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Should I Stay Loan-Free and Rent? An Architect's Dilemma

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 21, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Visu Question by Visu on Jun 11, 2024Hindi
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is it okay to be with no loan commitment, and remain minimalist. because having a housing loan will not fetch anything, moreover it gives headache like, property tax, EB, sewerage board and above all maintenance and repair; instead I prefer to be with rented building paying rent, where all head ache will be handled by the landlord. Is my approach is correct.

Ans: Choosing to live without loans and maintaining a minimalist lifestyle is a thoughtful and practical decision. It reflects a clear understanding of your financial comfort and priorities.

Advantages of Renting Over Buying
Living in a rented property can offer several advantages, especially when you prefer to avoid the commitments and headaches associated with homeownership.

No Property Maintenance Hassles: When you rent, the responsibility for property maintenance, repairs, and upgrades lies with the landlord. This saves you time, energy, and unexpected expenses.

Flexibility: Renting provides the flexibility to relocate without the hassle of selling a property. This is especially useful if your job requires you to move frequently.

No Property Taxes and Additional Costs: Homeowners must pay property taxes, electricity bills, water, and sewerage charges, along with insurance premiums. Renting eliminates these additional financial burdens.

Understanding the Minimalist Lifestyle
Embracing a minimalist lifestyle aligns well with your decision to avoid loans and homeownership. Minimalism is about living with less, focusing on what truly matters, and eliminating unnecessary stress.

Financial Freedom: Without loan commitments, you have greater control over your finances. You can focus on saving, investing, and spending on experiences that bring joy and fulfillment.

Less Stress: Owning a home can bring a lot of responsibilities and stress, from mortgage payments to ongoing maintenance. Renting allows you to enjoy your living space without these worries.

More Time for Yourself: With fewer possessions and responsibilities, you can dedicate more time to your passions, hobbies, and personal growth.

The Myth of Homeownership as an Investment
There’s a common belief that owning a home is a sound financial investment. However, this isn’t always true.

Liquidity Issues: Real estate is not a liquid asset. Selling a property can take time and may not always yield the desired returns.

Market Fluctuations: Property prices are subject to market fluctuations. There’s no guarantee that your property’s value will appreciate over time.

Ongoing Costs: As a homeowner, you’re responsible for ongoing costs such as repairs, maintenance, and upgrades. These expenses can add up over time, reducing the overall return on investment.

Focusing on Building Financial Assets
Instead of tying up your money in property, consider focusing on building a diversified financial portfolio. This approach can offer better returns, liquidity, and flexibility.

Mutual Funds: Investing in mutual funds through SIPs can offer good returns over the long term. It allows you to benefit from market growth without the need for constant monitoring.

Equity Investments: Consider investing in equities for long-term wealth creation. Equities have the potential to offer higher returns compared to real estate, especially when managed by experienced fund managers.

Debt Funds: A portion of your investments can be allocated to debt funds for stability and consistent returns. This ensures a balanced portfolio that caters to both growth and security.

Considerations for Future Financial Planning
While your current approach is sound, it’s important to consider your long-term financial goals and how your decisions today will impact your future.

Retirement Planning: Renting may be a suitable option now, but consider your retirement needs. As you age, the security of owning a home may become more appealing.

Emergency Fund: Ensure you have a robust emergency fund in place. This fund should cover at least six months’ worth of expenses, providing a financial cushion in case of unexpected events.

Insurance Planning: Adequate insurance coverage is crucial. Ensure you have a term insurance plan and health insurance that covers you comprehensively.

Regular Review: Regularly review your financial plan with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). This ensures your investments are aligned with your goals and that you’re on track to achieve financial security.

Finally
Your decision to avoid loans and embrace a minimalist lifestyle is a wise and practical choice. Renting offers flexibility and peace of mind, while a diversified investment strategy can help you build wealth over time. Keep your long-term goals in focus and adjust your strategy as needed to ensure a secure and comfortable future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Money
Hello sir my name is Muzammil I live in a small city in Karnataka Mysore I have recently purchased a plot of 2400sq ft I'm planning to construct an apartment building with 7 flats and rent it each flat I can rent it for 25k I don't have any debt I have around 40 lakh rupees the whole building construction cost is around 1.6 crore I need to take a loan of 1.2 crore should I go for it I recently sold my business which was going bad I have 2 flats in Bangalore I get rent of 50k I make another 50k doing a little side business Im living in leased house my wife saying we need to take loan and go ahead with construction I'm liable for loan I have a cibil of 820 what should I do I'm not comfortable with the 100k income
Ans: Muzammil! You’ve got a lot on your plate, and I appreciate you reaching out. Managing finances and making significant investment decisions can be challenging. Let’s break this down and see what’s best for you.

