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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7410 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 07, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 04, 2024Hindi
Money

Hi Vivek, my question is around retirement saving taxation and if one should invest in NPS based on the same. So like anyone with Basic of 41L annual, already has EPF of 5.9L. NPS at 14% means 6.9L, and so the total retirement contribution = 12.8L annually. So should NPS be considered? If yes how much annually?

Ans: At a basic annual salary of Rs 41 lakh, your retirement contributions through EPF and the National Pension System (NPS) are substantial. The current Rs 5.9 lakh from EPF and Rs 6.9 lakh from NPS (at 14% employer contribution) amount to Rs 12.8 lakh annually. Now, the critical question arises: should you further invest in NPS? Let’s evaluate this in detail.

Understanding Your Current Contributions
1. EPF Contributions
The Employees' Provident Fund (EPF) provides a safe and relatively high-interest-bearing retirement savings option. Your EPF contribution of Rs 5.9 lakh annually is a good start toward securing your retirement.

2. NPS Contributions at 14%
The employer contribution to NPS at 14% results in an additional Rs 6.9 lakh towards your retirement savings. NPS, being a market-linked investment, has the potential to grow at a higher rate than EPF, depending on the asset allocation and fund performance.

3. Total Retirement Contribution
With Rs 12.8 lakh already allocated annually, you have a substantial amount being set aside for your retirement. However, you might still want to consider whether this will be enough to meet your long-term goals, factoring in inflation and your future expenses.

Should You Invest More in NPS?
1. Tax Benefits of NPS
NPS provides attractive tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B), where you can claim an additional Rs 50,000 tax deduction. This is over and above the Rs 1.5 lakh allowed under Section 80C. However, since NPS withdrawals are partially taxed, you need to consider the tax impact on maturity. At retirement, 60% of the NPS corpus is tax-free, while the remaining 40% must be used to purchase an annuity, which is taxable as per your slab.

2. Balancing Tax Savings with Liquidity
While NPS offers tax savings during the accumulation phase, the lack of liquidity and the mandatory annuitisation on retirement limit your control over the funds. If liquidity during retirement is important to you, you may want to reconsider how much more to invest in NPS.

Diversifying Beyond NPS
1. Equity and Debt Mutual Funds
If you are looking for more flexibility and control over your investments, mutual funds offer a better alternative. With a wide range of options in equity, hybrid, and debt funds, you can align your portfolio with your risk appetite. Unlike NPS, mutual funds provide easier access to your funds, should the need arise before retirement.

2. Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
By investing through regular mutual funds with the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), you benefit from active fund management. This allows you to maximise your returns while minimising risks, unlike passive investments such as index funds that lack the flexibility to adjust to market conditions.

Limitations of NPS
1. Taxation at Maturity
As mentioned earlier, while NPS contributions provide tax relief during the accumulation phase, the maturity proceeds are partially taxed. The 40% annuitisation is a significant limitation, as it locks in your funds and subjects the annuity income to your regular tax slab.

2. Lack of Liquidity
NPS does not provide the same level of liquidity as mutual funds. Once invested, your money is locked in until retirement, with only limited withdrawals allowed under specific circumstances like medical emergencies or home purchase.

How Much to Invest Annually?
1. Additional NPS Contributions
If you decide to invest more in NPS, you can contribute an additional Rs 50,000 annually to avail yourself of the tax benefit under Section 80CCD(1B). However, whether to invest more than this amount depends on your overall retirement strategy and liquidity requirements.

2. Diversification Strategy
Instead of increasing your NPS contribution beyond Rs 50,000, you might consider diversifying your retirement savings across different asset classes. A well-balanced portfolio with a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds, along with your existing EPF and NPS, will help you achieve your financial goals while managing risks effectively.

Taxation and Withdrawal Planning
1. Managing Taxation Efficiently
Given the tax implications of NPS withdrawals, it is crucial to plan your post-retirement cash flow efficiently. You can stagger your withdrawals from NPS to reduce the overall tax burden, while ensuring that you meet your retirement income needs. Additionally, investments in mutual funds can be structured in a way that minimises the tax impact, especially with the new rules for long-term and short-term capital gains taxation.

2. Tax on Equity and Debt Mutual Funds
When selling equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%, while short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. For debt mutual funds, LTCG and STCG are taxed according to your income tax slab. By investing in these funds, you can create a tax-efficient portfolio that balances growth with tax savings.

