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Sanjib

Sanjib Jha  | Answer  |Ask -

Insurance Expert - Answered on Jul 29, 2022

Sanjib Jha is the CEO of Coverfox Insurance. His expertise includes health and auto insurance. He has over 22 years of experience in the financial sector. He has completed his post-graduation from the Institute of Company Secretaries of India.... more
Murali Question by Murali on Jul 29, 2022Hindi
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I have a unique situation and so a unique query. 

I have a medical insurance and a top up insurance since 2020 for my family of 4 (me, my wife and 2 children). I have renewed it on time so far. The current renewal is due soon. 

Meanwhile, I had to travel to the USA to meet my family, where my wife is employed on non-immigration visa for short term, with employer insurance for her and the family. 

During my stay in the USA, I unfortunately had a massive heart attack. The insurance took care of the expenses as per the policy. 

My question is, when I come back to India, will the insurer cover me for this heart attack (does it become pre-existing now?), related treatment expenses?

What are the IRDAI guidelines for such cases? What are my responsibilities? Will premiums increase? Will waiting period increase? Hope you can help. 

Ans: Hi Murali, sorry to hear about your health and wish you a speedy recovery. To answer your question, if there is no waiting period for heart attack in your policy then the same will be covered in the policy for any treatment done in India.

I suggest you to kindly declare the said ailment to the insurer. The premium will not increase considering this factor as the said ailment occurred after the policy issuance.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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 I am an employee of central govt. PSU. My family consists of myself, spouse, two minor children and mother. I am covered by a corporate group medical insurance policy for Rs 2 lakh with an additional emergency coverage of Rs 4 lakh by the employer. I also have a personal Family Floater policy for Rs 3 lakh and a Sr. Ctzn. Policy for Rs 1 lakh. I have not used the personal policies till date for any hospitalisation claim. I am aware that a claim exceeding the corporate policy limit can be claimed in the personal policy. Recently I was made to know that any planned hospitalisation exceeding the corporate claim limit, cannot be done using the second policy. I also know that there is a product called as top up policy which can be used in such cases. I have 8 years of remaining service where there is a medical insurance cover during the period. After retirement, the employer provides a basic policy of 1.5 lakh for the family. The same feels to be insufficient in today’s times. What would be your advice with regards to the existing medical insurance policies and their amounts? Should I need to undertake any tweaking of the policy amounts or switch to a top up policy?
Ans: Hi Pradeep, yours is a legit concern. It would be best if you take advice from a professional person or company – having the necessary qualifications -- after discussing your issue with them.

Insurance is each to its own. Depending on your concerns and requirements a professional service provider will be able to give you the best advice, whether to tweak policy amount or switch to top up.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 08, 2024

