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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 11, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
Relationship

Hi Ashish ji Good day , My relationship started in 2017 was 27 then , We met in office she was 23 and then it blossomed and when it started getting serious i told him that i suffer from a chronic condition of Spondylitis & had some limitation of flexibility in upper spine & also told her that as per Doctors condition cannot be cured and my spine will be like this only and will get worse as it is a progressive disease and will involve other joints also because i did not wanted to hide anything from her as im a pure and truthful person at heart and this was my first relationship with any girl she accepted and said does not matter we will try our best to solve this but all these i was so down by the negative consultations by doctors that it will worse & medication had side effects that in mind i thought i will never get better and accepted to live with pain and told her this also but she seemed very positive and said we try to get it better , After 6 months working we both joined new companies , We also used to fight because she was a little immuature and used to fight for silly reasons and i used to tell if you want to leave relationship you can because i was already under pain but deep down from my heart never wanted to leave her this highs and lows went and in 2019 she cheated on me with a office colleague which she herself expressed to me and beg for pardon since i used to love her i accepted her for that she used to have a bf also before me which she already broke up with before meeting me My condition got worse in 2019,2020 due to work pressure but still was able to work and never took long leave she also tried to get me better by motivating me and i also supported her in her life , Then in 2021 she told her parents about me and a meeting was fixed her parents were not happy after seeing my condition which was visible she fight with her parents for me , I aksed them for some time and i did whatever to improve my condition and indeed in all these 18 years of suffering my condition got improved it used to pain less and i was becoming more active and our engagement was done and marrige was fixed But things started to getting worse between us after involvement of families since it was intercaste marrige not she frequent used to taunt me about my condtion that her family was suffering because of me and such things where was your family all these years and why they did not support you in this disease which used to make me feel very bad my family is my utmost importance as they supported me everytime right from the costly medications , academics etc in anger i said some bad words to her which i lament i even went to home crying to forgive and do not broke marriage but she blocked me my no from all social site and said she want to move on and her family broke the marriage and she said i only professionally supported her before marriage i can only support her on her work , health only Was it my fault to be true and tell her everything I did not used to buy her gifts but i told her i will be there with you like a rock whenever you need me My style of love is we support and respect each other to grow in life,have mutual respect and these materialistics things hardly matter It is almost 4 monhts now she blocked i still cannot forget her we had a 6 years relationship Im 33 now and don't want to get married as i don't think i will forget her i contacted her though email and gave my wishes to her but did not have any reply How can be so rude & cold atleast she could have said to me a good luck after showing so much care for 6 years Is this how relationship works i wonder have to leave my innocence at heart and be practical What should i do now , my health condition has also got improved when she left me but mentally i have not forgoten her , I still wish her good luck Please advise it is killing me from inside is this how the world works was i wrong in tellling her everything true

Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling upset and hurt about the way your relationship ended. Relationships can be complex and sometimes even the most well-intended individuals can have different perspectives and desires.

It's not clear from your description what exactly went wrong between you and your former partner. However, it seems like there were a number of factors that contributed to the breakdown of your relationship, including differences in communication and expectations, conflicts with her family, and her own personal issues.

It's not your fault that you were honest and truthful with her about your health condition. Honesty is important in any relationship, and it's commendable that you were upfront with her about your chronic condition. However, it's also important to recognize that not everyone is equipped to handle the challenges that come with a chronic condition, and it's okay to acknowledge that.

As for what to do now, it's important to give yourself time to heal and process your emotions. Try to focus on taking care of yourself and doing things that bring you joy and fulfillment. It's okay to reach out to her again if you feel like you want closure or to apologize for any hurtful things you may have said, but be prepared for the possibility that she may not respond or that the outcome may not be what you hope for.

It's also important to keep in mind that relationships don't always work out, and that's okay. You can learn and grow from this experience, and with time and effort, you can move forward and find happiness and love again. Just remember to be kind to yourself and to take things one day at a time.

Please remeber that just because one person or one situation turned this, it does not mean that the world is like that. It takes all sorts of people to make the world. See your own example. There are more people like you who prefer being with people like them. Honest, straight and loving. There is much more to life than just one past relationship. Look forward. If required, look for a life coach and he will help you get ahead.

