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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 24, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Shaurya Question by Shaurya on May 24, 2024Hindi
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Money

Thank you so much sir for taking time to provide your valuable feedback. I will Surely take advice from a cfp ,that is my plan. However I plan to continue in direct option of mf and improve my learning continuously and monitor market regularly as I do have sufficient time to do so.

Ans: You're welcome! If you have any more questions or need further assistance, feel free to ask. Best wishes on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 20, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir, I am 42 years old and started my MF journey last month's with below: SBI Long Term Equity Fund - Direa t Plan Growth - 3500 Nippon I dia Large Cap Fund - Direct Plan Growth - 3000 Nippon India Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan Growth - 3000 Quant Multi Asset Fund - Direct Plan Growth - 3500 Quant Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan Growth - 3000 Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund - Direct Plan - Growth - 4000 Just wanted to check with you, did I pick the right MF's for the sum of 2cr in 20 years? Please let me know if I need to change anything. Thank you in Advance.
Ans: You've made a strong start by investing in mutual funds. Allocating across different categories like large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap shows a balanced approach. It helps manage risk and offers growth potential. However, there are a few areas to assess further to align better with your goal of Rs. 2 crore in 20 years.

Let’s look at each aspect of your portfolio to see if it fits your long-term goal.

Large-Cap Investments
Nippon India Large Cap Fund (Rs. 3,000 SIP)
Large-cap funds invest in established companies. They are relatively stable and safer but might provide moderate returns compared to small and mid-caps. Given your 20-year horizon, large-cap funds will offer consistent returns but may not be enough to meet your aggressive Rs. 2 crore goal. You can maintain your large-cap exposure, but keep it as part of a broader strategy for stability.

Consider focusing more on actively managed large-cap funds. Direct plans may save on expense ratios but lack the active guidance that regular plans offer when investing through a certified financial planner. With professional advice, you can gain better insights into fund rebalancing and market shifts.

Small-Cap Investments
Nippon India Small Cap Fund (Rs. 3,000 SIP)
Quant Small Cap Fund (Rs. 3,000 SIP)
Your exposure to small-cap funds is good for high growth. These funds have the potential to generate superior returns over long periods. However, they can also be very volatile. As you aim for 20 years, the small-cap exposure might work well, but keep a close watch.

Too much reliance on small-cap funds can introduce higher risk. Diversifying with mid-caps and multi-asset funds can balance this. Also, actively managed small-cap funds perform better than index or direct funds. A certified financial planner can help in making necessary adjustments based on market trends.

Mid-Cap Investments
Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund (Rs. 4,000 SIP)
Mid-cap funds balance the volatility of small-caps with the stability of large-caps. They often offer higher returns than large-caps but with more risk. Your mid-cap allocation looks solid, and over 20 years, this portion of your portfolio can deliver strong results.

As with small-cap funds, it’s beneficial to invest in regular plans through a certified financial planner. Direct plans may seem cost-effective but miss out on professional advice. Regular fund plans offer rebalancing services that can enhance long-term growth.

Multi-Asset Investment
Quant Multi Asset Fund (Rs. 3,500 SIP)
Multi-asset funds provide diversification across asset classes such as equity, debt, and gold. These funds help reduce risk, especially in market downturns. Including this fund in your portfolio gives some balance to your more aggressive small and mid-cap funds.

However, ensure the fund is actively managed to respond to market conditions. You should evaluate whether this allocation will meet your Rs. 2 crore target or if you need to increase contributions over time.

ELSS/Tax-Saving Investments
SBI Long Term Equity Fund (Rs. 3,500 SIP)
This is an ELSS (Equity-Linked Savings Scheme) that offers tax benefits under Section 80C. ELSS funds typically invest in diversified equities and can provide high growth over the long term. The tax-saving aspect is good for overall financial planning, but don't rely solely on ELSS for reaching your Rs. 2 crore goal.

Consider increasing your exposure to growth-oriented equity funds while keeping ELSS as a tax-saving tool. Active management is also important here, as you may need to rebalance this portion based on the tax situation in the future.

Portfolio Diversification Assessment
You’ve covered different fund categories, but it’s important to diversify even further. Too much exposure to small-cap and mid-cap funds could increase your portfolio's volatility. You can look at the following:

Increase your contribution to large-cap or flexi-cap funds for stability.
Include more actively managed funds, as they offer dynamic strategies and professional guidance.
Consider regular plans instead of direct plans to access professional help. Certified financial planners can guide you in navigating different market conditions.
Importance of Rebalancing and Regular Review
A 20-year investment horizon requires regular portfolio reviews. As markets shift, your fund allocations may need adjustments. Relying on direct plans without professional oversight can lead to missed opportunities or overlooked risks.

Active rebalancing of your portfolio is essential to achieve your Rs. 2 crore goal. A certified financial planner can assist you in monitoring your portfolio and suggesting rebalancing at key intervals, maximizing growth potential.