Long-Term Wealth Creation
1. Power of Compounding
The earlier you start investing, the more you can benefit from the power of compounding. Whether it’s NPS or mutual funds, long-term investments have the potential to grow exponentially over time. A combination of NPS, EPF, and mutual funds will ensure that you have a diversified retirement corpus.

2. Regular Portfolio Review
It’s important to review your portfolio regularly, especially as you near retirement. Your financial situation, risk tolerance, and market conditions will evolve over time. By working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), you can ensure that your retirement plan remains on track.

Final Insights
To summarise, NPS offers significant tax benefits and is a solid retirement option, but it comes with limitations like taxation at maturity and mandatory annuitisation. If you wish to further invest in NPS, limit it to Rs 50,000 annually to avail the tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1B).

Instead of putting all your eggs in the NPS basket, consider diversifying your investments across actively managed equity and debt mutual funds. This will provide you with flexibility, liquidity, and potentially higher returns, while allowing you to manage your tax liability effectively.

Regularly review your portfolio and adjust your contributions as you approach retirement. By diversifying your investments and seeking the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), you can secure a comfortable and financially stable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Moneywize

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Financial Planner - Answered on Mar 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 24, 2024Hindi
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I'm retiring in September 2024. I'll be getting about 1 cr PF amount and about Rs 50 lakh in NPS account. Do I have to defer NPS to save tax and invest PF amount in fixed income schemes and equity for growth?
Ans: You don't necessarily need to defer NPS withdrawal to save tax on your retirement corpus. Here's a breakdown of the tax implications and a suggestion for managing your retirement corpus:

Tax treatment of NPS and PF withdrawals:

NPS: NPS offers tax benefits under Section 80CCD(1) for contributions and partial withdrawal at retirement is tax-free up to 40%. The remaining 60% is distributed as 20% tax-free and 40% taxable as per your income slab.

PF: The entire PF corpus (including interest) is tax-free at withdrawal.

Considering your situation:

Upon retirement, you'll receive Rs 1 crore from PF which is entirely tax-free.

Out of Rs 50 lakh in NPS, 40% (Rs 20 lakh) will be tax-free and the remaining 60% (Rs 30 lakh) will be partially taxable. Assuming you're in the highest tax bracket (30%), you might incur a tax of Rs 9 lakh on the taxable portion.

Deferring NPS vs Investing in Fixed Income/Equity:

Deferring NPS to save tax on the entire amount might not be the most optimal strategy. Here's why:

Access to funds: Deferring NPS restricts your access to a significant portion of your retirement corpus.

Tax-free income: The Rs 1 crore from PF is already a substantial tax-free amount that can cover your basic needs.

Possible strategy:

You can withdraw the entire NPS corpus and pay the tax on the taxable portion (around Rs 9 lakh).

Invest the remaining corpus (Rs 1 crore from PF + Rs 41 lakh from NPS - Rs 9 lakh tax) for growth. You can consider a mix of fixed income and equity investments based on your risk tolerance. For example, 60% in equity (higher risk, potentially higher returns)

40% in fixed income (lower risk, lower returns).

Consulting a financial advisor:

This is a simplified example, and it's recommended to consult a financial advisor for personalised advice considering your risk profile and financial goals. They can help you create a retirement plan that optimises your tax benefits and aligns with your investment needs.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7410 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

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I am a Grade-III state govt. servant covered under Tier-I NPS. The accumulated NPS amount of employee contribution and employer contribution is 14 lakh. I have also invested in Mutual Funds an amount of 10000 for the last 5 years. I am going to retire after 6 years. Are the investment of NPS and MF are sufficient for retirement fund.
Ans: Evaluating Your Current Retirement Portfolio
Your accumulated NPS amount of Rs. 14 lakh and consistent investment in mutual funds demonstrate disciplined financial planning. Let's assess if these investments will be sufficient for your retirement fund.

Understanding Your Retirement Goals
Retirement Corpus: To evaluate your retirement corpus, we need to understand your retirement goals. This includes your expected monthly expenses, lifestyle, and inflation.

Time Horizon: You have 6 years until retirement. This is a relatively short time frame for investment growth.

National Pension System (NPS)
Contribution and Growth: Your NPS has accumulated Rs. 14 lakh. NPS offers a mix of equity and debt investments, providing a balanced growth approach.