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I'm an NRI. We're planning to return to India for my wife's health reasons - the family support and help needed at home will be better here in India for changes in her lifestyle due to multiple health challenges she's facing. The question in front of us is, health insurance for my wife. Initially she is returning to India in June/July 2024 and in one year, I will be shifting after sorting out transferring my job from my US company our Hyderabad office - takes time for approvals and official/legal/immigration/financial norms to comply for the transfer. Once I transfer to Hyderabad in June/July 2025, I will get company provided health insurance in Hyd and my wife will be on it. Till then, for next one year, I'm working in US and I've company provided health insurance in US but not in India, but my wife will be in India. Can we buy health insurance as individuals in India? I quickly scanned and found Tata AIG, HDFC, ICICI offering health insurance but it was not clear to me whether private individuals can buy it, will it cover regular hospital visits, medicines, medical equipment supplied and how good the coverage and how well the participating hospitals are across the country and in major city like Hyderabad? My wife is diabetic, needs insulin, has arthritis, has gluten issues. Please help us with any insight, guidance you can provide on health insurance access for my wife.
Ans: Hello,
It's understandable that you're concerned about your wife's health insurance coverage during the transition period before you relocate to India permanently. Here are some insights and guidance to help you navigate this situation:
1. Health Insurance for Individuals: Yes, private individuals in India can purchase health insurance policies. Many insurance companies, including Tata AIG, HDFC, and ICICI, offer health insurance plans that cater to individual needs.
2. Coverage: Health insurance policies typically cover hospitalization expenses, including room rent, doctor's fees, medical tests, surgeries, and medication costs. However, coverage for pre-existing conditions such as diabetes, arthritis, and gluten issues may vary depending on the policy terms and conditions.
3. Policy Features: When selecting a health insurance policy, consider factors such as coverage for pre-existing conditions, waiting periods, network hospitals, claim settlement process, and premium costs. Look for policies that offer comprehensive coverage and benefits suited to your wife's specific health requirements.
4. Network Hospitals: Most health insurance providers have tie-ups with a network of hospitals where policyholders can avail of cashless treatment facilities. Before purchasing a policy, ensure that there are network hospitals available in Hyderabad and other cities where you may need medical assistance.
5. Customized Plans: Some insurance companies offer customized health insurance plans for individuals with pre-existing conditions. These plans may provide enhanced coverage for chronic illnesses like diabetes and arthritis. Consider exploring such options to meet your wife's healthcare needs.
6. Consultation with Insurance Advisor: To make an informed decision, consult with an insurance advisor or agent who can guide you through the process of selecting the right health insurance policy based on your wife's health condition, budget, and coverage requirements.
By researching various health insurance options, comparing policy features, and seeking expert advice, you can find a suitable health insurance solution to ensure your wife's medical needs are adequately covered during the transition period.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 24, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, my age is 40 yrs currently unmarried. Recently, I had to undergo a renal transplant surgery since I was suffering from AKD (Acute Kidney Disorder) in Bangalore. I was on dialysis for last one and half yrs and moved to bangalore just for the surgery. It went well and now I am on the road to recovery.We had a health insurance policy by manipal cigna company (medi-assist) which ensured that every expenses was met through reimbursement like dialysis expenses, OPD chgs, pharmacy bills etc. We were satisfied with the services of the health insurance provider. My question here is that can I take any more health insurance policy now (may be from a different company) for my future medical expenses which might occur in future (considering I am pretty young right now and single too). What premium do I need to pay for that? Will it be increased premium or the same normal premium. I might not use the health cover for my renal disease now but as a safeguard for the future diseases which may come up.(considering I will get married and have a family too in future). Will my kidney surgery have any impact on the future health cover or not? Kindly advise.
Ans: I'm glad to hear your surgery went well, and you're on the road to recovery. Considering your situation, it’s important to secure your health insurance needs for the future. Let’s break down your questions and concerns regarding taking an additional health insurance policy.

Can You Take Another Health Insurance Policy?
Yes, you can take another health insurance policy from a different company. However, your recent medical history, including the renal transplant surgery, will impact your new policy's terms and premiums.

Impact of Renal Transplant on New Policy
Pre-Existing Conditions: Your kidney surgery will be considered a pre-existing condition. Most insurers have a waiting period for covering pre-existing conditions, ranging from two to four years. It’s crucial to check the specifics with any new insurer.

Medical Underwriting: Given your recent medical history, the insurer may require detailed medical underwriting. They may request your medical records and possibly a medical examination to assess your current health status.

Premium Considerations
Increased Premiums: Due to your pre-existing condition, new health insurance policies are likely to come with increased premiums. The exact amount will depend on the insurer's assessment of your health risk.

Loading Charges: Some insurers might add a loading charge to your premium, which is an additional cost to cover the higher risk associated with your medical history.

Types of Policies to Consider
Individual Health Plans: These provide coverage for a single person. Given your situation, ensure the plan offers extensive coverage, including post-operative care and critical illness coverage.

Family Floater Plans: These plans cover multiple family members under a single sum insured. They might be a good option if you plan to get married and start a family in the near future.

Critical Illness Plans: These plans provide a lump sum amount upon diagnosis of specified critical illnesses, including kidney-related issues. It can be a supplementary policy to your primary health insurance.

Steps to Take
Research and Compare: Compare policies from different insurers. Look for policies with comprehensive coverage and a reasonable waiting period for pre-existing conditions.

Consult Insurers: Speak directly with insurance representatives. Explain your medical history and get clear information on how it will affect your premiums and coverage.

Read Policy Documents: Carefully read the policy documents, especially the sections on pre-existing conditions, waiting periods, exclusions, and premium loading.

Consider Riders: Look for riders or add-ons that can enhance your coverage, such as critical illness riders, hospital cash, and personal accident covers.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Given the complexities of your medical history and future health needs, consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be very beneficial. A CFP can help you understand the nuances of different policies, assess your long-term financial needs, and recommend the best health insurance options tailored to your situation.


You’ve shown great foresight in considering additional health insurance despite your recent surgery. Ensuring your future medical needs are covered demonstrates a strong commitment to your long-term well-being. Your proactive approach to securing your health is commendable and shows a responsible attitude towards managing potential future risks.

Final Insights
Securing an additional health insurance policy is a wise move, especially considering your recent medical history and future plans. While premiums might be higher due to your pre-existing condition, thorough research and consulting with professionals can help you find the best policy for your needs. Remember to compare different plans, understand the terms, and choose a policy that offers comprehensive coverage and aligns with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
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Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

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Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

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Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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