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Ulhas

Ulhas Joshi  |284 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on May 06, 2023

With over 16 years of experience in the mutual fund industry, Ulhas Joshi has helped numerous clients choose the right funds and create wealth.
Prior to joining RankMF as CEO, he was vice president (sales) at IDBI Asset Management Ltd.
Joshi holds an MBA in marketing from Barkatullah University, Bhopal.... more
Siddhartha Question by Siddhartha on Apr 28, 2023Hindi
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What is mutual fund 'systematic withdrawal plan and systematic transfer plan' and how they work?

Ans: Hi Siddhartha, thanks for writing to me.

With a "Systematic Withdrawal Plan", you are instructing the mutual fund company to redeem units of a certain amount at a given frequency (say monthly, quarterly and so on) and deposit the funds to your bank account. This helps you generate regular cash flow and redeem in a planned manner.


A "Systematic Transfer Plan" is when you instruct the mutual fund company to redeem units from one scheme and invest the redemption proceeds amount in another scheme.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 27, 2024

Money
can someone explain regarding systemic withdrawal plan? is it a guranteed return ? or is it risky
Ans: Understanding Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs)

Firstly, it's commendable that you're exploring options like Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) for managing your investments. Understanding these plans shows your dedication to making informed financial decisions.

What is a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)?
Regular Income Stream
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) allows investors to withdraw a fixed or variable amount from their mutual fund investments at regular intervals. It provides a steady income stream, ideal for retirees or those needing regular cash flow.

Flexibility and Control
SWPs offer flexibility in choosing the withdrawal amount and frequency. You can opt for monthly, quarterly, or annual withdrawals, tailoring it to your needs. This control helps in managing your financial requirements effectively.

How Does an SWP Work?
Withdrawal Mechanism
When you set up an SWP, a fixed amount is redeemed from your mutual fund units periodically. The redeemed amount is credited to your bank account, providing regular income. The remaining units continue to grow based on market performance.

Impact on Fund Value
The fund value decreases with each withdrawal. However, the remaining units still participate in the market, potentially growing over time. It's essential to monitor the fund's performance to ensure sustainability.

Is SWP a Guaranteed Return?
Market-Linked Performance
SWPs are not guaranteed returns. The income depends on the mutual fund's performance. Since SWPs withdraw from your mutual fund investment, the returns fluctuate with market conditions.

Principal and Returns
The withdrawals include both the principal amount and the returns earned. If the fund performs well, the value of remaining units may increase. Conversely, poor performance can reduce the overall fund value faster.

Risks Associated with SWPs
Market Volatility
Market volatility affects the fund's performance, impacting the sustainability of withdrawals. In a declining market, the fund value may deplete quickly, posing a risk to long-term withdrawals.

Depletion Risk
Frequent or high withdrawals can deplete the fund value rapidly. If withdrawals exceed the returns generated, the investment may not last as long as intended. Careful planning is necessary to avoid this risk.

Inflation Impact
Inflation reduces the purchasing power of your withdrawals over time. Fixed withdrawal amounts may not suffice as living costs rise. Adjusting withdrawal amounts periodically can help mitigate this impact.

Benefits of SWPs
Regular Income
SWPs provide a predictable income stream, making financial planning easier. This regular income is beneficial for retirees or those needing consistent cash flow for expenses.

Tax Efficiency
SWPs can be tax-efficient. Withdrawals are considered redemptions, potentially attracting lower capital gains tax compared to regular income. This efficiency depends on the holding period and the fund type.

Flexibility in Withdrawals
SWPs offer the flexibility to modify withdrawal amounts and frequency. This adaptability helps in managing changing financial needs and circumstances effectively.

Managing SWP Risks
Diversification
Diversifying your investment across different mutual funds can mitigate risk. Investing in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds balances growth potential and stability, reducing overall risk.

Regular Review
Regularly reviewing your SWP and mutual fund performance is crucial. It helps in making necessary adjustments to withdrawal amounts and investment strategy, ensuring long-term sustainability.

Professional Guidance
Consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide valuable insights. CFPs can help in designing a suitable SWP strategy, considering your financial goals, risk tolerance, and market conditions.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds for SWP
Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market through strategic investments. Professional fund managers adjust the portfolio based on market trends, potentially providing higher returns for your SWP.

