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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 22, 2023

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Sundarraj Question by Sundarraj on Nov 21, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Actually to say the truth this incident has made my life very difficult. Due to financial burden and for the sake of kids life, came abroad to earn money. Had huge faith and trust in my wife. suddenly this incident have ruined all the happiness. Even though i had many conversation with my wife and she assured me of faith and true to our relationship; i couldn't digest this. My daughter is just 9 years old, she doesnt know anything. But my son is 15 years old and he understands things. This incident have made him arrogant towards her. my kids love me and i am living for them and to make their life better working away from home. Actually they want me to be with them and take care of them. But my wife always insisting me to return back after becoming financially stable. Initially i was also hoping for the same. But now its totally different. Knowing that the guy is just few kilometers away from my home and working in the same company where my wife works is making me go wild sometimes. But as of now i am controlling my emotions and trying to trust my wife. But this is really taking a toll on me. One side i have to take care of my aeging parents, clear debts, take care of kids education and other family expenses. Other side this issue. My wife earns money just to spend for her family and her day to day expenses. nothing of use to me nor kids. So i am totally struck and dont know how to handle. Moreover i am keeping all the things within me and couldnt discuss with either friends nor family. Feeling lonely and betrayed.

Ans: It's understandable that you're feeling a range of emotions given the complexities of your situation.Honest and open communication with your wife is crucial. Share your feelings, concerns, and the impact this situation is having on you. Encourage her to express herself as well. Clear communication is key to rebuilding trust. Consider what is best for you, your children, and your overall well-being. Assess whether staying abroad or returning home is the most viable option for your family. It's important to take care of your own mental and emotional well-being. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This might include exercise, hobbies, or spending time with friends.

Best Wishes

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1494 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 39 Year Old Male and My wife is 37 years old, we are married for 12 years. We have 2 kids (A Son Aged 9 Years) and a daughter aged (2 years). We had good and bad both times during 12 years of our marriage. However it was my anger on petty issues which lead to multiple quarrels over the period. Last month again we had fight and my wife left home without my or my family knowladge along with both our kids to my in-laws. During this 1 month of seperation i realized my mistakes and are ready to amend it, but my wife lacks trust now. We are not in touch since she has left as she has blocked my number and send me court notice of maintenance also (Ofcourse notice has lot of lies also). No i have understood my family's values and unable to bear such distance from both wife and kids. What my wife is thinking i dont know. Financially i have always kept her happy but due to my quarrels things have gone bad now. Please advice what should be way forward for me and what should i do to bring my family back. PLEASE GUIDE!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Ego trips have divided the two of you considerably.
Seek the help of an elder member of a family who will act like a go-between and a mediator. He/She must be neutral and unbiased as well.
This helps in having a smooth flow in a conversation between you and your wife where both of you can our in your woes and also be clear on whether either of you want the marriage to continue or not. Also, take into account the children and their welfare as they are very young and any decision taken will impact them in one or many ways.
If this mediation fails, kindly seek the help of a marriage therapist/counselor even this means sharing 'stuff' with a total stranger. Most often that stranger will be the person to facilitate a smooth reconciliation if the couple also wants the same.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 20, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi. I am married and its our 17th year into marriage. Myself 40 yrs and my wife 37 yrs, we have 2 kids. I am working abroad and my wife is working near our home in india itself. Recently my son found that my wife is seeing her senior co worker who is also married and having 2 kids. They were sending romantic messages. My son got shocked and immediately informed me and was very furious. I too got shocked and inquired my wife. She apologized and said that she got attracted and carried away. Also it was just chatting and nothing happened between them. they were chatting for nearly 7 months. In between that man had visited my home too. I love my wife a lot and couldnt believe she betrayed me. As i am working abroad i couldnt judge how long and serious this affair was. I couldnt travel immediately also. She pleaded and still going to the same job citing her career and for kids life. I couldnt sleep and terribly confused as how to handle this and proceed further. I couldnt share to my family also.
Ans: Oh my dear Anonymous, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation. Infidelity can be a painful experience, and it's understandable that you're feeling confused and hurt. Dealing with such matters requires careful consideration and communication.It's normal to feel a range of emotions such as anger, sadness, confusion, and betrayal. Allow yourself the space to come to terms with what has happened before making any major decision. Discuss your feelings, concerns, and expectations moving forward with your wife clear;y being open and honest is what i feel is most important. Discuss and establish clear boundaries regarding communication with the other person. Also you have children, consider how this situation may affect them. It's essential to provide a stable and supportive environment for them. Depending on the circumstances, you may want to involve them in the conversation or shield them from the details, depending on their age. Remember, the decision on how to proceed ultimately rests with you. Seeking the assistance of a professional counselor or therapist can be valuable in navigating the complexities of infidelity and rebuilding trust. It's crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and make decisions that align with your values and goals for the future.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am married for 23 years .Both me & my wife are doing job.I have one son staying with me. After 17 years of marriage I inquired that my wife has sexual relationship with another man . This has hurt me a lot as she betrayed me . As a result she gave no attention to me , my son and my parents . When I got this information , my wife left my house taking hand loan from neighbors . I never lodged any complain with police or file divorce case , rather I took it challenging. I took proper care of my son .Due to hard work & logistic support from me , my son qualified in NEET & continuing MBBS in Govt. college.As my son has grown up & knows the actual fact ,he dislikes his mother & has no contact with her since long.Gradually we have started forgetting her. After 6 years of staying outside , now my wife is trying to come back again forcefully which we do not want. Therefore I request that please advice me what to do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the challenging situation you've been through. It's understandable that trust has been broken, and emotions must be complex. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and that of your son during this time. If you feel comfortable, have an open and honest conversation with your wife about the reasons for her return. It's crucial to express your feelings and concerns. It might be helpful to involve a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, to facilitate the conversation. If she continues to pursue a return against your wishes, you may want to consult with a legal professional to understand your options and rights. Given the complexity of your situation, it might be beneficial to seek legal advice to understand your rights and responsibilities. A lawyer can help you explore options and provide guidance on how to proceed. Take into account the well-being and feelings of your son in any decision-making process. His opinion and comfort level should be considered, especially if he has chosen not to maintain contact with his mother. Decisions made under emotional stress might not be the best ones. Give yourself time to reflect, assess the situation, and decide what is in the best interest of you and your son Ultimately, the decision of whether to allow your wife back into your lives is a personal one. Consider what is in the best interests of you and your son, taking into account your own well-being and the well-being of your family.