Tax Benefits: NPS contributions offer tax benefits, which is an added advantage. At retirement, you can withdraw up to 60% of the corpus tax-free, while 40% is mandatorily used for purchasing an annuity.

Mutual Fund Investments
Investment Pattern: Investing Rs. 10,000 monthly for the last 5 years shows a strong commitment. Mutual funds, especially equity funds, can offer higher returns over the long term.

Potential Growth: Assuming an average annual return of 12%, your mutual fund investments can grow significantly in the next 6 years. However, market volatility should be considered.

Assessing Sufficiency for Retirement
Projected Growth of NPS: Assuming an average annual return of 10%, your NPS corpus can grow considerably in the next 6 years. This growth will depend on the asset allocation within NPS.

Projected Growth of Mutual Funds: Your mutual fund investments will continue to grow. Consistent SIPs and market performance will influence the final corpus.

Expected Retirement Corpus:
Let's estimate the potential corpus at retirement:

NPS Corpus: Rs. 14 lakh growing at 10% annually.
Mutual Funds Corpus: Rs. 10,000 monthly SIP for 11 years growing at 12% annually.
Additional Considerations
Inflation: Consider inflation's impact on your retirement corpus. Inflation erodes the purchasing power of money over time.

Lifestyle and Expenses: Estimate your monthly expenses post-retirement. Include medical costs, travel, and other lifestyle choices.

Contingency Fund: Maintain a contingency fund for emergencies. This prevents dipping into retirement savings for unexpected expenses.

Recommendations for Enhancing Retirement Corpus
Increase SIP Amount: Gradually increase your SIP amount if possible. This leverages the power of compounding and accelerates growth.

Diversify Investments: Ensure your mutual fund portfolio is well-diversified across different sectors and market caps. This reduces risk and enhances returns.

Review and Rebalance: Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures alignment with your risk profile and financial goals.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner: Personalized advice from a certified financial planner can help optimize your investment strategy. They can tailor recommendations based on your specific needs and goals.

Conclusion
Your current investments in NPS and mutual funds show good financial discipline. With some adjustments and increased contributions, you can work towards achieving a sufficient retirement corpus.

Consider inflation, lifestyle needs, and maintain a diversified portfolio. Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7410 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, My current epf is 10k monthly and 30k annually in ppf. Thus cealing my 80c to 1.5lakhs. I am thinking of starting an NPS of 10k as well for my retirement. Will this 10k of nps be taxable as as i have already capped my 80c i know i have 50k more deductable in 80ccd for nps. But since total will be 120k annually thus wanted to understand if these will be taxable? And will it effect my return after 30 years. As of now i am 30 years old
Ans: You contribute Rs 10,000 monthly to EPF and Rs 30,000 annually to PPF. This totals Rs 1.5 lakhs under Section 80C.

Considering NPS Contribution
You plan to start contributing Rs 10,000 monthly to NPS for retirement. This would amount to Rs 1.2 lakhs annually.

Tax Implications
Section 80C and 80CCD
Your contributions under Section 80C are already maxed out at Rs 1.5 lakhs. However, Section 80CCD(1B) allows an additional Rs 50,000 deduction specifically for NPS contributions.

Taxability of NPS Contribution
The Rs 1.2 lakhs NPS contribution is partly deductible. Rs 50,000 can be claimed under Section 80CCD(1B). The remaining Rs 70,000 will be taxable.

Effect on Return
Long-Term Growth Potential
NPS has a mix of equity and debt investments. This helps in balanced growth. Over 30 years, NPS can grow significantly due to compounding.

Withdrawal Rules
At retirement, 60% of NPS corpus is tax-free. The remaining 40% must be used to purchase an annuity. The annuity income is taxable.

Advantages of NPS
Additional Tax Benefits
NPS offers an extra Rs 50,000 deduction under Section 80CCD(1B). This is over and above the Rs 1.5 lakhs under Section 80C.

Long-Term Growth
NPS investments benefit from compounding. The mix of equity and debt can provide balanced returns.

Retirement Security
NPS provides a steady income post-retirement through annuities.

Disadvantages of NPS
Taxability of Annuity
The annuity income from NPS is taxable. This can reduce your net returns in retirement.

Withdrawal Restrictions
NPS has strict withdrawal rules. Partial withdrawals are allowed only for specific purposes before retirement.

