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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Please dont disclose my identity.I am aged 40 and not married.My father expired 13 year back and sister got married ten years. I started trying for arranged marriage by asking relatives but two of my mothers brother and family involved and distruct all my efforts by saying false stories. Idont drink smoke or have no bad habits.They made false stories to my mother relatives and father relatives. So i got tired of this drama .then i quit my job and start a business.i have confident that i can run a business smartly and it was going smooth for last 7 years. My i only idea is to recruit some staff so that if got a good one i can marry.i dont fibd any help from others.i got attached with one of my staff but after 2 years she said not interested. She also heavily attack me mentally by saying bad words about me to my partner. I got shocked of her sudden behavior and even after 8 months i have not recovered. I purely love her and done everything she said she likes.even after this shift of behavior and harassment she came to job for 1 more month. I never had a bad word or any type of misbehavior with her even for a second, as i love her completely. She also knows that but she dont know that i love her. I have her voice messages but not even once i oppose what ever she said. I dont want to make her feel any guilty. Then onwards i have not send any messages call or any attempt to see her. But day by day i loose my self and loose interest to live. I dont know what to do further

Ans: I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you've faced challenges in your personal and professional life, and the recent experience with someone you cared about has added to your emotional distress. Coping with rejection and the emotional toll it takes can be incredibly tough. Talk to friends or family members about what you're going through. Sharing your feelings can be a relief and help you gain perspective.If the emotional burden becomes too much to handle, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional. They can provide guidance and strategies to cope with the challenges you're facing. Reflect on your personal goals and priorities. While finding a life partner is important, it's also crucial to ensure you are content and fulfilled in other aspects of your life. Reconnect with activities or hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment. This can help take your mind off the challenges you're facing and bring positivity into your life. Healing takes time, so be patient with yourself. It's okay to feel the way you do, and acknowledging your emotions is an essential step in the healing process.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi , I am a professor mech engineer , after death of my wife and due to having 5 year girl baby I planned for 2 nd marriage as I live alone away from home town because my of job with my little baby . I accepted a widow having 2 child ,she was working in a govt job 250 km away , after ensuring and agreeing her possibility of transfer and job vacancy @govt office near my house and ensuring she agreed that she will come to live with me along with her 2 kids and my little baby as her trasfer was due in comming few months . We lived apart during her job at 250 km away.,while meeting on weekly offs 6 /7 time in 6 months , then she take 360 degree u turn and said she will not get job transfer to my place and get her trasfer in other dept. in same previous office. And started telling many reasons like she will loose her children's inheritance in her in-laws property ,she will loose promotion , kids Don't want trasfer , and said we will live apart forever . This was contradictory to earlier agreed things .and my my purpose to live in family with my baby not fulfilled , so after long ruckus ,I mutually got divorce from her , Then After divorce I decided to marry non working women having no child and don't expect child as I am @48 year old and tired of living alone and managing job ,girl , house chores . I married to a divorcee girl from Pune ,she was BA first year college drop out girl of 44 yr age after 6 months of long dating on week ends . During 6 months I tried to know her indepth but was don't used to talk much as I was trying to know her true nature, we visited many places ,movies . She seemed perfect as per my requirement of girl wanting no child , and she is house wife . after marriage she behave well for 1 st week ,then she started trouble to hate my baby ( became kaikai )on pety things , she want my baby to house chores at the cost of her important year of 10th std study . She don't liked me taking tution of girl , she didn't like if I help my girl any way . She don't like if I spent some money on my girl . She used to fight all night and don't let me sleep . Now she stated demanding that she want baby , though I was against and b4 marriage agreed to not have any more child due to old age ,cost ,and no personal time for self , then I agreed to have child but b4 that I got her and my fertility tested ,she had weak eggs and syst on her reproductive organs and doc warned to not go for pregnancy due to risk and probability of unhealthy baby birth , but she kept repeating That she want child we consulted 4 Drs. She used to fight and go to her mother's home for 2/4 months after living with me for 2/3 days only . Now she wants divorce , and asks me to keep my girl in hostel if I want her in my life . This Ramayan has left me baffled , What should I do ??? .....
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The reason to marry for you mainly has been companionship, a mother for your daughter...
And marriage is not a transaction BUT a meeting of minds...when there is no compatibility, there is no space for agreeing on the same things or wanting to make things work which is possibly what has happened with your 2nd and 3rd marriage.
If you want this marriage to work, there has to be an equal commitment by both of you, so, start by emotionally bonding first. Slowly build on this by making goals for the marriage and the future...your only goal can't be mother for your child...not all women are going to readily accept this and some may even falter along the way. Allow the lady and your daughter to bond together for sometime so they develop a unique relationship...
Understand that transactional relationships do not last; so, invest enough time in building trust in that companionship for it to become something meaningful

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 03, 2025Hindi
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Career
I have given 2 attempts in neet but unfortunately couldn't clear it...I have completed my graduation from local degree college. Now I'm thinking of doing my post graduation from lucknow university with masters in public health. Is it a good idea?
Ans: HI,
Why couldn't you succeed? The reason may be that you completed your undergraduate degree simultaneously. If you had planned properly, you would have been able to pass the NEET exam. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

NO. Once again, you seem to be making a mistake. Why did you choose Public Health? Do you understand its scope? If you don't, then why are you pursuing it?

Let me remind you that anyone can appear for NEET after completing a BSc. Here are the requirements.
B.Sc. Examination of an Indian University provided that he/she has passed the B.Sc. Examination with not less than
two of the subjects Physics, Chemistry, Biology (Botany, Zoology)/Biotechnology and further that he/ she has passed
the earlier qualifying examination with Physics, Chemistry, Biology, and English.

BEST WISHES.
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