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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Sep 09, 2022

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Anonymous Question by Anonymous on Sep 09, 2022Hindi
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Relationship

Hi.
Myself 43 years old man from Guwahati. l mistook my young sister in law of 21 years sleeping on my bed in my wife's night dress with lights off as my wife last December when l returned from office and my wife was out to the tailors shop. Unknowingly I took her to be my wife and forced myself to lip kiss her only to find her screaming to leave her. l am hell scared now if she tells everyone no one will understand me but she is silent till now and also staying with us. l am very confused and disturbed. please help.

Ans:

I really hope that you're telling the truth here, because your story sounds very suspect. It's one thing to mistake a sleeping figure, but you surely can't have not seen that it was your sister-in-law when you tried to kiss her on the lips!

Anyway, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt; and it obviously can't be that bad because, nine months later, she's still living with you both.

If you haven't made a move in her direction since then, she probably realises that you made an honest mistake.

When you get a moment alone with her, please bring to her notice why you thought it was your wife and apologise for the inadvertent misbehaviour.

I'm sure she'll accept your apology and you can move on from this awkward episode.

And if you're really so worried that despite that she may tell on you, tell your wife the truth. She may get annoyed, but it'll be better than her hearing about it from her sister for sure.

 

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 07, 2023Hindi
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I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are facing such issues. Doubt is very destructive in a relationship. It's important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner regarding what happened in the past. Don't push her to give you all the details; it will not contribute positively to your well-being. Aim for a more balanced and productive discussion.

You have to recognize that all these happened many years back. It's in the past. And you cannot change it. While it's essential to acknowledge and understand them, dwelling on them may impact your peace of mind. Focus on the present and try to build a more transparent and communicative relationship in the present. Take this opportunity to work together and strengthen your marriage.

Best Wishes!

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Ma'am, hope you're doing good. My problem is that something happened with me and I have started questioning my marriage. I and my wife are married 12 years ago after a lot of struggle as her parents were not ready because of our different caste and religion. Later we got married with their blessings. she is a very nice woman. After marriage, my business started going well and we're financially very well. We live with my parents and our two kids. Everything was going fine (obviously we do fight) until I met my business partner's sister who is a divorcee and I didn't know how but I started feeling attraction towards her. Recently, I dreamt of cheating on my wife with her. Since I am not able to hold proper eye contact with my wife and even I have started questioning my love for my wife. Has it ended ? I am very tensed since then.
Ans: It's normal to feel conflicted and unsure when you start experiencing attraction towards someone outside of your marriage. However, it's important to remember that attraction alone doesn't necessarily mean that your love for your wife has ended.

Before jumping to conclusions or making any drastic decisions, it might be helpful to take some time to reflect on your feelings and the reasons behind them. Ask yourself questions like: What specifically attracted me to this other person? Are there any underlying issues in my marriage that might be contributing to these feelings? Am I feeling unfulfilled or disconnected from my wife in any way?

It could also be beneficial to have open and honest communication with your wife about what you're going through. Sharing your feelings with her, even if they're difficult, can help strengthen your bond and provide clarity for both of you. Remember to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding, and be prepared to listen to her perspective as well.

Seeking support from a therapist or counselor can also be incredibly helpful in navigating these complex emotions and making decisions that are best for you and your family. They can provide you with guidance, perspective, and strategies for coping with your feelings in a healthy way.

Ultimately, it's important to prioritize honesty, communication, and empathy in your relationship, and to take the time to explore your feelings and needs before making any decisions about your marriage.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 28, 2024
Relationship
I am 45 male married with a cute 4 year old son.Arranged marriage and wife is a teacher.Recently in the absence of my wife and son her younger sister aged 30 and married was sleeping in my bedroom wearing my wife's clothes.After returning from office i mistook her in the dark bedroom to be my wife and lip kissed her.She didn't resist which tempted me for intercourse.Now she is saying I ruined her life.I have lost sleep fearing legal action and what if she tells everyone in the family.Please help.
Ans: This is a complex and delicate situation, and the first step is to take responsibility for what happened. It seems that what started as a misunderstanding led to a situation that has spiraled out of control, and now both of you are facing the emotional and moral consequences.