Understanding Your Current Financial Situation

You live in Mysore and recently purchased a 2400 sq ft plot. You’re planning to construct a 7-flat apartment building, which you can rent for Rs 25k per flat. You have no debt and Rs 40 lakh in hand. The construction cost is Rs 1.6 crore, so you need a Rs 1.2 crore loan. You sold a struggling business, have two flats in Bangalore earning Rs 50k rent, and make another Rs 50k from a side business. You live in a leased house, and your wife supports taking a loan for the construction. You have a high CIBIL score of 820 but are uncomfortable with a Rs 1 lakh income.

Evaluating Your Financial Position

1. High CIBIL Score

Your CIBIL score of 820 is excellent. It shows you’re responsible with credit and can likely secure a loan with favorable terms.

2. Income and Expenses

Your total monthly income is Rs 1 lakh. You have no debt but plan to take a Rs 1.2 crore loan for construction. This loan will add significant financial pressure.

3. Existing Assets

You own two flats in Bangalore, generating Rs 50k monthly. These are valuable assets and a steady income source.

4. Risk Assessment

Constructing an apartment building is a big investment. It’s essential to consider risks like construction delays, cost overruns, and rental market fluctuations.

Considering the Loan

1. Loan Amount and EMI

A Rs 1.2 crore loan is substantial. With an average interest rate of around 8%, the EMI will be about Rs 1.1 lakh for 20 years. This is more than your current income.

2. Construction Costs

Ensure you have a detailed and realistic estimate of the construction costs. Account for unexpected expenses.

3. Rental Income

Renting out 7 flats at Rs 25k each will generate Rs 1.75 lakh monthly. This income can help cover the EMI and provide some surplus.

Exploring Alternatives

1. Phased Construction

Consider constructing the building in phases. Start with fewer flats and expand as you generate rental income and save more.

2. Using Existing Assets

Sell one of your Bangalore flats if needed. This can reduce the loan amount and financial pressure. This can be a difficult decision but may be necessary for long-term financial health.

3. Building Your Side Business

Focus on expanding your side business. Increasing this income can provide more financial stability and reduce reliance on rental income.

Understanding the Rental Market

1. Market Research

Research the rental market in your area thoroughly. Ensure there’s demand for rental properties at the rates you expect.

2. Rental Agreements

Have clear and enforceable rental agreements. This helps ensure a steady rental income and reduces the risk of defaults.

Seeking Professional Guidance

1. Certified Financial Planner

Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide a detailed financial plan and investment strategy tailored to your situation.

2. Legal and Tax Advice

Seek legal and tax advice regarding property construction and rental income. This ensures compliance and optimizes your tax liabilities.

Assessing Long-Term Goals

1. Financial Independence

Consider your long-term financial goals. Aim for financial independence and a stable income that covers all your needs comfortably.

2. Diversification

Diversify your investments. Don’t put all your money into real estate. Explore mutual funds, fixed deposits, or other investment options.

Exploring Mutual Funds

1. Importance of Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are an excellent way to grow your money. They pool money from many investors to buy a diversified portfolio of stocks, bonds, or other securities.

Advantages of Mutual Funds

Diversification: Spread your risk across various assets.

Professional Management: Managed by experienced fund managers.

Liquidity: Easy to buy and sell units.

Affordability: Start with a small amount and gradually increase.

Types of Mutual Funds

Equity Funds: Invest in stocks. Higher risk but potentially higher returns.

Debt Funds: Invest in bonds and other fixed-income securities. Lower risk, stable returns.

Hybrid Funds: Combination of equity and debt. Balanced risk and return.

2. Power of Compounding

Investing early in mutual funds harnesses the power of compounding. Compounding means earning returns on your returns. The longer you invest, the more your money grows exponentially.

3. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

SIP is a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. You invest a fixed amount regularly, regardless of market conditions. This helps in averaging out the cost and reduces market timing risk.

Benefits of SIP

Disciplined Savings: Forces you to save regularly.

Rupee Cost Averaging: Buys more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.

Convenience: Automated investments from your bank account.

Evaluating Risks and Returns

While mutual funds are beneficial, they come with risks. Understand the risk level of each fund and align it with your risk tolerance.

1. Equity Funds

High Risk, High Return: Suitable for long-term goals.

