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Advait

Advait Arora  | Answer  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 23, 2023

Advait Arora has over 20 years of experience in direct investing in stock markets in India and overseas.
He holds a masters in IT management from the University Of Wollongong, Australia, and an MBA in marketing from Charles Strut University, NewCastle, Australia.
Advait is a firm believer in the power of compounding to help his clients grow their wealth.... more
mohan Question by mohan on Apr 21, 2023Hindi
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Sir If I want to start SIP in shares what will be ideal amount and which shares 3 to 4

Ans: plesae go for market leaders like TCS, INFY, ICICI BANK, HDFC BANK, ASIAN PAINTS, ULTRATECH, DIVIS, HUL, ITC etc
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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Hi sir, i want to start sip.. This will be my ist investment so what would your suggestion like on which categories should i invest or what should be my breakup.. I want to invest 5000 now then after few months 10k and around 2 year from now 22k
Ans: Starting Your SIP Journey: A Guide to Investing

Congratulations on taking the first step towards investing. Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) is a wise decision for building wealth over time. Let's break down your investment strategy in a simple and effective manner.

Understanding Your Investment Goals
Before diving into the specifics, it's crucial to understand your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. Since you are starting with ?5,000 and planning to increase it to ?10,000 in a few months and ?22,000 in two years, you have a progressive approach.

Suggested Categories for SIP Investment
Large-Cap Mutual Funds
Large-cap funds invest in well-established companies with a stable track record. They provide moderate growth with lower risk compared to mid-cap and small-cap funds. Ideal for new investors, these funds offer stability and consistent returns.

Multi-Cap Mutual Funds
Multi-cap funds invest across companies of different market capitalizations. They offer a balanced approach, providing diversification and the potential for higher returns. This category helps in managing risk while seeking growth.

Balanced Advantage Funds
Balanced advantage funds dynamically adjust the allocation between equity and debt. They aim to provide growth while managing risk effectively. These funds are suitable for beginners as they offer a balanced exposure to both equity and debt.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt funds invest in fixed-income securities like bonds and government securities. They are less volatile compared to equity funds and provide stable returns. Including debt funds can add a safety net to your portfolio.

Suggested Breakup for ?5,000 SIP
Large-Cap Fund: ?2,000
Multi-Cap Fund: ?1,500
Balanced Advantage Fund: ?1,500
This allocation provides a mix of stability, diversification, and growth.

Suggested Breakup for ?10,000 SIP
As you increase your SIP amount, you can enhance your portfolio diversification:

Large-Cap Fund: ?3,000
Multi-Cap Fund: ?2,500
Balanced Advantage Fund: ?2,500
Debt Fund: ?2,000
Including a debt fund at this stage adds an element of safety and reduces overall portfolio risk.

Suggested Breakup for ?22,000 SIP
When you reach ?22,000 per month, you can further diversify and optimize your portfolio:

Large-Cap Fund: ?6,000
Multi-Cap Fund: ?5,500
Balanced Advantage Fund: ?5,500
Debt Fund: ?3,000
Mid-Cap Fund: ?2,000
Adding a mid-cap fund provides exposure to companies with higher growth potential, albeit with slightly higher risk.

Key Points to Remember
Start Small and Scale Up
Begin with the ?5,000 SIP and gradually increase it. This helps you get comfortable with investing and understand market dynamics.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Monitor your investments regularly. Rebalance your portfolio at least once a year to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Seeking advice from a CFP can provide personalized guidance. They can help tailor your investment strategy based on your goals and risk tolerance.

Stay Disciplined and Patient
Investing is a long-term journey. Stay disciplined, avoid emotional decisions, and remain patient. Market fluctuations are normal, and long-term investments usually yield positive results.

