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Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 30, 2021

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more

Question by AJ on Dec 30, 2021Hindi

Hi Love Guru,
I love sex talk with my girlfriend, but she does not like it.
She thinks it is a bad thing to do.
We are from a small town and she is conservative-minded.
How do I convince her that sex talk is good and healthy?
AJ

Ans:

Hi, AJ.

I’ll give you the same advice as Anonymous in the question last week; like his wife, your girlfriend is not comfortable with dirty talk because she thinks it’s immoral.

The first thing you need to do is change her mindset about sex or anything sex-related being dirty or forbidden. As long as it’s consensual and behind closed doors, it’s not for anyone else to judge.

You can maybe introduce her to opinions online from sex therapists and counsellors who encourage couples to be adventurous and spice things up in the bedroom.

If, however, despite everything, she’s still not on board, I’d suggest not forcing her.

Dear Love Guru,
I’ve been seeing this really great guy for six months.
Both of us are divorcees.
I am 32, he is 40.
He has two kids -- 10 and 12 -- and shared custody. I’ve not met their mother. Though she knows about me, I don’t know what she thinks.
My boyfriend and I are seriously talking marriage.
We’ve met each other’s families and things are fine at that end.
But I am still worried about the children, whether they can accept me as their father’s wife, how do I become their parent without becoming their mother and how their reaction will affect our relationship. They only know me as a good friend of their father’s as of now.
Am I treading dangerous ground by thinking of going ahead with this?
What if they hate me when they come to know? Will their dislike destroy our relationship?
Please keep this anonymous.

Your fears are well-founded, and yes, I definitely think that before marrying their father, the children need to be informed of the role you play in his life and have time to get used to the idea of you being a couple.

Divorce is hard on kids and the additional baggage of a step-parent is harder.

You need to come to terms with the fact that they may resent your presence and take time to warm up to you. Their mother may also be anxious about the role you’ll play in their lives.

A lot of dynamics are to be handled here and, rather than dive into marriage and tackle these problems later, I think you should tackle them first.

That said, if your relationship is worth it, you’ll both find a way to work this out.

Lots of children share a good relationship with their step-parents.

It will be a challenge initially, but I know of kids who have gone on to have closer bonds with their step-parents than their biological ones.

I really think that to help all of you transition into a modern blended family, though, that a family therapist’s expertise is required. Please consult one.

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