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Should I Invest 50 Lakhs for Good Returns?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 05, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Amman Question by Amman on Aug 05, 2024Hindi
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my wife received 25L from the sale of her ancestral house..i have another 25L with me totaling to 50L..what ,where & how should i invest so as to get good returns

Ans: Investment Strategy for Rs. 50 Lakhs
Asset Allocation

Split your Rs. 50 lakhs into different investment types.
This helps manage risk and get good returns.
A mix of equity, debt, and gold is good.

Equity Investments

Put some money in stock market through mutual funds.
This can give high returns over long term.
Choose funds with good past performance.

Debt Investments

Invest in fixed income options for steady returns.
Government bonds and company deposits are choices.
These are safer than stocks.

Gold Investments

Add some gold to your mix.
It protects against inflation.
Physical gold or gold funds both work.

Tax Planning

Choose tax-saving investments wisely.
ELSS funds can save tax and give good returns.
PPF is also a good tax-saving choice.

Emergency Fund

Keep some money for unexpected needs.
Put this in a savings account.
It should cover 6 months of expenses.

Review and Rebalance

Check your investments regularly.
Change mix if needed to meet your goals.
Do this every 6 months or yearly.

Seek Professional Help

Talk to a Certified Financial Planner.
They can make a plan just for you.
This helps you invest better.

Finally

Investing Rs. 50 lakhs needs careful planning.
A good mix of investments can give nice returns.
Regular review and expert help are important.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 10, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 40 years old working in a MNC with a salary of 1 lakh per month. My wife has got some 2.4 crore Rupees in her account. She doesn't want to work. No intent to buy any house here in B'lore. We have a land in native. So we are as of now in rented house. We have two kids of age 5 and 7. How and where I can invest the Money to get stable income every month? Plese advice.
Ans: It’s great that you’re thinking about investing to secure a stable monthly income. Let’s dive into how you can make the best use of your money.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
You have a salary of Rs 1 lakh per month and a significant amount of Rs 2.4 crores in your wife’s account. Your goal is to generate a stable monthly income from this amount. You’re living in a rented house in Bangalore and have land in your native place. With two young kids, planning for their future is also important.

Investment Goals and Priorities
Stable Monthly Income: Your primary goal is to get a steady income every month.

Safety and Growth: You need to balance between safe investments and growth opportunities.

Children’s Future: Secure funds for your children’s education and future needs.

Creating a Balanced Portfolio
Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Fixed deposits are safe and offer guaranteed returns. They are suitable for the portion of your funds that you want to keep absolutely safe.

Advantages:

Guaranteed returns.

Low risk.

Disadvantages:

Lower returns compared to other investment options.
Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities. They are relatively safe and offer better returns than FDs.

Advantages:

Better returns than FDs.

Suitable for stable income.

Disadvantages:

Interest rate risk.
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. They are suitable for long-term growth.

Advantages:

High potential returns.

Good for long-term goals.

Disadvantages:

Higher risk due to market volatility.
Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt. They offer a balanced risk-return profile and are good for stable income with some growth.

Advantages:

Balanced risk and return.

Diversified investment.

Disadvantages:

Moderate risk.
Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
An SWP in mutual funds allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly. It’s ideal for generating a stable monthly income.

Advantages:

Regular income.

Flexibility in withdrawal amount.

Disadvantages:

Market risk if invested in equity funds.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a long-term, government-backed savings scheme. It offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns.

Advantages:

Tax benefits.

Guaranteed returns.

Disadvantages:

Long lock-in period.
Detailed Investment Plan
Monthly Income Strategy
To generate a stable monthly income, let’s allocate your Rs 2.4 crores across different investments.

Fixed Deposits and Debt Funds
Allocation: Rs 60 lakhs

Purpose: Safety and stable returns.

Expected Monthly Income: Approx Rs 30,000

Hybrid Mutual Funds with SWP
Allocation: Rs 1 crore

Purpose: Balance between growth and stability.

Expected Monthly Income: Approx Rs 60,000

Equity Mutual Funds
Allocation: Rs 80 lakhs

Purpose: Long-term growth for children’s education and future needs.

Expected Monthly Income: No regular income, but potential for high returns over time.

Children’s Education Fund
Education costs are rising, and planning for your kids’ education is crucial. Equity mutual funds can offer the required growth over the long term.

Recommended Strategy:

Invest in diversified equity mutual funds.

Consider child-specific mutual funds that align with their education timelines.

Tax Planning
Effective tax planning can save you a lot of money. Here are some tax-saving strategies:

Tax-Saving Mutual Funds (ELSS)
Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) offer tax benefits under Section 80C. They also provide good returns over the long term.

PPF and National Savings Certificates (NSC)
Both PPF and NSC offer tax benefits and guaranteed returns. They are suitable for the safe portion of your investment.