Best Wishes

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 06, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hi Anu Good day , My relationship started in 2017 was 27 then , We met in office she was 23 and then it blossomed and when it started getting serious i told him that i suffer from a chronic condition of Spondylitis & had some limitation of flexibility in upper spine & also told her that as per Doctors condition cannot be cured and my spine will be like this only and will get worse as it is a progressive disease and will involve other joints also because i did not wanted to hide anything from her as im a pure and truthful person at heart and this was my first relationship with any girl she accepted and said does not matter we will try our best to solve this but all these i was so down by the negative consultations by doctors that it will worse & medication had side effects that in mind i thought i will never get better and accepted to live with pain and told her this also but she seemed very positive and said we try to get it better , After 6 months working we both joined new companies , We also used to fight because she was a little immuature and used to fight for silly reasons and i used to tell if you want to leave relationship you can because i was already under pain but deep down from my heart never wanted to leave her this highs and lows went and in 2019 she cheated on me with a office colleague which she herself expressed to me and beg for pardon since i used to love her i accepted her for that she used to have a bf also before me which she already broke up with before meeting me My condition got worse in 2019,2020 due to work pressure but still was able to work and never took long leave she also tried to get me better by motivating me and i also supported her in her life , Then in 2021 she told her parents about me and a meeting was fixed her parents were not happy after seeing my condition which was visible she fight with her parents for me , I aksed them for some time and i did whatever to improve my condition and indeed in all these 18 years of suffering my condition got improved it used to pain less and i was becoming more active and our engagement was done and marrige was fixed But things started to getting worse between us after involvement of families since it was intercaste marrige not she frequent used to taunt me about my condtion that her family was suffering because of me and such things where was your family all these years and why they did not support you in this disease which used to make me feel very bad my family is my utmost importance as they supported me everytime right from the costly medications , academics etc in anger i said some bad words to her which i lament i even went to home crying to forgive and do not broke marriage but she blocked me my no from all social site and said she want to move on and her family broke the marriage and she said i only professionally supported her before marriage i can only support her on her work , health only Was it my fault to be true and tell her everything I did not used to buy her gifts but i told her i will be there with you like a rock whenever you need me My style of love is we support and respect each other to grow in life,have mutual respect and these materialistics things hardly matter It is almost 4 monhts now she blocked i still cannot forget her we had a 6 years relationship Im 33 now and don't want to get married as i don't think i will forget her i contacted her though email and gave my wishes to her but did not have any reply How can be so rude & cold atleast she could have said to me a good luck after showing so much care for 6 years Is this how relationship works i wonder have to leave my innocence at heart and be practical What should i do now , my health condition has also got improved when she left me but mentally i have not forgoten her , I still wish her good luck Please advise it is killing me from inside is this how the world works was i wrong in tellling her everything true
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Isn't it proof enough that you physically feel better after the break-up that you both are better without each other?
And to answer your doubts on whether it was foolish/wrong of you to speak the truth? NO, you were absolutely truthful and for some reason if she didn't find the person behind all it in you, then she isn't the one for you.
Quit mulling over someone who does not respect your space and identity.
Family involvement and then the engagement only put her deeper into coming close to reality and she was possibly was never ready to be committed to you and your truth. And honestly, it's not possible for everyone to take on a challenge within a marriage.
So, if she decided to go ahead and move on, and you also feel better health-wise, it's only a matter of you giving this a positive spin in your mind to start to feel better.
