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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Abhimanyu Question by Abhimanyu on May 25, 2024Hindi
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Money

Dear Sir, wanted to start an SIP , never before have invested. Have Rs. 5,000.00 to invest .Age is 52 , kindly advice which fund .Investment is not for long term sir

Ans: It’s wonderful that you’re considering starting an SIP investment. At 52, planning your investments is crucial, even if it's not for the long term. Let’s explore the best options for your Rs 5,000 monthly SIP to ensure you achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Importance of Short-Term Investments
Given your age and the preference for a short-term investment, it's essential to focus on funds that provide stability and moderate growth. Your investment should aim to balance between safety and returns, considering the shorter investment horizon.

Evaluating Fund Options
For short-term investments, certain types of mutual funds are more suitable. These include debt funds, balanced funds, and conservative hybrid funds. These funds are designed to provide stable returns with lower risk compared to equity funds, which are more volatile and suited for long-term investments.

Debt Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like government bonds, corporate bonds, and other debt instruments. These funds offer more stability and predictable returns, making them ideal for short-term goals.

Advantages:

Lower risk compared to equity funds.
Steady and predictable returns.
Suitable for short-term financial goals.
Disadvantages:

Lower returns compared to equity funds.
Sensitive to interest rate changes.
Balanced Funds
Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, invest in a mix of equity and debt instruments. This balance aims to provide moderate returns with controlled risk.

Advantages:

Diversification across asset classes.
Moderate risk with potential for decent returns.
Suitable for investors with a medium-term horizon.
Disadvantages:

More volatile than pure debt funds.
Returns are not guaranteed.
Conservative Hybrid Funds
Conservative hybrid funds predominantly invest in debt instruments with a small portion in equities. They aim to provide stable returns with minimal risk.

Advantages:

Higher safety with a small equity exposure for better returns.
Suitable for conservative investors.
Better returns than pure debt funds in some cases.
Disadvantages:

Slightly more risk than pure debt funds.
Limited upside potential compared to balanced funds.
Recommended Investment Strategy
Considering your age and short-term investment goal, a conservative approach with a focus on stability and moderate returns is advisable. Here’s a suggested strategy:

Conservative Hybrid Fund: Allocate Rs 3,000 per month. These funds provide a good mix of safety and moderate growth.

Debt Fund: Allocate Rs 2,000 per month. This ensures stability and predictable returns.

Monitoring Your Investment
Regular Review: It's important to review your investment portfolio regularly, even if the investment horizon is short. This helps in making adjustments as per market conditions and personal financial goals.

Rebalancing: Periodically rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation. This ensures your investments are aligned with your risk tolerance and investment objectives.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds, where fund managers make strategic investment decisions, can provide higher returns compared to passively managed index funds. These funds aim to outperform the market through skilled management and timely adjustments.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, they lack professional guidance. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential ensures you receive expert advice tailored to your financial situation.

Conclusion
Starting an SIP with a conservative approach is a wise decision, given your short-term investment goal and age. By focusing on conservative hybrid funds and debt funds, you can achieve a balance between stability and moderate returns. Regular reviews and rebalancing are key to maintaining an optimal investment portfolio.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

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Sir i want to start a sip for 5k please suggest an sip for a long term investment. Current sip amount is 1k in hdfc mid cap opp. My age is 20
Ans: It's great to see your interest in starting a SIP at such a young age! Since you're already investing in HDFC Mid Cap Opportunities Fund, let's explore some other SIP options for long-term investment:

Large Cap Funds: Consider investing in large-cap funds, which typically invest in well-established companies with a proven track record. These funds offer stability and steady growth potential over the long term. Look for funds with a consistent performance history and a focus on quality stocks.
Multi-Cap Funds: Multi-cap funds invest across companies of different sizes, offering diversification and flexibility. These funds have the freedom to shift between large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions. Choose a fund with a seasoned fund manager and a disciplined investment approach.
Index Funds: Index funds replicate the performance of a specific market index, such as the Nifty 50 or Sensex. These funds have lower expense ratios and provide broad market exposure. Investing in index funds can be a cost-effective way to participate in the equity markets over the long term.
Balanced Advantage Funds: Balanced advantage funds dynamically allocate between equity and debt based on market valuations. These funds aim to provide stable returns with lower volatility. Consider investing in a balanced advantage fund for a balanced risk-return profile.
Global Funds: Global funds invest in international equities, providing exposure to global markets and diversification beyond domestic stocks. These funds offer the opportunity to benefit from global economic growth and innovation. Choose a global fund with a focus on quality companies and strong fundamentals.
Before selecting a SIP, assess your risk tolerance, investment goals, and time horizon. Consult with a Certified Financial Planner or investment advisor to choose a SIP that aligns with your financial objectives and risk profile. By starting early and investing consistently, you're laying the foundation for long-term wealth creation and financial security. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with your investment journey!

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

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Hi sir iam 36 yrs right now.i am planning to start sip of around 10000rs per month.please suggest some funds to invest
Ans: starting a SIP is a great decision. It's good to start early and stay consistent.

At 36, you have ample time to build a strong portfolio.

Importance of SIPs
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are powerful.

