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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Shobhit Question by Shobhit on Mar 15, 2023Hindi
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Hi I have following SIPs. Can you suggest whether they are good, bad or ugly and suggest changes if any. Quant small cap direct growth-10000 Canara robecco small cap DG- 10000 PGIM india mid cap Opp DG-10000 SBI contra Direct plan growth-10000 Parag parik flexi cap DG-10000 Quant infrastructure DG-10000 ICICI prudential tech fund-10000 Tata digital India regular plan-10000 Aditya birla sun life digital India regular plan -10000 - I hv started investing in last 6months and aim is to make atleast 3cr by next 10yrs. I hv certain other investments in SIPs, equity and PF (about 50000 per month) Thank you

Ans: Your portfolio seems well-diversified across different categories and themes, which is a good approach. However, there are a few considerations to keep in mind:

Small Cap Exposure: Having significant exposure to small-cap funds like Quant Small Cap and Canara Robeco Small Cap can add volatility to your portfolio. While they have the potential for high returns, they also come with higher risk. Ensure you have a high-risk tolerance and a long-term investment horizon if you intend to stay invested in these funds.
Sectoral and Theme Funds: Funds like ICICI Prudential Tech Fund, Tata Digital India, and Aditya Birla Sun Life Digital India focus on specific sectors/themes. While these can offer opportunities for growth, they also carry concentration risk. Monitor these funds closely and be prepared for volatility, considering the dynamic nature of sectoral investments.
Mid Cap and Flexi Cap: PGIM India Mid Cap Opp and Parag Parik Flexi Cap provide exposure to mid-cap and flexible-cap segments, which can complement your small-cap investments. Ensure you review the performance and portfolio composition of these funds regularly to confirm they align with your investment objectives.
Regular Review: Given your long-term goal of reaching 3 crores in 10 years, regularly review your portfolio's performance and make adjustments as necessary. Consider rebalancing periodically to maintain your desired asset allocation and risk level.
Risk Management: Since you have a significant amount invested across various funds, ensure you have an adequate emergency fund and insurance coverage to mitigate any unforeseen risks.
Overall, your portfolio appears to have the potential to achieve your long-term financial goals, but it's essential to monitor and adjust it periodically based on your changing financial situation and market conditions. Consider consulting with a financial advisor for personalized advice tailored to your specific needs and objectives.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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I am investing in SIP since last 5 years. My age is 34. Salary - 70K. Icici bluechip - 3K, icici pharma healthcare - 4k, Quant Flexicap - 5K, Quant smallcap -1.5K, Quant ELSS - 3K, SBI Multicap - 2K, Sbi Magnum midcap - 1K, Tata Digital India - 2K, Hdfc hybrid equity - 2K. Kindly give your valuable suggestions & changes to be made.
Ans: It's impressive to see your dedication to SIP investing over the past five years, especially at your age. Your portfolio showcases a blend of funds across various sectors and market caps, reflecting a diversified approach to wealth creation.

However, let's examine your current allocations. Are you comfortable with the level of risk in your portfolio? Given your age and income, it's essential to ensure that your investments align with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Consider consolidating your holdings to streamline your portfolio. Are there any overlapping funds or sectors? Simplifying your investments can make it easier to track and manage them effectively.

Furthermore, assess the performance of each fund regularly. Are there any underperformers or funds that no longer fit your investment thesis? Just as a gardener prunes branches to encourage growth, trimming your portfolio may enhance its overall health and performance.

Lastly, stay informed about market trends and economic developments. Are there any emerging sectors or themes that warrant attention? Adapting your portfolio to capitalize on opportunities can potentially boost returns over the long term.

In summary, while your current portfolio displays a commendable commitment to wealth creation, periodic review and adjustments are crucial for optimizing performance and aligning with your financial objectives. Keep nurturing your investments with care, and they're likely to flourish in the years ahead.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

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Hii i am investing in SIP since 1 year in ICICI prudential commodities Fund direct growth Rs200 monthly, Tata digital India und direct growth Rs150 Monthly, HDFC Technology Fund direct growth Rs100 monthly, ICICI prudential Technology direct plan growth Rs100 monthly, Nippon India Pharma fund direct growth Rs300 monthly, Nippon India small cap fund direct growth Rs300 monthly, axis nifty IT index fund direct growth Rs1000 monthly, ICICI prudential bluechip fund direct growth Rs250 monthly, Aditya Birla Sun Life digital India fund direct growth Rs100 monthly, ICICI prudential NASDAQ 100index fund direct growth Rs300 monthly, HDFC transportation and logistics fund direct growth Rs200 monthly so I invested in above SIPs Total monthly i invest Rs3000 so please give me some suggestions or modifications if required
Ans: Your Current SIP Portfolio
You have been investing ?3,000 monthly across various SIPs for a year. Your chosen funds focus on technology, healthcare, commodities, and other sectors. This shows a good start towards disciplined investing.

