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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 07, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Kick Question by Kick on Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Sir I am psb employee having salary of 1.1 lac age 34 years and having fd worth 35 lakhs and loan against tdr of 25 lakhs have invested on land now there market price is 50 lakhs I'm doing sukanya samriddhi yojana from last 4 years of 1.5 lakhs and monthly mutualfund 2k sip on AVG 3k lumpsum investment in total of 7 mutualfunds crypto now valued at 2.5 lakhs Now I want create 4cr corpus by 2040 now I have to repay my loan or invest in someother else where interest is served by fd interest now I can invest 50k monthly

Ans: Considering your financial situation and goals, here are some tailored recommendations:
1. Loan Repayment vs. Investment:
• Evaluate the interest rate on your loan against the potential returns from alternative investments.
• If the interest rate on your loan is higher than the returns you expect to earn from investments, it may be prudent to prioritize loan repayment to reduce debt burden and interest expenses.
2. Investment Strategy:
• With a monthly investment capacity of 50k, focus on systematic investment plans (SIPs) in mutual funds aligned with your risk tolerance and investment horizon.
• Consider diversifying your mutual fund portfolio across different asset classes and fund categories to spread risk and optimize returns.
3. Asset Allocation:
• Maintain a balanced asset allocation based on your risk profile and investment objectives.
• Allocate investments across equity, debt, and possibly real estate or other alternative assets to achieve diversification and mitigate risk.
4. Review Existing Investments:
• Review your existing investments in FDs, Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana, mutual funds, and cryptocurrency.
• Ensure they are aligned with your long-term financial goals and make adjustments if necessary to optimize returns and mitigate risks.
5. Financial Planning:
• Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to create a comprehensive financial plan tailored to your goals and circumstances.
• They can help you analyze your current financial situation, identify areas for improvement, and develop a roadmap to achieve your target corpus by 2040.
6. Monitor and Adjust:
• Regularly monitor the performance of your investments and make adjustments as needed based on changes in market conditions, personal circumstances, and financial goals.
• Stay informed about investment opportunities and market trends to make informed decisions and maximize returns.
By prioritizing loan repayment if it's financially beneficial, optimizing your investment strategy, and seeking professional guidance, you can work towards building a 4 crore corpus by 2040 and achieve your long-term financial objectives.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 17, 2024Hindi
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I'm aged 35 years working in psb getting net salary of 60000(after the deduction of nps and tax) and having fd of 35 lakhs and loan against of 20 lakhs at 7.5% and I'm doing monthly sip 2k( in 3mfs and lumpsum when ever I felt market down another 4 mutualfunds now valued 35k) and yearly ssy of 1.5 lakhs and monthly interest on fd 18k and loan interest of 14k and I have invested loan amount in land now it valued at 40L Now I want create corpus 4cr in coming 12 years in what way I have to invest either I have to clear 20 lakh or I have to invest in mutualfunds wage revision is pending once it settled my net salary arround 90k and I have given hand loan of 3lakhs these will be repaid with in 3 months Please guide me regarding investing strategy
Ans: To create a corpus of 4 crores in the next 12 years, you can consider the following strategies:

Evaluate your loan situation: Assess whether it's better to clear the existing loan of 20 lakhs or to continue investing in mutual funds. Compare the loan interest rate with the potential returns from your investments to make an informed decision.

Increase investment contributions: With the expected increase in your net salary after the wage revision, consider increasing your SIP contributions in mutual funds to accelerate wealth accumulation.

Optimize existing investments: Review your current mutual fund holdings and reallocate them if needed to align with your long-term financial goals and risk tolerance.

Diversify your portfolio: Consider diversifying your investments across different asset classes such as equity, debt, real estate, and alternative investments to manage risk and maximize returns.

Regularly review and adjust: Monitor your investments regularly and make adjustments as needed based on changing market conditions, financial goals, and personal circumstances.

Consult with a financial advisor to develop a customized investment plan tailored to your specific needs and objectives. They can provide personalized guidance and help you navigate through your investment decisions effectively.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 13, 2024Hindi
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I am 39 years old earning a monthly salary of 1.20 Lakhs. My investment as on date is PF of Rs. 18 Lakhs, Mutual funds Rs.19 Lakh and Shares of Rs. 8 Lakh. I have covered myself with endowment policy of Rs. 13 Lakhs. I also have a home loan of Rs.75 Lakhs and the repayment will start from Oct 2025. I have covered my life against the loan availed with a term insurance. It’s an under construction flat. Currently I am investing 40k in SIP and 5k in Vol PF. My daughter is 9 years old and in 5th standard. I have 21 years of service left. I am looking for a corpus of 1.5 to 3 crore in the next 5 years and also to close my loan in the next 15 years. At the age of 60 I must be debt free and earning monthly income of at least a Lakh. Please advice. My wife 33 years is also employed she is also earning Rs. 90k per month.
Ans: Crafting a Comprehensive Financial Plan
You've laid out some clear objectives for your financial future, and I'm here to help you navigate the path towards achieving them.