Index Funds
Index funds track a market index, providing average market returns. While they offer lower fees, their performance is limited to the index's performance. Actively managed funds may offer better returns, enhancing your SWP's sustainability.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Lack of Professional Oversight
Direct funds do not offer professional management. Making informed decisions can be challenging without expert guidance. Regular funds, with MFD and CFP support, provide tailored advice for optimal investment strategies.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Regular funds offer access to professional fund managers and financial planners. This expertise ensures a well-balanced portfolio, aligning with your financial goals and risk appetite.

Conclusion
SWPs are a valuable tool for generating regular income from your mutual fund investments. While they offer flexibility and tax efficiency, they are subject to market risks and do not guarantee returns. Careful planning, diversification, and regular reviews are essential to manage these risks effectively. Consulting a Certified Financial Planner can further optimize your SWP strategy, ensuring a stable and sustainable income stream.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 16, 2025

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What are Retirement Mutual Funds?
Ans: Retirement Mutual Funds are investment vehicles designed to help individuals build a retirement corpus over time. These funds typically combine different asset classes like equities, debt, and others to provide growth and income, tailored for long-term retirement planning.

1. The Purpose of Retirement Mutual Funds
They are designed to meet your retirement needs.
These funds provide a systematic way to accumulate wealth for the long term.
They invest in a mix of assets like equities and debt.
Equity exposure helps grow the corpus, while debt provides stability.
2. How Do Retirement Mutual Funds Work?
Retirement funds often have a target date, for example, “2025”, “2030”.
As the target date nears, the fund gradually reduces risk by shifting to safer assets.
The mix of equity and debt is adjusted based on your retirement age.
These funds can be offered by various mutual fund houses.
3. The Structure of These Funds
They may be structured as target-date funds.
The fund’s asset allocation changes automatically with age.
They are a good option for investors who prefer a hands-off approach.
The focus is on long-term growth, followed by gradual risk reduction.
4. Advantages of Retirement Mutual Funds
Diversification: Funds spread across multiple sectors, reducing risk.
Expert Management: Actively managed by professionals to maximize returns.
Convenience: Offers a disciplined approach to retirement savings.
Compounding Growth: Helps you benefit from long-term market growth.
5. Disadvantages to Consider
Market Volatility: Equity-based funds can be volatile in the short term.
Not a One-Size-Fits-All: May not suit those with unique needs or preferences.
Fees: Management fees may eat into returns over the long term.
Tax Implications: Long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh attract 12.5% tax.
6. Retirement Mutual Funds vs. Traditional Savings Methods
Better Growth: Retirement funds have a higher potential for growth than traditional savings.
Managed Risk: These funds balance risk, unlike traditional savings which offer lower returns.
Tax Benefits: You can take advantage of tax-saving schemes through certain retirement funds.
Flexibility: Retirement funds offer flexibility in terms of withdrawal and transfers.
7. Is It Better Than Index Funds?
Index Funds: Track market indices, have lower costs but limited management.
Retirement Funds: Actively managed, offering higher flexibility and strategic allocation.
Active vs Passive Management: Active management can adapt to changing market conditions.
Risk Management: Retirement funds gradually reduce risk as you approach retirement.
8. Investing Through Regular Funds
Why Not Direct Plans?
Direct plans may seem appealing due to lower expense ratios.
However, investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) brings value.
MFDs provide expert advice, ensure disciplined investing, and reduce the risk of wrong investment decisions.
Regular plans may have slightly higher fees, but the guidance they provide makes up for it in the long run.
9. How Much Should You Invest?
Your contribution depends on your retirement goals.
Aim for a consistent monthly SIP to harness the power of compounding.
Calculate your retirement requirements and review them periodically.
Align your asset allocation with your risk tolerance.
Final Insights
Retirement mutual funds are ideal for those looking for a hassle-free and structured way to save for retirement. They provide long-term growth potential while managing risk as you approach your retirement age.

