but after that unfollowed her on social media. But one day my wife went through my phone and had fight why i had liked her photo and made her hurt. I apologized for it, but became more worse and she kept on going through my phone and got information on my debts which i was handling perfectly. But she said, she does not trust me. What should I do?

Ans: Hello Javid,
it's important to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about her concerns and feelings. Listen to her perspective without becoming defensive, and try to understand where her mistrust is coming from. Reassure her of your commitment to the marriage and your desire to work through these issues together.

Transparency and communication are key in rebuilding trust. Consider discussing boundaries around privacy and social media use to help alleviate her concerns. For example, you might agree to keep each other informed about your social media interactions or agree on guidelines for accessing each other's phones.

It may also be helpful to seek couples therapy or counseling to work through trust issues and improve communication in your relationship. A therapist can provide a neutral space for both of you to express your concerns and work on finding solutions together.

Finally, be patient and understanding with each other as you navigate this process. Rebuilding trust takes time, but with effort and commitment from both partners, it is possible to strengthen your relationship.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 16, 2023Hindi
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Hello Anuji, I am 52 and wifey at 49. In Jan 20, my wife admitted that she is in contact with her college friend since three years and she has ended it. Her college friend's wife found these contacts and threatened my wife for further consequences. Due to that threat, my terrified wife admitted on her own about her wrongdoings and asked me to forgive. It was shocking and mentally disturbing for me as I was trusting her 100% with all freedom one should give to loving spouse, but she failed. I tried to find the truth and level of that relationship. I have burned almost one year to come out of this shock. I forgive her one time for the sake of future of my children. Currently, though things are running smoothly, I do not dare to trust her 100% again. If I don't trust my wife, is there any future in my marriage? If yes, what should I do to secure my marriage even if I don't trust my wife fully?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It is definitely difficult to trust again when the trust has been broken in the first place.
So, you need to make that call...if you want to rebuild your relationship and the reason is for the sake of the children, it might not last long. Make a decision of getting back together to first put your relationship with her in place; the children will anyway benefit from that. Having said that, this requires you to trust her...
Is it possible? Yes, though you will be continually filled with doubts and test her every move and that will not be healthy...
So, the key is that if you have decided to get back together, you must put full faith and trust back into it as hard as it may seem...But do it a 100%...give it your full...You either trust or you don't...there's no in between state here...
What might help is to have a clear conversation with your wife before you make any decision. Express how this has hurt you and how difficult you find it trusting her again. Allow her to do the talking on what she wants, what efforts she is going to put to reconcile and how things seem in the near future to her.
Gauge if there is any inadequacy that she has felt within the marriage so that this can be addressed as well.

The conversation is only a guide to the way forward and not a BEAT each other up game.

So, start your new journey knowing if you can trust, if you want to trust again...It will open up a sea of challenges and lessons to learn from.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
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Hi.. good evening.. i want your advise.. we are married for 6 months now and we had a arranged marriage. My mistake was not informing my wife about my past relationship which we had broken up badly and immediately after my marriage my ex girlfriend shared our pictures with my wife purposefully and she got upset with that and me and my family convinced my wife that i have broken up with her and i dont have any contact with her and it is true and i am loyal to my wife. Everthing was normal after that and 2 months passed and i observed that my wife is in regular contact with a guy on phone whom she calls friend and talks to him daily. I confronted this to her and she told that he is just her freind and he had helped her before during her difficult times. Again this continued and i asked her to stop contacting him daily and even though he is a friend what is the point in talking to him daily and she just cried telling that i am controlling her and she feels like she has no freedom and is in jail and i am not allowing her to talk to her friends. After this she limited her talks with him and seemed fine by me as it is just a friendly casual talks 2 to 3 times a week. One day she asked me reply to one of her emails and wanted to upload some file. While i went to upload i had access to her google photos and i was shell shocked to see lots of photos of her with this guy whom she calls friend and in close proximity. Also there are pictures of them dated 3 to 4 years back and also the most hurting part is the pictures of her with him after our marriage as well. She had told me that they have a college get together and reunion and she had went with him on that day and stayed overnight as well. I was literally shocked by this and confronted her immediately and then she told me that she was in relationship with him and her parents did not agree so couldnt marry him and even he also cancelled many marriage proposals because of her and she betrayed him and happily married now with me while he is still not married and she feels guilty as all this happened to him because of her and so she talks to him daily and she can only feel ok once he is married. I told her she has to stop talking to him if we want to keep this marriage.. she tells me if i leave her she is dead as even her parents wont accpet her and also he (her ex boyfriend) will not accept her and she says she has nowhere else to go.. she still cares for me though but i dont know what else to do.. she still talks to him 2 to 3 times a week... please advise how to go about this
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your wife was never into this marriage and it became convenient for her to pursue a link with her ex-boyfriend once she found out about your past.
Everything that she does now being justified. You are right in putting your foot down, but have you seen a favorite toy being snatched away from a child? The need for that toy only gets stronger.
The way that you can counter this is by showering her with a lot of care and attention as I do gather that the two of you want this marriage. You want it as you are in love with your wife, she wants it as she has nowhere to go. Fair enough! The reasons right now might not be the same BUT someday with much love going into the relationship, the two of you can be on the same path.