Taxation Considerations
You should also consider the tax implications of mutual fund investments:

Equity Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.
Debt Funds: LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.
Be mindful of these taxation rules when planning your withdrawals or rebalancing your investments in the future.

Active vs Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs, but they lack the crucial advantage of professional advice. Regular funds, when chosen with the help of a certified financial planner, provide personalized guidance. They can help you navigate market fluctuations, track performance, and recommend timely switches. Direct funds, though cheaper, can be inefficient without proper oversight.

By working with a certified financial planner, you’ll also get support with paperwork, tracking, and decision-making, which can be invaluable, especially during market volatility.

Reaching Rs. 2 Crore in 20 Years
Your current portfolio is a good start, but it needs fine-tuning:

Increase your allocation to large-cap and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Balance your small-cap exposure with more mid-cap or multi-cap funds.

Consider regular plans instead of direct plans to get professional guidance.

Keep an eye on tax-saving opportunities but don’t over-allocate to ELSS funds.

To reach Rs. 2 crore, you might also need to increase your SIP contributions over time. Regular reviews with a certified financial planner can help you stay on track, ensuring you meet your goal in 20 years.

Finally
Achieving Rs. 2 crore in 20 years is possible with consistent investing, proper fund selection, and active management. You have a solid start, but slight adjustments can improve your portfolio's potential. Regularly consult with a certified financial planner to ensure your strategy remains aligned with your long-term goals.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 04, 2024

Money
Dear Sir, I have invested in MFs like DSP,Fraklin,SBI,UTI in 2000. Should I continue or exit,Pl advise.
Ans: Your commitment to mutual funds since 2000 is impressive and shows your long-term vision.

When you hold funds for such a long period, it’s natural to evaluate whether they still serve your financial goals. Here’s a detailed analysis and guidance.

1. Review Fund Performance
Benchmark Comparison: Check if each fund has consistently outperformed its benchmark index. If not, it may be time to reassess its place in your portfolio.

Peer Comparison: Compare your funds with similar funds from other companies. A strong fund will usually perform well against peers.

Historical Returns: Evaluate the long-term returns of each fund. If a fund has consistently delivered below-average returns, consider switching to better-performing options.

2. Consider Portfolio Diversification
Check for Overlap: Holding multiple funds can sometimes lead to asset overlap, which reduces diversification benefits. Assess each fund’s holdings to ensure you’re adequately diversified.

Balanced Allocation: A well-balanced portfolio has a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Ensure your funds provide this balance and are not overly concentrated in one sector.

Avoiding Sector Concentration: If your funds are concentrated in specific sectors, it might increase risks. Choose funds with diversified holdings to spread risk.

3. Active Funds vs. Index Funds
Benefits of Active Funds: Actively managed funds, like yours, are managed by experts who make changes based on market trends. They can provide higher returns than passively managed index funds.

Drawbacks of Index Funds: Index funds lack flexibility and merely mirror the market index. They can underperform during market downturns since they hold all stocks in the index without discretion.

Regular Funds with CFP Support: Opting for regular plans through an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner ensures tailored advice. They monitor your investments and make adjustments as needed, unlike direct plans where investors manage alone.

4. Assess Tax Implications
Equity Mutual Fund Taxation: On equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh attract a 12.5% tax rate. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt Mutual Fund Taxation: For debt funds, both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab. This may impact your decision to redeem or hold based on your current tax bracket.

Holding Period Benefits: Since you’ve held these funds for a long time, most of your gains qualify as LTCG, which is generally more tax-efficient than STCG.

5. Identifying Your Financial Goals
Align with Life Goals: Evaluate if these funds still align with your life goals. If they don’t, consider redirecting your investments into funds better suited to your objectives.

Future Needs and Goals: Identify future milestones, such as retirement or children’s education. Funds aligned with these goals should be reviewed to ensure they’re on track.

Emergency Requirements: If you need liquidity, assess which funds can be redeemed with minimal impact on your long-term goals. Aim to keep some funds in lower-risk assets for easy access.

6. Market Conditions and Timing
Current Market Valuation: Exiting during market highs can lock in profits. But if the market seems overvalued, consider a phased withdrawal to mitigate timing risks.

Phased Exit with STP: Use a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP) if you wish to move funds gradually. This reduces market timing risks and provides a smoother transition to other investments.

Avoid Hasty Decisions: Long-term investments are usually best held unless there is a strong reason to exit. Always weigh your options carefully and avoid impulsive decisions.

7. Consider Alternatives for Consistent Returns
Switch to High-Performing Funds: If any funds have consistently underperformed, consider switching to actively managed funds with better historical performance.

Hybrid and Debt Fund Options: Hybrid funds provide a balance of equity and debt. They’re suitable if you want to reduce market exposure without exiting completely.

