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Financial Planning: Best Way to Reach 1 Crore in 5 Years with 1 Lakh Monthly Investment?

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 04, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 04, 2024Hindi
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Hi, Please suggest me best plan to achieve 1cr in next 5 years if I have the potential to invest upto 1lakh a month

Ans: Investing Rs. 1 lakh monthly for 5 years is a substantial commitment. While your goal is to achieve Rs. 1 crore, it's important to set realistic expectations. A well-diversified portfolio in a moderate-risk category might grow to around Rs. 80-85 lakhs over this period. The stock market is unpredictable, and returns depend on market conditions.

Why Rs. 1 Crore May Be Difficult to Achieve
To achieve Rs. 1 crore, your investments would need to grow at a rate that's higher than typical for moderate-risk investments. Aiming for such a high return might push you into higher-risk investments. However, these come with greater volatility and the risk of lower returns. It's essential to balance your risk tolerance with your financial goals.

Recommended Investment Strategy
Diversified Portfolio Approach
Invest in a mix of equity and debt mutual funds. This strategy balances growth potential with stability.

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate around 60-70% of your investment here. Focus on funds with a strong track record and potential for growth.

Debt Mutual Funds: Allocate the remaining 30-40%. These funds offer stability and protect your portfolio from market volatility.

Avoiding Index Funds
Given your goal, avoid index funds. They typically track the market and may not provide the high returns needed to reach Rs. 1 crore. Actively managed funds, though more expensive, offer the potential for higher returns as they aim to outperform the market.

Direct vs. Regular Funds
If you’re considering direct funds, keep in mind their disadvantages. Direct funds have lower costs, but they require constant monitoring and active management on your part. Regular funds, managed through a Certified Financial Planner, offer the benefit of expert guidance, which is crucial for reaching your goals.

Monthly Monitoring and Adjustments
Review your portfolio regularly, ideally every quarter. Make adjustments based on market conditions and fund performance. This proactive approach ensures your investments are aligned with your goal.

Contingency Plan
Consider keeping some funds liquid for emergencies. A small portion in safer instruments like liquid funds or fixed deposits can act as a cushion in volatile markets.

Tax Efficiency
Invest in tax-efficient instruments to maximize returns. Consider the tax implications of your investments and plan withdrawals in a way that minimizes your tax liability.

Final Insights
Reaching Rs. 1 crore in 5 years with a Rs. 1 lakh monthly investment is challenging. With a well-structured, diversified portfolio and regular monitoring, you can aim to get close to your target. Focus on realistic returns and make informed adjustments along the way.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 31, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 31, 2024Hindi
Money
1cr is sufficient with zero liability fr sr.citizens, to invest 1,cr,can u suggest methodology fr 5yrs plan with quarterly interest.
Ans: Investing Rs 1 crore as a senior citizen with zero liabilities is a commendable position. Your focus on a five-year plan with quarterly interest payouts reflects a need for both stability and income. Let's explore a structured approach to achieve your financial goals.

Assessing Financial Goals and Risk Tolerance
Firstly, it's essential to assess your financial goals and risk tolerance. As a senior citizen, your primary goal is likely to preserve capital while generating regular income. Given the zero liabilities, you have the flexibility to explore various investment options.

Emphasizing Safety and Income
Safety of capital is paramount for senior citizens. Hence, we will focus on investments that offer capital protection along with periodic income.

Suggested Methodology for Investing Rs 1 Crore
1. Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
A Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) can be an effective strategy. It allows you to withdraw a fixed amount regularly from your investment. This provides a predictable cash flow, suitable for meeting regular expenses.

Flexibility in Withdrawals: You can customize the withdrawal amount and frequency as per your needs.

Tax Efficiency: SWP is more tax-efficient compared to lump-sum withdrawals, especially for long-term investments.

2. Debt Funds
Debt funds are suitable for generating regular income with lower risk. They invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and treasury bills.

Stability and Safety: Debt funds are less volatile than equity funds, providing stability.

Quarterly Payout Options: Many debt funds offer the option for regular payouts, aligning with your need for quarterly interest.

3. Hybrid Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, balancing risk and return.

Diversification: They offer diversification, reducing overall portfolio risk.

Regular Income: These funds can be structured to provide regular income, suitable for your quarterly interest requirement.

4. Fixed Deposits with Banks and NBFCs
Fixed deposits (FDs) are a traditional investment option, known for their safety and fixed returns.