Market Volatility: Prices can fluctuate significantly.

Long-Term Growth: Historically, equities have outperformed other asset classes over the long term.

2. Debt Funds

Low Risk, Stable Return: Ideal for short to medium-term goals.

Interest Rate Risk: Returns may vary with changes in interest rates.

Capital Preservation: Focus on preserving capital while earning modest returns.

3. Hybrid Funds

Balanced Risk and Return: Good for medium-term goals.

Asset Allocation: Diversifies across equity and debt.

Volatility: Less volatile than pure equity funds but riskier than debt funds.

Final Insights

Constructing an apartment building is a significant financial commitment. With your current income and assets, taking on a Rs 1.2 crore loan is risky. Consider phased construction, selling an existing asset, or expanding your side business to reduce financial pressure.

Invest in mutual funds to diversify your investments and achieve long-term growth. Consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalized advice and create a comprehensive financial plan. Remember, the key to financial success is disciplined saving, prudent investing, and continuous learning.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Money
Hi Mam, I need your prompt advice as i need to take decision on the same. I am 55 years and have 5-6 Years in retirement. Post retirement have planning and secure. Now coming to the point that i am staying a capital of state where i pay house rent Rs.40000/- PM. My take homme monthly salary is approx 6 Lacs. My organization have policy to pay 50% interest subsidy on interest of Housing loan. I am planning to purchase a flat value 1.25 Cr in which 80 Lacs Banks are ready to give for next 12 Years . monthly EMI will be 85-90 K and out of which approx 28K will be subsidy and 40K my rent and 5K saving of IT in Housing loan interest . Ideally it will cost to me approx. 15-20 K Per month additionally . After retirement i will sell the flat and square off my balance home loan. Please suggest is it worth of taking ....or i should continue to pay House rent and add 20 K liability in Mutual Fund contribution . Urgent reply please
Ans: You are evaluating whether to buy a flat worth Rs. 1.25 crore or continue renting. Let us assess this situation considering financial, practical, and retirement planning aspects.

 

Financial Considerations
1. Monthly Cost Comparison

Current rent is Rs. 40,000 per month.
EMI for the home loan is Rs. 85,000-90,000 per month.
Subsidy from your organisation reduces the EMI cost by Rs. 28,000.
Tax savings on housing loan interest further reduce the cost by Rs. 5,000.
Net additional cost to you is Rs. 15,000-20,000 per month.
 

2. Opportunity Cost of Down Payment

Buying the flat requires Rs. 45 lakh as a down payment (including registration).
Investing this amount in mutual funds for 5-6 years can yield higher returns.
Evaluate if your current mutual fund contributions can bridge this gap later.
 

3. Post-Retirement Loan Liability

Your home loan tenure is 12 years.
After retirement, loan repayments will depend on other income sources.
Selling the flat to clear the loan may not always fetch expected value.
 

4. Rent vs. Ownership Costs

Owning a flat involves maintenance, property tax, and repair costs.
Consider if these costs are affordable post-retirement.
Renting offers flexibility and avoids these additional expenses.
 

Lifestyle and Practical Aspects
1. Stability vs. Flexibility

Owning a flat provides stability and security of residence.
Renting offers flexibility to relocate post-retirement if needed.
 

2. Emotional Value of Owning a Home

Buying a home can give emotional satisfaction and a sense of achievement.
Ensure this decision aligns with your long-term financial health.
 

3. Rental Yield Analysis

Flats often have low rental yields compared to their cost.
You may not earn substantial rental income after clearing the loan.
 

Retirement Planning
1. Impact on Retirement Corpus

Redirecting Rs. 20,000 to mutual funds can grow significantly over 6 years.
This additional corpus can support your post-retirement lifestyle.
 

2. Liquidity Needs Post-Retirement

Flats are illiquid assets and may take time to sell when needed.
Liquid investments ensure easy access to funds during emergencies.
 

3. Alternate Strategies

Continuing to rent and investing in mutual funds may create better retirement wealth.
Combine equity and debt funds for an optimal mix of growth and stability.
 

Tax and Subsidy Considerations
1. Housing Loan Subsidy

The 50% interest subsidy reduces your effective EMI significantly.
This benefit reduces the immediate cost of buying the flat.
 

2. Tax Savings on Interest

Tax benefits under Section 24 further reduce the financial burden.
These savings must be factored into your overall cost analysis.
 