Emergency Fund
An emergency fund is crucial for unexpected expenses. It should be easily accessible and safe.

Recommended Strategy:

Keep 6-12 months of living expenses in a savings account or liquid fund.
Insurance Coverage
Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage. It protects your family’s financial future in case of any unforeseen events.

Life Insurance
Adequate life insurance coverage is crucial. Consider term insurance for high coverage at a low cost.

Health Insurance
Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance for your family. It covers medical emergencies and reduces out-of-pocket expenses.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitoring your investments ensures they are aligned with your goals. Rebalancing helps in maintaining the desired asset allocation.

Recommended Strategy:

Review your portfolio at least once a year.

Rebalance if any asset class deviates significantly from your target allocation.

Seeking Professional Guidance
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice and help you achieve your financial goals. They offer professional portfolio management and regular monitoring.

Advantages:

Expert advice.

Personalized investment strategy.

Disadvantages:

Professional fees.
Final Insights
Investing Rs 2.4 crores wisely can generate a stable monthly income and secure your children’s future. Here’s a recap of the action plan:

Allocate funds across FDs, debt funds, and hybrid funds for stable income.

Invest in equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Set up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for regular income.

Create an education fund for your children.

Establish an emergency fund.

Ensure adequate insurance coverage.

Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 12, 2024Hindi
Money
Sir i m 35 with net monthly income of 80k, previously my wife was also working but not now.we have combined 20 lakh in shares n 45 lakh in mf. I want to accumulate 5 cr in next 10 years. Where to invest as i can save 50k monthly
Ans: Achieving your goal of accumulating Rs 5 crores in the next 10 years is ambitious but attainable with disciplined saving and investing strategies. Your current financial position, with Rs 20 lakhs in shares and Rs 45 lakhs in mutual funds, provides a strong foundation. Here’s a comprehensive guide on how to effectively invest your savings of Rs 50,000 monthly to reach your target.

Assessing Your Financial Situation

Your current net monthly income is Rs 80,000, and you have Rs 20 lakhs in shares and Rs 45 lakhs in mutual funds. Your wife is not currently working, which impacts your household income but does not preclude achieving your goal.

Setting Clear Financial Goals

It's important to set clear, measurable financial goals. Your target is to accumulate Rs 5 crores in 10 years. This requires a well-thought-out investment plan with a focus on both growth and risk management.

Understanding Investment Options

Investing in a mix of equity and mutual funds is essential for growth. Equity investments provide high returns but come with higher risk. Mutual funds offer diversification and professional management, which can balance risk and return effectively.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds simply mirror market indices and offer average market returns. They don’t exploit market inefficiencies or provide the potential for outperformance that actively managed funds do. Actively managed funds can offer better growth opportunities, making them more suitable for your aggressive target.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds

While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they lack professional guidance. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials provides personalized advice, aligning investments with your goals and optimizing returns.

Creating an Investment Strategy

Diversified Equity Portfolio: Invest in a diversified set of high-quality stocks across various sectors. This reduces risk while capturing growth from different parts of the economy. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help identify promising stocks.

Actively Managed Mutual Funds: Choose actively managed mutual funds that have a track record of outperforming the market. These funds leverage market insights to provide better returns than index funds.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Invest Rs 50,000 monthly through SIPs in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap mutual funds. This approach benefits from rupee cost averaging and reduces the impact of market volatility.

Balanced Funds: Consider balanced or hybrid funds that invest in both equity and debt instruments. These funds provide growth potential with reduced risk, making them a prudent choice for part of your portfolio.

Emergency Fund and Insurance

Ensure you maintain an emergency fund covering at least six months of living expenses. This fund should be easily accessible, preferably kept in a savings account or a liquid fund. Additionally, have adequate life and health insurance to protect your family’s financial future against unforeseen events.

Reviewing and Rebalancing Your Portfolio

Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time, and periodic adjustments are necessary to stay on track. Consulting with a CFP will provide professional insights for these adjustments.

Tax Efficiency in Investments

Different investments have different tax implications. Equity mutual funds held for more than one year qualify for long-term capital gains (LTCG) tax, currently at 10% on gains exceeding Rs 1 lakh annually. Debt funds held for more than three years qualify for LTCG tax at 20% with indexation benefits, significantly reducing taxable gains.

Avoiding Common Investment Mistakes

Emotional Decisions: Avoid making investment decisions based on emotions. Market fluctuations are normal, and disciplined investing will yield better results over time.

Lack of Diversification: Don't put all your money in one type of investment. Diversify across various asset classes to balance risk and return.

Neglecting Reinvestment: Reinvest dividends and interest to benefit from compounding. This can significantly enhance your portfolio’s growth over time.

Ignoring Professional Advice: Leverage the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner. Their guidance can help navigate complex financial decisions and optimize your investment strategy.