These funds offer diversification, active management, and tax benefits.
Regular funds with a certified financial planner can ensure better results than direct funds.
Stay consistent with your investments and make adjustments as needed.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 22, 2025

Money
I LIKE TO GET SOMENADVICE ABOUT MUTUAL FUND
Ans: That’s wonderful to hear. It’s great that you wish to learn more before investing. Mutual funds can help you reach your goals with discipline and planning. The key is to choose and manage them in the right way.

Let me guide you with a clear, complete, and simple understanding.

» Knowing what mutual funds really do

Mutual funds collect money from many investors and invest in shares, bonds, or both. Each fund has a goal — growth, income, or stability. You become a part owner of that pool. Your money grows as the value of the investments grows.

They offer professional management, diversification, liquidity, and convenience. This means your money is handled by experts, spread across many companies, and can be withdrawn easily when needed.

So, mutual funds are ideal for investors who want long-term wealth creation without the daily stress of tracking the stock market.

» Importance of linking funds to your goals

Before choosing a fund, decide your goals. Are they short-term, medium-term, or long-term?

For short-term goals (within 3 years), you should prefer safer options like liquid or ultra-short-term funds.

For medium-term goals (3 to 5 years), you can mix balanced or conservative hybrid funds.

For long-term goals (beyond 5 years), equity funds work best for growth and inflation-beating returns.

This goal-based method prevents emotional decisions and aligns risk with your purpose.

» Why actively managed funds are better

Many investors think index funds are enough. But index funds only copy the market index. They include both good and weak companies. They cannot take protective action during market falls. There is no human judgment.

Actively managed funds are run by skilled fund managers who study companies and market conditions. They can buy undervalued stocks and avoid risky ones. This flexibility helps protect your capital during market stress and improves long-term returns.

For Indian investors, where markets are still developing, actively managed funds perform better than index funds over time.

» Importance of diversification

Never invest all your money in one fund or one category. Spread your money across large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and hybrid funds. This diversification helps balance risk and return.

When one part underperforms, another can support. The result is smoother growth. But avoid too many funds. Four to six well-chosen funds are enough for most investors.

» Role of SIP and lumpsum

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) helps you invest a fixed amount regularly. It builds habit, reduces market timing risk, and takes advantage of cost averaging.

If you have a large sum ready, you can invest part of it as lumpsum and the rest through SIP. This approach combines immediate participation and gradual entry.

Continuing SIPs even during market corrections builds long-term wealth.

» Review and monitoring

Selecting funds is only the first step. You must also review them at least once a year. A Certified Financial Planner can help check each fund’s performance, consistency, and suitability.

If a fund underperforms for two years or more, you can switch to a better one. But avoid changing too often. Mutual funds work best when you stay invested long enough for compounding to take effect.

» Tax awareness

You should understand mutual fund taxation rules:

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh per year are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.

For debt mutual funds, gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

This makes equity mutual funds more tax-efficient for long-term goals compared to fixed deposits.

» Avoiding common mistakes

– Don’t invest without linking your goal and time frame.
– Don’t withdraw early during short-term market falls.
– Don’t chase high past returns.
– Don’t rely on random tips or online lists.

Instead, follow a disciplined and reviewed approach. Long-term investors always benefit more from patience and process.

» Importance of professional guidance

A Certified Financial Planner can help you build the right portfolio based on your goals, risk comfort, and timeline. They monitor your funds regularly, rebalance when needed, and guide you through all market phases.

Investing through a CFP-backed Mutual Fund Distributor is better than going direct. Direct plans may look cheaper but lack advice, review, and emotional guidance. The value of correct decisions far exceeds the cost difference.

So, work with a Certified Financial Planner who can offer 360-degree solutions — investment planning, insurance protection, retirement planning, and tax optimisation — all integrated for your peace of mind.

» Building your foundation

Before you begin, ensure you have:

An emergency fund for 6 months of expenses.

Health insurance and term insurance cover.

A clear list of your goals.
Once these are ready, you can start your mutual fund journey confidently.

» Finally

Mutual funds are powerful when used with discipline, goal clarity, and professional monitoring. Choose actively managed funds through a Certified Financial Planner. Stay invested for long term, review annually, and keep patience during market changes.