Guaranteed Returns: FDs offer guaranteed returns over a fixed tenure.

Quarterly Interest Payouts: Many banks and NBFCs provide the option of quarterly interest payouts, ensuring a steady cash flow.

5. Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS)
SCSS is a government-backed scheme specifically designed for senior citizens.

High Safety and Returns: SCSS offers attractive interest rates with government backing.

Quarterly Interest Payments: This scheme provides quarterly interest payments, perfectly aligning with your needs.

Implementing the Investment Plan
Step 1: Allocate Funds Across Different Instruments
Diversify your Rs 1 crore across the suggested instruments to balance risk and return.

Debt Funds: Allocate a portion of your investment to debt funds for stability and regular income.

Hybrid Funds: Invest in hybrid funds for a mix of growth and stability.

Fixed Deposits: Place a part of your corpus in fixed deposits for guaranteed returns.

Senior Citizen Savings Scheme: Utilize SCSS for a portion of your investment for high safety and quarterly payouts.

Step 2: Set Up a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)
Choose Suitable Funds: Select funds that offer SWP options, ideally those providing stability and regular income.

Customize Withdrawals: Decide the withdrawal amount and frequency based on your monthly or quarterly expenses.

Step 3: Monitor and Rebalance the Portfolio
Regular monitoring and rebalancing of your portfolio are crucial.

Review Performance: Periodically review the performance of your investments.

Rebalance as Needed: Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation and risk levels.

Learning and Understanding Investments
Gaining knowledge about mutual fund investments can help you make informed decisions.

Online Resources and Courses
Many online platforms offer courses on mutual fund investments, covering basic to advanced topics.

Free and Paid Courses: Explore free and paid courses to enhance your understanding.

Interactive Webinars: Participate in webinars conducted by financial experts.

Books and Publications
Reading books and financial publications can provide in-depth knowledge.

Personal Finance Books: Look for books by Indian authors that focus on personal finance and investments.

Financial Magazines: Subscribe to financial magazines for the latest market insights.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide personalized advice based on your financial goals.

Tailored Recommendations: CFPs offer tailored recommendations to suit your needs.

Comprehensive Planning: They help in creating a holistic financial plan, considering all aspects of your finances.

Understanding the Disadvantages of Index Funds
While index funds have their benefits, they might not be ideal for everyone.

Limited Flexibility: Index funds passively track an index, offering limited flexibility in managing the portfolio.

Market Dependency: Their performance is directly tied to the market. They can't adjust to mitigate losses during downturns.

Lack of Professional Management: Unlike actively managed funds, index funds do not have fund managers making strategic decisions.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds offer several advantages over index funds.

Professional Expertise: Fund managers actively manage the portfolio, aiming to maximize returns.

Potential for Higher Returns: Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market.

Strategic Management: Fund managers can make strategic adjustments based on market conditions.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds might seem attractive due to lower expense ratios but have drawbacks.

Lack of Guidance: Direct investors miss out on professional advice, which is crucial for making informed decisions.

Time-Consuming: Managing investments independently requires time and effort.

Benefits of Regular Funds via CFP
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner offers significant benefits.

Expert Advice: CFPs provide expert advice tailored to your financial goals.

Holistic Planning: They help in creating a comprehensive financial plan.

Ongoing Monitoring: CFPs monitor your portfolio regularly and make necessary adjustments.

Conclusion
Investing Rs 1 crore for a five-year plan with quarterly interest payouts can be effectively managed with a diversified approach. By combining debt funds, hybrid funds, fixed deposits, and SCSS, you can achieve a balance of safety, income, and growth. Utilizing a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) ensures regular cash flow. Continuous learning and consulting a Certified Financial Planner can further enhance your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7072 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 13, 2024Hindi
Money
I have 0 bank emi with class 3 studying son. Take home 1.5l How could i make 1cr in next 5 years?
Ans: You want to accumulate Rs 1 crore in the next 5 years. With a take-home salary of Rs 1.5 lakh and no bank EMIs, your current financial situation is conducive to aggressive investing. However, achieving this goal within 5 years requires a well-structured plan with calculated risks and disciplined savings.

The right mix of investments will be necessary. You may need to allocate funds in different asset classes like mutual funds, fixed deposits, and gold to ensure both growth and stability. Let's discuss how you can achieve this goal with an appropriate approach.