Final Insights
Your current EPF and PPF contributions maximize Section 80C benefits. Starting an NPS contribution of Rs 10,000 monthly is a good idea. You get an additional Rs 50,000 deduction under Section 80CCD(1B). However, the remaining Rs 70,000 will be taxable. NPS has long-term growth potential but comes with some tax implications. Plan your investments considering both the benefits and restrictions of NPS.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7410 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 03, 2025Hindi
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I am 57 yrs , I have monthly income is 8.0 lakhs & want to retire at 60. I have 2.5 cr in MF and 50 lakhs in stock how much should I invest in MF & stocks
Ans: At 57, with a monthly income of Rs. 8 lakhs, you are in a strong financial position. You already have Rs. 2.5 crore in mutual funds and Rs. 50 lakhs in stocks. Retiring at 60 is achievable with proper planning. Let’s focus on enhancing your investments to secure a comfortable retirement.

Assessing Your Current Investments
Mutual Funds: Rs. 2.5 crore in mutual funds offers diversification and stability.

Stocks: Rs. 50 lakhs in stocks adds growth potential but comes with higher risk.

Retirement Target: Estimate your post-retirement expenses to calculate the required corpus. Include inflation-adjusted costs.

Recommended Mutual Fund Allocation
Increase SIP Contributions: With high income, raise your monthly SIPs in mutual funds.

Diversify Across Fund Categories: Allocate funds to large-cap, mid-cap, and hybrid funds. They balance risk and returns effectively.

Debt Mutual Funds: Add debt funds to maintain stability and liquidity in your portfolio.

Tax-Efficient Options: Choose equity-oriented hybrid funds for better post-tax returns.

Balancing Stock Investments
Reduce Exposure Gradually: Stocks can be volatile, especially closer to retirement. Shift some stock investments to mutual funds or safer options.

Invest in Quality Stocks: Retain investments in blue-chip or dividend-paying stocks for consistent returns.

Avoid Speculative Stocks: Focus on stable and established companies for reduced risk.

Tax Efficiency and Withdrawal Planning
Equity Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Debt Fund Taxation: Gains from debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.

Plan Withdrawals Wisely: Spread withdrawals over financial years to minimise tax liability.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Target Corpus: Calculate the required retirement corpus for the next 25–30 years.

Inflation-Protected Income: Invest in funds that offer inflation-beating returns for financial security.

Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund covering at least two years of expenses.

Diversification and Risk Management
Asset Allocation: Maintain a 60:40 equity-to-debt ratio initially. Gradually reduce equity exposure closer to retirement.

Periodic Reviews: Review your portfolio semi-annually and rebalance as needed.

Risk Assessment: Avoid overexposure to volatile asset classes nearing retirement.

Planning for Healthcare and Contingencies
Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for you and your family.

Contingency Funds: Allocate a portion of your portfolio to liquid assets for emergencies.

Minimise Unnecessary Risks: Avoid risky investments that could erode your wealth.

Final Insights
You are on the right track to achieve a secure retirement. Increase mutual fund SIPs, reduce stock exposure gradually, and maintain a balanced portfolio.

Focus on building an inflation-adjusted retirement corpus while ensuring tax efficiency. Periodic reviews and disciplined investing will help you achieve your financial goals.

Your high income and existing investments are commendable. With proper planning, you can enjoy a stress-free retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7410 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2025Hindi
Money
Im 40 years old with a corpus of 2cr consisting of 50% equity funds and 50% of FDs, PPF , PF . Combined income of 2 lakh and have a 10 year old daughter.Doing SIP of 1lakh in equity funds and no loans. Is it possible to accumlate corpus of 10 cr within next 10 years ? What should be done additionally to achieve that goal?
Ans: Your existing corpus of Rs. 2 crore is a strong foundation. Splitting it equally between equity and fixed-income instruments ensures diversification. A monthly SIP of Rs. 1 lakh in equity funds is commendable, showing disciplined investing. With your current financial habits, you are well-positioned for wealth creation. However, achieving Rs. 10 crore in 10 years requires strategic adjustments and focused planning.

Evaluating the Rs. 10 Crore Target
To reach Rs. 10 crore in 10 years, your investments need to grow significantly. This goal demands higher annualised returns and enhanced contributions. Relying solely on current SIPs and portfolio returns may not suffice. Let’s identify steps to bridge the gap.