Your savings will grow steadily, and your financial future will become secure. You have already taken the right step by seeking advice — now, plan it properly and stay consistent.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11138 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Money
I'm an investor in India, 30% tax bracket under the new tax regime, with high risk tolerance. I am investing from 2017, invested amount is 22 lakhs, market value 25 lakhs. I have two financial goals — child's education (~7-year horizon) and retirement (~18-year horizon). Current SIP Portfolio I run a 5-fund core portfolio with a total SIP of ₹53,000/month. For the education goal, I have HDFC Nifty 50 Index Fund (₹5,000/month) and Parag Parikh Flexi Cap (₹15,000/month). For retirement, I have ICICI Nifty Next 50 Index (₹8,000/month), Motilal Oswal Midcap (₹15,000/month), and Nippon India Small Cap (₹10,000/month). Each fund is from a different AMC, which is a deliberate diversification choice. Other Investments I have a PPF account (opened 2015, ~₹10L corpus) maturing around 2030. I also hold NPS Tier 1 corpus which I plan to keep untouched until age 60 — I've stopped fresh NPS contributions since there's no additional deduction benefit under the new tax regime. What I'm Looking for advice on Is my current portfolio good for the long term and shall I continue the same Shall I take international exposure through navi nasdaq 100 FOF (Not taking due to tax complication) Shall I invest in gold for hedge Shall I stop my NPS Tier 1 SIP and reallocate 7k to my current portfolio, if yes then which funds I have two specific worries. First, Motilal Oswal Midcap had a fund manager change in July 2025 and runs a fairly concentrated portfolio at an elevated PE — I'm not sure if I should continue, reduce the SIP, or switch to another midcap fund. Second, Nippon India Small Cap has been closed for lumpsum investments since July 2023 due to its large AUM — I've been considering switching to Invesco India Small Cap (ranked #2/18 in the category, AUM ~₹9,700 Cr) but haven't acted on it yet. I'd like views on whether this switch makes sense and whether the timing matters or shall I continue in the same funds and folio. Would like the community's take on the above folio. Thanks.
Ans: You have built a thoughtful and disciplined portfolio since 2017. Managing two separate long-term goals with category allocation and SIP consistency shows strong planning maturity. Your SIP size, time horizon clarity, and asset diversification already place you ahead of many investors.

Let us review each part of your portfolio carefully and improve where required.

» Overall portfolio structure suitability for your two goals

Your goals:

– Child education (7-year horizon)
– Retirement (18-year horizon)

Your current structure separates these goals logically. This is a very good practice.

However one improvement is required.

Index category exposure is currently forming a meaningful portion of your education goal allocation. For a 7-year horizon, actively managed equity allocation generally works better than passive exposure because:

– index funds only mirror market returns
– they cannot reduce downside risk
– they cannot shift sectors when valuations are high
– they cannot select emerging growth companies early
– they cannot generate alpha during active market cycles

For a goal that is only 7 years away, downside protection and active allocation flexibility are important.

So replacing index category exposure gradually with flexi cap or large & midcap category exposure improves goal reliability.

» Suitability of your retirement portfolio allocation

Your retirement horizon is 18 years. This is ideal for:

– midcap category exposure
– small cap category exposure
– flexi cap category exposure

Your allocation toward growth categories supports wealth creation strongly.

So the structure for retirement is appropriate and can be continued with small refinements.

» Whether international exposure should be added

International diversification is useful but not mandatory.

Benefits:

– reduces India-only market risk
– provides exposure to global innovation sectors
– improves currency diversification

However concerns like taxation complexity and portfolio simplicity are valid.

Since your horizon is already supported by strong domestic diversification across market caps, international exposure may be added later gradually but is not essential immediately.

Priority should remain strengthening domestic active allocation first.

» Whether gold allocation should be added

Gold works as a stabiliser, not a return generator.

Gold helps:

– during equity corrections
– during inflation phases
– during global uncertainty periods

For long-term investors like you, allocation of 5% to 10% is sufficient.

It should not replace equity allocation but support it as a hedge layer.

» Whether stopping NPS Tier 1 SIP is a good decision

You mentioned no additional deduction benefit under new tax regime.

Still NPS Tier 1 has advantages:

– retirement discipline lock-in
– low-cost structure
– asset allocation flexibility
– additional pension-layer diversification

If retirement planning is already strong through mutual funds, redirecting the monthly amount into equity categories can improve flexibility.