Importance of Regular Savings and Investment Discipline
To accumulate Rs 1 crore in 5 years, you need to save and invest systematically. Start by calculating how much of your monthly income can be allocated towards your goal. Given that you take home Rs 1.5 lakh, ideally, you should be saving a significant portion of this.

Aim to save at least 30%–40% of your monthly income, which comes to about Rs 45,000 to Rs 60,000.

Create a separate corpus for your son’s education, and keep it aside for long-term investments. You can allocate the rest towards your Rs 1 crore goal.

With consistent investments in the right instruments, your savings will multiply over time through compounding.

Focusing on the Right Investment Strategy
To reach Rs 1 crore in 5 years, your focus should be on growth-oriented investments. Fixed deposits and traditional savings won't give you the required returns. Instead, a diversified portfolio with a strong emphasis on equity mutual funds and some exposure to fixed-income assets would be ideal. Below is how you can plan it:

1. Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds have the potential to deliver high returns over time. Given your time frame of 5 years, you should focus on growth and value-oriented funds that can deliver returns in the range of 10% to 15% annually. Investing in flexicap, midcap, and large-cap funds will offer both growth and risk management.

Allocate at least 60% to 70% of your monthly savings to equity mutual funds. These funds will help grow your wealth faster than debt-oriented instruments.

Actively managed funds are recommended because they aim to beat the market and take advantage of market opportunities.

2. Debt Mutual Funds
While equity provides higher returns, it also comes with risk. Debt mutual funds offer stability and moderate returns, and they help protect your investments during market volatility.

Allocate 15% to 20% of your savings to debt mutual funds for lower-risk investments.

Opt for short-duration or dynamic bond funds, which align with your 5-year horizon. These funds will provide better liquidity and steady returns.

3. Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds, also known as balanced funds, offer a combination of equity and debt in a single portfolio. They provide better risk management while still offering good returns.

Allocate 10% to 15% of your savings in hybrid funds. This will diversify your portfolio while maintaining a growth component.
4. Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs)
Sovereign Gold Bonds offer an additional layer of safety and diversification to your portfolio. They provide an interest income along with potential price appreciation in gold.

You can invest around 5% to 10% of your savings in SGBs to add a hedge against inflation and market volatility.
5. Emergency Fund
It’s important to maintain an emergency fund equal to 6–12 months of your monthly expenses. This ensures that you won’t need to touch your investments in case of an emergency.

Keep this fund in liquid investments, such as a bank fixed deposit or liquid mutual fund.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) for Consistency
Systematic Investment Plans (SIP) help you invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This method promotes disciplined investing and takes advantage of rupee-cost averaging, which helps mitigate market risks over time.

Set up SIPs in the equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds you choose. Ensure the combined SIP amounts reflect your monthly savings target (e.g., Rs 60,000 monthly).

Over time, the SIP approach will help you stay consistent and work towards your Rs 1 crore goal without timing the market.

Regularly Reviewing and Rebalancing the Portfolio
Once you have started your investments, regular reviews are essential. The market can change, and so can the performance of your chosen funds.

Review the performance of your portfolio every 6 months or annually to ensure that it’s aligned with your goal.

Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the right asset allocation. For instance, if your equity allocation has grown significantly, consider reallocating some funds to debt for safety.

Focus on Tax-Efficient Investing
When investing for long-term goals, understanding taxation is important. Here’s a quick look at the tax rules applicable to mutual funds:

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) exceeding Rs 1.25 lakh in a financial year are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

For debt mutual funds, both LTCG and STCG are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Opt for tax-efficient funds, such as equity-linked savings schemes (ELSS), which offer tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, up to Rs 1.5 lakh per annum.

Avoid Common Mistakes
Many investors make mistakes that can impact their financial goals. Here are a few to avoid:

Avoid Direct Funds: While direct mutual fund plans have lower expense ratios, they require constant monitoring and expertise. It’s better to invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can guide you and help select the right funds.

Avoid Frequent Switching of Funds: Constantly switching between funds based on short-term performance can be harmful. Stick to a well-thought-out plan and allow your investments to grow.

Don’t Rely on Index Funds: Actively managed mutual funds are better suited for your goal. They aim to outperform the market and generate higher returns than index funds, which only track the market's performance.