Conclusion
Starting your SIP journey with a structured approach will set a strong foundation for your financial future. Diversify your investments across different categories, review regularly, and seek professional advice when needed. Your progressive investment strategy, beginning with ?5,000 and scaling up to ?22,000, will help you build a robust portfolio over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

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I m 39 yrs old. Want to invest in SIP's. I m getting 45 k in hand. How much amount should I invest in multiple SIP's and suggest which SIP's give return higher side. Nitesh Kumar
Ans: Strategizing SIP Investments for Optimal Returns

Assessing Your Investment Capacity

At 39, prioritizing systematic investment plans (SIPs) is a prudent step towards long-term wealth accumulation. With ?45,000 available for investment, let's devise a strategy tailored to your financial goals and risk appetite.

Determining Allocation

To maximize returns while managing risk, diversifying your SIP investments across multiple funds is advisable. Allocating funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon is crucial for achieving optimal results.

Allocation Breakdown:

Equity Funds: Allocate a significant portion, around 70%, to equity-oriented SIPs for their potential to deliver higher returns over the long term. These funds are suitable for investors with a moderate to high-risk tolerance and a long investment horizon.

Debt Funds: Allocate the remaining 30% to debt-oriented SIPs to provide stability and cushion against market volatility. Debt funds are ideal for investors seeking steady income and capital preservation with lower risk.

Selecting SIPs for Higher Returns

While past performance is not indicative of future results, selecting SIPs with a track record of consistent performance and managed by reputable fund houses is essential. Look for funds with a proven track record of delivering competitive returns relative to their benchmark indices and peer group.

Recommendations for Equity SIPs:

Large-cap Equity Funds: These funds invest in established companies with stable earnings and strong fundamentals. Examples include funds that track the Nifty 50 or Sensex indices.

Multi-cap Equity Funds: Offering diversification across market capitalizations, multi-cap funds invest in companies across the growth spectrum, providing exposure to both large and mid-cap segments.

Mid & Small-cap Equity Funds: These funds focus on mid and small-cap companies with high growth potential. While offering the potential for higher returns, they also entail higher risk and volatility.

Recommendations for Debt SIPs:

Short-term Debt Funds: Invest in instruments with shorter maturity periods, offering stability and relatively higher yields compared to traditional fixed deposits.

Liquid Funds: Ideal for short-term investments, liquid funds provide high liquidity and stability with minimal interest rate risk, making them suitable for parking surplus funds.

Conclusion

In summary, allocating your ?45,000 monthly investment across equity and debt-oriented SIPs can help you achieve a balanced portfolio geared towards long-term wealth creation. By selecting SIPs with a consistent track record and aligning them with your risk profile and investment horizon, you can optimize returns while mitigating risk.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 15, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am 37 year old and planning to start SIP of 10,000 pm. Please advice on how many funds I should distribute the amounts and which fund I need to go for invest. I am going to hold this SIP investment for 10 to 15 years for retirement and children education.
Ans: Embarking on a systematic investment plan (SIP) is a prudent step towards securing your future and your children's education. Let's tailor a strategy that aligns with your objectives.

Understanding Investment Allocation
Diversification is key to mitigating risk and maximizing returns over the long term. Distributing your SIP amount across multiple funds offers a balanced approach to wealth accumulation.

Fund Allocation Recommendations
For a SIP of 10,000 per month, consider allocating funds across two carefully selected categories: Large Cap and Mid Cap.

Large Cap Funds
Investing a significant portion, say 70%, in Large Cap funds provides stability and steady growth. These funds typically invest in established companies with a track record of performance and stability.

Mid Cap Funds
Allocating the remaining 30% to Mid Cap funds introduces an element of growth potential. Mid Cap funds invest in companies with medium market capitalization, offering the opportunity for higher returns over the long term.

Fund Selection Criteria
Opt for actively managed funds with a proven track record of consistent returns and experienced fund managers at the helm. Prioritize funds with low expense ratios and a focus on capital preservation.

Conclusion
By diversifying your SIP across Large Cap and Mid Cap funds, you strike a balance between stability and growth potential, aligning with your long-term goals of retirement and children's education.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2024

Money
Hello Sir.. I am 44 years old and don't have any investment but now wanted to invest in limited SIP and can invest 30K every month onwards for next 10 years Please suggest what amount and which SIP should I select?
Ans: At 44 years of age, investing Rs. 30,000 monthly for the next 10 years can help you build a substantial corpus. The plan will ensure wealth creation while maintaining a balance between risk and return. Let’s analyse the best approach for your financial journey.