They help you invest small amounts regularly and build wealth over time.

SIPs also bring discipline and mitigate market volatility.

Categories of Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity funds invest in stocks.

They offer high growth potential but come with higher risk.

Ideal for long-term goals due to compounding.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds invest in bonds and fixed-income securities.

They provide stable returns with lower risk.

Suitable for short to medium-term goals.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds combine equity and debt.

They balance risk and reward.

Good for medium-term goals.

Evaluating Your Risk Appetite
Before choosing funds, assess your risk tolerance.

Higher risk can bring higher rewards but also higher losses.

Choose a mix of funds that match your comfort level.

Recommended Fund Types
Large Cap Funds
Large cap funds invest in large, established companies.

They are less volatile and provide stable returns.

Mid Cap Funds
Mid cap funds invest in medium-sized companies.

They offer higher growth potential with moderate risk.

Small Cap Funds
Small cap funds invest in small, emerging companies.

They are high-risk but can give high returns over the long term.

Multi Cap Funds
Multi cap funds invest across large, mid, and small cap stocks.

They offer diversification and balance risk and reward.

Balanced Advantage Funds
Balanced advantage funds adjust between equity and debt.

They provide stability and growth.

Suitable for moderate risk investors.

Steps to Start Your SIP
Define Your Goals

Identify your financial goals.

Is it retirement, children's education, or a big purchase?

Set Your Budget

You mentioned Rs. 10,000 per month.

Make sure it's affordable and sustainable.

Choose Fund Categories

Based on your risk appetite, select a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Start Small and Increase Gradually

Begin with Rs. 10,000 and increase as your income grows.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly review your investments.

Rebalance your portfolio based on performance and market conditions.

This keeps your investments aligned with your goals.

Tax Implications
Understand the tax implications of your investments.

Equity funds held for over a year have lower tax rates.

Debt funds held for over three years benefit from indexation.

Final Insights
Starting a SIP is a smart move.

Your plan to invest Rs. 10,000 monthly is a great start.

Diversify across large cap, mid cap, small cap, and balanced funds.

Monitor and rebalance regularly to stay on track.

With consistency and smart choices, you’ll achieve your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 18, 2024Hindi
Money
Hlo sir, im vijaylaxmi 24 yrs old i want to do sip please suggest which fund is best to invest
Ans: Vijaylaxmi, it’s great that you want to start investing at the young age of 24.

Starting early gives you the benefit of time.

Your investment horizon is likely to be long, which is ideal for SIP investments.

Before selecting any fund, it's important to understand your financial goals.

You need to assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial objectives.

Since you are young, you can afford to take some risk, but that should align with your comfort level.

If you want to build wealth over the long term, equity mutual funds would suit your needs.

They have the potential to offer higher returns in the long run compared to other asset classes.

However, you should stay invested for at least 5-7 years to ride out market fluctuations.

Diversification Across Funds

It’s crucial to diversify your investments across different fund categories.

Diversification will reduce risk by spreading your money across different sectors and asset classes.

You can consider investing in large-cap funds, multi-cap funds, and mid-cap funds for diversification.

Each type of fund comes with its own level of risk and potential return.

Large-cap funds are more stable, while mid-cap and multi-cap funds can offer higher returns but come with higher volatility.

Why Not Index Funds?

You might hear people suggesting index funds, but let’s evaluate them.

Index funds simply track a market index like Nifty 50 or Sensex.

They don’t have active fund management, which means there’s no expert to make decisions during market ups and downs.

Although they have lower costs, their returns may not always outperform actively managed funds.

With actively managed funds, a professional fund manager selects stocks, making adjustments to take advantage of market opportunities.

The Benefits of SIP in Actively Managed Funds

SIP or Systematic Investment Plan is an excellent way to invest in mutual funds.

It helps you invest a fixed amount regularly, regardless of market conditions.

This instills financial discipline and reduces the impact of market volatility through rupee cost averaging.

You won’t need to worry about timing the market; SIP takes care of that for you.

Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market, especially when you stay invested over the long term.

When you invest through SIP in an actively managed fund, you get the expertise of a fund manager making strategic decisions to maximize returns.

Regular Funds Over Direct Funds

Now, let’s talk about the mode of investment.

Direct funds may seem attractive because they have lower expense ratios, but investing through regular funds offers benefits.

Regular funds give you access to the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD).

Their advice can help you make informed decisions about your portfolio, especially if market conditions change.

A regular plan allows you to get ongoing support for your investment journey.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner can help you align your portfolio with your financial goals.

They bring a deeper understanding of markets and can help optimize your asset allocation over time.

Flexibility in Fund Choices

While selecting funds, ensure that you pick flexible options.

Some funds are rigid and only invest in a certain category of stocks, which can limit their performance during different market cycles.

Flexible funds, like multi-cap funds, allow the fund manager to shift between large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions.

This flexibility can increase the fund’s chances of delivering consistent returns over time.

Equity Fund for Long-Term Goals

If your goal is long-term wealth creation, equity mutual funds are your best bet.

They generally outperform debt funds, FDs, and other conservative instruments over time.

Equity funds can offer better inflation-adjusted returns.