Optimising Your Equity Allocation
Increase SIP Contributions: With a combined income of Rs. 2 lakh and no loans, increasing SIPs is feasible. Incrementally raise your monthly SIP by Rs. 50,000 or more.

Choose Growth-Oriented Funds: Focus on funds with a proven track record in midcap and small-cap segments. These categories have the potential for higher returns over a 10-year horizon.

Monitor Fund Performance: Periodically review your equity funds. Replace underperforming schemes with actively managed funds showing consistent returns.

Leveraging Fixed-Income Investments
Enhance PF Contributions: If your PF contributions can increase through voluntary contributions, it will ensure stability while adding to long-term growth.

Review FDs: Fixed Deposits provide safety but may not match inflation-adjusted growth. Shift a portion to debt mutual funds for tax-efficient returns.

Continue PPF Investments: PPF is an excellent tax-free instrument. Ensure you maximise the Rs. 1.5 lakh annual limit.

Balancing Tax Efficiency
Equity Fund Taxation: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Plan withdrawals to minimise this tax impact.

Debt Fund Taxation: Gains from debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab. Select funds with low turnover to optimise post-tax returns.

Tax-Saving Opportunities: Invest in ELSS funds if you haven't exhausted the Rs. 1.5 lakh Section 80C limit.

Strategic Investment Adjustments
Goal-Linked Investments: Allocate investments specifically for this goal. Separate it from your child’s education or other financial goals.

Increase Equity Proportion: Consider a higher equity allocation, such as 70% equity and 30% fixed income. Equity delivers better inflation-adjusted returns over the long term.

Reinvest Returns: Do not withdraw returns. Reinvest them to compound the growth of your corpus.

Regular Reviews and Adjustments
Annual Financial Reviews: Assess progress toward your goal annually. Adjust contributions or allocations as needed.

Stay Updated: Keep track of changes in mutual fund performance, market trends, and tax regulations.

Seek Expertise: Engage with a Certified Financial Planner to tailor your strategy further.

Diversification and Risk Management
Balanced Portfolio: Ensure your portfolio is diversified across sectors and asset classes.

Emergency Fund: Maintain a separate emergency fund equal to six months’ expenses.

Risk Mitigation: Avoid overconcentration in a single asset class or fund category.

Child’s Education Planning
While focusing on Rs. 10 crore, don’t overlook your daughter’s education. Set aside a portion of your investments to meet this future expense.

Final Insights
Achieving Rs. 10 crore in 10 years is ambitious but achievable. With increased SIPs, strategic fund selection, and disciplined investing, you can reach your goal.

Reassess your portfolio annually and make necessary adjustments. Prioritise equity for higher returns and tax efficiency. Maintain focus and avoid unnecessary withdrawals.