Now, the question is: Are you willing to wait and pour more into the relationship? She will waver for a while going back and forth between you and that guy; it will hurt you...There will be a lot of anger and perhaps feelings of inadequacy in you, BUT you know that it's not the case. Can you persist on this journey? I sincerely believe that somewhere along the way, she is bound to stick by you when she realizes the stability that you can offer and that the sheen out there will wear out. Possible? Are you willing? If you are, go for it...Love, care, stability, security is something that is core in any marriage...be a part of it!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1679 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10231 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2025

Money
I have taken a home loan of 20 lakhs. The current principal amount is 15 lakhs with an interest rate of 9.1% and 188 installments remaining. My EMI is 21,904. If I take a personal loan of 15 lakhs at an interest rate of 10.8% for a tenure of 60 months, my home loan will be closed earlier, helping me avoid paying more interest. Is this a good idea? Please suggest the best option.
Ans: You are already thinking smart about reducing your total interest.
Paying attention to the cost of debt is the first step towards financial control.
Your idea of closing the home loan early shows good intent, but the method matters.

» Understanding your current home loan status
– Current principal outstanding is Rs 15 lakhs.
– Interest rate is 9.1% which is moderately high for a home loan.
– EMI is Rs 21,904 with 188 months left.
– This means a long repayment period and high total interest cost.

» Evaluating your personal loan proposal
– Personal loan interest is 10.8%, which is higher than your home loan rate.
– Even with a shorter tenure of 60 months, interest rate difference is significant.
– A shorter tenure reduces total interest years but increases EMI size.
– Personal loans also have stricter repayment schedules without prepayment flexibility like home loans.

» Comparing costs and risks
– Home loan interest is usually cheaper than personal loans.
– Here, your personal loan rate is higher, so monthly interest cost will rise.
– You will pay interest at 10.8% instead of 9.1%.
– Even if tenure is shorter, higher rate offsets some savings.
– There can also be personal loan processing fees, adding cost.

» Understanding prepayment advantages in your current loan
– Home loans allow part prepayment directly reducing principal.
– Prepayment in early years saves the most interest.
– You can use surplus income or yearly bonuses for lump sum payments.
– This keeps your rate lower than personal loan and still reduces tenure.

» Refinancing instead of personal loan
– You can check if a home loan balance transfer to another lender is possible.
– If you get 8%–8.5%, it will reduce interest cost without changing to personal loan.
– Many banks offer lower rates for balance transfer with minimal charges.

» Liquidity and financial safety
– Taking a big personal loan ties up cash flow in high EMI for 5 years.
– If income drops or expenses rise, personal loan EMIs are harder to manage.
– Home loans often have flexible prepayment and longer tenure adjustment.

» Using surplus income wisely
– Instead of replacing home loan with personal loan, use surplus to prepay home loan.
– Even extra Rs 5,000–10,000 monthly can close your loan years earlier.
– This keeps you in a lower interest environment and avoids extra charges.

» Tax benefits from home loan
– Home loan interest gives you deduction under income tax.
– Personal loan for home repayment will not give same benefit unless conditions are met.
– Losing this tax advantage will increase your net cost further.

» Emotional and psychological factors
– A shorter personal loan tenure may feel better due to quicker closure.
– But financially, paying higher interest rate for emotional relief is not wise.
– Better approach is to attack your home loan aggressively with extra payments.

» Building a prepayment strategy
– Fix a monthly prepayment amount from your surplus income.
– Make at least one large extra payment each year.
– Redirect windfall income like incentives, gifts, and maturity proceeds to the loan.
– Review the outstanding every 6 months to stay motivated.

» Protecting other financial goals
– Do not stop long-term investments completely for loan closure.
– Maintain emergency fund equal to 6 months expenses before any large prepayment.
– Keep term insurance cover equal to or more than your loan amount for family safety.