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |119 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 19, 2024Hindi
Relationship
Hi sir, I am 34 year women with 2 girl kids. I m working in IT and I earn good amount of livelihood. Sir I hv been married for 6 years and after 1 year of marriage me and my husband understanding issue started where he wants to dominate on me in all senses including financial stuff. But I was okay n in 1 year my 1st daughter born then serious issue started I had rejoined job n discontinued giving all my salary to him. I started savings for my kid where he was nt happy he indirectly demanded my complete salary to be given to him as I did before issue start. Bt in 2020 as lockdown happened he moved to his village where It was very difficult for me to work bt demanded to come to his place. I denied and concentrate my career. So he left us 2 years he did call n check how is kid. Then again he came back 2022 with elders we moved to together to city and again asked money as my sal was increased if nt asked me to barrow 50-60lac as loan n give to him for property which he agreed to make it my name in his place. Bt I denied bc I couldn't trust him meanwhile 2nd daughter born. I came for mother place n he started doing backstabbing abt me n my family within relatives. When I asked he stopped coming visiting me n my daughter and he turn up for 2 baby also it's been year now. Sir my question is ..I m fed up of his behaviour n I dont trust him. As I hv two kids is it really difficult to live without him in this society. As many of my relatives are suggesting go and call ur him how can you live alone with 2 daughter. Sir pls guide me what should I do now ..I tolerate him all these years for kids and society. Now I m done n scared as will I be able to handle all alone. My parents are big support and now I m nt in condition where I go legally against him. Is my decision of living by myself with my daughters and parents is correct or wrong decision or I should go with him.
Ans: Your situation is indeed complex and emotionally taxing. It's important to approach this with both clarity and compassion for yourself and your daughters. Here are some steps and considerations to help you navigate this:

Self-Reflection and Clarity
Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s essential to recognize your feelings of frustration, fear, and exhaustion. These emotions are valid and need to be addressed.
Define Your Priorities: What are your primary concerns? Your children’s well-being, your financial independence, your personal peace, and safety are likely at the top of this list.
Evaluating Your Relationship
Assess Trust and Respect: Trust and mutual respect are fundamental to any relationship. If these are missing, it is challenging to maintain a healthy partnership.
Past Behaviors as Indicators: Look at the past behavior of your husband. Consistent demands for money, lack of support, and absence during critical times can be telling signs of his priorities and commitment.
Support System
Lean on Your Parents: Having your parents’ support is a significant advantage. They can provide emotional, physical, and perhaps even financial support as you navigate this period.
Professional Help: Consider seeking counseling or support groups for single mothers. These resources can provide guidance, emotional support, and practical advice.
Societal Pressure
Redefine Norms: Society often has rigid expectations, but your well-being and that of your children come first. Living according to societal norms at the cost of your mental peace and safety is not sustainable.
Role Models: Look for examples of other women who have successfully managed similar situations. Their stories can offer inspiration and practical advice.
Legal and Financial Considerations
Know Your Rights: Even if you’re not in a position to take legal action now, it’s essential to be informed about your rights regarding child support and alimony.
Financial Independence: Continue to safeguard your financial independence. This will provide security and stability for you and your daughters.
Decision Making
Short-Term vs. Long-Term: Think about both immediate needs and long-term goals. What decision will bring peace and stability now, and what will be beneficial in the future?
Children’s Well-Being: Consider the environment your children will grow up in. A peaceful, loving environment, even if it’s without their father, might be more beneficial than a toxic, conflict-ridden one.
Practical Steps
Document Everything: Keep records of communications and financial transactions. This documentation can be crucial if you decide to pursue legal action in the future.
Plan for Independence: Create a plan for your independent living situation, including budgeting, childcare, and career progression.
Final Thoughts
Choosing to live independently with your daughters is a courageous and often necessary step for many women in similar situations. Trust in your strength and the support of your parents. It’s important to remember that living a life of peace and dignity, even if it means being a single parent, is a powerful and positive example for your children.

You are not alone in this journey. Seek the support you need, trust your instincts, and prioritize your and your children’s well-being above all.

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T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |333 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
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Money
My querry is income taxrelated . I am under zero tax liability. I am a housewife. Earlier about twenty year back , I applied for PAN card and for the first year filed IT return with income of about 1 lacs from petty jobs ( like stictching, tuition etc.). After that I never filed return. But I was investing in mutual fund. In A.Y. 2021-22, I had divided income of about 38000/- in which TDS was deducted. To get the refund, I filed IT return showing income of rs. 38,000/- FROM MF dividend and I got the refund. In A.Y. 2022-23, I did not filed return . for A.Y. 2023-24, I filed for 4.5 lacs and for A.Y. 2024-25, I filed IT return for 4.88 lacs and tax liability was zero. for both the year source of income was indicated as: income from other sources, (sticting, tuition etc). Now a few days ago, I received email for IT department: please file updated return for A.Y. 2022-23." I tried using utility form. Filing updated return will attract a fee of rs. 1000/-. Is it necessary to file updated return for A.Y. 2022-23. If I do not file the updated return, what are the complications.
Ans: 01. First of all, kindly confirm what was your Income during A/Y 2022-23.
02. If this income was less than Rs.2,50,000.00, you may not file your ITR.
03. If your income during this period was more than Rs.2,50,000.00, it is mandatory for you to file your ITR.
04. You may file Updated ITR, if para no.3 above is applicable in your case.
05. Otherwise write to IT Department that your income was below minimum taxable limit, as such you are not required to file ITR. In this case, you are not required to take any action on the mail of department.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7887 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 07, 2025

Money
I am 47 years old and currently working in software, while my wife is employed with BSNL. Together, we have accumulated around ₹3 crore and are considering retirement. My wife is willing to continue working for another five years, but due to the pressure from my job, I am thinking of retiring now. We have a 14-year-old son, and I am happy to say that we have no outstanding loans. Additionally, we have health insurance coverage of ₹15 lakh, as well as personal and term insurance ₹1 crore. Below are the details of our savings: PPF: ₹32,65,920 FD: ₹20,60,820 Stocks, Mutual Funds & Company Stocks: ₹72,73,750 EPF: ₹69,98,400 Gold: ₹10,60,900 ICICI Pru: ₹15,14,240 Real Estate: ₹31,21,200 LIC: ₹21,63,200 HDFC ERGO: ₹3,30,750 Cash: ₹5,20,200 My Gratuity: ₹7,28,280 Wife Gratuity : ₹4,16,160 Given these savings, could you please advise if our corpus will be sufficient for retirement? Or would you recommend that I continue working for a few more years? I feel like I am ready to retire, but I need your guidance.
Ans: Your financial planning is already strong. You have a well-diversified portfolio, no liabilities, and a supportive spouse who is willing to work for five more years. This puts you in a comfortable position to consider early retirement. However, we need to assess whether your current corpus can sustain your retirement needs for the next several decades.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Your Age: 47 years
Wife’s Age: Not mentioned, but assuming similar age
Son’s Age: 14 years
Total Corpus: Around Rs. 3 crore
Health Insurance: Rs. 15 lakh coverage
Life Insurance: Rs. 1 crore term insurance
Wife’s Job Stability: Will continue for five more years
No Outstanding Loans: Financially stress-free situation
Your financial discipline is strong. However, early retirement requires careful planning to ensure long-term financial security.

