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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 12, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Juris Question by Juris on Apr 11, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

I'm poor communicator and don't know how to maintain relationships so I like this guy and I don't know if he like me bcse we don't talk but on my bday he sent me a song for me by my friends request and we messaged that's first time talking...and then we never talked he ignored and I also did being an introvert now we don't follow each other but there's always a tension

Ans: Dear Juris,
Be YOU but if being YOU is being rigid and not allowing you to socialize the way that leads to making bigger connections, then do something about it:)
Hobby classes, meet up groups for like minded individuals, gyms, writing clubs...are great places to meet new people and socialize. Initially you can piggy back with your friends till you slowly become your own chaperone.
So, go out there and while still being YOU, also know that's there's so much to life and the joy that people can bring into your life as much as you can in their lives:) Explore slowly but surely...
As for this guy, he's young and playing the social media scene his way at his level of maturity. Off and On connections, ghosting, constant texting...all these are part of these platforms...you will get used to it as unwanted as it may seem. You will learn to safeguard your sanity while you are on these platforms.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1267 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 10, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu; I had an altercation with a friend which was followed by him apologising about the same. The next day he stopped all communications completely. However when we met a month later he was absolutely sweet as if nothing had happened. At the same time he didn't keep much contact at all. He is very nice and courteous on watsapp and at other times when ee meet in person looks through me as if I dont exists at all. On phone whenever we have spoken with each other; he is absolutely charming. It is obvious that he doesnt want to be in touch. Let me add that there is no romance involved. Why do people behave the way they do? Hot one moment and cold the next? Its obvious he cannot stand me; but I wish he would stop playing games and be his normal self at all times. Keeping watsapp conversations charming but not interacting face to face is pretty confusing for me since I am straightforward person. Can you give your opinion regarding the same? Frankly speaking I feel he is a drama king and thrives on it. And honestly I dont really want to keep in touch but sometimes we do meet because of common friends. Just thought of asking you about this. Do some people always like to play mind games? Take care!
Ans: Dear Rajani,
Firstly let me put all your thoughts (assumptions) in one place. Assumptions are statements based on perceptions and not facts which sour connections and breaks relationships.
These have been picked from your question to me.
1. It is obvious that he doesn't want to be in touch
2. I wish he would stop playing games
3. I feel he is a drama king and thrives on it

This is your reading of the situations based on the way you have understood it. How much of this is true? Could it be your version of the truth?
Also, you have stated that you don't want to keep in touch; then why are you?
And if you really didn't want to, why is his playing games bothering you?
My suggestions:
1. Be clear if you want an association with him. If Yes, please clear out the air, so that there is no room for assumptions anymore.
2. Do understand that sometimes people are on eggshells after an altercation; he possibly is also carrying a lot of assumptions about you in his mind and that's why he's hot and cold alternatively.
3. Give the benefit of doubt to people; they might be going through something that you makes them behave in an odd way.
3. Drama King or not, there's a lot of unsaid discomfort between the two of you; do get into a non-judgemental space so even if the two of you don't patch up, it can be an amicable goodbye.

Steer away from assumptions and it makes room for either rebuilding a relationship or part ways on a good note.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |389 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I am working in an compnay since 4 yrs i had and friendship with my senior and he ia married but staying alone. His family was at native place. We both r maaried and we know about we had family but now we are in relationships since 3 years. As his family was not here i helped him in every manner in covid situtation. We know pur priority is family first. But since his family is here from one year last. He has stopped chatting talking to me. Only we are mostly having one side fight. He is now feeling irritation in talking to me normally also. During my job i m doing better than also everytime he feels irritated. I dont know what to do. Now he is saying he dont have time. He dont want to leave me. But stopped everything's. Only when he needs help he speaks to me or replies to message. I dont want to leave my job nor complaint to someone. What shoul i do dont understand. I have ensured him that i dont want him also to leave his family. Nor i want to leavemy family. I m confused what to do. I have done everything for him and now he has forgot evething. He says he love me he dont want to leave me. But at this situtation what should i do.
Ans: Hello Ms.
It's important to approach this with sensitivity and consideration for everyone involved. Understand that his family is a significant part of his life, and he may need time to adjust to the changes. Respect his commitments and responsibilities towards his family. Think about the long-term implications of the relationship. Consider whether it's sustainable in the current circumstances and whether it aligns with your personal values and priorities. Take some time to reflect on your own feelings and the dynamics of your relationship. Consider whether this situation is bringing you happiness and fulfillment, or if it's causing you distress. Establish clear boundaries in your relationship to ensure that both of you are comfortable and that these boundaries are respected. If he is feeling overwhelmed or stressed with the recent changes in his family situation, it might be helpful to give him some space. Encourage open communication make sure you both are on the same page about the nature of your relationship and the level of communication you both desire.Be prepared for the possibility that the relationship may need to change or come to an end. Reflect on your own priorities and boundaries. Ensure that your relationship doesn't negatively impact your personal and professional life. It's essential to maintain a healthy balance and focus on your own well-being. While this can be difficult, it's important to prioritize your own well-being and the well-being of everyone involved.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |390 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am female. I got attracted to this male. But it is not that much enough to fall in love. My friends thought that we will make a good pair. They kinda told me that he was in love with me for past one year. Due to the workplace he didnt reciprocate and to the close dates of my resignation due to my friends i told him that we can talk like a friends and we have to go with the flow. As of now we are talking and he is good. But still i am in dilemma. Due to my fear i told him that we wont work out and i stopped the conversation. But after some days he iniated the conversation and started to develop like a general talk. Later i told him that i liked him partially but not fully. He said that he will wait till i become comfortable. I dont have the oppurtunity to go out with him we are completely in chatting only. Sometimes i feel happy to chat with him but sometimes i dont feel anything i just feel numb. This is the first time for me in all the stuff. I told about this to my brother he didnt liked him. He know about my msgs and everything. But sometimes i think that i need better person than him but sometimes i need him. So what should i do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Seems like you are not quite in love with this person. Not everyone experiences love at first sight. Some love stories grow over time. You can try spending some more time with him and see where it goes. But if you are not satisfied with how strongly you feel for him or if you continue to feel that you deserve better, I strongly recommend giving it a thought. You don't want to settle for less out of peer pressure. And it would not be right to drag him and give him hope, especially since he has feelings for you.