What would have happened if the challenges started after marriage?
What if she had walked out after the marriage?
Look at the bright side and be happy for yourself and her too. It gives you both to lead your own lives on your own terms.
Easier said than done; but focus on your health and be truthful as always and the right person who understands you and your truth will step in.
All the best!
(more)
Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 27, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 08, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hi , My relationship started in 2017 was 27 then , We met in office she was 23 and then it blossomed and when it started getting serious i told him that i suffer from a chronic condition of Spondylitis & had some limitation of flexibility in upper spine & also told her that as per Doctors condition cannot be cured and my spine will be like this only and will get worse as it is a progressive disease and will involve other joints also because i did not wanted to hide anything from her as im a pure and truthful person at heart and this was my first relationship with any girl she accepted and said does not matter we will try our best to solve this but all these i was so down by the negative consultations by doctors that it will worse & medication had side effects that in mind i thought i will never get better and accepted to live with pain and told her this also but she seemed very positive and said we try to get it better , After 6 months working we both joined new companies , We also used to fight because she was a little immuature and used to fight for silly reasons and i used to tell if you want to leave relationship you can because i was already under pain but deep down from my heart never wanted to leave her this highs and lows went and in 2019 she cheated on me with a office colleague which she herself expressed to me and beg for pardon since i used to love her i accepted her for that she used to have a bf also before me which she already broke up with before meeting me My condition got worse in 2019,2020 due to work pressure but still was able to work and never took long leave she also tried to get me better by motivating me and i also supported her in her life , Then in 2021 she told her parents about me and a meeting was fixed her parents were not happy after seeing my condition which was visible she fight with her parents for me , I aksed them for some time and i did whatever to improve my condition and indeed in all these 18 years of suffering my condition got improved it used to pain less and i was becoming more active and our engagement was done and marrige was fixed But things started to getting worse between us after involvement of families since it was intercaste marrige not she frequent used to taunt me about my condtion that her family was suffering because of me and such things where was your family all these years and why they did not support you in this disease which used to make me feel very bad my family is my utmost importance as they supported me everytime right from the costly medications , academics etc in anger i said some bad words to her which i lament i even went to home crying to forgive and do not broke marriage but she blocked me my no from all social site and said she want to move on and her family broke the marriage and she said i only professionally supported her before marriage i can only support her on her work , health only Was it my fault to be true and tell her everything I did not used to buy her gifts but i told her i will be there with you like a rock whenever you need me My style of love is we support and respect each other to grow in life,have mutual respect and these materialistics things hardly matter It is almost 4 monhts now she blocked i still cannot forget her we had a 6 years relationship Im 33 now and don't want to get married as i don't think i will forget her i contacted her though email and gave my wishes to her but did not have any reply How can be so rude & cold atleast she could have said to me a good luck after showing so much care for 6 years Is this how relationship works i wonder have to leave my innocence at heart and be practical What should i do now , my health condition has also got improved when she left me but mentally i have not forgoten her , I still wish her good luck Please advise it is killing me from inside is this how the world works was i wrong in tellling her everything true
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. It sounds like you were very honest with your partner about your chronic condition and limitations from the very beginning of your relationship. Despite some ups and downs, you were able to maintain a loving relationship for six years.