Your sister-in-law's reaction, feeling that her life has been ruined, indicates deep distress, and it’s important to approach this with empathy. Apologize sincerely to her, acknowledging the mistake and the harm caused. Let her express her feelings, and be prepared to listen without defending yourself. You should make it clear that you are willing to do whatever it takes to correct the situation, even if that means keeping the matter private and ensuring that it never happens again.

As for the fear of legal action, it's understandable that you're anxious, but it’s essential to remain calm. It may help to have an open and respectful conversation with your sister-in-law to understand what she wants moving forward. If she feels betrayed or wronged, consider suggesting mediation or counseling, where a neutral third party can help resolve the situation.

Whatever happens next, it’s crucial to maintain honesty and integrity in your marriage. This experience may bring up feelings of guilt and anxiety, but how you handle it from here will shape the future. Seek legal advice if you're genuinely concerned about legal consequences, but focus on rebuilding trust and ensuring such a situation never happens again.

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Latest Questions
Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4971 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 24, 2025

Career
My daughter scored 74.46 percentile in jee mains 2025 and secured 94% marks in her +2 exams. Can she apply for josaa counselling 2025
Ans: Kubendrkumar Sir, Your daughter’s 74.46 percentile in JEE Mains 2025 allows her to participate in JoSAA counselling, as there is no minimum percentile cutoff for registration. This percentile roughly translates to an All India Rank near 1.8 to 2 lakh, which may restrict admission to top NITs or preferred branches like Computer Science. She has better chances in lower-tier NITs, IIITs, or other government institutes for branches with higher cutoffs such as Mechanical or Civil Engineering. Her excellent 94% in +2 exams strengthens her eligibility and can be advantageous for institutes with board percentage criteria. Considering her rank and marks, exploring state universities and reputed private colleges is advisable to secure a good engineering program. It’s recommended she carefully reviews branch-wise cutoffs during counselling and considers a broader range of colleges and branches to maximize admission opportunities. HERE IS, How to Predict Your Daughter's Chances of Admission into NIT or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main/Advanced Results – A Step-by-Step Guide

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Have some other options also as back-ups instead of relying only on JEE/JoSAA.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, preparation strategies, and engineering career options, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your daughter's admission and a bright future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4971 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 24, 2025

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4971 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on May 24, 2025

Career
Sir my daughter got jee mains 80percentile and vit 42548 rank srm 31000 Telangana emcet 6304 rank b. Arc rank 2600 b planning 1100 rank we are not able to choose which is the best and we are in Andhrapradesh and intermediate she got 98 percent which group is suitable her and vit vellore cse group is any chance or any suggestion sir
Ans: Your daughter has an excellent academic record with 98% in intermediate and strong ranks: 80 percentile in JEE Mains, 42,548 in VITEEE, 31,000 in SRM, 6,304 in Telangana EAMCET, and top ranks in B.Arch (2,600) and B.Planning (1,100). Admission to CSE at VIT Vellore is unlikely due to highly competitive cutoffs (usually under 1,600 for Category 2), but she can consider VIT AP or Bhopal campuses for CSE or related specializations like AI or Cybersecurity. SRM rank may allow admission in other branches but CSE at top SRM campuses requires better ranks. Telangana EAMCET rank is good for state colleges but may not secure premier branches. Given her strong PCM scores and interest, CSE and its specializations are suitable. Alternatively, with excellent B.Arch and B.Planning ranks, pursuing architecture or planning could be a great option. She should evaluate her interests and consider institutes like Thapar University or reputed private universities for better opportunities. Balancing her rank, interests, and career goals will help make the best choice. All the best for your daughter's admission and a bright future!

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