Long-Term Financial Planning

Retirement Planning: Continue to contribute towards your retirement corpus. Ensure you are on track to maintain your lifestyle post-retirement. Systematic investment in diversified equity and balanced funds can help grow your retirement corpus.

Children’s Education: If you have or plan to have children, start investing early for their education. Consider dedicated education funds or SIPs in diversified equity mutual funds for long-term growth.

Estate Planning: Ensure you have a clear estate plan. Create a will to specify asset distribution and consider setting up trusts if necessary. Proper estate planning can prevent legal disputes and ensure a smooth transfer of assets to your heirs.

Achieving Your Rs 5 Crore Goal

To achieve your Rs 5 crore goal in 10 years, you need a strategic investment plan. Your current savings and monthly investment capacity are solid, but disciplined execution and professional guidance are crucial. Here are detailed steps to help you achieve this:

Calculate the Required Rate of Return: Determine the annual rate of return needed to grow your current investments and monthly contributions to Rs 5 crores in 10 years. This will help you understand the risk and return profile required for your investments.

Select High-Quality Mutual Funds: Choose mutual funds with a history of strong performance. Diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds to capture growth from various segments of the market.

Invest in High-Growth Stocks: Allocate a portion of your savings to high-growth stocks. These stocks offer higher returns but come with higher risk. Diversification and professional guidance can help manage this risk effectively.

Regular Monitoring and Adjustments: Continuously monitor your investments and make necessary adjustments. Regular reviews with your CFP ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Leverage Tax Benefits: Utilize tax-saving investment options under sections 80C and 24(b) of the Income Tax Act. This can optimize your overall returns and reduce the tax burden.

Additional Considerations

Economic and Market Conditions: Stay informed about economic and market conditions. Understanding macroeconomic trends can help make informed investment decisions.

Inflation Impact: Consider the impact of inflation on your investment returns. Ensure your investments are growing at a rate that outpaces inflation to maintain purchasing power.

Debt Management: If you have any outstanding debts, plan for their timely repayment. High-interest debts can erode your savings and investment returns.

Financial Discipline: Maintain financial discipline by sticking to your investment plan. Avoid impulsive spending and prioritize your long-term financial goals.

Final Insights

Achieving a Rs 5 crore corpus in 10 years requires a strategic approach and disciplined execution. By investing in a diversified portfolio of high-quality mutual funds and equities, leveraging professional guidance, and maintaining financial discipline, you can reach your goal. Regular reviews and adjustments, combined with a clear understanding of your financial goals and market conditions, will ensure you stay on track. Stay committed to your investment plan, and with time and patience, you will achieve your financial aspirations.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 03, 2024

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Hi I'm 42 years old my monthly income is 1.5 lakh I have 3 kids aged 10 8 and 5 I want to invest 50k where should I invest plz give a suggestion I need to invest for 5 years I have a plot I wanna build a house
Ans: Your Situation

You're 42 with three young kids.
Monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh.
Want to invest Rs. 50,000 for 5 years.
You have a plot and want to build a house.

Investment Goals

Short-term goal: Building a house.
Long-term goals: Kids' education and your retirement.
We need to balance these goals carefully.

Investment Options

Mutual funds can be good for 5-year goals.
They offer potential for good returns.
Professional managers handle your money.

Types of Mutual Funds

Equity funds invest in stocks.
Debt funds invest in bonds.
Hybrid funds mix stocks and bonds.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Fund managers pick stocks based on research.
They can adjust to market changes quickly.
This can lead to better returns than index funds.

Risk and Return

Equity funds have higher risk but more growth potential.
Debt funds are safer but may give lower returns.
Your risk tolerance should guide your choice.

Regular vs Direct Funds

Regular funds offer expert guidance from advisors.
They help you choose the right funds.
This support can be very valuable for new investors.

Investing Strategy

Start with a mix of equity and debt funds.
This balances growth and safety.
Adjust the mix based on your comfort level.

Additional Considerations

Keep some money in savings for emergencies.
Look into term insurance for family protection.
Start planning for kids' education funds too.

Finally
Investing Rs. 50,000 monthly is a great start. Balance your house goal with long-term needs. A Certified Financial Planner can help you more.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 26, 2024

Money
Hi I have sell my house at 48 lakh. I have purched it 18 lakh. where shuld i have to invest these money for another 5-6 yers. I am 52 yers old.
Ans: 1. Evaluating Capital Gains Tax on the Property Sale
Capital Gains Details: You sold your property for Rs 48 lakh, having initially purchased it for Rs 18 lakh. Since you held the property for more than two years, the profit qualifies as a long-term capital gain (LTCG).