Managing Risk and Staying Patient
Investing always comes with some degree of risk, especially in equity funds. However, the key to wealth accumulation is managing that risk by:

Diversifying across assets: Having a mix of equity, debt, and gold will balance your portfolio and lower risk.

Staying patient: Equity investments can be volatile, but long-term investors benefit from staying the course and allowing compounding to work.

Plan for Your Son’s Future
Your son is currently in class 3, and as he grows, his education expenses will increase. It’s wise to plan a separate education fund, possibly through SIPs in a child education fund or a balanced fund, so that you’re not caught off guard when significant expenses arise.

Set aside a portion of your monthly income specifically for his education.
Finally
Accumulating Rs 1 crore in 5 years requires careful planning, disciplined savings, and the right mix of investments. By focusing on growth-oriented equity mutual funds, balancing with debt instruments, and following a consistent investment strategy, you will be able to meet your financial goal. Remember, patience and regular monitoring are key.

It’s also important to plan for your child’s education and build an emergency fund to protect against any unforeseen events. With a holistic approach, you will be able to secure both your short-term and long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024
Relationship
Hello, I am married for 4 years. And someone from my office loves me. He wants me to love him also even if I am married. That office colleague take too much efforts for me, he listens everything about me, he cares about me. But my husband only focused on his work. So I want love, that boy is the best for the love. But loving another man even if you have husband is cheating. I don't know but I feel that I want both of them and I am confused about it. I also love that man from my office. I am so much confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand that you are feeling undervalued by your husband but the "I want both of them" approach has never worked out well for anyone, especially in an exclusive relationship. You have a few options here-
You speak to your husband about how the lack of attention from him is affecting you and work on it with him.
Tell him openly about this man and let him know that there's a slight chance that you might develop feelings for him if your husband continues to pay all his focus on work and none on you. This could shake him up from his slumber and help him realize that he has not been fair to you.
Opt for separation- if you do not have an open marriage, you cannot have both of the men. It isn't moral to do this behind your partner's back.

I strongly suggest you consider doing the first option. Communicate your feelings of loneliness to your husband and seek help from a marriage counselor. It can do wonders for your relationship.

Best Wishes.

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Dr Shakeeb Ahmed

Dr Shakeeb Ahmed Khan  |127 Answers  |Ask -

Physiotherapist - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 19, 2024Hindi
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Hello Dr.Shakeeb, I’m a 55 yrs male, had stents implanted in 2020 because of bad food habits and lack of regular movement, things have improved since then with better control on food habits. My problem is belly fat which is embarrassing and my weight is 77kgs, I was on knee braces for last 30 days bcoz of a slight ligament strain, so not able to do strenuous exercises. Pls suggest a workable regime for belly fat elimination considering my case history.
Ans: Hello Sir. Thank you for your query. Reducing belly fat requires a combination of calorie control, low-impact exercises, and lifestyle changes, tailored to your health history. Start by maintaining a slight calorie deficit of 200-300 kcal/day, focusing on a balanced diet rich in lean proteins, complex carbs, and healthy fats while avoiding sugary and processed foods. Drink 2-3 liters of water daily to stay hydrated. Engage in low-impact activities like brisk walking for 30-40 minutes daily, which is gentle on the knees and heart-friendly. Incorporate simple core-strengthening exercises such as pelvic tilts, seated knee lifts, and standing side bends to activate abdominal muscles without straining your knees. As your ligament strain heals, consult Physiotherapist about gradually increasing exercise intensity, including light resistance training. Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep and manage stress through mindfulness to lower cortisol levels, which can contribute to belly fat. Small, frequent meals can keep your metabolism active, and tracking progress through waist measurements rather than just weight will help you stay motivated. These adjustments will promote gradual, sustainable fat loss while ensuring safety and heart health. I wish you healthy and active lifestyle.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Relationship
Dear Anu Krishna, I'm 48 married with 2 kids daughter in 10th and son in 5th. Wife works as a VP in a large firm. Since post COVID there has been almost no intimacy. I tried to talk to her and she says that I'm a sex maniac. I said once in six months at least she says not interested. She s fit in good health exercises and all tests are ok. Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. We go on tours and trips and functions and everything externally is normal. I buy her gifts and we go out to restaurants etc. Everything except intimacy. I've tried to talk about 50 times but she doesn't want to talk not seek any help. Infact the signs of this started from 2016. She's 43 now. I m thinking of now seperating from her. Im really fed up. Nothing is working, and she's adamant. I've pulled on for kids but maybe I can be together for a few more years. I can't live with her forever. You generally ask people to get help and talk etc which is done and tried and yet no solution. Can you agree for once that there is a genuine case to not continue It's my life I know but I think I'm 100% right and that i have hit the end of the road. Inhold you in high regard hence writing to you Sameer
Ans: Dear Sachin,
Thank you for your kind and respectful acknowledgement of me.
Now,
You wrote:
Last year my friend's wife informed me about their private WhatsApp messages and I was shocked. - What was shocking? You have not shared this!