Your financial habits and discipline are commendable. With focused efforts, you can build a significant corpus and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1422 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 01, 2025
Relationship
Hello ma'am, Meri age 30 sal ki hai aur meri wife 26 saal ki hai 3 saal pehle meri shadi hui aur humara ek 2 saal ka beta bhi hai, Bachcha hone ke baad me meri wife sex se bilkul dur chali gayi hai, Mahine dedh mahine me ek baar badi hi mushkil se sex kar pate hai, Aur us doran bhi jo sex karte time dono partners me feelings hoti hai, wo feelings us me aati hi nahi hai, Usko bas ye ek kaam lagta hai ke bas ho gaya ab tum mujhse dur ho jao, Aur ab ek nayi hi sharat rakh di hai unhone mere samne ghar ki hi koi baat hai jo wo sab janti hai uske bare me aur mujhse bolti hai ke wo wali baat tum apne muh se mujhe btao, kehti hai ke mujhe pta hai us baat per tumhara muh kabhi bhi nahi khulega , To ab tum mujhse dur hi raho. Main bohot jyada stress me chla Gaya hun. Ek hi bed per Sona per main unko touch bhi nahi kar sakta hu, touch karte hi mere haath ko dur fenk dete hai. Please suggest me?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Yeh kaunsi baat hai joh woh jaanti hai ke aap jaante ho par aap iske baare mein muh nahin kholenge? Yeh baat toh bilkul mere palle nahin pad rahi!
Aur rahi baat sex ki...bahut baar bacche ke aane ke baad ek Maa bacche ki parvarish mein itna vyast ho jaati hain ki thakaan se sex nahin kar paati ya karna nahin chati...ghar ke baaki kaamon mein bhi uljahkar thakaawat mehsoos karti hongi.
Unka haat bataakar kuch bojh halka ho jaayega unka toh shaayad woh aapki taraf dhyaan bhi de paayegi. Shaadi ke shuruwaat ke dinon ko waapas le aane ke piye aap dono ko aur isse phir se ek romance ka mahaul banega. Koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1422 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1422 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 31, 2024Hindi
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after 11 years of courtship i married my boyfriend with parents permission after convincing them .We have been married for 1 year now and in this one year i saw many changes in him.he gives importance to his mother takes decisons without discussing with me but with his mother.To please his mother he talks about me like she dint do that particular thing.Now he went abroad for job and i am pregnant .I left my job and shifted to my parent's place.He doesnt even talk to me or message me.I only have to message him.If i tel any of my pregnancy complaints he either tells his mother or says i am overthinking.Now he said if I dont follow his house rule i better stay in my parents place only .I am so upset and devastated.What should I do
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What according to you have caused these changes in him and that too after 11 years of courtship? Did any instance cause him to act differently than before? And were there no indications of him acting different during your courtship days?
Why I ask this is that it is difficult for anyone to pretend for 11 long years! He would have displayed his current behavior sometime in the past and maybe you simply decided to overlook it?
Courtship days and marriage days are vastly different and what seemed okay during the courtship time becomes an issue after marriage. If this is not the case, it's quite possible that some incident which was seemingly small became a huge issue in his head causing him to act different?
Now, why am I going into this so much is because most often we overlook reasons that can be worked on. So, do think hard on this...
It is also time to involve your parents who can talk to his mother and figure out why her son is acting all weird. Surely, your mother-in-law needs to know that her interference the way it is, is going to destroy her son's marriage. So, get your parents to talk to her. And in the meantime, as hard as it may seem, do take care of your health for yourself and your baby.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |485 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am in a relationship with a girl since last 1.5 years, i told her everything regarding my financial status,my past ,everything.......she was also in a relationship for 5 years and she told me intially her ex mistreats her, abuse her , sexually force her and she hates him etc all this stuff.....but i found that she herself called her ex and then told me after 4 months...i forgive her but from last 2 months her behaviour is changed , now she is finding too many problems in how i look, my financial status and compare with other boys that they have car and they took their gf to long drives etc( her ex contacted her again and told her he got a job since then she starts all this stuff? She triggered my insecurities and i am feeling most useless and worst person... what should i do, does she really loves me? Please guide me ...i am started feeling depressed .......
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's address the most important thing first, does she really love you? I am not sure about that. It's neither a solid yes or a solid no. But therein lies the challenge. If there is confusion, there is concern. Moreover, the habit of drawing comparisons with other people and how they treat their partners is an indication of a toxic relationship. I would urge you to rethink this relationship.

There will always be someone better out there- with a better car, a better-paying job, or even better looking, but that doesn't mean we stop loving our partner and leave them for that "better someone." Loving your partner is a choice you make every day. Having said that, it is okay if she wants someone "better." Let her. You deserve better too.

Please reconsider this relationship, especially if it is causing you so much sorrow.

Best wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |485 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 26, 2024
Relationship
Hi i am 30yr old man i was in relationship with girl from school time since15 year with different caste in 2023 marriage proposal from another girl comes that time i talked with my family about my love they refused for marriage to her i did not put aggressive effort as i also don't want to hurt them after my marriage in a month i am remembering her continuously and start taking to her again i also told my wife about it she doesn't want to leave me (i also told her before our marriage but that time i told her that we broke up) after a year in this November her marriage is fixed by her parents now she is married since 2 month but she also don't want to live with her husband and want to come back We both wanted to come back to each other what should we do.??
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that it is a tricky situation. I am sorry I cannot tell you what you should do, but I can tell you that you have to handle this very carefully because it's a sensitive matter and involves too many people and their emotions. You can discuss the same with your family; you might be worried about upsetting them but at the end of the day, it's your life and you will have to live a long long time with the decisions you make. Sort your priorities- ask yourself these simple questions: what would hurt you more- hurting your parents and making your wife collateral damage because of your confusion or not living the rest of your life with the woman you love? Once you can answer these truthfully, it will be easier to make a choice.

Hope this helps

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