Current Financial Snapshot
Assets
You've made significant investments in PF, mutual funds, and shares, providing a solid foundation for wealth accumulation.

Liabilities
Your home loan presents a sizable debt, but with a structured plan, it can be managed effectively.

Retirement Planning
Corpus Target
Your goal of building a corpus of ?1.5 to ?3 crore in the next 5 years is ambitious yet attainable with disciplined saving and strategic investing.

Investment Strategy
Consider diversifying your investment portfolio further to optimize returns while managing risk effectively.

Loan Repayment Strategy
Loan Closure
Targeting to close your home loan in the next 15 years is a prudent approach to achieving debt-free status by age 60.

Accelerated Payments
Explore options to increase your EMI payments or make lump-sum prepayments whenever possible to reduce the loan tenure and interest burden.

Income Generation
Monthly Income Goal
Aiming for a monthly income of at least ?1 lakh by age 60 requires careful planning and investment in income-generating assets.

Dividend Income
Consider investing in dividend-paying stocks or mutual funds to supplement your income stream.

Education Planning
Daughter's Education
With 21 years of service left, prioritize investing in education funds or SIPs to secure your daughter's future educational needs.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate life and health insurance coverage for yourself and your family to safeguard against unforeseen circumstances.

Collaborative Financial Management
Spousal Contribution
Leverage your wife's income to boost your joint savings and investment efforts, enhancing your financial security collectively.

Joint Planning
Work together to align your financial goals, investments, and savings strategies, maximizing efficiency and effectiveness.

Conclusion
With a well-crafted financial plan tailored to your aspirations and circumstances, you can confidently work towards achieving your goals of wealth accumulation, debt freedom, and financial security for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 10, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 30, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 45 yrs old and single living with parents.I am earning 1.5 lacs per month and having the 12 lacs in pf. I have 2 flats 1.5 bhk with present value of 45 lacs and till possession in 2027 it will be 55 lacs and other 2 bhk with value 40 lacs in which we are currently staying. I have invested 15 lacs in equity market which yields 10 lacs in short term of 6 month. Gold asset of 20 lacs. I have 15 yrs to retirement and till that I want to have a corpus of 2 crore. So, please suggest.
Ans: Firstly, it's fantastic to see you actively planning for your financial future. At 45, with a monthly income of Rs 1.5 lakhs and various assets, you have a solid foundation. Let’s delve into how you can achieve your goal of a Rs 2 crore corpus by the time you retire in 15 years.

Current Financial Snapshot
You have the following assets and investments:

EPF: Rs 12 lakhs
Flats: 1.5 BHK (Rs 45 lakhs, expected Rs 55 lakhs by 2027) and 2 BHK (Rs 40 lakhs, currently staying in this one)
Equity Investments: Rs 15 lakhs (recent yield of Rs 10 lakhs in 6 months)
Gold Assets: Rs 20 lakhs
Understanding Your Financial Goals
Target Corpus
You want to accumulate a corpus of Rs 2 crore by retirement in 15 years. Achieving this requires a strategic approach to investing and managing your assets.

Asset Allocation Strategy
Equity Investments
Your current equity investments of Rs 15 lakhs yielded Rs 10 lakhs in a short term. This is great, but remember that equities should be viewed as a long-term investment. Short-term gains can be volatile. Consider investing in diversified mutual funds for steady growth and to harness the power of compounding.

Mutual Funds: A Strategic Choice
Mutual funds offer professional management and diversification. Here’s a closer look at mutual funds:

Categories of Mutual Funds
Equity Funds: Invest primarily in stocks and are suitable for long-term growth.
Debt Funds: Invest in bonds and provide regular income and stability.
Hybrid Funds: Mix of equity and debt, balancing risk and return.
Advantages of Mutual Funds
Diversification: Reduces risk by investing in a variety of securities.
Professional Management: Fund managers make informed investment decisions.
Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell.
Power of Compounding: Reinvested earnings generate more returns over time.
Increasing SIP Contributions
Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) are an excellent way to invest regularly in mutual funds. Start or increase your SIP contributions to build wealth over time. As your income grows, try to allocate more towards SIPs.

Real Estate Considerations
You have two flats, one of which will be ready by 2027. While real estate can be a significant part of your net worth, focus on liquidity and diversification. Don’t consider additional real estate investments, as they may lock in your capital.

Gold Investments
Gold is a good hedge against inflation, and you have Rs 20 lakhs in gold assets. While it’s a safe investment, don’t over-rely on it. Ensure your portfolio remains diversified.