Concentration in Technology Sector
A significant portion of your investments is in technology-focused funds. Technology funds can offer high returns but also come with high volatility.

Sector-Specific Funds
You also have investments in healthcare, commodities, and logistics funds. Sector-specific funds can be very volatile as they depend on the performance of their respective sectors.

Diversification
Your portfolio lacks diversification. Investing too much in a single sector increases risk. Diversification helps in balancing risk and returns.

Importance of Broad Market Exposure
Diversifying across different market segments reduces risk. Balanced exposure to large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds is crucial. This strategy ensures you are not overly dependent on one sector's performance.

Adding Stability with Debt Funds
Including debt funds can provide stability. Debt funds offer regular returns and reduce the overall risk in your portfolio. This balance is vital for long-term growth.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform index funds due to professional management. Fund managers actively select stocks to maximize returns. This can be advantageous, especially in volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds mirror the market index and do not aim to outperform it. They lack flexibility in changing market conditions. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, adapt to market changes, providing better growth potential.

Direct Funds vs. Regular Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require thorough research and monitoring. Regular funds, through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), offer professional guidance and management. This can be valuable for optimizing returns and managing risks effectively.

Suggested Modifications
Reduce Sector-Specific Overweight

Reduce the number of technology and sector-specific funds. This will help in balancing the portfolio and reducing sector-specific risks.

Increase Broad Market Exposure

Allocate more funds to diversified equity funds. Large-cap and multi-cap funds provide stable returns and reduce overall risk.

Include Debt Funds for Stability

Add debt or hybrid funds to your portfolio. This will provide regular returns and reduce the volatility of your overall investment.

Suggested Allocation
Technology Funds: Choose one or two funds to maintain some exposure but reduce concentration.
Broad Market Funds: Increase investment in large-cap and multi-cap funds for stable growth.
Debt Funds: Allocate a portion to debt funds for stability.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Monitor your investments regularly. Review fund performance annually and adjust your portfolio based on your financial goals and market conditions.

Conclusion
Your dedication to investing through SIPs is commendable. With a few adjustments, you can achieve a balanced and diversified portfolio. This will help you meet your long-term financial goals with reduced risk.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 14, 2024

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HI, I am 32 years old male having following SIPs. I am investing for wealth creation and for a time horizon of 10 - 15 years. Please review and guide if any changes are required 1. Parag Parikh - 10k 2. Kotak Multicap - 10k 3. Value Discovery - 10k 4. HDFC Balance Advantage - 6k 5 Canara Robeco Small cap - 5k 6 Canra Rebocco Blue chip - 5k 7 Axis Opportunities Fund - 9k 8 Groww Index Fund - 5k 9. Axis ELSS - 2.5K
Ans: It's great to see your commitment to investing for wealth creation at a relatively young age. Let's review your current SIP portfolio and make any necessary adjustments to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and time horizon.

Assessing Your SIPs
You've chosen a diverse set of mutual funds, covering various market segments and investment styles. Here's a brief overview of each fund:

Parag Parikh: Known for its global diversification and focus on quality stocks, suitable for investors seeking stability and growth potential.

Kotak Multicap: Provides exposure to companies across market capitalizations, offering diversification and potential for capital appreciation.

Value Discovery: A value-oriented fund that seeks undervalued stocks with the potential for long-term growth, suitable for patient investors.

HDFC Balance Advantage: A dynamic asset allocation fund that adjusts its equity exposure based on market conditions, offering downside protection and growth potential.

Canara Robeco Small Cap: Invests in small-cap companies with high growth potential, suitable for investors with a higher risk tolerance and longer investment horizon.

Canara Robeco Blue Chip: Focuses on large-cap companies with strong fundamentals and stable earnings, offering stability and growth potential.