Final Insights
Buying a flat offers stability but increases financial obligations. Continuing to rent allows flexibility and creates additional retirement wealth. Evaluate the long-term implications on your retirement corpus before deciding. Align this decision with your financial goals and retirement needs. Engage with a Certified Financial Planner to create a detailed retirement plan and optimise your investments.

 

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 16, 2024

Money
Hi Sir, I need your prompt advice as i need to take decision on the same. I am 55 years and have 5-6 Years in retirement. Post retirement have planning and secure. Now coming to the point that i am staying a capital of state where i pay house rent Rs.40000/- PM. My take homme monthly salary is approx 6 Lacs. My organization have policy to pay 50% interest subsidy on interest of Housing loan. I am planning to purchase a flat value 1.25 Cr in which 80 Lacs Banks are ready to give for next 12 Years . monthly EMI will be 85-90 K and out of which approx 28K will be subsidy and 40K my rent and 5K saving of IT in Housing loan interest . Ideally it will cost to me approx. 15-20 K Per month additionally . After retirement i will sell the flat and square off my balance home loan. Please suggest is it worth of taking ....or i should continue to pay House rent and add 20 K liability in Mutual Fund contribution & avoid Interst subsidy !! Urgent reply please
Ans: Key Financial Factors to Consider
Option 1: Buying the Flat
EMI Costs

EMI: Rs. 85,000-90,000 monthly for 12 years.
Net EMI Cost (Post subsidy and tax saving): Rs. 15,000-20,000 per month.
Rental Saving

Buying eliminates rent, saving Rs. 40,000 monthly.
Subsidy Benefit

50% interest subsidy reduces your EMI burden by Rs. 28,000 per month.
Tax Benefits on Home Loan

You save approximately Rs. 5,000 monthly in taxes on interest payments.
Plan to Sell Post-Retirement

Selling the flat in 5-6 years may or may not yield significant appreciation.
Real estate liquidity can be unpredictable.
Option 2: Continuing to Rent
Current Costs

Rent: Rs. 40,000 per month.
No additional EMI burden.
Investment Opportunity

Allocate Rs. 20,000 monthly (saved from net EMI cost) to mutual funds.
This investment grows significantly in 5-6 years.
Flexibility

Renting offers flexibility in case of post-retirement relocation.
Detailed Analysis
Buying the Flat: Pros and Cons
Pros:

Owning a home offers emotional satisfaction.
Subsidy and tax savings reduce EMI burden.
Rent savings (Rs. 40,000) offsets the EMI.
Cons:

Requires additional Rs. 15,000-20,000 monthly for EMIs.
Real estate appreciation is uncertain over 5-6 years.
Selling post-retirement involves transaction costs and market risks.
Renting and Investing: Pros and Cons
Pros:

Avoids the hassle of a large loan and associated liabilities.
Rs. 20,000 invested in equity mutual funds can grow significantly.
More flexibility to relocate post-retirement.
Cons:

Rent payments continue with no ownership asset.
Miss out on interest subsidy and home loan tax benefits.
Scenario Comparison
Option 1: Buying the Flat
Total Outflow: Rs. 15,000-20,000 monthly (EMI after adjustments).
Asset Created: A flat worth Rs. 1.25 crore, potentially appreciating in value.
Risk: Real estate value may stagnate or decline in the short term.
Option 2: Renting and Investing
Total Outflow: Rs. 40,000 monthly in rent, plus Rs. 20,000 invested in mutual funds.
Investment Growth: Assuming 10% CAGR, Rs. 20,000 per month grows to Rs. 16 lakh in 5 years.
Risk: Market volatility may impact mutual fund returns.
Certified Financial Planner’s Suggestion
Based on your financial profile and goals, here is a balanced recommendation:

Leaning Towards Renting and Investing

Renting gives flexibility and avoids real estate risks.
Invest the additional Rs. 20,000 in equity mutual funds for better returns.
A diversified portfolio may provide more liquidity and growth by retirement.
If Emotional Value of Ownership Matters

Buy the flat only if you are confident about the real estate market in your city.
Ensure the flat is easily sellable in 5-6 years.
Carefully assess the costs and expected returns before committing.
Final Insights
Buying a flat works best if real estate appreciation outpaces mutual fund growth. However, this is uncertain in a short horizon. Renting and investing in mutual funds is a more flexible and potentially rewarding option for retirement planning.

Take a prudent decision considering your priorities and risk tolerance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |504 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
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Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

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I hope this helps.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 15, 2025Hindi
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Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
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I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

Hope this helps

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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
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In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

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One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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