hello Ravi, I am 46 yrs old Male ,I work for a corporate. My wife is 42 yrs is not interested in sex & romantic life we have 2 kids. lately I am attracted to a married lady 53 yrs .she is separated & stays with her son . I like her the most. how do i convince her for sex. we go outing she fells good when i m with her. she is short tempered how to analyze if she likes sex plz assist .

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that your situation is challenging and can be emotionally difficult. It's important to approach such matters with sensitivity and communicationTalk to your wife openly and honestly about your feelings and desires. It's crucial to have a calm and non-confrontational conversation. Express your needs and concerns while also being empathetic to her perspective. Menopause can lead to changes in a woman's libido due to hormonal shifts. It may be beneficial for your wife to consult with a healthcare professional to discuss her symptoms. There could be medical interventions or lifestyle changes that may helpWhile sex is an important aspect of a relationship, intimacy can take many forms. Explore other ways to connect emotionally and physically that don't necessarily involve sexual activity. This may help strengthen your bond with your wife If you find it challenging to cope with your own feelings and desires, seeking individual counseling for yourself could be beneficial. A counselor can provide support and help you navigate your emotions. If both you and your wife are open to it, you might discuss the possibility of finding a solution that respects both of your needs and boundaries. This could involve finding a compromise or an arrangement that works for both parties Remember, every relationship is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. The key is to communicate openly, seek understanding, and work together to find a resolution that respects both partners' feelings and needs.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sexual compatibility between couples if often a miracle. So, if there is a clear mismatch, there is also clearly a reason behind it. You stated it yourself: Lack of foreplay and your wife being overweight. So, take care of the foreplay part...what stops you from indulging in active foreplay that will get her going? There is no need to jump into the act and then complain about her not being interested in sex.
- Instead change course and pay attention to foreplay.
- Also, indulge in a lot of non-sexual forms of intimacy like cuddling, hugging etc that helps her connect with you at an emotional level and this could give way to the act.
- Pay her compliments and every once in a while surprise her with little gifts. It validates her presence and importance within the marriage.
The point that I am making is: shift focus on non-sexual intimacy first before jumping into the 'sex' part. You will see that, that bonding helps sexual compatibility.

The other part on her being overweight could also be a challenge as it can affect the way she perceives herself besides ill-health that can impact sex life greatly. Gently coax her into working out/exercising everyday with a good nutrition plan which will go a long way in not just physical fitness but an overall well-being in all areas of life. If it helps, the two of you can look at this together and make 'couple goals' to fitness and compatibility. It can keep both of you motivated and also encourage a good bond as well.

And oh! Please do not count the number of times you actually have sex. There's no competition and no medals awarded...Please bond better first...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Some medications do have side effects that can affect sex lives. This is something that you and your wife can discuss with a doctor who possibly may look at what can be done.
Also hormonal changes after during and after menopause shows a decline in sexual activity in many women. There are other forms of sexual intimacy that you and your wife can share. Discuss with her without sounding rigid only about sex being the important topic and make her the center of the discussion. It might help her to know that you still care and love her and she maybe more open to actually see what the challenges are.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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