Axis Opportunities Fund: Seeks investment opportunities across sectors and market caps, suitable for investors seeking capital appreciation.

Groww Index Fund: Tracks a specific market index, providing exposure to a broad market segment at a lower cost. However, index funds may underperform actively managed funds during certain market conditions.

Axis ELSS: A tax-saving fund that offers potential tax benefits under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act, suitable for investors looking to save on taxes while building wealth.

Recommendations for Optimization
While your portfolio is well-diversified, here are a few suggestions to consider:

Review Overlapping Holdings: Check for overlapping holdings across your funds to ensure adequate diversification. Avoid excessive exposure to similar stocks or sectors to minimize risk.

Evaluate Performance: Monitor the performance of each fund regularly and compare it against relevant benchmarks and peers. Consider replacing underperforming funds with better alternatives, if necessary.

Rebalance Asset Allocation: Assess your overall asset allocation and ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance and investment objectives. Consider adjusting your allocation between equity and debt based on changing market conditions and your financial goals.

Consider Consolidation: Depending on your preferences and convenience, you may consider consolidating your SIPs into fewer funds to simplify your portfolio management and reduce administrative overhead.

Conclusion
Overall, your SIP portfolio is well-structured and positioned for long-term wealth creation. By regularly reviewing and optimizing your investments, you can maximize returns and achieve your financial goals with confidence.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 25 year old and have started investing in SIPs for the first time since last hear. I do 1. HDFC Index Fund Nifty 50 -5,500 2. MIRAE Asset Midcap fund - 3500 3. Axis small cap - 2500 4. JM Flexicap - (one time investment) - 20,000 5. Aditya Birla Sun Life PSU equity - (one time) - 6000 6. Quant Mid cap - 3,500 7. Quant Infrastructure- 1,000 8. ICICI Prudential retirement - 1000 9. QUANT ELSS - 1,000 10. Parag Pareikh - 1000 11. Nippon India - 1000 12. SBI PSU - 1000 Overall my monthly SIP goes around 25,000-30,000 and my plan is to retire at the age of 50 with 5 Crore. XIRR - 27.33% Please suggest if i need to make any changes
Ans: It's impressive to see a 25-year-old like you investing diligently in SIPs. Your commitment to securing your financial future early is commendable. Let's evaluate your portfolio and see if any changes are necessary to help you achieve your goal of Rs 5 crore by the age of 50.

Diversification and Allocation
You have a diverse portfolio with investments across different categories:

Large-cap Index Fund

Mid-cap Funds

Small-cap Fund

Flexi-cap Fund

Sector Funds (PSU, Infrastructure)

Retirement Fund

ELSS Fund

This diversification helps spread risk and capture growth from various market segments.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds, like your HDFC Index Fund Nifty 50, track the market and offer average returns. They cannot outperform the market. Actively managed funds, managed by experts, aim to beat the market, offering potential for higher returns. Given your long investment horizon, actively managed funds could be more beneficial.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds are overseen by professional managers who make strategic decisions to outperform the market. These funds can provide better returns, especially in volatile markets. With the right selection, actively managed funds can significantly enhance your portfolio's performance.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower costs but lack professional guidance. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with a CFP credential ensures you receive expert advice. This professional support helps in making informed decisions and aligning investments with your financial goals.

Assessing Your Sector Funds
Your investments in sector funds like Quant Infrastructure and SBI PSU can offer high returns but also come with high risk. Sector funds are dependent on the performance of specific sectors. Diversifying too much into sector funds can increase risk. Consider limiting exposure to sector funds to balance your portfolio.

Importance of Reviewing Portfolio
Regularly reviewing your portfolio is essential to ensure it aligns with your financial goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. A periodic review helps in rebalancing your portfolio and maintaining the desired risk-return profile.

Evaluating Long-Term Goals
Your goal of Rs 5 crore by the age of 50 is ambitious but achievable with a disciplined approach. Considering the power of compounding and historical market returns, maintaining a consistent investment strategy will be key to reaching your target.

Projecting Future Returns
While exact future returns are unpredictable, a diversified portfolio with a mix of actively managed funds and strategic investments can provide good growth. Historically, equity mutual funds have delivered around 12-15% annual returns. Adjusting your portfolio to optimize for this growth can help achieve your long-term goal.

Suggestions for Improvement
Increase Allocation to Actively Managed Funds: Shift some investments from index funds to actively managed funds to potentially achieve higher returns.