There is no need to rush. Take your time. Think about it with a clear mind and make a choice.

Best Wishes.

..Read more

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Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2024
Money
Sir I am 47 years old and want to retire in next 2-3 years. My portfolio is as under FD-22 L MF-22 L. ( SIP of 33000 running) Gold--10 L EPF--24 L and App Gratuity -10 L Equity--10 L Rental Income -25000 per month from 80 Lacs flat. ( No loan pending now) 1 cr term plan and 10 l mediclaim running Parental House -2.5 cr and Land -2.5 cr. My son is studying in second year of engineering. And my monthly hone expense is not more than 30000-35000 per month. Can I afford to retire ?
Ans: It’s commendable that you've accumulated a diverse portfolio with a clear retirement goal. Let's evaluate if your current portfolio aligns with a secure retirement.

Portfolio Review and Income Assessment
Based on your retirement aspirations, let’s consider each component of your portfolio and its potential to generate sustainable income:

Fixed Deposits (FD): Rs 22 lakh
FD interest can serve as a steady income source, though it typically yields lower returns, which may not keep up with inflation over the long term.

Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 22 lakh, with a SIP of Rs 33,000
MFs offer potential growth and help combat inflation. Continuing your SIPs could grow this corpus further, providing higher returns than fixed-income sources.

Gold: Rs 10 lakh
Gold adds stability and can be liquidated if needed. However, it might not be the best primary income source.

Employee Provident Fund (EPF): Rs 24 lakh and Gratuity Approx Rs 10 lakh
EPF and gratuity offer safe post-retirement funds. When you withdraw, they can be used as a source of regular income or reinvested for returns.

Equity Investments: Rs 10 lakh
Your equity investments add growth potential. Over time, this can be a crucial source to combat inflation.

Rental Income: Rs 25,000 per month
Rental income provides a consistent cash flow, covering a large portion of your monthly expenses. This income will be valuable post-retirement to meet regular needs.

Expense and Income Projection
With monthly expenses at Rs 30,000–35,000, and rental income already covering most of these costs, your current lifestyle is well supported. However, to retire comfortably, a buffer for healthcare, travel, and inflation is necessary.

Strategy for Retirement Readiness
Based on your assets and expected needs, here’s a recommended approach to secure a steady retirement income:

Mutual Fund Strategy
Continuing your SIPs for the next 2-3 years will help grow your corpus further. Consider moving part of the equity-based mutual funds into debt funds close to retirement to reduce risk while generating returns.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
At retirement, you can initiate an SWP from your mutual fund corpus, providing a steady income. This strategy allows capital appreciation with controlled withdrawals, reducing the risk of prematurely depleting your funds.

Fixed Deposit Laddering
To maximise interest rates and ensure liquidity, consider a laddering strategy with your FDs. This will help meet emergency needs and take advantage of better rates.

Rental Income
Your rental income of Rs 25,000 is a reliable source. To protect it, ensure the property remains well-maintained and consider lease renewals with trusted tenants to maintain stability.

Contingency for Healthcare and Son’s Education
Health Insurance: Rs 10 lakh
Assess your current health cover, especially considering rising medical costs. A top-up or super top-up plan could add an extra layer of protection.

Son’s Education
Your son’s education may require additional funding. Any shortfall could be met by partial liquidation of non-core assets, like gold or FDs, if needed.

Estate and Legacy Planning
Your parental house and land provide substantial long-term security. Though not income-generating immediately, they offer future flexibility if liquidated or rented.

Final Insights
Your assets, income sources, and low monthly expenses indicate a strong readiness for retirement. With minor adjustments for healthcare and education, you can comfortably meet your goals. Continuing your current SIPs for the next few years and optimising your FD and MF corpus will help sustain your income post-retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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