Building Your Corpus
Step-by-Step Plan
Review and Adjust Equity Investments

Continue investing in equities but with a long-term perspective.
Diversify into mutual funds to reduce risk and benefit from professional management.
Start or Increase SIPs

Begin or increase your SIP contributions in mutual funds. This helps in systematic wealth creation.
Emergency Fund

Ensure you have an emergency fund covering 6-12 months of expenses. This should be in a liquid, easily accessible form.
EPF Contributions

Continue contributing to your EPF. It offers tax benefits and guaranteed returns, which are useful for your retirement corpus.
Insurance Coverage

Ensure you have adequate health and life insurance. This protects you and your dependents from unforeseen circumstances.
Rebalance Portfolio Annually

Review your investment portfolio annually and rebalance it to align with your goals. Adjust based on market conditions and your risk tolerance.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Disadvantages of Index Funds
Index funds replicate market indices and have lower costs but also lower flexibility. Actively managed funds can outperform index funds by leveraging market opportunities and managing risks better. They provide higher returns with professional management.

Benefits of Regular Funds through CFP
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) provides personalized advice, regular monitoring, and adjustments as per market conditions. Regular funds ensure you have a dedicated advisor for guidance, crucial for long-term financial planning.

Power of Compounding
Compounding is the process where the earnings on your investments generate their own earnings. The longer you invest, the greater the compounding effect. For example, investing Rs 15 lakhs in a mutual fund with an average return of 12% over 15 years can accumulate a substantial corpus due to compounding.

Practical Tips for Wealth Creation
Set Clear Financial Goals

Define your short-term and long-term financial goals. This provides direction and motivation for your investment strategy.
Maintain a Budget

Track your income and expenses. A budget helps you identify areas where you can save more and invest towards your goals.
Stay Disciplined

Stick to your investment plan despite market fluctuations. Avoid the temptation to time the market.
Educate Yourself

Stay informed about financial markets and investment options. Knowledge empowers you to make better investment decisions.
Seek Professional Advice

Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized guidance. They can help you navigate complex financial decisions and stay on track to achieve your goals.
Final Insights
Achieving a Rs 2 crore corpus in 15 years is ambitious but attainable with disciplined investing and strategic planning. Increase your SIP contributions, review and diversify your investments, and maintain a balanced portfolio. Regular monitoring and adjustments with the help of a Certified Financial Planner will ensure you stay on track.

Remember, consistency and patience are key. Stick to your investment plan, and let the power of compounding work in your favor. Best of luck on your financial journey!

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 47 years old and since 1 year I am investing 18k in sip and since 3 years in nos around 15k.do I need to increase by investment. I have home loan of 45 lacs and roughly I get 1.70 salary every month i want to have corpus of 25 lacs by 2028 March for my child education can I achieve it. Considering I am having pf of 16k from my salary and 14k from employer every month. 1k in ppt and 2.5 lacs in stocks. Can I get this amount by 2028
Ans: You are currently 47 years old, and your primary focus is to accumulate Rs 25 lakhs by March 2028 for your child's education. You are already investing Rs 18,000 in SIPs, Rs 15,000 in NPS, and contributing to provident funds (PF) with both employee and employer contributions. Additionally, you hold Rs 2.5 lakhs in stocks and have a home loan of Rs 45 lakhs. Your monthly salary is Rs 1.7 lakhs.

Let’s break this down and see if you can achieve your goal by 2028.

Your Existing Investments
SIP Investment: Rs 18,000 per month.

NPS Contribution: Rs 15,000 per month, combining your own and your employer’s contribution.

Provident Fund: Rs 16,000 from your salary and Rs 14,000 from your employer every month.

Stocks: You currently have Rs 2.5 lakhs in stocks.

Other Investments: Rs 1,000 in PPF, which could also grow by 2028 but will be more conservative.

You have a structured approach with SIP, NPS, PF, and stocks, which is a positive step. You are also contributing regularly, which will help in the long run.

Analysing the Corpus Goal of Rs 25 Lakhs by 2028
Your goal of Rs 25 lakhs by March 2028 for your child’s education is realistic but will require a strategic approach.

Time Horizon: You have approximately four years to reach this goal.

Current Investments: Your ongoing SIP and NPS contributions are long-term wealth-building tools. However, we need to determine whether these investments, combined with existing resources, will be sufficient to meet your Rs 25 lakh target in four years.

Let’s evaluate your investment options and consider some strategies to improve your chances of meeting this target.

Increasing Your SIPs
Current SIP Contribution: Rs 18,000 per month is a good start. However, considering your timeline and the corpus needed, you might need to increase this amount slightly.

Recommended SIP Increase: An increase in your SIPs could help accelerate your corpus growth. A small step-up in SIPs, say by Rs 5,000 per month, can make a significant difference over four years.