Reduce Sector Fund Exposure: Limit investments in sector-specific funds to manage risk better.

Regular Reviews and Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your goals and market conditions.

Conclusion
Your current investment strategy is strong and diversified, setting a solid foundation for future growth. With some adjustments to focus more on actively managed funds and regular portfolio reviews, you can enhance your chances of achieving your Rs 5 crore goal by the age of 50. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide tailored advice to optimize your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
I am 50 years old, how much proportion should I allocate in Debt and Equity mutual funds. I am investing in mutual funds only. My 43 L portfolio has 37 L equity and 6 Lak debt.
Ans: Balancing your portfolio between equity and debt is critical at this stage. A 50-year-old investor should aim for a safer portfolio while ensuring reasonable growth. Since you’re already investing in mutual funds, fine-tuning your allocation can optimise returns and reduce risk.

Let’s assess your portfolio in detail and identify actionable steps for an optimal balance.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Your current allocation includes:

Rs 37 lakh in equity: Around 86% of your total portfolio.
Rs 6 lakh in debt: About 14% of your total portfolio.
This equity-heavy portfolio is suitable for younger investors. At 50, you may need to rebalance to reduce volatility while retaining growth.

Recommended Allocation Strategy
A general rule is the "100 minus age" approach. However, personal goals, risk tolerance, and financial stability should guide decisions. For a 50-year-old:

Equity: 50% to 60% of the portfolio. This ensures growth and combats inflation.
Debt: 40% to 50%. This ensures stability and predictable returns.
You can adjust within this range based on personal preferences and financial objectives.

Steps to Rebalance Your Portfolio
To align your portfolio, consider these steps:

Gradually reduce equity exposure: Shift some equity investments to debt. Do this systematically over months to avoid timing risks.
Increase debt mutual funds allocation: Consider short-duration or dynamic bond funds for liquidity and moderate returns.
Use hybrid mutual funds: Balanced advantage funds can offer a mix of equity and debt with automatic rebalancing.
Why a Balanced Allocation Is Crucial
Equity: This provides growth potential to counter inflation. It supports long-term financial goals like retirement planning.
Debt: This offers stability and acts as a buffer against market downturns. It ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses.
Avoid Over-Exposure to Equity
While equity delivers higher returns, excessive exposure can increase portfolio risk. A balanced allocation shields you during market corrections.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform the market due to professional expertise. They adjust portfolios based on market trends and opportunities.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They lack active monitoring during volatile periods.
They mimic the index, limiting scope for higher returns.
Their fixed composition may underperform in certain market cycles.
For long-term growth, actively managed funds offer better risk-adjusted returns.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Guidance: Regular funds come with expert advice from an MFD with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) credential.
Portfolio Monitoring: They help align your investments with changing market conditions.
Support: MFDs can guide in tax planning and rebalancing.
Direct funds, while cheaper, may lead to uninformed decisions and missed opportunities.

Tax Efficiency in Your Portfolio
Understanding new mutual fund taxation rules is essential:

Equity funds: LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. STCG is taxed at 20%.
Debt funds: Gains are taxed as per your income slab.
Consider tax implications before rebalancing to avoid unnecessary liabilities.

Maintaining Liquidity
At this stage, maintaining a portion of your portfolio in liquid funds is prudent. It helps meet short-term goals or emergencies without disturbing long-term investments.

Aligning with Retirement Goals
Your portfolio should focus on generating a steady post-retirement income. Here’s how:

Allocate more to debt as you approach retirement.
Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) for regular income during retirement.
Retain a small equity portion to combat inflation even post-retirement.
Creating a Contingency Fund
Set aside a separate fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses. Use liquid or ultra-short-term debt funds for this.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Review your portfolio every 6 months.
Rebalance based on market conditions and life changes.
Consult a Certified Financial Planner for adjustments aligned with your goals.
Avoid Common Investment Pitfalls
Chasing high returns: Avoid concentrating on high-risk funds at this stage.
Over-diversification: Stick to a manageable number of funds to track performance easily.
Ignoring inflation: Ensure your portfolio grows faster than inflation rates.
Building a Long-Term Perspective
Focus on wealth preservation alongside growth.
Maintain discipline in investing. Avoid reacting impulsively to market fluctuations.
Stay informed about economic and market trends affecting mutual fund performance.
Final Insights
Balancing equity and debt is essential for stability and growth in your portfolio. A 50%-60% equity and 40%-50% debt allocation aligns with your age and goals. Active management and regular reviews will help optimise returns and minimise risks.