However, it seems that after you both shared your plans of marriage with your families, things took a negative turn. Your partner's family disapproved of your medical condition and she started to say hurtful things about it as well. Unfortunately, you both said hurtful things to each other in anger and your relationship ended.

It's understandable that you are struggling to move on, given the time you spent together and the depth of your feelings. It's good to hear that your health has improved, but it's important to also take care of your mental and emotional health.

It's unfortunate that your partner has not responded to your email, but it's possible that she needs more time and space to process her own feelings. It's important to respect her boundaries and give her the time she needs.

In terms of your own healing, it may be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist. It's okay to feel hurt and it's important to take the time to grieve the loss of your relationship. As for whether you were wrong in telling her everything true, it's important to be honest in relationships, but it's also important to communicate in a way that is respectful and understanding. It's possible that your partner may have been overwhelmed by your condition and the pressure from her family, which may have led to some of the hurtful things she said.

Ultimately, it's important to take care of yourself and prioritize your own well-being. You deserve to be with someone who accepts and supports you for who you are, including any medical conditions or limitations.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |825 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 26, 2023

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Relationship
Hi Anu Myself 38 Male, Government Employee and married. I married to a girl in 2013 as per chosen by my parents. Prior to marriage, I was in relationship of 6 years, but could not marry due to caste differences. Its a bit long story. In last december 2021, a women, 9.5 years elder to me, initiated relationship and proposed me. After few initial days, her husband expired, who was 60 years at the time of death. After her proposal, I accepted it, although, she was in another relationship with a man of 27 years continuously, on the pretext that her husband used to drink, and do not use to work and often used to cast her away from home and that man took care of her and her children. When she entered in my life, I inquired about that and she told me that that man is just friend now, as that man took care of her and her children. One strange thing that came into my mind that women told me that man left her as he got involved in another women and that man is only for doing household and outside chores, and nothing else. How come a person remain in relationship obviously being aware of other partner infidelity. One particular strange I like to share with you that when I met her for first time at her home, as there was no body else, she was with her female friend and that man came to her house, around 10 pm. When she got to know that that man is coming, she hurriedly asked me to leave the house for some 1 and half hours and then come back as she told me that her uncle is coming to pay a visit. I came to know about that man around 10 february, 2021. I totally relied on her conversation that he is only acquaintances now and no more a lover and she totally loves me. After that, she loved me a lot, had physical relationship and she told me that she wanted to live the rest of her life with me. Seeing her love, I also accepted her fully and totally. That other man remained in her life, apart from husband, for the last 27 years. But she used to say ill about him, like he looted her money, got involved with other women, despite her. That used to make me very sceptic thinking that she must be having feeling for him, as together for 27 years is very long time. But her problem is that she is too sceptic a person. she cannot tolerate a name of any women from my lips, let alone my sister. She used to doubt my concern towards her daughter as her daughter is younger to her and I might fall for her daughter. I clearly told her that your daughter is like my daughter. Recently, she started to doubt about my sister in law. I took the oath of all the Gods and my children, but she brushed aside all my Oaths. This was going on from 28 May to 27 June, 2023. She levelled all the filthy allegation that I was having the sight on her daughter and on my sister in law. I also came in rage. She was in the mode of character assassination and I did not take that lightly. I expressed all my displeasure and anger on her and finally, on 27 June, 2023, I blocked her from whatsapp and phone. She is kind of person who would show off about her materialistic things, her status, but in reality, in her bad times, when she was not having any money, I took care of her, her ration and money problems. But being sceptic about relationship with my sister in law, who is just 22 and I call her beta, she was adamant in proving that I was having relationship with my sister in law. She was such a possessive person that she even cannot tolerate my wife with me. She called on my wife phone saying that she is talking from Bank etc. But now, my wife is almost certain that I am having affair. I relied on her thinking that i should give life a second change. But now, I am regretting in relying on that women words. I have blocked her, but she is not trying to contact me from other phones. Help..
Ans: Dear Harish,
You seem to be running after a woman who either cheats or lies or both. From what you have described this lady wants it all from you but will be who she is and not change.
Doesn't all this look like a red flag to you? What more should she do for you to know that she is unsure about herself and you as well?

And because of all this drama, you don't have the time, energy and inclination to give your marriage a fair chance. Why should your wife be at the receiving end of all this drama? Does she not have the right to know and also have the option of deciding if she wants to continue in the marriage or not?

It's time you re-evaluate your life and PAUSE. Take a wise decision that is good for you and your life in the long-term. Riding on emotions mindlessly only means anyone can take advantage of your vulnerabilities and 'use' you which obviously will not feel good at all. So, be wise...

All the best!
(more)
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |88 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

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I worked for a private PMC company with appointment letter later after four months they were unable to pay salary and assured us by mails and what's up messages that, they are having some financial problems and requested to continue and pending salaries would be released soon and later stopped taking calls, We have resigned but they have not settled our account and now again become active. What action can be taken.
Ans: It's unfortunate that you're facing this situation with your former employer. Gather all relevant documentation related to your employment, including your appointment letter, emails, WhatsApp messages, and any other communication regarding salary payments and promises made by the company. Having a record of these interactions will be crucial for any potential legal action. Reach out to the company via email or written correspondence to remind them of the outstanding salary payments and request immediate settlement of your dues. Clearly outline the amount owed, the period for which you worked without compensation, and any promises or assurances made by the company regarding payment. If the company fails to respond or refuses to settle your dues, consider seeking legal advice from a labor lawyer or legal aid organization. They can assess your situation, advise you on your rights and options, and help you take appropriate legal action to recover your unpaid wages. Depending on the jurisdiction and labor laws in your area, you may have the option to file a formal complaint or grievance with the relevant labor department or regulatory authority. Provide them with all relevant documentation and information about your case, and they may investigate the matter and take action against the company if warranted. If you see other employees are also affected by unpaid wages or mistreatment by the company, then consider organizing collectively to amplify your voices and increase pressure on the company to resolve the issue. This could involve forming a group, sharing information and resources, and coordinating efforts to seek redress through legal channels or public advocacy. Throughout this process, it's important to protect your rights and avoid taking any actions that could jeopardize your legal standing or future claims against the company. Keep records of all communications, consult with legal experts, and be prepared to assert your rights if necessary. Stay informed about any developments related to the company, including changes in ownership, financial status, or legal proceedings. This information may affect your ability to recover unpaid wages or seek other forms of recourse.