If you reallocate that amount, better destinations are:

– flexi cap category fund
– large & midcap category fund

These improve balance inside your retirement bucket.

» Concern about midcap category fund manager change and concentration

Your observation is very practical and shows strong monitoring discipline.

Midcap category funds sometimes run concentrated portfolios. After a fund manager change:

– strategy continuity becomes uncertain
– stock selection pattern may change
– risk profile may shift temporarily

Instead of exiting immediately:

Better approach:

– continue SIP for now
– monitor performance for 6 to 12 months
– review portfolio churn pattern
– check consistency versus category average

Switch only if performance divergence becomes visible.

Immediate switching after manager change is usually not necessary.

» Concern about small cap category fund closure for lump sum investment

Closure for lump sum investment normally happens because:

– fund size becomes large
– liquidity management becomes difficult
– protection of existing investors becomes priority

This is not a negative signal.

It is actually a protection step taken by the fund house.

Switching to another small cap category fund only because of closure is not required.

However diversification across two small cap funds is sometimes useful if allocation size is high.

If small cap allocation already exceeds 10% to 15% of total portfolio, then avoid increasing exposure further.

Timing small cap switches rarely improves results.

Consistency matters more.

» Suggested refinements to improve goal achievement probability

Education goal bucket:

– gradually reduce index exposure
– increase flexi cap allocation
– add large & midcap category exposure
– shift partially toward hybrid allocation after 4 years remaining period

Retirement goal bucket:

– continue midcap allocation
– continue small cap allocation within limits
– increase flexi cap allocation gradually
– consider small gold allocation for hedge

NPS allocation decision:

– continue if discipline advantage required
or
– redirect toward flexi cap category fund if flexibility preferred

» Finally

Your portfolio structure is already strong and goal-aligned.

Only these improvements can increase success probability further:

– reduce index exposure in education goal bucket
– continue midcap exposure but monitor post manager-change consistency
– do not switch small cap fund only due to lump sum closure
– add small gold allocation as hedge
– optionally redirect NPS contribution into flexi cap or large & midcap category allocation for flexibility

With these refinements, your education and retirement goals remain well supported for long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |720 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2026Hindi
Relationship
Currently , I am in 2nd year of my clg , btech CCE in MUJ .... Studies are fine. After my breakup with my first bf( 3 years back) it really shook me of as I got to know he cheated on me and I wasted my precious time thinking about him though I have overcame from this .... So I met this guy online .... We are from same clg but diff department... Class are on the same floor so we met a few times but that was also an eye contact or simple hi hello .... We started talking from 2nd sem .... And in 2nd-3rd sem it felt like he liked me but I wasn't ready. And he never brought this topic it was simply friendly banter or thoda bahut flirting and now from the starting of 4th sem things have changed like in his behaviour, way he used to talk, holding the convos ..it's like he's cutting me.... though I talked about this and he cleared like it's nothing like that but yeah many things are changed .... We dont talk like we used to , he seems non interested, late replies ... And here as soon as I started liking him he got off ... I even gave him slight hints but now it feels like I am desperate to talk it is making me feel clingy distracted that I can't just stop thinking about it ... It's becoming a hindrance in my studies . .. I feel like whenever I start to like someone that other person gets off like he's not interested it has happened a many of times .. it makes me feels o dumb and stupid like do I even have something that the other person would like me or even just stop being non interested or giving mixed signals
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how you are feeling and it is very normal to question yourself when you notice the pattern more than one time. But trust me, it is not you. Sometimes people have fleeting feelings for each other. It can also be that since the guy did not feel you reciprocate the same feeling, he moved on to protect his heart. Or some people with casual feelings just lose interest as soon as the chase is over. The reason does not matter; what matters here is that it's not your fault. This clingy, distracted feeling will pass soon. This is not love; you just miss feeling important to someone and it's completely normal. Don't think of this as a loss. He was never the right person for you to begin with if he wants to cut you off suddenly. You deserve to be loved completely, not just when it's convenient for them.

Hope this helps.