Transitioning gradually ensures minimal disruption to your portfolio’s growth. Focus on creating a robust strategy to secure your financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7103 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Money
One time investment in mutual fund in which fund
Ans: To decide on a one-time investment, understanding your financial goals is vital. Knowing the purpose of your investment ensures better alignment with your expectations. Your goals could be wealth creation, retirement planning, or funding a specific future expense like a child's education or marriage.

Assessing Risk Tolerance
Before choosing any investment, assess your risk tolerance. High-risk options offer better returns but can fluctuate more. If you are a conservative investor, you might prefer stability over high returns. Moderately aggressive investors balance growth and risk well.

Benefits of Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Actively managed mutual funds are an excellent choice for one-time investments. Professional fund managers make critical investment decisions based on market conditions. These funds can outperform market indices over the long term due to their strategic asset allocation.

They adapt well to market dynamics, offering higher growth potential than passive funds. Investors benefit from expertise and insights that help mitigate risks during market downturns.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds simply track market indices and lack active management. They offer no scope for market-beating returns. While their fees are lower, this comes at the cost of performance. In actively managed funds, expert decision-making can lead to better results.

Investors relying solely on index funds may miss opportunities to earn superior returns. Active funds also better suit those aiming for long-term wealth accumulation with reduced volatility.

The Issue with Direct Funds
Direct funds may have lower costs but require greater knowledge and time. Without professional advice, managing such investments can be overwhelming. Regular funds, managed through Certified Financial Planners, ensure guidance tailored to your needs.

A Certified Financial Planner monitors your portfolio’s performance, suggesting timely corrections. This professional approach ensures that your investment aligns with your financial goals efficiently.

Choosing the Right Mutual Fund Category
Select funds based on your investment horizon and risk appetite. Equity mutual funds work well for long-term goals as they provide higher growth potential. However, they carry higher volatility and are suitable only for investors with a longer time horizon.

For medium-term goals, balanced or hybrid funds are better suited. These combine equity and debt to balance risk and returns. Short-term goals are better addressed with debt funds, offering lower returns with minimal risk.

Importance of Diversification
Diversifying your investment reduces the risk of losses. It spreads your money across various sectors, ensuring market fluctuations impact your investment less. Avoid investing all funds in a single category, ensuring a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.

Taxation Rules for Mutual Funds
Understand the tax implications before investing. For equity funds, long-term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short-term capital gains are taxed at 20%. For debt funds, all gains are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Consider tax-saving options if your goal aligns with reducing tax liabilities. While tax efficiency matters, it should not override your primary objective of wealth creation.

Importance of Lump Sum Timing
Market timing matters for one-time investments. Investing during a market correction or when valuations are reasonable ensures better growth. A Certified Financial Planner can guide you to enter the market at the right time for better results.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Investment
A one-time investment is not set and forget. Regular reviews ensure the investment aligns with your goals. Markets evolve, and so should your portfolio. Make changes as required with the guidance of a professional.

The Role of Emergency Funds
Ensure you have an adequate emergency fund before making a one-time investment. This fund covers unforeseen expenses, preventing you from withdrawing long-term investments prematurely. Keep at least 6-12 months' expenses aside for emergencies.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Investments are subject to market risks, and returns are not guaranteed. Patience and a long-term approach yield better results. Understand the product before investing, ensuring it meets your expectations and financial objectives.