Lack of interest in sex can be due to:
- change in hormones
- boredom in the bedroom routine
- lack of intimacy outside the bedroom

Now, what I must agree on is something that we can keep aside, yeah? My job is to try and guide people to put things together of course, if that's what they want. You seem to have already believed that nothing can work; how can anyone guide you? When you claim that you nothing is working, I will still ask you, "How do you know that you have tried everything to know that nothing is working?"

Also, if you have decided to separate, what more can I suggest? You feel that you are 100% right, BUT you know what: If you actually were 100% right, you would not be here checking in with me...Just playing the mirror here for you.
I still would suggest that you work on your marriage; communicate and rebuild...it's a long path BUT the fruits of it can be amazing!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi , I am married 2.5 years ago to a man , who is very less in education compared to me , this marriage was done as a compromise or in worries about my future as my parents are no more .. He and his family is average in all case ..cleanliness, hygeiene , social relations, religious practices , education , self respect , financial well being ... all these things are either meaningless for them or they vary poor in those . Nor even they have moral values , as they have cheated me by hiding my husband's age to me . I told them that we strongly believe in astrology and will not go without it . Still they gave me wrong information about his age and he is very elder to me .As I am well educated , employed and self dependant. So they somehow trapped me for marriage. After 3-4 months of marriage my husband was diagnosed (a type of oral cancer) caused due to consuming gutkha and ciggarettes. He lied and denied to have any disease still i started his medication . In some time I lost my job also still continued his treatment , tried to help him in his business , it made a big impact on my sqving too :( But because of his careless business practice , it didnt work for him. Also I paid many times his car's EMI . And supported in all types of expenses be it house hold , his medication or business . He has parental properties in village but they are hardly using it for their own use and wanted to use my money till now . As I now denied to give more money , now they have started looking to sell or rent / lease their property for their use . I have spent lot of money on them , I hardly believe they will try to pay it out fully to me or give some part of property for my safe future now :( I am now 43 and have no children . At other hand my brother is also alone( even being his wife and 2 sons) Wife is quarrelsome and has a history of false case of dowry on my brother and due to this my brother and my family sufferered a lot , its been 20 years now . But this has tortured my brother me and my mother a lot in past .Sis-in-law never let my nephews to stay or sit for some time with us (me or my mother ). And now as my both nephews have grown up my sis-in-law told them lie as if she was victim and , we were the culprit . Children were innocent , they didnt knew the fact , hence taking mother's side now. I thought that as my sis-in-law doesn't like us so unwillingly I decided to marry with a compromise , thinking that after my marriage all will be fine in brother's home , But nothing improved. And now my brother , after my marriage is emotionally alone at home , I feel very sorry about this . I want to go back and take care of my brother , as now he is 53 and emotionally very weak , diabetic and suffering other disease too . Sis-in-law is least interested in his health , care .. so as her children. Going back to parental (it is my father's home, so i also have legal right on that property )home and leaving husband is not so easy, .. Elder Nephew and sis-in-law can become very violent as they are always . I dont want to endanger my brother's health and if I dont go then also .. brother is taking care of him alone ..that too very casually ..how can i make all things correct . Please suggest .
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Hello! Excuse me...
Take care of yourself first before trying to save someone else.
Your brother is a grown man and knows what is to be done. Allow him to process his life's situations. By stepping into it especially in your state of mind will make things worse. Also, if you want guidance on this, kindly post another question else it will get confusing for all of us here.

First think of what you must do to make things better for yourself. Ask yourself whether you are interested in continuing the marriage. A lot of your time, money and energy has been invested in it and based on a lie. You have no clue what else they have lied about...do you want a marriage that is standing on a bed of lies? is it possible for you to trust your husband and his family all over again? What can they do so that you place trust in them again?

If this is not possible, the you are in a place where you need to make decisions about your marriage and your life in general.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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