These funds invest in the stock market, which is why their potential for growth is higher.

However, they come with short-term volatility.

So, it’s important to have patience and a long-term perspective when investing in equity funds.

Growth or Dividend Option?

When investing in mutual funds, you will have to choose between the growth and dividend options.

Since you are young and likely looking to accumulate wealth, the growth option is more suited for you.

The growth option allows your investment to compound over time, as any profits earned by the fund are reinvested into the fund.

The dividend option provides periodic payouts, which is more suitable for investors seeking regular income.

In your case, you may not need regular income right now, so the growth option will help you build a larger corpus in the long run.

Taxation on Mutual Funds

When investing in mutual funds, it’s important to understand the tax implications.

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) are taxed at 12.5% after Rs 1.25 lakh.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

This means if you sell your equity mutual fund units before three years, the gains will be taxed as STCG.

If you hold the fund for longer than three years, any gains above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed as LTCG.

Since your investment horizon is long-term, this will work in your favor as you can take advantage of the LTCG benefit.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Future Income

In the future, when you achieve your financial goals, you can convert your SIP investments into a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP).

An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount of money from your investment at regular intervals.

This is an effective way to create a steady stream of income from your mutual fund investment.

It can be particularly useful for retirement planning.

Since you are young, you have plenty of time to grow your investments before you need to rely on SWP.

Final Insights

At the age of 24, starting an SIP is a brilliant move.

Your time horizon allows you to take on equity market risks, which can result in higher long-term returns.

Diversify your investments across different fund categories to balance risk and return.

Actively managed funds offer better prospects than index funds due to the expertise of fund managers.

Choosing the growth option will help you accumulate wealth faster, as your profits will be reinvested.

Remember to stay invested for at least 5-7 years to maximize your returns.

As you move forward, work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your portfolio and make adjustments when necessary.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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I am 66 years old and retired and have one daughter married and well settled and has 2 children aged 5 years son and 3 years daughter. I have no liabilities and have a family income of Rs.3 lakhs per month thru rental. My monthly expenses is Rs 50 K per month and annual payments of medical, vehicle and property tax is Rs.3.25 Lakhs. I have direct equity invested around 1.2 CR and Invested in PMS now valued at Rs.85 Lakhs. I have plot valued at 1.6 CR and 2 independent house valued at 3cr. I have a commercial property which gives me above rental is valued at Rs.5 CR. Now kindly advise me how i should investment my earnings which will help my daughter and 2 grand children for for their future education. My above income is after paying the taxes to the government. I lead a simple life and travel every year 2 times.
Ans: Your financial position is strong with no liabilities.

Monthly rental income of Rs. 3 lakhs covers your expenses and lifestyle.

Monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 and annual expenses of Rs. 3.25 lakhs leave ample surplus.

You have diversified assets, including equity (Rs. 1.2 crore), PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs), real estate (Rs. 9.6 crore), and regular rental income.

You lead a simple life, which allows significant potential for wealth accumulation and legacy planning.

Investment Goals
Your primary focus is to:

Ensure financial security for your family.

Support your daughter and grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Maintain sufficient liquidity for personal travel and unexpected medical costs.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
1. Equity Investments
Your current direct equity portfolio (Rs. 1.2 crore) and PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs) are commendable.

Direct equity requires active tracking and expertise.

Shift part of your direct equity to regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Regular funds offer professional management and long-term growth.

Retain PMS if it meets your return expectations and aligns with your risk appetite.

2. Emergency Fund
Allocate 6–12 months of expenses to liquid funds.

This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses or emergencies.

Investments for Daughter and Grandchildren
1. Education Fund for Grandchildren
Start investing in child-focused mutual funds for their education.

Choose regular funds through an experienced Certified Financial Planner.

These funds offer professional management and goal-based growth.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity funds can help accumulate the required corpus.

2. Legacy Fund
Invest in diversified mutual funds for wealth creation.

Choose a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced advantage funds.

This portfolio can grow steadily while preserving wealth.

Real Estate Diversification
Avoid further investments in real estate.

Real estate is illiquid and challenging to manage during retirement.

Liquidate one property if diversification is needed.

Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds or bonds.

Fixed Income Options
Consider investing in corporate bonds or debentures for steady income.

Choose bonds rated “AAA” for safety.

Avoid annuities as they provide low returns and limited flexibility.

Tax-Efficient Planning
Review tax-saving strategies with a Certified Financial Planner.

Equity investments (LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%) are tax-efficient.

Ensure proper tax documentation for real estate and rental income.

Track PMS returns and tax implications yearly.

Liquidity and Annual Expenses
Set aside Rs. 25–30 lakhs in a liquid fund.

This covers your annual travel, property taxes, and medical expenses.

Keep medical insurance for yourself and your family updated.

Succession and Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure smooth asset transfer.

Include clear instructions for property distribution.

Discuss creating a trust for your grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Travel and Lifestyle Funding
Use rental income surplus to fund annual travel.

Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments for discretionary expenses.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial foundation.

Focus on simplifying investments for better management.

Diversify and invest in professionally managed mutual funds.

Plan for family needs with a balanced approach to risk and growth.

Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

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