Taxation on LTCG: The LTCG on property sales is taxed at 20% with indexation benefits. Another option is to pay 12.5% tax straight away without indexation. This tax may reduce if you opt for reinvestment options under Section 54 or Section 54EC of the Income Tax Act.

Section 54: If you reinvest in a new residential property within two years or construct one within three years, you could claim a tax exemption on the gains.

Section 54EC: If you don’t wish to reinvest in property, you can invest up to Rs 50 lakh in bonds issued by NHAI or REC, specifically designed for capital gains tax exemption. These bonds have a 5-year lock-in, and the interest is taxable.

2. Balanced Portfolio for Growth and Stability
Since you have a 5-6 year investment horizon, a balanced portfolio would be ideal to both grow and safeguard your funds. Consider a mix of the following investment categories:

Debt Mutual Funds for Stability and Safety
Stable Returns: Debt funds are less volatile than equity and offer relatively stable returns. They are suitable if you seek low-risk returns over a medium horizon.

Tax Efficiency: If held for more than three years, debt funds offer indexation benefits on LTCG, making them tax-efficient for medium-term goals.

Recommended Funds: Invest in short-to-medium duration debt funds to match your 5-6 year timeframe. Actively managed debt funds offer regular guidance from financial professionals, making them a better choice than direct investments.

Hybrid Funds for Balanced Growth
Hybrid Allocation: Hybrid funds blend equity and debt to provide moderate growth with stability, perfect for investors looking for balanced returns.

Risk Cushion: These funds protect you from market volatility with a mix of assets, ideal for 5-6 years of steady growth.

Tax Consideration: If held for over one year, equity-oriented hybrid funds benefit from LTCG tax treatment, which can be tax-efficient for your capital growth.

Actively Managed Equity Mutual Funds
Growth Potential: Even with a shorter timeframe, a limited allocation in equity mutual funds can provide enhanced returns. Actively managed funds, handled by expert fund managers, often outperform index funds, especially during market fluctuations.

Avoiding Direct Funds: Direct funds lack the insights a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) offers. Regular plans offer guidance that can better align with your financial goals, helping you navigate market changes effectively.

Tax Structure: For equity funds, LTCG over Rs 1.25 lakh annually is taxed at 12.5%, which is lower than other asset classes, making it beneficial for growth.

3. Enhancing Liquidity with Debt Instruments
Having a portion of funds in fixed-return debt instruments ensures liquidity and regular income if needed. Here are a few options:

Fixed Deposits with Laddering: Spread deposits over multiple tenures, ensuring liquidity and minimising reinvestment risk due to fluctuating interest rates.

Corporate Bonds or NCDs: Consider bonds from reputed companies for fixed income, but focus on high-rated bonds for security. Although taxable, bonds provide consistent returns and can be an option for funds needed in a shorter span.

4. Emergency Fund Allocation
An emergency fund is vital at every age and is even more essential as retirement approaches. Secure at least 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid or ultra-short-term fund.

Liquid Funds: These provide quick access to cash if needed, with relatively lower risk and tax efficiency.

Bank Savings or Short FDs: For part of your emergency fund, keep funds in a high-yielding savings account or short-term fixed deposits.

5. Health and Retirement Provisions
As you are approaching retirement, securing adequate health and retirement funds is essential for a stable future.

Health Insurance: Ensure you have sufficient health insurance coverage, keeping in mind the rising medical expenses. You may also consider critical illness coverage to avoid out-of-pocket expenses.

Retirement Planning: Allocate a portion of your corpus in conservative, low-risk investments to provide consistent income post-retirement. Monthly Income Plans (MIPs) in mutual funds can supplement regular income if required, providing a balanced approach.

6. Potential Tax Liabilities and Strategic Planning
Here’s how to structure your investments while optimising tax efficiency:

Section 54 and 54EC: If you decide to reinvest under these sections, it can lower your capital gains tax liability. These are specific exemptions aimed at property sellers to reinvest gains in bonds or another house.

Indexation for Debt Funds: Holding debt funds for over three years qualifies for indexation, reducing your tax burden on long-term gains.

Regular Monitoring: A Certified Financial Planner can review your portfolio to adjust for tax efficiency, especially as new tax laws or changes affect mutual fund gains.

Final Insights
This is a solid time to capitalise on your property gains. With a mix of debt, equity, and hybrid mutual funds, you can achieve both stability and growth over the next 5-6 years.

Balanced Investment Strategy: A well-structured portfolio combining debt, hybrid, and limited equity mutual funds gives a balanced approach to growth and safety.

Tax Management: Maximising capital gains exemptions and using indexation benefits can help in optimising taxes on your gains.

Emergency and Health Planning: Set aside funds for medical and emergency needs, which is essential for financial peace.

By diversifying into the right instruments and with regular guidance, your Rs 48 lakh corpus can grow, while preserving your financial security over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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