» Why personal loan is not the right switch here
– Interest rate is higher than your current loan.
– Loss of home loan tax benefit increases net cost.
– Processing charges and foreclosure costs add burden.
– Reduced flexibility in repayment compared to home loan.
– Higher EMI pressure may reduce your financial comfort.

» Alternative smart steps
– Check with your bank for rate reduction with a conversion fee.
– Explore balance transfer to a bank offering lower home loan rate.
– Build a strong prepayment habit to shorten tenure and save interest.
– Keep investments alive alongside prepayment for wealth creation.

» Finally
– Your intention to reduce interest outgo is correct.
– But switching to a personal loan at 10.8% will increase cost, not reduce it.
– Focus on lowering your current home loan rate and prepaying from surplus.
– Maintain liquidity and protect long-term goals while clearing debt faster.
– This path keeps your interest burden lower and your financial stability intact.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10231 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 13, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 12, 2025Hindi
Money
I have 30 lakh home loan my monthly income 60000 and my monthly emi 28000 and monthly expenses 15000 how I close earlier
Ans: You are already managing your money better than many people.
Your EMI and expenses are well balanced compared to your income.
This gives you a healthy surplus every month to close your loan faster.

» Understanding your present cash flow
– Your income is Rs 60,000 monthly.
– EMI is Rs 28,000, which is below 50% of income.
– Expenses are Rs 15,000, which is very reasonable.
– This leaves a monthly surplus of about Rs 17,000.
– This surplus is the key to early closure.

» Impact of surplus on loan tenure
– Using surplus for prepayment reduces the principal directly.
– Reduced principal lowers future interest outgo.
– Early prepayment gives maximum interest savings.
– Even small amounts paid regularly create big results over years.

» Deciding between monthly and yearly prepayment
– You can add surplus to EMI monthly as part prepayment.
– Or you can collect surplus for 3-6 months and pay lump sum.
– Both options work, but early and frequent payments save more.
– Choose the style that keeps you disciplined.

» Using bonuses and extra income
– Any yearly bonus can be used for lump sum prepayment.
– Tax refunds, incentives, or gifts should also be channelled here.
– This gives sudden big cuts to your outstanding balance.

» Maintaining lifestyle control
– Your expenses are already low, which is good.
– Avoid increasing lifestyle spending when salary increases.
– Channel salary hikes directly towards prepayment.
– Avoid new loans till current loan is cleared.

» Interest rate review and possible refinance
– Check if your interest rate is higher than market average.
– If yes, ask bank for reduction or consider refinancing.
– Even 0.5% drop in rate saves large amount over years.

» Balancing investments with prepayment
– If you have mutual fund SIPs, keep some allocation for future goals.
– But if loan closure is top priority, shift part of SIP to prepayment.
– Equity funds may offer higher returns, but returns are not guaranteed.
– Loan interest is a fixed cost, so paying it off is risk-free saving.

» Disadvantages of direct funds for investors like you
– Direct funds may have lower expense ratio but require constant review.
– You must track markets, sector rotation, and portfolio suitability.
– Most people cannot devote regular time to this.
– Investing through a regular plan with a Certified Financial Planner ensures review and discipline.

» Emergency fund before prepayment
– Keep at least 6 months of expenses ready in liquid assets.
– This protects you from job loss or emergencies.
– Do not use this fund for prepayment.

» Planning yearly targets
– Set a target amount for total extra payment in a year.
– Break it into smaller monthly or quarterly goals.
– Stick to these goals without fail.

» Monitoring progress regularly
– Track your loan outstanding every 6 months.
– See if your loan closure date is moving closer.
– Increase prepayment amount if you get extra income.

» Avoiding common mistakes
– Do not stop all investments to prepay faster, balance both.
– Avoid using retirement savings for loan closure.
– Do not prepay so much that you cannot meet regular expenses.

» Protecting your family during loan
– Take term insurance covering at least your loan amount.
– This ensures family is not burdened with repayment.

» Steps for next 5 years
– Year 1: Start monthly surplus prepayment without fail.
– Year 2: Add yearly bonus for lump sum prepayment.
– Year 3-4: Increase surplus use as income rises.
– Year 5: Target final closure with one last large payment.

» Emotional and financial benefits of early closure
– Freedom from debt reduces stress.
– You will have more money for other goals.
– It improves your credit profile for future needs.

» Finally
– Your high surplus makes early closure possible within a few years.
– Maintain strict expense control and use surplus wisely.
– Review interest rates regularly to reduce cost.
– Keep some investments alive for long-term goals.
– Protect your emergency fund before prepaying extra.
– Stay consistent, and you will be debt-free much earlier than the original term.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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