Remember that recovering unpaid wages can be a complex and challenging process, but by taking proactive steps, seeking appropriate guidance, and advocating for your rights, you can increase your chances of obtaining a favorable outcome.
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Shekhar

Shekhar Kumar  |88 Answers  |Ask -

Leadership, HR Expert - Answered on Apr 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Career
It's been a year since I completed my engineering in mechanical engineering. I am currently unemployed. I keep sending resume through LinkedIn, indeed, monster. I only get rejection replies. I have lost confidence in everything. What i specialised and has more interest is mechanical design and simulation, but majority companies prefer experienced candidates. For my other plans to work out i initially needed a job for money as well as for experience. It's very depressing and i am kind of letting go my dreams. I feel I am very incapable of even find a job after a course. What difference do I make with those who took a year off to clear remaining arrears.
Ans: It's understandable to feel frustrated and discouraged when facing challenges in your job search, especially when you're passionate about a specific field like mechanical design and simulation. However, it's essential to remember that setbacks are a natural part of the job search process, and they don't define your worth or capabilities. While gaining work experience may seem challenging at the moment, you can focus on enhancing your skills and knowledge in mechanical design and simulation. Consider enrolling in online courses, workshops, or certification programs related to CAD software, finite element analysis (FEA), computational fluid dynamics (CFD), or other relevant areas. Reach out to professionals working in mechanical design and simulation roles through LinkedIn or industry events. Request informational interviews to learn about their career paths, experiences, and insights into the industry. Building relationships with professionals in your field can lead to job opportunities, mentorship, and valuable advice for your career. Look for internships, co-op programs, or entry-level positions that offer opportunities to gain hands-on experience in mechanical design and simulation. While these roles may not always be advertised, reaching out to companies directly or through your network can help you uncover hidden opportunities and demonstrate your enthusiasm and commitment to the field.

Remember that finding a job after completing your engineering degree is a process that takes time and persistence. Stay committed to your aspirations, continue investing in your skills and knowledge, and remain open to new opportunities that come your way. With determination and perseverance, you can overcome obstacles and find success in your chosen field.
(more)
Moneywize

Moneywize   |98 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Apr 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
I want to purchase auto insurance for my Maruti Ertiga which I purchased two years ago. Which auto insurance policy will best look after my interests in the event of an accident which could lead to fatalities or lead me permanently disabled? I want to choose an auto insurance policy that will take care of hospitalisation as well as permanent disability.
Ans: In the unfortunate event of an accident with your Maruti Ertiga, a comprehensive car insurance policy will best serve your interests. Here's why:

Comprehensive Coverage:

• Third-party Liability: This is mandatory by law and covers any injuries or property damage caused to a third party due to an accident involving your car.
• Own Damage Cover: This protects your Maruti Ertiga from damages caused by accidents, theft, fire, natural calamities, etc.

Additional Coverage for Permanent Disability and Hospitalisation:

• Personal Accident (PA) Cover for Owner-Driver and Passengers: This add-on provides a lump sum payout in case of death or permanent disability due to an accident. You can extend this cover to include your passengers as well.
• Medical Expenses Cover: This add-on reimburses hospitalisation expenses incurred due to injuries sustained in an accident.

Here's what to consider when choosing an insurance provider:

• Claim Settlement Ratio (CSR): Look for insurers with a high CSR, which indicates a good record of settling claims promptly.
• Network Garages: Opt for an insurer with a wide network of cashless garages for repairs to ensure a hassle-free experience.
• Customer Service: Choose a company known for providing prompt and helpful customer service.

Popular Car Insurance Providers in India:

• Acko General Insurance
• HDFC Ergo
• The Oriental Insurance Company
• National Insurance Company
• Bajaj Allianz General Insurance

Researching and Comparing Policies

• Use online insurance aggregator websites to compare quotes from different providers. These websites allow you to input details about your Maruti Ertiga, your driving history, and desired coverage options. They will then provide you with quotes from various insurers, allowing you to compare prices and features.

Consulting a Financial Advisor

• Consider consulting a financial advisor who can help you assess your specific needs and recommend the most suitable car insurance policy for your Maruti Ertiga.
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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