Avoid Real Estate for Liquidity: Real estate lacks the flexibility and liquidity of mutual funds. Mutual funds provide easier access to funds in times of need.

8. Monitor and Rebalance Periodically
Annual Performance Review: Review your funds annually to ensure they align with your financial goals and risk profile.

Rebalancing Portfolio: Adjust your portfolio allocation based on changing market conditions and your goals. Rebalancing can help optimise returns and manage risks.

Professional Guidance: A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help identify underperforming funds and suggest suitable replacements, ensuring your portfolio remains healthy and aligned with your goals.

Final Insights
Your long-term investment journey is truly commendable. By reviewing fund performance, aligning with goals, and rebalancing as needed, you can ensure continued growth. Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to maximise your portfolio’s potential.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
Mr Advait Arora, I am 36 Years Old and just got introduced to MF. I have started RD 80K/Month , FD 7.5Lcs, 32.5K/Month MF (SBI Magnum Mid Cap Direct Plan Growth 5k, Tata Small Cap Fund Direct growth 10 K, SBI PSU Direct Plan Growth 5K,Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU Equity Fund Direct growth 5 K,Quant Small cap Fund Direct Plan Growth 5k & Quant Mid Cap Fund Direct growth 2.5k. Additionaly have started LIC INdex Plan 30K/Month for 20 years, 2.5 Lcs / year HDFC ULIP Click to invest 10 years plan and 10 K/Month on Max life Saving an Ulip Plan Again for 5 years invest and 20 years plan . I wanted to target 10 Crores in 15 Years. Please let me know if am on the right track or is there some changes to be made .All this are started in year 2024. I am an NRE working in Middile east Thanks in advance Deepu
Ans: Your commitment to financial discipline and long-term goals is praiseworthy. However, your portfolio requires optimisation to ensure you reach your Rs 10 crore target in 15 years. Here's a detailed assessment and strategic recommendations.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 80,000/Month
Recurring deposits are low-risk but offer limited returns.
The post-tax return is unlikely to match inflation.
Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 7.5 Lakh
Fixed deposits are safe but have similar challenges as RDs.
Long-term wealth creation is difficult with these instruments.
Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 32,500/Month
Investments in small-cap and mid-cap funds indicate a high-risk appetite.
However, all your investments are in direct funds.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

Direct funds require active monitoring and market knowledge.
Any wrong decision can lead to lower returns.
Benefits of Regular Funds via CFP:

Professional guidance ensures better fund selection.
Regular reviews and rebalancing optimise performance.
LIC Index Plan: Rs 30,000/Month for 20 Years
Index-based plans offer limited growth due to market-cap weighting.
Returns may not beat inflation consistently.
HDFC ULIP Click to Invest: Rs 2.5 Lakh/Year for 10 Years
ULIPs combine insurance and investment, leading to suboptimal growth.
High charges during the initial years impact returns.
Max Life Saving ULIP: Rs 10,000/Month for 5 Years, 20-Year Plan
Long lock-in and high charges are similar drawbacks as the above ULIP.
Insurance cover may not suffice for your financial needs.
Optimising Your Portfolio for Growth
1. Mutual Fund Investments
Shift from direct plans to regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner.
Diversify across equity, hybrid, and debt categories for better stability.
2. Recurring Deposit and Fixed Deposit
Gradually move RD and FD funds into debt and equity mutual funds.
Debt funds offer tax efficiency and better post-tax returns.
3. LIC Index Plan and ULIPs
Surrender these policies after consulting with your Certified Financial Planner.
Reinvest proceeds into mutual funds for higher long-term returns.
4. Adequate Term Insurance
Buy a pure term insurance plan for financial protection.
Ensure the sum assured is at least 10-15 times your annual income.
Building a Rs 10 Crore Corpus in 15 Years
Step 1: Monthly SIP Investments
Increase monthly SIPs gradually to match your cash flow.
Allocate more funds to equity-oriented mutual funds for growth.
Step 2: Balanced Portfolio Allocation
Maintain 60% in equity, 30% in debt, and 10% in other instruments.
Equity funds drive growth, while debt funds provide stability.
Step 3: Monitor and Rebalance
Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.
Rebalance yearly to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Tax Efficiency
1. Mutual Fund Taxation
Equity funds have LTCG taxed at 12.5% above Rs 1.25 lakh.
Plan withdrawals to minimise tax liability.
2. Debt Fund Taxation
Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Use systematic withdrawals for efficient tax management.
Final Insights
You have a strong savings habit and a clear financial goal. However, some adjustments are necessary to optimise your portfolio. Surrender low-yield plans like ULIPs and LIC and reinvest in growth-oriented mutual funds. Shift from direct funds to regular funds with professional guidance.

With disciplined investing, proper diversification, and consistent reviews, achieving Rs 10 crore in 15 years is possible. Stay focused and work closely with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Money
Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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