Final Insights
A one-time mutual fund investment can help achieve your financial goals effectively. However, aligning this investment with your risk tolerance and objectives is key. Actively managed funds, combined with professional advice, offer the best value for your money.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I 25M) have been in a Long Distance Emotional Relationship with a College Friend (25F) whom I'd known since more than 3 years. Although, neither of us has explicitly confessed to each other, but we both seemed to have strong Feelings for each other. We both have shared a lot of personal matters about ourselves, with each other (which are unknown to even some of our Closest Friends). We both share similar Values & Outlook towards various aspects of Life (including our Long Term Career Goals). We both used to chat on WhatsApp almost everyday, sharing our experiences, opinions, knowledge etc. I used to Flirt with her by writing Romantic Poetry for her, once she'd also confessed that she's falling for me. But what has stopped us both from proposing Love to one another is the difference in our Family Background (I'm from a Telugu Speaking Hindu Brahmin Family & she's from a Malayali Catholic Christian Family, but we both studied together from a College in Gujarat). As of now, we both are in different States Studying/Working in different fields. But both of us have been preparing for UPSC, which is our ultimate Career Goal & we also used to discuss the Subject matter & Preparation Plans, helping out each other. Presently, the Problem is that She seems to have Ghosted me (since a Month) citing a silly reason that her Phone got Damaged (she'd said something like this even in 2021), but I see her active on various Social Media Platforms, regularly. I have tried reaching out to her through all the Social Media Platforms & have even called her up, but there's no Response at all, from her side. I am not able to understand why she has Ghosted me like this, atleast she could have honestly told me the actual Reason. Sometimes, I feel guilty that I must have been a distraction to her Studies. But I have very strong Feelings for her, which I'd never felt for any other Girl & I believe that we can have a Future together. We both could continue complementing each other in the course of UPSC Preparation & acting as each other's motivation & emotional support (as seen in the Movie "12th Fail"). And if we both successfully clear UPSC together, we could try to convince our Parents for Marriage (these are not just my Fantasies, even she had indirectly expressed her interest in sharing her Future Life with me). Now, I don't understand what to do? How to reach out to her & sort out things between us? If not reconciliation, I believe that I deserve atleast a definite closure with Honest communication. Though, I am going along with my UPSC Preparation, every now & then, I can't Help thinking of her, I'm feeling Lonely, her Emotional & Intellectual Company would be a great Help in the course of my Preparation. She's always been a Positive Motivation not a Distraction in my Career Path. Please advise me, how do I get back at her, presently, she's working in a different State, so reaching out to meet her in person is not feasible & I have unsuccessfully tried out all other means of Communication. What should I do now? I want to hear from her again, I'd feel satisfied even if she breaks it up with me, honestly stating the Reason. I am feeling restless due to this Uncertainty. Should I persistently keep trying to reach out to her, through different means, without giving up on her, until she Responds, Hoping that she'd appreciate my consistent efforts & reconsider the Relationship with me? Or would you advise any other approach, which is better, according to you?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You really need to STOP putting yourself through this.
The reason for your restless state is the dependency that you have been having on her, chats with her, the emotional base with her knowing well enough that there has been no prior agreement on commitment in this relationship. But that's the way the heart is, no?
So, there has been freedom with both of you to go away when you please, to see other people etc...

You have possibly been more into this connection that she has been into it and this has led to expectations from your end.
Go silent and maybe this will give her an idea of missing you if she truly has feelings for you. When you do this, you give yourself some breathing space as well on things that need your focus and also will also reveal if she really wants you as a part of her life. This space is difficult but really important.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |691 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 18, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 30 gf is also of same age ..we have caste issue and she is being hindu..but we love each other deeply ..we are in strong seriously relationship since 5 years ..but suddenly now she has cheated with me with a guy of same caste and too rich..now i am devasted ..i have done everything for her she asked for and i have given my blood sweat and tears to work it this relation into marrige...since i found out my gf had cheated on me i am not in myself..my left chest always has mild to severe pain when i think about her .it is just sudden change of emotions..when i am doing my work i forgets about her but not able to focus and it is reflecting on my performance...please confirm what should i do now .she has said sorry multiple times ..but i cannot trust her the same way and not able to love her same way as it is use to be...though my feelinga for her never gonna die but this feeling only killing me please confirm what should do please
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Heartbreaks can show up in the body as aches and pains; but do visit the doctor to rule out any issue causing the pain in your chest.
I would suggest 'taking a break' from your relationship to process what has gone on...being cheated upon is not easy to digest and you need the time to understand what has happened.
Yes, loss of trust can be very difficult to repair but whether you want to forgive her or not, trust her again or not are things to be dealt with as you go into this 'break mode' as it will allow the anger to heighten, simmer and then dull down while the importance of this person in your life will arise where you can then ask yourself if you wish to continue this relationship or you actually can do away with it.
I do feel that you will benefit from working with a professional on this as your mind state can interfere in the process of reflection and healing. So, do consider that as well...
I will not say that Time Heals, but Time gives you an opportunity to reflect and learn...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1328 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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