...Read more

Dr Upneet

Dr Upneet Kaur  |81 Answers  |Ask -

Marriage counsellor - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 01, 2026Hindi
Relationship
I feel invisible in my own marriage. I’m 36 now, and we are married for 8 years with a beautiful daughter. My wife is a great mother, homemaker and manages everything at home, but we have nothing in common. We haven’t had a real conversation or emotional connection in years. Recently, I got emotionally attached to a senior female colleague who actually listened to me. We went out for coffee and there was an instant emotional connection. I don't feel guilty but I am confused. Is this how emotional affairs begin in long-term marriages? Is it wrong to choose a partner who you are emotionally compatible with?
Ans: Hello sir. I hope you are in good health. Marriage is a long term association in which slowly and slowly we get to know about the positives and negatives of a person. We all have two sides. One is romantic and other is the one who handles all the responsibility. Isn't it good that your wife responsibly handles all the household chores along with your kids and takes care of your needs too. May be she is also lost somewhere and is burdened under all responsibilities. I understand that you may have problems and you may not feel the emotional connection between you too.
There are ways to sort out this. Find some common interest that you both enjoy and do such activities. You may talk with your wife at the end of the day and ask her about her day, you can share about your day. You can discuss your future plans.
In previous times extra marital affairs were very less. Because people used to work with each other and work on each other. They never used to give up on each other. That's why the relationships used to last for more than 50 years even.
You can talk to your colleague as a friend. Friends do listen to each other and have emotional connect but having more than that would not be advisable.
I hope you get some light in your mind.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet Kaur
Follow me on: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1792 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 17, 2026Hindi
Relationship
I'm a 53 year old married man living with two sons. In 2020, my wife found that I am having an affair and left for her parent's place. We were never compatible and having children was her choice. I had told her before our marriage that I am not the husband she was hoping me to be. She chose to be a homemaker and insisted on having kids. Before marriage, I had also mentioned to her that I am seeing someone who was going through her own separation, but she said she wanted to marry me for her own freedom. Now she's living with her parents and we have no contact whatsover. We haven't spoken in all these years but she doesn't want to consent to divorce. I have singlehandedly taken care of my sons in these 6 years. She speaks to her sons when they are outside, and they told me she wants them to stay with me because she doesn't want to work or provide for them. I am okay to provide alimony but she doesn't want to sign the divorce papers. My lawyer has tried to speak with her but she wants to stay married so that I can suffer. What kind of punishment is this? What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What can you do about it? If she does not want a divorce and this is a vengeance thing for your affair, the only thing you can do is speak with her. All the stuff that went South needs to be addressed and YES, there will be a point in time where she will expect you apologize. Yes, you did mention to her about how you view marriage BUT you still went ahead and married and had had kids as well. As far as she is concerned, she always was in an ideal marriage while you had your definition for it and both of you lived the relationship in your own ways.
The best is to appeal to her better sense and hope that someday she will see that it is better to separate than stick together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1792 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 20, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 14, 2026Hindi
Relationship
My parents are against my divorce. I am married for 17 years but we have been living as stranger for the past 7 years. We had an arranged marriage and we don't get along. Initially I thought it was because we had a 6 year age gap. But most days, it has been rough. No respect from in-laws, constant arguments and fighting. Husband wanted me to stay away for some time but I realised he is just finding grounds for divorce from my end. He doesn't want to give alimony and wants full custody of our 14 year old son. I have mortgaged my gold to buy this 3bhk house but he dismisses my contribution because the house is in his mother's name. She is still alive. My mental peace is destroyed. But i want to do the right thing for us and my son. Anu mam, do you think I should live separate and give up my rights to this house and my son? If he files for divorce will he have a better advantage than me? Please guide what to do.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Whether you should make the marriage work or live separately is a decision that is yours to make; what I can suggest is to actually understand and become aware as to what you want in life.
If marriage was always an important thing, then maybe some work in that direction can help which means you may have to as a couple set aside differences and work as a unit to put the marriage back together. This also will require your husband to cooperate and view it as important as you do. So, have a conversation with him without it leading into an argument.
Now, if you choose to go separate how and what will be an advantage is something that only a lawyer will be able to guide you on.
So, as a first step become aware about whether you view marriage as an important structure in your life or not; the rest of the steps will follow from this.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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