Breakdown of Your Assets and Their Role in Retirement
1. Liquid and Fixed Income Assets
PPF: Rs. 32.65 lakh
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 20.60 lakh
EPF: Rs. 69.98 lakh
Cash: Rs. 5.20 lakh
These funds provide stability but have limited growth potential. They can help with short-term needs but should not be over-relied upon for long-term wealth creation.

2. Market-Linked Investments
Stocks, Mutual Funds & Company Stocks: Rs. 72.73 lakh
These investments can generate high long-term returns. However, market volatility can impact short-term liquidity. A proper withdrawal strategy is essential.

3. Precious Metals and Insurance Policies
Gold: Rs. 10.60 lakh (Good for diversification but should not be considered for regular income)
ICICI Pru: Rs. 15.14 lakh (If it is a ULIP or endowment plan, consider exiting)
LIC Policy: Rs. 21.63 lakh (Check surrender value and shift to better options if it’s a traditional plan)
HDFC ERGO: Rs. 3.30 lakh (Assuming this is a general insurance policy, it is not an investment asset)
4. Real Estate Holdings
Real Estate: Rs. 31.21 lakh
Real estate is an illiquid asset. It should not be relied upon for regular retirement income unless it is rental property generating passive cash flow.

5. Retirement Benefits
Your Gratuity: Rs. 7.28 lakh
Wife’s Gratuity: Rs. 4.16 lakh
These funds will be received at retirement and can act as a financial cushion.

Retirement Feasibility Analysis
1. Expected Expenses in Retirement
Your current expenses need to be evaluated. Retirement expenses may include:

Household expenses
Medical costs
Child’s education
Lifestyle expenses
Travel and leisure
Inflation will erode purchasing power. A corpus that looks sufficient today may not last 30+ years without proper planning.

Major future expenses:

Son’s higher education: Can range from Rs. 30-80 lakh depending on domestic or international education.
Medical expenses: As you age, medical costs will rise.
2. Income Sources Post-Retirement
Your wife’s salary for five more years provides financial support.
Your investments need to generate passive income.
Health insurance is in place but may need enhancement.
Life insurance (term plan) is for dependents, not for investment.
Key Action Points for a Secure Retirement
1. Decide Whether to Retire Now or Work a Few More Years
If you retire now:

You must rely on investments to cover expenses.
You need a withdrawal strategy to sustain a 30+ year retirement.
You must ensure your portfolio can beat inflation.
If you work for a few more years:

You can build a bigger corpus.
You can cover your son’s higher education expenses comfortably.
You can retire with more financial security.
2. Restructure Investments for Growth and Stability
Exit underperforming insurance policies. LIC, ICICI Pru, and any endowment or ULIP plans should be surrendered, and funds should be reinvested in mutual funds.
Enhance your equity exposure. Keep a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds for steady growth.
Increase debt exposure selectively. Use short-duration debt funds or bonds to generate stable returns.
Create a systematic withdrawal plan. This ensures a steady cash flow during retirement.
3. Build an Emergency and Health Fund
Keep at least two years’ expenses in a liquid fund. This helps manage any immediate financial needs.
Increase health insurance beyond Rs. 15 lakh. Medical inflation is high. Consider adding a super top-up plan.
4. Plan for Child’s Education
Keep a dedicated fund for your son’s education. A mix of mutual funds and fixed-income assets is ideal.
Ensure adequate coverage. If something happens to you, your son’s future should be secure.
5. Tax-Efficient Withdrawal Planning
Mutual fund capital gains taxation:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt fund taxation:
Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
PPF and EPF withdrawals are tax-free. These should be used strategically.
Finally
Retiring now is possible, but you must have a strong withdrawal plan.
If you work for a few more years, your retirement will be financially safer.
Reallocate low-return assets into high-growth investments.
Ensure medical and emergency funds are sufficient.
Plan your withdrawals tax-efficiently.
If you feel mentally ready to retire, you can do so with a clear financial strategy. However, working for a few more years will provide greater long-term stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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