Setting the Foundation: Your Investment Goals and Risk Appetite
Define Clear Goals

List your financial goals: retirement, children’s education, or wealth creation.
This helps in aligning investments with timelines and objectives.
Understand Your Risk Tolerance

At 44, you have a medium-term horizon of 10 years.
A mix of aggressive and moderate risk funds suits this duration.
Plan for Diversification

Diversification reduces risks and optimises returns.
Split investments into large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and hybrid funds.
Optimal Monthly Allocation of Rs. 30,000
Large-Cap Funds (Rs. 7,500)

Focus on stability with established companies.
Large-cap funds are resilient during market volatility.
Large and Mid-Cap Funds (Rs. 6,000)

Combine stability with moderate growth potential.
These funds are ideal for medium-term horizons.
Flexi-Cap Funds (Rs. 6,000)

Flexi-cap funds invest across market capitalisations.
They balance risk and growth, making them versatile.
Mid-Cap Funds (Rs. 5,000)

Mid-cap funds offer higher growth potential.
Invest for higher returns with a manageable level of risk.
ELSS Tax-Saving Funds (Rs. 5,500)

These funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C.
ELSS has a lock-in of 3 years and offers equity-like growth.
Benefits of SIP Investing
Rupee Cost Averaging

SIPs buy more units when markets fall and fewer when they rise.
This reduces the overall cost of investment over time.
Power of Compounding

Compounding grows wealth exponentially when you stay invested.
Reinvestment of returns boosts your corpus significantly.
Market Discipline

SIPs promote regular investments irrespective of market movements.
This ensures systematic wealth accumulation.
Active Fund Management Over Index Funds
Why Actively Managed Funds?

Actively managed funds outperform index funds over the long term.
Professional fund managers adapt to market trends effectively.
Drawbacks of Index Funds

Index funds lack flexibility during market downturns.
They mirror the index, limiting growth opportunities in bearish phases.
Benefits of Regular Plans with CFP Guidance

Regular plans come with advisory support and regular portfolio reviews.
A Certified Financial Planner ensures optimal fund selection and rebalancing.
Monitoring and Rebalancing Investments
Annual Portfolio Review

Review fund performance every year to ensure alignment with goals.
Replace underperforming funds promptly with better alternatives.
Asset Allocation Rebalancing

Adjust equity and debt exposure based on market conditions.
Move to safer options in the later years as you near your goal.
Tax-Efficient Withdrawals

Plan withdrawals systematically to minimise tax liabilities.
Use systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) for tax-efficient regular income.
Building a Medical Corpus for Contingencies
Separate Health Fund

Allocate a part of savings for medical emergencies.
Health-related costs should not disturb your investment goals.
Health Insurance Optimisation

Even if health coverage is minimal, top-up plans can reduce financial stress.
Use your investment surplus for medical contingencies if needed.
Taxation of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds

LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.
STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt Funds

Gains are taxed based on your income tax slab.
Debt funds are best for risk-averse investors nearing retirement.
Tax-Saving ELSS Funds

ELSS investments help you save taxes under Section 80C.
They provide dual benefits of tax savings and long-term growth.
Preparing for Long-Term Financial Independence
Retirement Focus

Allocate part of your corpus to retirement.
Ensure a balance between immediate goals and post-retirement needs.
Emergency Fund Creation

Build a corpus for at least six months of expenses.
Keep it in a savings account or liquid fund for easy access.
Nomination and Will

Assign nominees for all investments.
Create a legally valid will to avoid complications in asset transfer.
Final Insights
Investing Rs. 30,000 monthly through SIPs is a disciplined approach to wealth creation. Diversify investments into equity-oriented funds for growth and tax-saving funds for benefits. Periodically review and adjust your portfolio for better results. Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to ensure that your investments align with your long-term goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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