Step-Up Strategy: You could also consider increasing your SIPs annually by 10-15%, if possible. This approach, known as a step-up SIP, allows you to increase your contributions as your income grows. Given your monthly salary of Rs 1.7 lakhs, this increase should be manageable.

Potential Returns from SIPs
You are currently investing in SIPs. Actively managed mutual funds have the potential to provide an annual return of 10-14% over the long term. Since your horizon is four years, expect some market volatility, but over time, you should see growth.

SIP contributions with regular increases will likely help you build a solid corpus. However, be mindful that market-linked instruments carry risk, and you need to keep track of the portfolio’s performance.

Importance of Actively Managed Funds
Let’s discuss the benefits of actively managed funds over passive options like index funds:

Targeted Growth: Actively managed funds allow the fund manager to pick high-growth potential stocks. This is especially important when trying to meet a specific financial goal in a shorter time frame.

Performance Management: Actively managed funds have the flexibility to adapt to market conditions, reducing the risk of underperformance. They are more dynamic than index funds, which simply follow the market.

Higher Returns Potential: Historically, actively managed funds in certain categories like small-cap or mid-cap funds have outperformed index funds, giving investors the edge needed to grow their wealth.

Index funds, while lower cost, may not provide the same potential for higher returns as actively managed funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
You should avoid direct mutual funds, even though they have lower expense ratios. Here’s why:

Lack of Guidance: Direct funds don’t come with the expert advice and ongoing support that investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers. A CFP helps you navigate market fluctuations and adjusts your portfolio according to your goals and risk tolerance.

Risk Management: Without expert oversight, managing risk becomes challenging. An MFD with a CFP credential can actively guide you through rebalancing your portfolio or making strategic shifts.

While direct funds seem like an attractive low-cost option, they might not provide the value and expert guidance you need to meet your goals.

Evaluating Your NPS Contribution
Your monthly NPS contribution of Rs 15,000 is a good tool for long-term retirement planning. However, it may not significantly help you towards your short-term goal of Rs 25 lakhs by 2028, since NPS is a locked-in investment until retirement.

Still, NPS contributions are valuable for building your overall retirement corpus and ensuring you have sufficient funds post-retirement.

Utilising Provident Fund Contributions
Your monthly PF contributions are Rs 30,000 (Rs 16,000 from your salary and Rs 14,000 from your employer). While this will help you in the long term, you cannot access this fund for your immediate goal.

However, it provides financial security in the form of retirement savings, which is crucial for the future.

Stocks as Part of the Portfolio
You currently hold Rs 2.5 lakhs in stocks. While equity markets offer high growth potential, they also come with higher risks. You should continue to monitor your stock portfolio closely.

Diversification: If your stocks are concentrated in one or two sectors, you might want to diversify to reduce risk. You can move part of this portfolio into less volatile instruments as you approach your goal deadline.

Growth Potential: If these stocks perform well, they can contribute significantly to your education corpus. But, you must stay prepared for fluctuations.

Managing Your Home Loan
You have a home loan of Rs 45 lakhs. Home loans come with tax benefits, but they also create a cash outflow in the form of EMIs. Considering your goal, you should not aggressively try to prepay the loan right now. Instead, focus on building your Rs 25 lakhs corpus.

Keep servicing the loan as per schedule. You can revisit prepayment options once your child’s education goal is secured.

Other Investments
PPF Contribution: You are investing Rs 1,000 per month in PPF. While PPF is a safe investment with guaranteed returns, it has a long lock-in period. Given your short-term goal, PPF won’t significantly contribute to your Rs 25 lakh target.
However, it can be a part of your long-term financial planning for retirement or other future goals.

Taxation on Mutual Funds and Stocks
Keep in mind the tax implications of your investments:

LTCG on Mutual Funds: For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

STCG on Mutual Funds: Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Stock Investments: Gains from stocks also follow similar tax rules.

You should plan your withdrawals carefully to minimize tax liability when you liquidate these assets in 2028 for your child’s education.

Recommendations for Achieving Your Goal
To achieve your Rs 25 lakh corpus by 2028:

Increase SIPs: Raise your monthly SIP contributions by Rs 5,000, making it Rs 23,000 per month. This increase will boost your investment corpus over four years.

Step-Up Approach: Consider increasing your SIPs by 10-15% annually to keep up with inflation and increase your corpus.

Review Stocks: Continue to monitor your stock investments. Reallocate a portion to safer investments as you get closer to your goal.

Stay Focused on Short-Term Goal: While your PF and NPS contributions are crucial for long-term planning, your SIPs and stock investments will drive your short-term goal. Focus on these for now.

Finally
Your goal of Rs 25 lakhs by 2028 is achievable with some adjustments. Increase your SIP contributions and monitor your stock investments closely. By staying disciplined and following this approach, you can meet your child’s education needs while maintaining a strong foundation for future financial security.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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